Welcome back to yet another installment of my headdesking , mind-numbing, bachelor challenge featuring the apparently Harry Potter look-a-like, France “Frank” Warner.

Last time, Vetinari Prettacy Legacy heiress Andorra “Dora” Vetinari went home. Leaving five girls remaining.

Fair warning, the writing style is pretty choppy at points. But it was either this or wait another 3 months. I figure we all want the main Warners back sooner rather than later.

So let’s get started!

“Lark, now don’t kill me,” Fire started.

“Why does everyone assume I am going to kill them!” I shouted, interrupting the simself. “I’m Nice! See Six Nice points! That’s not homicidal. That’s not even close to homicidal.”

“Now, Lark, What about Gethin and Amber?” Jo asked.

“And those crazy people in the asylum and your beefcake boy toy? My Nursie-Poo told me all about them,” Yakko added.

“Oh, right! And don’t forget those poor blokes from your Apocalypse. Dying to make room for more babies.”

“All right, you’ve proved your point,” I grumbled. “Don’t rub it in.”

“Would we do that?” the couple chorused.

“Urge to kill, rising,” I growled.

“Lark! Focus! This is a bachelor challenge not a bloodbath. Can I ask my question now?”

“I suppose,” I said, slumping down in my seat.

“Why didn’t you have Frank flirt with the girls before noon? I mean I thought that was in the rules.”

I sighed. “It is. Yakko forgot to include it in his email to Frank and I didn’t realize that until Dora was walking in the door yesterday.”

“So why didn’t you say anything then?”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t notice,” I said sheepishly.

“What?!” Doc cried from her place across from me. “One wrong flirt and my girl could have been a contender!”

“I don’t think it made that much of a difference. The scores between last place and second last were so big.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“So what do you want to do, Lark?” Jo asked.

“Ignore it and move on?” I suggested.

“No, I don’t think that is a good idea,” Orikes objected, rising to her feet. “I think what you need to do is have Frank try to flirt with all of the remaining girls, but instead of going for the lowest flirts: Charm and Wolf Whistle; you should go for the highest that is available for the girl in question.”

“I like that idea. Make him suffer for kicking out my Sim!”

“I’m not sure I like that idea,” Caffie said. “It seems kinda mean to do that to poor Frank.”

“Not to mention your sim’s chances.”

“Hush, Yakko.”

“Yes, dear.”

“I agree with Caffie. This Bachelor Challenge is supposed to be about having Frank learning confidence and standing on his own two feet. Not stripping away what confidence he has gained in one fell swoop. What kind of creator would I be if I did that to him?”

“The fair kind.”

“Hmmm… How about a compromise? We vote on this. All of us. There are 9 of us here so no chance of a tie.”

“I can go with that.”

“So far we have two yays with Orikes and Doc. Any other yays?”

Yakko, Jo, and Cait all raised their hands.

“Damn. You know you can change your vote,” I tried, but the simselves just shook their heads.

“Go on, Lark. Send the email,” Orikes said walking up to stand expectantly at the television where the Bachelor Challenge was being broadcast. “The rest of us are waiting.”

“Fine! But I want you to know I am doing this on protest.”

“I can do it, director-person!”

“Um, no. I’ve got it. I don’t think I need any more help. Thanks, Yakko.”

“You’re welcome!”----

Frank sat down at the computer while the rest of the girls were still milling around after the day’s elimination. He wondered what this day would bring, since the last day ended pretty spectacularly.

In his email box was a message from directorlark@sporkonastick.com. Great, he thought, this wasn’t going to go well.

“Heya Frank,

You’re doing fine, kiddo no worries as your mom would say. However, I thought it would be best if I gave you the instructions from now on. So here you go. First thing, you need to flirt with all of the girls. And you can’t be timid about it, your dad forgot to have you do this before the last elimination and unless you want to deal with a stream of pitchfork wielding simselves you need to do this. “

Frank glared at the screen before hitting the down arrow.

“Once you get that out of the way, it’s hot tub time! Just do things the same way as yesterday and you will be fine. After that, sit down and have a nice friendly game of chess with each girl. Okay, what am I thinking, try not to get caught too much. But use the time to get to know them. Finally it is time for another flirting session with each girl. Just do what feels right, this time. No need to rush things.

Also, I’ve noticed that things have been a little hard on you. If you need me to step in with the narration rather than handling it yourself, don’t be afraid to ask.

Have fun.

Love and sporks,

Lark.”

After reading through Lark’s email a few times, Frank walked into the dining room and sat down next to Tempe. “You’re looking well this morning,” he started, trying to engage the prickly legacy spare in a civil conversation.

