healing after a breakup - tips for men and women

Healing After A Breakup

This Report Proudly Brought to You By Marlon Raye

RelationshipLoveAdvice.net

Healing After A Breakup ===============================================================

Healing After Your Breakup

The debilitating effects of a breakup where once explained to me by a business client that I had several years ago who happened to be a social worker. As a social worker she had been extensively educated in psychology and had seen first hand some of the most horrendous effects of stress that society can dish out. She had seen people so stressed and their minds so twisted that they had done unspeakable things to their children and themselves. Her work days in a large city in Virginia were filled with reports of self mutilation, suicide attempts and child abuse so evil that I refuse to speak of them.

As she told me horrid tale after horrid tale of how peoples minds can just snap she explained to me that for every major catastrophic event in a persons life there is a number assigned to it. These numbers are helpful to a professional in gauging how much stress a person is going through in their life given their circumstances.

Likewise, a number is assigned to the resources that a person has at their disposal to deal with the stressful circumstances. The support of friends and family, a positive and optimistic outlook towards the future and a desire and plan to diffuse a stressful situation negated or lessened the number that signified how much stress a person was under.

So, say for instance, you lost your job. A number assigned to that would signify a certain amount of stress. If you also had a family member die recently another number would be assigned to that and both numbers would be added together to signify how much stress was in your life.

For every terrible thing that you could think of that could happen to a person a number is assigned. (Having a sick child, job loss, illness, victim of crime, etc) The number assigned to a breakup or divorce is just under but very close to the number for if your spouse had died. This number was actually right around or sometimes higher than the number that is assigned to people who have lost a limb but only slightly lower than if your partner had actually died.

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So, you can see from this very real and professional perspective that the amount of stress that you are under right now is perhaps more than you might realize. It is not surprising if the stress from your breakup is manifesting itself in your life in many negative ways.

The Effects of Stress from Your Breakup

Perhaps you are having a difficult time sleeping or you want to sleep all the time. You might not feel hungry and might be losing weight. On the other hand, you might find yourself binging on food to comfort yourself during this time of stress. You might feel like talking about the breakup with everyone that you know, or you might not want to talk to anyone at all. You might just sort of go into your shell waiting for all of this to pass or waiting for your partner to come back to you. These are all signs of situational depression and, given the situation, it is very normal.

Other people become almost manic after a breakup and are bound and determined to get their partner back. A sort of denial sets in and they do all sorts of things that they might later regret. What they perceive at the time as logical is often a source of regret later once the shock of the breakup subsides and they get their bearings again.

Some people begin pursuing their partner wanting to talk to them or discuss the breakup. Phone call campaigns, text messaging, emailing and even just showing up on their exs doorstep dont seem like an unwise thing to do at the time. Unfortunately, these actions usually wind up doing more harm than good.

Such behavior usually only winds up making matters worse and in many cases borders on stalking, which is a crime that can get a person a restraining order and definitely kill any chance that they have of ever getting back together with their ex. This happens more often than you might think and a search of your local police blotter will show you how often love turns into harassment and stalking and ends with having a permanent police record or restraining order.


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With all this in mind, my advice to you will always be to abide by the no contact rule for a period of time until things cool off. How long do you have to abide by the no contact rule? That depends on many variables:

What were the circumstances of the breakup? How much contact did you have with your partner after the breakup

and how did you try to make contact with them? How often did you try to contact them? Was there any confrontation?

The No Contact Rule

There are three reasons to abide by the No Contact Rule. Each of them is important but each of them requires basically just one thing. That is to not contact your ex at all. No phone call, emails, text messages and definitely no showing up at their door or driving by their house even if its just to check on them. No cop is going to believe that you were just looking out for your exs best interest if you are found sitting out in front of your their house. Dont risk it. Stalking is a very serious crime and if you really do love your partner you will leave them alone. Stalking them will just flip them out and scare the crap out of them.

Reason 1 The first and simplest reason why the No Contact Rule is so important is that if you are in constant contact with your ex you are not giving them the time to even begin to miss you. Daily phone calls, emails and text messages will annoy them and only solidify the thought that they made the right decision in leaving you. Your ex will not have time to begin to forget about the argument that you had or what you did to annoy them so much that they decided to end the relationship.

Dont give them the satisfaction. They wanted to be alone? Let them be alone. Let the loneliness settle in. At first it might feel good for them but eventually they will begin to miss you. They will have times when they will remember good times that you had. Little reminders like favorite TV shows, songs on the radio or places that you used to go will do their work and little by little the bad stuff fades away while the good memories come to the surface.


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Reason 2 Each time you contact them you give them a little bit of your power. I know that sounds kind of new agey but its true. Each time you contact your ex it makes you look just a little bit more desperate and needy. This is a huge boost to their ego. Dont give them the satisfaction. You need to hold on to every bit of power that you have right now.

Each time you contact them it makes them feel as if Wow, I must really be something if they are going this crazy about me! To have someone pursue them in the face of rejection gives them a feeling that there must be something supremely attractive about them.

