WWW.LIFEW

AY.COM

a fresh take on faith & family

JANUARY 2013 U.S.A. $3.95

Until God Answers Why you must persist in prayer

Can a chore swap

change your marriage? The blessings of parentingchildren with special needsMargaret Feinberg on

The Wonder of Rest 5 great ideas

for family time

NEW▼

see | hcsb.org

Slaves had no rights, but some servants did. So when readers see Christians called to be Christ’s slaves in the Holman Christian Standard Bible, the radical nature of discipleship is clearer. Accuracy, one of the reasons you’ll love reading any of the HCSB digital or print editions.

HCSB Study BibleComing October 2010

Are weservants

or slaves?

improve family manager

what’s for dinner?

family-friendly media

men of honor

in every issue

welcome home

mailbox

contributors

pass it on

real life

ContentsJanuary 2013 Features grow Yes, No, or Not Yet Why you must persist in prayer.

by Mark Batterson

A Sanctuary in Time Making space to pause isn’t just a holy opportunity but

a divine command.

by Margaret Feinberg

nurture The Great Chore Swap A 48-hour experiment gave this marriage a clean sweep.

by Melanie Shankle

Remarkably Made It’s a blessing to parent children with special needs.

by Carol Mason Shrader

Quitting Time? When it comes to extracurricular activities, when do you

let kids walk away, and when do you make them stay?

by Camerin Courtney

improve Dreaming God-Sized Dreams Three lies fear always tells you about your goals.

by Jon Acuff

Organic Panic The problem with pursuing diet perfection.

by Constance Rhodes

Post-Christmas Purge Cut clutter, get organized, and give to someone in need.

by Christine Satterfield

VO LU M E 67, N U M B E R 4

On the Cover18 Until God Answers34 Can a chore swap change your marriage?42 Parenting Children With Special Needs24 The Wonder of Rest14 Five Great Ideas for Family Time

Cover Photo: Kristina Krug

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JANUARY 2013 HOMELIFE 3

grow14 family time Hero in the Making How does God measure a superhero?

by Jason & Kelly Stewart

22 forward progress More Than a Feeling Where faith and discipline meet.

by Michael Kelley

27 fyi The foundation for community, stats on Bible

engagement, and the impact of a lost generation.

28 new life Empty Promises The remedy for the sting of insecurity.

by Jennifer McCaman

nurture30 power of the home Small Things, Great Purpose Simple but intentional actions make a difference.

by Jason Hayes

32 love that lasts On the Same Team Work together to manage expectations.

by Gary Chapman

37 marriage mentors Just the Two of Us Befriending couples when you don’t have kids.

by Les & Leslie Parrott

39 fyi Recognition that spouses aren’t perfect, the need

for mentors, and marriage by the numbers.

40 smart stepfamilies Longing for Egypt God holds the future in His hands.

by Ron L. Deal

45 my home life Snowball Effect A new perspective of God’s gifts.

by Travis Voskamp

46 parenting on purpose Losing It How to respond rather than react.

by Gary J. Oliver

47 fyi Grace-based parenting wisdom, Bible apps for kids,

and encouragement for single parents.

improve59 fyi Strategic couponing, resolutions for families, plus

winter safety tips.

62 from your kitchen Good Eats Healthy family-friendly recipes that are tasty, too!

65 money matters Stewardship 101 Need financial guidance? Start here.

by Francine L. Huff

67 family-friendly media Pump Up the Volume A playlist to uplift you spiritually and physically.

by Andy Argyrakis

in every issue 8 inbox and contributors

10 from the editor

12 pass it on

69 men of honor

74 real life

contents▶ Departments January 2013

14

39

30

62

) new

) new

+ new

+ new

4 HOMELIFE JANUARY 2013

New this month

page 14 ▶ family time You’re short on time, and your kids are short on attention. Family Time is a devotion centered on a fun theme to help you live out Deuteronomy 6:5-8 in creative, memorable ways. PLUS! Be sure to visit lifeway.com/homelifeonline for daily parent cues to reinforce each month’s theme. Our Family Time Calendar suggests a daily Scripture reading and talking point to keep the conversation going.

page 62 ▶ from your kitchen HomeLife readers can cook! So, who better to share kid-approved and budget-friendly recipes than you? Each month will feature a few great dishes from HomeLife readers, plus a few tips to save you time and money. Have an original recipe to share? Email us at homelife @lifeway.com.

page 22 ▶ forward progressWhat does real-life discipleship look like? Michael Kelley’s monthly spiritual growth column will wrestle with issues that arise

when you seek to live a life that honors Christ.

pages 27, 39, 47, 59 ▶ fyi We all love quick-read articles. Check

out our FYI pages to be in the know about the latest research, stats, tips,

and resources on faith and family.