However, Tempe wasn’t having any of it. “I was feeling great until you sat down. I mean, I’m not even supposed to be here today.”

“You sound like that guy from Clerks,” Star commented, sitting down to a scorched croissant.

Tempe looked over at the green-skinned woman blankly, then looked back over at Frank. “And I suppose you know what she is talking about,” she accused Frank.

“Yeah, I do. It’s one of my Dad-doo’s favorite movies. Although I really only like the Hockey scene myself.”

“So you’re a sports fan?” Ruby Mae asked.

Frank smiled shyly. “Yeah, I am, I guess. It was something I shared with my brother.”

“Is there anything else you like?” Mary spoke up.

“Girls,” Frank replied without thinking.

All conversation at the table stopped. Frank realized what he said and started coughing in mortification.

“Are you quite all right, Mr. Warner?”

“I think he’s wanting to die of embarrassment,” Star observed. “Too bad that isn’t fatal.”

Mary wrinkled her nose and set down her charred pastry. “Let him be, Miss Walton. I am certain that this competition is quite trying for him. The poor boy is allowed to make a few missteps”

Star’s eyes twinkled. “But I like teasing him. It’s fun.”

“You need a hobby,” Tempe observed.

“Are you volunteering?” Star wondered.

“No.”

After lunch, Frank remembered the director-person’s instructions that he needed to flirt with each of the remaining girls and that he couldn’t take the safe route. So he decided to start with Ruby Mae, since she seemed the kind of girl who would accept a strong flirt.

Unfortunately she laughed at Frank’s unsubtle attempt and then told him to back off.

Which left Frank feeling pretty foolish.

He tried to goose Star next, figuring that the outgoing and confident woman would allow it. However, she smacked his hand away with the line, “Don’t touch the merchandise, buster!” much to Frank’s consternation.

He mumbled an apology and shuffled his feet like a schoolboy.

“Look, I like you, Frank. But no butt-grabbing until I give you permission, got it?”

Frank felt about ready to give up after being shot down by both Ruby Mae and Star, but Mary swooped in.

“Mr. Warner, you look so forlorn. Perhaps there is something I can do to put a smile on your handsome face.”

“You think I’m handsome?”

“Indeed I do.”

“Thanks, Mary,” he said reaching forward to caress her the regency woman’s face.

“It was nothing,” the woman breathed leaning into his hand.

Frank felt his stomach do a little flip flop and he stumbled back from the woman.

“Did you… I mean… Was that…” he stammered out.

“Was that what, Mr. Austen?”

“Nothing. Never mind, I’ve gotta run,” he babbled bolting from the room.

He rounded the corner and saw Tempe sitting on the couch, reading a book.

The woman looked up at him and rose to her feet. “What do you want?” she asked irritably.

Buoyed by his success with Mary, Frank sauntered toward the brunette. “Can’t a guy get to know a pretty lady?”

“What in the hell are you on?” Tempe demanded swatting Frank’s hand away. “Are you mental? Does personal space mean nothing to you?”

“Geez, I’m sorry. It’s in the rules.”

“And this is why I wanted to go home earlier!”

“Fine, I’ll leave you alone.”

“Good.”

Frank headed upstairs to find Orla. Based on how the rest of the afternoon had gone, he was pretty sure that this attempt at a flirtation wouldn’t go well.

And he was right. Orla reacted in much the same way as Tempe, angered that he had invaded her personal space.

Dejected from an afternoon filled with rejection, Frank wandered out to the hot tub to fulfill the next part of what was starting to feel like a week from hell. He was hoping that maybe the girls wouldn’t notice his disappearance and that he could get through the next two hours alone.

Although, he thought, he wouldn’t mind if Mary joined him. She was the only girl who didn’t shoot him down.

“Director-person?”

Yeah , Frank?

“Do you think you can handle a little more of the narration, after this afternoon I don’t think I can keep it up.”

No worries, I’ve got your back.

Ahem…

Frank’s attempt at escape failed miserably, much like his flirts, and he was quickly joined by Mary, Tempe, and Star.

“You are not making me feel any better, director-person.”

“My, I consider myself a worldly woman, Miss Walton. But not wearing any raiment, that just is too forward for my sensibilities.”

“You need to get out more.”

“Please, Star,” Frank pleaded, averting his eyes.

“Fine! Break out the wardrobe adjuster.”

“Thank you.”

“No one ever lets me have any fun!” Star groused to Tempe.

“And you’re asking me to take your side? I still think you are underdressed.”

“Prude.”

“You seem so despondent, Mr. Warner,” Mary noted. “Perhaps you need something to lighten your spirits?”

