girl surfer english subject leaders and year 8 reading...

SecondaryNational Strategy

Girl surferYear 8 reading task

Teacher pack

Guidance

Curriculum andStandards

English subjectleaders and teachers of EnglishStatus: Recommended

Date of issue: 01-2006

Ref: DfES 1789-2005 CDO-EN

Assessing pupils’ progress in English atKey Stage 3

Girl surfer

Year 8 reading task

Framework objectivesReading 10 Analyse the overall structure of a text to identify how key areas are developed,e.g. through the organisation of the content and the patterns of language used.

Assessment focusesAF2 Understand, describe, select or retrieve information, events or ideas

from texts and use quotation and reference to text.AF3 Deduce, infer or interpret information, events or ideas from texts.AF4 Identify and comment on the structure and organisation of texts,

including grammatical and presentational features at text level.AF5 Explain and comment on writers’ use of language, including

grammatical and literary features at word and sentence level.AF6 Identify and comment on writers’ purposes and viewpoints, and the

overall effect of the text on the reader.

Time neededTwo consecutive one-hour lessons. Timings will need to be adapted if lessonsare longer or shorter than 60 minutes.

These timings are estimates for guidance rather than obligatory timings. The most important consideration is that pupils should have sufficient time tocomplete the task, working independently. Unfinished tasks are unlikely toproduce evidence on all the assessment focuses.

Teachers may adjust the timings for the task to take account of their particularcircumstances, but should bear in mind that spending overmuch time on anysection may disadvantage pupils.

Pack includesTeacher notesOHT 1– To the Power of One (title)Text – To the Power of One OHT 2– true/false statements OHT 3– true/false statements – answersOHT 4– time sequence gridOHT 5– time sequence grid – answersPages 2–6 of reading bookletPages of answer bookletMarking guidelinesExemplar responses

Task outlineThis task requires pupils to read and respond to a magazine article about ateenage surfing champion who recovered from a shark attack. Pupils aresupported during the first lesson by activities which help them to answer thefirst two questions. They then work more independently during the secondlesson on the remaining questions. There is a particular focus on the structuralchoices made by the writer.

2 Secondary National Strategy | Assessing pupils’ progress in © Crown copyright 2006English at Key Stage 3 DfES 1789-2005 CDO-EN

3

Teacher notes

Teaching sequence

LESSON 1 Starter (5 minutes)� Share the learning objective with the class, rephrasing as appropriate for

the group.� Show OHT 1 (page 2 of the pupil reading booklet). Tell pupils this is the title

of a magazine article they are about to study. Ask them to speculate onwhat these words suggest about the article they are about to read. Writetheir suggestions on the OHT. Draw out some of the following:– Types of power. Political power/leadership? Physical strength? Money? – Of “One” what? Is this about a particular person?– A tribute to somebody?– A mathematical formula?

This brief activity is designed to encourage engagement with the text throughspeculation and prediction based on connotations of key words in the title. It may well raise more questions than answers, which is quite acceptable.

Introduction (25 minutes)� Distribute the pupil reading booklet and read the title, introduction and first

four paragraphs to the class. It may be necessary to explain someunfamiliar vocabulary, e.g. burgeoning, prodigy, tourniquet, forlorn,legislature and severed.

� Show OHT 2 (page 5 of the pupil reading booklet) and explain that itconsists of a number of true/false statements based on this first part of thetext. Ask pupils, in pairs, to reread the text and to decide which statementsare true and which are false.

� Remind pupils of the reading strategies they will need to use:– Skimming – to get the overall gist of the text– Scanning – to search rapidly for specific information– Reading closely and rereading – to check for details and to make sure

that important information has not been missed or misread.

This activity is designed to support a second, paired reading. It is intended toensure that all pupils understand some basic, factual information whilstexperiencing some success in the early stages of their encounter with this text.

� Show OHT 3, the answers to the true/false statements, and take feedback,checking that all pupils have the correct answers. If mistakes were made,encourage pupils to reflect on why they were made. For example, did theyrely too heavily on skimming without rereading more closely to check thatthe information they had gathered was accurate?

� Remind pupils about another reading strategy they will need to use in thistask – inferring and deducing. Explain, if necessary, that sometimes readershave to read between the lines in order to understand the writer’s impliedmeanings.

