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Homesickness SETTLING INTO TERTIARY LIFE

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Page 1: Homesickness - University of Otago · homesickness, if you are one of the 70%, or to help your friend when he or she goes through the same experience. As Chaplains we are here to

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Homesickness

SETTLING INTO TERTIARY LIFE

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So here you are as a student; and suddenly – or not so suddenly – you are feeling blue or anxious. This wasn’t how it was meant to be in the plan. It might be hard to admit, with everybody else seeming to be so together, and having a good time, but you are feeling homesick. How uncool!

You are not alone. Behind some of the smiles you see are other people feeling homesick too. Research suggests that nearly 70% of tertiary students feel homesick at some time or other, and other studies show that two-thirds of the students reported that it lasted more than one week, while for 18% homesickness lasted for more than eight weeks.

This information will help you to chart a path through the common experience of homesickness, if you are one of the 70%, or to help your friend when he or she goes through the same experience.

As Chaplains we are here to assist you no matter what your spirituality or faith tradition is. Homesickness is many things. For you it may be missing the structures and the people who have been there for you in the past. It may be missing those who have nurtured your spirituality and faith. In this new environment of learning you may find yourself asking all sorts of questions relating to life and faith, questions about identity (who am I) and intimacy that you have never really thought about before. Those you would talk to before are not around and you feel so alone. So feel free to come and talk to us.

WELCOME

Lyn, Mike, Angel, Greg, Rosie, Paul, Amy and MarkOtago Tertiary Chaplaincy team

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When we move to a new place, even if it is by our own choice, there are adjustments to be made. These adjustments are necessary ones, but may seem difficult at first.

We know that homesickness is not unusual. Tertiary education presents new ways of living your life. As you try to cope with new routines and a new environment you may experience homesickness. That is because the familiar and known have been displaced by the new.

Homesickness is about adjusting to new relationships. Most of the known and comfortable relationships are back at home. In this new place there can be a struggle to become accepted. This adjustment may be even more difficult if you are, say, an international student, deeply religious, a homosexual or a member of any minority group within the majority culture of this new tertiary world.

It is important to be aware of homesickness as a normal process, which you may go through. It is a time of letting go and making new connections. You are not alone in this experience.

Remember, help is not far away: you don’t have to do it on your own.

In this booklet you will find contact details for Student Support Services at your tertiary institution as well as a ‘Personal Plan’ that you might want to try out.

THE NATURE OF HOME SICKNESS

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Näu mai haere mai tauti mai

The difficulty of being away from whänau support networks can become overwhelming very quickly. The consequences of homesickness can sometimes affect your personal well-being, academic performance and your environment. WE CAN AWHI OR HELP YOU

He iti te toki e rite ana ki te tangataA little help opens the pathway to a difficult issue

If you feel homesick you might want to try out the Personal Plan at the back of the book

UNIVERSITY STUDENTS

~ CallorvisittheCounsellorsattheMäoriCentreat519CastleStreet,phone4798283oremail:GrahamGreen;[email protected];[email protected]

~ VisitTeRoopüMäori(MäoriStudents’Association)at523CastleStreet,phone4798563.

~ CheckoutothersupportservicesforMäorionthewebsite:www.otago.ac.nz/services/maori.html

POLYTECHNIC STUDENTS

CallatRoom129,Level1,HBlockForthStreetwhereyouwillfindKaiärahi,phone0800762786,extn8285or021735934.

Seepages15-18forStudentSupportServicescontactdetails.

ÄKONGA MÄORI TËNÄ KOUTOU KATOA

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A particular welcome if you have come from overseas. We thought of greeting each of you in your own language, but didn’t want to leave anybody out. So (in English) WELCOME!

If you have come from far away, life may be extra difficult for you. Even these words may be in an unfamiliar language. Our ways of talking about things may not be your ways. You may have to deal with strange food, a different climate, and an unfamiliar landscape. Home is so far away, hitching a lift home is not a possibility for you.

We have an idea of what it may be like for you, and are here to help. Be patient with us if our attempts to help seem odd in terms of your culture. The experience of moving into another culture is sometimes described as “culture shock”. There are overseas student organisations to help lessen the shock of entry into this culture for you. You will learn about them in Orientation Week. University students can ask at the Otago University Students’ Association office, or at the International Office. Polytechnic students can contact one of the International Student Support Advisors in H Block (H 129), Forth Street. YvonneFogarty,phone021689553,[email protected],phone0218733428.Note: International Polytechnic student 24/7 emergency contact phone number 021 735 421

(see pages 15-18 for contact details).

