► Respect

► Forgiveness

► Gratitude 11

► Responsibility

► Principles

► Aspiration

► Service

► Courage

► Humility

► Patience

► Contentment

► Delight

► Kindness

► Honesty

► Generosity

► Thoughtful Speech

16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Guideline 11 : Gratitude

Ready Set Happy III: How We Relate 11 Gratitude p 11-1

16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Character Guide: Graca Gratitude

The guides' positive chants help you to remember the most

important ideas. Say these over and over to remember

them.

If this chant feels a little too real for you to say it out loud, just remember that it wasn't always easy taking care of you when you were small.

If you prefer you could say, Thanks to those who washed my clothes.

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Graca thanksand appreciates her parents, and others

who help her.Gratitude means...

Feeling appreciation

and showing

thankfulness for

what others

(especially parents)

have done for us.

Thanks to those whowiped my nose.

16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

If I were a slug

Photo from Peter Moorman – The Netherlands

If I were a slug, I'd have no arms to hugmy mother or my father or my older brother, Doug.

I'd have to go to slug school. I'd take all day to 'walk'and when I finally got there, I couldn't hold the chalk.

I'm thankful I can run. I'm glad I can be kind.I'm not sure how I'd do it leaving slimy trails behind.

Each morning when I wake, I really ought to takea moment to be grateful that I'm me for goodness sake!

Photo taken in Liberia by Lindsay Stark

Ready Set Happy III: How We Relate 11 Gratitude p 11-3

16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Gratitude Activities

Try it now: Glowing/Growing with Gratitude

Whatever your circumstance there is no doubt that you have experienced other people’s kindness. When you were small there were those who looked after you before you could care for yourself, making sure you had food, clothing, and shelter. This type of kindness goes back for generation after generation of your family.

As you got older there were those who taught you to play games and sing songs, to read, and how to cross a road safely.

Right now in your life you have teachers, family and friends who help you every day, providing for you, teaching you how to do things, and playing with you.

Even strangers show you kindness by returning their books to the library so you too can borrow them, by obeying stop signs so you can travel safely, by training to fight fires and by serving in shops. How fortunate you are! Can you think of at least three people who have done something for you today? Pause to feel gratitude then try the Imagine activity.

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16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Imagine: Lights and Wings

Sit calmly for a few minutes and relax. When you are ready, close your eyes. Think of your favorite color. Imagine you are a transparent glass vase of that color. Imagine that each of the little things anyone has done for you becomes a tiny spot of light. Imagine you are nearly filled to the rim with all these beautiful bright lights which continue to come in as you watch. Imagine you are warm and glowing, overflowing with light from the kind efforts of others.

Now imagine a stack of small flat boxes at your side. As the light spills out of the top of your vase self, imagine catching the light in the boxes, slowly, letting each one fill then moving on to the next. After a while take this stack of boxes filled with light and hold them in front of you. Feel the warmth of the light in them.

As you watch, imagine each box in turn sprouts white dove's wings and flies off to a few special people you would like to thank for what they have done for you. Imagine who the boxes of light are flying to. Can you see their faces? When you are ready, open your eyes and write down the first few names that came to your mind.

It would mean a lot to the people who have been helpful to you to know that you thought of them in this way. You could write them a gratitude note and decorate it with wings or glitter or other images that came to mind.

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16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Try it now: Who touched my Lunch?

Do you grow your own food, using tools you made yourself, and raise your own animals? Just to be able to eat lunch you probably have help from someone else. In fact LOTS of other people and animals helped! Just to have a simple butter and honey sandwich with a glass of apple juice, for example, probably involves hundreds of people and thousands of animals.

The sandwich bread:

the wheat – people who bred the seeds, farmers who grew it, insects who made the soil it grew in, people who made the farm machines, those who stored the wheat, those who ground it into flour.

the bakery – people who baked it and provided the fuel to cook it, clean water to mix with the wheat, yeast to make it rise, the pans to cook it in, the wrapper to package it, and the ovens and slicing machines.

the store – people who arranged to stock it, drivers who brought it, people who built the road and made the fuel for the delivery van, stockers who put it on the shelf, the person who bought it and brought it home.

the idea -- the Fourth Earl of Sandwich who is credited with inventing the idea of using sliced bread for this purpose!

