GETTING PAST NO: NEGOTIATING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE, by William Ury (Harvard Negotiation Project)

GETTING PAST NO: NEGOTIATING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE, by William Ury (Harvard Negotiation Project)

A. Five-Step Breakthrough Strategy to turn adversaries into partners:

1. Dont React: Go to the Balcony.

2. Disarm them: Step to Their Side.

3. Change the Game: Dont Reject ... Reframe.

4. Make it Easy to Say Yes: Build Them a Golden Bridge.

5. Make it Hard to Say No: Bring Them to Their Senses, Not

Their Knees.

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B. (What follows is basically their analytical table of contents, sometimes paraphrased, from pp. 147-153.)

1. STEP ONE: DONT REACT: GO TO THE BALCONY

A. Three natural reactions: Strike Back, Give In, or Break Off

B. The Dangers of reacting: Escalating conflict, agreeing when you shouldnt, or failing to reach an advantageous agreement.

C. Go to the Balcony: Take a break, caucus, mentally detach, take a deep breath.

Imagine yourself on a high balcony overlooking the scene.

D. Keep Your Eyes on the Prize:

Identify your interests.

Identify your BATNA.

Decide if you should negotiate.

Stay focused on your goal.

E. Name the Game: A tactic loses its effectiveness if you can name it. Recognize it as one of three kinds of tactics:

1. Stone Walls

2. Attacks (personal and professional)

3. Tricks (good cop bad cop)

Know your hot buttons (sexism, racism, ethnic slur?)

F. Buy Time to Think.

Pause and say nothing.

1. Rewind the tape: Get them to restate or you restate their

position.

2. Take a time-out, request a caucus.

3. Dont make important decisions on the spot.

G. Dont Get Mad, Dont Get Even, Get What You Want.

2. STEP TWO: DISARM THEM: STEP TO THEIR SIDE

A. Listen Actively

Give your opponent a hearing

Paraphrase and ask for corrections.

B. Acknowledge the Point

Acknowledge your Opponents Feelings

Offer an Apology

Project Confidence

C. Agree Wherever You Can

Agree without conceding

Accumulate yeses

Tune in to your opponents wavelength

D. Acknowledge the Person

Acknowledge his authority and competence

Build a working relationship.

E. Express Your Views - Without Provoking.

Dont say but; say yes...and

Make I-statements, not you-statements

Stand up for yourself.

Acknowledge your differences with optimism.

F. Create a Favorable Climate for Negotiation

3. STEP THREE: CHANGE THE GAME: DONT REJECT ... REFRAME

A. To Change the Game, Change the Frame

B. Ask Problem-solving questions

Ask why.

Ask why not.

Ask what if.

Ask for your opponents advice.

Ask What makes that fair?

Make your questions open-ended.

Tap the power of silence.

C. Reframe Tactics

Go around stone walls.

Ignore it.

Treat it as an aspiration.

Take the stone wall seriously, but test it.

Deflect Attacks

Ignore the attack.

Reframe an attack on you as an attack on the problem.

Reframe a personal attack as friendly.

Reframe from past wrongs to future remedies.

Reframe from you and me to we.

Expose Tricks

Ask clarifying questions.

Make a reasonable request.

Turn the trick to your advantage.

D. Negotiate About the Rules of the Game.

Bring it up.

Negotiate about the negotiation.

E. The Turning Point.

4. STEP FOUR: MAKE IT EASY TO SAY YES: BUILD THEM A GOLDEN BRIDGE.

A. Obstacles to Agreement

Not his/her idea

Unmet interests.

Fear of losing face

Too much too fast

B. Build a Golden Bridge

C. Involve your Opponent

Ask for and build on your opponents ideas

Ask for constructive criticism

Offer your opponent a choice

D. Satisfy unmet interests.

Dont dismiss your opponent as irrational

Dont overlook basic human needs

Dont assume a fixed pie.

Look for low-cost, high-benefit trades.

Use an if-then formula.

E. Help your Opponent Save Face.

Help him back away without backing down

Show how circumstances have changed

Ask for a third party recommendation

Point to a standard of fairness.

Help write your opponents victory speech.

F. Go Slow to Go Fast.

Guide your opponent step-by-step

Dont ask for a final commitment until the end.

Dont rush to the finish

G. Across the Bridge.

5. STEP FIVE; MAKE IT HARD TO SAY NO: BRING THEM TO THEIR SENSES, NOT THEIR KNEES.

A. Use power to educate

B. Let your Opponent Know the Consequences

Ask reality-testing questions

What do you think will happen if we dont agree?

What do you think I will do?

What will you do?

Warn, dont threaten

Demonstrate your BATNA

C. Use Your BATNA, Defuse the Reaction

Deploy your BATNA without provoking

Use the minimum power necessary

Use legitimate means

Neutralize your opponents attack

Tap the third force

Build a coalition

Use third parties to stop attacks

Use third parties to promote negotiation

D. Keep Sharpening your opponents Choice

Let your opponent know he/she has a way out.

Let your opponent choose

Even when you can win, negotiate

E. Forge a Lasting Agreement

Keep implementation in mind

Design the deal to minimize your risks

Build in a dispute resolution procedure

Reaffirm the Relationship

F. Aim for Mutual Satisfaction, not Victory