FORGOTTENEMOTIONSbyMarleena(blacjac@juno.com)PJinNH(kelhapam@lr.net)ratedNC-17(P/T,H/f)

The'EmotionsSeries'iscomprisedofthefollowingstoriesinthisorder:SilentEmotionsBasicEmotionsForgottenEmotions

SUMMARY:Tomiskidnappedanddruggedcausinghimtoforgethispast,includingB'Elannaandhissons.

DISCLAIMER:ParamountownsVoyageranditscharacters.We'veonlyborrowedthecharacterstosatisfyourowncreativeurges.AleraLeriseandafewassortedotherminorcharactersthoughareoursandoursalone(thatisunlesssomeoneelsewantstoborrowthemandgiveuscredit).Archivingisokay,juste-mailus.Pleasekeepdisclaimerandournamesattached.

RECOGNITIONOFAPPRECIATION:AveryspecialthanksgoesouttoourbetareaderPhyllisJ.SutherlandforbetareadingourtextandtoDonnaThelenwhohadsograciouslyallowedustouseherchatpagewhilewritingthisstory.

ForgottenEmotions

10/98

Chapter1

Quietly,hepickedupthepillowandunfoldedtheblanketthathadbeenplacedonthechairbesidethebed.Thetallman,aswascustomary,laiddownonthefloortosleepforthenightbesidethebed--anhonoredpositionforhewasherfavoriteandshewasmuchenviedbytheotherladiesofthepalace.Shewasveryfondandpossessiveofhimforhewasuniqueamongsttheotherservantsinthe

kingdom.

AndtheLady,apparentlysatisfiedfromtheircoupling,sleptcontentedlyinthebedabove.Settlingdownforthenight,hewincedashisbackcameincontactwiththehardfloor.Thelacerationshehadreceivedfromlashesthreedaysagowerestillsore.

Hethoughtbacktothattime,throughthefogthatseemedtoalwayspermeatehisbrain.HehadroundedacornerinthepalaceonanerrandforhisLadyandhadnotavertedhiseyesanddroppedtoonekneequickenoughwhenhehadbeenunexpectedlyconfrontedwiththeLady'ssister.Thepunishmenthadbeenswift,hewasimmediatelyreturnedtotheTrainingAreaandreceivedtheappropriatepunishment--15strokeswiththelaserwhiponhisbareback.Nexttimehewouldbemorecarefulhevowed,astheoncebrighteyesclosedforthenight.Tryingtosleep,memoriesofthepreviousdayinvadedhismind.

*Fetchmymeal.***Atonce,M'Lady.***Drawmybath.***Yes,M'Lady.***Pleasureme,slave.***Ofcourse,M'Lady.**

Eachcommandthathehadreceivedduringthedayreplayedthroughhisbrainagainthatnight,andhisdayhadbeenfullofcommands.Eachhadbeenpromptlyobeyed,andtheLadywaspleased.Andhewaspleased.Wasn'the?Hecouldn'tremember.Theytoldhimhewas.

Andheslept.

Inthemorning,justbeforeherose,vaguememorieswouldsurfaceuntilhereceivedthemorninginjection.Thedrugthatwasinjectedintohissystemwouldobliteratethedisturbingthoughtsleavingbehindonlythemostrecentmemories.

Hecouldrecallthattheyhadtrainedhimwellthosemanyweeksago.Oftheinitialtrainingthoughhecouldrememberlittle.Hestillhadthescarsonhisback

fromthelaserwhiptoremindhimselfthathehadbeentrainedandapparentlyhadnotbeenawillingstudent.Buttheinstructorshadbeenpersistentandpersuasiveandhadachievedtheirgoal--anobedientservantfortheirLady,willingtoperformanytaskwithoutquestion.

Thelaserwhipthoughhadn'tbeentheonlymethodofpersuasion.Hecouldrecall,intheweehoursofthemorning,thatdrugshadbeenpainfullyandfrequentlyinjectedintothebackofhisneckduringthetraining.Daily,hestillreceivedthosesameinjections.Hewastolditwasforhisowngood,buteventhroughthefoghequestionedhowsomethingcouldbeforhisowngoodifithurtsomuch.

Occasionally,thoughjustbeforehewasinjectedwiththedrug,imagesofadarkhaired,beautiful,exoticlookingwomanwithtwosmallchildren--boys?Forsomereasonheknewtheywereboys--wouldinvadehismind.

Thosesamefleetingimagesinvadedhismindjustbeforehefacedtheoverseer,Krent,thenextmorning.Krent,asusual,heldalargesyringewhichcontainedapurplecoloredfluid.Ashewastaught,heobedientlyturnedhisbacktotheoverseerandKrentgrabbedtheedgeofhistunicatthenapeoftheneck,pulleditdown,andwithoutthoughtastotheman'scomfort,brutallyinjectedtheentirecontentsofthesyringeintothetenderflesh.

Unmovedbytheman'sscreams,hepushedhimawayandpreparedanewdoseforthenextservantthathadjustenteredthroughthedoor.

Astheburningpaincausedbythedrugsubsided,theworldonceagainchangedfromamistedveiltoacompleteopaquefog.Afogthathewouldliveinunemotionallyduringtheday,preparedtoservehisMistress,theLady.

Chapter2

Theawaymissionstartedoutlikemostawaymissions.AdelegationfromVoyagerbeameddowntothesurfaceoftheplanet,Drayen,andmetit'sleaderstodiscusstradeforfoodorenergy.Todaystartedoutthatway.Nothingunusual.Talksproceed,agreementswerereached.Everythingaccordingtoplan.Everythingbut...

Twoverytallalienswithgrey-coloredskin,notnativestotheplanetwatchedthenewaliens.Theywerefromaplacecalled'Voyager,'theyhadoverheard.Theyobservedthemverycarefully.

Firsttherewastheirleader,theycalledhera'captain'shewasawomanwithmediumcoloredhair,neitherlightnordark.Shedidalmostallthetalkingforthegroupbutwhentheothersspokeshelistenedpatiently,obviouslyveryinterestedinwhatwasbeingsaid.Thentherewasthemanwhostoodnexttohermostofthetime.Hehadverydarkhairanddarkerskinthanthecaptainwomanandhehadsometypeofwritingormarkingonhisface.Perhapshehadsometypeofillnessthetwoaliensconcluded.

Anotherwomanwaspartoftheirgroup,shewasshorterthantherest.Shehaddarkhairthatfellalmosttohershouldersandherfacetoowasunique,withridgesandripplesontheforehead.Buttheonealienthattheyweremostinterestedinwashercompanion.Hehadhairthecolorofgrainofthefieldsandblueeyeslikeaclearsky.Howunique.Howdifferent.Howmuchcouldwegetforhim?theyponderedthinkingofthewaystheycouldspendtheirmoney.*"Comeon,B'Elanna,let'sgotothemarketbeforewehavetobeamback.I'msurethatwecouldfindsomethingthatKyleandLucaswouldlike,"Tompleadedwithhiswife.

"ButTom,themeeting..."

"It'salmostover.Whenitbreaksup,I'llspeakwiththeCaptainandI'msureshe'llsayyes.WecouldbebackonVoyagerintwentyminutesthirtytops."

"You'rewhiningagainhusband,"shewarned,hereyesglintingwithunrestrainedglee.

"Comeon,'Lanna,itwillbefun,"herepliedwithpuppy-dogeyes.

Sherolledhereyesandlookedupatthefatherofherchildrenandherhusband.Shenevercouldresistthatexpressionandheknewit."Ohallright,butYOUhavetotalktotheCaptain.Don'tyougotryingtopushthisoffonme."

Ashortwhilelater,thepairwerewalkinghand-in-handtowardsthecity'smarketplace.Unbeknownsttothem,thetwoaliensfollowedatadiscreetdistance.

"Don'tlethimoutofyoursight,Zeten,"Enskewwarnedthetalleralien.

"Don'tworry,I'mnotgoingtoletanopportunitylikethisslipthroughmyfingers,"Zetenreassuredhisfriendasheremovedasmall,shinymetallicdevicefromahiddenpocketinhisshirt.

"Tom,lookatthis,"B'Elannasaidassheheldupablueshinyorbinhisdirection.

Herhusband,whohadbeenpartakingofDraviandelicaciesatthenextcounterquicklyshovedtherestofthesliceofpastryintothismouth,wipedhismouthandwentovertojoinhiswife.

"Whatisit?"heasked.Shewipedthepastryflakesfromhislipsthathehadmissedandpassedtheorbtohim.

"Theownerofthiskiosksaysthatitisaspecialball.Throwittomeyou'llsee."

TomraisedoneeyebrowindisbeliefinaverygoodimpressionofTuvok,andtossedtheballtoB'Elanna.Astheballsoaredthroughtheairitchangedcolorsgoingfrombluetogreenandthentoyellow.

"Wow!!That'sneattheboyswillloveit.Canwegettwo?Oneforeachofthem?"

B'Elannagiggledatherhusband'sexpression."Sure,we'llgetitforthem,butIhaveafeelingthatyou'llbeplayingwiththemmorethentheywill.Here,yourturntocatch,"shesaidandshelobbedtheballinhisdirection.

TombackpedaledabitinordertomakethecatchandZetentookadvantageoftheopportunitytobumpupagainsthimandplantedasmallmechanicaldeviceonthebackofhisuniform.

Embarrassedthathehadalmostknockedoverthealien,Tomtuckedtheballunderhisarmandturnedtofacehim."Sorryaboutthat,butthelittlewomanhasastrongarm."

"Noproblem,I'mgladIwastheretohelpbreakyourfall,"thealienreplied.

"Thanks."

"Tom,youokay?"B'Elannaaskedholdingasecondball.Tomnoddedthathewas."I'vepaidfortwoballs.Wehavetogetgoing."

TomjoinedB'Elannainanareaseveralmetersawayfromthemarketplaceandshetappedhercommbadge."Voyager,twotobeamup.

Chapter3

"Activatethecontrolsnow!"Zetentoldhispartnerwhonoddedhisheadinconfirmation.

Enskew'sfingersflewovertheportablecontrolpadjustasTomandB'Elannadisappearedfromthesurface.Andshortlythereafterthetwoaliensdisappearedaswell.

ThebluetransporterlightshimmeredoverthetransporterpadandinaninstantB'ElannamaterializedandnexttohertheblueorbthatTomhadbeencarryingfellontothepadandrolledofftheedgeoftheplatformandontothedeck.Tomwasnotthere.

"Whereishe,McNamara!"sheyelledattheunfortunatetransporteroperator.

"Idon'tknowLieutenant,I'mrecalibratingthebuffersnow."McNamaratriedagainbuthewasastillunsuccessful."Oneminutehewasthereandthenexthewasgone."

"Letmetry,"sheordered,pushingtheyoungensignoutoftheway.

MinutespassedbutstillTomhadn'tappeared.Finally,JoeCareyhavingbeencalledtothetransporterroombyEnsignMcNamara,stoodbyB'Elanna'sside.Hereviewedtheproceduresandcheckedtheinstruments.Sadly,hepushedherhandsawayfromthecontrols.

"I'msorry,B'Elanna.I'msorry.Bythelooksofit,therewassomekindoftransportermalfunction.Tom'scouldn'thavesurvived.

B'Elannalookedupatherfriendwithdisbeliefwrittenalloverherfaceandshookherhead."No.No.Itcan'tbe.Everythingwasworkingcorrectly.Imyselfcheckedthistransporterjusttwodaysago.Itwasworkingperfectly.Hecan'tbedead.Hecan'tbe..."

Joeenvelopedhisarmsaroundhisbossandthehalf-Klingonsobbedinhisarms."CalltheCaptain,"heorderedMcNamara.

*

TomParisdroppedtothedeckofthealienspaceshipassoonasthebeamreleasedhim.Ascertaininghissituation,thepilotimmediatelystoodupandfacedtwoaliens,oneofthembeingtheonehehadmetinthemarketplace.Hetappedhiscommbadge,butreceivednoresponse.

"Whatgoingonhere?!Whyhaveyoutransportedmetoyourship?!"

"Quiet!!"Enskewroared.

"Idemandtoknowwhatis...!"TombellowedjustbeforeZetenbackhandedhimacrossthefaceandsenthimcareeningbacktothedeckbelow.

"Isaidquiet!!!"

Hisorderdidn'tstopthepilotwhogotuponceagainandfacedhiskidnappers."I'mLieutenantThomasParisoftheStarshipVoyager.Idemandthatyoureleaseme."

"Orwhat?"theshorteraliensaidashispartnerZetenpunchedsomebuttonsonapanelandthreemoreofthealiensenteredtheroom.

"OrCaptainJanewaywill..."

"She'lldonothing,"Enskewinterrupted."AsfarassheandeveryoneelseonVoyagerknowsyou'redead."

"Thenwhydoyouwantme?"anincredulousTomParisaskedthem.

"Tosell,"herepliedsimplyandmotionedforhiscrewtotaketheprisoneraway.

Tomtriedhisbesttoavoidthethreealienswhoapproachedhim.Hethrewapunchatoneandwhiletryingtokicktheothertwo.Thefightlastedseveralminutes.Muchlongerthanhiscaptorswouldhaveimagined.Finally,oneofthelargeraliensofthegroupfoundhisopportunityandclubbedthepilotacrossthebackofhisheadknockinghimunconscious.

AsoneofthethreethrewParisoverhisshoulderandlefttheroom,Zetenturnedtohisfriend."She'lllovehim."

"He'llfetchahandsomeprice,"Enskewaddedhiseyesglintingwithavarice.

"Ofcoursehemaybedifficulttotrain."

"SincewhenhasthateverstoppedtheLadyDaylia.She'llhavetohavehim,I'msureofit.InfactIthinkweshouldofferhimtoheratthreetimestheusualprice,"Zetensaid.

"Threetimes!!!"Whatifshedoesn'taccept,"Enskewrepliedincredulously.

"Shewill,"Zetenrepliedconfidently."Shewill."

Chapter4

"...andsowegatherheretoday,"theCaptainspokethickly.Thewordswereveryhardtosay,theycaughtinherthroat."Tosaygoodbyetoacrewmate,afriend,afather,andahusband.WewillallmissThomasEugeneParis."

ThememorialservicethenendedandatearfulB'Elannaclutchedhertwobewilderedboystoherchest.

