Golden Principles Golden Principles of Raising Childrenof Raising Children

By Imam Abu Hamid By Imam Abu Hamid Muhammad Muhammad

Al-Ghazali Al-Ghazali From his 3 volume collection of From his 3 volume collection of short books: “Majmu’ah Rasail short books: “Majmu’ah Rasail

Imam Ghazali”Imam Ghazali”

Childrens Initial Childrens Initial EducationEducation

• Allah says: “O ye who believe! save Allah says: “O ye who believe! save yourselves and your families from a yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.” (66:6) what they are commanded.” (66:6) Surah TahrimSurah Tahrim

Childrens Initial Childrens Initial EducationEducation

• ““The child is Allah’s trust in the parent’s The child is Allah’s trust in the parent’s hands”hands”

• ““A Childs heart is like a nice, clean, simple A Childs heart is like a nice, clean, simple mirror, it is void of defects and can be mirror, it is void of defects and can be inclined towards anything you like.”inclined towards anything you like.”

• Teach the child manners and good moraleTeach the child manners and good morale• Protect him/her from bad friendsProtect him/her from bad friends• Do not let them desire physical Do not let them desire physical

beautification, fine dresses, ornamentation, beautification, fine dresses, ornamentation, physical ease, The child will grow up physical ease, The child will grow up desiring those lowly thingsdesiring those lowly things

Necessity and Importance Necessity and Importance of Halal foodof Halal food

• Nursing – The women should eat of Nursing – The women should eat of halal. If not, then that evil will be halal. If not, then that evil will be permeated through every fiber permeated through every fiber (consciousness/psychology/inner (consciousness/psychology/inner being) of the baby’s body, and the being) of the baby’s body, and the child will be inclined towards evil.child will be inclined towards evil.

Initial stages of Initial stages of discernmentdiscernment

• Nurturing the child should begin Nurturing the child should begin when the ability for the child to when the ability for the child to distinguish between good and bad is distinguish between good and bad is prevalentprevalent

• Indicated by signs of shyness – Indicated by signs of shyness – realize his/her honor, starts to leave realize his/her honor, starts to leave doing certain acts out of shyness. doing certain acts out of shyness.

• This is the result of light of This is the result of light of intelligence emerging from him/herintelligence emerging from him/her

• This is a gift from AllahThis is a gift from Allah

Etiquettes of Eating Etiquettes of Eating

• First bad desire – Greed to eat more, First bad desire – Greed to eat more, extremely necessary to teach extremely necessary to teach etiquettes of eatingetiquettes of eating

• Eat with right hand, Bismillah, Eat Eat with right hand, Bismillah, Eat from front of the platefrom front of the plate

• Wait for others to begin, don’t stare Wait for others to begin, don’t stare at the food, don’t stare at those who at the food, don’t stare at those who are eating, chew properly, not to are eating, chew properly, not to constantly put morsels in mouthconstantly put morsels in mouth

Etiquettes of EatingEtiquettes of Eating

• Sometimes – feed child only bread, so Sometimes – feed child only bread, so he/she doesn’t feel that curry is he/she doesn’t feel that curry is necessary with the breadnecessary with the bread

• Excessive eating is like animalsExcessive eating is like animals• Teach child to sacrifice their food for Teach child to sacrifice their food for

the sake of others, for their friends the sake of others, for their friends who are in needwho are in need

• Basically teach them to be content Basically teach them to be content with simple food.with simple food.

Etiquettes of DressingEtiquettes of Dressing

• Love and desire for simple clothes Love and desire for simple clothes should be developed in the childshould be developed in the child

• Try to keep child away from his Try to keep child away from his friends who dress extravagantly, and friends who dress extravagantly, and tell stories of indulgence in material tell stories of indulgence in material things.things.

• Continue hereContinue here

Epidemic of PoetryEpidemic of Poetry

• Protect the child from romantic Protect the child from romantic poetry and writings – such things poetry and writings – such things sow the seeds of corruption and evil sow the seeds of corruption and evil in the minds of childrenin the minds of children

• Relate this to television? Since Relate this to television? Since poetry was a form of entertainment poetry was a form of entertainment back then.back then.