“That’d be nice.”

“I want to remind you that you asked for this,” she said splashing the man with the warm water.

“Hey!”

“Are you two done with the PDA over there?” Tempe asked in an irritated tone. “And can we get on with this get to know you crap?”

“PDA?” Mary asked in confusion.

“Public Displays of Affection,” Star said brusquely. “Although I think your definition needs some updating, Tempe. Or should I call you Prudie?”

“Just because I don’t feel the need to flaunt myself as a card carrying flasher, doesn’t mean I am a prude.”

“Um, Temperance? I may not have a whole lot of experience,” Frank started. “But you’re making me look like a wanton.”

“Which you certainly are not, Mr. Warner. You have been the soul of gentility.”

“Sounds like someone’s shooting for a ring for her finger.”

“What? Me?” Tempe spluttered.

Star gave the brown-haired woman a scathing look. “Not you, prissy britches. Little Miss Manners over here.”

“Mary smiled beatifically. “I certainly would not be adverse to the thought. After all it is the reason why we are all here. Is it not, Mr. Warner?”

“I guess. I mean, that’s what my mom set this up for,” Frank waffled.

“But what do you think?” Star pressed.

“Maybe. If I found the right woman and she wanted to too.”

“So what kind of woman are you looking for?” Mary wanted to know.

“Hmmm… I hadn’t really thought about it much.”

“So think about it,” Tempe snapped.

“I wouldn’t mind marrying someone who was rich,” Frank started but was interrupted by Star.

“So you’re a gold-digger.”

“What? No!”

“That’s what it sounds like.”

“Dammit! Stop putting words in my mouth. Yeah, I’d like a wife who was well off, but it isn’t the most important thing. We can always make money. Love is a much more important thing!”

“Well you should say that!”

“You asked what I liked! I told you! And now I am getting attacked. That’s it. This hot tub date is over!”

On that sour note, the girls piled out of the frothing water and Frank immediately took out his anger on Tempe.

The scientist gave as good as she got, growling back at the challenge spare.

Then, as if she understood him better than she acted. Tempe asked him to play a spirited game of rock-paper-scissors.

The battle was fierce. The stakes high. And the opponents evenly matched.

However, Temperance Chandler had a secret weapon. Because of her college LARPing days, she could throw the bomb and thus she defeated France Warner.

Okay random White Wolf gaming references aside. Frank left the hot tub veranda feeling a little better.

Tired. But better.

As he crawled into bed he thought about how hot he was… Wait what? Who in the hell slipped into his room…

Mary!!!

Well, I suppose that is one way to try to get ahead. And I thought I had that door locked too… I fail as a director-person.

Frank didn’t sleep well so got up early to get a head start on all of the chess dates.

This promised to be fun.

Mostly for the director-person to count how many times the bachelor would try to cheat and how many times he got caught. That is really the only point to these boring, mind-numbing, dates. Cheating. It makes for good TV…

Ruby Mae here was lucky. He only cheated on her once and didn’t get caught.

She also earned a leg up for talking about Frank’s favorite topic – Grilled cheese.

Up next was the prickly Tempe. Who I think is going for the distraction technique and for all of her protests to the contrary, finds Frank attractive. Not that she’d ever tell him that…

Frank got the first move in…

Then Tempe showed us her lack of nice points by cheating on the first play.

Not to be upstaged, Frank countered with a cheat of his own.

Followed by another…

But Tempe was not to be undone and responded with another cheat of her own…

Then Frank tried another tack, asking her if perhaps she would like him to kiss her.

However, that tactic proved to be ineffective as Tempe once again used distraction to move around a few pieces.

After this, though, it was time to call an end to this date leaving the cheating battle at four cheats from Frank and three from Tempe.

Orla was the next to join our bachelor.

“I promise to be nice,” Frank said to the woman.

“I hope so.”

“Look, Boobies!”

“Dang it, Ruby Mae, can you stop hovering!”

“Okay that’s it. Farting on the table just because you lost! That is just gross!”

“Heh…”

The date ended with only one chest, uh, I mean cheat and a yellow cloud of smoke. I do not envy the next girl to sit down with Frank.

“You’re so encouraging, director-person.”

Do you want to narrate this?

“No.”

Then, zip it

Mary was the next to join Frank. I am beginning to think that with the state of undress that is going on here that they might as well be chest dates. I mean, look at where Frank’s gaze is glued…

“I can’t help it! I’m male.”

And the cheating begins… with her nice point heavy family Mary is likely not used to this.

Still, she handles herself admirably being the first contestant to catch our boy moving pieces.

However getting caught doesn’t keep him from trying again.