© Crown copyright 2006 Secondary National Strategy | Assessing pupils’ progress inDfES 1789-2005 CDO-EN English at Key Stage 3


� Distribute the pupil answer booklet and ask pupils to turn to Question 1.Explain that this question requires them to infer and deduce by working outwhat the writer suggests about Bethany’s character. Reread paragraph 3and take pupils through the example provided, explaining how the answerwas arrived at. Alternatively, this might be done as a modelling activitybefore pupils see the example in the pupil booklet.

� Remind pupils that in order to answer any of the questions successfully,they will need to use the reading strategies they have practised anddiscussed. Ask them to complete the rest of Question 1 independently.Give them about five minutes for this but tell them that they will be able toreturn to their answers during the next lesson if necessary.

Development (20 minutes)� Tell pupils that they are now going to read the rest of the article on their

own. While they read, they should think about the events that happened toBethany Hamilton and the order in which they appear in the article. Explainthat they do not necessarily appear in the order in which they happened.Remind pupils of the term chronological and check that they understandwhat it means. It may be necessary to explain that junkets are marketingevents run by the film industry. It may also be necessary to explainBethany’s non-standard idiom “trying to do good” (trying to do well).

� Show OHT 4 (page 6 of the pupil reading booklet), the time-sequence grid,and explain that it lists a number of events in Bethany’s life. Their task is towork out the order in which they happened in real time as well as the orderin which the writer includes them in the article. This activity should becompleted in pairs.

This activity is designed to support pupils through the remaining text byproviding them with a clear focus for their reading. It also prepares them forquestions on assessment focuses (AFs) 4 and 6 by promoting discussionabout the structural choices made by the writer and their effect on the reader.

Plenary (10 minutes)� Ask each pair to join another pair to form a group of four in order to agree

their answers. After two or three minutes, show OHT 5 so that pupils cancheck their answers. Ask them in their groups to discuss why they thinkthe writer chose not to write about the events in chronological order.Explain that you will take feedback on this at the beginning of the next lesson.

By the end of this first lesson, pupils should have read the whole text andengaged with it in pairs via two different activities.

5

LESSON 2 � Remind pupils of the learning objectives for these two lessons.

Introduction (20 minutes)� Give pupils several minutes to read through their responses to the plenary

from the last lesson and then take feedback. Draw out some of the following:– A non-chronological structure allows the writer to prioritise events in the

order of his choice rather than the order in which they happened– It allows him to foreground the shark attack which has triggered the

media interest in Bethany and made her famous – It allows him to fill in the detail of Bethany’s family background later in

the article since this is not the focus of the article– By beginning with the shark attack, he immediately captures the

readers’ interest.� Refer pupils to the reading booklet and answer booklet and ask them to

turn to Question 2 which requires them to consider the way the article isstructured. Give them ten minutes to answer this question independently.

Development (40 minutes)� Tell pupils that they are now going to answer the remaining questions on

their own. Advise them to read the text again before they do this and toattempt all questions. Remind them that they may wish to return to theiranswer to Question 1 from the previous lesson.

Since some of the questions refer to specific paragraphs, it may be helpfulto advise pupils to number the paragraphs from 1 to 15. Begin with On the morning of 31 October 2003…

These are not test conditions so prompt pupils if necessary (e.g. to writemore, to explain themselves more clearly and so on). Do not, however, providesupport that means that the pupils are no longer responding to the taskindependently. If this kind of support is necessary for an individual pupil in thecontext of the lesson, you will need to take the degree of support into accountwhen making assessment judgement.

It is good practice to:� tell pupils if they have not written enough or are writing too much;� prompt them to explain their answer more clearly;� generally encourage them through praise;� clarify a question or issue for the whole class if there seems to be a fairly

general misunderstanding;� remind pupils how much time they have to complete the task.

Assessment� Use the marking guidelines to judge pupils’ overall levels on the specified

assessment focuses. Highlight, then tick, the sections of the markingguidelines according to the features you find and then consider whetherthe weight of evidence is at secure or low level 3, 4 or 5.

� Exemplar responses to each question at every level are also included forreference and to give guidance on how the criteria are to be applied.

© Crown copyright 2006 Secondary National Strategy | Assessing pupils’ progress inDfES 1789-2005 CDO-EN English at Key Stage 3


OHT 1/Page 2 of reading booklet

Title

To the Power of One

7© Crown copyright 2006 Secondary National Strategy | Assessing pupils’ progress inDfES 1789-2005 CDO-EN English at Key Stage 3

Page 3 of reading booklet

Text

To the Power of OneShe was America’s teenage surfing sensation – at just 13. Then she lost her arm in a sharkattack. Now Bethany Hamilton is surfing again – and America loves her for it. DuncanCampbell examines the burgeoning Bethany industry and meets the teenager who becamean accidental heroine.