JANUARY 2013 HOMELIFE 5

VOLUME 67, NUMBER 4 JANUARY 2013

PRODUCTION & MINISTRY TEAM

Michael Kelley Executive Editor

Dawn Hollomon Content Editor

Stacey Owens Production/Content Editor

Susan Maywald Graphic Designer

Chandra Bennett Editorial Team Leader

Alan Raughton & David Apple Adult Ministry Specialists

SEND QUESTIONS/COMMENTS TO:

Editor, HomeLife

One LifeWay Plaza

Nashville, TN 37234-0175

Or email us at homelife@lifeway.com

MANAGEMENT PERSONNEL

Faith Whatley Director, Adult Ministry

Philip Nation Director, Adult Ministry Publishing

Debbie Johnson, Ken Braddy & Amy Lowe Managers, Adult Ministry Publishing

ADVERTISING

Rhonda Edge Buescher Director, Media Business Development for Magazines

Scott Hancock Advertising ProductionOne LifeWay Plaza, MSN 136, Nashville, TN 37234

Email: magazineadvertising@lifeway.comMedia kits: www.lifeway.com/magazines/media

Printed in the United States of America HomeLife (ISSN 0018-4071, Item 005075226) is published monthly by LifeWay Press®,

One LifeWay Plaza, Nashville, TN 37234, Thom S. Rainer, President. © 2012 LifeWay Press®.

For inquiries visit www.lifeway.com, or write LifeWay Church Resources Customer Service, One LifeWay Plaza, Nashville, TN 37234-0113.

For subscriptions or subscription address changes, visit www.lifeway.com/magazines, fax 615.251.5818, or write to the above address. For bulk orders shipped to one address,

visit www.lifeway.com/magazines, fax 615.251.5933, or write to the above address.Annual individual or gift subscription, $29.95. Bulk orders shipped to one address when ordered with other

literature,$1.60 each per month plus shipping. Please allow six to eight weeks for arrival of first issue.To investigate the possibility of advertising in HomeLife, visit www.lifeway.com/magazines.

HomeLife does not accept unsolicited manuscripts or queries and cannot accept responsibility for their return.

Advertisement Disclaimer: This magazine includes paid advertisements for some products and services not affiliated with LifeWay.

The inclusion of the paid advertisements does not constitute an endorsement by LifeWay Christian Resources of the products or services.

We believe that the Bible has God for its author; salvation for its end; and truth, without any mixture of error, for its matter and that all Scripture is totally true and trustworthy.

The 2000 statement of The Baptist Faith and Message is our doctrinal guideline.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and

HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

~online this month

at lifeway.com/homelifeonline

▶ January Family Time Calendar featuring daily Scripture readings and talking points to disciple your family (see page 14)

▶ More tips for making Family Time easy and fun (see page 14)

▶ HomeLife’s printable recipe cards (see page 62)

▶ Scripture word art (see pages 13, 29, and 51).

~coming in February

▶ Family Time: Show Some Love

▶ 40 ways to make your marriage rock

▶ Biblical stewardship prin-ciples to teach your kids

▶ How to help your little ones navigate childhood friendships

▶ Plus, part two of Kenny Luck’s “The Mantle” series (see page 69).

partners with churches togive families biblical and practical counselthat champions life-changing discipleship,dynamic marriages, and effective parenting.

a new chapter

With Thanks Since 2008, HomeLife has been honored to have Dr. Gary Chapman

serve as executive editor. His godly wisdom and practical advice have

encouraged families and strengthened

marriages. Beyond that, Dr. Chapman has

been a champion for HomeLife and a joy

to work with. We are so thankful for his

passion for ministering to HomeLife read-

ers. We don’t take it lightly that Dr. Chap-

man chooses to partner with us.

Beginning with this issue, Dr. Chapman

steps down as HomeLife’s executive editor,

and Michael Kelley assumes the role (learn

more on page 10).

But don’t worry; Dr. Chapman isn’t going

anywhere! HomeLife will continue to benefit

from his invaluable counsel in his monthly

marriage column, Love That Lasts (see page

32). We are deeply grateful for the oppor-

tunity to continue sharing Dr. Chapman’s

relationship insights with HomeLife readers.

HomeLife is more than a magazine — it’s

a ministry to serve you and your family.

Please pray for the HomeLife team as we

begin this new chapter together.