ShehadtoldthemtwodaysagothatDadawouldn'tbecomingbackbutofcoursebeingsoyoungtheydidn'tunderstand.TheystillaskedfortheirDadaandeachtimetheydidB'Elanna'sheartached.Itwasalmostimpossibleforhertodealwithherhusband'slossalone,butshehadtotakecareofthetwinsaswell.Lucas'blueeyesandKyle'sblondhairwouldalwaysremindherofTom,andtheybothweredevelopingthatsweetdevilishsmilethatwouldcharmthegirls.

Tommaybegone,B'Elannavowed,buthewouldnotbeforgotten.SheplannedonspeakingtoHarrysoonabouthelpingherdevelopaholodeckprogramaboutTom.Onethatshecouldtaketheboystosee,sotheywouldneverforgettheirfather.Thereweresomanythingstodoandshehadtodothembyherself.Inmuchthesamewayhermotherhadtodo,afterB'Elannasfatherleft,whenshewasalittlegirl.

ChakotayaccompaniedtheCaptainbacktohercabinaftertheservice.Hehadneverseenhersowithdrawn,soquiet.Itscaredhim.

Aftertheyenteredherquartershehelpedhersitdownonthesofa,thenwenttothereplicatortogettwocupsofcoffee.Hehandedoneofthesteamingcupstoher.

"Thanks,"sherepliedwoodenly.

"Doyouwanttotalkaboutit?"Chakotaydidn'tevenwaitforaresponsebeforehecontinued."Youmisshim?"

Shenoddedherheadandbeingafraidthatshewouldbreakdowntookacareful

sipofcoffee.

"Idotoo.MorethanI'dcaretoadmit."Kathryn'seyesmethisdarkonesashesatdownbesideher.Hecontinued."Youknow,aswellasanyone,thatinthebeginningIhadnolovelostforParis.Ilookbackknowandcan'timaginehowIcouldhaveeverfeltthatwayabouthim."

"Youdidn'tknow."

"NoIjustassumedlikeeveryoneelsedid.Inevertookthetimetoask.TofindoutwhatTomPariswasreallylike."

"Ihadmyownmisconceptionsabouthimatfirst."

"Youknow,Idon'tthinkIevertoldhimthatmyfeelingshadchanged.ThatI'dcometothinkofhimasafriend.ThatIrespectedhim."

KathrynreachedoverandpattedChakotay'sknee."HeknewChakotay.I'llmisshimtoo.Tomwaslikeayoungerbrothertome.Ican'ttellyouhowmuchI'llmisshis'yes,ma'am.'Itwillbeverydifferentonthebridge.Andthenthere'sB'Elannaandthebabies.ThoseboysaregoingtogrowupwithoutafatherandB'Elannawillhavetogoonwithoutahusbandsloveandsupport."SheputdownthecoffeecupandletChakotayholdherasshewept.

Laterthatevening,HarrysatbyhimselfinamongsttheholocharactersinadimlylitSandrine'snursinghisfourthbeer.Ithadbeenalongtimesincehehadusedtheprogram.Actually,Sandrine'shadn'tbeenrunsincebeforethetwinswereborn.ItseemedfittingsomehowtobehereinoneofTom'sfavoriteholoprograms.Herememberedthegoodtimeshehadherewithhisfriend.Tomhadtaughthimhowtoplaypool,howtogetoverLibby,andhelpedhimeasebackintotodatingagain.Hewasthebrotherhehadneverhad.Harrymissedhim.Hemissedhimalot.

AlerafoundhimstilldrowninghissorrowsinhisbeerandtalkingwithSandrinewhenshearrivedaboutahalfanhourlater.Shecouldsensehisdespairandsadness.

"Harry,it'stimetogohome,"Alerasaidsoothinglyandsheplacedherarmaroundhisshouldersandkissedhimonthecheek.

Harryturnedhistear-streakedfacetowardsher."Imisshimsomuch,Alera."

"Iknow,love."

"It'slikeIlostamemberofthefamilyaswellasafriend,"hesaidandpulledhertohimandhuggedherasmoresobswrackedhisbody.

"It'sokay,Harry.Letitout,"shesaidholdinghimclose.SheknewthatalldayhehadtriedtomaintainabravefrontforB'Elanna,theboys,andtherestofthecrew."It'stime."

Aleraheldhimuntilhewasfinishedandhelpedhimbacktotheircabin.Tomorrowthefuturewouldbegin.

Itwaspast2200whenB'Elannafinallysettledtheboysdownforthenightandshewasfinallyabletositdownbyherself.Theyoungwidowclutchedahotcupofherbalteaandcurleduponthecoach.Sheknewthatlifefromnowonwasgoingtobeverydifficult.ShehadcometorelyonTomforsomuch,hewashalftotheirwhole.Hermateforlifeandaverydevoted,lovingfather.B'Elannawouldmisshimtremendously,butshevowedtodohimproud.Shewouldmakesurethattheirsonsgrewuptobemenhewouldhavebeenproudofandshewasdeterminedthattheywouldneverforgettheirfather.

Chapter5

"OnyourfeetVoyager!"Zetenroaredandpulledhardonthechainthatwasattachedtotheneckoftheblondman.

Tomhadnochoicebuttoobeyfortheyhadboundhishandsbehindhisbackandtetheredhislegstogethersohecouldbarelywalk.Itbeenclosetotwoweeksbyhisjudgement.Twoweeksofbeingconfinedtoacellintheship'sbrigalongwithtenotherunfortunatesouls.AllapparentlydestinedforsomeonetheGabionsreferredtoasTheLady.

Thismorningbeganjustlikealltheothermorningsoverthepasttwoweekshad.Tomrosefromthepalletonthefloorandwaitedwiththerestofhiscellmatesforthealiens'versionofbreakfastwhilehisstomachgrowled.Themenuwasveryconsistent.Youhadthechoiceofslop,slop,orifyouwerereallylucky,slop.Eitherwayitwasatastelessmassofgreyglopwhoseconsistencyresembledwatereddownmashedpotatoes.

Aseverymorninghadstarted,shortlyafterheawoketheguardscametothecellanddepositedlargespoonfulsoftheslopintoeachofthecupsthathadbeengiventoalloftheprisoners.

Butunlikeotherdays,aftertheyhadalleaten,severalguardscameback.Atfirst,theytalkedamongstthemselvespointingfromoneprisonertothenextuntilfinallytheyopenedthecelldoor.Withthreeoftheguardsarmedtopreventescape,theyselectedtwooftheprisoners,attachedachaintothemetalcollartheyallworeanddraggedthemaway.ThispatternkeptupuntilfinallyonlyTomremained.

"Whereareyoutakingme!!!"heyelledattheguards.Buttheguardsremainedsilent.Theydraggedhimdownthehall,upaturboliftanddownanotherhallbeforefinallystoppingatadoor.Theypusheditopenanddraggedthepilotinwiththem.

Therebeforehimstoodfourmorealiens,twoofwhomcameforward.TheyplacedmanaclesoneachofTom'swristsandhelpedtheguardsthatbroughthimdowntoimmobilizehimbyusingthechainsattachedtothemanacles,theypulledbotharmsoutinaspreadeaglefashion.

BehindhimadoorslidopenandZetenandEnskewenteredtheroom.

"Holdhimfast,"Zetenorderedtheothers.Thefourtookafirmholdonthechainsandtheothertwotightenedthetetheraroundthepilot'sankles.Hewasgoingnowhere.Hewasattheirmercy.

"Preparehim,"Enskewsaid.

Oneofthetwothathadtightenedthetetheraroundhisanklesreachedintoaninsidepocketandwithdrewanugly,largeknife.

Therewasnothinghecoulddo.Therewasnowheretorun,heclosedhiseyes.Pleaseletitbeswift,heprayed.God,pleaseprotectB'Elannaandtheboys.Keepthemsafe.Hefeltonethealiensclutchthefrontofhisgreytunictop.Thisisit,*hethought.I'llbewaitingforyouinSto-Vo-Kor,mylove

Withaswiftmovementthetunicwasslicedfromthenecklinetothebottomedge.Tom'seyesflewopeninsurprise.Whataretheydoing?Nextthebladecameuptohisshouldertheagainthematerialwassevered,andagainontheothershoulder.Thetunicfelltothedeckleavingthepilotbarefromthewaistup.NextthewaistbandofTom'sshortswerepulledawayfromhisbodyandtheytoosoonjoinedthetuniconthedeckandTomwasleftstandingnakedamongthealiens.

LookingatTom'sassetsEnskeweyeswidenedandhewhisperedtoZeten.

Zetennodded."Yes,Ithinkyou'reright.Thepricehasrisen."

Asthegreedytwotalked,thealienthathadusedtheknifereturnedittoitshidingplaceandgrabbedapairofwhatlookedtoTomlikelargebroomsthathadbeenrestingagainstthewall.

"Stop!!!"yelledEnskew."Notthose.Usethesoftonesoverthere.Wecan'taffordtodamagethisone."Hepointedtowardtheotherendoftheroomatasimilarpairof'brooms'butthesehadasoftfoam-likematerialattachedtotheends.

Thealiendidastheyweretoldandbroughtbothofthembackalongwithabucket.Handingoneofthe'brooms'tohispartnerbothdippedthefoamendsintothebucketoffoamywaterandproceededtoswapTom,makingsuretogeteveryinchoftheman.

"Heyyouknow,"Tomquipped."IfIsmelledthatbadallyouhadtodowastellme,Iwouldhavebeengladtotakeabath."

"Quiet!!!"Zetenroaredandthefourholdingthemanaclesjerkedonthechainscausingpaintojoltuphisarmsanddownhisback.

WhenthewashingwasfinishedthetwoguardspressedabuttononthewallandfromaboveTomalargequantityoficecoldwaterwasreleasedrinsingthesoapyfoamoffhisskin.

Tomshookhisheadtotrytotryandgetridofasmuchwaterfromhishairaspossible."What'sthemattercan'taffordtoheatthewater?"heasked.

"Takehimtotheholdingcellanddresshim,"Enskeworderedandthetwofriendslefttheroom.

Tomwaspulledoutoftheroomandplacedinanothercellmuchliketheoneheandhisfellowprisonershadoccupiedforthepasttwoweeks.Awhiteshirtandshortswherethrowninafterhim.

Shortlyaftertheywerebeamedtotheplanet,Tomalongwithmostofhisfellowprisonersstoodinacourtyardjustoutsidethegateofabeautifulpalace.Thewallsofthemauvecoloredbuildingglimmeredinthesunlight.Finallythegateopenedandtwoofhisfellowprisonerswereherdedthrough.Thiscontinuedwithonlyafewreturninguntilheagainwasthelastoneremaining.TheGabionsforcefullypulledhimoutofthecellholdingthechainattachedtohiscollar.

Theywalkedalittlewaysintothepalacegrounds.AlongthewayTomnoticedthathesawmostlywomen.Anymenthathesawwerealldressedindarkgreentopswithshortsleevesandverysmallshortsandtheywereallcarryingthingsorpushingthings.

FinallytheyreachedtheanotherdoorandTomwasledintoanopulentroom.Itwasdecoratedinpurpleandsilver.Softloungesedgedtheroomandpottedplantswhereinterspersedinbetween.Musicemanatedfromthebackoftheroomwhereseveralyoungmenplayedstrangelookinginstruments.ZeteandEnskewwerealreadytherewaitingforthemwithsmilesontheirfaces.

Theybroughtthepilotoutintothemiddleoftheroomandatallmandressinthesamedarkgreenclappedhishands.Beforelongatallelegantlydressedwomanenteredtheroom.

"ThisisourbestLadyDaylia,"ZetensaidandmotionedforhisguardtopullTomforwardtowardtheLady.

"What'sgoingonhere!!"Tomdemanded.

TheLadyglaredathim.Howdarehespeakinaraisedvoicetoher?Butdespitehisinsolenceheintriguedher.Shelookedhimoverandwhatshesawshelikedverymuch.Hiseyeswerethecolorofaclearsky,*howunusual,*shethought.Andhishairwasthecolorofthesunshine.Shereachedupandtriedtotouchthetopofhisheadbuthejerkedaway."Showmemore,"shedemanded.

ZetennoddedhisheadandtwooftheguardsandswiftlymovedtowardTom.Tomstruggledbuttheguardsquicklysubduedhim.

"Heywhatareyoudo..."Tomstartedtosaybeforealargehandclampeddownoverhismouth.

TheguardsthenremovedhistopfortheLady'sinspection.

"Hmmmm,"shemurmured.He'sgoldenallover,shethoughtandextendedonelonggracefulhanduptorunherslenderfingersthroughhischesthair.Ihavetohavehim,he'samagnificentspecimen,sounique,eventhoughheisundisciplined,butIcantakecareofthateasyenough.

Sheremovedherhandfromtheman'schestandspunonherhealtryingtoretainheraloofappearance.

"Price?"sheaskedsimply.Itbotheredhertodobusinesswithmales.

Zetenwithouthesitationquotedapriceof500quens,apricefivetimeshisusual.Enskewhadtofightnottobesurprisedatwhathisfriendsaid.

"500quens?"theLadyasked."Thatseemsverysteep."

"IfImayyourLady,"Zetensaidasheapproachedher.Shenoddedandhebenthisheaddowntoherlevelandwhisperedinherear.

TheLady'seyesgrewwideindisbelief.Zetenbentdownoncemoreandwhisperedagain.

"Showme,"sheordered.

ThetwoapproachedTomwhowasstillbeingrestrained.Zetenreacheddownandgrabbedthewaistbandofthepilot'sshortsandpulleditoutawayfromhisbody.TheLadypeereddowninsideandshelickedherlips.Shelikedwhatshesaw.

"Sold."shesaid.Shemotionedtotheoverseersofherslaveswhowasstandingagainstthewall."Takehimtobetrainedandbesurepreparehimwell."Chapter6

Threemonthslater,theseniorofficersweresittingaroundthelargetableintheConferenceRoom.Ithadbeenaverylongthreemonths.ShortlyafterTom'sdeathVoyagerhadbeenattackedbyawarriorrace.ItwasonlyrecentlythatVoyagerhadbeencompletelyrepaired.Theyhadonlytraversedaboutfiftylight-yearsduringthattime.Theassembledofficerswereextremelysolemn,butB'Elannawasmostofall.Evenafterthreebusymonths,shestillcouldn'tgetoverthefactthatherhusbandwasgone.Hereyesalwayswanderedtotheemptychairacrossfromher.Forthefirstfewweeks,shewouldstareatit.Afteramonth,hereyeswouldwaterandsheturnedaway.Now,shecouldbarelylookatit.