We hope that ultimately your stay at Otago will be rewarding and enjoyable. Our chaplaincy team is here to support you. Regardless of your background, spirituality or faith, please let us know if we can help you in any way. We have information about, and contact with, all faith communities in Dunedin.

INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS

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• Missing the place and people you know so well

• Feeling nostalgic for familiar things like your family, friends, pets, house or neighbourhood

• Being miserable and not knowing why

• Feeling like a prisoner in your own room

• Being unable to get into a reassuring routine

• Not liking meals at the flat or the College because the atmosphere doesn’t feel right

• Wondering what people at home are doing; feeling as if you are missing out

• Wanting to go straight back home after you have arrived

• Not liking coming back after the holidays

• Being conscious you are doing things out of character

• Thinking you are the only one on campus with homesick feelings

• Being unable to settle at anything

• Crying for no reason

• Getting anxious or upset over little things that didn’t used to bother you

• Finding the values of people around you strange and vaguely threatening

• Getting fed up with new food, new smells, new scenery and wanting the familiar

• An experience, a state of feeling that will pass, sooner or later

HOME SICKNESS IS

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• I came from a quiet family. The lining up for showers, the queuing for meals and the noise nearly sent me up the wall.

• Because I didn’t know the people who make the noise I found it difficult to say anything to them. I felt like a prisoner in my own room.

• Homesickness for me was like I was not myself. Anything others said in trying to help didn’t touch that deep inner split.

• Homesickness began when I started missing the regular and routine things around home. Certain noises, smells, food, leave a lot of memories.

• I couldn’t go into the dining room on Sunday because I missed so much the home Sunday dinner of big roasts and real family time.

• Homesickness began when I started to make comparisons between familiar home memories and the newly formed memory experiences of my new home.

• I missed my parents calling me in the morning.

• I found my normal sleep patterns were disturbed

• Not knowing English very well made me long not only for home but for my homeland.

• I organise my timetable so I can be around to check the mail. When a letter doesn’t come I get a real ache inside.

• I had to work hard at remembering other people’s name, but it made a real difference in building friendships.

• Orientation Week activated my scaredness: it was horrible.

• I found Orientation Week a great way to draw me out. I had to mix. It helped to build up some real good memories

• I was sick for a whole day no one knew. This would never have happened at home. It was very distressing.

• I’ve been tempted to find substitute solutions for the pain of homesickness. Drugs and sex have been two ways for me.

• I had thought that I had moved away from home and was my own person. But I couldn’t move away from my parent’s expectations.

STUDENTS WHO HAVE LIVED AWAY FROM HOME SAY ….

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• Homesickness is crying on your own.

• Little things can tip you into homesickness. Someone called me by another name and I felt cut off.

• Some students come with crazy TV-generated ideas of how good life here will be. The reality knocks them for six.

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• Set your room up with something familiar from home.

• Make an effort to talk to someone new.

• Try to leave your door open sometimes when you are in your room; someone might pass by and say “hello”.

• Get into activities which build up a storehouse of good new memories for you - take up a new interest, sport or recreational pursuit where you can have fun and make new friends. Unipol Recreation Centre at the University Plaza Building One and Clubs and Societies can help you make your choice (contact details on pages 15-18)

• Check out the Personal Plan in the booklet.

• Talk to someone else about how you feel - any new student will probably feel much the same as you do.

• Respond to the invitations of others to places or events where you will meet more people.

• Organise a toll-free arrangement with your home telephone provider so you can ring home for free; but be aware that ringing home too often in the first few weeks may prolong homesickness for you.

• Recognise that this is a grief experience. Have a good cry, it’s nothing to be ashamed of when you’re really feeling down to it and tears can be cleansing.

• Jot down thoughts, experiences and dreams in a journal or at the back of this booklet, and try to make some sense out of the different pieces.

• Be kind to yourself - it is OK to miss home and perfectly normal. After all, you have spent most of your life there until now.

• Prayer and/or meditation may help you feel more grounded and confident.

• Talk to a tutor, or someone in your department.