Sunday 8 February, 2004The Observer

On the morning of 31 October 2003, Bethany Hamilton was surfing off the coast of herhome island of Kauai in Hawaii. The 13-year-old surfing prodigy was with her friend, Alana,at the area known as Tunnels when, dangling her arms in the water, she was grabbed by a14-foot tiger shark. She was juggled briefly back and forth before her left arm was torn off.

As Bethany started paddling in with one arm, her companions initially thought she wasmessing around. Then they saw what had happened and whipped into action. Alana’s fatherHolt and brother Byron came to her rescue, kept her talking and got her to shore, where Holtused his surf leash as a tourniquet. Bethany had passed out by the time she reached hospitaland before local lifeguards and surfers had set off in a forlorn hunt for the severed arm.

In the immediate aftermath of the attack, Bethany’s first thoughts were: I need to get toshore to be safe – and will I lose my sponsors? She did indeed make it to the shore and wasback surfing within a week of having her stitches removed. She has made light of the loss ofher limb, declaring that God must have had a purpose for her, and she made it back into thefinals of a major surfing competition on 10 January, finishing fifth.

As for her second concern – well, the sponsors and the entertainment industry have comesailing in: there are grocery stores and clothes manufacturers seeking to have their namesassociated with her fresh-faced pluck. There are surfboard manufacturers and resorts whowant to talk to her. Already there is a website and a CD extolling her virtues. She hasopened the state legislature in Honolulu and thrown the first pitch in a baseball game forthe Oakland Athletics. There have been appearances on the big American talk shows ofOprah Winfrey and Ellen de Generes. There have been interviews with EntertainmentTonight and on CNN. She posed for a fashion shoot in Glamour magazine, styled ‘Love YourBody’. Soon there will be a film and a book. From there will follow the tours of Europe andAustralia and the world.

*********************

This evening Bethany Hamilton is sitting on the roof of the Four Seasons hotel in Beverly Hills,the hotel where stars dutifully come to be interviewed and where many of the Hollywoodjunkets take place. She has her parents, Tom and Cherie, with her and her friends, Chantilly andTiffany, and their dad, Roy Hofstetter, who is overseeing this whole extraordinary operation.

Bethany’s parents came to Hawaii from Ocean City, New Jersey, in 1965, not least for themagical waves. Her father, Tom, had surfed in wet suits on the New Jersey coast and is anaccomplished longboard surfer. Bethany, who has two older brothers, Noah and Timothy,started surfing as a small child and was so good that by the time she was nine, friends toldthe Hamiltons that they should consider the possibility that she could make it as acompetitive surfer. For the past few years, and with the sponsorship of Rip Curl, the surfingand sports goods manufacturers, she has been aiming at that goal.


Page 4 of reading booklet

Text (continued)

Her family have supported her as best they can, one brother taking still shots of her, whilethe other makes videos of her career. In the past, they scraped together the money necessaryto fly Bethany to competitions, where they would often stay together, in the same room, incramped motels. All of this was to enable Bethany to continue to stretch herself, to strive tobe the best.

Bethany Hamilton, who, at 13, finished second in the US national under-18 championship,was a celebrated figure in the often macho world of surfing long before the attack. She wasaccepted even by the boys, amazed as they were at the abilities of one so young. She won a reputation in competition for choosing the last possible wave to ride and for winningcompetitions open to girls four or five years older than her. Then, on Kauai’s North Shore,came the attack, the extraordinary media interest in her story and the call-up for Hofstetter.

With the long, sun-bleached hair and tan of the committed surfer, Bethany is in many waysthe typical teenager. She jokes about her missing arm, enthuses at the possibility of a stay-over with her friends, says how much she hates country and rap music. Asked what shemight do for a career if surfing does not work out, she mentions photography but adds: “I am only 13 ...”Bethany was never happier than when surfing and was unconcerned about whether or notshe was becoming a famous surfer. “I was more trying to do good than be in the publiceye,” she says. Yes, she had thought of the risk of sharks occasionally. “Every surfer thinksabout it once in a while but not, like, every moment of their surfing hours”.

While Bethany is adamant that she wants to surf competitively at the highest level, she is also aware of the obstacles that she faces. “The main difficulties are standing up andpaddling,” she says, adding that balance has not been a problem for her and that she hasadapted quickly to her condition. Her main problem, she says, is paddling out from shoreand then paddling to catch a wave.

