Getting Unstuck 2.0

Moving Beyond Shame and a Victim Mentality to New Life

P.O. Box 739 • Forest, VA 24551 • 1-800-526-8673 • www.AACC.net

Getting Unstuck 2.0

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Welcome to Light University and the “Getting Unstuck 2.0” program of study. Our prayer is that you will be blessed by your studies and increase your effectiveness in reaching out to others. We believe you will find this program to be academically-sound, clinically-excellent and biblically-based. Our faculty represents some of the best in their field—including professors, counselors, and ministers who provide students with current, practical instruction relevant to the needs of today’s generations. We have also worked hard to provide you with a program that is convenient and flexible, giving you the advantage of “classroom instruction” online and allowing you to complete your training on your own time and schedule in the comfort of your home or office. The test material can be found at www.lightuniversity.com and may be taken open book. Once you have successfully completed the test, which covers the units within this course, you will be awarded a certificate of completion signifying you have completed this program of study. Thank you for your interest in this program of study. Our prayer is that you will grow in knowledge, discernment, and people-skills throughout this course of study. Sincerely,

Ron Hawkins, D.Min., Ed.D. Dean, Light University

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The American Association of Christian Counselors

Represents the largest organized membership of Christian counselors and caregivers in the world, having just celebrated its 30th anniversary in 2016.

Known for its top-tier publications (Christian Counseling Today and Christian Counseling Connection), professional credentialing opportunities offered through the International Board of Christian Care (IBCC), excellence in Christian counseling education, an array of broad-based conferences and live training events, radio programs, regulatory and advocacy efforts on behalf of Christian professionals, a peer-reviewed Ethics Code, and collaborative partnerships such as Compassion International, the AACC has become the face of Christian counseling today.

The AACC also helped launch the International Christian Coaching Association (ICCA) in 2011, and has developed a number of effective tools and training resources for Life Coaches.

Our Mission

The AACC is committed to assisting Christian counselors, the entire “community of care,” licensed professionals, pastors, and lay church members with little or no formal training. It is our intention to equip clinical, pastoral, and lay caregivers with biblical truth and psychosocial insights that minister to hurting persons and help them move to personal wholeness, interpersonal competence, mental stability, and spiritual maturity.

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Our Vision

The AACC’s vision has two critical dimensions: First, we desire to serve the worldwide Christian Church by helping foster maturity in Christ. Second, we aim to serve, educate, and equip 1,000,000 professional clinicians, pastoral counselors, and lay helpers throughout the next decade. We are committed to helping the Church equip God’s people to love and care for one another. We recognize Christian counseling as a unique form of Christian discipleship, assisting the Church in its call to bring believers to maturity in the lifelong process of sanctification—of growing to maturity in Christ and experiencing abundant life. We recognize some are gifted to do so in the context of a clinical, professional and/or pastoral manner. We also believe selected lay people are called to care for others and that they need the appropriate training and mentoring to do so. We believe the role of the helping ministry in the Church must be supported by three strong cords: the pastor, the lay helper, and the clinical professional. It is to these three roles that the AACC is dedicated to serve (Ephesians 4:11-13).

Our Core Values

In the name of Christ, the American Association of Christian Counselors abides by the following values:

VALUE 1: OUR SOURCE We are committed to honor Jesus Christ and glorify God, remaining flexible and responsive to the Holy Spirit in all that He has called us to be and do. VALUE 2: OUR STRENGTH We are committed to biblical truths, and to clinical excellence and unity in the delivery of all our resources, services, training, and benefits. VALUE 3: OUR SERVICE We are committed to effectively and competently serve the community of care worldwide—both our membership and the Church at large—with excellence and timeliness, and by over-delivery on our promises. VALUE 4: OUR STAFF We are committed to value and invest in our people as partners in our mission to help others effectively provide Christ-centered counseling and soul care for hurting people. VALUE 5: OUR STEWARDSHIP We are committed to profitably steward the resources God gives to us in order to continue serving the needs of hurting people.

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Light University

Established in 1999 under the leadership of Dr. Tim Clinton—has now seen nearly 300,000 students from around the world (including lay caregivers, pastors and chaplains, crisis responders, life coaches, and licensed mental health practitioners) enroll in courses that are delivered via multiple formats (live conference and Webinar presentations, video-based certification training, and a state-of-the-art, online distance teaching platform).

