gloucester-fc-booklethumour.pdf?layout=http%3a%2f%2fskin.is

Gloucester Uni FC

N e w q U a y

on Tour June 2011

Itinerary Rendezvous @ Main Reception of Hardwick Building for Friday 13th March -11am. (let’s get the superstitions going) Leaving promptly @11.30am. Do not be Fu*king Late!! Avoid Kangaroo court if you can!

Depart hollyhead - 3pm. Arrival time 6pm!

We mugs are staying at the Shitehole.Room allocation will be given on seperate paper.

Sefton HotelHarris PromenadeDouglasIsle of ManIM1 2RW

welcome Note from wilderLadies, you’re here because you think you’re holiday in Newquay Let me tell you now, this

ain’t no FUCKIN’ holiday. As far as I’m concerned, you’re pieces of fucking shit scum.

You fuckin’ maggots are here to train to be the best. You’re going to be the best because I’m going to make you the motherfucking best.

I will be hard on you, you will hate me. The more you hate me, the more you will learn. But until you learn, you’re nothing but faggody-ass pussies, cryin’ for your mama at night,

and dry humpin’ your pillows.

You will go home as big, motherfockin’ machines of war, eating rocks and shittin’ diamonds.

You will go home as MARINES.

Gloucester FC RulesGloucester Booklet CaveatOnce assigned to you, all responsibilty for the location and condition of this book is transferred to you for the duration of the tour.

You pukes should sleep with your book. You should give your book a girl’s name because this is the only pussy you are going to touch. You’re married to this book and you will be faithful.

If ‘misplaced’, it’s location cannot be ascertained, or you are unable to produce it at any given moment - you will lose tourist status and revert to Civilian Status.

You will also go before the Court Martial Committee who decide your punishment - you’ll be in a whole world of shit.

Tourist Status can only be re-instated by an act of self-less bravery on the battlefield, or the Judge deems you have been punished enough at the next Kangeroo Court

#1 - The first rule of Southwell Rugby Club is, you do not talk about Southwell Rugby Club.

#2 - The second rule of Southwell Rugby Club is, you DO NOT talk about Southwell Rugby Club.

#3 - If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, you’ve reached your limit and you are pretty much legless! In other words, you’re useless pussy!

#4 - Everyone drinks, no quits

#5 - One pint at a time unless you’re in a sand hazard.

#6 - No women and no women.

#7 - Drinking will go on as long as they have to.

#8 - If this is your first tour with Southwell Rugby Club, you have to prove yourself!

Tourists of Cornwall Tourists of CornwallDeadly Calibre, Will twinkle toe you if you get close. Will toe poke hundreds of goals but dog shit in the air!!

Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here

Chopper Harris of Gloucester. If you pass him, you can be sure he’ll try to break your legs later


He’ll take you from behind if you get too close. Loves getting stuck in when possible!


Bedded 7 women in one week. The sheer number of goals make up for his appalling pace! A pretty boy!!


Deadly Calibre, Will twinkle toe you if you get close. Will toe poke hundreds of goals but dog shit in the air!!




Can’t play for shit but he’ll manage you big time off the pitch. Ask him for tips on how to drink!






Van wilder Van wilder

Biffa Biffa

Ben Dover Ben Dover

7 up 7 up

Trigger Trigger

Tits McGee Tits McGee

Big Dave Big Dave

Porkchop Porkchop

SparkY SparkY

Challenging the General Challenging the General

1) The General must be the first on the battlefield, last off.

2) The general must drink hard and fast with all his might and all the strength that God can give him.

3) The General can (once per day, at any time) buy an improptu round of choice using the kitty

4) The General may exempt himself from drinking one round per night

5) The General does not get the drinks in

6) The General can bring in one new rule at the beginning of any drink session, effective immediately, and that will last as long as his tenure.

The passing out of a General while on the front line is tantamount to dereliction of dutyand is subject to punishment as laid out by the Court-Martial committee.

Privates can challenge the General for his position at any time during manoeuvres and if successful, can succeed him immediately.

A coup D’etat is viewed as treason and thus failure to oust the General will be subject to severe reprimand as laid out by the Court-Martial Committee

In the event of the General being Challenged, the accuser has to:

1) Name the terms and conditions

2) Be Supported/backed up by 2 poeple

In the event of a ‘false’ challenge, the punishment will be deemed by the group accordingly. The platoon is only limited to one challenge a day

Drinks are restricted to beer, straight shots or two- part cocktails.

Drinking commences at 3pm on Match days ( 12pm for 3pm games, and 6pm on non-match days) Punishments are decided by the weights and measures Committee.