CaptainJanewayhadtoforceherselfnottolookattheemptychairateverymeeting.Shewouldhavegladlyconductedthemeetingssomewhereelse,butshebelievedtheseniorofficersneededclosure.Evenafterthreemonths,totheofficersitstillseemedasifsomethingwasmissing.

*Andsomethingismissing,*Janewaythoughtassheopenedthemeeting,Tomiswhat'smissing.

Theofficerslookedather,andJanewaytookadeepbreathandbegan,"NeelixjustinformedmethatwearelowonfoodandEngineeringneedsdilithium.Mr.KimhastoldmethatwearenearingasystemwithanM-Classplanet.Ensign,Iwantyoutoscanfordilithium."

Harryjustnoddedhishead.HehadbeenstaringattheemptychairasifhisownwillcouldbringTomback.Heknewnothingwouldeverbethesame.

"Allright.Dismissed,"Janewaysaid.It'sbesttokeepthesemeetingsshort,untiltheyhaveadjusted.

Thestaffleftasquietlyastheyentered.Notoneofthemsaidaword.Janewaywasnotsurprised.Theyhadn'tsaidawordinthemeetingssinceTomwaskilled,eventheBridgewasunnaturallyquiet.Sheunderstoodhercrew'sslipintodepression,shewasdepressedaswell.TheCaptainalsoknew,thoughthatiftheydidn'tcomeoutofit,soon,shewouldhavetosendthemalltoSickbay.

JanewaysighedandmadeherwaytotheBridge.ShetrulywishedthatTomwasstillalive.Thingswouldbemuchbetteronthisship.

*Iwonderifheeverknewhowmuchhemeanttothepeopleonthisship?*JanewaythoughtasshestrodeacrosstheBridgetoherchair,Iwonderwhathewouldhavesaidifheknew?

Janewaystaredaheadattheviewscreen.Afterthreemonths,shestillcouldn'tlookattheconnstation.Shejustcouldn'tbringherselftodoso.ShortlyafterTom'sdeath,shehadbeenonthebridgeandnotthinkingshehadcalledonhimtoreporttotheBridge.Ofcourseshereceivednoanswerandshethenrealizedwhy.Shecouldbarelystopthetearsfromflowing.Unfortunately,B'ElannawasontheBridgeatthetime,andsheknewthehalf-Klingondidn'tneedtoberemindedthatherhusbandwasnolongerwiththem.Eversincethen,Janewayhadceasedlookingattheconnstation.Shedidn'tneedanyreminderseither.

Janewaytookadeepbreathandsaid,"Mr.Kim.Report."

"Thereisanabundanceofdilithiumonthethirdcontinentoftheplanet.Thereisavillagenearby."

JanewaylookedatChakotay.Hisexpressionmirroredherown.Theyneededthedilithium.Butcouldtheyriskcontactwiththevillagetogetit?

Theirquestionswereansweredbytheensign'snextstatement,"Captain,wearebeinghailed."

"Onscreen."Janewaybarelyheldbackhersurprise.

Thestarfieldwasreplacedbyawomaninherthirties.Herhairwaswildandshehadfeathersandbeadsdecoratingit.Hereyesheldadominatingfireinthem.Hervoicecommandedrespectasshespoke.

"Whoareyouandwhyareyouhere?"thewomandemanded,staringateachoftheminturn.HereyesfelllastlyonJaneway.

Janewaystoodupandwenttostandbehindtheconn,"IamCaptainKathrynJaneway,oftheFederationstarshipVoyager.Wearehere,becauseoursensorspickedupasupplyofdilithiumnearyourvillage."

"Dilithium?Ah.Weminethatmetalaswell,itisveryusefulandpowerful."ThewomanraisedherhandandpointedherfingeratJaneway."Youaretheirleader?"

Janewaynodded,"Yes.Iam.Maywecomedownandminesomedilithium?"

Thewomansmiled,"MynameisDaylia.Yes,youmaycomedown.Ifyoubringanotherwithyou,butmakesureitisawoman.Wedon'tallowmen."

Janewaynodded,"Wewillbethereintwentyminutes."

Dayliaagreedandthescreenreturnedtotheplanet.

"Amazons,"Chakotaysaid,"Wonderful.AraceofAmazons."

Janewaysmiled.ShethensawB'Elannaeyeingher.Sheknewthattheengineerwantedtobetheonetomineforthemineral.Janewayagreedcompletely.

B'Elannawouldknowhowmuchwasneededandthetimeawayfromtheshipwouldbegoodforher.

"B'Elanna,youarewithme.Chakotay,youhavetheBridge."

ThetwowomenthenlefttheBridgefortheplanetbelow.

*****JanewayandB'Elannamaterializedafewminutes'walkfromthevillage.Theycheckedtheirtricordersandlookedateachother.Thedilithiumwasclosertothevillagethantheyfirstthought.Theyclosedtheirtricordersandwalkedtowardthevillage.

Whentheyarrivedinthevillage,theysawthatthevillagersweredressedveryscantily.Thevillagewasinhabitedbymostlywomen.Chakotay'swordsaboutAmazonscamebacktothem.Indeed,thesewomenwereliketheAmazonsfromEarth'shistory.Theycaredspearsorlargedaggerswiththemastheywalked.Theirhairwaslooseandwild.Theyworedarkclothesthatbarelyhidanything,andsomehadpaintedfaces.

Thetwowereshockedbythemen.Thefewthattheysawweredressedinbluetunicsandskimpydarkshorts.Theywerealsobarefooted.Theywalkedaroundlikezombiesandseemedtobefollowingcertainwomen.Someofthemenwereattachedtothewomenbyropes.Andsomewerewashingthewomenwhileothersweremassagingtheirbodies.

JanewayandB'Elannastaredateachother,eachcomingtothesameconclusion.ThemenwereslavestotheseAmazons.TheyhadheardofolderculturesonEarthandafewotherplanetsdoingthistowomenandotherminorities,buttheyhadneverseenitdonetomenwhoappearedtobehealthyandstrong.Theydidn'tliketheideaofslaveryatall,buttheyhadtoremindthemselvesthattheywereherefordilithium.Thesepeople'sculturewasnoneoftheirbusiness.

ThetwowalkedintothevillageandweregreetedalmostatoncebyDaylia.Shealsohadtwomaleservantsbehindher.Shesmiledatthemanddippedherheadingreeting.

"Hello,KathrynJaneway,"shesaid.ShethenturnedtoB'Elanna,"Andwhoisthis?"

"ThisisB'ElannaTorres.SheisChiefEngineeronVoyager."

Dayliaeyedthehalf-Klingonapprovingly.Shesmiledandnodded,"Good.Captain,Iwouldenjoyitifyouwouldstayforabit.Yousee,wehardlygetanyoutsiders.Thosethatdocome,aremale,"shespat.

B'Elannahadtofightdownherretort.Sheknewthatmencouldbepigs.Hell,herhusbandusedtobeone,butshedidn'tthinkthatwasaverygoodreasontodespisethemandnothaveanythingtodowiththem.

Daylianoticedthehalf-Klingon'sreactiontoherstatement.Sheignoreditthough.Sheknewnottobelievethatallwomenwerelikeherpeople.Sheknewthattherewerefemalesouttherethatsimplyadoredthemalegender.Evenstayingwiththemaftermating.Shefounditawasteoftimeandenergy.Sheknewmenweregoodforonlyonething,andshemadesurehermenknewthat.

"Thatwouldbefine,Daylia,"Janewaysaid,"I'msurewecouldspendthenighthere.Itisalovelyvillageyouhave."

Dayliasmiled,"Thankyou,Captain.Wetakeprideinourvillage.Letmeshowyouaround.J'neck,Quelin,gogetTeryekready.Iwouldliketoshowthesetwomyprize."

JanewayandB'ElannastaredateachotherthenatDaylia.

"WhoisTeryek?"B'Elannaasked.

Dayliasmiledwithanarrogantpride,"Heisonlymymostprizedmale.Helookslikehecamefromthegodsthemselves.Justwaituntilyouseehim."

ThetwowomenfromVoyagerstaredateachotheragain.Theircuriositywaspiqued.Theywouldstayawhilelongerjusttoseethis"god"themselves.

Chapter7

Daylialedthemintoherformalgardenarea.Itwasinfullbloomwithmanydifferentcoloredflowersandthesmelloftheflowerspermeatedtheair.TheLadytookherplaceonthethronethathadbeenplacedjustforthemeetingonaraiseddaisinthemiddleofthegarden.

Twoofthemaleslaveswerewearingthetypicalgreenoutfitsbutthirdworeadarkredoutfit.Theonewearingtheredwalkedwithhisblondheadlowered,eyescarefullyfocusedontheground,totakeapositiontoDaylia'sright.HethenslightlyraisedhisheadsohisblueeyesfocusedonanareaofgroundjustinfrontoftheVoyagervisitors.

B'Elanna'sbreathcaughtinherthroat.ShehadtofighttheurgetolaunchherselfattheslavefortherebesidetheleaderoftheAmazonsstoodherhusband.Butsomethingwaswrong,hedidn'tseemtorecognizeeitherherortheCaptain.Lookingathimagain,carefullystudyinghisappearance,shenotedthatTomlookedlikehell,asifhehadn'tsleptindays.Shewantedtogotohim,toholdhim,butsomethingabouthimcausedhertohesitate.

"Tom'salive,"shewhisperedtotheCaptain.Shewasstunned.

Janewaynodded,knowingthatthehalf-Klingonwantedtoruntoherhusband.

TheCaptainstaredatTom,concerned.

*Something'swrongwithhim,*Janewaythoughtnoticinghisalmostcatatonicstate,He'semotionless.I'veseenVulcansshowmoreemotionthanheisrightnow.

"Teryek,comehere!"Dayliademanded.

B'ElannaandJanewaywatchedasTommovedtostandinfrontoftheLady.JanewayheardB'ElannagaspwhenDayliakissedTom,passionately.

"Thatp'taQ!"B'Elannashouted.Shemadeamovetocharge,butJanewayheldherback."Letmego!"

"B'Elanna,look.There'ssomethingwrong.Tomdoesn'tknowwhathe'sdoing.He'skissingherwithoutemotion--likeazombie.He'sexpressionless."

B'ElannaceasedtostruggleasshesawTomturnaround.Shetriedtocatchhisattention,butheonlystaredattheground.Shewasconfused.Heneverwassoquiet,someek.Somethingisdefinitelywronghere.Daylialookedbackatthetwobeforeherandnoticedtheinteresttheyshowedinherprizepossession,"ThishereisTeryek,heismyfavoriteslave,"sheexplainedassheranherfingersthroughhisgoldenhair.Withherotherhandshestrokeddownhisbackuntilherfingersencounteredhisbuttwhichshesqueezedasifshewereinspectingfruitinthemarketplace."Hepleasuresmebeyondbelief."

B'Elannatriednottogrowl,butagrumbledidescape.

"Whatdoeshisnamemean?"Janewayasked,tryingtokeeptheconversationlightforthemoment.

TheLadysmiled,"Doyoulikeit?Inamedhimmyself.Itmeans,SunthatShinesonWater.Heissuchamagnificentsighttobehold,isn'the?Nooneelselookslikehim.Heisuniqueandthereformine."

B'Elannagrowledlow.Herhusbandwasaliveandrighttherebeforeher.Shewantedhimback,andshewasnotgoingtoletthisp'taQstandinherway.WhenshesawDayliarunherhandsthroughTom'shair,andkisshimagain,shelaunchedherselfatthem.

"NO!"

B'ElannashovedasurprisedDayliaawayandcuppedTom'sfaceinherhands.Shestaredintohiseyesandfroze.Therewasnolightshininginthoseblueorbs.Thereweredullandlifeless.Achillwentupherspine.

"Tom?"Wasallshegotoutbeforeshefeltherselfshovedtooneside.

"KeepyourhandsoffofTeryek!Nooneisallowedtotouchhim.He'smine!"

B'Elanna'sgrowlwasthatofatigerbeingchallenged.Shestoodup,scowling.

"Heismyhusband!Mymate!Imarkedhim!He'smine!!"

Daylialaughed.Tomonlystoodtheremute,hiseyeslowered,hisdullbluegazefixedonhisfeet.Somethingabouttheangrywomanseemedfamiliar,buthecouldn'tplaceit.Hewantedtolookather;toseewhatshelookedlike,butthememoryofthelaserwhips,preventedhim.

"Howcanhebeyourmate?"theLadyaskedlaughing.ShethennarrowedhereyesatB'Elanna."Letmeseeyouproveit,"shechallenged.

B'ElannasnarledandabruptlyturnedawayfromtheLadywhatcanIsaytohertoprovethathe'smyTom?shethought.Immediatelythoughsheknew.Pivotingbackaround,sheraisedherhandpointingherfingeratDaylia,"Hehasadiamond-shapedmoleonhisback,nearhisspine.Ifit'sthere,heismymate."

Dayliaglaredather,shecouldn'trememberanysuchmarkingsoshenodded.Theninacoldvoicesheasked,"Ifhedoesn't,willyoutakeyourpreciousdilithiumandleave?"

B'ElannaandJanewaynodded.Thehalf-Klingonthenadded,"Ifthereisamole,hewillcomewithus."

"Agreed,"Dayliasaid.Shethenturnedtotheyoungblondman,andorderedhimtoremovehistunic.

B'ElannacouldbarelycontainherselfasTom,hisbacktoDaylia,withoutanyhesitationremovedhisdarkredtunic.Sherememberedeveryinchofhisbody.Shewantedsomuchtotouchhimaftersolongapart.DayliagaspedasshestaredatTom'sbackfortherebeforeherwasthemolejustastheVoyagerwomanhaddescribed.SheglaredatB'Elanna,therewasnowayshewouldgiveupTeryeknomatterwhatshehadsaidbefore.ShewenttotheCaptainandB'Elanna,scowling.

