Fred KofmanO N M A N A G I N G C O N F L I CT

But it doesn’t have to be di�cult if we approach it with

Most of us are uncomfortable having conversations around conflict.

THE RIGHT TOOLSTHE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND

FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

The wrong frame of mind: I want to win, and I want you to lose.

But there’s no such thing as “winning” a fight in a relationship.

The moment you’re fighting, you’ve already lost.

FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Instead, look at conflict as coming together to solve a problem.

This framing dissolves90% of the animosity.

FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Almost any conflict conversation can be resolved if you pursue these 4 goals:

Listen and understand what the other person thinks

and feels.

Explain your own thoughts, so the other

person understands where you’re coming from.

Discuss if there’s a way to come together with

mutual benefit.Once you agree on something, make commitments and

get it done.

1

2

3

4

FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

How you listen in a conflict conversation is key. Follow these steps:

BE QUIETListen quietly without interrupting and pay attention

ENCOURAGE THEMNod, smile, and follow along as you listen

CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDINGSummarize what you heard in 1 or 2 short phrases, and ask if you got it right

VALIDATE THEIR REASONINGAcknowledge that you now understand their point of view

FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

HOW YOU SPEAK ALSO AFFECTS YOUR CONFLICT

Begin with an “I” statement to show

it’s your opinion that you’re sharing

BEGIN WITH I

Explain your reasoning, or why

you believe it

Explain

Propose your idea or solution

Propose

Ask what they think about it

ASK

FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Conflicts may require some negotiation. Try this:

Negotiate for what really matters to you, rather than around a “position.”

Good negotiators find ways to give the other person what they really want—without necessarily giving them what they originally asked for.

FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

The most important part of negotiation happens before you begin. Prepare for possible outcomes with “BATNA”:

ESTLTERNATIVEO AEGOTIATEDGREEMENT

BATNA

Ask yourself what’s the best you can do without the cooperation of the other person. What will you do if you cannot agree? What can you do on your own?

FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Agreements without commitment are worthless.So make a commitment.

Discuss who’s going to do what... and by when.

FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

WATCH NOW

O N M A N A G I N G C O N F L I CT

Watch Fred’s in-depth course

to see these tips in action. Available exclusively on LYNDA.COM