healthy congregations: an introduction rev. joan van becelaere ohio-meadville district
TRANSCRIPT
Healthy Congregations: An Introduction
Rev. Joan Van Becelaere
Ohio-Meadville District
OverviewToday, we will look at some key concepts from a
longer series of workshops on growing Healthy Congregations.
In the full workshops, we study video case studies and discuss them. We look at examples from our own congregations and analyze them.
Today, we’ll look at congregations as interactive, interconnected emotional systems.
We will look very briefly at the affect anxiety has on a congregational system.
And say a word or two about healthy leadership.
System Thinking
System ThinkingTo think “System” is to think in a unique way.Things do not exist independently, only in
relationships to something elseThe whole cannot be understood by simply
understanding each partThings only function as they do because of
the presence of one anotherNothing is influenced in one direction, all is
co-causal.
Systems Thinking When change in one part of a relationship
produces change in other parts of the relationship, you know you are dealing with a system
All parts contribute to what is happening The interactions between different people
affect the whole for good or bad There is mutual maintenance of behavior,
seeking after stability, homeostasis Relationships are not merely interesting-
that’s all there is
Congregation as an Emotional System Where two or more are gathered, there
is an emotional system. All human beings live in emotional
systems. The same emotional processes occur in all relationships.
Driving these systems are innate forces that seek survival.
The resulting behaviors are not learned or thought out. They are “wired in,” automatic, instinctive, reactive, natural phenomena.
Congregation as an Emotional SystemCongregations are emotional systems with
patterns and habits. What happens in the every day life of the
congregation is natural, for it is what happens in all emotional systems. It’s not unique.
They resist change from the familiar pattern even if it is dysfunctional, homeostasis. (We’ve always done it this way – even though we hate it!)
No emotional system will change unless people change how they behave and function with one another in the system.
What systems thinking tells us about congregations
Systems thinking takes away polarities of either/or and cause and effect thinking.
There is no “one cause” to any system’s current state of being.
Every cause is a reaction and every reaction is also a cause.
What systems thinking tells us about congregations
Institutions tend to institutionalize the pathology, or the genius, of the founders.
Patterns of behavior resist being changed, homeostasis
Emotional processes in a church can cause the system to get stuck for years and years.
Relationships in the present can have more to do with emotional processes that have been reinforced for many generations than with the logic of their current connection.
What systems thinking tells us about congregations
Health is always linked to growth in depth, mission and numbers.
Healthy congregations are more attractive to new people who sense the feeling level in the congregation as healthy.
Congregation as an Emotional SystemEmotional systems are driven by two major
forces - separateness and closeness. Every person and group functions within a
context of relationships. (That’s all there is!!)Two needs influence these relationships —
the need to be separate, to stand alone, to be independent; and the need to be close, to connect, to interact with others.
Congregation as an Emotional System Separation forces work to reduce the
tension associated with being too close to others and the need to affiliate
Closeness forces work to reduce the tension associated with individual differences and the need to be distinct.
Anxiety may arise when individuals sense themselves to be outside their comfort zone relative to separateness and closeness.
Congregation as an Emotional SystemThe Balancing of Separateness and Closeness
is the process of Self-Differentiation. A healthy person or group balances the two
forces. Healthy persons (and group)s are separate
and responsible and accountable for their actions/lives.
They are also connected and responsive to others.
The Universe – from stars to lichen, work by a process of balancing and differentiation.
Congregation as an Emotional SystemBecause Separateness and Closeness are
opposites, the potential for tension exists in all relational systems. This tension can be destructive or creative.
To relieve anxiety, people may go to extremes of closeness (fusion) or extremes of separateness (cut-off).
Either extreme is destructive if people get stuck there.
Congregation as an Emotional SystemSelf-Differentiation is the ability to define
self to others and still stay connected to them – even in the midst of anxiety. It is taking responsibility for one’s own emotional functioning.
The goal is to be able to balance the two needs.
Some folk have difficulty balancing. These people may experience difficulty in leadership.
Congregation as an Emotional SystemSelf-Differentiation is most evident in the way
we work out differences and conflict with each other.
Self-Differentiation is the capacity to “like the way your mother fried potatoes but not to be overwhelmed by anxiety if someone else’s mother fried them differently. This means you don’t try to convert others to your mother’s fried potatoes, nor do you give in to another’s need for fried potatoes of a certain kind. And you do not disconnect from another until they fry their potatoes your mother’s way.” (Steinke)
Healthy Congregations Workshop
Mission“If a sailor has no destination – no clear
idea of where to go – the sailboat meanders or stays adrift. The sailor needs a destination in order to adjust the sails in relation to winds. Communities are no different. Without a destination (mission), their responses are random, habitual, or meaningless. Congregations with a vision set their sails. Leaders are sailors.” (Peter Steinke)
Healthy Congregations Focus on Strengths and MissionHumans have a pervasive need for
connections and relationship.A congregation is an expression of that need
for connectedness and purpose. We need to explore and know why we have
come together (mission)Leaders are the guardians of the mission and
keep it alive. Leaders help the congregation develop a
vision of how it will live out its mission.