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Executive Editor. It’s a daunting title, one I’m approaching with my hat in hands, so to speak. I remember when I was a child, growing up in a small town in the Texas Panhandle, seeing mothers and fathers carrying issues of HomeLife as they left church.

And now, decades later, it’s an incredible honor to be associated with a publi-cation that has impacted so many and for so long. For the past several years, Dr. Gary Chapman has shared insights, experiences, and practical suggestions that

are Christ-honoring and biblically based. Though his are big shoes to fill, it’s my sincere desire to continue his standard of excellence.

Besides being the new executive editor for HomeLife, I serve as the Director of Discipleship for LifeWay Christian Resources. I’ve written a cou-ple of books, have a blog that I’m proud of most days, and occasionally have the privilege to speak at conferences and churches around the country.

But most importantly, I’m a hus-band and a dad. Jana and I have three children: Joshua (8), Andi (5), and Christian (3). They are great kids, and they have a greater mother. The thrill of my life is to be included in their midst, stumbling around as the leader of this pack.

The most accurate way you can imagine me right now is asking the Lord for grace to say the right thing

to my kids and to honor my wife because once again, I’ve failed to do both. I’m a fellow traveler, another person who is trying the best he can to live and teach the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s a road I’m honored to be on, and one I hope we can learn from together.

I’d love to hear from you! Email me your ideas and questions at homelife@lifeway.com. You can also find me at michaelkelleyministries.com or on Twitter @_MichaelKelley.

Michael Kelley

A Fellow Traveler

Connect With Us:homelife@lifeway.com

lifeway.com/homelifeonline

facebook.com/homelifemagazine

twitter.com/homelifemag

from the editor

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Hero in the MakingHow does God measure a superhero?BY JASON & KELLY STEWART

DECOR▼Cost: $5-6Time: 15 minutes

• Line tables with superhero action figures.

• Fill votives or hurricanes with multi-colored candies.

• Write superhero sayings such as “Zap!” and “Pow!” on construction paper, then glue to skewers and place in candy-filled votives.

• Download hero pictures to display.

FOOD▼Cost: $10-20Time: 30 to 45 minutes

Hero Sandwiches: Serve deli meats, cheeses, hoagie rolls, and condiments.

In a Jam Sandwiches: Make peanut butter and jelly and use a gingerbread-man cookie cutter to cut out the sandwiches.

Energy Sticks: Cut vegetables that can be placed on a skewer such as: carrots, pickles, celery, black olives, broccoli, and sugar snap peas. Then have kids assemble their own skewers.

Kryptonite: Make green gelatin or color vanilla pudding with a drop of green food coloring.

Superjuice: Rename the beverage of your choice.

Talking Points:During the meal, ask family members to share who their favorite superhero is and what super power they wish they could have.

With a little bit of planning, you can have an incredible time with your family while strengthening your children’s faith. This month’s Family Time will challenge your family to be heroic for God with these activities and our family devotion. Show your kids how God measures a hero.

You’re short on time, and your kids are short on attention. Family Time is a devotion centered on a fun theme to help you live out Deuteronomy 6:5-8 in creative, memorable ways.

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Keep It Going: For a daily parent cue with a suggested Scripture reading and discussion starter, visit lifeway.com/homelifeonline.

Memory Verses

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Memory VersesJanuary 6: “Mankind, He has told you what is good and what it is the LORD requires of you: to act justly, to love faithfulness, and to walk humbly with your God.”

— Micah 6:8

January 13: “Let no one despise your youth; instead, you should be an example to the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”

— 1 Timothy 4:12

January 20: “My shield is with God, who saves the upright in heart.”

— Psalm 7:10

January 27: “For God did not send His Son into the world that He might condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.”

— John 3:17

COSTUMES▼Cost: $3Time: 20 to 40 minutes

Superhero Mask: Using a craft knife, cut masks from stiff felt. Let kids deco-rate their masks with stickers. Attach yarn for kids to wear.

Bands of Steel: Have your kids cut strips of yellow or gray construction paper to fit around their wrists. Let them decorate with stickers, markers, or crayons.

GAMES▼Cost: FreeTime: 10 to 20 minutes

Crashing Walls: Gather cardboard boxes or old appliance boxes to build a wall. Decorate the boxes to look like a brick wall or cityscape. Have children take turns breaking through the wall.

Kryptonite Hunt: Cover paper towel tubes with green construction paper. In the tubes hide pieces of paper with a characteristic of a powerful superhero. Use words like strong, dependable, wise, helps others, or good friend. Hide them in your home or yard and let kids find them.