Gotta give Frank that much, when you knock him down he’ll get right back up again. Kinda admirable if it weren’t applied to cheating at chess.

“Heya, Frank. Nice way to stick it to Miss-Historically-Accurate.”

“I’m not really sure that nickname fits, but thanks. Wanna have a game, first to catch the other at cheating wins?”

“You’re on!”

So with the guidelines of the real game set, Star set up the board under Frank’s watchful eye.

“So you don’t trust me?”

“Do you think I am that stupid?”

“Oh my god! Is that Mary naked?”

“What? Where?”

“You know you just answered your question.”

“Okay, so that was totally not fair.”

“If it worked.”

“Point.”

“So are you gonna bring it?”

“I’m thinking.”

“Think faster.”

“Ahhh!!! There’s a spider on your shoulder!”

“What? Where!”

“You were saying?”

“Is that a shark?”

“Wha?”

“Eh heh heh!”

“Did you really think that I would fall for that? We’re on a freshwater beach.”

“We are?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t suppose you would believe that I saw a bull shark?”

“Nope. Caught you, Star. I win.”

“Damn.”

Both Star and Frank stood up from the chess table.

“You know,” Frank said leaning in close. “That was fun. I think I wouldn’t mind playing other games with you.”

“Did you mean it, the way it sounded?” Star asked. “Because that sounded unbelievably hot.”

“Yeah I think I did. So are you game? Or am I moving too fast for you?”

“You’re not moving too fast.”

“Good. Because I am really enjoying getting to know you, Star. In fact, I think I would like to know you better.”

“I think that can be arranged.”

And with that, we have the second crush of the competition. And on the side that counts too.

After flirting with Star, Frank turned to the waiting Mary.

“Miss Austen, your presence really does lighten my heart.”

“Oh, what flattering sentiment. And please call me Mary.”

“Mary,” he breathed. “I think I’d like that.”

“Oh.”

“So, Mary. Is there a reason you are wearing such eye catching attire?” Frank asked running his finger up her bare arm.

“Um...” Mary started a light blush staining her cheeks.

The man laughed. “It’s okay. I don’t mind. At all. And you certainly got my attention.”

Mary glanced away from Frank. “That was the point,” she murmured.

“Well, it worked.”

Ruby Mae was up next.

“I want to apologize for earlier. You just came on so strong that I got overwhelmed. I promise not to overstep my bounds again.”

“I believe you, darlin’.”

“So do you think we can start over? I’d really like that,” he whispered. “You’re just so beautiful.”

The southern girl blushed. “Why thank you for sayin’ that.”

And we have another crush, although this time it is on the wrong side.

Frank moved on to Orla who was stumbling toward the bathrooms after just waking up.

“I really like the half asleep look on you.”

“Wha?”

“You look softer, but still feminine.”

“I think you just complimented me, Frank.”

“I did. You really look nice.”

“I’m more than just a pretty face.”

“I know. I think that’s what I like about you.”

Letting Orla get to the bathroom, Frank wandered downstairs in search of the last girl he needed to flirt with, Tempe.

“So you’re not trying to get my attention?” he asked.

“No, I’m not. So back off.”

“I think you are as confused as I am. You keep wearing your undies around me. I don’t think any man could not notice a figure as nice as yours and how pretty you are.”

“You… you think I’m pretty?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re the first guy who’s said that.”

“Well you are, Temperance Chandler. And I’m glad I got to be the first one to see the real you under the exterior you present. Thanks for showing it to me.”

“Uh… Okay…” Tempe stammered. “Is it hot in here?”

Frank bent close to the flustered woman. “That’s because you are blushing.”

“I am not blushing!” Tempe exclaimed loudly, startling Ruby Mae and Orla. “Dammit! I am not blushing. Scientists don’t blush.”

“Uh-huh, right. I am so glad I didn’t send you home over that other girl, what’s her name?”

“Opal.”

“Right, her,” Frank said. Then he noticed something, or rather someone. “Excuse me.”

“Uh. Sure.”

“Come here!”

“Mr. Warner! This is not seemly!”

“Methinks the lady doth protest too much,” Star drawled.

“Screw seemly,” Frank said nuzzling Mary’s neck. “This is my damn challenge, so what I say goes.”

“So have you made a decision then, Mr. Warner? Can we send the rest of the ladies home?”

Frank released Mary and took a step back. “I don’t think I’m ready to send everyone home yet.”

“But Mr. Warner…”

“I like you Mary. A lot. But I like the other girls too. And there are few that I want to get to know better.”

The woman sighed. “I understand that, Mr. Warner. I just hoped.”

