To

From Bank Robber

To Butterfly

T.S. Freeman

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version, Holy Bible, Woman Thou Art Loosed Edition, © 1998 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

From Bank Robber To Butterfly

T. S. Freeman

Phone: 404-941-0006

www.alloninc.com

tsfreeman@alloninc.com

ISBN: 978-0-578-02202-4

Printed in the United States of America

© 2008 by TS Freeman

Allon Media, Inc.

Phone: 404-941-0006

Fax: 717-754-1118

www.alloninc.com

tsfreeman@alloninc.com

Cover Design by: TS Freeman and William V. Holmes, Jr.

Cover Revsions by: MicroArts

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission from the publisher.

ENDORSEMENTS

T.S. Freeman is a writer that expresses reality like none other. In her

book, From Bank Robber To Butterfly, she explicitly shares the reality of

life, her life. In this well written graphically depicted real life story of a

woman who utilized her intellect to hustle in the streets; commandeer

funding through illegal and inappropriate means; flaunt and misinterpret

her beauty to solicit love; finally comes to the realization that the wisdom

and love of God was all that she ultimately needed.

And in the end, she finds that all she sought, bought, illegally

borrowed and stole was to compensate for the treasure hidden within her.

It took being arrested for theft, fraud and a barrage of charges to assist her

in the discovery of her true self. Her story is riveting, powerful, and more

importantly, true. T.S. Freeman shares her life story with humor, wisdom,

intellect and a realism that allows your thought process to visualize every

scenario. If you’ve encountered a life that has been transformed by the

Power of God…this book is for you!

Elder Evangelist Victoria Lockhart

The Christ Club Ministries

When I first met Mika twelve years ago, it was like I had known her

forever. We became friends while my mother was the daycare provider for

her beautiful daughters. She is strong, intelligent and wise beyond

her years.

Through her talent to hustle, she has taught me so much

about running a business and striving for nothing less than the best. Even

in the worst times of her life, she has always been there to give me great

advice, spiritual guidance, a shoulder to cry on and a helping hand when

needed. She’s not just my best friend; she’s like the sister I never had. I

love her so much and cherish our friendship. I can honestly say that she

and I have never had a fight or argument during our friendship and that is

significant in any friendship.

So when I tell you that Mika is a great mother, business woman,

friend and most importantly a God-fearing woman, you can believe it! I

know that God is just waiting to bless her with all of the desires of her heart

because she has worked so hard to achieve spiritual success and she

deserves nothing less than her heart’s desires.

Keisha T. Taylor

Taylormade Productions

TABLE OF CONTENTS

I The Beginning Of The Beginning

II The Messenger

III The Miracle

IV Released But Not Free

V The Blame Game

VI As I Am

VII Set Free Indeed

VIII What The Hell Do I Do now?

IX Looking Back To Move Forward

X Confident But Humble

XI Lyric’s Prayer

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

With all my heart I must give a special thanks to the individuals who

played a role in the idea, the start and the completion of this book. First, I

thank God for giving me the ability to put pen to paper and share events in

my existence that may encourage or even change someone’s life. God

accepts me as I am and that will literally be what carries me through the

rest of my life. Because for most of my life I have been very reserved about

sharing certain parts of my experiences, it has taken much time to finish

this book but God sent the right people at the right time to give me the

encouragement I needed to complete it.

I sincerely thank my God-mother, Victoria Lockhart, for simply

believing in me without judgment and teaching me what it means to be

Kingdom. God has worked through you to strengthen me to hold to my

faith and not settle for anything less than His plan for my life.

Debora J. Bailey – I give you special thanks for teaching me what it

means to be a strong independent woman. I truly appreciate your support,

especially financially, in my life.

Jill Devone Ebbs – I love you dearly and I thank you for who you have

been in my life. Tragedy brought us together but destiny has kept us as

family. I appreciate the late night talks, I adore the way you’ve never

stopped encouraging me to seek what God has for me, I will never forget

the way you didn’t complain about my complaining and I thank you for

always treating me as if I am your daughter.

India Freeman-Fannin – Although you are my baby sister, you have

the wisdom of a woman twice my age. God has worked through you to show

me forgiveness and give me understanding about my relationship with our

earthly father. I pray many blessings over you and Jamal as you two

venture into a lifetime of Godly marriage and I thank you for blessing our

family with London (1) and Jaden (3).

Dishana Cambridge – After 19 years of friendship you are still my

best friend. You have been an inspiration on every level. We have watched

each other grow up and have walked through many dark valleys and

climbed many high mountains and we are still standing, still growing;

together.

Keisha L. Taylor – There are plenty of compliments I can give you

but the most important one will always be that you are just a true friend. No

matter what I have gone through in my life you have always been the same

loving and understanding kind of friend. I pray continuous blessings over

you and your business and I pray God will literally grant you every good

desire your heart has held in secret.

Beautiful – You are truly a major component of the completion of this

book. Your curiosity about its contents prompted me to finish it. It has been

an honor and an indescribable pleasure to be your spiritual cheerleader.

May the God I love bless you always and may your heart’s desires manifest

in unimaginable ways.

Ok, I think I’m done. I’ll put everybody else in my next book…

P.S. – If you are wondering who Beautiful is, you’ll have to read my book,

Beautiful: A Documentary of Intercession, to find out who he is and why

he’s important.

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to my beautiful children, Kori (16), Kali (15),

Kaisha (12), and Kaden (3). Mere words are simply not enough to express

my love and admiration for each of you. You are the greatest blessing God

has given me. The Bible says: “Children are a heritage from the Lord” and

this is clearly evident in each of my children.

Introduction

Dear Reader,

Before you submerge yourself into the pages of this book, I wish to

warn you of its contents. Because I am in no way ashamed of any of my

experiences which aided in my redemption process, I have poured out

events in my life that are not sugar-coated for Christianity’s sake. This book

is based on actual events.

You will find that some or even most of the language in this book does

not exactly fit into Christian writing. However, I thought it was important

to give the events as they happened in order for you to understand where I

was in attitude (which was far from Christ-like), in thought process (which

was and still is very analytical) and in my transformation into the Kingdom

Woman God has molded me into. It is extremely difficult for me to share

any part of my life because although many people proclaim to be Christians,

they are so quick to judge others by the sword.

But, since none of the individuals who will read this book will decide

whether I go to Heaven or hell when I die, I simply say to your negative

judgment, that is, if you have any, “I don’t give a damn.” - T S Freeman

1.

The beginning of the beginning

As the FBI agent strolled toward Lyric as she exited the drugstore, all that

went through her mind was “Just be cool and it’ll be all good.” Well, it was

all good, for about 20 minutes. As the ice-cold handcuffs were placed

around her tiny wrists, her Billy-bad-ass attitude quickly diminished.

Somehow she knew she wasn’t going to make a quick exit out of jail like she

did the few times before. After escorting Lyric and Sasha into the bank and

spending 30 minutes ineffectively trying to persuade her to confess to

making the checks, she could only assume the agent sent them off to the

county jail because he was frustrated with how much Lyric knew about the

justice system. She read a lot so she had done some extensive research on

what would happen if she were to get caught robbing banks through phony

checks. The police continuously threatened to take the case to Federal

Court but she knew they couldn’t because no money was received by the girl

sent in the bank and Lyric’s prints weren’t on the checks taken in the bank

or on the checks found in the vehicle she was driving. So although she

knew she was guilty of being the mastermind, all that mattered was, even

though he knew she was guilty too, the agent couldn’t prove it.

The ride to the county jail seemed to take forever. Alisha, the temp

who was caught in the bank, (Temp: A person used to pass phony checks),

was placed in a vehicle alone, while Sasha and Lyric were placed in a vehicle

together. Before the officer got in the car, they agreed to stick to the story

they had quickly conjured up but of course things changed when they got to

the jail. Since Lyric had no idea at the time Sasha was already on parole

from a recently served prison sentence, she didn’t know Sasha had gone

into ‘save myself’ mode. Once they reached the jail they were all placed in

separate interrogation rooms and that’s when it all began.