"Hestays.Takeyourdilithiumandgo!"

B'Elannasnarled,hereyesflashing,"Tomdoeshaveamole!Ihavehadenough

ofthis.Heismine!Ichallengeyouforhim!IfIwin,hecomesbackwithme!"

TheLadylaughedinwardly.Sheknewshecouldtakethissmallwomaneasily.Sheacceptedandreadiedherself.

B'ElannaignoredeverythingaroundherasshepreparedtofighttheLady.Shewasgoingtowinthisfight.ForTom.Fortheirchildren.Forherself.

TheLadyactedfirst,kickingB'Elanna,buttheengineerblockediteasily.DancingaroundDaylia,tryingtothinkofthebestoffense,B'Elannablockedablowaimedatherhead.ThenshedeliveredasharpblowtotheLady'sface.Dayliawentdown,stunned.

B'ElannalifedherrightfoottosmashDaylia'sprettyface,buttheLadycaughtherfoot.SheyankedonB'Elann'sfoot,causinghertoloseherbalance.Thehalf-Klingonlandedonthegroundbesidethenwoman.

DayliajumpedtoherfeetandattemptedtotrytostompB'Elanna.TheengineerrolledoutofthewaythenlegsweepedtheAmazonleadersendingherfacefirstintothedirt.

B'Elannathengottoherfeet,walkedovertoDaylia,grabbedherlonghair,andyankedherheadback.Snarlingintothewoman'searsheroared."ITOLDyouheisMINE!,"B'ElannathenslammedDaylia'sfaceintothegroundhard.Shedidthistwice,beforeDayliaelbowedherintheribs.WhenB'Elannadidn'tbudge,Dayliaelbowedheragain.B'ElannaletgooftheLady'shead.Dayliatriedtogetbackup,butthehalf-Klingonkickedherinthestomach,flippingherover.Now,onherback,shestaredintotheangrydarkeyesofB'ElannaTorres.

B'ElannaliftedherleftfoottostompDayliainthestomach,buttheLadyquicklyrolledoutoftheway.Shethenjumpedtoherfeet,andkickedB'Elannainthestomach.Theengineerdoubledoverinpain,butshestillblockedthenextattackfromDaylia.Sheglaredattheotherwoman,herdarkeyesonfire.Hardandmercilous.blackasobsidiantheyterrifiedDaylia.Shetriedtowrenchherhandfreefromthehalf-Klingon'sgrip,butitwastight.Painfullytight.

B'ElannasawthefearbuildingintheLady'seyes.Sheknewthiswomanwasa

cowardfromthefirsttimeshelaideyesonher--shecouldsmellit.B'ElannasmiledwickedlyasshetwistedDaylia'swrist.ShedelightedinhearingtheLadycryoutinpain.Twistingthewoman'sarm,shesmiledindelightatanothercry.

DayliatriedtotripB'Elanna,butthepaininherarmwastoomuch.Shebarelynudgedtheengineer'sleftleg,andfeltherarmalmostbreakasB'Elannakepttwistingit.TheLadyrealizedthatshehadunderestimatedthisalienwoman.

"Enough,please!"Dayliabegged.

"Tomismine!Hewillcomewithme!"B'Elannashoutedforalltohear.

"Yes!Takehim!Juststop,please!"

B'Elannasmiledinvictory.ShegavetheLady'sarmonelasttwist,thenreleasedher.SmilinglikeaKlingonwarrior,shewatchedherfoecowerinfear.Shethenlookedtoseeastheentirevillagebowedbeforeher.AllherKlingonpowervanishedassherealizedwhatshehadjustdone.IndefeatingDaylia,shebecamethenewleader.ShelookedatJaneway,confusedandafraid.

"AllIwantedwasTom,"B'Elannasaidtohercaptain,"Ididn'twanttobecomethesepeople'snewleader."

Janewaysmiled.Sheknewwhattheengineerwasthinkinganddecidedtoeasetheyoungwoman'sfears.

"I'veheardofpeopledoingthisinoldEarthmyths.Peopledefeatingaleaderofatribeonlytobecometheirnewleader.Whattheysometimesdidwaschoosesomeonefromthevillagetobethenewruler.Whydon'tyoutrythat?"B'Elannacouldseethesenseinthosewords.Shenoddedtohercaptain,thenlookedaroundthevillage.Mostofthepeoplecoweredbeforeher,othersstaredaroundthemconfusedbywhathadhappened.Othersstillstoodstarringindefiance.Approachingthesepeoplefirst.B'Elannastoppedbeforeawomanwhosehairshonelikefire.Staringintothefemale'seyesshesawcourageandwisdom.Behindthatshealsosawtendernessandcompassion.

*JustlikeJaneway,*B'Elannathought.Shethenspokeoutloud,"Whatisyou

name?"

Thewomanbarelymovedassheanswered,"MynameisKristra."

B'Elannanodded,"Icannotstayhere.Iamneededamongmypeople.Youwillbethisvillage'snewruler."

Kristrasmiledandnodded.Sheraisedherspearandshoutedthatshewasthenewruler.Cheerswentupallaroundthevillage.ShethenturnedbacktoB'Elanna.

"Iwilldoyouhonorbygivingyourhusbandbacktoyou.Iwillalsogiveyouthedilithiumthatyousogreatlyneed."

"Thankyou,Kristra,"B'Elannasaid,beaminginside.

KristrathenwenttoDaylia,whowasglaringatB'Elanna.Shewasnowstandingonherfeet,watchingwhatwashappening.WhenshesawKristracomingtowardher,shetriedtoglareback.ShefelttheburninghatredfromKristra'seyesflowtoher.Shebackeddown,tryingtoavoidKristra'sstare.

"You,"thewordwasagrowl,"Youhaveshamedusbymakingustakeslavesinsteadofmates.Veryfewofusdaredtofreeourslaves,forfearthatyouwouldbanishus.Iwantamantobewithmebecausehewantsto,notbecauseIownhim.Fromnowonallslavesinthekingdomwillbefree.Theywillbewelcometostayhereandhelpthechangesbecomearealityiftheysowish,theywillbemostwelcome.Ortheycanleave.Theyarefreetochosewheretheygoandwhattheydo."

Cheersfromthewomencouldbeheardallaround.Afewofthemalescheeredalongwiththem.EverythingquietedagainwhenKristraspokeagain.

"Asforyou,Daylia,"Kristraspatoutthename,"Youarebanishedfromthisvillage.Ifyousomuchasshowyourfacehereagain,youwilldie!"Dayliatriedtopleadtostay.Thevillagewasallthatsheknew.Sherarelyventuredoutsidethevillage.Kristrastoppedherpleadingbypointingherspearintotheforest.

"Go,Daylia,andneverreturn!"

TomoveDayliaalong,Kristrawhackedtheformerleaderacrossherbutt.Daylia,yelped,andquicklyranintotheforest.Shecouldhearlaughterfromthevillagefloodherearsasshedisappearedintotheforest.KristrareturnedtoB'Elanna.ShemotionedforTom,buthedidn'tmove.Hewaslookingaround,thenquicklystaredattheground.Heonlymovedwhenanothermaleformerslavepushedhimtowardhiswife.Hetensedwhenhefeltarmsmovearoundhim.Herelaxedthoughashesomehowremembered.Afeelingofsecuritycameoverhim.Heknewthesearms,buthewasn'tsurehow.

Kristrafeltherheartache.SheknewwhatDayliadidtotheyoungman,howhehadsuffered,anditangeredherevenmore.Shehatedknowingthatsuchapowerfulwoman,whocouldhaveanymanshewantedonlygotthemthroughtheuseofdrugs.Sheshookherhead,andspatagain.

"Thankyou,Kristra,"B'Elannasaid,thankfultohaveherhusbandbackeventhoughheactedlikeastranger.

"You'rewelcome.Now,forthedilithium."

Thetwonoddedastheyfollowedthenewleadertothestorage.

Chapter8

Theridebacktotheshipwasaccomplishedinsilence.Tomsatinthebackoftheshuttlehiseyesfocusedonthefloor.OnceortwicewhenB'Elannatriedtotalktohimandcalledhimbyhisname,hehadn'tevenresponded.ShehadtotellhimthathisrealnamewasTomParisnotTeryek.Buthehadn'trespondedtothatortoher,hejustcontinuedtostareatthefloor.FinallytheCaptainmotionedtoB'Elannatojoinheratthehelm.ShetoldheritwouldbebestnottotalktoTomtoomuchbeforetheDoctorhadexaminedhim.Shefearedthattalkingtohimtoomuchmightconfusehim.

AssoonastheCaptain,B'ElannaandTomreturnedtotheship,theywereallbeameddirectlytoSickbay.TheDoctoruponseeingMr.Parisimmediatelyplacedhimonabiobedandperformedacompletediagnostic.B'Elanna

desperatelywantedtostaywithherhusbandbuttheDoctorinsistedthatsheandtheCaptainwaitinhisofficeuntilhewasfinished.

Afterwhatseemedlikeaneternitytothewomen,theDoctorbadethemtojoinhimbyTom'sbedside.

Tom,dressedinthetypicalSickbayblueoutfit,layonhisside.TheEMHinformedB'ElannaandtheCaptainthatTomhadbeenveryagitatedandconfusedevenafterhehadfallenasleepsohehadgivenTomahypospraytohelphimsleepmorecalmly.

"Doctor,whatiswrongwithhim?"B'Elannaasked.ShereachedoverandclutchedTom'srighthandinherown.

"Well,asyouprobablysawontheplanet,hehasseverescarringonhisbackmostlyfromolderinjuriesbutsomearemuchmorerecent.Andthereisthis."TheDoctorpulledthebackofParisuniformdownandbrushedbackthenowlongerhairtorevealbruisingandpunctureholes."ItappearsthattheyhavebeeninjectingMr.Pariswithadrugthatattacksthememorystorageareasofthebrain.Itprobablyalsofacilitatedhisobedience."

"MyGod,"theCaptainbreathed.B'Elannaswallowedhard.

"ThenewerscarringIwasabletorepairwiththedermalregenerator,butIwasn'tassuccessfulwiththeolderscarring.Someofthosewoundswereverydeep.Itwilltakemanymonthsofgenerativetherapyforthosetoheal,andsomeunfortunatelymaynever."

"Thosedishonorablep'taq,"B'Elannaspatwhenshefinallyregainedhervoice.

TheCaptainagreedwithherengineer'sassessmentofthealiensalbitesilently."Regardinghisamnesia,Doctor.Youcancorrectthatcan'tyou?"theCaptainquestioned.B'ElannaturnedfromfocusingonherhusbandtolookattheDoctoranxiousfortheanswer.

TheEMHsadlyshookhisbaldinghead."Idon'tknow.Thedrugtheyusedonhimandtheamountthatwasinjectedintohissystemduringthattimemakeit

verydifficulttojudgewhen,orif,hewilleverrecoverhismemories."

"If?"bothB'ElannaandJanewaychorused.

"Letmeexplain."TheEMHturnedonacomputermonitorbesidethebiobed."LookatthisvisualdisplayofthebloodsampleItookfromtheLieutenant."

TheCaptainandthehalf-KlingonlookedatthemonitorthattheDoctorreferredto."Thesemolecules,"theEMHsaidpointingtoblueorbsthatwereextremelytinycompartedtothebloodcellsthatwereonthescreen,"arethedrugthathewasgiven.TheyactlikenothingIhaveeverseenbefore.NotonlydotheyattachthemselvestothebloodcellsbutwhenIexaminedtheiractivitywithinthebodytheyseemedtoclingtothebrain'scellularwalls,particularlyintheareaofthebrainthatstoresmemories.ItisthatoccurrencethatIbelieveaccountsfortheamnesia."

"Sowhatisthetreatment?"B'Elannaasked.

"Ijustdon'tknow.RightnowIknowofnomedicineortreatmentthatwilleliminatethedruginhissystem.Icanonlyhopethatthroughtimetheywilldiminishandultimatelydisappear.Ofcourse,Iwillcontinuetomonitorhim.I'mhopefulthatinaweekortwowewillseesomeprogress."

TheCaptainfoughthardnottoletheremotionsshow.Butitwasdifficult,shehadcometothinkofTomasnotonlypartofherVoyagerfamilybutkindofayoungerbrotheraswell."Isthereanythingelseweneedtoknow?"

"Justthatasistypicalformanytypesofdrugwithdrawal,wecanexpectnausea,shaking,headaches,andofcoursewiththistypeofdrugtheygavehimnightmaresmightalsooccur.I'mgoingtokeephimsedatedforacoupleofdays.Hopefully,themostseriouseffectsofthewithdrawalwillbepastbeforeheleavesSickbay."

Twodayslater,TomwakenedaloneinSickbay.B'Elanna,whohadstayedbyhisbedsideformostofthetwodays,hadreceivedanemergencycallfromengineeringandhadleftjustmomentsbeforeTomawoke.

TomopenedhisblueeyessquintingattheharshlightthatlitSickbay.Finallyhiseyesadjustedtothebrightnessandcouldseeamanstandingatatablenottoofaraway.Heresembledthemanwhohemetbeforehehadgonetosleep.

TheDoctor'sprograminformedhimthathispatienthadawokeandhequicklywentovertothebiobedtocheckupontheLieutenant.

"Goodmorning,Mr.Paris!"theEMHchirped.

Tomstaredathimhiseyesstillslightlyunfocusedwiththeeffectsofthedrug,thoughhismindwasclearerthanithadbeeninalongtime.

"Isaidgoodmorning!"

"Morning,"thepilotrepliedverysoftly.

*Well*theEMHmusedIguessIhavetorememberthatwhilehelookslikeTomParisthatdrughasaffectedhissystemtosuchanextentthattherealTomParisislost,buthopefullynotforever.

TheDoctorclearedhisthroatandvisuallyscannedhimbeforehereachedforhismedicaltricorderandexaminedhimthoroughly.Afterseveralminuteshereplacedthetricorder."Mr.Paris,ah...Tom?"HewaitedforaresponsebutTomonlystaredathimwaitingforhimtocontinue."Iamhappytoreportthatyou'realmostasgoodasnew.I'vecalledB'ElannatocomedowntoSickbayandtakeyouhome."TheSickbaydoorslidopen."Ah,theresheisnow."AsmilingB'ElannacamebreezingthroughthedoorsoftheSickbayandheadedovertoherhusband'sside.