Healthy Congregations Focus on Strengths and MissionA common vision is an expression of hope for the
future that captures imagination, mobilizes energy and connects people.
All healthy relationship systems exist in a creative tension between vision (ideal, future) and reality (present). Unhealthy systems don’t deal with the tension and
lower the vision to match the current reality, live in the past.
Healthy systems accept tension as a motivation to transcend reality of what is for the sake of what can be.
Healthy Congregations Focus on Strengths and MissionWhen a congregation focuses on strength, it
will look to the future and increase the potential for change or renewal.A group focused on weakness and what is
wrong will fall into hopelessness, pathology, blame and deficits.
A group that looks to its strengths will build on them and move forward through change and anxiety.
Healthy Congregations Focus on Strengths and MissionA focus on strength is a focus on learning.
Welcomes new ideas, dialogue, and differences.A focus on strength helps a congregation
reorganize itself after change or loss.A focus on strength is a focus on grace and
graciousness.Health in people and systems is hurt by
emotions of vengeance and envy and depression.Health is promoted by emotions like gratitude
and appreciation.
Anxiety in CongregationsAnxiety is natural. It affects all human
relationships, communities and systems.It is an automatic response to a change or
a threat – real or imagined.We can't live without it. It arouses us to make changes in our lives. But when it gets too intense and crosses a
threshold it paralyses us and affects our thinking.
Anxiety in CongregationsAnxiety may be ordinary, acute or chronic.Ordinary anxiety is part of life in the midst of
social change.Acute anxiety is the emotional disturbance
that is change or crisis generated. Chronic anxiety is habitual. It is structured
into the relationship or system itself. Any trigger sets it off, small or large
Healthy systems handle anxiety with resiliency.
Unhealthy systems crack under anxiety.
Anxiety in CongregationsWhen people are highly anxious, they find it
hard to avoid extremes in reactions. Highly anxious people want safety, self
preservation. Instincts take over. When driven by anxiety, we loses
imagination, clarity, insight, direction, good judgment, discriminatory powers, and resiliency.
The same can happen in congregations.We can get stuck. Love and covenant are
out the door.
The Human Brain and Anxiety To understand anxiety’s effect, we
need to look at how the human brain functions.
Three parts of the brain have specialized functions: • Amygdala – Survival Processes – Reptilian• Limbic System – Emotional Responses –
Mammalian• Cerebral Hemispheres – Conscious
rational thought - Neocortex
The Human Brain and AnxietyIf anxiety is intense, we move to a reptilian
response, self-preservation. The reptilian brain wants a rapid reaction to
potential danger. You see a snake about to strike – you move!
The mammalian brain interprets whether something is painful or pleasurable.
Strong anxiety can push the brain’s reaction to love or hate in the extreme.
The Human Brain and AnxietyThe thinking brain has the potential to
regulate the mammalian and reptilian brains.A mature, differentiated person has the
capacity to regulate reactions and respond creatively, thoughtfully to anxiety triggers.
If we are intensely anxious the lower brains can overwhelm the thinking brain.
Certain issues, triggers, can bring out emotional reactions in undifferentiated people/groups that bypass the thinking brain.
Anxiety and CongregationsThe fourteen most common triggers of
anxiety in congregations:Old versus newGrowth/survival Staff conflicts/resignation of staff memberInternal or external focusMajor trauma, tension, or transitionMoneyType of worship
Anxiety and CongregationsIssues involving sex/sexualityPastor’s leadership styleHarm done to a child/death of a childProperty building, space, territoryDistance between the ideal and the realLay leadership’s styleBoundary issues
Anxiety and CongregationsAnxiety is contagious. Peer pressure, group
think, and mob panic are examples.Anxiety acts like a virus and can become out of
control.Anxiety does not have a simple, single cause. Anxiety that runs wild is being maintained and
nurtured & fed by the larger system. Anxiety is usually focused on people in two
positions: the most responsible and the most vulnerable. People want to relieve tension & focus anxiety somewhere.
Anxiety and CongregationsTo control anxiety, emotional systems use
three primary mechanisms: distancing, fusing, and triangling.
Emotional distance gives an individual time to control his own reactions to others by avoidance or withdrawal.• But it is reactive.• It can heighten anxiety because distancing
increases the separateness between people.
Anxiety in CongregationsEmotional fusion results in the opposite.
People become “stuck together.” • Anxiety is bound by pleasing or manipulating
others.• We put blinders on re: bad behavior, afraid to
rock the boat• The relationship is stable but less reliable.• Trust and mutual respect diminish.
Anxiety and CongregationsThe most common way to control or bind
anxiety is emotional triangling.• We form healthy (and unhealthy) triangles all
of the time.• In a situation of anxiety, triangles detour
potential conflict.• But anxiety not addressed in one
relationship is played out in or pushed onto another relationship.
