graffiti for the man's soul - real...

GRAFFITI for the man's

Soul

Presented by Ernie J. Zelinski,

International Best-Selling Author of The Joy of NOT Working

Title

GRAFFITI for the man’s Soul

Compiled by: Ernie J. Zelinski , author of Real Success Without a Real Success

Publisher: VIP BOOKS / An Imprint of Visions International Publishing Volume: #5 in The GRAFFITI fOr the Soul Series Brought to you by: The Real Success Resource Center

www.Real-Success.ca

Copyright © 2007 by Ernie J. Zelinski All Rights Reserved

http://www.real-success.ca/real_success_resource_center.html

The GRAFFITI fOr the Soul Series

From a collection amassed over many years, The GRAFFITI fOr the Soul Series is a wonderful assortment of some of the most unpredictable, freaky, ridiculous, outrageous, and inspirational graffiti that has appeared on building walls, subways, bridges, and public washrooms. The subject matters are as varied as the workplace, the sexual, the metaphysical, the literary, the political, the religious, and the educational.

The GRAFFITI fOr the Soul Series (there are seven e-books) by Ernie J. Zelinski is a fascinating look at other people’s thoughts, a great collection of amusing, unique humor, and passionate opinion.

The seven volumes from The GRAFFITI fOr the Soul Series

are available on the The Real Success Resource Center Website at: www.Real-Success.ca.


GRAFFITI for the man’s Soul

The E-Book That Records the Interesting Tid-Bits Men Write on Washroom Walls

This e-book may be freely distributed.

Shockingly enough, this is a FREE e-book to be given away — anyway you want. In fact, I would love it if you send out lots and lots of copies. It may not be sold nor modified in any way. You can have the movie rights, however, provided that you share half the profits with me and give me the staring role beside Nicole Kidman.

You may give GRAFFITI fOr the man's Soul to your

friends and co-workers as a gift. You may also give it away on your website, offer it to other websites, include it as a free bonus, or include it in a package deal.

Ernie Zelinski

1

Volume #5

GRAFFITI for the man's soul This volume from The GRAFFITI fOr the Soul

Series contains graffiti found in men’s washrooms across North America. Graffiti in men's washrooms tends to be raunchier than graffiti in women's washrooms. Men also tend to write more insults. In keeping with the spirit of the book I have excluded graffiti of a racist or extremely vulgar nature although it appears in the real world. Some readers may still find some of the graffiti in this section. I have chosen to include these items since they are no more vulgar than what can be found in most high school washrooms.

Presented by Ernie J. Zelinski

2

NOTHING BEATS SEX WITH MARY

Then why don't you have sex with NOTHING?

Here at the Rose and Crown, Everyone is playing a big game. sometimes when the bar closes I have Sherry, And other times I wind up with Jane.

Graffiti for the College Student’s Soul

3

I bet you I could stop gambling.

I never used to be able to finish anything, but now I . . . .

I play golf in the low 70s. If it's any colder, I come to this bar.


4

GRAFFITI For the Man's Soul

Is Brought to You by the Author of

Real Success Without a Real Job

The Career Book for People Too Smart to Work in Corporations

Purchase through these direct links: www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, fine bookstores and directly from:

Ten Speed Press P.O. Box 7123, Berkeley, CA 94707

800-841-2665 / www.tenspeed.com


5

Redneck I.Q. Test: If S.W.C.? = So Who Cares? Then B.F.D.! = _ ___ ____!

JUST DO IT . . . AND GET

THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Mac, if you have a chip on your shoulder, it probably

came off your head.


6

MASTURBATION RULES, OH . . . ME!

Masturbation is a waste of FUCKING time.

Constipation is like fishing. You got to have patience.

I used to kiss her lips but it's all over now.


7

Women who think the way to my heart is through my stomach are aiming too high

Love is the delusion that one woman

differs from another


8

What the hell are you looking at?

I am so horny the crack of dawn better watch it.

Buddy, you better watch it yourself. Dawn is my girlfriend.


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A Bold, Unconventional Career Book By Ernie J. Zelinski

• It's for “organizationally averse” individuals who don’t want to work at a real job — but want to make a real good living!

• It's for people who want to attain financial independence without having to suffer for it!

Purchase Real Success Without a Real Job at these direct links:

www.Amazon.com

www.BarnesandNoble.com


10

Does getting laid I n your grave mean sexual intercourse after death? A Happy Biker Has A Lot Of Bugs In His Teeth.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead cow


11

Press this button for a 40 second speech by President

George w. bush. (written on a hand-dryer machine.)

I'm so unlucky that I even get caught writing on toilet wa


12

WORST CHEWING GUM I

HAVE EVER TASTED

I agree, but, Oh! what bubbles!

(written on contraceptive vending machine)


13

DON'T LOOK UP HERE! THE JOKE IS IN YOUR HANDS !