These presentations, courses, and certificate and diploma programs offer one of the most comprehensive orientations to Christian counseling anywhere. The strength of Light University is partially determined by its world-class faculty—more than 150 of the leading Christian educators, authors, mental health clinicians and life coaching experts in the United States. This core group of faculty members represents a literal “Who’s Who” in Christian counseling. No other university in the world has pulled together such a diverse and comprehensive group of professionals.

Educational and training materials cover more than 40 relevant core areas in Christian counseling, life coaching, mediation, and crisis response—equipping competent caregivers and ministry leaders who are making a difference in their churches, communities, and organizations.

Our Mission Statement

To train one million Biblical Counselors, Christian Life Coaches, and Christian Crisis Responders by educating, equipping, and serving today’s Christian leaders.

Academically Sound • Clinically Excellent • Distinctively Christian

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Video-based Curriculum

Utilizes DVD presentations that incorporate more than 150 of the leading Christian educators, authors, mental health clinicians, and life coaching experts in the United States.

Each presentation is approximately 50-60 minutes in length and most are accompanied by a corresponding text (in outline format) and a 10-question examination to measure learning outcomes. There are nearly 1,000 unique presentations that are available and organized in various course offerings.

Learning is self-directed and pacing is determined according to the individual time parameters/schedule of each participant.

With the successful completion of each program course, participants receive an official Certificate of Completion. In addition to the normal Certificate of Completion that each participant receives, Regular and Advanced Diplomas in Biblical Counseling are also available.

The Regular Diploma is awarded by taking Caring for People God’s Way, Breaking Free, and one additional Elective among the available Core Courses.

The Advanced Diploma is awarded by taking Caring for People God’s Way, Breaking Free, and any three Electives among the available Core Courses.

Credentialing

Light University courses, programs, certificates, and diplomas are recognized and endorsed by the International Board of Christian Care (IBCC) and its three affiliate Boards: the Board of Christian Professional & Pastoral Counselors (BCPPC); the Board of Christian Life Coaching (BCLC); and the Board of Christian Crisis & Trauma Response (BCCTR).

Credentialing is a separate process from certificate or diploma completion. However, the IBCC accepts Light University and Light University Online programs as meeting the academic requirements for credentialing purposes. Graduates are eligible to apply for credentialing in most cases.

Credentialing involves an application, attestation, and personal references.

Credential renewals include Continuing Education requirements, re-attestation, and occur either annually or biennially depending on the specific Board.

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Online Testing

The URL for taking all quizzes for this course is: http://www.lightuniversity.com/my-account/.

TO LOG IN TO YOUR ACCOUNT

You should have received an e-mail upon checkout that included your username, password, and a link to log in to your account online.

MY DASHBOARD PAGE

Once registered, you will see the My DVD Course Dashboard link by placing your mouse pointer over the My Account menu in the top bar of the Web site. This page will include student PROFILE information and the COURSES for which you are registered. The LOG-OUT and MY DASHBOARD tabs will be at the top right of each screen. Clicking on the > next to the course will take you to the course page containing the quizzes.

QUIZZES

Simply click on the first quiz to begin.

PRINT CERTIFICATE

After all quizzes are successfully completed, a “Print Your Certificate” button will appear near the top of the course page. You will now be able to print a Certificate of Completion. Your name and the course information are pre-populated.

Continuing Education The AACC is approved by the American Psychological Association (APA) to offer continuing education for psychologists. The AACC is a co-sponsor of this training curriculum and a National Board for Certified Counselors (NBCC) Approved Continuing Education Provider (ACEPTM). The AACC may award NBCC approved clock hours for events or programs that meet NBCC requirements. The AACC maintains responsibility for the content of this training curriculum. The AACC also offers continuing education credit for play therapists through the Association for Play Therapy (APT Approved Provider #14-373), so long as the training element is specifically applicable to the practice of play therapy. It remains the responsibility of each individual to be aware of his/her state licensure and Continuing Education requirements. A letter certifying participation will be mailed to those individuals who submit a Continuing Education request and have successfully completed all course requirements.