DEVOTION▼Time: 10 minutes

Say: Who doesn’t love a superhero? Do we admire the costume, the courage, the drive for justice, the special powers, or something else? Is a hero made of bulging muscles and valiant feats, or is a hero someone who makes daily choices to do what’s right?

Ask: What does it take to be a hero for God?

Say: The Bible is full of heroes. Let’s lread Hebrews 11 to discover what’s necessary to be a hero in God’s kingdom.

Discuss: Have family members share what they know about a few people listed and how they were heroes for God.

Say: Hebrews 11 shows us that the true measuring stick of heroism is faith. Faith is believing what God says is true and doing what He says. Another great Scripture to read as we think about God’s job description for a hero is Micah 6:8: “Mankind, He has told you what is good and what it is the LORD requires of you: to act justly, to love faithfulness, and to walk humbly with your God.” We can all be heroes. It doesn’t require the extraordinary or the incredible but the faithful and the humble. Our heroes of faith in Hebrews 11 were ordinary people through whom God did the extraordinary. That’s His master hero plan, to use us to show how great He is by giving us the power and direction to do the brave and courageous. First Timothy 4:12 gives kids and adults some encouraging heroic training: “Let no one despise your youth; instead, you should be an example to the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”

Ask: How can you be a superhero for God this month?

Pray: Thank God for the true hero Jesus Christ, for Jesus’ faithfulness to our Heavenly Father, and for His mission of going to the cross. Ask God to give each person in your family the faith you need to follow and be a true hero for Him. •

Jason & Kelly Stewart are the proud parents of four children and love to share fun family nights together. Jason has been on staff at LifePoint Church for nine years, and they are currently serving at their campus in the Seattle area. They are the creators of the ministry Family Muscle, which focuses on building strong families through strategic and intentional living.

Join our community! lifeway.com/homelifeonline JANUARY 2013 HOMELIFE 15

SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY

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JANUARY 2013 1 2 3 4 5

6 7 8 9 10 11 12

13 14 15 16 17 18 19

20 21 22 23 24 25 26

27 28 29 30

Memorize 1 Timothy 4:12.

MemorizeMicah 6:8.

SANCTITY OF HUMAN LIFE

SUNDAY

MemorizePsalm 7:10.

What’s your favorite superhero

catchphrase?

MemorizeJohn 3:17.

Thank God for our military personnel, who are willing to show the “greatest love” (John 15:13)

by risking their lives for freedom.

NEW YEAR’S DAY

What’s your mission training manual? (See 2 Timothy

3:16-17.)

Watch your favorite superhero movie.

MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY

Choose to show mercy today. (See

Matthew 5:7.)

Enter to win VeggieTales®: The League of Incredible Vegetables

(see lifeway.com /homelifeonline).

Who is the ultimate Avenger? (See

Romans 12:18-19.)

m family challenge This month, be a real-life hero to someone. This could mean shoveling a driveway for an elderly couple, inviting a single friend to your house for dinner, or baby-sitting for new parents.

16 HOMELIFE JANUARY 2013

forward progressg MICHAEL KELLEY

More Than a FeelingWhere faith and discipline meet

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22 HOMELIFE JANUARY 2013 Find us on Facebook! facebook.com/homelifemagazine

Gustave Flaubert, the French writer most famous for his first published work Madame Bovary, once said, “One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels.”

In other words, you can exercise some control by sheer will over your actions, but feelings? Well, that’s a different story. You can’t control what you feel. You feel what you feel, and because you feel what you feel, it’s like spitting into the wind to try and control it. Right?

Yes, I think. But like so many other things, you can be para-lyzed into inaction by uncontrollable feelings. What happens when you feel one way, yet you know you should feel some-thing else? What happens when you know, for example, that you shouldn’t be angry with your spouse or your kids, and yet you feel angry anyway? In your mind, you realize that your spouse didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You know cognitively that you’re being way too sensitive. Similarly, you know that your 2-year-old didn’t mean to spill milk on your computer, and you further know that you’re actually angry at yourself for having it open on the table to begin with.

You know there’s no basis for your hostility. And yet there you are, fuming with rage. What do you do then?

Act on Faith Do you simply let yourself fizzle out? Do you wait to do some-thing until you feel differently?

No, you don’t. In a life busy with family obligations, you can’t afford to count to 10 over and over again until your feel-ings change. Instead, you act anyway, even when (and maybe most especially because) your feelings contradict what you know to be true.

