Itwasnoscalpelslippery,itwasshrapnelspinningToreNurseTrent'shandintotendonandjellyNowmyhand'snotholding,helpingorgrippingReportingthesesymptoms,Iwastreatedforinsanity.

Somecravenlinesbetweenyourlines––Youcannothave,Isay:InjusticemeansmypainmustbulgeOutofyourboxesnow.Perhaps,inpreviouspeacefulFranceNightfightingair-bombersblightedwards?Ofcoursetheydidn't!TheirdeadlyrepetitionMeantIwasstrongandhelpful,nowcan'tsleeporsmell.

Makenomistake,myDearestSirIamJoanGrace,anurseJoinedupforwarinlateFourteen.Resignedbeforetheend.Resigned?WastoldIhadtogo.Youshallnotshedmenow."Pleasenotesuccessfulclaimswillhaveshown,toThesatisfactionofthisofficethat

Mypen'srefilledagain.

There'spriorcauseinme.Youdon'twantanswers,youwantproof

BlunttoolwithjustoneaimCaresnotwe'refemaletwoyearson,Seehowitstarts?"DearSir"!

YourdisabilitywascausedormadeWorsebyyourGreatWarservice".Answers,please--

SixweeksI'vehadthisclumsyformThecatisfed,mother'sasleepBasedonthepensionrecordsofseveralnursesandV.A.D.’sfromthe National Archives’ collection. With thanks to Dr. DenisePoynter, Dr. Christine Hallett and Amanda Gwinnup for theirinput.PartI

HerWarLibretto:JonathanRuffleMusic:EdwinRoxburgh

Aleaf.ToAnne,Isay,'thisdeadlyplaceWherealliswrong,canitbewrongtofeelSoright?Wewillnotcomethiswayagain.'Annewelledupso:couldonlycough.PoorAnne.

NurseAnne,sixhours,faceraw,threwhers.

Somemodestgiftsuponthebenchleftby

Shouldnothavejoined,welaughedThatwasmyC.C.S.NurseGrace,Ijudgeawardsofpensions,soAnecdotesandcharmingtalesarelegion.Simply,wasyourulcermadeworseorcausedMendedmen,goneupthelinetofight.A

Ifyoucan'ttakeajoke,wellthat

"Don'tbeafraidnownurse!"whileheshooklikeByyourwarserviceintheV.A.D?JOAN(HEAD):Rose,apencil,chocolatebars.Thepencil-chap,Iseehimnow,criedoutinbombingraids,Shiftdone,wedragtobedourachinglegs.

Part2AttheTribunalCHAIRMAN:

Webellowedovernear-missshellsWedideachother'sjobs.Merewillinghelper,notanurseStillsentofftothefrontACasualtyClearingStation:ThePadreclosedmoreladsthanmeThenormforC.C.S.KnownasaC.C.S.The"VictimAlwaysDies".NurseGracebringherevidencetobeheard.JOAN:VoluntaryAidDetachmentOrV.A.D.forshortTheladswouldcrackthatitstoodfor

ThatdaywechokedonMustardGasStillclingingtotheirclothesSomuchweworeourmasksourselvesBegoggledC.C.S.

AsIamchairofthistribunal,may

CHAIRMAN:

CHAIRMAN:Perhapsyou'redeaf,NurseGrace?YourulcermustBebornbefore,orbornofthisGreatWar?JOAN:YoucannotknowthecarnagewithoutendTheykeptoncoming,crammingeverywardBedsbetweenbeds,bedsoutintherainTheBigPushontheBoschebatteredusthemoreAnuglyunderliningofmyuniversalignoranceTonotknowwhatneededtobedoneTransfixingmeinterror,turningmetostoneImpatientdeathdodgedroundme,damningallItried.JOAN(HEAD):TaptapTaptap.JOAN:Bedsheetstornforbandages,bluntedneedlesusedagainIdeclinethefood,don'tdrink,leastIhavetobeexcused.Eatingjustforenergy,existingnotaliveInastandingstupor,deepsleepawistfuldream.Letters,lotsofletters,butmightwellbefromMarsSayingdon'tspeakwithsoldiersunlessmatronisthere.OnlyslowlygainingskillstospotwhendeathSlipstweenthesheetstosqueezeoutthelastoflife.Onfaces,Ipickoutaparticularpallidshade,orThattwitch,orthosetightenedpinched-innostrils.Andthechill,notthecoldofcheerlessnightButthecunningcold,thestealthycoldofdeath.CHAIRMAN:Insigningform3548,Yousaidyou'dserveabroad.JOAN:IwenttoFrancetodosomegood,notpeerBeyondlife'srim.Forwhenyouknowtheywon'tSurvive,youpostyourselfbeside.BecomeTheirmother,sister,wife.InroleassumedYousayandhearthethingsthetwoaliveCouldneverhopetofind.AftersixmonthsIhadtorest.Hospitalbedthistime.IturnedtostoneandIcouldnotfeelmybodyWastoldIwasn'tnormal,andtreatedforinsanity.JOAN(HEAD):Taptap