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Presenters for

Getting Unstuck 2.0

Moving Beyond Shame and a Victim Mentality to New Life

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Presenters Biographies Deborah Gorton, Ph.D., grew up in Arizona and graduated from Arizona State University with a B.A. in journalism. After working for NBC and Fox Broadcasting, she pursued further education in the field of psychology, earning a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Fuller Graduate School of Psychology in Pasadena, California. She also holds an M.A. in Theology from Fuller Theological Seminary. Currently, Dr. Gorton serves as the Program Director and Assistant Faculty for the M.A. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Moody Theological Seminary. In addition, she holds a small private practice as a Licensed Clinical Psychologist working with adults in life transition, and consults with individuals and organizations for leadership development. Curt Thompson, M.D., is a psychiatrist in private practice in Falls Church, Virginia, and founder of Being Known, which develops teaching programs, seminars, and resource materials to help people explore the connection between interpersonal neurobiology and Christian spirituality that leads to genuine change and transformation. Dr. Thompson is the author of Anatomy of the Soul, which demonstrates how insights from interpersonal neurobiology resonate with biblical truths about God and creation—validating the deep human need for meaningful relationships as a key to a life of hope and fulfillment. He has also produced a video series titled, “Knowing and Being Known: The Transforming Power of Relationships,” which provides a detailed journey through his discoveries on these themes. Dr. Thompson graduated from Wright State University School of Medicine and completed his psychiatric residency at Temple University Hospital. He is board certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology. John Trent, Ph.D., is President and Founder of StrongFamilies.com and The Center for StrongFamilies, a team of professionals committed to training and equipping lay and pastoral leaders to build strong marriage and family relationships in their home churches. Dr. Trent is also one of the founders of Leading From Your Strengths and Insights International, creators of the Leading From Your Strengths online strengths assessment. His main focus includes writing and speaking at retreats, conferences, business settings, churches, and seminars across the country. In addition to being a nationally-known family speaker, Dr. Trent regularly performs keynote speaking across corporate America on team building, recruiting, and retaining outstanding employees. He is a best-selling and award-winning author, having authored and co-authored more than 20 books. As a writer, Dr. Trent has been nominated for the ECPA’s Gold Medallion Award for excellence in writing 17 times, winning 14 silver medallions, and three gold medallion awards for excellence in Christian publishing. He is also a contributing columnist for Christian Parenting magazine for five years. As part of the adjunct faculty at Phoenix Seminary, Dr. Trent has been the “writing coach” for the faculty at Azusa Pacific University. Further, he has been a featured guest on radio and popular television programs. Dr. Trent has been married to his wife, Cynthia, for more than 30 years and they have two daughters. Leslie Vernick, M.S.W., is a popular speaker, author, and relationship coach. She is the author of seven books, including the bestseller, The Emotionally Destructive Relationship, and her most recent, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage. Leslie has been a featured guest on Focus on the Family Radio, Family Life Today with Dennis Rainey, New Life Radio and Television with Steve

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Arterburn, and Moody Mid-day Connection. She has spoken in Cuba, Romania, Russia, the Philippines, Hungary, and Iraq. In 2013, she received the American Association of Christian Counselors Caregiver Award. To learn more, go to www.leslievernick.com

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Getting Unstuck 2.0

Table of Contents:

GU 101: What Clinicians Need to Know About Shame ............................................................ 12 Curt Thompson, M.D. GU 102: Help Your Client Move from Victim Mindset to Owner Mindset ................................ 18 Leslie Vernick, M.S.W. GU 103: Helping Clients and Families Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable: A Key to Genuine Change .................................................................................................................. 255 John Trent, Ph.D., and Deborah Gorton, Ph.D.

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GU 101

What Clinicians Need to Know About Shame

Curt Thompson, M.D.

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Summary

Shame is an interpersonally neurobiological state that disrupts the function of the mind both

intra- and interpersonally. When understood in the context of a biblical anthropology, we also

understand it to serve the purpose of disintegrating human flourishing, which leads to the

misuse and poor stewardship of the natural world. The healing of shame first requires that we

understand how the mind functions, as well as comprehending the nature of shame’s

disrupting tendencies. We then are able to implement the necessary interventions of the

provision of community, restraint, and the active exploration of our autobiographical narratives

in which shame is embedded in order to realize not only its healing, but also the renewal of our

social and vocational callings. This lecture will explore the features of shame from the

perspective of interpersonal neurobiology in the context of a biblical anthropology, along with

the psychotherapeutic and spiritual practices that lead to its healing.

