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GCT and EFT:Introduction
and Interaction
for Clinicians
ANDREW COUNTS, MA, LPC, ALPSCERTIFIED GOTTMAN METHOD COUPLES THERAPIST
EUGENIE TAYLOR, MSW, LICSWCERTIFIED EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED THERAPIST (CERTIFICATION PENDING)
Introductions
Introduce self to those
around
Question: What were the
BEST and the WORST
pieces of relationship
advice you ever
received?
What it is,
What it isn’t…
3
It IS an Introduction to the Gottman Method and
Emotionally Focused Therapy
It is NOT an official Gottman or EFT training .
It IS a review of some of the Gottman and
Johnson Research
It is NOT a comprehensive review or explanation
It IS an introduction to a couple of interventions
It is NOT a license to call yourself a Gottman
Trained or EFT Trained Therapist.
John and Julie Gottman
Susan Johnson
What is Different about Gottman Method Couples Therapy?
• New Approach to Conflict Management Versus Resolution
• Not All Conflicts are the Same: Hidden Agendas — Existential
• Building a Basic Relationship Skill Set in the Couple. What Should That Skill Set Be?
6
THE LOVE LAB
• Combining wisdom from four decades of research with over 3,000 couples
• Seven Principles toward building a strong, satisfying and meaningful relationship
Love Lab Film 8
9
10
Focus &
Aims of
Gottman
Therapy
Focus is on Emotion
Build Skills for Managing Conflict
Build Skills for Friendship
Create Shared Meaning
What is EFT?
A
Combination
of Theory
and
Techniques
Attachment Theory
Structural Theory (patterns)
Experimental Techniques
Rogerian Techniques
Distinctives of EFT
Humanistic, Experiential, Systemic
Attachment science based
Unlike anything we or our clients have experienced
Very high outcome rates (over 90% significant improvement; over 70% recovery)
On average, other couple therapy interventions have 35% outcome rates!
The Power of the Primary Other
View of Self:
Do I matter?
Am I worthy of love?
Do I have value?
View of Other:
Will you be here for me?
Can I trust you?
Will you respond to my needs?
Secure Attachment
BRIEF LAPSES INTO PURSUING
OR WITHDRAWING
BEHAVIORS
RESOLVED MORE QUICKLY
WITHOUT ENTRENCH-
MENT IN POSITION
LOWER LEVELS OF PHYSIOLOGICAL
AROUSAL
ABLE TO COPE WITH BRIEF
INACCESSIBILITY AND DISCONNECT
CAN SOOTHE THROUGH
INTERNALIZED ATTACHMENT
SECURITIES (POSITIVE MODELS OF SELF,
OTHER, AND RELATIONSHIP)
EFT Roadmap
Stage Three
Consolidation
Stage Two
Change Events:
• Withdrawer Re-Engagement
• Pursuer Softening
Stage One
Assessment, Change Event:
• De-escalation
Steps in Stage OneAssessment and De-escalation phase
Step 1: Identify the relational conflict issues
between the partners
Step 2: Identify the negative interaction cycle where these issues are expressed
Step 3: Access attachment emotions underlying
the position each partner takes in this cycle
Step 4: Reframe the problem in terms of the cycle,
unacknowledged emotions, and attachment
needs
Stage Two: Restructuring the bond
(changing interactional positions phase)
Step 5: Access disowned or implicit needs (e.g.,
need for reassurance), emotions (e.g., fear), and
models of self
Step 6: Promote each partner's acceptance of
the other's experience
Step 7: Facilitate each partner's expression of
needs and wants to restructure the interaction
based on new understandings and create
bonding events
Stage Three: Integration and consolidation
Step 8: Facilitate the formulation of new stories
and new solutions to old problems
Step 9: Consolidate new cycles of behavior
EFT: What’s The Problem?The negative cycle that
hi-jacks the relationship
Types of Cycles
• Pursue / Withdraw –almost all
• Withdraw / Withdraw
• Attack / Attack
• Complex
*De-escalation occurs when the couple comes to understand and view the negative cycle as the “enemy,” the barrier to connection, and attachment longings and fears drive it.