Her parents are just grateful that the attack was not worse. “Thankfully, it didn’t take herout totally,” says Cherie.

Hofstetter says that the event has changed his life, too. “It’s got a real, nice purpose to it now, because I love the family. But behind the scenes it’s an unbelievable amount ofstrategic timing”.

The next few months will be crucial for The Bethany Hamilton Story. “Acts six and seven of the movie depend on what happens in the next six months,” says Hofstetter. “She has acompetition per month leading up to the national championships in June in San Clemente”.

It’s clear that the only possible last act would be for her to triumph at those championships,which take place in the shadow of a nuclear plant because that’s where the big waveshappen to be. Yet, perhaps, for once, the result won’t matter too much. After all, this is a story about the waves and about a girl who turned out not to be drowning but waving.

Guardian Unlimited © Guardian Newspapers Limited 2004



True/false statements

Which of the following details from the first four paragraphs are true and which are false?

Details True or false?

The shark attack happened in the afternoon on31 October 2003

It happened in the sea off the coast of an island in Hawaii

Bethany was alone when it happened

Her friend’s father and brother helped to save her life

She never surfed again until the following January

She was 13 years old at the time of the attack

She was attacked by a 14-foot basking shark

She has appeared on TV since the shark attack

She has lost all of her sponsors since the shark attack


OHT 3/Not in pupil reading booklet

True/false statements – answers

Which of the following details from the first four paragraphs are true and which arefalse? (answers)

Details True or false?

The shark attack happened in the afternoon on31 October 2003

It happened in the sea off the coast of an island in Hawaii

Bethany was alone when it happened

Her friend’s father and brother helped to save her life

She never surfed again until the following January

She was 13 years old at the time of the attack

She was attacked by a 14-foot basking shark

She has appeared on TV since the shark attack

She has lost all of her sponsors since the shark attack

False – ithappened in the morning

True

False – she waswith her friend,Alana

True

False – she wassurfing within aweek of havingher stitchesremoved

True

False – it was atiger shark

True

False – althoughshe was worriedabout this, thesponsors havecome “sailing in”



Sequence the events in time order

Order in whichwe are toldabout them in the article

EventsOrder in which they happened in real time

Bethany is attacked by a shark

A film is written about Bethany’s story

Bethany becomes famous andappears on TV

Bethany’s parents move to Hawaii

Bethany begins surfing in competitions

Bethany returns to surfing


OHT 5/Not in pupil reading booklet

Time sequence grid – answers

Sequence the events in time order (answers)

Why do you think the writer chose to write the article in a different time sequence?

Order in whichwe are toldabout them in the article

EventsOrder in which they happened in real time

Bethany is attacked by a shark1 3

6

5

1

2

4

6

3

4

5

2

A film is written about Bethany’s story

Bethany becomes famous andappears on TV

Bethany’s parents move to Hawaii

Bethany begins surfingin competitions

Bethany returns to surfing


1. Reread paragraph 3, which begins In the immediate aftermath of the attack…

What does the writer suggest about Bethany’s character in this paragraph? Theparagraph has been broken into four sections to help you. The first section hasbeen completed as an example (AF3).

In the immediate aftermath of the attack, Bethany’s first thoughts were: I needto get to shore to be safe – and will I lose my sponsors?

This suggests that Bethany is almost as concerned about losing her sponsors asshe is about saving her life. Her sponsors are clearly very important to her asshe is worried about losing them when most people would only be thinkingabout whether they were going to live or die.

She did indeed make it to the shore and was back surfing within a week ofhaving her stitches removed.

This suggests that…

She has made light of the loss of her limb, declaring that God must have had a purpose for her,


and she made it back into the finals of a major surfing competition on 10 January, finishing fifth.



2. Reread these sentences which are taken from the beginning of paragraphs 1, 5and 14 of the article.

On the morning of 31 October 2003, Bethany Hamilton was surfing off the coastof her home island of Kauai in Hawaii. (Paragraph 1)

This evening Bethany Hamilton is sitting on the roof of the Four Seasons hotel inBeverly Hills… (Paragraph 5)

The next few months will be crucial for The Bethany Hamilton Story. (Paragraph 14)

Past

Present

Future

The article moves from the past to the present to the future. What is the effect ofthis (AF4)?


3. Bethany’s friends and family have helped her in many ways. Complete the chart toshow one way in which the following people have helped her and find aquotation to prove your point (AF2).