You apologize. Or you forgive. Or you sacrifice. You do so not because you feel like it; you do so because it’s good, right, and true. You do it, in other words, as an act of faith.

You don’t feel like apologizing, forgiving, or sacrificing. Or obeying, for that matter. In short, you acknowledge what you feel to be real, yet you submit yourself to a greater reality. A more important truth. You refuse to be governed by what your

senses tell you in the moment and instead believe something different. That belief is strong enough to look contrary feelings in the eye and not blink.

Feelings Will Follow This is where the faith and discipline of discipleship begin to meet. They’re not at odds with each other; in fact, they shake hands. Maybe more than shake hands. They hug in a close embrace, gratified at their partnership.

So you act. It’s a disciplined action, for the very definition of discipline implies doing something that you really don’t feel like doing. It’s like if you discipline yourself to go to a job in the morning or if you discipline yourself to choose rightly. In neither case do you really feel like doing it, but you do it anyway. Discipline that embraces faith changes everything.

Suddenly, when you take the disciplined action of apolo-gizing, forgiving, sacrificing, or obeying, you don’t do so as some kind of a martyr, feeling sorry for yourself along the way. Rather, you do so trusting that God will take the incomplete action you’re disciplining yourself to take and, through His grace, use it for good. But wait, it gets even better.

When you act, despite your feelings, you more times than not actually begin to feel differently. Notice, though, that you don’t feel differently before you act, but as a result of acting. In this way, it seems, you bring the weight of the authority of Jesus Christ slamming down on your momentary emotions. With every action that contradicts your feelings, you hammer away at your sinful, selfish self. You remind your emotions that they do not rule the day — Jesus does.

And what you find, time and time again, especially as your heart begins to change, is that in this domain — the domain of the emotions — Jesus Christ is still Lord. •

Michael Kelley, M.Div., and his wife, Jana, have three children. He’s the executive editor of HomeLife and the Director of Discipleship at LifeWay Christian Resources. His works include The Tough Sayings of Jesus, Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal, and Transformational Discipleship. Keep up with Michael on his blog at michaelkelleyministries.com or on Twitter @_MichaelKelley.

Discipline that embraces faith changes everything.

When you act, despite your feelings, you more times than not actually start

to feel differently.

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TRANSFORMATIONAL DISCIPLESHIP ▶Bible Engagement Though the majority of churchgoers desire to honor Christ with their lives and even profess to think about biblical truths, a recent study conducted by LifeWay Research found few actually engage in personal reading and study of the Scriptures. The survey found▼

90% of churchgoers “desire to please and honor Jesus in all [they] do,” and ▼

59%find themselves “thinking about biblical truths throughout the day.” However, when asked how often they personally read the Bible, only▼

19%responded with “every day.” Ed Stetzer, president of LifeWay Research, said, “Bible engagement has an impact in just about every area of spiritual growth. You can follow Christ and see Christianity as your source of truth, but if that truth does not permeate your thoughts, aspirations, and actions, you are not fully engaging the truth.”

Source: LifeWay Research, survey of 2,930 Protestant churchgoers

A Lost Generation Forty years ago on January 22, 1973, Roe v. Wade legalized abortion and has led to the loss of more than 55 million children. The Bible places particular significance on the number 40. Consider Noah on a big boat in the storm; Moses and the Israelites trying to find the Promise Land; and Jesus fast-ing and praying in the dessert. In fact, the Bible refers to 40 as a “generation.” I was a young college student who was passion-ate, vocal, and pro-choice. Little did I know that my own selfishness would lead me to make a choice for abortion a few years down the road.

As we pass this life-chang-ing anniversary, I’m still pas-sionate, vocal, and pro-choice. However, this time, my pro-choice message declares the words of Deuteromony 30:19

— "I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life so that you and your descendants may live." I’m counting on the promise found in Revelation 12:11, which assures me we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the words of our testimony. It’s become my pas-sion and calling to protect and defend the next generation.

— Pat Layton, author of Surrendering the Secret (LifeWay) and A Surrendered Life (Crossbooks). Learn more at patlayton.net.

The reason most community is shallow in our world

is because it’s built on temporary founda-tions. The reason most relationships don’t last is

because they’re built on commonalities that change over time. When the common bond changes, the

relationship changes. If relationships aren’t built on something deeper than finding good restaurants, working at the same company, or having kids in the same activities, they will change whenever the common bond is no longer there. Com-

munity is only as strong as what it’s built upon.And nothing is as strong as the gospel.

Adapted from Creature of the Word by Matt Chandler, Josh Patterson, and Eric Geiger (B&H).

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