"Home?"Tomquestioned,hiseyesneverfocusingonhiswife,neverlookingatthedoctor.Hisbreathingbecamerapidandhebegantosweat.HometohimmeantbacktoDaylia,backtotheinjectionsandthepain."Home?I-I-Idon'twanttogohome.Idon'twa-wanttogobacktotheplanet.Pleasedon'tmakeme."Tompulledhimselfoutofbed,stoodupandclutchedtheDoctor'ssleeve."Pleasedon'tsendmeback,"hepleaded.

"Whatishetalkingabout?"B'ElannaaskedtheDoctor.Hearingherspeak,Tomturnedhisattentiontoher.Heimmediatelyavertedhiseyestothefloor,hopingthathedidsoquickenough,hedidn'twanttobepunished."IrepeatDoctorwhatishetalkingabout?"

TheEMHlookedpuzzedlyatthepilot."Itoldhimthathecouldgohomewithyou,buthethoughtthatImeantthatweweresendinghimbacktotheplanet."

B'ElannaunderstoodandreachedouttograspTom'sarmsinherhands,shebentdownabitandpeeredupintohiseyes.Shealmostreleasedherholdwhenhetrieddesperatelynottolookather."Tom,lookatme.Pleaselookatme?"

Instinctively,hefeltsomehowthathecouldtrusther.Besideshewashersnowandshehadgivenhimanorder,sohelookedintothechocolatedepthsoftheeyesofladybeforehim.

"ListentomeTom.YouarebackhomeonVoyager.YoudoremembermetellingyouaboutVoyagerbeforewelandedtheshuttleyesterdaydon'tyou?"

Tomnodded.

"AndyouremembermetellingDayliathatyouweremyhusbandandhowIfoughtforyou?"

Henoddedagain.

"WellitisalltrueTom.Youaremyhusbandandyouhavecomehomeandnowitistimeforyoutocomebackourcabin.InfactIhaveasurpriseforyou.Youwillcomewithmewon'tyou."

"Ofcourse.Iobey."

B'Elannaclutchedhisfacebetweenherhands."ListenTom,youarenotmyslaveoranyoneelse's.YouaremyhusbandandIloveyou.Doyouunderstandthat?I'maskingyoutocomewithme.ButIonlywantyoutocomeifYOUwantto,notbecauseyoufeelthatyouhavetoobeysomeorder.Okay?"

Tomthoughtthisover.Therewassomuchshesaid,somuchtoabsorb.Butheknewonethinghedidwanttogowiththiswoman."I'llcome."

"Great!"B'Elannabeamedwithjoy.

"Beforeyouleave,"theEMHpipedup."IjustwanttogiveMr.Parisalittleshotofanutritionalsupplement."

TomseeingthehyposprayintheDoctor'shanddidhashehadbeentrained.WithoutquestionhewalkedoverthetoDoctorandturnedhisbacktohim.Withonehandhereachedupbehindhisbackandpulleddownhisshirttorevealthebackofhisneck.Hiseyesclosedandhisteethclenchedinanticipationoftheexcruciatingpainthatalwaysfollowedtheinjections.

B'Elanna'sheartbroke.TheEMHgentlyremovedTom'shandfromhisshirtandwiththeotherhandturnedhimaroundtofacehimandshowedhimthehypospray."Thisiswhatwecallahyposprayanditispainless,Iassureyou."TheEMHmovedthehypospraytothesideofthepilot'sneckandpainlesslyinjectedthenutritionalsupplementintohisbloodstream.Allthewhile,TomlookedattheDoctornervously."Youdon'thavetogetthoseinjectionsinthebackofyourneckanymore."

"Nomore?"

"Nomore,Ipromise."

TomlookedoveratB'Elannaasifforconfirmation.

"He'stellingyouthetruth,Tom.He'saverygoodDoctorandwouldn'thurtyou."

"Promise?"heaskedsoundingallofeightyearsold.

B'Elannasmiledatherhusband,walkeduptohimandlovinglyslippedherarmaroundhiswaist."Ipromise.Nowlet'sgohome.Okay?"

"Okay."

B'ElannaandTomwalkeddownthehallenroutetothecabin.ThecorridorsweredeserteduponordersfromtheCaptain.TheEMHdidn'twantTomtobetoooverwhelmedbytoomanypeopletoosoon.

Theyfinallyreachedtheouterdoortotheirquarters."HereweareTom--homesweethome."B'Elannaopenedthedoorandtheywalkedin.

Tomlookedaround.Sothisismy'home',hethought.Idon'trememberit.Thisallseemssostrange.

"Hello,B'Elanna,isthatyou?!"

B'Elannalaughedatthevoicethatemanatedfromtheboys'bedroom."Yes,it'smeandIbroughthomeasurprise!"

AleracameoutofthebedroomholdingKylebyonehandandLucasbytheother,eachtryingtheirbesttokeepupwiththehalf-Betazoid.

"Tom!"Alerasaidandthenstoppeddeadinhertracks.

Tomuponseeingthewoman,ashehadbeentrained,immediatelyavertedhiseyestothefloor.

Alerastarredathim,notjustsurprisedbyhisactionsbutstartledbythefloodoffeelingsthatcoursedthroughher.FeelingsthatshecouldsensefromTomParis.

B'Elannacouldseethatthehalf-Betazoidwassensingemotionsfromhimbutdeterminedthatnow,infrontofTom,wasnotthebesttimetoaskheraboutthem.Laterwhenhewasn'taroundorinbed,wouldbeabettertime.

"Alera,thanksforstayingwiththeboys,"shewentovertoherfriendandpickedthembothup,oneineacharm."We'lltalklater."

"Anytime.Andifyouneedanything,letmeknow?"

"Ofcourse."

AleraquietlyleftandB'Elannasatdownonthesofawithhertwinsstillineacharm.Theboysnormallysotalkativewerepuzzledbythemanthatstoodbeforehim.Becauseshedidn'twanttoconfusethem,B'Elannahadyettoshowthemtheholoprogramthatshehadlovinglycreatedoftheirfather,theyhadonlyseenpicturesofhim.

"Tom,she'sgone.Youcanlookupnow,"B'Elannasuggestedgently.

Tomraisedhiseyestofocusonthewomanonthesofawiththetwoboysonherlap.

"Tom,pleasecomeoverhereandsitdownbesideme."

"Yesm'lady,"hesaidsoftlyandobeyed.

B'Elanna'sbreathcaughtinherthroat."Tom?"

Helookedather.

"Don'tevercallme'm'lady'everagain.I'myourwife,notyourmistress.Doyouunderstand?"

Henodded.Itseemedthecorrectresponse.

"It'sokayTom.Youhavealottogetusedto,"shesaidandshesmiledathim.Heblessedherwithaslightturnupofthelips.Thefirsttraceofasmilesincetheyhadseenhimontheplanet.

Theblueandbrowneyesfromtheboysfocusedontheman.Eachsilentlyquestionedwhohewas.Tomtoolookedatthepairwonderingwhotheywereaswell.

B'Elannacouldseeherthreemenallinequalstatesofconfusion.

Kyleremovedhisfistfromhismouthandextendedhiswetchubbylefthand

towardsthemanonthesofa.Heturnedhisheadtolookathismother."Dada?"hequestioned.

Lucasturnedhisblueeyestowardandbrotherandgrinned.

Tomlookedatthetwoboysintently.

"Tom,thisoneisLucas,"saidplacingakissonthedarkhairboy'sforehead,"andthislittletroublemakerisKyle,"sheexplainedbestowingasimilarkissontheblondeboy'srightear.

Kylesquealedwithdelight.Herkisshadtickledhisear.

"Tomdoyouknowwhotheseboysare?"

Tomlookedblanklyatthebeautifulwomanwhosatbesidehim."No."Helookedattheboysthatsatonherlap."ShouldI?"

B'Elanna'sheartsankabit.Shehadhopedthatshemightbeabletoperformalittlemiracle.ThatassoonasTomsawhissonshismemorymightcomeback,butobviouslythatwasnottobe.

"Theseareyoursons,Tom.Oursons."

Hehadsons?Hedidn'tknowwhattosay,sohesaidnothing.

"I'veshowedthemyourpictureeveryday.Ineverwantedthemtoforgetyou."

Inotonlyhaveawife,butIhavesons?Tomtentativelyraisedhishandtotouchtheblondehairedchildbutjustbeforehisfingertipswouldhavetouchedtheboy'shandhestoppedandbroughtitback.Thisistoomuch.HowcanIbeahusbandandafather?IhatedbeingwiththeLadybutatleastitwassimpler,easier.GodswhatdoIdo.

B'Elannanoticedhispuzzledexpressionandcursedherselfforintroducinghimtotheboysthissoon.Shehadhopedforamiracle,butinsteadonlysucceededinconfusingTom.Thelastthingshewantedwastocausehimanymorepain--he

hadsufferedenoughduringthelastthreemonthswithoutherbeingtheonetohurthim.

"I'ms-s-sorry,"hestammeredandburiedhisheadinhishands."Idon'tknowwhattodo,whattosay."

"No,I'mtheonewhoshouldbesorry,Tom.Thiswasmuchtoosoonforyou."

"Dada--sad."Lucassaidhiseyesbrightwithtearsandhislowerlipstuckoutinapoutreflectinghisfather'ssadness.Forcomfort,heburiedhisfaceinhismother'sneckthoughhiseyesneverlefthisfather.

"Yes,Lucas,yourDaddyissadandpartofitismyfault,"shetoldherson.B'Elannathought.Itwasstilltooearlyfortheboystogotobed,maybeAlerawouldcomebackandtakethemforafewhours."Tom?"

Tombroughthishandsdownawayfromhisface.

"Tom,I'velaidoutsomeofyourclothesonthebed,"themotionedwithherheadtotheright."Whydon'tyougochange?I'mgoingtoseeifAlerawillcomegettheboysandkeepthemforalittlewhile."

Followingthedirectionofthenod,Tomarosefromthesofaandenteredthebedroomtochange.B'ElannacalledAleraandshortlyAlerashoweduptotaketheboysonaholodeckwalk.Tomwasstillinthebedroomwhilethewomensettledtheboysintheirstroller.

"I'msoworriedabouthim,"B'Elannawhisperedtoherfriend.

"Iamtoo,"Aleraadmittedsoftly."Icouldsenseitearlier,B'Elanna,hisemotionsareverystronganddisturbing.He'sterriblyconfused.It'slikehe'slost."

"Iknow,"B'Elannaadmittedtuckingablanketovertheboys'legs."ButwhatcanIdotohelphim?"

"Justlovehim,butdon'tpushhim,"thehalf-Betazoidrecommended.

"Thefirstpartiseasy,butIhopeIhavethepatienceforthesecond."

AfterAleraleftwiththeboys,B'Elannawentbacktothebedroomtoseewhatwaskeepingherhusband.Shefoundhimdressedintheclothesshehadlaidoutforhimbutstandinginthemiddleoftheroomholdinghisdirtyclothes.

"What'sthematter,Tom?"B'Elannaasked.Shereachedtotaketheclothesthathehadwornfromhim."Areyouhungry?Doyouwanttoeat?"

Henoddedhishead.Hewashungry.

"Comeonthenyoucanhelpme."B'ElannaledandTomfollowedherbackoutintothemainroomandovertowherethekitchenareawas."Whatwouldyoulike?Youcanhaveanythingyouwant."

Helookedatherpuzzled.Hecouldn'trememberanyoneaskinghimwhathewanted.

"Howaboutsomepizzawithcaterianolives?Youalwaysusedtolikethat."Henoddedandsheplacedanorderlargeenoughforthetwoofthem.

Assoonasthemealmaterializedshepickedupthesteamingpizzafromthereplicatorandbroughtittothetable.

"Smellsgooddoesn'tit?"B'Elannaaskedherhusband.

Actuallyitdidsmellprettygood,alotbetterthanthefoodhehadeatenontheplanet.HenoddedhisheadandwaitedforB'Elannatositatthetableandhepreparedtoserveher.Heplacedacleannapkinonherlapandasliceofthefoodonherplate.

"Doyouwantmetofeedyounow?"heasked.

"DoIwantyoutowhat?"B'Elannaaskedincredulouslyinaloudvoice.

Tomclearedhisthroat."Iaskedyou..."

"Iknowwhatyouaskedme.Andno,Idon'twantyoutofeedme!"B'Elannaroared.

Tomimmediatelydroppedtoonekneeashehadbeentaught."I'msorryifI'veoffendedyou,B'Elanna.Iawaityourpunishment."Heshuthiseyestightlyandwaited.

"GodsTom,I'msorry,"B'Elannabreathed.Shepushedbackthechair.Hetrembledinanticipationofpain.Butinsteadoftheanticipatedretaliation,shekneeledinfrontofhimandembracedhim."Whatdidtheydotoyou?"sheasked.

Heopenedhiseyesandsawthatthewoman'sdeepbrowneyeswerebrimmingoverwithtears.Shewascrying,herealized,cryingforhim.TheLadynevershowedthiskindofemotion,onlylust.Hegaveintothemomentandembracedheraswellwhilehertearsflowed.Finallyshestoppedandlookedupathim,buthiseyesstilllookedcloudeddevoidofthepassionthatsheknewhepossessed.

B'Elannabroughtherrighthanduptohispaleleftcheekandstrokedittenderly."Tom,thisisyourcabinasmuchasitismine.AndI'myourwife,yourpartner,notyourmistress.Nowbothofusgoingtositatthetableandeat--together.Okay?"

Henoddedhisheadandhelpedherupfromthefloor.

AftertheyateandcleanedupB'ElannanoticedthatTomlookedexhaustedandsuggestedthatmaybehewouldliketogotobed.Sheshowedhimbacktothebedroom,turneddownthecoversofthebed,andtoldhimthathewouldsleepthereforthenight.Sheshutthedoor.SoonAlerabroughttheboysbackandshesettledthemdowntothenightaswell.Finally,B'Elannastretchedoutonthesofaandafterawhileslippedoffthesleepherself.