A female detective named D. Linsell waltzed into the interrogation

room where Lyric was waiting and with this devilish smirk on her face

kindly said, “Lyric, you know your girls rolled on you so you might as well

tell me the truth. I know you are the mastermind behind this whole scheme

and you can give me the real story now or you can take it up with a judge

later. You already have a criminal record for the same type of crime. Either

way baby girl, you’re up shit-creek without a paddle and the boat you built

got a hole in it. So what’s it going to be?” Lyric looked her square in the eyes

and told her she had nothing to say. “You are making a big mistake. I’m not

going to give you another chance and I’m not going to waste my time trying

to help you if you don’t talk to me. I deal with girls like you all the time and

you’re all the same. You think you know it all and you have absolutely no

clue. I see from your file that you work for a limousine company owned by

good ol’ Raymond and Paris. Did you know I used to work with your

mother?”

Lyric looked at her with that same devilish smirk and stated, “You’ll

have to forgive me if I don’t give a damn. And just to make it clear, she is

my step-mother and if I’m not mistaken, you two didn’t even like each other

when she was an officer. I have been here four hours. May I use the

restroom now?” “You can use it when I say you can use it.” Lyric had it in

her to punch her lights out but instead she just smiled and said, “Yeah ok.”

Since she wouldn’t talk the detective eventually decided to book Lyric

into police custody. Lyric had made up in her mind that she didn’t care

what the cops got out of the other two broads, she wasn’t telling anything

that would incriminate her or them. Two hours later, as they were leaving

the police station to go across the street to the county jail, the detective

allowed Lyric to use the restroom. As she quickly released what felt like a

bucket of water, she thought to herself, “Who knew holding urine for six

hours could be so freakin’ painful!” She felt like she was going to pass out.

When they reached the part of the jail which housed the inmates, they

were all put in a holding cell together and Lyric’s gut feeling was that the

other broads had really jumped ship just as the detective said and told what

little they knew about her to save themselves. One thing was for sure, they

didn’t know much of anything because Lyric didn’t trust either of them so

she never gave them any major details about anything.

Sidebar: (Lyric connected with Sasha through her friend’s barber

named Malik. Malik told Lyric that Sasha was a chick who knew the bank

system in and out and that she had inside connections that would get Lyric

more money than she was currently making. He called Sasha, set up a

meeting and Lyric met her at this apartment that Lyric had in one of her

fake names which meant Sasha couldn’t lead the police to her if anything

went wrong.)

Once they were booked in they had to wait to be sent upstairs to a

specific pod which is an area where about 20-40 inmates are held and

seeing how everything in jail is a hurry up and wait, it took hours for them

to be assigned to a pod. While they were waiting one of the officers came

into the holding cell and asked, “Which one of you is pregnant?” They all

said, “Not me” at the same time. Sasha was gay so they knew (or at least

thought) it wasn’t her and Alisha claimed to have had a miscarriage a few

weeks earlier so that left Lyric. She hadn’t missed any periods in a while so

she just thought maybe there was a mix-up or something and it must have

been a mistake because nothing else was said about it. It scared her at first

because she began to think what she would do if she was pregnant and

ended up getting time in jail based on testimony from these idiot chicks.

She quickly killed the thought but after they were assigned to different

pods, Lyric began to ponder what she had gotten herself into. She knew she

would be going to court within a day or two but whether or not she’d get a

bond was a different story since her previous charges were of the same

nature. At this point, all Lyric wanted to do was sleep the time away.

They were called out a day and a half later to go to court and the judge

gave them all a bond but Lyric’s was $10,000 cash. She dropped her head

and closed her eyes because she knew she wasn’t going home anytime soon.

No one she knew loved her enough to put up $10K to get her out and all the

money she had made earlier that week was used to pay bills and child

support.

As her preliminary hearing ended with a bang, her mind begin to

immediately wonder into how when she got into past illegal activity and got

arrested a few times but never saw the inside of a jail cell for more than a

day or two, sometimes less, she began to create an invincible side. She

thought to herself how the money she made was worth the short time she

would spend in jail since most people don’t make in a month what she was

making in day cutting phony checks. As she reminisced on her days of

hustlin’, she realized just as God will use whatever He chooses to get your

attention, so does Satan. Lyric grew up watching her mother work harder

than most men would work and she vowed to never be that way unless she

owned the business she was putting all her time into. Her mother was a

single mom of three children and Lyric remembered not having her there

the way she would have wanted but she respected that her mom worked

hard to provide a good home. When her youngest brother passed away at

the tender age of 8 from a brain tumor, Satan started planting seeds of hate

towards God into Lyric’s mind and it worked, for a short time. Lyric had to

grow up quick because her mom shut down after the death of her youngest

son and that’s when Lyric started thinking of how she would do whatever it

took to make a life where she wouldn’t ever need a type of god who would

let her baby brother die. Lyric was 13 when her brother passed away so her

thinking wasn’t at all in line with anything of spiritual nature.

As Lyric’s past haunted her, the invincible side began to wither away

and Lyric’s mind became clouded. It was as if her mind gathered up many

of the memories she had stored away and started a bond fire in the middle

of her brain and since there was no place for the smoke to go it just clouded

her mind. One of the memories that stuck out the most was April 9, 2000.

She had come across $68,000.00 in phony checks which eventually created

her skill to make them. There were twelve checks and each had a different

amount ranging from $8,000 to $16,000 and they were not made out to

anyone so Lyric could make it out to whoever she chose. Her neighbor, at

this posh apartment complex near downtown Atlanta where she lived, knew

her schedule enough to know she usually wasn’t home in the early part of

the day so he assumed it would be cool to have a courier deliver his package

to her apartment where he could pick it up from the door before Lyric got

home. He assumed wrong. Lyric had not gone to work that day for whatever

reason, perhaps pure laziness, and the package must have come during her

morning shower because she didn’t hear anyone knock on the door.

As she was leaving her apartment she stepped on the envelope. It was

leaning on the door and fell in when she opened it. Lyric looked to see who

the package was from since she knew she wasn’t expecting anything and

when she noticed it had the right apartment but the wrong name, she just

threw it on the kitchen counter and decided to try to wait to see if someone

claimed it before she opened it. When she got home that evening she

decided to open the package anyway and there were the checks. She sat at

her computer for hours trying to decide what to do. She called her people to

let them know she had the checks and asked if they wanted to help her

“clean” (make the money legitimate) them. Once they said yes, she checked

the account numbers to make sure they were real and went to work. The

next morning her neighbor came by and asked if she had found a package

outside of her door. Lyric lied by telling him she had been gone for majority

of the day but that someone else may have picked it up. She asked if he

wanted her to ask the other neighbors in the building and he quickly said

no. She lied again and said she would notify him if it was delivered to her

door before she went out of town for the weekend and he thanked her and

left.

Since it was her oldest daughter’s birthday Lyric thought she would

work on the smallest check early so she could spend the rest of the day

shopping and having girl-time with her daughters. Since the checks were

cashable she decided to go cash it herself. The woman at the counter

verified the amount of the check with the company who wrote it but she still

wanted more proof so she asked if she could see the package it came in.

Lyric knew she couldn’t show her the original form because it had her

address but not her name on it so she had to create a courier slip so that it

could look like it was sent to her and that’s where Lyric slipped. When the

woman verified the package receipt, the numbers didn’t match what the

courier company had in their system and she called the police. Lyric had

never slipped like that before so she knew she’d catch a charge but nothing

that would hold her in jail because she had never been convicted of a crime.

It was April 10th and she was about to spend her oldest daughter’s birthday

behind jail bars. One would think it would have ended there but it didn’t.

Lyric was just getting started. Since she knew where her mistake was, she

promised herself if she got out of jail she would make her own checks and

create her own hustle from that day forward. She never wanted to get

caught up in somebody else’s hustle again. She got off on First Offenders

and got probation, a fine, and 40 hours of community service. She stayed in

jail about 21 hours and as soon as she was released she went to work on

learning how to make her own checks.

As more thoughts like that began to creep in, Lyric said to herself,

“Easy come, easy go. Nothing lasts forever, nothing matters, and the next

hustle has got to be better than the last. If I get out of this, I gotta make the

hustle tighter. I gotta make it where I work alone from now on. No

outsiders. Nobody but me. No matter how much time I get, I gotta stay

strong. I’m a soldier. This ain’tgon’ kill me. It’sgon’ make me stronger and

better.”

