framework for transformative coaching conversations - aisne.org · web viewthe use of the word...

Framework for Transformative Coaching Conversations Abigail Wiebenson, Certified Leadership Coach, [email protected]

I. Growth Mindset: Intentionally Showing Up

o Showing up Physically Breathing Information receptors Hydration Posture

o Showing up Emotionally/Socially: Rules of engagement: Assume positive intent, Respect confidentiality Practice curiosity: all ideas count; Suspend judgement; Be OK with raggedy and messy Normalize discomfort; Speak up for Ouch! moments Value silence;

o Showing up Mentally 4 Objectives : provoke learning, interrogate reality,

develop relationships, tackle tough challenges Principles of Improv Theatre : all ideas count; yes…

and, make your partner look goodo Other Considerations:

Racial Autobiography; Core Values; Resources

II. A Culture of Compassionate Curiosity: Question/Listen/Assess/Respond

o EQ: Emotional Intelligence o Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs o Acknowledgement and Validation o Positive Listening: to and for

6 kinds: information, background, buy-in, venting, coaching, completing the past

Role of Formative and Summative Staying in the moment Awareness of Pronouns Use of Parking Lot Letting go of the outcome Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD) Impact of negative listening: inquisition; fixit;

autobiographical; judgement/criticismo Open-ended questions

Choreography: Code Switching and Recalibration Intent: Connect; Decide; Create; Lead TMMAT (Tell Me More About That) What should we start?... stop?... keep on doing? What’s another way to look at this? What’s going well? What could go better? What have we learned? What else? Folio Collaborative Questions

III. Tools, Techniques & Protocols: Doing the Work

o 7-38-55 : words-tone-everything elseo Macro/Micro-Aggression Awarenesso 7 Energy levels : victim, anger, responsibility, compassion,

possibility, intuition, brillianceo Energy blockers . GAILs: gremlins, assumptions,

interpretations, limiting beliefs o Getting Stuff Done (GSD) wheel : listen, clarify, debate,

decide, persuade, execute, learno Pivotal Conversations. 10 steps: state the issue, 1-2

examples, emotions, what’s at stake, own responsibility, desire to resolve, invite response, discuss, learnings, agreed-upon action plan

o SMARTE Planning . Specific, Measureable, Achievable, Reasonable, Equity-sensitive

o Delegation tree (root, trunk, branch, leaf)o “Taking the pulse” techniques : Scaling; Museum walk;

Venn Diagram; Magic Wand, Walk-arounds. o Macro-aggression and Micro-aggression Awareness

IV. Debrief and Follow-up: Yourself and Others

During a conversation Use of silence Employing elements of Quadrants I. II. and III. Personality types: Doers, Thinkers, Feelers

At the culmination of a conversation Process observer Resolutions/action plan Exit ticket: triangle/square/circle Round robin: one thing you’re going away with

Self-Reflection after the conversation Emotional wake Ratio of talking to listening Timing Patterns, underlying conundrums, unconscious

bias Follow-up conversation

“After thoughts” email Face-to-face within a few days Check-in Debriefing Questions

© Abigail Wiebenson, Leadership Coaching and Consulting, 2018, All Rights Reserved

Racial Autobiography*

We are shaped by many influences. Among them are our gender, our religion, our wealth, how old we are, our intelligence, the make-up of our family and our education. In the history of our country, race has created enormous and profound inequity and heartache. It’s shifted populations and had huge influence over the local and national economy, politics and education. It’s prompted moral outrage and courageous action. Directly and indirectly race fundamentally affects who we are, what we believe and how we conduct our lives.

The questions below invite you to examine how you’ve been influenced in how you see the world and conduct your life. This is not about judgement; it’s about awareness. Set aside a quiet, uninterrupted time for self-reflection as you respond to each question. Let them guide your thinking wherever that takes you. Write down what comes up in a way that makes sense. Include relevant memories and ideas. Once you are done, you should have insight and information that influence how you lead and respond to conversations that involve race. Don’t hesitate to return repeatedly to the questions and add more thoughts.

There are no right answers; race is an area of personal experience in which we are always growing. Honor your honest and often uncomfortable reflections and revelations that draw from your upbringing, beliefs and experiences. All of these influence the conversations you have, the relationships you form, how you listen, how you behave. Your responses also help to uncover and highlight important data about race in your school experience; these give you opportunities to evaluate and create ways of going forward.