ThenextmorningB'Elannarosefromthecouch,foldeduptheblankets.Shepeekedinattheboysandfoundthattheywerestillsoundasleep.Sheopenedthedoorandlookedinatherhusbandandsawthatthebedwasuntouchedfromthe

nightbefore.Hewascurledupandshiveringonthefloorbesidethebed.

Shetooktheextrablanketfromthebedandkneltdownbesidehimandcoveredhim.TheDoctorhadwarnedheraboutthewithdrawalsymptoms.

Feelingtheweightoftheblanketfalloverhim,TomopenedhiseyesandfoundthatB'Elannawastherebesidehimtuckingtheblanketaroundhim.

"Isthatbetter?"B'Elannaasked.

"Yes.Thankyou."

"Whydidn'tyousleepinthebed?"

"Becausemyplaceisonthefloor,"heexplainedsimply.

Eventhoughshewantedtoknowmore,B'Elannaleftitatthat."Areyoureadytogetup?Ordoyouwanttosleepmore?"

"I'llgetup."

B'Elannahandedhimacleansetofclothestochangeintoandpointedhiminthedirectionofthebathroomwhileshechangedherself.Sheknewthattheboyswouldprobablysleepforanothercoupleofhoursbeforetheywouldbereadytogetup.Whenshereturnedtothemainlivingareashecouldhearsoundsofretchingfromthebathroomarea.Morewithdrawalsymptoms,sheconcludedandwenttojoinhim.

Whensheopenedthedoor.Tomwassittingcross-leggedonthefloor,hisheadinhishands.Hisfacewassweatyandpaleandhehadstartedshakingagain.Shewetafaceclothandlovinglywashedhisface.Allthewhile,helookedupatherwithhisbeautifulblueeyes.Ifthiswasanexampleofwhattodaywasgoingtobe,itwasgoingtobeaverylongdayB'Elannathought.

Andthedaywas.

Shortlyaftertheboysaroseandhadtherebreakfast.Shehadoneofthefemale

ensignstaketheboysfortheday.Sheknewshewouldhaveenoughtodotakingcareofherhusband.Thewithdrawalsymptomsseemedtofollowacycle.Firsttheshaking,thenthevomiting,andthenthesweats,andthoughhedidn'tcomplainofit,fromthepinchedexpressionhewore,sheknewthathehadaheadacheaswell.

Finallylateintheevening,afterKyleandLucashadreturnedandwereputtobed,Tomstartedtofeelbetter,thoughhewasverytired.

Notwantingtoleavehimalongduringthenight,B'ElannaslippedunderthecoversoftheirbedandaskedTomtolaydownbesideher.Beforelongbothofthemhaddriftedofftosleep.

Chapter9

B'Elannawoketofindherselfaloneinbed.Shesatup,andlookedaroundthebedroom.Tomwasnowhereinsight.Shequietlycalledhisnameassheslippedoutofbed.Sheheardmumblingbelowher,andshecautiouslylookeddowntoseeTomlyingonthefloor,asleep.Shekneltbesidehim,andgentlyshookhimawake.

"Tom,wakeup,"B'Elannawhispered.

Tommumbledagain,andopenedhiseyes.Herolledoverontohisback,andlookeduptoseeB'Elanna.

"Whyareyouontheflooragain,Tom?"Sheasked,concerned.

Tomlookedatherstrangely,"TheLadyalwayssaidthatthefloorwasformetosleepon.Sheonlyallowedmeonherbedwhenwewerecoupling."

B'Elanna'seyesflashed.Shewasangry,notonlybecausethatp'taQofawomanmadeTomsleeponthefloor,butalsobecausehehadsexwithher.B'Elannasnarled.

*Calmdown,Torres,*shetoldherself,Tomwaspumpedfullofthatdrug.Hedidn'tknowwhathewasdoing.Heprobablybarelyremembers.

B'ElannalookeddownatTom,whowascalmlystaringather.ShecouldforgivehimforsleepingwithDaylia.Besides,shehadmoreimportantthingstodo.ThatbeinghelpinghimrememberhislifeonVoyager.

Shegentlysmiledathimassheranherhandthroughhishair,atleasthelookedbetterthismorning.Sheknewshehadalotofworkaheadofher,butshewasgoingtoattackitlikeshedidanyproblemshefaced.

"Getdressed,Tom,"B'Elannasaid,"We'regoingforawalk."

Severalminuteslater,TomandB'Elannawerewalkingdownthecorridor.B'Elannawaspushingtheirtwinsalonginthestroller.Hewasstillconfusedaboutthem,evenaftershetoldhimallaboutthem.Hestillcouldn'trememberanythingaboutherortheirchildren.Shewasgettingworriedthathemightneverremember,butsherefusedtogiveup.

Tomthoughkeptlookingaroundathissurroundings.Occasionally,hewouldgetflashesofsomething,butitwasgonebeforehecouldgraspit.Sometimes,hewouldhearvoices,butcouldnotplacethem.

Lastnight,hehadanothertroublingbutwonderfuldream.HelookedoveratB'Elanna.Shewasinhisdream,andtheywerecoupling.Thenashadowwouldtakehimawayasshereachedouttohim.

Tomwouldalsogetasenseoffamiliarityeverytimehewasnearthiswoman.Acoupletimes,hegotanoverwhelmingfeelingofpossessiveness.Thisconfusedhimevenmore.Howcouldhefeelthiswhenhewastheonethatwasapossession?

ThefamilyenteredtheMessHall,andTomstoppedinhistracks.

Anotherflashofsomethingsparkedbeforehiseyes.Afamiliarsmellcametohisnoseafterwards.Hescruncheduphisbrow,shookhishead,thenfollowedB'Elannatoatable.HesatdownandwatchedthechildrenasB'Elannawenttogettheirfood.

Thebabieskeptcallingtohim.Hedidn'tknowwhattodo.Hefeltheshouldsosomething,buthistrainingpreventedhimfromdoinganythingwithoutbeingtoldfirst.

"Youcanholdoneofthemifyouwant,Tom,"B'Elanna'svoicecametohisears.

Tomlookedather.Sheheldatraywithtwomealsonit.Shesetitonethetable,pickedLucasup,thenhandedhimtoTom.Shesatdown,andwatchedTomstareathisson.Shehopedholdingthechildwouldtriggersomething.

Tomstaredintotheboy'sintenseblueeyes.Thepilotrecognizedtheeyes.HelookedatB'Elanna,confused."Lucashasyoureyes,Tom,"thehalf-Klingonexplained,"Kylehasyourhair.Theybothhaveyourmischievoussmile."

ThelastsentencecausealumptoriseinB'Elanna'sthroat.Shewishedsomuchtoseethatsmileagain.Wheneveryonethoughthewasdead,shewassureshewouldneverseehissmileagain,exceptfromtheirsons.

TomlookedatKyle.Hethenranahandthroughhisownblondehair.Heshookhishead,confusedandfrustrated.

"Idon'tknow,"hegroundedout,"Idon'trememberanyofthis!"

B'Elannareachedout,placingahandonhisarm,"It'sallright,Tom.Takeyourtime.It'llcomebacktoyou."

Soon,Ihope,B'Elannasilentlyadded.

Aftertheirmeal,thefamilywentHolodeckTwo.B'Elannadecidedtoshowherhusbandtheveryprogramthatbroughtthemtogether.Shebelievedtheforestprogramwouldtriggermanymemories.Shehopeditwouldwork.Shetappedinthecommands,tookadeepbreath,andwalkedthroughthedoors,Tomfollowed.

Whenthedoorsclosed,theywerecompletelysurroundedbyalushgreenforest.Awaterfallsoundedinthedistance.B'ElannalookedatTom,hopingtoseeaglimmerofrecognitioninhiseyes.

Tomstaredathissurroundingsinawe.Theplacewasbeautiful.Hebreathedinthe"fresh"airandsmiled.

"It'swonderful.Wherearewe?"

B'Elannaofferedasmallsmile.Heclearlydidn'tremember.

"Thisisyourholoprogram,Tom.TheforestisfromCanada."

Tomlookedather.Hecreatedthis?Canada?Heshookhishead.Hehatednotremembering.Heranhandfuriouslythroughhishair.

"Canada?"heforcedhimselftoremember,"That'sonEarth,isn'tit?"

B'Elannanodded,gladherememberedsomething.Itwasastart.

"Youprogrammedthewaterfallacouplemonthslater.Youmadethisespeciallyforme,Tom."

Tomstaredatherthenattheforest.Hemusthavelovedthiswomanverymuchtocreatesomethingaslovelyasthis.

Suddenly,aflashoflightpenetratedhiseyes.Anangryvoicecametohisears.Awoman'svoice.

B'Elanna'svoice.Thenhisvoice.TomshookhisheadashesawhimselfandB'Elannastandingbythewaterfall.TheywerearguingaboutherKlingonside.Thentheywerekissing.ThenB'Elannahurriedlyleft.Thentheimagesandvoicesweregoneasiftheyhadneverhappened.

Tomblinkedthenheshookhisheadagain.Heranahandthroughhishairagainandclosedhiseyes.Herememberedsomething.Thathadtobeit.Herememberedsomething,buthedidn'tknowwhat.Hegrittedhisteethandgrowled.

"Tom?"B'Elannaasked,concerned.

Tomlookedather.Herbrowneyeswerefullofworry.Whatcouldhetellher?Thatherememberedsomething,butdidn'tknowwhatitwas?Heshookhishead.Hedidn'twanttogiveheranyfalsehopes.

"I'mjustfrustrated,"heanswered.Helookedaway,intotheforest.Hetriedtobringbacktheimages,butnothingcame.Hesighedandshookhisheadagain.

B'Elanna'shopesfell.Clearly,hewasn'trememberinganything.

*Thosealiensmusthavedoneanumberonhim,*B'Elannathought,Thatdrugmusthavereallyerasedhismemories.Iwon'tgiveuponhim,though.Hewillremember.

"It'llcomebacktoyou,Tom,"B'Elannavowed,"Youmustbelievethat.Don'tgiveup,Tom."

Tomlookedbackather.Hecouldseethatshewasjustasfrustratedashewas.Heofferedherasmallsmileandnodded.Hewantedtorememberhislifehere.ItmusthavebeenawholelotbetterthanbeingonthatplanetansweringtoeverywhimofDaylia.HewasstartingtobelievemoreandmoreeachdaythathehadbeenusedbyTheLady.Shenevercaredforhimatall,onlyherselfandhermeaninglesspleasures.Heheldbackasnarl,buthisblueeyesflashedwithanger.

B'Elannacaughtthatflashandfeltherheartleapforjoy.Hewasfinallyshowingsomeemotion!Shesmiledatthesmallvictory.

"What'swrong,Tom?"Sheasked,tryingtokeepthejoyfromhervoice.

Tomshookhishead,notlookingather,"Iwanttoremembermylifehere.MaybeI'mtryingtoohard.MaybeifIjustgowiththeflowsomethingwillcomebacktomeunexpectedly."

Helookedatherthen.Sheappearedhurt,butshenoddedherhead.

"I'msorrythatI'mnotrememberinganything,"Tomapologized.

B'Elannasmiledslightly,"Don'tworryaboutit,Tom.Theypumpedyousofullofdrugs,itmighttakesometimebeforeyourememberanythingaboutyourlifeaboardVoyager."

Tomnodded.Hethenofferedherasmile,"Whydon'twetakeawalk?Idoubtyou'dwanttowastethiswonderfulprogrambystandingaround."

B'Elannasmiled.ThatsoundedjustlikeTom.Shetookhishandandthefamilywalkedintotheforest.********ThesmallvictoryshehadontheHolodeckwasasmalloneindeed.Afewhourslater,Tomwasbacktobeingapatheticandconfused.Shewantedtotakehimbacktotheprogramandleavehiminthereuntilherememberedeverything,butthatideawasquicklydiscarded.SheknewthatwhatTomneededwastime--timethatwasquicklybecomingnon-existent.Shewasgettingfrustratedandagitatedwiththelackofprogress.Shewasbeginningtowonderifhewouldeverregainhismemory.

Thenextmorning,B'ElannafoundTomagainlyingonthefloorasleep.Awaveofangerthensympathycameoverher.ShewantedtokillDayliafordoingthistohim.Heroncerobust,full-of-lifehusbandhadbeenreducedtoaninsecure,solemnmanbytheLady.Shewantedtokillthewholevillagefordoingthistohim.Shewantedtokillthepeoplewhotookhimawayfromherandsoldhimtothatp'taQ.

Lookingdownuponhimshecouldseehiseyesmovingbeneaththelidsandhisheadmovefirsttoonesideandthentheother.He'sdreamingB'Elannathoughtasshecrawledoutofthebed.B'Elannakneltdownbesidehimandnoticedthathisbreathingwasbecomingveryrapid.Shesawthatitwasn'tjustadreamhewasexperiencing,itwasanightmare.Shegentlyshookhimawake.Shesoonregretteditwhenhiseyesopenedwideandhescreamed.

"No!Stop!I'lldowhateveryouwant,juststop!"

"Tom!"B'Elannabecamealarmed.Shegentlyshookhisshoulders,coaxinghimtowakeup.Finally,heslowlyopenedhiseyesandstaredather.Shesawthefearandpaininthoseeyes,andshetookhiminherarmstocomforthim.

"It'sallright,Tom,"shewhispered,"Itwasjustadream."

Tomfroze.HeneverreceivedsuchsympathyfromtheLady.Infact,Daylianevershowedhimmuchofanything,exceptpossessiveness.Hedidn'tknowwhattodonowthathewasfacedwithsuchcompassion.Hewasconfused.

B'Elannafelthimtenseup.Sheknewhedidn'tknowhowtohandlethis.Shereleasedhimandstaredintohiseyes.Hewastrulyconfused.

"Doyoufeelbetternow,Tom?"B'Elannaasked.

Tomnodded,"IthoughtIwasbackonthatplanet.I'msorryifIfrightenedyou."

B'Elannaplacedthepalmofherhandagainsthischeek,"It'sallright,Tom."

Tomgrabbedherhandandheldit.Theystaredintoeachother'seyesforseveralminutes.Finally,B'ElannaremovedherhandfromTom'sgraspandstoodup.