1) Yellow peril - if you get a yellow golf ball in any vessel you are holding, you must down the contents (3 mins max)

2) Drink with the clock - depending which half of the clock the minute hand is in, you must drink with the corresponding hand. 01 to 30 mins - right, 31 to 00 mins - left. (General to pick which half of the hour)

3) Thumbmaster - last person to see the thumb on the table must down the drink

4) Pub Gofl (rules overleaf)

5) Low Card - the person with the lowest card must down their drink

6) Privates on Parade - Assemble in front of the General and show your must-haves

Privates on Parade

At any time during excercises, the general can call for ‘Privates on Parades’ to inspect his troops. Each member is ecpected to assemble in front of the General and produce their Red Book and their must-haves.

Failure and/or last person to do so will incur a punishment as decided by the weight and Measures committee, with input from the General.

Pub Golf

This is an excercise to be undertaken by you all. We will play a nine hole golf course. Each ‘hole’ will be a beverage as agreed beforehand. A couple of holes will have a designated hazard - either a water hazard or sand hazard.

Water hazard - you cannot go to the toilet for the duration we’re in the pub playing that hole. Sand Hazard - you must drink a shot of your choice in addition to the drink you already have at that hole.

The number of times it takes for you to finish your drink is your score for the hole. Scorecard provided.

Drinking Games Dinking Game Rules

Tourists of Newquay are expected to bring along your ‘Must-haves’ that will identify their participation on the Tour. You were told beforehand to bring these items. There’s no excuse.

These items are as follows:

Failure to produce any of the above items when the General calls for ‘privates on Parade’ will incur a penalty where you must drink 25% of your drink for each item not shown.

1) Judges’s decision is final

2) Video/photographic evidenceis admissible

3) Prior misdemeanours will be taken into account

4) Guilty Pleas will carry a reduced sentence in comparison than a Not guilty plea if you are found guilty

5) Sentence are efective immediately, or when Judge decides

6) Sentences are at the Judge’s Discretion

JudgeWeights & measures Committee

Court -martial Committee

These will be “drawn out a hat” daily

Gloucester Uni FC

N e w q U a y

on Tour June 2011

Booklet

PadlockClothes Peg

2010 pound coin

Must Haves Kangaroo Court

Must Learn Songs Must Learn Songs

Ben Dover Ben DoverTits McGee Tits McGeeSparkY SparkY

PooR SCouSeR HARRy

This is a story of a poor boy, (poor boy, poor boy)

Who was sent far away from his home (from his home)

To fight for his king and his country

And also the old folks back home

Now they put him in the cross channel ferry(ferry, ferry)

And Sent him off to a far foreign land (far foreign land)

Where the flies swarm around in their thousands

And there’s nothing to see but the sand

Well the battle started next morning (morning, morning)

Under the hot desert sun (hot desert sun)

I remember the poor Scouser harry

He was shot by an old tommy gun

As he lay on the battle field dying (dying dying)

With blood gushing out of his head (out of his head)

I remember the poor scouser Harry

And These were the last words he said...

Ohhhhhh... What did he say

“st Pauls college, football team, football team. We’re all over, We’re never sober. ST PAULS FOOTBALL TEAM, FOOTBALL TEAM”

BLueS

Laaaa la la bluuuuues. La la la la la la bluuuees, la la la la la la bluuues. LAAAAAA la la BLUUUUUES

So HoIST uP THe JoHn B SAIL

We come on the sloop john B.

My grandfather and me

Around nassau town we did roam

Drinking all night

Got into a fight

Well I feel so broke up

I want to go home

So hoist up the john bs sail

See how the mainsail sets

Call for the captain ashore

Let me go home, let me go

home

I wanna go home, yeah yeah

Well I feel so broke up

I wanna go home

The first mate he got drunk

And broke in the capns trunk

The constable had to come and take him away

Sheriff john stone

Why don’t you leave me alone, yeah yeah

Well I feel so broke up I wanna go home

So hoist up the john bs sail

See how the mainsail sets

Call for the captain ashore

Let me go home, let me go home

I wanna go home, let me go home

Why don’t you let me go home

(hoist up the john bs sail)

Hoist up the john b

I feel so broke up I wanna go home

Let me go home

We understand you will want to have as much enjoyment as possible but...

P l e a s e D r i n k R e s p o n s i b l y

thehang va.com thehangova 2011

gloucester-fc-booklethumour.pdf?layout=http%3a%2f%2fskin.is

Documents

comments herebedded

comments herehell

legs lateryour comments

youre holiday

rule of southwell rugby

youre useless pussy

tourist status

yon tour