(written above a urinal)

I have twelve inches but I don't use it as a rule.

I've been faithful to my girlfriend several times


14

My dad can beat up your dad.

Awesome! How much will that cost me?

Some bloke stole my

wife. To get even, I

let him keep her.


15

There was a young lad called McTrabiter Who had an organ of great diameter But it was not the size, That gave women the surprise Twas his rhythm - Iambic Pentameter

Saying you can have a great

relationship without sex is like saying

you can enjoy a Ferrari without

its engine.


16

Since 1976 I have fought for wage increases. My father before me fought for wage increases. Now I have a SUV, a plasma TV, and a house 3 times bigger than I need. Yet my whole life is still a drag.

Don’t worry about it. Soon you will end up dying of boredom & comfort and the game will be over for good. THIS ONLY PROVES THAT THE MORE YOU WORK AND CONSUME, THE LESS YOU LIVE.

This has all been covered in Real Success Without a Real Job along with a lot more interesting information that can help you live life to the fullest.


17

My Wife Is Seeing A Psychiatrist

So What? My Wife Is Seeing A Psychiatrist, A Bartender, A Pilot and A Milkman.

Monogamy = Monotony. Even a rat likes to go into a different hole now and then.


18

Kilro y is a ho mo

Please Abide by Bar Rules: Liquor in the Front. Poker in the Rear.

MONTANA; Where men are men and women are sheep


19

There's three things I look good in - expensive suits, Ferraris, and blondes.

Kentucky Freud Chicken Mother Fuckin' Good!

The only thing that my mother and father ever collaborated on was me.


20

The Bartenders aim to Please.

You aim too, please (written above a urinal)

Don’t let your meat loaf

That’s right - Get it when you can, where you can, before you can’t


21

E x e c u t e G r a f f i t i

V a n d a l s n o w

Blondes have more fun with me because I find them easier to find in the dark.


22

Confucius says man with hole in back pocket feels groovy all day. Confucius also says man who has hole in front pocket feels cocky all day. Maybe man with hole in front pocket also feels nuts all day.

I PLUGGED FARAH'S FAUCET


23

I Came, I Saw,

I Pissed.

B.F.D. I SAW, I CONQUERED, I CAME !


Don’t Click Here If You

Want to Work in a Cubicle for the Rest of

Your Life



24

Profanity is the crutch of the inarticulate motherfucker.

I think that I have fallen in love with my hand. No problem, Even vegetarians like to beat their meat.


25

Romeo Julie Ate

Every time you masturbate, god kills a kitten


26

Does the lateral coital position mean having a bit on the side? If I had the wings of a Swallow And the ass of a bloody great crow I'd fly over Iraq And shit on Saddam Hussein below.


27

REAL ITALIAN MEN DON'T EAT PASTA

WRONG: Real Italian Men Eat What The Fuck They Want To Eat !

Please, no four -letter words written on our walls. We don't go for that shit.


28

The Career Book for Real Men Too Smart to Work in Corporations

• It's a great starting place for turning your career life around 180 degrees.

• It’s about learning the ten most important traits of the ideal micro-business so that you can start your own.

Purchase Real Success Without a Real Job through these direct links:

www.Amazon.com

www.BarnesandNoble.com


29

The Easier It Is To Pick Up A Woman, The Harder It Is To Get Rid Of Her.

There are only three ways of handling a woman and each one is worse than the other.

The secret to having a good relationship with a woman is honesty. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.


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My dad says they don't work (written on condom vending machine)

Do It In Concrete And It Will Stay Up Longer.

Stay up even longer with priapism !

Age stiffens the joints and the mind but it forgets about the thing that really counts.


31

Ah .... the American Dream – Drive a German luxury car, own a Japanese computer, smoke a Cuban cigar, drink Italian wine, eat in Korean restaurants and vacation on the French Riviera with a Scandinavian girlfriend.

Be sure to read Random Acts of Anonymity by Me .


Click Here If You

Are Ugly

http://www.real-success.ca/As_Rich_As_Ernie_Zelinski.html


32

Never date a woman who can beat you up

Women get minks the same way minks

get minks.


33

I was ruined twice. When I got married and when I got divorced.

Divorce Costs So Much Because It's Worth It

I whizzed, Therefore I am


34

Sex at 80 is like having a MSX missile without a nuclear warhead. Actually, sex at 80 is more like shooting pool with a rope.

Beginners, please use two hands.


35

I was engulfed in total darkness for a long, long time. Far into the night I saw a warm soothing light. It came closer and closer and became brighter and brighter. I experienced warmth and relief, An almost spiritual experience. Then the fucking cop hit me on my head with his flashlight !


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It’s No Fun Being a Corporate Worker!

• It's a definite cure for the corporate blues!