• Talk to the Chaplains, someone at the Counselling services or at the Student Support Centres (see the contact details on pages 15-18).

• Organise your next home visit in advance - to give you something to look forward to and to save money as booking in advance is cheaper – but try not to make your first home visit during your first few weeks on campus as you need time to settle in.

SURVIVAL TIPS

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TWO HOMESICKNESS POEMS BY OTAGO UNIVERSITY LANGUAGE CENTRE STUDENTS

Differentcountry,differenttime....Differentpeople,differentfood....

Theonlysamenessisme.

IcantakeoffmybagIcantakeoffmymoodIcantakeoffmyfear…

ButIcan’ttakeoffmyhomesickness

IcangetbraveIcangetsense

Icangetfriends…

ButIcan’tgetahugfromhome

By Kuan Ting HUANG Taiwan

SometimesIfeelhomesickImissmyfamilyandfriends

IfIfeelhomesickatnightI’llnotsleep….

SometimesIremembermyfamily’ssmile….myfriend’ssmile….

ButI’vetogetovermyhomesicknessBecauseit’smydestiny!!

By Hiroyasu HanakiJapan

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This work sheet may help you assess how you are feeling, will help you decide on whether or not you need to seek help or help you devise your own plan for getting through the next few weeks.

SYMPTOMS

There are 19 possible symptoms of homesickness listed below. Tick any of the ones you are suffering from.

1.Tearfulness.

2.Feelingsad.

3.Feelinganxiousorpanicky.

4.Feelingoverwhelmed.

5.Feelinglonely.

6.Feelingoutofcontrol.

7.Feelingmoreirritablethannormal/lesstolerantofothers.

8.Beingangrywithparentsorfamilymembers.

9.Feelingsofjealousytowardssiblingsathome.

10.Changesinsleepingpatterns.

11.Notbeingabletosleep.

12.Sleepingtoomuchandhidingawayinbed.

13.Changesineatingpatterns.

14.Noteatingenough.

15.Overeating.

16.Feelinggenerallyunwellorsick.

17.Feelingisolatedandlonely.

18.Notbeingabletoconcentrateorfocus.

19.Usingdrugsandalcoholtoblockthingsout.

A PERSONAL PLAN TO DEAL WITH HOMESICKNESSMODIFIED FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF WORCESTER’S WEBPAGE

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As you look down the list of symptoms you have ticked, are there any you can help yourself with? For example, if you are not eating or sleeping properly, are there simple things you could be doing that would help you feel better? If you are eating at irregular times then this can cause your moods to swing. Lack of sleep can also make problems seem more out of control than they are.

Are you doing enough to relax your body and mind?

Perhaps using some of the suggestions in the booklet, list here some practical steps you could take to improve your wellbeing:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

As you assess the symptoms in the list that you have ticked, are there any there that you have no idea how to tackle or that you feel are unconquerable on your own? If your general wellbeing is being compromised, then perhaps it would help to talk to someone else, a friend, your flatmates, your College Head, your RA or Welfare Officer, a Chaplain or a counsellor at Student Health, or any of the other contact people listed on pages 15-18.They will be able to give you advice on how to tackle these issues and provide the emotional support you may need at the moment.

Or you might want to consider this…

“One way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance” (thanks to Alan Watts)

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From the Lord of the RingsBy JRR Tolkien

TheRoadgoeseveronandonDownfromthedoorwhereitbegan.

NowfaraheadtheRoadhasgone,AndImustfollow,ifIcan,Pursuingitwitheagerfeet

UntilitjoinssomelargerwayWheremanypathsanderrandsmeet.

Andwhitherthen?Icannotsay.

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MY HOME LIFE WAS LIKE… BEING AWAY FROM HOME IS …

Love Exciting

Open Scary

Sheltering Choices

Punishing Can’tcope

Chaotic New

Criticizing Independence

Peaceful Demanding

Touching Challenging

Humorous Difficult

Relaxing Sad

Stressful Adventure

Violent Fun

Dominating Exciting…

Empty

Lost…

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OTAGO UNIVERSITY

Tel 0800 80 80 98 Web www.otago.ac.nz/services Emergency contact 24 hours 479 5000

Chaplaincy Team

The Upper Room, Mezzanine Floor, Union Building

Greg Hughson 479 8497 or 027 212 1048Email [email protected]

Mark Chamberlain 479 0066 or 027 220 7685 Email [email protected]