EFT in Action
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaHms5z-
yuM
Avoidant:Withdrawer Position
Emotional Regulation: Over-regulate / emotional numbing
Action tendencies in response to relational distress: shut down, distance, distract, defend, disengage
Classic Statements: eg. “No matter what I do, it never seems good enough.”
Negative Model of Other: others aren’t dependable
Childhood soothing strategies: be alone, distract
Likely Family of Origin Hx : emotional neglect or dismissiveness
Preoccupied:Pursuer Position
• Likely Family of Origin Hx: inconsistent responsiveness of caregiver
• Childhood soothing strategies: try to get attention and responses from caregiver
• Negative Model of Self: I don’t matter; I’m not worthy of love
• Classic Statements: eg. “I feel shut out/alone”
• Action tendencies in response to relational distress: talk, cry, scream, cling, criticize, demand
• Emotional Regulation: under-regulate –emotional escalation
Debrief
What comes up for you as you listen to each partner’s distress?
01How is the negative cycle making it impossible for each to see and respond to one another’s longings and fears?
02How does the attachment view impact how you see each partner, and guide the way you would help them?
03
Bottom-up vs. Top Down“It’s all about attunement.”
• Therapist attunes to client’s experience (focusing in on attachment needs and primary emotion)
• Client attunes to own experience (primary emotion; attachment longings)
• As client attunes, therapist “holds” client in the emotional experience and comes alongside the client’s experience allowing full engagement in experience
• Client crystalizes experience, articulates it, and shares it with partner.
• Empathic attunement and responsiveness of partner rewires the brain (neurons that fire together wire together)
• This results in new thoughts/new understanding
Still Face
Gottman on Relational
Dysfunction
What is “Dysfunctional” in Relationships?
Busting a few Common
Myths
Quid pro Quo
Lowering Expectations
What’s True, based on
Research?
More Negativity than Positivity
Escalation of Negative Affect
The Four Horsemen
The Four Horsemen Film 30
High Conflict
Physiological Arousal“Primal Panic”
Both are experiencing the same emotional
flooding (fight/flight/freeze)
Threat of loss of connection/safety with
primary attachment figure is registered in the brainstem in the same
way at threat to physical safety
Increased heart rate (100 BHM+)
Increased skin conductance
Increased levels of stress hormones (urine tests)
Withdrawers demonstrate more
rapid, more intense, and longer lasting
physiological arousal (outwardly, they tend to
look calm)
FLOODING
• The result of perceived criticism and contempt from your partner
• Stonewalling is a defense against flooding
• Can lead to disengaging emotionally
Too Upset?
How fast is Upset?
Heart Beat 100 BPM or Greater
A Song to remember...Stayin' Alive
A View into
Primal Panic
Expert Video Clip – Deeper exploration of the underlying longings and fears that drive the cycle; helping the couple toward reframing the “problem” in these terms
Attachment Based Approaches
In EFT therapist is veryactive and involved.
Forget the dictum “never work harder than your clients”. In EFT, you are
working harder than your clients in stage one (they
are in the brain stem- think crisis stabilization), and its not until stage 3 that they are working harder than
you?
“Catching the bullet” –through the attachment lens, all behavior makes
sense so even the harshest interactions can be reframed in terms of
attachment longings, fears, and related primary
emotion. This is in itself de-escalating.
Contraindications
Untreated Substance Abuse or
Mental Health Issue
Violence (Characterological vs.
Situational)
One Partner planning to Exit the
Relationship
An Ongoing emotional or physical
affair.
The Gottman Approach: Assessment First!
Session Four
Joint Feedback/
Goal-Setting Session
Sessions Two & Three
Individual Sessions
Session One
Joint Session
39Assessment: Session 1
Sampling Couple Conflict Interaction
Setting Up the Conflict Discussion
Critical Behaviors to Observe
Escalation: The Four Horsemen
Emotional Engagement or Disengagement
Accepting Influence
Repair (Pre-Emptive or after Negativity)
Positive Affect (Humor, Affection, Empathy)
Use of Video Tape
Physiological Arousal
Compromise
40Assessment: Session 2
Individual Sessions
Assess:
Individual Narratives
Commitment to Relationship
Hopes and Expectations and Fears
Prior Therapy
Cost/Benefit Analyses
Potential Co-morbidities (Domestic Violence, Depression, Addictions, Ongoing Affair, Psychopathology)
Relevant Family History
41Assessment: Session 3
Conjoint Session
What is the Nature of the Couple’s
Friendship?