Lyric had no clue connecting with Sasha would bring her to her

Salvation. As her days in jail begin, she started to blame Sasha for what was

happening because she turned out to be a snitch, which will always be

illegal in the game, but little did Lyric know, it was all a part of God’s plan

to save her. A few days passed and she became confused in her thinking.

She didn’t know who to call, who to write, or if she should even dare be bold

enough to pray about what was happening to her. She finally got up the

nerve to call her step-mother, Paris, so she could stay in touch with Lyric’s

public defender. Paris burst into tears when Lyric told her what happened

and she said she would try to help as much as possible. Lyric felt so trapped

and so isolated. She kept feeling in her heart that she needed to pray but

resisted because she thought there was no way God would get her out of

this.

That night when the call came for voluntary lockdown she decided to

go to her cell and pray. Since the feeling to pray wouldn’t go away on it’s

own she decided she would make it go away by giving the Lord a piece of

her confused, distorted, and unholy mind. As the steel door slammed shut

behind her like the bang from a shot gun, she stood in the tiny window of

the cold, eerie, lonely cell, stared at the sky and let Him have it. “Lord, I

have no idea why I’m still here. They don’t have proof I did anything wrong.

I wasn’t caught in the bank and the bank teller can’t ID me because he’s

never met me. He doesn’t even know my real name. I met Alisha two days

before this happened and Sasha has no credibility because she’s on parole

from prison. All I want You to do is let me go home. I didn’t hustle to buy

drugs or to have a bunch of material bullshit; I hustled to get caught up on

my child support which I shouldn’t even be paying and to prevent myself

from working an empty, pointless, never-ending 9-5 job. I know I haven’t

been the best mother but You, of all people, know I’m not the worst. You

know I love my children with all my heart and soul, You know I want them

with me and You know I made a mistake allowing them to live with their

dad. What did You want me to do? I could barely feed them sometimes

because Cain wouldn’t help me financially. I couldn’t get a job because I

didn’t have proper daycare for the girls and you can’t pay for daycare

without a job and you can’t get a job without daycare. My mom was always

saying bad things about me to Cain and that motivated him to keep them

from me. I have been everything other than a child of God to all those

around me.

I have been badly judged ever since I was able to remember. My mom

consistently told me how I would be just like my dad; a thief, a liar and a

user. I’m not like him. I love my children and I want to be there for them. I

didn’t purposely walk away from them because I didn’t want them. I really

couldn’t support them and now You’regonna make me suffer for that? How

do you fight a battle you were born to lose? Do You hate me or something?

Maybe You should, everybody else does. Why are You letting this happen to

me? Let me go home! I want to go home! You have to let me go home.

Please. I won’t survive in here not talking to or seeing my children. Please

let me go.”

Then, through her tears, her anger and the burning desire for

something more, she whispered, “You know what Lord, fuck this. You show

me and I’ll show You. I’m tired now and I’m not gon’ to beg You to do

something I know you won’t do. If You show me that You are real in my life,

I’ll give everything I am to You. This is it! There is nothing left for me to do.

I’m done.” Lyric actually waited for a response as if she was really going to

get one right then and nothing happened. She closed her eyes and dropped

her head and thought about her children. “What will they think of me?

How can I explain this? What if I get sent to prison and Cain never brings

them to see me? What if they resent me because they’re too young to

understand?”

Lyric’s mind kept visualizing all the what- ifs and when she was tired

of all the negative thoughts running through her mind she decided to just

go to sleep. She was exhausted from all the crying and talking and begging.

It wasn’t even dark yet and she was actually going to sleep. In the

meantime, God started working on all the things she had just prayed about

even though Lyric was unaware of it at the time.

During the short time it took her to get to sleep, she remembered the

days before her arrest when she stayed up for three days without sleep

preparing and perfecting the checks. She thought about how she would not

do anything during the day that would take her away from the perfecting

process. No phone calls, no visitors and nothing but fast food to eat so she

wouldn’t have to cook. She literally stayed in front of her computer until she

was totally sure the checks would pass, checking every single detail. She put

herself through hell for something that meant absolutely nothing in the

end. At the time her thought was not that she was trying to retire from

stealing by the time she turned 30, just that she needed to have some

double-digit thousands in the bank that she could eventually turn into

millions through solid investments. Lyric then realized she could have just

found a good job and just saved the money but she also thought about how

if you are clearing $400-1k a day for a few weeks, looking for a real job

becomes simply stupid.

Although Lyric never took money from innocent individuals, she

made it her mission to take money from huge corporations because she

knew they’d never miss what she took and it sounded crazy to most people

but it made perfect sense to Lyric at the time. She felt she could explain to

God stealing from big companies but taking from an individual was totally

out of the question and she figured she didn’t have a chance in hell (no pun

intended) of being forgiven.

Little did she know, sin is sin. There is no sin greater than another.

Morally, sins are weighed differently but not in God’s eyes. Sin is sin.

Period.

2.

The messenger

After Lyric had been incarcerated for about two weeks, an older woman

named Benni came into the pod she was in. Lyric was sitting at a table by

herself and Bennie eventually made her way over to the table and sat down.

She said, “Let me guess, checks.” Lyric didn’t want to disrespect her

because Bennie was her elder so with her head still propped in her hands

Lyric just said, “So they say.” “You don’t have to talk to me now but you will

and when you do, you’ll see.” Lyric looked up at her and said, “See what?”

“What you’ve been looking for; answers.” Another woman joined them at

the table. “Can I sit down?” Lyric gave her this “whatever” look and she sat

down. She was truly a manly looking chick so Lyric readjusted her mindset

to snap on the chick if she said anything that Lyric thought was

inappropriate. “Hey shawty, I know that girl Sasha you was wit. She rolled

on you and the state ‘bout to let her go. She’s in that pod over there wit my

girl and her and the temp turned state against you.” Lyric fought back the

tears with everything in her because she knew this was her fault. In her

mind she thought, “I was right; God ain’tgon’ to let me go and there ain’t a

damn thing I can do about it.” Lyric looked at Benni and then at the girl

and all she could say without bursting into tears was, “It’s all good. They

don’t have enough on me to keep me.” She smiled at Lyric and said, “Keep

ya head up shawty, the only friend you got now is God and He’ll never turn

on you.” Of course since God did not respond to Lyric’s little jail-house

hissy-fit, at this point, the last thing she wanted to hear was anything about

God.

Three weeks had now passed and the girl Lyric shared a cell with was

released along with Sasha and Alisha. Benni asked Lyric to come to her cell

so that she wouldn’t end up with a “crazy”. Lyric had talked to Benni off

and on but she surely did not want to share a cell with a forty-something

gay woman. But something in her spirit told her to go so she did. Since

Lyric was new to the jail scene all she could think about was all the movies

she saw where skinny girls like her got turned out by the Big Bertha chick

so she stayed to herself for the first few nights. When Benni was in the cell,

Lyric made sure to be out of the cell and vice versa. One night after

lockdown Benni said, “God wants you to know He’s with you.” Lyric quickly

turned her nose up and said, “Well if God wants me to know something

how come He doesn’t talk to me Himself? I’m a grown woman; I don’t need

Him to relay messages to me through other people.” “He don’t talk to you

‘cause you don’t listen. He said you need to be quiet, be still and watch Him

move.” Lyric sighed heavily, shook her head and said, “Yeah ok.”

When the lights went out Benni said, “I see you been all distant ‘cause

you think I’m gon’ try you. I know you heard I’m gay. I ain’t even on that.

That lifestyle ain’t for me no more. I had a husband and a girlfriend for

sixteen years. I am divorced now and me and my girl will always be friends

but now it’s time to live my life for God. I’ve done too much bad shit

babygirl and now it’s time to sit it down and enjoy the rest of my life with

my kids and grandbabies. It’s timeout for hustlin’ too. I’ve been to prison

four times, I have three kids, two grandchildren and about a million dollars

waiting on me when I get home. God has His own way of doing things and

He does them in His own time. I never cleared a million dollars while I was

hustlin’ all these years then, low and behold, I go to the grocery store one

day to pick up a few things for dinner and I reached to the back of a shelf to

get a jar of mayo and a box cutter that was left on the top of one of the jars

cut the tendons in my right thumb and I lost the use of it. The grocery store

offered me 1.2 million ‘cause they knew if I took it to court I’d get more than

that. Like a dummy, instead of waiting on the settlement, I still hustled

‘cause I got bills like everybody else and now I’m here but I’ll be home in 30

days or so. Point is; God is Almighty. He can change your whole shit up in a

matter of a few seconds. I lost the use of my thumb but I will never have to

hustle again and I can now fulfill my purpose in ministry and help those

around me with the settlement money instead of with money that I stole.

