four agreements final version

8/13/2019 Four Agreements Final Version

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The Four Agreements

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The Tao of Inner Peace

=The Tao of Inter-relatedness and Personal Transformation

a/k/a How can I be who I am and be OK with that?

Jeanne Bowers, M.A.
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The Four Agreements

Don Miguel Ruiz

Be Impeccable with

your Word

Dont take anythingpersonally

Dont make

assumptionsAlways do your best
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The Tao of Inner Peace

Diane Dreher

Why did the ancients

cherish the Tao?

Because through it

We may find a world ofpeace,

Leaving behind a world of

cares,

And hold the greatesttreasure under heaven.

(Tao Te Ching 62)
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The First Agreement

Be impeccable with your word

What matters more,

what you say to

others, or what you

say to yourself? Do you spread poison

or truth?

Do you create or

destroy?


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Our Word is our Bond

Trust is a fragile thing.Once it is broken, it isimpossible to return itto its original pristinestate.

Major life lesson fromDr. Kim. Things areeasy to fix. Brokenrelationships not soeasy to fix.


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Embodiment of Your Word

Through our words we

manifest.

What does your internal

and external dialogue

manifest in your life?

First, be present;

Second, tell the truth;

Third, let go of theconsequences of telling

the truth.


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The Second Agreement

Dont Take Anything Personally Surprise, its not all about you.

Even when a situation seemsso personal, even if othersinsult you directly, it has

nothing to do with you. Whatthey say, what they do, and theopinions they give areaccording to the agreementsthey have in their own minds.Their point of view comes fromall the programming theyreceived during domestication(Ruiz, p. 49).


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Contemplation

Ouch, why am I so defensivewhen I am corrected? Is itbecause instead ofunderstanding I made amistake, I truly believe I AM amistake? What do I have to

prove anyway, and to whom? In the face of correction or

criticism, first consider thesource. If it is valid, take adeep breath, listen deeply, andremind yourself it is nothing

personal, just an opportunity tobecome more self aware,correct faulty behavior orthinking, and put the correctionto use in your life.


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News Flash!

Personal

transformation is not

a bed of roses. It

oftentimes feels likethe thorns.

You are worth the

effort.
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Where attention goes, energy flows

Those who focus on Tao

Will be one with Tao.

Those who study its power

Will be powerful.

Those who focus on failure

Will certainly fail.(Tao Te Ching 23)

We get what we cultivate in our lives. Likeseeds, our thoughts take root in ourexperience. If we focus on the power ofTao, we become powerful. If we focuson failure, we fail. Even ourunexpressed thoughts affect our work,our relationships, our daily lives (Reher,

pp. 38-39).

Th Thi d A
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The Third Agreement

Dont Make Assumptions

Youve heard it before.When you assume, youmake an ASS out of Uand ME.

How about the trouble weget into assuming thatthose closest to us knowwhat we think, feel,

believe? How unfair of usis it to place that burdenon the people we love?


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Suffering versus Freedom

Does this sound familiar? Howabout the assumption that your lovewill change someone or their lovefor you will make them want tochange?

Just imagine the day that you stopmaking assumptions with yourpartner and eventually witheveryone else in your life. Your wayof communicating will changecompletely, and your relationshipswill no longer suffer from conflictscreated by mistaken assumptions(Ruiz, pp. 71-72).
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The Cure?

ASK QUESTIONS!!!

CLARIFY!!!


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Coming home

Know the Tao

Without leaving your doorstep.

See its face

Reflected in the window.

To seek it outsideIs to leave it behind.

(Tao Te Ching 47)

The way of peace begins with

self-acceptance. To seekpeace outside is to leave itbehind (Reher, p. 49).
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Personal Authenticity

The Tao person knows himself

And makes no display.

Accepts himself,

And is not arrogant.Tao Te Ching 72)

Tao people have no need to hide

behind artifice and ostentation.

Living the simple truth of whothey are, theyre beyond envy,

competition, and artificial

display (Reher p. 50).
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The Fourth Agreement

Always Do your Best Self-acceptance versus perfectionistic

torture (loving oneself versus neverquite being good enough).

BREATHE.

Slow down and pay attention versus

multi-tasking mistake-making pseudoefficiency.

When you do your best you learn toaccept yourself. But you have to beaware and learn from your mistakes.Learning from your mistakes meansyou practice, look honestly at theresults, and keep practicing. Thisincreases your awareness (Ruiz, p.81).
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The Principle of Harmonious

Action

Tao people never try. They do.

(Tao Te Ching 48)

Tao people dont waste time

worrying or efforting. Theydare, take risks, live with

commitment Temeans

daring to live deliberately.

Tao people have no time for

halfhearted attempts(Dreher, pp. 18-19).
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Harmony

The Tao Te Ching

teaches us to cooperate

with the natural patterns

in our world. This is the

principle of harmoniousaction or wu wei:

blending with the

energies around us

without imposing our willon other life forms

(Dreher, p. 35).


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Forgiveness

If you err with your word

or deed, remember that

apology is only partially

about repair. To make an

apology real, we have tofollow through with

commitment not to repeat

the offense.

Remember, forgivenessis for-giving.


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CONCLUSION

Its OK to look at the big picture, butremember it is made up of small detailsand pay attention to them first. Smallthings become big things very rapidly.

Pay attention to what you think, what yousay, and the effect it has on you and

those around you. Dont assume you know a damn thing,

and when someone else makes anassumption about you, dont take itpersonally. They cant see you. Not really.

And lastly, do your best. When you feel

you havent done your best, then do yourbest at forgiving, pick yourself up, dustyourself off, and do it all over again, onlybetter.
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four agreements final version

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