Mike Wright 479 6094 or 021 735 286Email [email protected]

Amy Armstrong 479 5348 or 027 237 6319Email [email protected]

Lyn Meinders 027 549 8478Email [email protected]

Rosie Victor-Hoogland 021 034 1130Email [email protected]

Angel Mnyanyi 021 175 6273Email [email protected]

Web www.otago.ac.nz/chaplain

Academic and Course Enquiries – University Information CentreInformation Services Building (Library Building) 0800 80 80 98 or 479 7000

Accommodation Office109 St David St 479 8208

Career Development CentreInformation Services Building 479 8244

Disability Information & SupportWest lane, ISB – 65 Albany St 479 8235

Fees Clocktower Building (basement) 479 9006

SUPPORT SERVICES – CONTACT DETAILS

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Foundation StudiesUniversity Plaza Building One, Anzac AvenueStudent Support Officers 479 5711/5253

International Student SupportInternational Student Advisers 479 5921/5777Email [email protected]

Mäori Centre/Te Huka Mätauraka515 & 519 Castle StreetGeneral enquiries 479 8305

OUSAMain Office – Union Building 479 5332Student Support Centre 5 Ethel Benjamin Place 479 5448Clubs and Societies Centre, Albany St 479 5960Web www.ousa.org.nz

Pacific Islands Centre1 LeithbankTofilau Nina Kirifi-Alai 479 8278

Proctor’s Office St David Lecture Theatre 479 4880

Student Health ServicesCorner of Walsh and Albany StreetsAll enquiries 479 8212

Student Learning CentreInformation Services Building 479 5786

Te Roopü Mäori523 Castle Street Office 479 8563

Unipol Recreation Centre 96 Anzac Avenue University Plaza Building One, Anzac Avenue 479 5888

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OTAGO POLYTECHNIC

Tel 0800 762 786 Web www.otagopolytechnic.ac.nz

Chaplains Mike Wright, M220, Manaaki/Student Centre, Harbour Terrace 479 6094 or 021 735 286Email [email protected]

Paul Armstrong,Ground floor, Auditorium Building, University of Otago, College of Education, Union St. East. 479 4921Email [email protected] www.otago.ac.nz/chaplain

Customer Services/Programme Enquiries & Enrolments/Fees AdviceLevel 1, F Block, Forth Street.Customer Services 0800 762 786 or 477 3014

OPSA (Students’ Association)Level 2, Manaaki/Student Centre, Harbour Terrace 477 6974Web www.opsa.org.nz

STUDENT SUPPORT SERVICES

Student Services Manager Kitty Keogh 021 705 748

Student Health and CounsellingLevel 1, Manaaki/Student Centre, Harbour Terrace 479 6082Maurice Vaughan Charlotte McLachlan Malgorzata Szukiel – DeansAnna Seiuli

Learning CentreLevel 1, F Block, Forth Street. 0800 762 786Jean MonkRose StantonHelen Lindsay

Student Advisory TeamRoom 129, Level 1, H Block, 479 3743

Careers Advisor Jane Field Room 116, Level 1, F Block 021 732 103

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Career Guides Room 124, Level 1, F Block 479 3743

Disability Support Advisor Kitty Keogh 021 705 748

International Student Support Advisors Yvonne Fogarty 021 735 421 Sheena Roy 021 873 3428

International Student 24/7 Emergency contact phone 021 735 421

Kaiärahi /Mäori Support Advisor Appointment pending 021 735 934

Pacific Island Support Advisor Anna Seiuli 021 735 436

Student Support Advisor Sheena Roy 021 873 3428

Student Support and Administration Sharon Ward 479 3743

Unipol Recreation Centre 96 Anzac Avenue University Plaza Building One, Anzac Avenue 479 5888

OTHER CONTACTS

Otago Combined Christian Groups (CCG)http://otagoccg.co.nz/

Muslim University Students’ Association (MUSA)http://otagomusa.wordpress.com

Worship centres in Dunedinwww.otago.ac.nz/chaplain/worship/

Youthline 0800 376 633 Free text 234http://www.youthline.co.nz/

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For further information about services for studentsExplore online at these websites:

Otago Universitywww.otago.ac.nz/services

Otago Polytechnicwww.otagopolytechnic.ac.nz

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MY OWN THOUGHTS