When He has a calling on your life you have to listen. You can’t keep living

in sin knowing He needs you for something good. That’s the worse way to

torture your soul.

You got two choices; close your mouth and open your ears and heart

to what the Lord is tryin’ to tell you or end up like me. I don’t even know

you but I know hustlin’ is your addiction. You thought poppin’ checks was

easy. You thought it was better than trickin’ or strippin’ or sellin’ dope

right?” Lyric quietly said, “Yeah.” “See babygirl, it’s all the same to Him. Sin

is sin. It don’t matter what you do if what you do is wrong. Feel me?” “Yeah,

I feel you.” Although mentally Lyric was in no mood to hear some old

prison preachin’ chick lecture her about God’s standards, her soul had a

yearning to hear what she had to say, or better yet, what God was saying to

her through Benni. “I’m forty five years old Lyric. I’ve done it all and seen it

all. Everything you are, I’ve already been and everything you will be if you

stay hustlin’, I already am. Baby, don’t wait till you’re my age to want to do

right. If you got the chance now, do it now. God is talking, you just ain’t

listening.” All Lyric could bring herself to say was, “I’m listening now.”

“Yeah, but that’s ‘cause you don’t have a choice. Don’t make Him force you

to listen. Just do it.” “What will God do for me now Benni? I committed a

crime, I’m in jail and worst of all, I’m facing about 15-20 for all my charges

if I’m convicted.” “Don’t you ever doubt the power of God! God is bigger

than any and everything around you. You ain’t going down the road to no

prison. Where you at right now is as close to prison as you gon’ get. Stop

with the bullshit! You’re making excuses not to submit. Satan is a liar and

he will make you believe God won’t or can’t forgive you. Let’s see, King

David was a murderer and an adulterer and the Bible says he was after

God’s own heart. Don’t you dare think God will not change where you are

and what you are going through! Open your Bible and just read. There ain’t

one man in the Bible that was perfect except Jesus, but that was ‘cause He

came to save us. God blessed plenty of folks in the Bible. Read it Lyric, just

read it. Get out that hood mentality cause you ain’t from the hood. You got

something special and you gon’ lose it if you don’t listen. Why do it your

way if your way got you here? Are you listening to me or am I talking to my

damn self?” “I’m listening Benni.” “Then get close to God and let Him lead

you, okay?”“Yeah okay. I feel you. Goodnight Benni.” “Goodnight Lyric.”

Lyric stayed up for a long time trying not to think on all the things

Benni had shared with her but it was hard because it all made sense. It just

seemed to be correct. Since there was no clock on the wall in the pods, she

didn’t remember how long it was silent in the cell but Benni called her

name to see if she was still up. “Lyric, I know you have the ability to see

things in the spirit and I’m going to show you how to tune in on it.” “Let’s

do it tomorrow. I’ve had enough Jesus-talk for one day. And I ain’tno

psychic.” “That’s not what I said dummy! I said I know you have the ability

to see things in the spirit. There is a difference and you don’t talk, you just

listen and see.” In a noticeably unbelieving voice Lyric replied, “Yeah ok

Benni. Go for it.” “I’m going to sing a song and I want you to tune out

everything around you and focus on what you see when you close your eyes.

Don’t speak, don’t think, just see.” All that went through her mind was that

this lady was about to sing some made-up jailhouse hymn that was off key,

out of place for the current situation, and totally unnecessary. Lyric wasn’t

sleepy but she for real did not want this lady singing to her until she fell

asleep. But again she felt a sort of pulling in her spirit to just listen and

when Benni started to sing (and she could actually sing) Lyric slowly closed

her eyes and a few seconds later she saw herself walking down the isle in a

huge church towards the most beautiful man she had ever seen. It was the

most wonderful vision she had ever had and she didn’t even know why she

was having it.

She also saw one other vision concerning one of her children that

made her cry because the vision proved she would have her children with

her again. It actually scared her a little because she didn’t know what was

her own thoughts and desires and what was God. She longed to know if God

was showing her what He would allow her to have if she changed her life.

Although a small part of her was confused, Lyric’s heart became hungry to

know what God really wanted from her. Why would He show her something

that seemed so farfetched from what she was currently going through? And

who the hell would marry her with her criminal background! No man wants

to marry a woman whom he feels he has to constantly watch for fear that

she may steal from him or that he may have to bail her out of jail on a

regular basis because she won’t get a regular job.

The next morning Lyric skipped the 4:30am thing called breakfast

and prayed for God to please tell her what He wanted her to do. She

reminded Him that all He had to do was show her whatever it was He

wanted her to see and she would give Him what He wanted; her life. Later

that day Benni told Lyric to go to the cell when they called voluntary

lockdown and spend some time listening. When she went in, Lyric felt a

desire in her heart to get out a pad and a pen and after a few minutes of just

staring at the paper she begin to pour her heart out. It was the very first

conversation she had with God and it literally changed her life. She called

it: Proof

*Lyric my child, tell me what’s wrong.

“Lord I can’t, I just feel so alone.”

*But why my child when I’ve been here all along?

“I cried out to You Lord but you never answered,

so I just assumed I never fit Your standard

of what a real Christian woman is supposed to be,

living solely by Your Word & being totally free.”

*If I show you I was there will you come to Me,

& give Me the chance to set you free?

“You can have it all, I’m tired, Lord I’m done

It seems I’ve lost more than I’ve won

My home, my life, & even my kids

Everything is gone now, it’s over; that’s it.

All that’s left are these four walls

& a lot of expensive, short collect calls

I’ve even lost Sincere and he was always there

& now Satan makes me feel like no one cares

I hurt him so much & it wasn’t intentional

But everything about me is three-dimensional

So Lord if You show me at least 27 things

In my 27 years that You’ve done for me

I’ll give You my life & let You set me free.”

*Well my child let’s start from the top

when I gave you life from moms and pops (1)

and what about the voice I gave you to sing (2)

you know the one you gave up for material things

you were supposed to be a star in the world of music

yet you took my gift and chose to abuse it

and when your father was gone & Granddaddy was there (3)

who do you think chose him to care?

I’ve blessed you every day with the breath of life

But I won’t even count that just to show you I’m right

Now your beautiful children make six (6) things I’ve done

and that should be enough but I’ll keep on going

You longed for a mother figure so I gave you one (7)

I even gave you Kaden, your unborn son (8)

You got an abortion due to fear and stress

But all you had to do was come and confess

And what about the depression I brought you through (9)

And how I opened doors for you to attend school (10)

You neglected my blessings time & time again

Yet I still gave to you as your Father and your Friend

I blessed you with My prophets to show you I was there (11)

But you chose not to see, you chose not to care

And what about your freedom from your criminal activity (12)

which would cover a city block if I listed them individually

I’ve kept you sheltered, clothed, and fed (13,14,15)

And what about the injury to baby Kori’s head? (16)

I know you remember URS, 40K a year with minimal stress (17)

I even gave you the chance to start your own company (18)

And still My child you refused to come to Me

I provided you with knowledge beyond the norm (19)

So you could help others weather the storm

But you abused all I gave you and still I saved you

Because you are My child, I went the extra mile

Now let’s get back to when Dallas was born (20)

When you were at the hospital alone & torn

I sent Cain there to be by your side (21)

Even though you didn’t love him, had hurt him, & lied

And what about the trips with Sincere you would take

Dropping off drugs in this place and that state? (22)

I watched over you two every single day

And still what I ask is a small price to pay

Oh yeah, the job at the bank that you took advantage of (23)

Or the job with your dad you could have learned to love (24)

And I can’t finish up with mentioning why

I sent you a few angels in human disguise (25)

They served as examples of what I see in you

All that you’ve done & all that you’ll do

And all your court cases were easy to fix

Now if I counted correctly that makes 26

Now number 27 should have been number 1

Lyric My child I gave you My son

He died for your sins, to give you life

So now My child I ask you why

Why would you believe I have ever forsaken you?