Do you think of yourself as a member of a particular race? Or races? Do you think of yourself as part of an ethnic group? Write what comes to mind.

What was the racial makeup of the schools you have attended, including college? Of the people who taught you? Of other people who influenced your learning? Think about the problems you solved, the science experiments you did, the plays you read, the studies you referenced, the histories you memorized, the teams on which you played, the clubs you joined.

In your schooling, did you read mostly white authors, or authors of color? Did you study mostly white historical figures, or important people of color from history? Were the experiences of people of color reflected in your classrooms, or did those classrooms mostly reflect “white” experiences? Feel free to write at length about any or all of these questions.

In your current school, what is the racial makeup of your colleagues? What have learned from them?

How do you think about race and context in your role at your school? How does the architecture – the layout, the design of the buildings, what’s on the walls, the

furniture, etc. -- of your school invite a feeling of racial belonging? What have you noticed? What role have you played directly or indirectly in your school’s curriculum so that race is

intentionally represented and talked about? What work still needs to be done? What part will you play?

What's the most meaningful experience you've had in your school regarding race? What was your position in that encounter? Did you have occasion to feel threatened, whether in the minority or “privileged”? How did you feel emboldened, supported, encouraged, validated, appreciated?

What else comes to mind? * Adapted from teacher/administrator Christian Starling and G.E Singleton’s Courageous Conversations About Race


Annotated Resources

Below is a selection from the multitude of valuable resources that discuss various facets of leadership capability and capacity. There’s space at the end to add your own favorites.

Hard Conversations Unpacked , Jennifer Abrams. There is practical information and useful guidelines in this readable volume.

The Art of Coaching Teams , Elena Aguilar. This is an invaluable encyclopedia of the facets of team interaction and leadership written by one who knows.

A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas; The Book of Beautiful Questions: The Powerful Questions That Will Help You Decide, Create, Connect and Lead, by Warren Berger. The titles speaks for themselves. Rationale and SO many examples.

Rising Strong , Dare to Lead, Brene Brown. Anything by Brene is worth reading. Her ability to help us realize how vulnerability is an asset is reassuring in practical ways. Her TED talk is a quick way to experience her style and wisdom.

The Culture Code , Daniel Coyle. Understanding the context of a school plays an important part in leadership.

Rosetta Lee’s website : tiny.cc/rosettalee. This is a vast collection of her talks and resources, everything you might want to think about regarding equity and inclusion. She works out of the Seattle Girls’ School in the state of Washington and is both brilliant and accessible. Her words and ideas are so valuable.

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success , Carol Dweck. A classic for understanding the how, what and why of maintaining an open mind. She also writes cogently about the consequences of overbearing parents

Emotional Intelligence , Daniel Goleman. Anything he writes is worth reading. This classic reminds of the importance of hydration and what a bully really is.

Mindfulness for Beginners, Jon Kabat-Zinn. He’s the king of mindfulness. Read anything he writes; it’s all useful and accessible.

Brain Rules by John Medina. Knowing how brains work has a powerful influence on how we lead. His 12 principles are well described and documented.

To Sell is Human , Dan Pink. While anything by Dan is worth reading, this one speaks well to some basic techniques including scaling and improv theatre.

Project Zero materials. Anything by Ron Ritchhart is worth reading to better understand the value of thinking routines in our work with students and one another.

Leadership Freak , Dan Rockwell’s blog. He writes 240 words about three times a week about coaching. His examples and language are invaluable “vitamins” of leadership know-how. Dan’s topics are often uncannily relevant and timely.


School Reform Initiative is the source for Critical Friends Groups with many helpful protocols for running efficient and productive meetings of all types.

Energy Leadership , Bruce Schneider. His is the source for energy levels and GAILs. He is the founder of IPEC Coaching.

Fierce Conversations , Susan Scott. This is a must-have book for understanding key aspects of leadership coaching including emotional wake, pivotal conversations, delegation and beach ball awareness.

Whistling Vivaldi: And Other Clues to How Stereotypes Affect Us, Claude Steele. The title speaks for itself. Steele is a masterful story teller; the stories are vivid portrayals of the experiences of marginalized individuals.

Thanks for the Feedback , Stone and Heen. How these authors deconstruct various aspects of feedback is instructive, enlightening and empowering.

Shifting The Monkey by Todd Whitaker. The author nails how to recognize and deal with those who blame to escape responsibility often because of fear, feeling overwhelmed and/or ignorance.


