GIFT OF

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Bridges Not Walls A Book about Interpersonal

Communication SEVENTH EDITION

Edited by John Stezoart

University of Washiugton

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McGraw-Hill College

Boston Burr Ridge, IL Dubuque, lA Madison, WI New York San Francisco St. Louis Bangkok Bogota Caracas Lisbon London Madrid

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Contents

PREFACE IX

P a r t i THE BASIC INGREDIENTS

Chapter 1 Introduction to the Editor and to This Book

Chapter 2 Introduction to Interpersonal Communication 14

John Stewart: Communicating and Interpersonal Communicating 16 James J. Lynch: The Language of the Heart 45 David Bohm: On Communication 52 William Isaacs: Dialogue 58

Chapter 3 Verbal and Nonverbal Communicating 66

John Stewart and Carole Logan: Verbal and Nonverbal Dimensions of Talk 67

Virginia Satir: Paying Attention to Words 93 Amy Tan: The Language of Discretion 99 Theodore G. Grove: Nonverbal Elements of Interaction 105

V I

ContenK

Part II OPENNESS AS INHALING

119

146

152

Chapter 4 Self-Awareness

Gerald Corey and Marianne Schneider-Corey: Meaning and Values 122

Harold Barrett: Maintaining the Self in Communication 132 John Welwood: /;; Search of the Genuine, Powerful Male and Female

Chapter 5 Awareness of Others

Sarah Trenholm and Arthur Jensen: Interpretive Competence: How We Perceive Individuals, Relationships, and Social Events 154

Julia T. Wood: It's Only Skin Deep: Stereotyping and Totalizing Others 168

Dan ie l G o l e m a n : The Rudiments of Social Intelligence 175 David B o h m : The Nature of Collective Thought 186

Oiapter 6 Listening 194

Carol A. Roach and Nancy J. Wyatt: Listening and the Rhetorical Process 196

Matthew McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning: Listening 202 John A. Sanford: The Power of Creative Listening 212 John Stewart and Carole Logan: Empathic and Dialogic Listening 217

Part III OPENNESS AS EXHALING

Chapter 7 Expressing Yourself

Matthew McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning: Expressmg Steve Duck: Expressing Meaning to Others 255

Chapter 8 Hurtful and Negative Communicating

Anita L. Vangelisti: Messages That Hurt 265 John Welwood: Iwad into Gold 276 John Stewart and Carole Logan:

Deception, Betrayal, and Aggression 283

241

243

263

Contents

Part r\ ' RELATIONSHIPS

301 Chapter 9 Negotiating Relationships

John Stewart and Carole Logan: Co-Constructmg Sf/rrs MM William W. Wilmot: Communication Sptrah P.iradoxe<i,

and Conundrums 320 Kenneth N. Cissna and Evelyn Sieburg: Patterns of Interactional

Confirfuation and Disconfirmation 3>

Clmpter 10 Friendship ^-,

Steve tXick: Our Friends. Ourselves 348 John Hardwig: In Search of an Ethics of Personal Relattonsfups 362

Cfiapter U Families 373

Julia T Wood: What's a Family, Anyiray? Different Vieios ofWJuit Family Means 373

Virginia Sahr: Your Family Map 385

Chapter 12 Intimate Partners *̂**̂

Daniel J. Canar)^ and Tara M. Emmers-Sommer, with Sandra Faulkner Moving Beyond Sex and Gender Stereotypn^s 3̂ S

Gerald Corey and Marianne Schneider-Corey: Intimate Relationshipys 409

John Welwood: Love: Conscious, Conditional, Unconditional 421

Par tV BRIDGING DIFFERENCES

Chapter 13 Managing Conflict

Joseph P Folger, Marshall Scott I\x)lt\ and Randall K Stutman: Conflict and Interaction 431

Jack R. Gibb: Defensive Communication 442 Hugh and Gayle Prather: How to ResoliY Issues Unmemorably 4W Jeffrey Kottler: Taking ResiKmsibility Without Blammg 460 W. Bamett Pearce and Stephen W. Littlejohn:

New Forms of Eloquence 471

42*̂

^ " Contents

Cfiapter 14 Bridging Cultures 4^3

David W. Johnson: Buildtng Relationsttifys With Dixrrse Others 487 LettA' Cottin Pogrebin: The Same and Dtfftrent: Crossmg Boundaries of

Color Culture, Sexual Preference, DisaNlity, and Age 300 Donal Carbaugh: Mediating Cultural SeliYs: Soiiet

and American Cultures m a Teleiused ' Spacebridge'^ 317

Part \\ APPROACHES TO INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Chapter 15 A Teacher's Approach 533

C. Roland Christensen: Every Student Teaches and EiYry Teacher Learns: The Reciprocal Gift of Discussion Teaching 333

CImpter 16 A Psychologist 's Approach 554

Ruthellen Josselson: Oi^ercoming the Space Betu^en Us 536

CJiapter 17 A Counselor 's Approach 564

Carl R. Rogers: Experie^tces in Communication 366

Chapter 18 A Philosopher 's Approach

Martin Buber: Elements of the Interhuman 579

374

INDEX 595