People who have helpedBethany

Her parents, Tom andCherie

Her brothers, Noah andTimothy

Holt and Byron (herfriend Alana’s father andbrother)

Roy Hofstetter (herfriends Chantilly andTiffany’s father)

One way in which theyhave helped Bethany

A quotation from thetext which proves this


4. Reread the two sentences which follow the title: She was America’s teenage surfing sensation – at just 13. Then she lost her arm ina shark attack.

Explain how the writer’s choice of words and punctuation help to create aneffective opening for the article (AF5).

The writer’s choice ofwords and punctuation

The extended nounphrase teenage surfingsensation

The dash before at just 13.

The second sentenceThen she lost her arm in a shark attack.

How this helps to create an effective opening for thearticle


5. Which one of these statements best describes the way the writer wants the readerto respond to Bethany’s story (AF6)?

6. Reread the paragraphs near the end of the article, from While Bethany is adamantto June in San Clemente.

What effects does the writer achieve by using some direct speech in theseparagraphs (AF5)?

The writer wants the reader to think that…

a) It’s an exciting story about a shark attack, full of action and very gory.

b) It’s a hopeful story about a girl whose bravery and talent help her tobe successful, even after a terrible accident.

c) It’s a story with a warning: it’s dangerous to go surfing in the waters off the coast of Hawaii.

I chose this statement because…

Tick one


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xp

lana

tion

is p

rovid

ed

th

at

dra

ws o

n a

pp

rop

ria

te t

extu

al e

vid

ence

fo

r sup

po

rt, e

.g.

be

cau

se

th

e a

rtic

le is

really

all

ab

ou

t B

eth

an

y a

nd

th

e w

ay

sh

e s

urv

ive

d t

he

sh

ark

atta

ck to

b

eco

me f

am

ous. T

he

wri

ter

se

em

s to

re

ally

ad

mire

he

r.

L4

In

Q3,

pu

pils

pro

vid

e a

re

leva

nt

po

int

for

two

or

thre

e o

f th

e f

ou

r g

rou

ps a

nd

su

pp

ort

each w

ith

an

app

rop

ria

te

qu

ota

tion

. S

om

e q

uo

tatio

n m

ay b

e

un

se

lective

or

lack fo

cu

s, e

.g.

her

bro

the

rs t

oo

k p

ho

tos a

nd

mad

e v

ideo

s

of

Be

than

y,

“He

r fa

mily

ha

ve

su

pp

ort

ed

he

r as b

est

they c

an

”.

In Q

1,

co

mm

en

ts m

ake c

orr

ect

infe

ren

ce

s

fro

m tw

o o

r th

ree o

f th

e s

ectio

ns (

alth

oug

h

ea

ch

answ

er

ma

y n

ot n

ecessa

rily

dea

l w

ith

th

e c

om

ple

te “

ch

un

k”)

. T

he

re m

ay b

e s

om

e

repe

tition

and

com

me

nts

ma

y r

epea

t th

e

co

nte

nt, e

.g.:

•sh

e w

ants

to g

et ba

ck s

urf

ing

str

aig

ht

aw

ay

•B

eth

an

y is d

ete

rmin

ed

to

sta

rt s

urf

ing

a

gain

as s

oon

as p

ossib

le

•sh

e is v

ery

bra

ve

an

d d

oesn

’t le

t th

e

accid

en

t ge

t in

th

e w

ay o

f h

er

su

rfin

g

In Q

2,

str

aig

htfo

rwa

rd,

oft

en

gen

era

l,

co

mm

en

ts o

n t

wo

or

thre

e o

f th

e te

nse

ch

oic

es, bu

t w

ith

little a

wa

ren

ess o

f h

ow

th

ese

con

trib

ute

to

str

uctu

re, e

.g.

he

d

escribe

s the

sh

ark

att

ack a

nd

the

n g

oes

on

to

te

ll us w

ha

t B

eth

an

y is d

oin

g n

ow

.

In Q

4,

so

me

str

aig

htfo

rwa

rd c

om

men

ts o

n

the e

ffect o

f tw

o o

r th

ree

of

the f

ea

ture

s,

e.g

.th

e s

econ

d s

en

tence

he

lps b

eca

use

it

tells

us

wh

at h

ap

pe

ne

d to h

er.

In Q

6,

co

mm

en

ts s

ho

w s

om

e g

en

era

l a

wa

rene

ss o

f th

e e

ffe

ct o

f usin

g d

irect

sp

ee

ch

, b

ut

offe

r lit

tle o

r no

exp

lan

atio

n, e

.g.

it m

akes it se

em

mo

re r

ea

l.