7-38-55 Rule

In the 1970’s, a psychologist at UCLA, Abert Mehrabriam, spent considerable research time studying the relative impact of verbal and non-verbal messages. Specifically, he examined the different roles that words (7%), tone of voice (38%) and body language (55%) play in conversations. The purpose of looking at this “rule” in leadership coaching work is to be aware of each of these dimensions in a conversation and particularly the role of non-verbal influences. It explains why email and texting can be problematic ways of communicating.

Words: The choreography of words is very important: the choice of words makes a huge difference in how we are viewed and in the receptivity of the message. Words are rudders. How you craft language can keep momentum going or stop it. Repairing is costly for energy, although willingness to address a miss-step shows vulnerability which can ultimately build a relationship.

Tone has a lot to do with the delivery of words: animated, flat, snarky, inviting, even, fast, slow; rhythmic, passionate, authentic, etc.

Everything else has a significant impact on a conversation: Body language and posture. The body gives off lots of signals in the placement of legs and arms, the

tension in shoulders, and certainly in facial expressions. Often, it’s necessary to “fix your face” so that it doesn’t give off unwanted signals and especially judgement. Eye contact can vary in cultures. Be aware of “ticks”: shifting from one leg to another, talking with your hands, gesturing.

Proximity Positioning one person with another Furniture: kinds of chairs, colors, positioning Hydration Smells Dress Background music Time of day Air circulation, temperature of the room Light Sitting vs walking


Core Values to Consider in Coaching Leadership

Values are what we and our schools stand for. They apply personally and institutionally. Values energize behaviors, drive commitments, and produce satisfaction.

How well do your school’s institutional values, curriculum and leadership align with the individuals who work there?

What happens when they don’t?

Integrity values: achievement, accomplishment, accountability, ambition, authenticity, boldness, candor, competency, commitment, conscientiousness, creativity, curiosity, dependability, dignity, discipline, drive, endurance, energy, ethical, fortitude, honesty, honor, loyalty, reliability, responsibility, service, skillfulness, teamwork, trustworthiness, wisdom

Feelings values: acceptance, awareness, comfort, calmness, compassion, contentment, empathy, grace, gratitude, happiness, humor, inner harmony, intuition, kindness, passion, peace, optimism, openness, playfulness, pleasure, self-respect, vitality, wonder

Spirituality values: adaptability, altruism, balance, beauty, charity, communication, community, connection, consciousness, fairness, solitude


7 Leadership Energy Levels*

Energy (thoughts, feelings, actions) is the fuel that drives life and functioning. Understand the energy behind behavior with detached involvement and a generosity of spirit. We need and use both kinds of energy: positive (levels 3-7) and negative (levels 1 and 2). Different situations demand different energies.

Level 1: Victim. This way of thinking and being results in feelings of self-doubt, guilt and brings little if any engagement. Victims often sabotage relationships, feeling unworthy and take everything personally, reflecting a “have to” rather than a “want to” energy. They tend to be stuck in a “why me?” misery. “I lose”

Level 2: Conflict/anger prevail at this level, either aggressively or seethingly, resulting in blame. Individuals feel underappreciated, unfulfilled, that life is not where they want it to be. Behavior can be defiant. Where there is anger, there is often fear. Individuals can be good at “playing the game”, and can get things done by forceful leadership, often with unsustainable and dispiriting results for others and themselves. Those in this energy can, however, be receptive to change; they tend to understand their challenges and want to do something about the weight and the pain of conflict. “I win, you lose”

Level 3: Responsibility. Leaders at this level engage people easily and generally don’t stop until they get what is wanted. They also understand reciprocity: they play a part in what’s going on. Individuals can be manipulative with promises coming from the head rather than the heart: if things don’t work, they can rationalize behavior. This is a transition stage to more positive leadership energy because individuals actively seek to repair conflicts. “I win and maybe you do too”

Level 4: Compassion Individuals want to focus on helping others. Taking little personally, they care for and help – rather than control -- everyone to do their best, often promoting team work. Watch out however: Level 4 leaders can get burned by getting caught up in draining amounts of drama and sympathy. As well, beware of wanting to be liked rather than a genuine wish to be productive and useful. “You win”

Level 5: Opportunity. Opportunity is everywhere in big and little challenges; looking at what’s right rather than what’s wrong and turning situations around. These leaders don’t take things personally. Fixing is not what they want to do; instead, they prefer to enable people to help themselves, find solutions and be productive. There is huge potential at this level. Sometimes seeing possibility everywhere results in not being able to get out of one’s own way aka “paralysis by analysis”. “We all win or no one wins”