For this is something I would never ever do

For all that has happened in your life…

Has happened… because of you…

“Father I’m so sorry for the non-belief

And now from my troubles I desire relief

My love for You was blinded by the world outside

So easy to doubt You yet so hard to hide

So I kneel before You in the sincerest of needs

Will You grow the harvest if I plant the seeds?

I could never afford the price You paid

By giving Your Son to lengthen my days

You can now have my heart, mind, body and soul

And I ask that You forgive me for being so cold

I accept Your Son as my Lord and Savior

And forgive me Father for my sinful behavior

I give You my life; it’s now in Your hand

I’m ready to fit Your standard of a faithful Christian woman.”

It was the first time Lyric had poured out her heart and not lied. Lyric

felt totally liberated and so appreciative that God spoke to her. She cried

silently and told the Lord she was sorry again. Because Lyric had always

been an “emotional bottler” it was very difficult for her to cry so whenever

she shed tears she would always feel the urge to go to sleep because she

became tired after she would cry. Shortly after drifting off to sleep Lyric

heard the cell door pop open and Benni came in to brush her teeth. Lyric

wasn’t sure how, but she had sleep through that thing called dinner and she

didn’t really care because she had plenty of commissary junk food to eat so

she didn’t give a second thought to missing the daily hog feed.

As Benni is brushing she says, “Lyric?” “Yes?” “Have you ever fasted?”

Lyric said yes then laughed. When Benni asked why she laughed Lyric told

her the story of how she learned to fast. “When I was working for my dad’s

limo company…” “Limo company?! Lyric I knew you wasn’t no damn hood

rat! You was on the street ‘cause you chose to be not ‘cause you had to be.

You ain’t never been no chicken-head!” “I ain’t no dumb chick if that’s what

you mean. Anyway, as I was saying before you interrupted me, I was at the

airport one day and some dude came up to me, told me he thought I was a

beautiful girl and asked if he could have my number. It took everything in

me not to laugh in his face because he was much shorter than me and I

won’t say he was ugly ‘cause it ain’t proper but I can tell you he was planets

away from being my type. Anyway because he was from Africa I had to

struggle to make out much of what he said to me ‘cause his accent was

heavy. He told me he was supposed to help me and when I asked him with

what he said, “Everything young lady, everything.” Since the client I was

picking up that day came in late I sat and listened to him talk out of sheer

boredom but he was for real saying some interesting shit.” With her

eyebrow raised Benni said, “Like what?” “Oh you already know he ran some

good game about God, how much money he makes doing limo service and

last but certainly not least, how he knew from the moment he saw me that I

was his wife.

I asked him if he wanted to know how many times in the last month I

had heard that same bullshit and he said he was different and he could

prove it. Even though I knew he was just trying to get in where he fit in, he

was still very knowledgeable about God and I respected that and I knew I

would never marry the nigga but his conversation had substance.

After talking to me for almost 2 hours in the limousine parking lot at

the airport, I told him he could have my number but he couldn’t EVER date

me, kiss me, hold my hand, give me hugs, take me out, or call me after 9pm

and if he even mentioned sex, I wouldn’t talk to him anymore and he

actually said ok.” Benni finished brushing her teeth and sat down on her

bunk. “Damn Lyric! You ain’tgive the man no leeway to get in. I can believe

you told him all that, wityo smart ass mouth!” Lyric laughed and continued.

“He took my number and called me a few days later and believe it or not he

mostly talked to me about God and his fourteen year old daughter. Even

though he called on a regular basis after that, I didn’t always take his call

because I just wasn’t interested in him on a personal level and I made sure

to make that clear so there would be no misunderstanding. One night after

not taking his call for a few days, I picked up and after talking to him for

about 20 minutes or so he said, “Lyric, my dear, do you know what fasting

is?” I was truly a smart ass back then, more so than I am now, so I rudely

said, “Yeah but you ain’tgon’ try to come up in here trying to make me all

holy. I’m too damn skinny to go any length of time without food so we can

just skip that subject.” “No Lyric, we must discuss this because it is vital to

your spiritual health.” “Oh yeah?”

As I let him finish his point I’m thinking to myself, “Is this nigga

serious?” “Yes, my dear Lyric it is extremely vital. You must get in line with

God if you are going to receive His blessings.” Now you know I paused for a

minute. “Yo, if I gotta NOT eat to get in line with God, I might have to pass

on getting in line with Him ‘cause like I said, I’m too skinny to deprive

myself of food.” He laughed and said, “Silly girl, you will learn soon.” “Call

me silly again and you will be connected to what is commonly referred to as

dead air.” “You would hang up on me?” “As sure as the sky is blue.” “My

dear you have so much anger, so much hurt, you must let me help you. I

want you to fast from 6am to 6pm tomorrow and watch how God moves in

your life.” “There you go with that again. What part of I only weigh 134

pounds do you not understand?” “God will sustain you, I promise. What is

wrong with just trying? Drink whatever liquids you want, just do not eat for

12 hours. You will see. You have a gift and you will see.” “Yeak ok. I gotta

go. Hit me up tomorrow after 6pm cause I ain’tgon’ talk to you or anybody

else while I’m doing this.” “Very well my dear. I will call you tomorrow

evening.” “Yeah ok.”

By this time Benni was in tears from laughing so hard. “Damn girl,

you got a smart ass mouth!” Lyric was quiet for a minute because it actually

started to dawn on her what that short fasting lesson did for her. It was

preparation of what was to come in her relationship with God. Still

laughing, Benni said, “Finish the story Lyric.” “My bad, I just had a sidebar

thought. Anyway, I got up at 6am and I prayed for God to get me through

the fast and show me whatever the gift was. I literally went right back to

sleep thinking I could trick God and sleep through not being able to eat but

I woke up about 45 minutes later and I was just laying there thinking about

how stupid I felt. Even though I prayed sometimes, I didn’t pray every night

so I felt kind of funny going to God like that. Man, by the time 12 o’clock

rolled around I felt like my stomach had my back in a choke hold.”

Laughing hysterically Benni stood up and then sat back down on her bunk

and said, “You should turn this shit into a movie. I didn’t know you did

comedy too! Girl, you funny as hell! Keep talking.”

“Well when 3 o’clock came I was near death or at least it felt that way

but I just told myself I wasn’t gon’ quit ‘cause I was curious to know what

God was gon’ do. Since old dude didn’t tell me to read my Bible or say a

chant or something, I started watching the clock and I don’t think time has

ever gone by that slow. It was like I was in a Spike Lee movie, moving all

slow, like I was floating. I started to feel a little sick by the time 4:30 came

but I just couldn’t quit for some reason. I was expecting to feel some type of

holy feeling or a least to have a halo over my head after depriving myself

like that. Since I’m skinny, I’ve always been able to eat whatever I want

without gaining a lot of weight so to not eat was like torture.

Since I had become weak I told my self I was going to order a pizza

cause there was no way I was gon’ cook. I tried to do things like watch TV

but you already know what that was like. I think I saw a commercial for

every restaurant in Georgia. I tried to sleep again but I couldn’t because it

was like I was supposed to be awake, like God wasn’t gon’ let me cheat and

sleep through it. I ordered the pizza about 5:30, thinking I had timed it

perfectly since it would take about 20-25 minutes to get to me and of course

they called and said they would be late and I wouldn’t get it until about

6:45. When they asked me if I still wanted the pizza I said yes and laid

down on my bed in total disgust because I felt like I was being tortured.

When 6 o’clock came I prayed to God and I just sat there on my knees for a

few minutes because I can’t explain how I felt but I knew something was

different. I passed the feeling off as weakness from not eating and laid back

down on my bed until my food came. I stayed up late that night looking for

God’s miracle or revelation of my gift and I got nothing. I didn’t know it

would a gift that had to be perfected and I can only assume I must have

needed to do it more than once because nothing happened or maybe I did it

wrong or something. Who knows? I just thought I would know right then

and there and it didn’t happen like that.”