In Q

5,

sta

tem

en

t (b

) is

se

lecte

d w

ith a

str

aig

htfo

rwa

rd c

om

me

nt, o

ften

dra

win

g

he

avily

on

the

wo

rdin

g o

f th

e s

tate

me

nt

an

d w

ith

little t

extu

al re

fere

nce,

e.g

. b

eca

use it’s a

bo

ut B

eth

any a

nd h

ow

b

rave s

he

is.

IE

Ove

rall

assessm

en

t (t

ick o

ne

bo

x o

nly

) S

ecu

re 5

L

ow

5

Se

cu

re 4

L

ow

4

Secondary

Nat

iona

l Str

ateg

yfo

r sc

hool

imp

rove

men

t


Mark

ing

gu

idelin

es –

Year

8 t

ask –

Gir

l su

rfer

Asse

ssin

g p

up

ils’ p

rog

ress in

En

glis

h a

t K

ey S

tag

e 3

Pupil

nam

e........................................................................................

Form

.................................

Date

...............................

AF

2 –

un

ders

tan

d,

descri

be,

sele

ct

or

retr

ieve

in

form

ati

on

, e

ven

ts o

r id

eas

fro

m t

exts

an

d u

se q

uo

tati

on

an

d

refe

ren

ce

to

te

xt.

AF

3 –

de

du

ce

, in

fer

or

inte

rpre

t in

form

ati

on

, e

ve

nts

or

ide

as

fro

m t

ex

ts.

AF

4 –

id

en

tify

an

d c

om

men

t o

n t

he

str

uctu

re a

nd

org

an

isati

on

of

texts

, in

clu

din

g g

ram

mati

cal

an

d p

resen

tati

on

al

fea

ture

s a

t te

xt

level.

AF

5 –

exp

lain

an

d c

om

men

t o

n w

rite

rs' u

se

of

lan

gu

ag

e,

inclu

din

g g

ram

mati

cal an

d

lite

rary

fe

atu

res

at

wo

rd a

nd

se

nte

nc

e l

evel.

AF

6 –

id

en

tify

an

d c

om

me

nt

on

wri

ters

' p

urp

oses a

nd

vie

wp

oin

ts,

an

d t

he

ove

rall

eff

ec

t o

f th

e t

ex

t o

n t

he

re

ad

er.

L4

In

Q3,

pu

pils

pro

vid

e a

re

leva

nt

po

int

for

two

or

thre

e o

f th

e f

ou

r g

rou

ps a

nd

su

pp

ort

each w

ith

an

app

rop

ria

te

qu

ota

tion

. S

om

e q

uo

tatio

n m

ay b

e

un

se

lective

or

lack fo

cu

s, e

.g.

her

bro

the

rs t

oo

k p

ho

tos a

nd

mad

e v

ideo

s

of

Be

than

y,

“He

r fa

mily

ha

ve

su

pp

ort

ed

he

r as b

est

they c

an

”.

In Q

1,

co

mm

en

ts m

ake c

orr

ect

infe

ren

ce

s

fro

m tw

o o

r th

ree o

f th

e s

ectio

ns (

alth

oug

h

ea

ch

answ

er

ma

y n

ot n

ecessa

rily

dea

l w

ith

th

e c

om

ple

te “

ch

un

k”)

. T

he

re m

ay b

e s

om

e

repe

tition

and

com

me

nts

ma

y r

epea

t th

e

co

nte

nt, e

.g.:

•sh

e w

ants

to g

et ba

ck s

urf

ing

str

aig

ht

aw

ay

•B

eth

an

y is d

ete

rmin

ed

to

sta

rt s

urf

ing

a

gain

as s

oon

as p

ossib

le

•sh

e is v

ery

bra

ve

an

d d

oesn

’t le

t th

e

accid

en

t ge

t in

th

e w

ay o

f h

er

su

rfin

g

In Q

2,

str

aig

htfo

rwa

rd,

oft

en

gen

era

l,

co

mm

en

ts o

n t

wo

or

thre

e o

f th

e te

nse

ch

oic

es, bu

t w

ith

little a

wa

ren

ess o

f h

ow

th

ese

con

trib

ute

to

str

uctu

re, e

.g.

he

d

escribe

s the

sh

ark

att

ack a

nd

the

n g

oes

on

to

te

ll us w

ha

t B

eth

an

y is d

oin

g n

ow

.