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16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Can you imagine how long the list might be if we considered not only the bread, but also the butter, the honey, and the juice? With all of this interdependence you might forget that many people are going hungry. As you play the following game keep in mind that many children and adults will not have a lunch to eat tomorrow.

*

Game: It takes a village to make a sandwich

Try listing all those who might be involved for providing the butter and honey sandwich and glass of juice. Or, for the items in a typical lunch you might have. A fun way to do it would be to sit in a circle with a group of friends and go around one at a time saying a person or animal that might have been involved in providing the last meal you ate. See how a suggestion from one can give the others more ideas about the people and animals that could go on this list of interdependence.

*top and bottom photos in this column by Lindsay Stark

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16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Try it now: The Blessings of Counting Blessings

Art Project: Gratitude and the Greater Good

Can you think of five things you are grateful for that happened this week? Use clippings from magazines to make a collage linking the things you are grateful for to the efforts of others. Alternatively you could make a drawing, or a poem about this connection.

Ask your parents or caregivers to check out the YouTube video about Gratitude from the Greater Good Science Center mentioned below. It only takes four minutes and it will help them help you to practice this skill called Gratitude to be happier more of the time.

Photo by Lindsay Stark

Do you want to feel 25% happier? One way is to write five sentences a week into a Gratitude journal. Dr. Robert Emmons describes a study that showed a significant connection between expressing gratitude and getting better sleep and having fewer health complaints. Those asked to write about five hassles or simply five events did not get these benefits. In a second study participants wrote about positive events every day for two weeks. They felt more joyful, energetic, attentive, strong and enthusiastic than those who wrote about hassles, and they helped others more. Improvements were measured by family and friends who did not know which group participants were in. You may write your first five sentences now if you like!

This work inspired a project at a middle school where students recorded five things they were grateful for during the previous day. The clear result was “higher levels of optimism, increased life satisfaction, and decreased negative feelings.” The students also appreciated their close relationships more and felt better about school.

So, to be happier, you need to stop focusing on the hassles and count your blessings --- its good science!

Ask your parents/caregivers to see the very short YouTube video and the printable fridge idea sheet about this subject and look at the other links related to the science of how to grow up happy at Half Full from the Greater Good Science Center.

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16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Try it for real: I'd like to Thank each and every one of you!

There are very few things we do completely by ourselves. You may be helping others in small ways every day. Perhaps you look after a younger brother or sister or help with jobs at home or take charge of your studies. Perhaps you help as a volunteer or work alongside others in your family business. What does it feel like when you are thanked compared with when your efforts are forgotten? Do you feel like helping out more, or less if your efforts are recognized?

There are measurable benefits to yourself of expressing gratitude and there are benefits for the person to whom you express it -- they will feel good. A third benefit is that they will want to help you in the future. So try practicing this for yourself and see what you notice about how you feel, and about how those you thank respond.

Practice: I am fortunate right now. Thanks!

Choose a day to focus on the efforts of others in your own life by saying “thank you” every time before you eat, every time before you walk into your house, every time you walk into school, every time you take out a toy or get a drink of water. Sometimes say it out loud, but at least say it to yourself. See if it helps you to feel good. Then try it for another day, this time saying as many “thank you”s as you can out loud to others for their efforts. How do you feel about your day now?

Every year in the spring we help with a Teacher Appreciation Dinner to show the local teachers how grateful we are for their efforts helping our children. The families make them dinner, the children perform songs for them, make them gifts, and we give them a handmade silk corsage (directions to make them can be found here). You could suggest doing this too, to express your gratitude.

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Photo by Caeman Toombs

16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Try it for real: Has it Bean a Good Day? MHB!

A photographer friend in Germany told me of a very practical way to focus on gratitude. It comes from a story relayed by Marlies Ruberg and translated by Doug Bauman.

The story is about a woman who puts a hand full of dried beans into her pocket in the morning. Each time she experiences a moment that delights her senses or her heart she moves a bean to the other pocket. In the evening, she pulls out the moved beans, even if there are only one or two, and is fully aware of each happy moment that made the day worthwhile to live.