"Getdressed,Tom,"shesaid,fallingintoaroutinethattheyhaddeveloptohelphimadjust.Sheknewthatshehadtotellhimwhattodo,orelsehewouldjustsitthere.Shehateddoingit,butshehopedhewouldbreakawayfromthisanddothingsforhimself.Atleast,shemused,shedidn'thavetohelpfeedhim.

Thepastcoupleofdays,though,Tomwasstartingdoingthingsforhimself.Hetookshowers,whichatfirst,hewasincompleteaweof.Now,helovedthem.Onoccasion,shewouldcatchhimsinging.

Shesmiledatthis.Itwasanothersmallsignthathismemorieswereresurfacing.Now,ifthebiggermoreimportantmemorieswouldshowthemselves.

*Justbehappyofthesmallvictories,*shetoldherself,Thelargeroneswillcomesoon.

B'ElannadecidedtotakeTomtoEngineering.Sheknewitwouldn'ttriggeranythingbig,butshehopedhewouldrememberthelittlethingshedidwhenhewasdownthere.Sheknewhehadhelpedheronnumerousoccasionsin

Engineering.Shehopedhewouldrememberoneofthem,atleast.

Theyleftthechildrenwithababysitter,andlefttogotoEngineering.B'Elannawasalittlenervous.ThiswouldbeTom'sfirstappearanceinEngineeringsincehehadreturnedtothisship.Shehopeditwouldn'tbetoomuchforhim.B'ElannahadwarnedherstaffinadvancethatTomwouldbecominghimdown.Shetoldthemtoactnormalandnottooverwhelmhim.

Thecouplelefttheturboliftandheadeddownthecorridortoherrealm.ShehopedthattheywouldsoonventuretotheBridge.Shebelieved,reallybelievedthatmaybeseeingthehelmwouldtriggerhismemories.Helovedtofly,butsomehoweventhathadbeenerased.Oratleast,buriedbythatgodforsakendrug.ShecontinuedtocursetheLadyeveryday,everydaythatshecameupwithamemoryorfeelingthatTomwasmissing.ShetrulywishedTomhadnevergonedowntothatplanetwiththem.Heshouldhaveremainedontheship,safeandawayfromthosepredatorsthattookhimtobesold.

TheyenteredEngineeringandTomstoppedatonce.Hestaredatthewarpcoreincompleteawe.

Hismouthwasopenandhiseyeswerewide.Helookedather.Anexpressionof,"Whatisthat?"plantedonhisface.

"ThatistheWarpCore,"B'Elannaexplained,"It'sthereasonwecangosofast.Itmovesusalonginspace.ThisisEngineering,"sheaddedwithawaveofherhand,"It'swhereIworkandkeepthisshipgoing.I'llshowyouaround."

B'ElannashowedhimaroundEngineering.Shekeptoneyeonhimashestaredintotalaweandwonderathissurroundings.Sheshookherhead.Itwasalmostlikeshowingaprimitivebeingaroundtheship.Ifshedidn'tknowbetter,shewouldn'thavebelievedit.Shesawhimlookingataconsole,andshecouldhaveswornshesawaflashofknowledgesparkbehindhisblueeyes.Shealmostthoughthewasgoingtopunchinsomecommands,butheonlystaredatit.

"Thosearethenavigationalrelays,"B'Elannatoldhim,"You'vebeendownheremanytimestolookatthem.Idon'tknowhowmanytimesyou'vemessedwiththem."

Tomlookedather,strangely,"Whatdoyoumean?Iworkeddownhere?"

B'Elannasmiled,"No.YouworkedontheBridge.Youflewthisship."

Tom'seyeswidenedatthat,"Iwhat!?"

B'Elannaalmostlaughedathissurprisedexpression.Shesobered,thoughassherememberedthathedidn'tknow.

"Beforeyouweretaken,youwereapilotonthisship,"B'Elannaexplained,"Youwere-arethebestpilotwehave.Youusedtomakesurenooneforgotthat."

Tomstaredattheconsolesbeforehim.Theylookedfamiliar,buthecouldn'tplacethem.Hewishedheknew.Hewantedtoknow,butahugewallwasblockinghismemoriesfromresurfacing.

Hegrowledandslammedhisfistontheconsole."Ican'ttakethisanymore!"Tomshouted,causingmostofthestafftolookhisway,"Ican'trememberanything,andit'sdrivingmecrazy!"

TomstaredatB'Elanna,hiseyesadarkcloud.HethenstormedoutofEngineering,leavingherdistraughtandfrustrated.

Thatnight,shereturnedtotheirquartersafterseveralhoursinEngineering.B'ElannahadtoexplaintoherstaffaboutTom'soutburst.Theytoldhertheyunderstoodandsympathizedwithher.Shewasgladthattheyunderstood.ShewashavingjustashardatimeasTomwas.Hewastryingsohardtoremember,butnothingcame.Shewonderedifshewaspushinghimtoohardtodoso.

B'Elannastrippedoffheruniformandwentintothebedroom.ShewasnotsurprisedtoseeTomlyingonthefloor.Shesighedandwenttokneelbesidehim.Shebrushedastraylockofhairoffhisforehead.Hestirredandrolledoverontohisback.Sheheardhimmumblesomething,butdidn'tunderstandwhathesaid.Thenshestoodupandclimbedintobed.

B'Elannastaredattheceiling,tryingtofigureoutawaytogethimtoremember.Shewasalmostattheendofherrope,butshewasdeterminednottogiveup.Shehadtogethimtoremember.Thelittlethingswerenotenoughanymore.Shewantedhimtoremembersomethingimportant.Thenithither.

*Tomhastorememberthefirsttimewemadelove,*shethoughttoherself,Iknowthatmusthavebeenaveryspecialtimeforhim,afterallthat'shebeenthrough.

Chapter10

B'Elannalookedovertheedgeofthebed.Tomwasfastasleep,butthiswasimportantenoughtowakehimup.

"Tom,"shewhispered.

Tomstirred,butdidn'twake.Shecalledhisnamelouderandheopenedhiseyes.Theystaredateachotherforseveralmoments.Eveninthedimlight,shesawaflashsparkinhisblueeyes,andshehopedhewasrememberingsomething.

"Comeuphere,"shewhispered.

Tomlookedatherstrangely,"Youwantmeupthere?"

"Yes,Tom.Please."

Tomslowlysatupandlookedather.Theyweremereinchesapart.B'Elannacouldsmellhisfamiliarscentandsheinhaleditdeeply.Shereachedoutahandandburieditinhisblondehair.Shepulledhimcloserandkissedhim.Herespondedquickly.Shedidn'tknowwhattothinkaboutthat.Wasitbecauseofhis"training"orbecauseofsomedeeplyburiedemotionsthatdemandedtoberemembered?Shedeepenedthekiss,hopingthattheburiedemotionswouldbreakthrough.

Tomranhishandsthroughherdarkhair.ThisfeltsomuchbetterthancouplingwithDaylia.Hefeltsomethingcomingtothesurfaceashistonguedancedwithhers.Hetastedhersweetest.Hefeltanoverpoweringsenseofjoyand

belonging.Hewantedmore,heembracedB'Elannaashestoodupandmovedtojoinheronthebed.

B'ElannafeltthefamiliarjoltsofemotionsasshewrappedherarmsaroundTom.Shelaiddownonthebed,bringinghermatewithher.Shemovedherlipstohisjawthenhisneck.Shenibbledonhisearlobeandwasamazedtohearhimmoan.Shesmiled,Hehastorememberthis.

B'Elannaranherhandsthroughhishairasshebroughthisheadbackdownforakiss.Sheranherhandsdownhisbackandaroundtohisfront.Shethenranherhandsupunderhisshirtandoverhischest,hefingerstanglinginhisgoldenchesthair.Thisproducedanothermoanfromhimandshecouldn'thelp,butbeoverjoyed.

Sheremovedhisshirtandtosseditaside.Ithadbeenquiteawhilesincetheyhadlastspentanighttogether.Shewantedtomakethismemorable.Shewantedhimtoforgetaboutthatcruelmistressonthatplanet.

Tomranhishandsthroughherdarktresses.Inhalingherscent,itseemedalmostfamiliar.Forafleetingmoment,hesawhimselfburyinghisfaceindarksilkyhairandbreathinginitsscent.Heshookhishead.Amemory?Whenwasthis?Ashetriedtoforcethememorytocontinue,itwasgone.Heshookhishead,andlookeddownatthewomanbeneathhim.Theystaredintoeachother'seyes.Hefoundhimselflostinthosebrowndepths.Thiswomanmusthavemeantagreatdealtohimforhetohavemarriedher.Hejustwishedherememberedit.

Tomthenbentdownandbroughthislipstohersandkissedherdeeply.Again,hefeltawonderfulsensationofjoyandpassion.Thefeelingsgrewasthekissdeepened.Suddenly,helethimselfgoastheemotionstookover.Hebegantokissherforehead,downhernose,herlips,thenherjawandfinallydownherthroat.Heheardhermoanhisnameasshegaveintothesensationshewasgivingher.Hekissedherfaceanddownherthroatuntilhecameacrosshernightgown.Hestaredatitandthenmovedhishandsdownherbody.Shesighedasherhandsmovedoverhischestthenbackupoverhisshoulders.Hishandsfoundthehemofhergownandheslippedthemunderthematerial.Hishandsmovedupherbodyandshegaspedandmoaned.

Tomwithdrewhishandsandremovedhernightgown.Hethentosseditaside.Hestaredatherbodyinawe.Thelightbronzecoloringwasbeautiful.Anotherflashoflightsparkedbehindhiseyes.Hesawhimselfhoveringoverher,staringatherbarefleshexposedbeforehim.Hewasinawethenashewasnow.Hecouldfeelhimselfbecomingquitearoused.Heclosedhiseyesandsighedasanothersomethingsurfaced.Anothermemory?Hesawhimselflookingupatherthen.Shewasontopofhim,grinningathim.Thenthememorywasgone.

"Tom?"B'Elannaasked,concernedthathesuddenlystopped.

Tomlookedatherandsmiled.Shesighedcontentedlyasheranhishanddownherbareleg.Tomthenslowlyslidherunderwearoffandherexcitementgrew.B'Elannacouldn'tcontainherjoymuchlongerassheanticipatedhisnextmove.Herdarkexoticeyesathimasheremovedhisbriefsandshesmiledathimashecrawledhiswaybackoverher.Wrappingherarmsaroundhim,shedrewhimclosertoherforadeepkissandheranhishandsthroughhersilkyhairasthekissdeepened.

B'Elannasighedasshefelthimnibbleherearlobeandkisshiswaydowntoherbreasts.Shegaspedashetookoneinhismouth.Sheheldhisheadthereashelickedandsuckledonit.Sheclosedhereyesandrelishedinthefeelingthatherememberedwhatsheliked.Shehopedthiswouldbringbackmorememoriesashemovedtothenextbreast.

Tomreceivedanotherflashofamemory.Hesawhimselfinabedmuchlikethisonewithredsatinsheets.Theonlydifferencewasthattheywereinamuchsmallerroom.Herememberedthefeelingofjoyhehadatbeingwiththiswomanalonewithnoonearound.ThememorywasgoneatonceandTomwasleftevenmorefrustrated.HelookedatB'Elanna,whoseeyeswereclosedandheadtiltedback.Helickedhiswaybackuptohermouth,heheardhermoanhisname.

Hetookhermouthwithhisandtheirtonguesdanced.Heranhishandsintoherhairandsuddenlyheenteredher.Hearinghergasp,Tomfelthertightenhergriponhishair.Anotherflashoflightsparkedbeforehim.Hesawhimselfandherinthemiddleofafieldofwildflowers.Theywereonablanket,naked.Theywerecouplingagainwithawildabandonment.Isthisawish,oramemory.?he

wondered.

*HowlonghaveIbeenwithher?*Heaskedhimselfasthevisionvanished.

"Tom?"B'Elannaconcernedvoicecametohisears.

Helookedather,thedarkpoolsofhereyesstaredathim.Tomcouldn'trecalleverseeinganyoneexpresssuchconcernfromanyonebefore.Thiswasconfusinghimevenmore,hedidn'tknowwhattodoorsay.Ifonlyhecouldremembersomethingwithoutitdisappearingbeforeherealizedthemeaningofit.

B'ElannasawthefrustratedlookinTom'seyes.Shehopedhewasrememberingsomething.Thatwasthethirdtimehestoppedduringtheirlovemaking.

*Tomhastoberememberingsomething,*shesworetoherself,Hejusthastobe.

TomshookhisheadandagaintookB'Elanna'smouthwithhis.Theirtonguestangledtogetheragainasthepassionrebuiltitself.Thistime,therewasnostoppingastheyabandonedeverythingaroundthem.

B'ElannamoanedasTombegantomoveinsideher.Thefamiliarpowerfulthruststookhertonewheightsasshegaveintoheremotions.Shewrappedherlegsaroundhiswaistashemovedfasteranddeeperintoher.Shedughernailsintohisbackasthejoyofreclaiminghermatewashedoverher.

Tomfeltmanyfeelingsandsensationswashoverhim.Somethingaboutthisfeltsorightashethrustdeeperintoher.Anotherflashappearedbeforehim.Thistime,hesawhimselfbitingher.Hewasconfusedatthis.Thenanothermemorymadeitselfknown.Klingonsbitetheirintendedmate.ThevisionwasgoneasheheardB'Elannamoanandhefelthernailsdigintohisback.Henibbledonherjawashequickenedhispace.

B'Elannagrowleddeeplyasshenearedtheedge.ShewasunawarethatTomwaslickingandnibblingonherjaw.Shescreamedwhenhebither.Atthatmoment,shefellovertheedgeinecstasy.

Tomthrustonelasttimethenreleasedintoher.Hecalledouthernameashisworldexplodedaroundhim.

TomwoketofindB'Elannalyingonhischest.Helookedatherandfeltthesenseofprotectivenessriseinhimagain.Hestaredattheceiling,hetriedtothinkofwhyhewouldfeellikethat.Itwasalmostlikethefeelingofpossessivenessthathadasserteditselfthedaybefore.

Thesefeelingsmusthavebeentherethewholetime,andhadbeenburiedwhenhereceivedhis"training."Nowtheywerereassertingthemselveswithvengeance.