In Q

4,

so

me

str

aig

htfo

rwa

rd c

om

men

ts o

n

the e

ffect o

f tw

o o

r th

ree

of

the f

ea

ture

s,

e.g

.th

e s

econ

d s

en

tence

he

lps b

eca

use

it

tells

us

wh

at h

ap

pe

ne

d to h

er.

In Q

6,

co

mm

en

ts s

ho

w s

om

e g

en

era

l a

wa

rene

ss o

f th

e e

ffe

ct o

f usin

g d

irect

sp

ee

ch

, b

ut

offe

r lit

tle o

r no

exp

lan

atio

n, e

.g.

it m

akes it se

em

mo

re r

ea

l.

In Q

5,

sta

tem

en

t (b

) is

se

lecte

d w

ith a

str

aig

htfo

rwa

rd c

om

me

nt, o

ften

dra

win

g

he

avily

on

the

wo

rdin

g o

f th

e s

tate

me

nt

an

d w

ith

little t

extu

al re

fere

nce,

e.g

. b

eca

use it’s a

bo

ut B

eth

any a

nd h

ow

b

rave s

he

is.

L3

In

Q3,

on

e o

r tw

o r

ele

va

nt

po

ints

may

be

pro

vid

ed

bu

t th

ere

ma

y a

lso b

e

so

me m

isu

nd

ers

tan

din

g, e

.g.

Ro

y

Ho

fste

tte

r d

id B

eth

any’s

op

era

tion

. Q

uo

tation

ma

y b

e u

sed

to

ma

ke

th

e

po

int ra

ther

than

to

su

pp

ort

it,

e.g

. th

ey

scra

pe

d t

og

eth

er

the

mo

ne

y n

ecessa

ry

to fly

Beth

any to

co

mp

etitio

ns.

In Q

1,

co

mm

en

ts te

nd t

o r

em

ain

at

the

litera

l le

ve

l, e

.g. she

mad

e it

into

th

e fin

als

of a

m

ajo

r su

rfin

g c

om

pe

tition

on

10 J

anu

ary

. R

espo

nses m

ay b

e b

ase

d o

n p

ers

on

al

sp

ecula

tion

, e

.g.

I w

ou

ld h

ave

be

en

fr

igh

tene

d to

go b

ack in th

e w

ate

r afte

r so

meth

ing lik

e that.

In Q

2,

co

mm

en

ts m

ay p

ara

ph

rase

th

e

qu

estio

n,

e.g

. he

sta

rts in

th

e p

ast an

d

then

go

es o

n to

the

pre

sen

t a

nd

th

e fu

ture

.

In Q

4,

co

mm

en

ts te

nd t

o p

ara

ph

rase t

he

o

rig

ina

l, w

ith

little o

r n

o c

om

me

nt, e

.g.

it te

lls

us s

he

is a

te

ena

ge

su

rfin

g s

ensation

.

In Q

6,

so

me

co

mm

en

t is

pro

vid

ed

bu

t w

ith

lit

tle

or

no

exp

lanatio

n,

e.g

. it t

ells

us w

ha

t th

ey s

aid

.

In Q

5,

eithe

r sta

tem

en

t (a

) or

(c)

is

se

lecte

d o

r sta

tem

en

t (b

) is

se

lecte

d,

bu

t w

ith

an ina

pp

rop

ria

te c

om

men

t o

r n

o c

om

men

t a

t a

ll, e

.g. b

eca

use I

don

’t

thin

k it’s t

he

oth

ers

.

B3

IE

Ove

rall

assessm

en

t (t

ick o

ne

bo

x o

nly

) S

ecu

re 4

L

ow

4S

ecu

re 3

L

ow

3

Be

low

3

Secondary

Nat

iona

l Str

ateg

yfo

r sc

hool

imp

rove

men

t

Exemplar responses


1. Reread paragraph 3, which begins In the immediate aftermath of the attack…

What does the writer suggest about Bethany’s character in this paragraph? Theparagraph has been broken into four sections to help you. The first section has beencompleted as an example (AF3).

Level 3: Response and commentary

Three comments are provided which remain at a literal level although the third includessome element of simple deduction – “which is good”.



A straightforward inference is drawn from each piece of text, relating to it in ageneralised way without elaboration or linkage to specific words and phrases.



Comments on each of the three pieces of text draw correct and quite precise inferences,but with limited explanation that links inferences to specific points in the text.