Practice: Make a Memory, Move a Bean

Put a few dried beans (or pennies, pistachios, stones etc.) in one pocket. Each time you experience a joyful moment (like when you hear a bird sing, take a deep breath of cool fresh air, eat a good meal, see a beautiful sky, have a nice talk with a friend, enjoy the company of an animal, learn something new from a special teacher, see a grand old tree or a new baby's smile, enjoy a nice walk, swim or a perfect cup of tea) transfer a bean to the other pocket. At the end of the day, remember the moments of joy and feel gratitude. Say a quiet thank you for each fortunate experience.

May you run out of beans when you try this! At our house when something good happens unexpectedly we say, “Yay! Move a bean!” or “MHB” our code for “move a hypothetical bean.”

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Photo by Peter Moorman -- The Netherlands

Photo by Caeman Toombs

16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Try it for real: Many Thanks, Parental Units!

Many of you are being raised by one or both parents. Some of you are being raised by other family or caregivers. Let's call them all 'parents' for this activity.

Parenting can be difficult and dirty work. A ‘help-wanted ad’ for parents I saw said - ‘willing to be indispensable one moment and an embarrassment the next’.

Folksinger Pete Seeger, USA, told us that parents are the hardest working portion of the population, who do it for the high wages – kisses.

Have you thanked your parents lately?

It can be harder to thank someone for actions you feel are owed to you, or if you take them for granted. Remember, that every day family members die unexpectedly. If that happens to a parent of yours it would be difficult, but how wonderful if you have said your “thank you's” along the way instead of having regrets!

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On the run from a bear!

Helping behindthe scenes.

Focusing on a moving target...

16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Use your Words: Say it to Pay it

Make sure your parents get paid! This week, make an effort to thank your parents at least once each day (for cooking a meal, working hard, giving you a lift), by saying “thank you” or leaving them a note or giving them a hug or kiss.

When I tuck my youngest child into bed I tell him, “I love you very much.” He has started telling me, “I love you more, “ and then I say, “I don't know if that is possible.”

If your parents have died or are not close by for some reason the next best way to thank them is by practicing these skills to be happy. That's what they wanted the most, anyway.

Thanks, Dad, for driving me to all Thanks, Mom, for everything! those music lessons.

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16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

It is normal for close, long-term relationships to have bumps and bruises. Parents must choose what they think is right for you, even when it is something you will not like. You choose whether to dwell on only the bumps or the good things or to balance both. Ram Daas, USA, told adults, “If you think you're so enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents!” Can you imagine why that might be a challenge when you are grown?

Someday you may be taking care of your parents, making decisions for them, supporting them. I wonder if thinking about that transition will help you to be more understanding about the bumps you have with your parents now.

It was difficult for me when my father died, going through his possessions, every piece of paper, with him no longer in charge. How much harder it would have been if I had not shown him gratitude while he was still alive! I know I did all I could to thank him.

My husband remembers when his father was young and strong. Our teenage son who sometimes has a friendly wrestle with his dad asked, “Do you remember when you were first strong enough to beat Grandpa?” “Yes, but it wouldn't have been fun at that point.”

You are not in a competition with your parents, not a battle, not a contest. You are paddling your common boat to where you can take over the steering and hopefully they will smile when you do so. Let them teach you to read the water while their view is clearer, and thank them for their help. When your time to be Captain comes you will need all the skills they have taught you to successfully navigate your own life.

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16 Guidelines for Life www.16Guidelines.org

Instant Replay for Gratitude :

Ready Set Happy III: How We Relate 11 Gratitude p 11-14

What is a simple way to

acknowledge andfeel grateful for

the joyfulmoments ofthe day? What questions

do you have about Gratitude?

I wonder ifyou feel it would

be easy to 'parent'a person who actsthe way you do.

I wonder if you think the photo of a

child giving his mothera gift was a good

choice to represent'Gratitude'.

How do youfeel if someone

doesn't notice orappreciate

something youdo for them?

How might it change your attitude

to show more gratitude?Does it cost you

anything? Approximately

how many peopleand animals were

involved in providing your

lunch?

Who are yougrateful to?

Why?

How do youshow gratitude in

your family?