Yourmilitaryservice.Thatwasyourchance

Iwastoldtosignthat.CHAIRMAN:JOAN:

YousayyouwerenotsufferingHere,clearlyinform22,Anydisabilitydueto

Ifwecouldgobacktoyourulcer–JOAN:

JOAN(HEAD):TaptapTaptap.

YearsofserviceandIneverReceivedagratuity.JOAN(HEAD):TaptapTaptapCHAIRMAN:No-onewhoresignsisgivenagratuity.Yousaidyouresigned"tonurseyoursister,Whoisinverydelicatehealth."

Andutterlydevoidoftact.Indiscreet.Exaggeratedthings.

TosayitWasitnot?

MylifewasthenmadeCHAIRMAN:ThematronsaysyouweredifficultUnhappybythematron.CHAIRMAN:NoInsanityonthereport,Just"vaguesymptomsofillness".JOAN:

WhatIthoughtI'dneversay-Pre-datesthewarsonowThenyoumustwishtohearDoyouhaveanythingtosay?Thex-rayshowsyourulcerJOAN:Wecannotgrantyouapension

Irecognisedmysister'sfaceinyours,miss.ShewasaV.A.D.,shecamebacktoherjobatthebutchers.Butshecan'tlookatrawmeat.She'sallaloneandshecan'tstandit.

Out,outintotheairShakefreeoflurkingdemonsDraggingmebackthere.Youlookaskanceatmyuniform?

Thepencil.Thechairman'spencil.

CHAIRMAN:

CLERK(SPOKEN):CLERK(SPOKEN):

JOAN(HEAD):Outintotheshoutingstreet,Remindsyouofthewar?I'mgladitdoes,IhopeitdoesOfwhatwedidbefore.Madam,madam,pleasestop,please.IwastheclerkinthereandIhadtofollowyouout.Yourface.Yourface,yourvoice,whenthechairmantappedhispencil.JOAN(HEAD):

JustadmityouoweustoomuchAndletmerestinpeace.Responsibility.WhatyougladlyrentfrommeDon'tcallmemad,ortrytoshirkMymenstruation'sstopped,you'vedeniedmemotherhoodAdesertofdespairdownwherethereshouldbejoyYourpettyformcanneverpayForcedintoframingmymostfundamentalsecretMymedicinemeansIhavethewordstosay

Part3IntheStreet

AndfindwhereImightbe?Digpastthisanger?WhatifIFindanger'sallIam?Angercontainedbyself-controlButcontrolcouldnotsaveCanitbethatIcanreachinsideAnne'slife.ControlcouldnotmakeMetheperfectchild.NorcouldthatperfectchildPutmaandpabacktogetheragain.CanItakethisstep,Thisstepfromtheiceof"I"

JOAN:

Intothewarmthof"us"Theholdingus?Imust.Imust.

CLERK(SPOKEN):Thenyouknowwhatshefeelslike.Canyouhelpher?JOAN(SPOKEN):Whocanhelpus?CLERK(SPOKEN):Maybeyoucanhelpeachother.

JOAN:Wesleptlikelogsthatnight.IwokeTogaspingAnne,themustardgasHadwormedinsideandpoisonedherChokednowwithclottedblood.I'dseenthemcutbelowthelumpSoplaininmen'stoughnecks.PaleAnne,whereshouldIcutyourthroatAndwhatwastheretouse?Iknewtocall,keepcallingout"Haemorrhage!Haemorrhage!"Thesharpestthinginthatbareplace.Apencil.Apencil.Toolate.