Benni was quiet for so long Lyric thought she had fallen asleep. Then

she softly said, “Lyric, girl you can’t even imagine what God is gon’ do in

your life. I feel like I’m listening to myself talk. You are so much like me it’s

ridiculous. God always has a way of pulling things and people together to

get and keep our attention. Lyric, I’m telling you now, you better write this

shit down cause just like God brought me to you, He’s gon’ bring you to

somebody else. You hear me?” “I hear you Benni.” “Babygirl you got more

than one talent. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard. I know

you ain’t the sharing type ‘cause I can feel in my spirit that you only sharing

the surface shit in your life wit me but there’s gon’ be somebody who will

learn from what you been through. I’m never gon’ forget you. You are good

babygirl and what you saw in your vision is what God is gon’ give you. God

will make it where that man loves you for who you are. He won’t care about

this part of your life because he will love the new you and respect the old

you.” Lyric fought really hard but she couldn’t hold back the tears. “How

did you know?” “Cause you long to be in love. You always on the defensive

‘cause you feel you gotta protect your heart. You got three kids and you

been married but you don’t know what real love is.” Through her tears Lyric

quietly said, “I’m not sure I want to know.” “Oh babygirl, you won’t have a

choice. The man you saw is the one. The only one. The only man you will

ever truly love.”

Lyric was quiet because she hated crying and she figured if she didn’t

say anything else Benni would just shut up but she continued. “I see right

through you ‘cause I use to be you. You want to be married again ‘cause you

love the idea of having a family. You ain’t close to your family are you?”

“No.” “I can tell. You have barely used the phone since I’ve been here, you

don’t get mail, and I never see you writing anybody. God will continue to

isolate you until you get it. He has sent you people to help you along the

way but you keep turning them away. What happened to the limo guy? You

still talk to him?” “No.” “Why?” “When he started in on the wifey thing

again I cut him off.” “Stop being a loner Lyric. I ain’t saying you shoulda

married the nigga but you are worthy to be taken care of. Let go and love

someone other than your children. Okay?” “Yeah ok.” “Start with God, then

yourself, then your children.” “I feel you Benni.”

The conversation ended with more revelation than Lyric could

handle. Although she was afraid to ask, she sincerely wondered how Benni

knew what was in her vision because Lyric didn’t verbally share it with her.

Lyric’s mind soon became clouded with thoughts of all the times she may

have missed God trying to show her something. She thought about all the

nice guys she kicked to curb and the 7 idiots she kept and never had a real

relationship with.

Christmas Day came and sometime that afternoon an officer called

for Benni to pack her things. Lyric was happy that Benni would get to spend

Christmas with her family. Although Lyric didn’t celebrate Christmas (for

religious and personal reasons), she still wondered what her children were

doing and if they were thinking of her. Before Benni left she gave Lyric a

hug and told me, “Stay quiet Lyric. It’s the only way to hear the Lord. Talk

to Him and then listen. I promise He’ll listen then He’ll speak. The longer

you wait the longer you stay here.” Lyric didn’t know what the last part

meant but she wished Benni well and prayed for her when she left. Benni

had successfully created a place in Lyric’s heart as an angel in disguise, her

messenger, her example of what she would become if she didn’t change her

life. Lyric did not see it at the time but God had begun to deal with her in a

special way because there would be many examples of ordinary women

with an extraordinary love for God who were sharing a jail-house

experience.

It soon began to weigh heavily in her spirit to stop judging other

people. Despite the fact that all the women there were ultimately in jail,

they all came with their own stories of grace, mercy and deliverance from

God and He longs for us to totally submit to Him so that He can use us to

fulfill His purpose. Lyric couldn’t help but to continuously think about the

fact that Benni knew what she had seen in the vision and that Benni knew

God would allow her to have it. Just thinking about it got her teary so she

quickly put the vision on the back-burner so that she wouldn’t cry again.

The county jail started to become a place of release for her. Lyric had never

cried, laughed or analyzed her life the way she did while she was there. God

was using whatever He chose to put her in a place of rest and restoration

because He knew she could not truly have one without the other. Lyric also

thought about how Benni let her know that the problem wasn’t what was

going on around her but that she was the problem.

It was time to listen and that was exactly what Lyric started to do. She

had a lot to think about and even more to act on. There was no way she was

going to miss the Blessings Boat this time. Although Lyric had no idea it

would be a process, she still knew she needed to completely immerse

herself in the Lord because not only was He listening to her wants and

needs, He was actually responding to her prayers. Maybe not in the way

Lyric wanted Him to but it was definitely a start.

3.

The miracle

Shortly after Benni left Lyric started reading the Bible trying to figure out

why God felt being in jail was what He needed to use to get her attention.

She thought maybe there would be an example of what she was going

through somewhere in Bible. She had already gone to court and pleaded not

guilty to the initial four charges of Printing/Executing/and Negotiating

Drafts or Checks. She didn’t speak to her attorney often so she didn’t know

what her next move would be but she knew she had to fulfill her purpose in

jail to be set free. She now knew her time there was about her spiritual

growth not just about a crime. While she was thumbing through her Bible

she heard someone scream her name. “Lyric! You got mail shawty!” She

quickly went to the cell door to get the letter but her excitement quickly

weakened. She had hoped it would be a letter from a relative but instead it

was a summons stating she was going to court January 7th for child support.

She thought to myself, “This shit is going from bad to worse.” Lyric just

could not understand how Cain could take her to court to send her to jail if

she was already in jail.

Her court date seemed to come quickly and it felt so bizarre standing

before a judge telling her the very reason she was in jail was because she

was hustlin’ to pay her child support. The judge was already irritated with

Cain because they had gone before her a few times before and he had made

many accusations against her that proved to be lies. “Ms. James”, she asked

with this disgusted look on her face, “When will you be released from jail?”

“I don’t know. My attorney says we go back to court in three weeks.” She

looks over at Cain and says, “Well Mr. James, looks like you’ll have to come

back and get another court date in about three weeks. And even then, there

is no guarantee she will get out of jail. With charges like these it will take

some time before she is released. Weeks, maybe months and if she is

convicted it could be years before you get back in my courtroom.”

Lyric would never forget the look on her face. Although the judge was

clearly unhappy with fact that she was in jail, she seemed pleased with the

fact that she made him look like a fool in her courtroom. “Is there anything

else Mr. James?” “Your honor, she’s not going to pay, she…” “Of course

she’s not going to pay, she’s incarcerated. Good day sir.” And just like that it

was over. Lyric had waited in a cell below the courthouse for almost six

hours to be in court roughly ten minutes when her case was called.

According to the clock right outside of the holding cell under the

courthouse, another three hours went by before she got back to the pod and

when she got back she just thanked God the judge didn’t sentence her to

any time for not paying her child support. It was bad enough not knowing

when or if she was going to be released on the current charges but to be

sentenced for not paying child support would have added fuel to the fire.

A young lady named Selina was on the phone crying when Lyric came

back from court. She didn’t think much of it at first since women in jail cry

all the time for various reasons. Its jail, that’s definitely something to cry

about. Anyway, Selina weighed heavily in Lyric’s spirit and she didn’t know

why. She didn’t even know her. Lyric thought that maybe she could just

pray for her but when she did something in her spirit said to ask Selina’s

cell mate what was wrong with her so she did. Crissy, her cell mate, told

Lyric Selina was crying because her three year old son had to have his legs

amputated from the knee down and she was so hurt because she felt it was

her fault for doing drugs while she was pregnant with him. He’d had health

issues from birth and was diagnosed some sort of infection and the doctors

told her mother if they didn’t remove his legs the infection would spread.

Lyric immediately went to her cell and stood in the window and asked

God what He wanted her to do. She had no clue why she needed to hear

what she’d just heard about a chick she didn’t even know but she felt the

need to do something. Lyric thought about her own children and how if she

heard something like that while she was in jail she may have had a nervous

breakdown. Lyric didn’t know much at all about fasting except what she

learned from the limo guy she had met but she told God she would try it if it

would help. Lyric prayed He would bless Selina’s son and show her if she

was on the right path in trying to help him. She fasted from sun up to sun

down for three days. One day for every year of Terris’s life. Selina stayed in

her cell for two days without eating or sleeping. Sometimes Lyric would

walk by her cell and see her just staring out of the tiny window.

The fast became extremely complicated during the second day. Lyric

had dedicated herself to strictly water from 4:30am to 6:30pm. Since most

of her days in jail consisted of eating and sleeping she literally felt like she

was starving herself but she was determined to get through it to help this

woman’s son. On the third day Selina still had not come out of her cell.