• It's an excellent way to find inspiration to leave corporate life quickly and easily!

• It’s for anyone who wants to work at their dream job or operate a funky micro-business

Purchase Real Success Without a Real Job

through these direct links:

www.Amazon.com www.BarnesandNoble.com


37

Women like me

because of my size

It's not the size that counts, it's how BIG it is. Wrong, it's not how deep you can plow, it's how long you can keep going around the field that counts!


38

I gave up smoking drinking and sex. This had to be the worst 15 minutes of my life!

Reality Is Merely an Illusion


39

At the People's Pub, Many of us drink our liquor straigth, Some of us go home with Cathy, And the rest of us go home with Kate.

Pornography is in the

crotch of the beholder.


40

My thirst for fame and fortune was unquenchable until I started drinking beer.

If a sheep is a ram, And a donkey is an ass, How come a ram in the ass is a goose?

A little lie can save a whole lot of explaining to do.


41

You Are Now Holding Rush Limbaugh By His Neck.

(written above a urinal)

Don’t Drink If You Want To Know If You Are Having A Good Time


42

Irrefutable Signs That You Need This Book

• You can’t even pretend to enjoy company functions.

• You consider having to wear a name tag demeaning and disgusting.

• You could never experience the freedom in a corporate setting to function at a high level and be happy.

Purchase Real Success Without a Real Job at:

www.Amazon.com www.BarnesandNoble.com


43

Governor Arnold

Schwarzenegger Still

Takes Bubble Baths

My Wife Doesn’t ! Understand Me ?


44

I am looking for a serious and meaningful one night stand.

NOT ME. ONE NIGHT STANDS ARE MUCH TOO LONG FOR ME.

When the prick stands up, the

brain goes to sleep.


45

Keep incest in the family!

Keep it out. I don’t want anything to do with my relatives.

Me too. I avoid all relationships. A "relationship" is when you're screwing your cousin.

Incest is relatively boring.


46

If sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong. I like sadism, necrophilia, and bestiality.

Am I flogging a dead horse? My kid will beat up yours if yours is an honors student.


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DON'T CLICK HERE IF YOU DON’T LIKE FREE E-BOOKS

http://www.real-success.ca/free_ebooks.html


48

The Book on How to Live Like a King

• It's about gaining courage to escape the corporate world so that you don’t have to spend the rest of your life trapped in a cubicle.

• It's about creating your own dream job or operating your own micro-business.

• It’s about experiencing true personal freedom in all areas of your life.


www.BarnesandNoble.com www.Amazon.com


49

My girlfriend said I need to be more affectionate, So now I have me 2 girlfriends


50

Bill Clinton Is The Best FUCKING President

The U.S. Ever Had Bill Clinton is the best President the U.S. NEVER had.

Oral sex is a matter of taste

What a cunning linguist you are!


51

HELP ME ! I DON'T KNOW WHY I AM HERE!

Could it be that you came here to piss?

Masturbation is the best form of self expression. And sex is occasionally a good substitute for m asturbation.


52

Retirement; The Time in Your Life When Time Is No Longer Money.

Retirement is also the time to live happy, wild, and free. You can find out how by reading Ernie Zelinski’s great book. You can download over half of the book for free at www.Real-Success.ca



53

Constipashion is the thief of time. Right, but diarrhea waits for no man.

You tell them stove pipe. You've got the hole.

Don't trust your wife's judgment. Look at what she married.

God made me a homosexual. Do you think he could make one for me too?


54

You Ain't Having Fun Until They Have To Dial 911.

Amazing! I came in here to take a piss and

I wound up getting enlightened. - Kilroy


55

If you find Life a rat race, remember that there is no prize for Outrunning a rat.

Real Success Without a Real Job can get you out of the rat race. You can buy it now at www.amazon.com

Download a fine slice of this book for free at

www.Real-Success.ca with this direct link.


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More Graffiti for Your Soul

If you liked GRAFFITI fOr the man’s Soul, you will be glad to know that it’s just one FREE e-book from the seven volumes in The GRAFFITI fOr the Soul Series. These e-books have it all: Wisdom. Ridicule. Sarcasm. Nonsense. Comedy. Mockery. Social commentary. Valuable insight. They are the ultimate compendium of creative humor. The complete series includes:

Volume # 1: GRAFFITI fOr the Enlightened Soul


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Volume # 2: GRAFFITI fOr the Employee’s Soul

Volume # 3: GRAFFITI fOr the college student's Soul

Volume # 4: GRAFFITI fOr the woman's Soul

Volume # 5: GRAFFITI fOr the man's Soul

Volume # 6: GRAFFITI fOr the adventurous Soul

Volume # 7: GRAFFITI fOr the Connoisseur's Soul

Following is a sample of some of the content from the other six volumes in The GRAFFITI fOr the Soul Series e-books by Ernie Zelinski, which are available at The Real Success Resource Center Website at www.Real-Success.ca and on The Joy of Not Working Website at www.thejoyofnotworking.com.


www.thejoyofnotworking.com

58

You can always find what you are not looking for.

