HIDE THE METAPHORPoetry

Adapted from Metaphors and Similes You Can Eat by Orel Protopopescu Scholastic 2004

This poetry lesson is designed to expand a metaphor. It’s important to know that a metaphor is the soul of literature, both poetry and prose. To make this point, read Mark Twain’s description of Colonel Grangerford from Chapter 18 of Huckleberry Finn:

HIDE THE METAPHOR“…Everybody loved to have him around,

too; he was sunshine most always – I mean he made it seem like good weather. When he turned into a cloud bank it was awful dark for half a minute, and that was enough; there wouldn’t nothing go wrong again for a week.”

HIDE THE METAPHORA metaphor is not a definition like “A

tiger is a big cat,” nor a fact like “Snow is water in a different form.”

HIDE THE METAPHORAvoid confusing images such as, “The

sun is a big grapefruit, ripening in the sunshine.”

Let’s try a game called “Hide the Metaphor”The night is a streamWith stripes across the sky.When it thundersThe water is hitting the rocks.As the comets go byIs the stream flowing? How would you make the

comparison clear without stating it explicitly? Describe night as if it were a stream.

Let’s start off with:The night flows,Rushing over rocks and stars…

Let’s try a hidden metaphor to describe something as if it were something else. Example: Fog

The fog comes On little cat feetIt sits lookingOver harbor and cityOn silent haunchesAnd then moves on-Carl SandburgIs fog described as if it were a cat in this poem, or is a

cat described as if it were fog?

The poet was describing fog while thinking of a cat. Sandburg never names the cat, though gives a strong hint with “little cat feet.”

The nouns compared in a metaphor should be close enough that the comparison makes sense, but far enough apart that it’s interesting to bring them together. They are certainly far enough apart, but what are the similarities?

THE SENSESSee Hear touch

Fog and a cat look fluffy and can have similar colors, too.

They are silent While you can’t hold the fog, it gives you a soft feeling, and it moves like a cat, stealthily. Movement is a sensation like touch.

PERSONIFICATIONInside a Dry Cleaning ShopInside a dry cleaning shop,They met each other on the rack.Him so manly and so neat,From the top of his hatTo the cuffs of his slacks,So dark and handsome,Tall and sleekHer so dainty and so pale,With plump arms topped with lace,A waist so tiny, tied so tight,With a ribbon of the purest whiteFrom which flowed a skirt,So wide on every side,His sleeves started to shake,His heart flip-flopped, His jacket stretched,And two buttons popped.He tipped his hat and asked,“Where did you come from?”

“From the Governor’s Ball,” she answered.“And you?”“A wedding,” he replied.Inside a secondhand store,They met each other on the shelfHim-ragged and a little torn,His hat all crumpled up,Four buttons missing and a sleeve,And his bow tie gone.Her-without the lace and all the bows,Her white ribbon, a dirty yellow,Her arms just hanging like a sack,Her worn skirt drooping at the back.“We meet again,” he sadly said.“Yes ,” she sobbed,But more she couldn’t say,For then the trash man came And dragged her far away.

-Hagar Shirman (7th grade)

DarknessDarkness knows Hunger.It knows when to gorge itselfOn the sweet, yellow light of day.It know when to nibbleAt the bottom of daylight’s skirtAnd then,When noticed,Devour the rest.Darkness then slowlySlides over the land,Its yellow stomachGlowing brightly deep within.When darkness reigns,A million little crubms of silverLight it missedDance and sparkleTo remind us thatMorningWill return.

-Megan Orosz (8th grade)

EXPANDED METAPHORJanuaryA lake’s a cakeYou sliceWith your skates when it is iceToo thick to splinter,Where you figure-eightTo decorate Winter.

A SERIES OF METAPHORSMarchA kite’s a spriteYou guide,A bright messageThat you’ve tiedAnd sent by cable,A designer sky’s Lift-all-eyesLabel.

(messages used to be sent by cables, that is, over telegraph wires)

GROUP POEMSometimes it may be difficult to expand

on a metaphor. Let’s see if we can do this as a group.

Love is…..

MODEL POEMSThe Rain Break-

danceI drop like the rainAnd throw my legsLike rain slippingOff the roof.I step after stepLike the drip drop of

rainI do a twistLike rain in the windAnd end the danceOn my knee in a

puddle.Velcro LoveThey were put

together the way a child puts on Velcro shoes.

They could be separated

As if a child ripped them off.

They kissed like Velcro strips touching,

But after a while, they

got worn out.

MoonThe moon is like a

peachSometimes while,Sometimes half,Swwet like the night

sky,Growing each day.

YOUR JOB:It is now your turn to come up with an

extended metaphor. Start in your writer’s notebook. Once you feel as if you made the revisions, begin to type and hand it in. Be ready to share it with the class!

POETRY 2: STARTLING COMBINATIONSThis lesson demands abstract thinking

just like the last one did. You will pair two nouns or a noun and an adjective to create a kind of friction between the words.

FROM TO THE MOON AND BACK A COLLECTION OF POEMS, COMPILED BY NANCY LARRICK.Instant StormOne day in the Thrift-Rite SupermartMY jaw dropped with wonder.For there, right next to frozen peas,Sat frozen French-fried thunder,Vanilla-flavored lightning bolts,Fresh-frozen raindrop rattle-So I bought the stuff and hauled it homeAnd grabbed my copper kettle.

I’d cook me a mess of homemade storm!But when it started melting, The thunder shook my kitchen sinkThe ice-cold rain kept pelting,Eight lightning bolts bounced round the roomAnd snapped my pancake turners-What a blooming shame!Then a rainbow cameAn spanned my two front burners.

-X.J. Kennedy

Nouns AdjectivesDream BrokenLove SilentDarkness FallingRose PeacefulStorm SourWords LoudEyes InstantWinter RisingSpring CruelSummer SweetFall WildWar MadSchool ScaredKing TiredDay Young/ OldGirl/Boy Brilliant

USING WORD PAIRSIf you are using the nound/adjective pair,

be sure to choose words that create some friction between the adjective/noun, not habitual language; not instant potatoes but instant storm…not silent night but silent war…not young boy or young girl, but old boy or old girl….not broken heart, but broken dream…

SILENT HURRICANEDuring the night,The wind blew softly.My dog didn’t barkAs she usually didWhen it was dark.The wind was blowingThrough my dog’s harid.I got up in the morningTo see if she was there.In the yard,There wasn’t a sound,Not even the dog Moving around.Now I know there was A silent hurricaneIn my heartThat night she died

MIDNIGHT’S WHEELMidnight’s wheel rollsAround Saturn’s rings,Poor helpless peopleGetting no sleep.Blue and white here no longerFor the sky is black.City slickers wander,Yelling with the streetsThe planets are falling,Making us weak,Screeching moonsBecoming litterIn the black night’s bloomAs the wheel rolls on.

YOUR JOBNow it is your turn to pare tow nouns or

a noun and an adjective to create a kind of friction between the words.