Relational Aggression

Discussion from watching the video clip• “I see the way you look at her.” • “If you don’t get Sarah to come, I’ll tell

everyone that you have real feelings for her. Even when it’s not true, everyone will believe it and you know it.”

What is relational aggression?

• Any behavior that is intended to harm someone by damaging or manipulating relationships with others.

• Emotional Violence

• Any behavior that is intended to harm someone by damaging or manipulating relationships with others.

• Emotional Violence

What is relational aggression?

• Relational aggression tends to be most intense and apparent among girls in 5th through 8th grade.

• This type of behavior often continues, although perhaps to a somewhat lesser degree, in high school.

• Relational aggression tends to be most intense and apparent among girls in 5th through 8th grade.

• This type of behavior often continues, although perhaps to a somewhat lesser degree, in high school.

Methods

• Exclusion排除• Rumor spreading 散播謠言• Secret-divulging 洩漏秘密• Alliance-building 結成聯盟• Backstabbing 背後刺傷

• Exclusion排除• Rumor spreading 散播謠言• Secret-divulging 洩漏秘密• Alliance-building 結成聯盟• Backstabbing 背後刺傷

Methods of relational aggression

• Ignoring 忽視• Intimidation 威脅• Verbally insulting 語言的侮辱和攻擊• Using hostile body language (i.e., eye-rolling

and smirking) 懷有敵意的身體語言• Cyberbullying (see video clip)

• Ignoring 忽視• Intimidation 威脅• Verbally insulting 語言的侮辱和攻擊• Using hostile body language (i.e., eye-rolling

and smirking) 懷有敵意的身體語言• Cyberbullying (see video clip)

Motivation

• Desire for excitement• Inclusion in the right group• Self-protection• Jealousy over appearance and close

friendships• Competition for boys• Revenge• Friendship

• Desire for excitement• Inclusion in the right group• Self-protection• Jealousy over appearance and close

friendships• Competition for boys• Revenge• Friendship

Who are the mean girls?

• Girls who appear the most innocent may indeed be the most hostile in their actions.

• These bullies are often popular, charismatic girls who are already receiving positive attention from adults.

• Girls who appear the most innocent may indeed be the most hostile in their actions.

• These bullies are often popular, charismatic girls who are already receiving positive attention from adults.

How severe is the problem?

• The National Education Association reports that as many as 160,000 kids miss school EVERY DAY out of fear of being victimized by such behaviors.

• The National Education Association reports that as many as 160,000 kids miss school EVERY DAY out of fear of being victimized by such behaviors.

What are the feelings?

• "Why are they doing this to me?" (Confusion about what happened)

• "She's acted tough, like she didn't care? (Covering up feelings)

• “It hurts a hell of a lot" (Pain)

• "Why are they doing this to me?" (Confusion about what happened)

• "She's acted tough, like she didn't care? (Covering up feelings)

• “It hurts a hell of a lot" (Pain)

What are the consequences?

• "I want to move to another school" (Desire to escape)

• "Will this go on forever"? (Fear and paranoia)• "Everybody hates me and I'll never get better"

(Despair)

• "I want to move to another school" (Desire to escape)

• "Will this go on forever"? (Fear and paranoia)• "Everybody hates me and I'll never get better"

(Despair)

4 ways to respond

1. Ignore2. Be Mean Back3. Tell an Adult4. Talk Face-to-Face

1. Ignore2. Be Mean Back3. Tell an Adult4. Talk Face-to-Face

How can parents help?

1. Don't minimize your child's pain. “No-one will remember this by next week.” “You'll make other friends.” “S/he wasn't a good friend to you anyway”“Why do you let this nonsense bother you?” “It isn't the end of the world”

1. Don't minimize your child's pain. “No-one will remember this by next week.” “You'll make other friends.” “S/he wasn't a good friend to you anyway”“Why do you let this nonsense bother you?” “It isn't the end of the world”

How can parents help?

1. Don't minimize your child's pain.Empathize with your child and keep the conversation going. (Remember when school was Your Whole World?) Trivializing these aspects of their lives encourages them to shut down.

1. Don't minimize your child's pain.Empathize with your child and keep the conversation going. (Remember when school was Your Whole World?) Trivializing these aspects of their lives encourages them to shut down.

How can parents help?

2. Monitor situations Your daughter/son needs to learn to handle things. – Strategize with them (can you help your child make a

joke of the teasing?)– Empathize with them (commiserate and share your

own stories, while spending a day doing something with them)

– Only intervene as a last resort. S/he doesn't need the added abuse of having mommy have to fight her/his battles until things are clearly out of control.

2. Monitor situations Your daughter/son needs to learn to handle things. – Strategize with them (can you help your child make a

joke of the teasing?)– Empathize with them (commiserate and share your

own stories, while spending a day doing something with them)

– Only intervene as a last resort. S/he doesn't need the added abuse of having mommy have to fight her/his battles until things are clearly out of control.

Tips for Parents 

• Involve girls in activities outside of school so they are exposed to different types of people

• Encourage relationships with adults and other children who appreciate them for what they are

• Be available to listen and don’t downplay the importance of an incident

• Teach kindness and model that behavior

• Involve girls in activities outside of school so they are exposed to different types of people

• Encourage relationships with adults and other children who appreciate them for what they are

• Be available to listen and don’t downplay the importance of an incident

• Teach kindness and model that behavior

Tips for Parents

Tips for Parents 

• Talk about both sides of an issue. Girls may tell you about being a victim but not talk about being the aggressor

• If your daughter is caught in the middle, encourage her to take the high road and support the victim, or at least not take part in the aggression

• If necessary, see professional counseling.• Become computer savvy.

• Talk about both sides of an issue. Girls may tell you about being a victim but not talk about being the aggressor

• If your daughter is caught in the middle, encourage her to take the high road and support the victim, or at least not take part in the aggression

• If necessary, see professional counseling.• Become computer savvy.

Tips for Parents

Tips for Parents 

• Do not allow your child to have a computer in their room or other isolated area. If they have laptops, set guidelines for where they can use it and the length of time they can use it.

• Be aware of the online activities of your child• Research filtering and parental control

programs for your computer

• Do not allow your child to have a computer in their room or other isolated area. If they have laptops, set guidelines for where they can use it and the length of time they can use it.

• Be aware of the online activities of your child• Research filtering and parental control

programs for your computer

Tips for Parents

Biblical Teaching on Words

• “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouraging to those who hear them.” (Ephesians 4: 29)

Biblical Teaching on Words

• “But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old evil nature and all its wicked deeds.” (Colossians 3:8-9)

Biblical Teaching on Words

• “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friend.” (Proverbs 16: 28)

• “A gossip tells secrets, so don’t hang around with someone who talks too much.” (Proverbs 20: 19)

• “To hide hatred is to be a liar; to slander is to be a fool. Don’t talk too much, for it fosters sin. Be sensible and turn off the flow!” (Proverbs 10:18-19)

Websites

• www.opheliaproject.org• www.relationalaggression.com• www.cyberbullying.ca• www.daughters-sisters.org• www.smartgirl.com• www.powerofhome.org

• www.opheliaproject.org• www.relationalaggression.com• www.cyberbullying.ca• www.daughters-sisters.org• www.smartgirl.com• www.powerofhome.org