Inversely, it makes you appear needy and pathetic. Im sorry if that sounds harsh or cruel. It is not the truth. It is just the way it will appear to them and of course, their friends and family, which your ex will be telling how many times you call, email and text. Again, dont give them the satisfaction.

Reason 3 The third reason why The No Contact Rule is so crucial is because you need this time to get your head together and get a game plan in place. I am sorry again, very harsh but hang in there with me. It gets better, I promise. You are under an amazing amount of pressure and stress right now and you arent in the best frame of mind to be making relationship decisions. It is my intention to keep you from doing too much damage until you are in the proper frame of mind to actually be with your partner again. Get it?

This is your time. This is the time that you need to get yourself back. This is the time for you to get back to being the person that they fell in love with, only better. Why better? I say better because of the knowledge and experiences that you will have over the next month or so. You will be coming from a position of power and not of neediness.

After all, do you really want them to come back to you because they feel sorry for you? You might think that you do because you are in pain right now. But wouldnt you rather have them come back to you because they realized that they made a mistake and that they loved you?


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Wouldnt you rather have your partner come back to you with passion and desire or because you came to some sort of agreement over things that you needed to change in order to meet their demands? You want them to come running back to you with open arms, crying that they loved you and missed you so much while they beg for forgiveness and tell you that they couldnt bear to be apart from you any longer, right? I thought so

What to Do

Okduring this No Contact Phase there are several things that are suggested. When I say suggested I mean that you really should do these. Actually, this isnt optional. Youre not in your right mind and Im going to tell you what to do. Only kidding but all of this is meant to be helpful to you and meant to get you backyou that loving, caring, funny, exciting person that your partner fell in love with, remember?

Through all of this I want you to keep one thing in mind. I want you to treat yourself well. You have been through a lot and if you dont treat yourself well who is going to? Who is going to treat you better than yourself? Be kind and gentle with yourself starting right now from this moment on. If you want to treat yourself a little bit and buy yourself a present that is going to make you happy then do it.

If youre a guy I am going to let you in on a little secret. There is a reason why women go shopping when theyre not feeling good or if theyre upset. Its because it makes them feel good to buy themselves something! If youre a guy, take that hint and go buy yourself a present or some new clothes. Youll feel like a million bucks in a new pair of pants, a new shirt and some new shoes!

OkBack to Living Again

Since the breakup there is a very good chance that you havent been really living the way you deserve. You have been simply surviving day in and day out breathing in and breathing out.


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Starting today you are going to really start living again. If it helps to motivate you, the sooner you get yourself straightened out the sooner you will have your lover back in your life again. The more thorough you are in each of these areas the better chance you have of winning them back. You are going to have to make improvements in many areas of your life not just for the sake of getting your ex back though but even more so because you are worth it.

Nutrition If you havent been eating you are going to start now. You need to eat three meals a day. Not eating breakfast isnt an option in this plan and I dont care what you eat but you have to eat something. A bagel with butter or cream cheese, or some PopTarts are fine. As long as you get something in your belly other than a cup of coffee you can check ate breakfast off your list ever day, ok?

I do identify with you if you are having troubles eating. I was like this and I found that I felt better mentally, physically and emotionally if I ate something for a meal three times a day. Even if it wasnt a big meal first thing in the morning, something was better than nothing.

For lunch and dinner spend some time thinking about what you really want. What could you absolutely sick your teeth into? What would you eat if you could eat anything? If its a steak, pick up a steak at the storeif its a lobster, pick up one of those little suckers and bring him home or go out to a restaurant. It doesnt matter as long as you eat and as long as you eat healthy nutritious foods.

If you have been overeating all I want you to do is to make some better choices in what you choose to eat. There is no need to completely eliminate any foods that you enjoy. I would just suggest that you eat them in smaller portions though.

I do understand how comforting food can be and I do believe that God gave us taste buds and made food tasty for us to enjoy. Dont deny yourself the pleasure of good food just try to become reasonable in your portions. I know that it is easy to get carried away with a roll of chocolate chip cookie dough and a fork while sitting on the couch watching a good movie I do know!


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Exercise If you dont exercise regularly you need to start. Im not saying that you need to go sign up for a gym membership but if that turns you on then do it! Just some sort of exercise is important at this point.

There are two reasons for this. First, exercise will release chemicals in your body called endorphins that will cause you to be happy. That is what we all want, right? We all want to be happy!

Second, by getting up, moving around and doing a little exercise you will have more energy. This is a proven fact. Einsteins Law of Motion says that a body that is at rest will stay at rest while a body in motion will tend to stay in motion. We want your body in motion.

Third, it really doesnt take a whole lot of exercise to begin to make a change in your body for the better. If your ex doesnt see you for a month how big of a change do you think you can make? Wont that be a nice plus? Even if they dont say it they will be thinking Dayum.lookin good!

