going from confrontation to collaboration bob kiser, cec
TRANSCRIPT
Going from Confrontation to Collaboration
Bob Kiser, CECwww.bobkisercoaching.com
Scenario #1
A researcher is using a shop vac. from Ace Hardware as ventilation. He is told by the industrial hygienist he needs to have Facilities Management install real ventilation as the shop vac is inadequate. The researcher feels this is a waste of money and refuses.
Scenario #2
A lab is putting acid waste in their solvent containers. This can cause a violent reaction and hurt the hazardous waste workers when this waste is "bulked" with other solvent waste. This serious safety hazard is pointed out to the Principal Investigator. He doesn't care.
And then when you have to address it…
Goal: To explore different strategies that can turn difficult conversations into effective interactions.
Objectives: •Examine different responses to conflict•Learn how to de-escalate intense conversations•Strategize how to create win/win interactions
How do you respond to conflict?• heightened stress• bodily tension• increased perspiration• tunnel vision• shallow or accelerated breathing• nausea• rapid heartbeat.• anger and fear • despair and confusion
Fight or Flight
Create a safe environment
for effective communicationto take place.
Calm down
• Breathe• Walk away• Call a friend/colleague • Look at why you are getting so upset.
– Ego threatened? – Feel out of control?
What should be our goal when we find ourselves in conflict?
Creating Safety in DialogueSupportive climates include: • Situations in which the listener perceives requests for
information as well-intended • problem-oriented atmospheres which stress the importance of
finding mutual solutions to conflict, • Communication that is:
– Honest (devoid of deception)– Empathetic– Respectful for other's opinion, even if the two parties are not
in agreement with one another; – Equality based
*Creating Safe Spaces for Communication by Julia Chaitin
How does conflict affect our ability to create safety in dialogue?
• Stop listening• Fight for our agenda/become defensive• And see others as the “enemy”
De-escalation Tip #1
Listen! Listen! Listen!
Listening Defuses Conflict
When done effectively, listening to try to understand another person . . .
-- stops arguments and defuses strong emotions,
-- helps the other person feel heard,
-- helps the other person listen to you,
-- helps you persuade the other person,
-- improves relationships.
How well do you listen?
Blocks to listening
• Judging the other person• Assuming we know what they are going
to say• Listening with our
agenda exclusively
Techniques for listening
• Re-capping occasionally • Reading nonverbal messages• Setting aside your own emotional reaction• Listening for feelings
De-escalation Tip #2
Acknowledge And
Validate
Acknowledging- Showing someone he or she has been heard
Validating- Recognizing someone’s feelings.
Yes and…
De-escalation Tip #3
De-escalation Tips Review
Listen! Listen! Listen!
Acknowledge And
Validate
Yes and…
Our different stories and agendas seem to create conflict.
What if we could get on the same page?
Collaboration-• Look at the facts, just the facts
– Try to remove ego and emotion out of the equation– Let go of the story you have told yourself
• Search for similarities, common goals-– “We both want the best outcome for your research and to keep your staff
safe.”• Try to create win/win solutions
– I hear you need “X” to happen for your research. I need to enforce “Y” to provide your team with the safest work space possible. I wonder how we can get “X” to happen while following “Y?”
– Commit to finding a win/win solution with the thought it might not appear right away. Even if an exact win/win is not found, the other person’s walls might be lowered by the fact you find their needs important, allowing a compromise to happen.
• Think outside the box
The lab inspector conducts a thorough inspection and sends a report of the
deficiencies to the Principal investigator. He ignores the inspection report and the
subsequent follow-up reports.
Scenario
Initial reactions?What are the facts and what might be interpretations?What would your game plan be for your next
interaction with this person?
Tricks of the trade-
State Your Intention:“I want to have “x” happen.
I don’t want “Y” to happen.”
Tricks of the trade-
Curiosity- *Advocacy inquiry
--I noticed you were…
--My concern is…
--I’m curious what your thoughts are on this.
*Debriefing with Good Judgment- Rudolph JW, Simon R, Dufresne RL, Raemer DB.
Going from Confrontation
to Collaboration
Questions
How do we act in conflict?
• Competition• Accommodation• Avoidance• Compromise• Collaboration
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict ModelRalph Kilmann and Kenneth Thomas