What Kind of Sentiment Override is
There?
What is the Nature of Conflict and
Its Regulation?
Do They Honor Life Dreams?
Do They Create Shared Meaning?
Potential Resistances (e.g., Chaos)
Section 4Written Assessment: Questionnaires
42
Locke Wallace:
Relationship Satisfaction
Weiss-Cerretto: Breakup
Potential
The Sound Relationship
House Questionnaires
Sound Relationship House Questionnaires
• Love Maps
• Fondness and Admiration
• Turning Towards
• Negative Sentiment Override
• Harsh Startup
• Accepting Influence
• Repair Attempts
• Compromise
• Gridlock on Perpetual Issues
• Four Horsemen
• Flooding
• Emotional Disengagement and Loneliness
• Sex, Romance, Passion• Shared Meanings
– Rituals– Roles– Goals– Symbols
• Trust
• Commitment
43
19-Areas Checklist for Solvable and Perpetual Problems
• Emotional Connection
• Handling Stress
• Disagreements
• Romance and Passion
• Sex
• Critical Incident
• Children
• In-laws
• Jealousy
• Affair(s)
• Unpleasant Fights
• Values and Goals
• Hard Times
• Teamwork
• Power Struggles
• Finances
• Fun
• Community
• Spirituality
44
Three “Detour” Scales
These Scales Provide Additional Clinical Information
• Chaos
• Meta-Emotion
• Family History
45
Section 4Additional Questionnaires
46
Gottman Emotional Abuse Questionnaire (EAQ)
Control, Fear, Suicide Potential, and Acts of Physical Aggression
Questionnaire
SCL-90: Psychopathology Screen
CAGE AID
Brief Michigan Alcohol Screening Test (b-MAST)
• Constructive Conflict
• Friendship/Intimacy/Positive Affect Systems
• Shared Meaning
Gottman’s Three Domains of Therapy:
47
Discussing and Deciding About Goals
• Importance of Therapeutic Alliance with Both People
• Clinician’s Checklist for Couple Assessment
• Setting Therapeutic Goals as a Partnership with the Couple
48
Key Interventions from the Gottman Library
• Gottman-RapoportIntervention
• Eliminate the Four Horsemen
• Dreams Within Conflict
• Aftermath of a Fight
• Build Love Maps
• The Stress-Reducing Conversation
• Build Rituals of Connection
• Create Shared Meaning
49
Conflict Goal #3Move from Gridlock to Dialogue
Help the Partner Understand the Underlying Dreams
• Getting at Underlying Dream or Meaning Behind Position on the Issue
• Speaker — State Position without Blame, with Depth
• Listener — Ask Questions About History, Meaning, and Dream Within Partner’s Position (Don’t Try to Solve the Issue)
50
Conflict Goal #4Develop Six Skills
1. Gentle Start-Up
2. Accept Influence
3. Make Effective Repairs During Conflict
4. De-Escalate
5. Compromise
6. Physiological Soothing
51
Section 6.4.5
Conflict Goal #5Process Fights and
Regrettable Incidents
• Two Subjective Realities, Both Right
• Feelings List
• Validate Each Other’s Realities
• Triggers
• Admitting Mode
• How to Make It Better Next Time
52
New Tools?
• How might what you learned today make working with couples or families different?
• How you view couple distress?
• How you view what they are doing in response to the distress?
• How this new understanding might change the way you approach your sessions with them?
How do I learn more? EFT:
• Contact your in-state resources:• Christie Eastman: [email protected]• Shelley Coleman: [email protected]
Look up ICEEFT (The International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy):
Iceeft.com- trainings- certification- resources (books, articles, training DVDs, etc.)
What’s Next? CGT:
• Level 1 – Bridging the Couples Chasm
• Level 2 – Assessment, Intervention, and Co-Morbidities
• Level 3 –Practicum Training
• Becoming a Certified Gottman Therapist
• Learn to Present “The Art & Science of Love” Workshop for Couples
• See: gottman.com