Learning Objectives

1. Participants will identify the definition of the mind and understand the notion of

integration from the perspective of interpersonal neurobiology.

2. Participants will describe and understand the interpersonal neurobiological features of

shame.

3. Participants will evaluate practical applications for the healing and transformation of

shame.

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I. Biblical Anthropology

A. What Does It Mean to Be Human?

1. People are made in God’s image

2. Shame prevents us from being able to create

B. What Does Shame Target?

1. Shame targets the mind

2. Romans 12:1-2

II. Understanding the Mind

A. The Mind is an Embodied Process

1. Shame is not just an abstract concept

2. Shame targets the whole person

B. The Mind is a Relational Process

1. About 20% of neural activity is ready to go at birth, but the remaining 80% requires

relational interaction with others.

2. The mind is always a process that is moving either toward or away from states of

integration.

C. The Mind is an Emergent Process

1. The whole is always larger than the sum of its parts

2. Objects that are moving are easier to direct than ones that are still

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3. This process is always informational in nature

4. There are multiple domains of the mind and its activity

D. Integration

1. The different aspects of the mind need to come together, but not all of the parts are

always going to have a dominant role

2. Each aspect must be well trained on its own and able to integrate together when

necessary

3. Shame prevents differentiation and linkage

III. The Importance of Stories

A. Telling Stories

1. Evil’s intention is to disrupt our creative abilities

2. Stories are often kept private, preventing them from being differentiated and linked

B. In What Story Are You Living?

1. Stories are always told before and after birth

2. Stories are collaborative

3. Stories are told without language

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IV. Shame and the Disintegration of the Mind

A. The Neurophysiological Role of Shame

1. Being told “No” activates the parasympathetic nervous system.

2. The issue is not that we are being told “no,” the issue is that we are missing a felt

sense of relationship.

3. Shame is what happens when we say no in the absence of a deeply-connected

interpersonal relationship.

4. Children can experience the phenomenon of shame from as early as 15-18 months

of age.

5. Shame isolates parts of the brain from other parts of the brain.

6. Shame tends to cause people to isolate themselves from other human beings.

7. Shame is isolating and self-perpetuating

B. Stasis

1. Stasis is the absence of movement.

C. Condemnation

1. Shame puts us in a place where we either condemn ourselves or someone else.

2. Shame takes place in very small moments.

3. Evil tells us that we are alone—the Gospel tells us we never have to be alone.

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D. The Impact of Shame

1. Shame has a separating effect.

2. Shame extends itself into communities, families, and churches.

3. The more we are attuned to the way shame operates, the more effectively we will

be able to combat it.

V. What To Do About Shame

A. Vocational Renewal (Hebrews 12:1-2)

1. The healing of shame re-commissions us to do the things we were made to do.

2. Who represents your great cloud of witnesses?

Shame must be healed in the context of community

3. What is distracting you?

Sin begins with the distraction of your attention

Saying no is as much a part of love as saying yes

B. Fix Your Eyes Upon Jesus

1. Fix your eyes on Jesus and recognize that He sees you

2. Jesus spent His days constantly practicing communion with the Father

3. We live in the context of a God who delights when we are in His presence

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GU 102

Help Your Client Move from Victim Mindset to

Owner Mindset

Leslie Vernick, M.S.W.

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Summary

Clients who have been abused often continue self-identifying as victims long after their abuse.

They get stuck feeling helpless and powerless over their feelings, their choices, and their life.

This lecture will help students recognize how mindset hinders recovery and growth.

Learning Objectives:

1. Participants will identify the difference between a victim mindset and an owner

mindset.

2. Participants will discover how to prevent clients from becoming overly dependent on

them to fix their lives.

3. Participants will explore how to empower a victim to become resourceful, strong, and

capable so she can take responsibility for her current situation and future self.

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I. Understanding the Victim Mindset

A. The Importance of Choices

1. What are you going to do with what happened to you?

2. What happened to you in the past is not who you are.

3. Who you become out of what happened is up to you.

4. What happened to you not who you are—it is not a statement about your identity, it

is a statement about what happened to you.

5. You may not have had choices when you were first victimized, but you do have

choices now.

6. Will your circumstances decide who you become or will you decide who you

become?

B. Moving Beyond Victimization

1. Owners decide for themselves what type of person they want to be; victims allow

circumstances decide for them.