Method of Persuading Method of Persuading towards Good and Stopping towards Good and Stopping

from Evilfrom Evil• When good – should be praised by the When good – should be praised by the

father, or given a gift, or praised in front father, or given a gift, or praised in front of othersof others

• If does something opposite after this If does something opposite after this praise, parent should show unawareness praise, parent should show unawareness and should not dishonor or humiliate the and should not dishonor or humiliate the childchild

• Revealing these mistakes will lead the Revealing these mistakes will lead the child to become more daring gradually to child to become more daring gradually to commit more of them, and not even care.commit more of them, and not even care.

Method of Persuading Method of Persuading towards Good and Stopping towards Good and Stopping

from Evilfrom Evil• If the same bad action is done again If the same bad action is done again

– its ok to rebuke him/her in private.– its ok to rebuke him/her in private.• Should be told something like : Should be told something like :

“Beware! Don’t ever do this bad “Beware! Don’t ever do this bad thing again, God forbid if someone thing again, God forbid if someone found out about it, you’ll get found out about it, you’ll get humiliatedhumiliated

Harms of Excessive Harms of Excessive ScoldingScolding

• If rebuked excessively, it creates a If rebuked excessively, it creates a habit in the child to listening to habit in the child to listening to scolding, and increases his/her scolding, and increases his/her courage to do those wrongscourage to do those wrongs

• Should have awe from fatherShould have awe from father

Etiquettes of SleepingEtiquettes of Sleeping

• Child should not sleep during the Child should not sleep during the day- lazinessday- laziness

• Stop from sleeping in soft bed, or Stop from sleeping in soft bed, or else will get use to the comfortselse will get use to the comforts

• Wudu before sleeping, dua.Wudu before sleeping, dua.• Child should keep active physically Child should keep active physically

so not to fall lazyso not to fall lazy

Prohibition of Arrogance Prohibition of Arrogance and Prideand Pride

• Should be prohibited from showing Should be prohibited from showing pride on anything, food, clothing, pride on anything, food, clothing, parents, school supplies. parents, school supplies.

• The habit of dealing with his/her The habit of dealing with his/her companions with respect, honor, and companions with respect, honor, and humbleness should be inculcated.humbleness should be inculcated.

• Should be made to fear the love of Should be made to fear the love of wealth – its worse than poisonwealth – its worse than poison

Etiquettes of GatheringsEtiquettes of Gatherings

• Taught the proper manner of sittingTaught the proper manner of sitting• Should not talk to muchShould not talk to much• Do not start the conversation first, Do not start the conversation first,

only talk to answer a questiononly talk to answer a question• When someone is speaking, they When someone is speaking, they

should listen attentivelyshould listen attentively• ““And the real secret of proper training And the real secret of proper training

of children is embedded in protecting of children is embedded in protecting the children from bad companions”the children from bad companions”

Patience and Patience and ForbearanceForbearance

• When his/her teacher punishes When his/her teacher punishes him/her, should exercise him/her, should exercise forbearance and not scream backforbearance and not scream back

• ““To Exercise patience is the way of To Exercise patience is the way of the brave ones and to scream, shout, the brave ones and to scream, shout, and cry are the works of those who and cry are the works of those who lack dignity”lack dignity”

Importance of Physical Importance of Physical ExercisesExercises

• After studies, child should be After studies, child should be permitted to play sportspermitted to play sports– Gets rid of tiredness from schoolGets rid of tiredness from school– Should not be allowed to play too much Should not be allowed to play too much

that he/she gets tired from it.that he/she gets tired from it.

Importance of Physical Importance of Physical ExercisesExercises

• Pressure of just studying -> dead Pressure of just studying -> dead heart -> make intelligence useless -heart -> make intelligence useless -> makes life miserable> makes life miserable

• So the child looks for excuses to get So the child looks for excuses to get rid of studiesrid of studies

Etiquettes of Respecting Etiquettes of Respecting the Eldersthe Elders

Impermanence of the worldImpermanence of the world• Impress upon the child that the world is not Impress upon the child that the world is not

the purpose of our lives. Death is inevitable, the purpose of our lives. Death is inevitable, and will end this material life.and will end this material life.

• Volume 2, Book 23, Number 467: Volume 2, Book 23, Number 467: Narrated Narrated Abu Huraira: Abu Huraira:

• The Prophet said, "Every child is born with a The Prophet said, "Every child is born with a true faith of Islam (i.e. to worship none but true faith of Islam (i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone) and his parents convert him to Allah Alone) and his parents convert him to Judaism or Christianity or Magianism, as an Judaism or Christianity or Magianism, as an animal delivers a perfect baby animal. Do you animal delivers a perfect baby animal. Do you find it mutilated?" find it mutilated?"