Level 6: Intuition. At this level, individuals trust their instincts, their hunches, are creative risk takers and enjoy process. They are calm, unflappable and inspiring, always appreciating the moment. There’s full emotional engagement without judgment at this level of leadership energy. It is a life-long process to fully gain level 6 leadership energy. “We always win”

Level 7: Pure creativity. This is the energy of brilliance, passion for life, transcendence. Individuals can create anything they choose and have the highest levels of intelligence and intuition. Individuals enjoy being alone while also feeling connected with everyone. “Winning and losing are illusions”

*Adapted from iPEC [www.ipeccoaching.com] and Bruce Schneider’s Energy Leadership Abigail Wiebenson, Certified Leadership Coach, [email protected]


Energy Blockers: GAILs* Awareness of these blockers broadens perspective, allows for possibility and helps to avoid getting mired in judgment thinking. Inviting multiple viewpoints and realities deepens discussion and understanding. Given upbringing, experiences and education, everyone represents a wide variety of backgrounds, which taken together, are valuable for understanding teaching and learning and leading. Gremlins Your inner critic, your self-doubter that tells you in one way or another that you are not good enough in some way. Ex: “I’m not smart enough to be doing this.”

Assumptions An expectation that, because something has happened in the past, it will again. Ex: “She’s always interrupts.” “He’s always the nay-sayer.”

Interpretations An opinion or judgment that you create about an event, situation, person or experience. Ex: “New teachers need to listen for a year.”, “A Spanish teacher can’t speak about American lit.” Limiting Beliefs Something that you accept about identity (age, gender, religion, race, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, culture, etc.) that limits you in some way. Ex: “He’s only a kid; what does he know?”

Questions to consider while probing GAIL’s: “Where did that idea come from?” “How true do you believe that is?” “What’s another way to look at that?”

*Adapted from iPEC [www.ipeccoaching.com] and Bruce Schneider’s Energy Leadership Abigail Wiebenson, Certified Leadership Coach, [email protected]


GSD Model: Getting Stuff Done

The Get Stuff Done “GSD” wheel, developed by Kim Scott in her book Radical Candor, is deceptively straightforward. The key to making it work is to resist the impulse to rush decision-making. Instead, starting with Listening. The coaching leader lays the groundwork for collaboration by meticulously following – honoring separating and avoiding tangling -- each step of the process. The 7-step wheel gives space for thinking aloud, enables responsive discussion and creates a culture of curiosity. Skillful leaders guide without “lording over” the process, employing the Mastermind concept of valuing multiple perspectives. They keep the momentum going. This process gains trust and buy-in while creating strong, actionable decision-making. The model applies to any kind of decision-making, large or small, with teachers, staff, students, parents and trustees.

The steps are designed to be cycled through quickly. Avoid getting stuck on any one step. Likewise, don’t skip a step; you’ll regret it. You will find your leadership pace and voice with practice. Remember to debrief, using the triangle/square/circle technique; it validates the participation of all and yields useful information. The steps:

First, listen to the ideas that people on your team have and create a culture of listening to one other.

Next, create space in which ideas can be sharpened and clarified, making sure ideas don’t get dismissed before everyone fully understands their potential usefulness. As well, remember, just because an idea is easy to understand doesn’t mean it’s the best one for the decision being made.

Third, take deliberate time to debate ideas, to test them more rigorously. Fourth, decide—quickly, but not too quickly, on an actionable step to take. Fifth, since not everyone will have been involved in the listen-clarify-debate-decide part of the cycle

for every idea, this step brings the broader team into the know. This step persuades those who weren’t involved in a decision that it is the appropriate one at this time

so that, Sixth, everyone can execute it effectively, perhaps using SMART planning. Finally, and SO importantly, having executed, make time to learn from the results. Has this decision

produced the result wished? If not, the process starts again.


Breakthrough Conversations*

This framework allows you to embrace as opportunities the situations and/or conversations you might be avoiding. Strong leaders adapt when they can and confront when it’s the prudent thing to do. By dealing directly with kindness and a genuinely curious manner, successful leaders demonstrate emotional stability, optimism and partnership. Following the succinct naming and describing of the “elephant in the room” issue or situation a deeper conversation ensues. The first six steps should take no longer than 2 minutes. That sets the stage for a collaborative discussion resulting in the creation of an action plan. Once this framework becomes part of you, it’s the way you think generally about all types of situations that need discussion and resolution.