EARTH FIRST ! We'll strip mine the other planets later.

AGORAPHOBIA - DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT.

Graffiti for the Soul

59

BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS YOU HAVE ALREADY READ IT


60

GOD IS DEAD Our God is alive. Sorry to hear about yours.

If your friends won't

leave you alone, find

some new ones who will.


61

S e x I s n o b o d y e l s e ' s

b u s I n e s s e x c e p t f o r t h e t h r e e

p e o p l e I n v o l v e d .


62

I thought I wanted a career. It turns out, However, that I just wanted paychecks to buy beer. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me Too.


63

The Book That Inspires Creative People to Make Money in Unusual Ways – Even When They Sleep!

• It's about earning real money without

a real job.

• It's about working in a jerk-free environment.

• It’s about reducing work stress immediately when it strikes because you have the freedom to do so!

• It’s about creating intellectual property so that you make some real money while you sleep.

Purchase Real Success Without a Real Job at: www.BarnesandNoble.com www.Amazon.com


64

Consider Working For The Lord. The Pay Is Horrible But You Will Experience Fringe Benefits That Are Out Of This World.

Does anal retentive have a hyphen?


65

Never let your boss know that you exist

If you are wondering whether you have enough brains to solve the problem, you don’t.

The wise don't work


66

HARD WORK IS NATURE'S WAY OF HAVING A BOSS

TELL YOU: "JUST DO IT." “Real success without a real job” is having no boss!


67

Humpty Dumpty Was Pushed!

If a painter is not painting, is

he still a painter?


68

I don’t know how to write graffiti but I would like to say beautifull things and I don’t know how.

Me too, I have something to say but I don’t know what.

Before writing, learn to think ! ! !

I think, therefore I am – I think. I can think but I don’t have time to write !! Freedom is the right to wright Or to remain silent.


69

I killed a six pack just to watch it die

Don't Wake Up Grumpy If You Are In Bed With Snow White


70

Hey David, Smoking will stunt your growth!

Yeah Goliath? Give me one reason why I should believe you!


71

I searched into myself and found “ME”.

TOO BAD FOR YOU

The worst beer I ever had was stale and way too warm but it still tasted great!


72

I am not obsessive. I am not obsessive. I am not obsessive.

I am not obsessive. I am not obsessive.

”Sex” is number 1 of my 10 reasons for living. Reading “Real Success Without a Real Job” is number 2. I forgot the other 8.


73

The Career Book for People Too Smart to Work in Corporations

• It's about having sufficient time to spend

with friends.

• It's about sleeping as late as you want every day.

• It's about people in the corporate world envying your lifestyle.

• It’s about making a real creative difference in this world and getting paid well for it.

• And a Whole Lot More!


www.BarnesandNoble.com www.Amazon.com


74

About the Author – Ernie Zelinski

Ernie J. Zelinski has written far too many books to list here. He is the author of the recently released Real Success Without a Real Job, the bestseller How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free (over 57,000 copies sold) and the international bestseller The Joy of Not Working (over 200,000 copies and published in 17 languages). Ernie is a leading authority on the subject of attaining real success without a real job. His website The Real Success Resource Center at www.Real-Success.ca provides a wealth of informative articles and resources for the organizationally averse about earning a great living without a real job.

Feature articles about Ernie and his books have appeared in major newspapers including USA TODAY, National Post, Oakland Tribune, Boston Herald, Toronto Star, and Vancouver Sun. He has been



75

interviewed by over 100 radio stations and has appeared on CNN TV’s Financial News, CBC TV’s Venture, and CTV’s Canada AM. Ernie has a B.Sc. in Engineering and a Masters in Business Administration from the University of Alberta. He speaks professionally on the subjects of book marketing, retirement, and applying creativity to business and leisure.

Ernie Zelinski can be contacted at: Visions International Publishing P.O. Box 4072 Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, T6E 4S8 E-mail: [email protected] Website: www.Real-Success.ca



76

Click Here If You Are Just As Crazy As Ernie Zelinski

http://www.real-success.ca/As_Crazy_As_Ernie_Zelinski.html

SHARE THIS e-BOOK, ok!

Here’s what you can do with

GRAFFITI fOr the MAN’s Soul

o Send this e-book to your friends as an attachment in an e-mail.

o Have your friends visit the Creative E-Books Website at www.Real-Success.ca where they can download this e-book along with five others in The GRAFFITI fOr the Soul Series.)

o Place this e-book on your company’s Website. o If you don’t like this e-book, send it to people you don’t

like.


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