2. Reread these sentences which are taken from the beginning of paragraphs 1, 5 and 14of the article.

On the morning of 31 October 2003, Bethany Hamilton was surfing off the coast of herhome island of Kauai in Hawaii. (Paragraph 1)

This evening Bethany Hamilton is sitting on the roof of the Four Seasons hotel inBeverly Hills… (Paragraph 5)

The next few months will be crucial for The Bethany Hamilton Story. (Paragraph 14)


Comment does little more than paraphrase the information given in the question, butwith some implicit recognition of the changing tense choices.



This response attempts to focus on the purpose of the changing tense choices with astraightforward, generalised explanation that the underlying intention is to establish linksbetween past events and Bethany’s management of her present situation.


A detailed explanation is given of how the changing tense choices contribute to anunderstanding of the sequence of events – each of which makes its own specific contributionto the impact of the text on the reader – and its cumulative effect within the structure of thetext. The response fully meets all the level 5 criteria for this task and is beginning to addressthe level 6 criteria as given in the assessment guidelines for ongoing work.


3. Bethany’s friends and family have helped her in many ways. Complete the chart toshow one way in which the following people have helped her and find a quotation toprove your point (AF2).


There is some correct identification of and reference to the help provided by Holt andByron, but other points are relevant only in a generalised way and there is somemisunderstanding in that the text does not say her brothers taught her to surf.



Relevant points are made about the assistance of Bethany’s parents and by Holt andByron, each supported by an appropriate quotation. Other quotations are relevant, butthere is some confusion in the explanation of what they signify.



An appropriate comment is made with reference to each of the groups of people whoassisted Bethany and each comment is supported by an appropriate quotation.


4. Reread the two sentences which follow the title: She was America’s teenage surfing sensation – at just 13. Then she lost her arm in ashark attack.

Explain how the writer’s choice of words and punctuation help to create an effectiveopening for the article (AF5).


Comment on the extended noun phrase is relevant, but “generic” in phrasing and is notmade precise to the use of the language in this context. The comment on the use of thedash is inappropriate, but the third comment on the second sentence implies anawareness of the purpose of the choice of language – “feel sorry for her and read on” –and its dramatic impact – “captivates the audience”.



For each feature, there is some straightforward comment. There is an implicit awarenessthat “surfing sensation” is intended to arouse interest, especially as the “surfingsensation” is “teenage”. Comment on the third feature focuses on the reader’s reaction ina more generalised way, although the use of “oh no” indicates some appreciation of thedrama and horror of “shark attack”. The comment on the second feature, however, showsclear understanding of the effect of the punctuation on the reader and helps thisresponse fully meet the level 4 criteria.



Comment on the extended noun phrase is not inappropriate, but is vague and imprecise.However, the other two comments are much more specific and fully meet the level 5criteria. The impact of the dash allows the reader “suddenly, and dramatically” to discover“she is only 13”, and the purpose of the shortness of the second sentence is not only tocreate “a dramatic effect”, but also to relate back to and support the opening sentence inengaging reader interest.


5. Which one of these statements best describes the way the writer wants the reader torespond to Bethany’s story (AF6)?


The correct statement (b) is identified and supported by the assertion that this particularstatement is “describing the story and it’s true”.



The correct statement (b) is identified and the accompanying explanation draws on keypoints from the text to illustrate the way that statement encapsulates the essence of the text.



The correct statement (b) is identified and a detailed explanation elaborates on the waythe story is “hopeful” by drawing attention to how key features in Bethany’s life –“young person, full of talent…potentially career and life-fatal accident” – are broughttogether in a way that is “somewhat inspirational”.


6. Reread the paragraphs near the end of the article, from While Bethany is adamant toJune in San Clemente.

What effects does the writer achieve by using some direct speech in these paragraphs(AF5)?


Comment is not precise and clear, but there is some implication that the immediacy ofdirect speech is appropriate in the circumstances to explaining about Bethany’s life.


There is some general awareness that direct speech adds authenticity to the account ofBethany’s life – “even more realistict” – thus enhancing its impact on the reader.



An explanation is given, in general terms, of the effect of using direct speech – “to displaytheir pure and untampered thoughts” – and its purpose – “to leave the readers wellinformed of all the details” and “to show the character’s emotions, feelings andopinions”. There is just sufficient comment to meet the criteria for level 5.

These materials have been developed by QCA in partnership with the Secondary National Strategy.

The help provided by the teachers and pupils who have trialled the materials as part of the Monitoring Pupils’ Progress in English project has been invaluable.

girl surfer english subject leaders and year 8 reading...

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