Preparation1. Name the issue , the behavior that’s causing the situation; one sentence. Speak calmly, quietly, and

authentically. Confronting something critical is about inviting clarity not being threatening. Getting the wording right is critical for the ensuing conversation.

2. Select a specific example (or two, not more) that illustrates the behavior or situation you want to change. This adds a definite talking point, a story, humanizing the situation.

3. Describe your emotions around the issue . Emotions are core to a relationship; they are an aspect of trust to let someone know you are vulnerable. No one can deny you your feelings.

4. Clarify why this is so important. What is at stake to gain or lose, what’s the impact, how this is important for yourself and the other person, your school, your relationship.

5. Identify your contribution(s) to this problem. A big part of trust is expectations; if they aren’t clear, behaviors happen that you, as a leader, didn’t want or anticipate. “I now realize I’ve contributed to this problem by…” [could be something you did or didn’t do] This step exemplifies “coming out from behind yourself”.

6. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue. This step communicates positive intent.

7. Invite your partner to respond . This is about “I want to understand from your perspective.”

Interaction8. Inquire into your partner’s views . Ask questions, get curious. Dig for full understanding. What else?

What more needs to be said? Be sure you indicate that you understand your partner’s views. Summarize. Provoke learning.

Resolution9. What was learned ? How can we move forward from here? Where are we now? Anything left

unsaid? How was the relationship enriched?10. Make an agreement and determine how you will hold each other accountable/responsible for it.

Create a time frame.

*adapted from Susan Scott’s Fierce Conversations.


SMARTE Planning

SMARTE Planning is the process of translating goals into achievable, actionable steps. These steps may be many or few, depending on the size of the goal or task.

Rationale: SMARTE planning allows you to be very specific about accomplishments as you move toward a goal, creating a series of successes which build momentum and willingness. S = Specific: one piece of the goal/task, a logical step in a progression toward the goal

M = Measurable: a means for evaluating; can take the form of a list, a table, an inventory, notes from a conversation, etc. A = Achievable: this is the rationale for selecting this goal piece, reflecting an awareness and intention about getting the right people involved, the right factor aligned] R = Reasonable: why this step makes sense and in this sequence; why is it important to do this step before another step T = Time table: as small a window as possible, preferably days or at most a couple of weeks; otherwise, there’s a risk of momentum being lost. E = Equitable: continuous scanning of ideas for equity and inclusion; adjust accordingly.


Delegation/Decision Tree Model *

As a leader, you want to give as much responsibility as possible to others based on the premise that delegated decision-making are in the best interests of leading, learning and teaching. Delegation frees you for the kind of thinking, planning, and guiding that your school expects and requires. Toward this end, you are constantly asking:

What activity or responsibility is no longer the best use of my time? To whom would I like to give this responsibility? At what level? How and when will I follow-up on delegation? What’s the best way to do a course correction if the delegation needs fine tuning? How much time will this free up? What will be the best use of this free time?

Level 1 (Root): These decisions are made with input from many and/or are ones that the responsible leader is not willing yet to delegate.

Level 2 (Trunk): Individual has the responsibility to make the decision; however, it has to be discussed with the responsible leader before taking action.

Level 3 (Branch): Individual makes the decision and acts on it. He/She reports the action to the responsible leader daily, weekly or whatever time frame the head sets and is agreed upon.

Level 4 (Leaf): Individual makes and acts on the decision. While not needing to report it, it’s definitely courteous and appreciated to inform the responsible leader as needed.

NOTE: it’s both possible and probable that decisions might be made at different levels for any one person at any time, given the range of demands and expertise involved. As well, it might be prudent to revert to a “lower level” given a particular situation, when there is evidence of overestimation of capability.

Consider the benefit of describing this model to colleagues. Let them know that you are eager to give them as much responsibility as possible asap. Not only does decision-making take practice, often the best decisions come through collective input and discussion: the essence of collaborative leadership. While you have ultimate institutional responsibility, once teammates/colleagues realizes how much you value their input, they are more likely to eagerly generate ideas, energy, risking-taking and buy-in.