Lyric didn’t understand. She figured Selina had been praying and maybe

even fasting too since it was her son but Lyric’s fast was almost over. She

had prayed and read the Bible all throughout the day and she still hadn’t

heard anything about the boy. Something had to be wrong. It was 6:30pm,

her fast ended and she even didn’t know if he was okay or not. When

mandatory lockdown came Lyric told her new cell mate, Ms. Carline how

disappointed she was. Carline was the only one who knew of the fast

because Lyric had told her what happened to Selina’s son. “Don’t worry

Lyric, God will reward you when he’s ready and how He chooses.” “When

He’s ready?! I need for that boy to be healed before his surgery! Maybe I did

something wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you about my fast. The Bible

says you’re not supposed to tell everybody about it. Maybe God won’t honor

it because I didn’t really know what I was doing in the first place. Maybe I

didn’t pray right.” “Maybe you just need to eat and get some sleep. Maybe

you need to get a better understanding of how the Lord works. He will

never do things on your time but He will always be on time. Just pray about

it before you go to sleep and He’ll work it out.”

Lyric was literally crushed. She took her Bible and through it on the

top bunk. “Well Ms. Carline, maybe you’re right. I guess there wasn’t

anything I could really do anyway. I mean I don’t expect God to give me

anything with everything I’ve done. I just wanted to help.” She sighed

heavily and climbed on her bunk. “Goodnight Ms. Carline.” “Goodnight

Lyric, and stop worrying.”“Oh my God!” Lyric whispered in a faint voice.

“What L, what!” Carline yelled. Lyric climbed back down and gave Carline

her Bible. “When I threw my Bible on the bunk it opened up here.” She

leaned hard up against the cold concrete cell wall in disbelief. Her Bible

had fell open to Mark chapter nine.

Mark 9:14-29

And when He came to the disciples, He saw a great multitude around

them, and scribes disputing them. Immediately, when they saw Him, all

the people were greatly amazed, and running to Him, greeted Him. And

He asked the scribes, “What are you discussing with them?” Then one of

the crowd answered and said, “Teacher, I brought You my son, who has a

spirit. And whoever seizes him, it throws him down; he foams at the

mouth, gnashes his teeth, and becomes rigid. So I spoke to your disciples

that they should cast it out, but they could not. He answered him and said,

“O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I

bear with you? Bring him to Me.” Then they brought him to Him. And

when he saw Him, immediately the spirit convulsed him, and he fell on the

ground and wallowed, foaming at the mouth.

So He asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?”

And he said, “From childhood. And often he has thrown him into the fire

and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, have

compassion on us and help us.” Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all

things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the father of the

child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”

When Jesus saw that the people came running together, He rebuked

the unclean spirit, saying to it, “Deaf and dumb spirit, I command you,

come out of him and enter him no more!” Then the spirit cried out,

convulsed him greatly, and came out of him. And he became as one dead,

so that many said, “He is dead.” But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted

him up and he rose. And when He had come into the house, His disciples

asked Him privately, “Why could we not cast it out?” So He said to them,

“This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.”

Lyric had absolutely no idea what to say, think, or feel at that moment

so she quietly got back on her bunk and thanked God and spent the next

few minutes trying to figure out what just happened. The next morning she

was anxious to see if her Bible-throwing incident was just coincidence or if

Terris was really healed.

Lyric got up for breakfast (if that’s what you want to call it) and she

didn’t see Selina so she decided to wait until the afternoon. Sure enough,

Selina was on the phone with her mom when Lyric came out of the cell from

her afternoon nap. Lyric waited at the table near the phones to see if she

could hear any change in Selina’s voice, yet all she heard was sniffling. Lyric

put her head down on the table and then she heard a scream. It wasn’t loud

but she clearly heard it and she looked up to see if it was Selina and it was.

She was ecstatic. Selina held her head down and started thanking God for

healing her son. Lyric walked over and asked if everything was okay and

Selina looked so happy. “My mother took Terris for his final check-up

before the surgery and he didn’t have to have the surgery because the

infection was gone. I have to go to my cell and repent because I was so

upset with God for allowing this to happen and even through my anger He

still healed my son.”

Lyric didn’t tell Selina she had fasted for Terris but it was

confirmation that God was talking now and Lyric was actually paying

attention. Well, kinda. When Selina went upstairs to go to her cell she

turned around and looked at Lyric before she went in. Lyric smiled at her

and Selina smiled back but had this odd look on her face. In a kind,

peaceful voice she said, “It’s you. You’re the reason I came back.” “Came

back from where?” Lyric said, confused. “We’ll talk later,” Selina said and

went into her cell. Lyric tried not to think too much on what was said to her

but she couldn’t help it because she felt like things were about to get real

interesting.

The next day Selina came and sat at a table with Lyric and told her

God said Lyric was her assignment. She was something called a Trustee in

the jail and she said she quit because she had never been worked as if she

was a slave and she wasn’t about to start just because she was locked up.

“Girl, I didn’t work that hard on the street so I’ll be damned if I let a damn

jail officer work me like a Hebrew slave. I don’t know how I’m gon’ shorten

my time now but God will work it out if I do what He wants me to do.” Lyric

hadn’t learned the jail vocabulary yet so she asked, “What’s a Trustee?” “It’s

where you work for the jail to get 2 for 1. You work one day but get credit

for two. I have a year left but being a trustee gives me six months. Anyway,

are you listening now Lyric?” “Listening to what?” “God.” Lyric was quiet

for a long time and had a blank look on her face. She couldn’t bear to

acknowledge the fact that Selina knew something she shouldn’t know so

Lyric changed the subject by saying, “Does it take a long time for you to

apply to be one of those trustee people. And do they take their time sending

you up there once you have been approved to be one?” Selina smiled. “See,

that’s where faith comes in. I needed to quit so I could be here with you but

He’ll send me back when it’s time.” She said it so confidently that Lyric

couldn’t help but be amazed at her faith in what God would do for her if she

obeyed.

Selina got up from the table and that was it. Lyric let her walk away

even though she had what seemed like a million questions. Why would God

make her someone’s assignment? How the hell was that going to get her out

of jail? And last and most importantly, was being Selina’s assignment

Lyric’s reward for fasting for her son? As more days passed Lyric begin to

analyze things again. She started to see how God was building the road to

her Salvation but she still found it hard to submit when she didn’t know

what lay ahead. She thought about that strange day back in November

when one of the inmates came up to her and Benni while they were sitting

at one of the tables and asked Lyric if she was saved. Benni looked at Lyric

to see her reaction. Lyric raised her eyebrows and said, “Define saved.”

Marie, who was a short, skinny white chick who obviously had been

through a lot in her life, kindly said to Lyric, “Have you given your life to

Jesus?” “To Jesus or to God?” “Well sweetie they’re actually one in the

same. The Bible says you cannot get to the Father unless you come through

the Son.” “I haven’t gotten that far yet so I guess the answer would be no.”

“What’s your name?” “It’s L.” “No sweetie, what’s your name?” Clearly

irritated, Lyric said, “I know you heard me the first time.” “Ok fine. Would

you like for me to say the prayer of salvation with you?” Lyric raised her

eyebrow again. “You can but I ain’t about to say a prayer that will commit

me to wearing church hats and skirts for the rest of my life cause I promise

you it ain’t happening.” Benni had this look on her face as if she couldn’t

wait to see Marie’s reaction. “Well L. What you wear is a personal choice.

God wants you as you are. Hold on honey, let me get my Bible.”

As she walked away Benni calmly said, “Watch.” “Watch what?” “How

she gon’ struggle. You are blessed Lyric. Just watch and see.” When Marie

came back with her Bible she kneeled down in front of Lyric and took her

hand, bowed her head and began to pray. Immediately she started

stuttering and it seemed as if she could barely make it through the prayer.

Out of respect Lyric let her finish but her facial expression could be read

from a million miles away. “You are officially saved L. Now you can do the

work God has for you.” Lyric nodded her head as a thank you and Marie

took her Bible and went over to another table to talk to another young lady

who had just come into the pod. Oddly enough, Marie didn’t stutter one bit

when she said the same prayer with the next chick.