Mental/Spiritual I am not staying that you need to go become a member of a church but if thats what floats your boat then I say go for it. The goal should be to expand your mind, your consciousness and your belief system.

If you have an interest in meditation, prayer, and spiritualism in any form I encourage you to take this opportunity to delve more deeply into it. Even if its just picking up a book on mediation or prayer and spending some time getting outside the problem and focusing on you can be helpful.

A half hour to an hour a day of prayer or meditation is a good goal to have. Maybe pick up some meditation or relaxation tapes and spend some time relaxing at night or at bedtime. Perhaps you could burn a little incense and allow yourself to relax listening to some music that helps you to unwind. In a pinch, soaking in a warm bath or going for a massage can count towards your daily relaxation and mediation/spiritual time.


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The important part is that you work on building yourself up spiritually, no matter what that means to you. It has been shown that those who have a positive outlook and are grounded in some sort of faith typically bounce back better after the initial blow of a breakup. Whether its the power of prayer, Karma or that their Chakras are aligned, those who spend time in prayer and meditation fare much better than those that didnt.

Calm Mind Technique By T Dub Jackson - The Magic of Making Up

Read my review Go to the original website

Selfish Interest This may be the greatest opportunity that you will ever have to pursue an interest that you might have never had the chance of motivation to pursue before. All of us have something that we have always wanted to try or a place that we have always wanted to visit or a hobby that we never seemed to have the time for.

This is your perfect opportunity to do whatever it is that you always dreamed of. I have a friend that got his private pilots license while he was going through a divorce. He told me that it helped get him out of the house, kept his mind off of the divorce and it was something enjoyable that he always wanted to do. He had


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no desire to get back together with his wife and she had no desire to get back together with him but out of the whole mess at least he made good use of his time and accomplished a lifelong goal. It was therapeutic for him to do this fun thing that he had always dreamed of.

What is your goal or dream? Do you have something that you always wanted to do but you never seemed to have the time? Even better. Is there something that you always wanted to do but your ex never was supportive of? This is the perfect time to make that dream come true? Is there someplace that you always wanted to travel to but you never had the time? Its time to make the time and enjoy that experience.

You Are Wise to Seek Professional Advice

I am not talking about professional advice in the form of a therapist or a psychologist, although there is nothing wrong with either of these avenues. In my past I have sought out the counsel of not only therapists after breakups and divorces but I have spent time talking with a minister one time and a Franciscan Monk at another and one really weird therapist who had me do relaxation exercises where I was supposed to breathe through my nose and concentrate on the air when I became angry. All three were great guys!.. except for maybe the one therapist who gave me the creeps a bit.

Surprisingly, the minister told me to get myself another wife as soon as possible and the Monk felt that since I had come from a broken home that I had some deep seeded belief that I broke up marriages and that was the reason why my wives kept on leaving me.

The professional advice that I am talking about is in the form of someone specialized in repairing relationships. It is very rare, in my experience, that any sort of counselor or therapist does much good when it comes to this area. They tend to want to take a lot of time delving into your past to find the root cause of the breakup. Discussion and problem resolution tend to be their tools.

The kind of professional that I have found most helpful has been your down and dirty, street talking kind of professional that can tell you just what to say and do


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to bring about the desired results and quick. This is the kind of person, both male and female, that will tell you how to twist someones mind a bit to bring them back the reality that your partner is really missing out on a good catch and that they better wise up before someone else scoops you up.

Its almost the difference between going to a bank asking for a loan because the power is about to be shut off at your house, the car is going to be repossessed on Friday and you dont have any food to eat. A bank is going to turn you down flat after they look over the ten pages of financials that you have to fill out before you talk to them.

The kind of person that Im talking about is your Uncle Pauley who has the goods and can haul your butt out of a jam, no questions asked. Hes done it before and he knows more about money than Bank of America. Hes the guy that you can count on to get results from and fast.

This professional advice that youre looking for doesnt have to come from a guy though. There are plenty of women out there that know exactly what to do to warp a guys mind and bring about the desired result. These are women who know how to act like a lady in every way while they dish out serving after serving of humble pie upon guys who think that theyre players. They know how to cut guys so they dont even know theyve been gutted like a fish and bring them to their knees begging for forgiveness.

These are the types of people who can get results for you and quickly. They typically have street smart and life knowledge from helping hundreds of people in your exact situation. Nothing is new to them and there isnt anything that has been done that cant be undone. These are the people that I want to introduce you to.these are my friends and they know how to get results.

Good Luck

I wish you luck and I hope that you have learned something that you can take with you from this report. What I have shared with you is some powerful advice that,


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when taken seriously, can begin to make profound changes in your life in the wake of your breakup.

I will be checking on you from time to time and have some more helpful information to share with you soon. Be waiting for it, ok? In the meantime, if you have any questions or need my help or advice you can submit your question in my Relationship Q&A section.

Click here and submit your question

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Healing After Your Breakup

healing after a breakup - tips for men and women

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