*With gratitude to Susan Scott’s Fierce, Inc Conversations training. Abigail B. Wiebenson, Certified Leadership Coach, [email protected]


mailto:[email protected]

Questions that Open and Deepen Conversations and Create Momentum

The choreography of questioning is critical to creating depth of understanding and positive results. All questions interrogate reality. Curiosity helps identify what’s important, clarifies confusions, invites other questions, checks for agreement and entertains multiple realities. To extend a question response, consider some form of TMMAT (Tell me more about that) or “Give me an example of that.” Be aware of different personality types in choosing/framing questions. Dan Rockwell calls them Doers, Dreamers and Feelers. Each have different motivations. All have value. Doers like closure, getting things done. Dreamers are starters, idea generators. Feelers are strong evaluators who respond readily to “What’s working? What could go better?” types of questions. Each personality type has aspects of the other two; it’s just that one generally is the default for a person. Basic questions:

What’s going well? What could go better? What should we start, stop, keep on doing? What should we do more of? Less of? What’s another way to look at this?

Empowering questions Pick and choose, modify as needed for the situation and person. Note: all these questions apply and can be modified for leading Team Conversations.

What’s the most important thing we should be talking about today? What topic were you hoping I would not bring up? What topic am I hoping you won’t bring up? What’s the most important decision you are facing? What’s keeping you from making it? What are you trying to accomplish? What’s important about that? What have you tried? What’s an example of that? What is the one area that, if improved would make the greatest difference? If nothing changes, what’s likely to occur/happen? How would you have to change your thinking (or stretch yourself) in order to do that? What assumptions got you into this situation? What’s getting in your way? Where did that thought come from? How will you manage that? Who are you when you do/think that? Why do you describe that as a need? What do you need to get that done? What’s your intuition telling you? Why is this important? What excites you about that? What makes you laugh? What’s a first step, even, an imperfect first step? Knowing that ____ is important, what could you do to make that happen? What did you learn from this? If you could redo that, what would you do differently? What worked? What about that made it work? Given everything we’ve explored together, what comes up for you? What else is on your mind? How can I support you?

Folio Collaborative Questions*


Reflective conversation questions during the school year re goals/intentions: Name an accomplishment since last we talked? How have you been a coach/critical friend in the past month/week? Name a tool/technique that has particularly served you well since we last talked? What’s been a surprise? What’s worrying you most right now? How can I help with this?

End of year reflective conversation questions re goals/intentions How are you telling yourself and others the story of this school year? How have your assessment techniques served learning in your student? How have they

strengthened your teaching? How do you self-assess and encourage others to do so? Where are you focusing your growing-edge learning for next year? How are you advancing that over

the summer? How can I support you in this goal? What were your best achievements this year (these do not necessarily need to be big, grand

achievements; consider the little things, too)? How did those achievements make you feel? What were your 3 biggest challenges or obstacles you faced this year? How did you overcome

them? Who did you become as a result? When do you feel most powerful? Worried? Successful? What were you truly grateful for this year? How have you developed or changed as a person? What have you done differently this year? What new people have you met or new experiences have

you had? How much fun have you had this year? What sense of fulfillment have you gained? Who has helped you, been influential or impacted your life this year? What were you really proud of? What brings you the most satisfaction in your work? Is everything you have done this year in alignment with your big dream or goal? If yes, how have

you made that happen? If no, why not? If no, what can you do to shift toward alignment?

McTige’s key pedagogical assessment questions1. What really matters in a contemporary education? UBD’s 4 types of goals: knowledge (facts and

concepts: objective tests), basic skills (ability to DO: addition, handwriting, etc. essential to competency and mastery: assess though observation, or examination of an and product that required the skill; continuum of proficiency, from novice to expert), conceptual understanding (inherently abstract concepts around principles, themes, issues or processes) Assessment is gauged by providing explanation, justifying conclusions and supporting answers with evidence. long-term transfer goals aka application to new situations and contexts; process oriented, often interdisciplinary and requiring discipline, persistence and collaboration.

2. How should we reassess those things that matter?3. How might our assessments enhance learning that matters, not just measure it?

*Gleaned from Moira Regan-Edmiston’s Mastermind Conversations in 2017-18


Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs


Debriefing Questions

An essential part of a conversation is debriefing. It allows you to individually or in a group, assess the merits of a conversation, what feelings were generated and gives new insights. This awareness helps to know how to go forward. Below are some examples of debriefing questions. Add to them. Play with them.

The “Basic 5” questions work for groups and yourself: “What went well?” “What could go better? “What should I/we start doing?” “What should I/we stop doing?” “What should I/we keep on doing?”