As Lyric glanced over at Benni she smiled and had that “I told you so”

look on her face. “Lyric, always remember that you should never try to save

someone else before you save yourself. Saving others isn’t what gets you to

Heaven, serving others is what gets you there. Even Jesus came to serve,

not to be served. People recognize the God in you which is why they are so

drawn to you.” “How can people recognize God in me when I barely know

Him?” “Doesn’t matter. Haven’t you had people tell you there’s just

something about you?” “Yeah I have.” “Well babygirl, that’s what it is. You

are destined to become a Godly woman. You just choosin’ to do it the hard

way. Everything that happens in your life is training not torture. Believe it

or not all this is in God’s plan for your future with Him.” Lyric was quiet

because she could not figure out how this was preparation for anything God

had for her but the hunger in her soul just wouldn’t allow her to put it on

the back-burner anymore.

As Lyric shook herself out of memory mode she came to the

realization that all the women she was in the pod with would play some sort

of role in her life, even if it was just based on observing how they reacted to

their circumstances and how they applied their beliefs in their tribulation.

As she scanned the pod looking at all the prostitutes, drug addicts and

ghetto warriors, she began to see mothers, daughters and believers. She saw

women from all walks of life and how God used them as vessels for her to

get onto a path of righteousness. She took a deep breath and just took it all

in. Lyric then began to meditate on how God brought to her to her lowest

point to help her reach her highest peak. It was shocking to know God

thought enough of her to take the time to assign people to her to get her to

realize her full potential in Christ. Lyric could actually feel the hunger in her

beginning to grow. The words “God wants you as you are” began to linger

inside Lyric repeating itself over and over again.

She sat at the table for a few more minutes and as she was getting up

the news came on the television. When they called for voluntary lockdown

she decided to stay out because she wanted to see the sports highlights

because she loved football. Many of the women thought it was strange that

Lyric stayed out because she was always in her cell so they began to flock to

the table she was sitting at. She quickly moved to a table closer to the

television so she could hear better and but never even got to watch the news

because she got flooded with questions about why she was there and what

charges she had. She didn’t talk much to any of them but it was funny to her

how they all said the same thing about her. None of them could believe she

was there because she looked like some corporate chick who wore business

suits and hills.

Isn’t it funny how when we judge people we can be so wrong

sometimes? Lyric thought about how she looked like the very thing she

hustled so hard to stay away from; that corporate image. She was seen as a

little spoiled brat with a valley-girl attitude and a mouth to match it. She

wasn’t purposely coming off that way but her guard had been up for so long

it was on auto-pilot. As she was flooded with question after question she

realized that this experience was only going to be a stepping stone into her

destiny just as Benni had said. Although Lyric tired quickly of all the

inquires about her life and crimes, she took to heart that some of them

weren’t just being nosey, some of them just wanted to know her. And of

course there’s always a chick that’s the Billy-bad-ass of the pod who has to

try to fight every female inmate who looks at her wrong and gets upset

when she’s not getting all the attention, as in this case. This chick was

yelling at someone sitting near the TV and since it is a natural human

reaction to look in that direction when you hear someone screaming at

another individual, Lyric looked that way not knowing the chick was

already looking at her. “What the fuck are looking at?” she yelled. In the

calmest voice Lyric could find she said, “I’m not looking at you, I’m looking

through you.” As all the woman around her laughed, the chick came over

near the table and stood in about 10 feet in front of her. The only thing that

separated them was a big blue plastic chair that was in a row of chairs used

for sitting in the day area of the pod.

Although Lyric was afraid at first she didn’t flinch because she knew

the girl would feed off her fear and possibly hit her. This chick definitely

looked like she would have ripped Lyric a new asshole. “Can you see

through me now bitch? I hate bitches like you. You ain’tno better than the

rest of us. You probably in here on some bullshit anyway. You ain’tno

gangsta bitch. You ain’t even jail material. Get up bitch so we can get it

poppin’ up in here. I’ll show you what gangsta really is!”

As Lyric contemplated whether or not she really wanted to fight this

woman, she somehow felt if she didn’t fight her she would get tested by

every other chick who felt like she punked out. So in the same calm voice

Lyric raised her eyebrows and said, “Oh yeah? Well, do what you do. You

look real good talking all that shit from the other side of that chair.” Lyric

waited a few seconds because she just knew the chick was going to leap over

that chair and drill her but to her surprise the girl just kept talking. “If you

want me bitch come and get me. I’m going down the road anyway. I ain’t

got shit to lose on a bitch like you. Hit me! Hit me!” It was at this point that

Lyric figured out that the girl wasn’t going to start the fight,she just wanted

to finish it. Lyric knew is she hit the chick first she would receive another

charge to add to the four she already had. This was a clear case of misery

loves company and Lyric simply refused to play into it. She smiled at the

chick and then politely turned around to the table and said to the few

women who were sitting there, “As I was saying…”

Since all the women had gotten quiet because they were expecting to

see a fight, you could hear nothing but the TV and when Lyric turned back

around to the table everyone laughed hysterically and went back to their

conversations as if nothing happened. The girl stood there for a few seconds

as if she was waiting for Lyric to say something else but when Lyric ignored

her as if she wasn’t even there she eventually went and sat down. You could

clearly tell Lyric had embarrassed her and although Lyric was relieved she

didn’t have to fight her, she knew in her heart she would have fought like

her life depended on it if the girl had hit her.

A few minutes later when an officer called for mandatory lockdown all

the women at Lyric’s table asked her if she would pray before they went in

for the night. Lyric was shocked! She had never prayed in public before and

she felt uncomfortable being on the spot like that. She didn’t know who it

was but a voice came from behind her and said, “Come on L. Please say the

prayer. Just speak from your heart.” Lyric didn’t turn around to see who

said it because women were walking up to get in a circle to pray. A young

lady named Tasha came up and grabbed her hand and Lyric joined hands

with the woman next her. Tasha said, “L, it’s preparation. You’ll be doing

this all the time real soon.” Lyric smiled and all the women put their heads

down. She had no idea where to even begin so she paused for a few seconds.

“Heavenly Father, we come to You in prayer to ask that You cover each of

us here tonight so that we may rest well and wake up renewed in Your

Spirit. I know we are all gathered here in an unlikely place of worship but I

ask that You bless us in our efforts not our condition. Jail is just a building,

not a lifestyle.”

As she continued to pray Lyric could hear sniffles from those who had

started to cry. “I pray Father that You will bless our children. Give them the

comfort they need to cope with being without us. I pray that You will

continue to minister to each of us here so that we can live out our destiny in

Your will for our lives. Continue to be our Shepherd and let none of us

stray. Father if You can save me I know You can save everyone here. I pray

that You will reveal Yourself to all of us so that we will not be the same

person we were when we came into this jail. Form a protective hedge

around us and allow us to make the most of our time with You here. Let

none us leave You here when we are free. Let us not judge one another but

be sisters in Christ. I pray that You will remove the spirit of addiction,

prostitution, neglect and anything else in us that is not of Your will. Father

all that I have prayed, I pray in the name of Your Son Jesus Christ. Amen.”

Lyric looked up and no one moved. Everyone said Amen but they were still

standing there in the circle, some quiet and others crying. She bowed her

head again and closed her eyes to meditate on what she had said or rather

what God said through her because she could have never said those things

on her own.

The main pod door popped open and the guard came in and told

everyone it was time to go in. She smiled at Lyric as she checked all doors as

all the inmates went in. When she got to Lyric’s door she door she said,

“Make sure you really take Him with you when you leave.” Lyric smiled and

nodded her head in agreement and went in the cell. As she laid down she

thought about how she had grown up around a family of Jehovah’s

Witnesses, had even gone to the Kingdom Hall many times and yet still did

not have a personal relationship with God and then one day, November 6,

2003 to be exact, she goes to jail and there He is, waiting for her. Her

thoughts were in no way disrespecting that religion, she was just

remembering how she was in that particular religious environment for

much of her youth and did not personally know God. Although Lyric had

attended a few jail-house church services, she came to the realization that

God is not about attendance at a church or any other religious organization.

For her particular circumstances it became about her just getting to know

God as a divine entity.

Lyric stared at the ceiling meditating on all the things she knew she

wanted to accomplish in her life. She also thought a lot about Selina and

Terris and how bad Selina must have felt not being able to be there for him.

Eventually she drifted off to sleep so that the night would pass, a new day

would come, and she would be one step closer to going home. Maybe.