“I know.” Frank smiled and rubbed the back of his head. “Besides, I don’t want to force anyone into a relationship with me if they don’t want it. And do you want this?”

Mary’s brow wrinkled. “I am not sure. I think so. But…”

“I understand that. I’m the same way.”

“I just want to let you know that I do want to be here, darlin’.”

“I think he knows that, Belle-of-the-Ball.”

Ruby Mae ignored Star and continued her backrub. “My, but you are tense. You need to loosen up, Frankie.”

“Oh please, why don’t you just get her in bed and be over it. You know that’s what she wants.”

“I’m standin’ right here.”

“Look, both of you stop it. It’s noon. I’ve got a decision to make. I’ll see you in a few.”

Frank walked into the room to find the remaining girls all dressed and waiting for him.

“I hope I get to stay around for the kissing,” Orla said loudly.

“Why?” Tempe asked. “Oh. Hi Frank.”

Orla blushed and changed the subject.

Frank looked over at the camera and whispered, “Do I have to send her home?”

Yes.

“Damn.”

“Just spit it out, Frank,” Tempe snapped. “We all know it’s me.”

“Yeah it is, you got your wish. You can go home.”

“Thanks. This really isn’t my thing.”

“I know. You’ve told me that enough and avoided me when you could.”

“Well it took you long enough to get the message.”

“Can we be friends?” Frank asked plaintively.

“I think I can go for that,” Tempe replied, giving him a warm hug.

“So I got my wish. But why do I think like I might have made a mistake?”

“Tempe, crap, what are you doing here.”

“Going home, hopefully.”

“Well, get over here and tell us what happened.”

“I think I’ll stay right here, thanks. I don’t fancy getting too close to Lark here.”

“What’d I ever do to you?” I asked.

“Nothing, and I hope to keep in that way.”

“Oh for pete’s sake! If you’re not going to come here, I’ll go there.”

“You’re encouraging her, Fire.”

“Do you want answers, or not?”

“Of course we do,” Fuzzy interjected.

“Well, you’ve scared her, Lark. So if she won’t come to us, I’ll go to her.”

“Dammit! Do I look all that scary to you?”

“Do you really want me to answer that, director-person?”

“Shut up, Yakko!”

“So what happened? I thought you liked Frank.”

“I do.”

“So, why’d you avoid him?”

“Well, I don’t want to piss you off.”

“Just spill.”

“Lark really scares the piss out of me. And I don’t want to be here in her world any longer than I have to.”

“So that’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“So, you threw away a chance at love because you are afraid of one of the nicest people I’ve ever met?”

“It’s not like I don’t have cause! You saw what she did to that Mr. Surlie! Feeding him to that cow plant of hers.”

“That was punishment!”

“But what about the rest of the blokes she’s killed. The Tombstone. All of that.”

“Do you really think she would do that to you if you’d won?”

“No, I guess not.”

“That can’t be the only reason, Tempe.”

“It isn’t. I’ve just got work to do and a love interest and family don’t figure into my plans.”

“You should have told me that, I could have sent someone else.”

“I know. But I didn’t want to disappoint you. I know that I’m not your favorite sim…”

“Rot that! You’ve always been one of my favorites. I just don’t think you’d make a good heiress.”

“Thanks.”

“So what should we do with her, Lark? I bet Wakko’s hungry.”

I shrugged. “He’s not in this ‘hood. And I don’t really feel like living up to a cliché by killing those who pissed me off.”

“So we can let her go home?”

“That probably would be best.”

“You’re so nice, Lark,” Fuzzy commented drily.

“Six nice points.”

So with a relieved smile on her face, Tempe walked out of the door and took the first trans-dimensional portal home.

“So do you have anything to add to this, Yakko?” Jo asked.

“Yeah, like about how my girl is kicking everyone’s butts?” Cee added.

“Nah. I think I’ll keep my mouth shut. You know me, reticent, quiet, demure.”

“Modest?”

“That too. I am the epitome of silent.”

“I think you need to check your definitions, Yakko.”---

So that’s the end of Day 3. Thanks to everyone who loaned me their legacy/challenge sims and to Cait for making my cover.

Here are the final scores:Mary – 100/55 – Best Friends, one-sided crush on Frank’s side, 2 boltsStar – 100/42 – Friends, Mutual Crush, 2 boltsRuby Mae – 67/42 – Friends, one-sided crush on Ruby Mae’s side, 2 boltsOrla – 73/23 – Friends, 2 boltsTempe – 57/27 – Friends, 2 bolts

Tempe just kept avoiding the bachelor despite Frank’s efforts to engage her in conversation.

Until next time!