Anxiety and Congregations
THE ANXIOUS TRIANGLE
Anxious relationships tend to become triangular. Most anxious parties will bring in a third party to reduce the tension.
Source of real tension
Party A
Party B Rescuer
(willing to experience another’s anxiety)(assigned by role to carry the anxiety)
Anxiety and CongregationsChronic Anxiety has an Effect on
Individuals, the Congregation, and Leadership and ability to handle Conflict.• Reactivity. Knee-Jerk Behavior• Psychic Clumping, Cater to the Weakest • Over Focus, Blame, Criticism• Quick Fix, Immediate Relief• Secrecy, Cover-ups• Invasiveness, No Boundaries
Anxiety and CongregationsChronic (Habitual) Anxiety is an issue in
many churches across all denominations.Constant state of crisis over everything.Constant criticism of others inside and outsideUse of threats, manipulation and tantrums Splinter groups repeatedly formLeadership roles rapidly changeThose who introduce change of any kind are
rejectedCommunication is closed, secret and distortedPeople think in polarities – black/white, win/lose
Anxiety and CongregationsHealthy groups are not always peaceful &
tranquil. But not chronically anxious, either.Healthy churches respond to change and
problems with resiliency, flexibility. They allow for change and control reactions
to anxiety and stress with insight, reflectiveness and objectivity.
They analyze, evaluate calmly and develop effective responses to acute anxiety.
The leaders help the people reason through differences.
Healthy LeadershipLeadership is the spiritual process of
discerning what one believes (clarity), acting on that belief in the public arena (decisiveness), and standing behind that action despite the varied responses of people (courage).
Rev. Frank Thomas
Healthy LeadershipLeaders and followers are a system. Leadership
is co-created.The leader is the person who most influences an
emotional field or system. The differentiated, non-anxious leader works on
his/her own functioning. His/her influence does not rely on personality,
consensus, techniques or skills, piles of information, or expertise.
The system is influenced – positively or negatively - by the leader’s BEING (non-anxious presence) and DOING (differentiated, balanced functioning).
Healthy LeadershipThere are similarities between viral infections and
relationship conflict. Healthy leadership functions as the community’s
system of immunity. Leaders recognize if certain behaviors are
damaging to the welfare of the whole.The health or illness of a system depends on its
leadership’s capacity to function as an immune system.
Leaders recognize threats, respond thoughtfully and carefully, and remember how to respond.
Healthy Leadership“Leaders contribute to the health of a congregation. They are health-promoters. The true mark of a leader is spreading health throughout the community. The presence of mature, self-aware, and faithful leaders means health is possible in the community.” (Peter Steinke)
Healthy Congregations WorkshopsStarting Jan. 23, First UU Church of
Columbus and North UU Church (Lewis Center) will host a four –session series of free workshops focused on strengthening congregational health and resiliency in the face of societal and congregational anxiety.
Congregational lay leaders, clergy, and other interested folk are invited to participate. The series will be facilitated by the Rev. Joan Van Becelaere, Ohio-Meadville District Executive.
Healthy Congregations WorkshopsJan. 23 (Columbus) Creating Healthy
Congregations and Healthy Congregations Respond to Anxiety and Change. (congregational dynamics and systems theory, the nature of group anxiety and its effects on congregations)
Feb. 20 (Lewis Center) Leadership in Healthy Congregations (how healthy leaders can learn to be self-differentiated and successfully work with group anxiety)
Healthy Congregations WorkshopsMarch 20 (Columbus) Building Relationships
in Healthy Congregations (how anxiety affects congregational relationships, how we can help form healthy, supportive relationships in healthy communities)
April 17 (Lewis Center) Healthy Congregations Nurture Generous People (the larger view of stewardship, nurturing healthy generosity of time, talent and treasure)
Healthy Congregations WorkshopsEach Saturday, gather for coffee at 8:30 am.
The workshop starts at 9 am and ends by 12:30 pm.
Registration is free, but advance registration is needed so we know how many chairs to set up, handouts to make and how much coffee to brew.
Please register on the Ohio-Meadville website at: www.ohiomeadville.org
Thank you for being here today!
Healthy Leaders - VideoAfter viewing the video, please respond to
the following statements:The more leaders accept responsibility for
anxiety that is not theirs, the more they become stressed, function less effectively, and lose sight of their goals.
Congregations that function well have leaders who feel less threatened by the reactions and reactivity of others.
DiscussionLeaders need to be able to tolerate “pain”
both in themselves and others. They need to be able to make decisions that might bring change and, thus, pain to others.
Place yourself on the chart “Toleration of Pain in Self and in Others.
What impact does this have on your leadership at this time?
What groups or persons in your congregation are unable to tolerate pain and change?
DiscussionWhat signs do you see that a person may be
acting like a virus?Are there instances in your congregation
where someone or a small group has acted like a virus? How did the congregation respond?
How do congregations enable anxious reactivity to viruses?
What can you and other leaders do to provide a strong immune system?