For yourself: “Was I genuinely curious about this person/situation?” “Did I work to understand where he/she is coming from and where she/he stands?” “What part(s) of me failed to show up?” “Who did the most talking?” “How connected do I feel with him/her now” “Did I use silence effectively?” “What needs more attention? “ “What was the biggest takeaway?” “How did I stretch myself?” “What surprised me?” “What about this conversation energized me?” “What else?” “What am I missing?”

In a group: Note: a “process observer” can be a useful mechanism for a meeting

“What’s one thing (two things) you are going away with?” “How was this conversation useful for you?” “What’s shifted in your thinking?” “What are we learning?” (ask even when something goes haywire) “What actually happened?” “Was that the intention?” “If not, why not?” “What’s the next step?” “What are we avoiding?” “Where do we need greater clarity? Simplicity? Focus? “Are the right people in the room? If not, who else should be involved?” “What worked?” “What made that work?” “Who on our team could we be developing more? What would that look like?” “What shall I/we try next?” “What’s holding us back?” “If nothing changes, what’s liable to happen?” “How have I grown from this conversation?” “Did everyone have a chance to talk?” “Did anyone dominate?” “What else?”

Macro-Aggression and Micro-Aggression Awareness © Abigail Wiebenson, Leadership Coaching and Consulting, 2018, All Rights Reserved

With appreciation to Paula Cole Jones, founder of ADORE and the University of Denver Center for Multicultural Excellence. Feeling safe and affirmed about one’s identity is critical to being fully human and growing. Our

formative years from birth to 18 greatly influence our perspectives. During these years, we accumulate values, knowledge and opinions that influence how we lead ourselves and navigate our lives. Parents, relatives, friends, schooling, neighborhoods, faith training and a voluminous amount of information via the Internet all contribute to creating the sense of identity and belonging we claim for ourselves.

We live what we know and what we choose to believe. Our ideas about what constitutes our truth and reality can result in harmful, albeit sometimes unconscious, stereotyping around the identity factors of race, ethnicity, religion, wealth, education, gender, gender identity, and age.

Macro-aggressions are intentional put-down insults and deliberate indignities that communicate hostile, derogatory or negative slights.

Micro-aggressions are the off-hand rude and insensitive remarks or behaviors -- intentional or not -- that diminish a person, eroding psychological, social and physical well-being and self-worth.

The cumulative effect of micro-aggressions and macro-aggressions is “death by a thousand cuts”. This is oppression. It puts individuals in “fight or flight” mode, affecting behavior by shutting down the creative, risk-taking aspects of living one’s life. Racial and ethnic oppression is insidiously erosive and prevalent all around us. Be mindful that micro-aggressions can feel like macro-aggressions.

Compassionate and informed leaders address the “Ouch!” moments of aggression. They recognize that the substance of what is being discussed is suddenly lost because someone has felt diminished by an insulting, judgmental remark or behavior. Leaders find ways to daylight and discuss these “Ouch!” moments directly, firmly and respectfully by humanizing them and inviting new understanding that elevates awareness and shifts behavior.

Below is language that describes what is seen, heard or experienced around micro-aggression. Naming is a first step in addressing situations that demand our attention.

Micro-aggression Types: Micro-insults are invalidations: “I don’t know why you’re so worried about college — you’re black

and will get in everywhere.” The use of the word “articulate” in a demeaning way. Micro-invalidations are another type of put-down: because someone speaks in a certain way or has

a particular accent, he/she is not accepted into a majority/privileged group. Micro-assaults are threatening actions: displaying a noose from a tree on campus.

Distinguishing concepts regarding racial awareness (directly related to micro/macro aggressions) Bonding: assumptions that when we share some part of our background or beliefs, we don’t have

to translate them to others; not concerned that your identity will work against you. Bridging: commitment to a relationship but having to work to make the connection happen. In

bridging there is awareness that personal assumptions that might get in way of a relationship. Buffering: assumption that identity might work against them; the protective guard is up. Individuals

present only enough of themselves to get the job done and stay safe. Buffering often arises in the initial hiring process.

Individualizing: one example becomes a group interpretation, a form of stereotyping. It’s a general characterization for a particular group: women, senior citizens, non-natives are three examples. This is an aberration of affinity groupness.

Code Switching reflects cultural competency as a person, aware of difference, is able to shift behavior and language to reflect that understanding.


framework for transformative coaching conversations - aisne.org · web viewthe use of the word...

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