CHILD-FOCUSED PARENTING:

TODDLERS

• Being a child-focused parent, means making the needs of your child a priority, in not only your parenting plan, but in your life. The effectiveness

of this approach is reliant upon some strategies. But don’t be deterred. All the basics you need to know you will find here!

• Having a better knowledge and understanding about the levels of communication and discipline that are appropriate for your toddler, will benefit your child’s development.

• Consistency within your parenting approach at the toddler stage will be a key role for you in being child-focused.

• The main developmental issues that occur in the toddler stage: exploration of the world,

sense of mastery, individual, autonomous self, sense of right and wrong.

WHAT IS CHILD- FOCUSED PARENTING?

WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?

• If you use this approach effectively it is likely to be influential on your toddler’s development of stability, control of behaviour, improved motor skills, language skills (as opposed to crying), greater emotional capacities, and a greater interaction with, and exploration of their environment.

• It encourages your toddler to pursue their natural inquisitive nature, which is essential for their emotional, cognitive and social development.

• It encourages the modulation of positive emotional reactions to situations and assists your child in remaining focused on the activity they are undertaking. This is important- later developmental stages will benefit from this and make your job a lot easier! A more focused child will widen their learning/intellectual skills and may help with concentration when being taught communication skills, particularly in the speaking department.

• It is important to acknowledge your child’s feelings. Remember though, when you are approaching a difficult situation, that positive attention reinforces good behaviour!

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If you become stressed with other influential areas of your life, for example your marriage or work, you can be left feeling overwhelmed and it can become difficult to be emotionally available for your child. However, emotional availability is important for your child in forming attachments that assist in development. By having a child-focused plan in place from the early stages of childhood, the strategies and skills you learn will become instinctive. This means, as time goes on you will find that you no longer have to think about implementing these skills, they will become automatic and therefore when you face obstacles in your own life you will find you still have the ability to be a child-focused parent at the same time.

Parenting can often create stress and depression when trying to meet the needs of your toddler. If these difficulties are left unaddressed it can have a direct impact upon your toddler. They may become less socially competent and develop behavioural difficulties. To reduce the risk of your child displaying the same depressed characteristics, losing attention, being non-compliant and impulsive, try increasing the positive family interactions.

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The use of bad-feeling attention- such as the word ‘no’ should not be used constantly. Restrict it to such times when it will be beneficial for your toddler, such as situations where their safety is at risk. Used rarely, this can be effective teaching tool for your child.

Employ anti-arguing strategies by refusing to respond more than twice to a child’s repeated request. Although your child may become a little anxious at first, this strategy may be an effective method of preventing larger anxiety disorders as your child develops.

The CLeaR method- this is the first form of discipline parents of toddlers should become familiar with and enforce. It involves:

Commenting on your child’s behaviour when it is desirable

Labeling the pleasing behaviour

Follow with a reward. Acknowledging your toddler’s desirable behaviour, and providing positive attention, encourages your child to engage in the desirable behaviour more often. It is important to pay very little attention to the undesirable attention.

Don’t ignore the behaviour, rather reduce the attention you give to it.

Intervene in a quiet manner and with few words if behaviour is likely to be detrimental to safety.

Redirect your child to an activity that allows them to be praised with the CLeaR method.

After enforcing these steps of the CLeaR method regularly, your toddler will soon be able to distinguish between which behaviours bring them more attention, and therefore are more likely to engage in these behaviours more often.

The 2X rule for toddlers: be sure this strategy is still within your 20% bad-feeling allotment. The steps involve:

Warning your child that unless they abide by your requests, there will be an instant consequence.

For a child of this age the most effective consequence is the removal of a privilege or preferred object for a few minutes. Ensure the object you are removing is one they can live without and NOT a transitional toy the child actually requires.

Introduce the 80-20 rule: make sure that 80% of the attention you give your child is positive. It is understandable and even expected, that you will experience fatigue and irritation at times. This ratio allows 20% of your attention to be a “bad-feeling allotment” to take into account such factors.

Discipline: Remaining Child-Focused!

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Child-focused Parenting 4

References

Brooks, J. B. (2011). The process of parenting (8th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

Gaertner, B. M., Spinrad, T. L., & Eisenberg, N. (2008). Focused attention in toddlers:

Measurement, stability, and relations to negative emotion and parenting. Infant and Child

Development, 17, 339-363.

McIntosh, J. E., Wells, Y. D., & Long, C. M. (2007). Child-focused and child-inclusive Family

Law dispute resolution: One year findings from a prospective study of outcomes. Journal

of Family Studies, 13, 8-25.

Radcliffe, S. C. (2006). Raise your kids without raising your voice. New York, NY: BPS Books.