2. Owners take action to shape circumstances; victims are shaped by their

circumstances and stay helpless.

C. Victim Language vs. Owner Language

1. Victims talk in “I can’t” language, owners talk in “I can.”

2. Victims see problems, owners see opportunities.

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3. Victims talk about “survival,” owners take initiative in their lives.

4. Victims ask, “How can I get through this?” and owners ask, “What can I get from

this?”

5. Victims wish for things, owners plan for things.

6. Victims ask, “What will you do for me?” and owners ask, “What do I need to do?”

II. Moving from Victim to Owner Mindset

A. Guidelines for the Counselor

1. Practice in your own life

2. Ask your clients what they are going to do with what has happened to them.

B. Learned Helplessness

1. Victims can get stuck believing they cannot escape their circumstances.

2. People may feel helpless even when they are not.

C. The Relearning Process

1. The victim must take ownership of the present situation

2. Help the client understand the thought-feeling connection

Matthew 6:22

3. Thoughts are powerful, even if they are not true

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4. Thoughts shape life experiences

5. Create a chart to help interpret situations

Situations

Thoughts

Feelings

III. The Role of Feelings and Identity

A. Identity

1. Feelings are often confused with identity

I am angry

I am helpless

I am powerless

I am scared

I am a loser

I am stupid

2. Help clients adjust their language.

3. Help clients understand that they have been victimized, but that does not mean they

have to be victims.

B. Examine Your Big Circle

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I am fearfully and wonderfully made and my soul knows it full well.

— Psalm 139:14

Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for

anger gives a foothold to the devil…. Get rid of bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and

slander….

— Ephesians 4:26, 31

1. What are your deepest values?

2. What are your highest virtues?

3. Discipline is the next step to real change.

4. Emotions are temporary feelings; your deepest desires are what drive the

motivation of your heart.

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5. Identity decides your action steps

6. When fear informs your action steps, your identity becomes deformed.

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GU 103

Helping Clients and Families get Comfortable

with Being Uncomfortable: A Key to Genuine

Change

John Trent, Ph.D., and Deborah Gorton, Ph.D.

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Summary

In working with individuals or families, counselors and coaches constantly run into a major

factor that derails great insights from ever taking root as real change. That’s the very real need

for people to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Participants will learn take home

strategies on how people can stay engaged and build resilience, even when it is uncomfortable

to do so.

Learning Objectives

1. Participants will analyze why a failure to keep moving toward change is so closely linked

to the idea of being uncomfortable.

2. Participants will obtain tools for helping family members, couples, and individuals stay

engaged and move toward health as they move past discomfort.

3. Participants will discover how radical acceptance can become a powerful bridge to help

clients follow through on needed changes and get comfortable with the dissonance.

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I. The Experience of Being Uncomfortable

A. Examples of Feeling Uncomfortable

1. Bringing home a new significant other

Option A: Be honest

Option B: Keep secrets

Option C: Hoping others will change

2. Getting fit and healthy

Option A: Sacrifice time and energy

Option B: Maintain the status quo

Option C: Hoping that things will change without effort

B. Benefits of Being Uncomfortable

1. Living congruently with values

2. The ability to deal with anxiety

C. When Do We Need to Get Uncomfortable?

1. When we are in denial

2. When we are minimizing

3. When we are justifying

II. Identify Your Vision Statement

A. Image Managers

1. Image managers have a public self and a private self

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2. Beware of duplicity

B. What Prevents Us from Stepping Into Uncomfortable Places?

1. Our brains are wired for the path of least resistance.

2. Every decision we make involves a loss.

3. We fail to establish our true north (values and purpose), which results in reactivity

verses intentionality.

III. The Key to Change

A. The Importance of Radical Acceptance

1. Radical acceptance is a powerful bridge to help clients follow through on needed

changes and “get comfortable” with dissonance.

2. If people view the key to change as something in the future or the past, they will not

be able to accept what is happening in the present.

B. Steps Toward Radical Acceptance

1. Acknowledge the problem

2. Define the problem without judgment

3. Validate your emotions

4. Define where you want to go

5. Start taking steps toward your goals

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Copyright 2019 Light University

All Rights Reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form without the expressed written

permission of Light University or the American Association of Christian Counselors.

Light University

P.O. Box 739

Forest, VA 24551

Member Services: 1-800-526-8673