HelookeddownatB'Ellanaandwassuddenlyovercomebyafeelingofcontentmentdevotionandbelonging.Heknewatthatmomenteventhoughhecouldn'tremembereverything,thatthiswaswherehewasmeanttobe.WithDaylia,hehadneverfeltthatway.Hejustfeltthathebelongedtoher.HekissedB'Elanna'sdarkhairandsettleddowntosleep.Hedreamedagain,thistimeofashuttleandabedcoveredinsatin.

****************

WhateverlittleTomrememberedoflastnightwasgonethenextmorning.Hewasagainquietandpassive.B'Elannaalmostwantedtostrangleherhusbandafterwhattheyhadexperiencedaftertheirlovemakingthenightbefore,butsherestrainedherself.Sighingshegotdressedforwork.ItseemedthatshewasbecomingmoreandmoreagitatedasTom'smemoriesrefusedtoreturn.

Shewouldtakeherfrustrationsoutonherstaff.Theycouldunderstandheranger,butnoonedaredspeaktoherunlesstheywantedtheirheadbittenoff.Theyavoidedherunlessshespoketothem.

Duringhershift,aconsoleblewout.Shebarkedatanensigntofixit.Twopeopleshoweduplate,withunsatisfactoryexcusesandshereportedthem.ShebarkedatthemtocleantheJeffriesTubesasshewenttofilethereport.Whentheensignreportedwhatwaswrongwiththeconsole,shecouldfeelaheadachecomingon.B'Elannaorderedhimtofixitthenscannedittwiceforanymore

problems.ThentheCaptainorderedhertoherReadyRoom.Shewasnothappyaboutthatatall.

SomethingwaswrongwiththeEngineeringconsoleontheBridgeandshewasaskedtofixit.Shegrumbledthewholetime.Onoccasion,shewouldlookoverattheConn.Anensignwastherenow,butshecouldimagineTomflyingtheship.Ifonlyhecouldrememberhislifehere.B'Elannawasmoredeterminednowtogethermatetoremember.

Afterhershiftwasover,B'Elannaheadedbackhome.ShehadsomethingplannedtohelpTomremember.ShewouldgethimtovisittheResort.Theyhadsuchfondmemoriesthere.

*HehastoremembertheResort,*B'Elannathought,Ifheremembersthat,theneverythingelsewillfallintoplace.

B'Elanna'shopesweredashed,thoughastheysteppedontoHolodeckOne.Tomstaredathissurroundingsinwonderment.Helookedatherandasked,"DidImakethistoo?"

B'Elannasmiledslightly,"Youhelped.ThisiscalledtheResort.Wecamehereoftentorestandrelax."

TomlookedattheResortagain.Hecoulddetectaslightscentofsaltwaterintheair.Hebreatheditinandinstantlyaflashofrecognitionsparkedbeforehiseyes.Laughter--heheardlaughterandheopenedhiseyes.BrieflyTomsawhimselfstandingbyB'Elanna.Happiness--hefeltveryafeelingofeuphoriawashoverhim.Lookingaroundandhecouldseetwopeoplestandingbeforeacrowdofpeopleandheardthemannouncethattheyweregoingtobemarried.HecaughtabriefglimpseofB'Elannalaughingandhewasbesideher.Buttheimagewasgoneagainlikealltheothers,muchtoosoonforhimtosaythatheremembered.

TomlookedatB'Elanna.Herdarkeyeswerefilledwithhope.Hedidn'twanttodisappointher,buthejustcouldn'treallyremember.Hewantedtotellherabouttheflasheshewasgetting,buthedidn'twanttogiveherfalsehopes.Buthedidthoughknowaplaceofrelaxationwhenhesawit.

Tomsmiledatherandsaid,"Shallwerelaxthen?"

B'Elannareturnedthesmile.Shetookhisarmandtheywalkedovertotwoloungechairsthatwereclosetogether.ShesatdowninonewhileTomsatintheother.Thisbroughtbackaspecialmemoryforher,andshehopedthatTomwouldrememberaswell.

Heletoutthebreathhehadbeenholdingandclosedhiseyes.Heslowlyrelaxed.Hesmiledashefeltthewarmthofthesunbeatdownonhisface.

B'Elannalookedathim.Sherememberedthatsmile,itwasthesameonehegaveherwhentheyusedtheResortaftertheiradventureintheArgalaHabitat.Sherelaxedintoherchairaswell.Thatwaswhenshegotanidea.

"Tom,"sheasked,"doyouwantabackrub?"

Tomstaredatherstrangely.ShewantstogiveMEabackrub?Hedidn'tknowwhattosay,butitsoundedwonderfulandhenoddedhishead.Theshockofherquestionhaderasedhisknowledgeofwhathisbacklookedlike.

"Whydon'tyoutakeyourshirtoffwhileIgogetsomeoil?"

Tomnoddedandproceededtotakehisshirtoff.Hewassuddenlyremindedofhiswounds.HefeltashamedandwasabouttoputhisshirtbackonwhenB'Elannareturnedwiththeoil.Shesatdownnexttohimandtoldhimtoturnaround.Hedidsoandheheardhergasp.Hewincedatthatandsuddenlyfeltself-conscious.Hemadeamovetocoverhimself,buthervoicestoppedhim.

"Haven'tyouhadthosehealed,yet?"B'Elannaasked,staringatthewoundsonhisback.Theylookedlikedeepweltsonhisback.Asifsomeonehadscratchedhim.Asuddenflashoffurybuiltupinsideher,andshehadtorestrainherselffromgoingintofrenzyanddestroyingeverythingaroundher.

Tomcouldhearthedeepconcerninhervoice.Hewassurprisedthatthiswomancaredabouthimsomuch.Heturnedaroundandsawtheemotioninherdarkeyes.

"Thedoctortriedtohealthem,but..."heshrugged.

B'Elannastifledagrowl.Ofcourse,theywerethewoundsfromalaserwhip.Thosetypesofwoundswereverydifficulttoheal,andstilltheyleftscars.Sheclosedhereyesandsighed.Whensheopenedthemagain,Tomwasstaringather.

"Ifyouwantmeto,Iwillstillrubyourback,Tom."

Tomgaveherasmallsmilethennodded,"Becareful?"

B'Elannanodded.Theexpressioninhereyesstoppedhim.Theywerefilledwithcompassionandsympathyforhim.Theintensityofthelookwasmuchstrongerthanitwasbefore.Shewastrulyworriedabouthim.Hedidn'tknowwhattosay.Hestaredintohereyesandcouldseethattheywerefillingwithunshedtears.

"What'swrong?"Tomasked.

B'Elannasniffedasatearfellfromherlefteye,"Togothroughwhatyoudid.Tobepunishedlikethat.Itmusthavebeenmorethanpainful."

Tomshrugged,"WhenIdisobeyedtheLady,Iwaspunished.Anymanwhodisobeyedwaspunished.Itwasjustthewayitwas."

B'Elannastaredathim.Howcouldheactlikeitwasnaturaltobepunished!Sheforcedherselftoremaincalmasshespoketohim,"Thatiswrong,Tom.WhenyouwereonVoyager,youdisobeyedtheCaptainortheCommanderalot.Youwereneverpunishedthatseverely!Usuallythey'djustconfineyoutoyourquartersorlimityourrations,butnooneeverhurtyou."

Tomstaredatherinshock.Hedisobeyedbeforeandhewasn'thurt?Heshookhisheadandstaredoffintospace.

"Youarelovedandrespectedonthisship,Tom,"B'Elannacontinuedassheturnedhimaroundsohisbackfacedher."Peopleareworriedaboutyou.Theywantyouback.Iwantyouback.Ittookusayeartoadmitourfeelingtoeach

other,andIdon'twanttolosethat.Idon'twanttoloseyou."Shepoursomeoftheoilinherpalm,kissedhimtenderlyonhisscarredbackandrubbedintheoilwithherstronghands.

Tomwassurprisedagainbytheamountofemotioninhervoice,andhereveledinhertouch.TheLadynevertalkedtohimlikethisormadehimfeelsogood.Shenevershownanykindofcaringforhim,exceptasanobject.Hewonderedifhewouldevergetusedtothiswomanshowingaffectionforhim.

Tryingtolightenthesuddensolemnmood,hedecidedtochangethesubject.HelookedaroundtheResortagain,andsawseveralpeoplewalkingaround.Mostwereholdingdrinks.Otherswereplayinggames,andstillothersweresittingandtalking.

"Doalotofthingshappenhere?"heasked,lookingather.

B'Elanna'seyesdarkened.Herhopesthathewouldrememberweregone.Shegrowledlowinherthroatasthelastofherpatienceworeout.

"Damnit,TomParis!"B'Elannashoutedathim,herKlingonsidegettingthebestofher.ItwashardnottoletherKlingontempershow,butsometimestheangershefeltwasjusttoostrongandburstthroughthesurface.Shewasgladthatthechildrenweren'theretowitnesshertemper."Whycan'tyouremember!?You'veexperiencedmanythingsthatshouldhavecausedyoutoremember,butnothinghashappened!Don'tyouwanttoremember!?"

Tomfeltherangeranditscaredhim.Hebackedawayfromher,holdinguphishands.

"Please,"hewhispered,"I'mtrying.Ireallyam,butnothingishappening.Please,don'thitme.Iamtrying."

B'Elannaglaredathim.Thenshestaredathim.Hehadneverbackeddownfromherwhensheyelledathim.Healwaysyelledrightback,sometimeswithmoreangerthanher.

*IfIcouldgetmyhandsonDayliaagain,I'dkillherfordoingthistohim,*

B'Elannavowedagain.

Tomsawhereyesflashwithanger.Althoughitarousedhiminawaythathecouldnotfathom,hestillbackedawayfromher.Hedidnotwanttobepunishedagain.

B'Elannanoticedhimbackingawayfromher.Shetookadeepbreathtocalmherselfbeforeshespoke,"I'msorry,Tom.Ididn'tmeantoshout.I'mnotgoingtopunishyou.I'mjustfrustratedthatyoucan'trememberanythingafterallthatI'veshownyou."

Tomputhishandsdownandstaredatthefloor,"I'msorry,too.I'mjustasfrustrated.Iwanttoremember.Ireallydo,butthere'sthiswallthatblockseverythingfrommymind."

B'Elannalookedathim.Hereallywastrying,shecouldseethat.Maybe,heneededtime.Maybeheshouldn'tbepushedsohard.Maybetheyshouldbackawayandletthememoriesresurfaceontheirown.Theonlyproblemwasthatthatcouldtakealongtime,andshewasnotaverypatientperson.

"Let'sgohome,Tom,"B'Elannasaidinasadvoice.

*******"He'strying,Chakotay,butnothingishappening,"B'ElannapacedbackandforthinChakotay'squarters.ThepacingwasmakingtheCommanderdizzy.

"Idon'tknowwhattodo.I'vetriedjustabouteverything."

Chakotaysighed.Heknewshewasfrustrated,hecouldtelljustbythewayshepaced.Shehardlycametohimanymoreunlesssomethingwasreallybotheringher.Heshookhisheadtokeepfromwatchingherpace.Hisheadwasstartingtoswim.

"B'Elanna,please,stoppacing,you'remakingmedizzy,"Chakotaysaid,rubbinghistemples,"Sitdown."

B'Elannastopped,staredathim,thensatdowninthechairacrossfromhim.She

putherheadinherhandsandsighed.Shethengrowled.

Idon'tknowwhattodo.Sometimes,Ithinkhe'srememberedsomething,butthenheactslikenothing'shappened.Idothinkhe'srememberingsomething,buthewon'ttellmewhatitis."

"Maybehedoesn'tknowwhathe'sremembering,andhedoesn'twanttogetyourhopesup."

B'Elannasighed,"Ithoughthisforestprogramwouldtriggersomething.Ialsothoughtseeinghiskidswouldmakeadifference.Tomjustkeepstellingmehedoesn'tremember.He'sfrustrated.Iknowheis.Hetoldmethatmaybeweshouldjustletthememoriescomebackontheirown,butthatcouldtakealongtime,Chakotay."

TheCommandernodded,"Maybehe'sright,B'Elanna.Maybethisshowinghimaroundistoomuchtoosoon.Tom'ssurprisedbyeverythingonthisship.Heneedstime.Thememoriesmightcomebacksoonerthanyouthink,B'Elanna."

B'Elannalookedathim,"AreyoutellingmethatIshouldjustlethimgo?Iwanttohelphimremember,Chakotay.IhavebuiltalotofmemorieswithhimandIdon'twanthimtoforgetthem!WhatamItodo!?"

Chakotaycouldfeelhertemperandfrustrationsrising.Helookedathercalmlyandsaid,"Bylettinghimrememberthebeginning,B'Elanna.LethimstaywithHarry.Hemightknowbetterwhattodo."

Chakotayheldupahand,"Youaretryingtoohard,B'Elanna.HarrymightbejustwhatTomneedsrightnow.HewasTom'sfirstfriendonVoyager,maybethosearethememoriesthatneedtoresurfacefirst.Afterwards,everythingelsewillfallintoplace."

"You'rethrowingmeout?"TomaskedashewatchedB'Elannapackhisclothes.Hewashurtandconfusedbythis.Hethoughtshewantedtohelphimremember.Hestaredatherwithtearsbuildinginhisblueeyes.

"No,I'mnotthrowingyouout,"B'Elannaansweredasshezippeduphisbag.Shelookedathimandherheartstopped.Hiseyeswereshiningwithunshedtearsandheappearedconfused.Shedidn'twanttodothistohim,butsheknewitwastherightthingtodo.Maybetheoldermemorieshadtocomebackfirstbeforetheneweronesresurfaced.Shesighedandwenttohim.Shestrokedhischeekandstaredintohiseyes.

"Chakotaytoldmethatmaybeyouroldermemoriesneedtoresurfacefirst.YouroldermemoriesonboardVoyagerweremadewithyourfirstfriend,Harry.I'mhopingthatwhenyourmemorieswithhimresurfacethatthememoriesyoumadewithmewithsoonfollow.Youwillbestayingwithhimforawhile.Hewillbehelpingyourebuildthosememories."

Tomreachedoutandstrokedherhair.Itwassomehowafamiliargesturetohim.Heleanedoverandkissedherontheforehead.

"Ifyouthinkit'sbest,"hewhispered,hisvoicingcatchingalittle.

B'Elannadidn'tmissthecatch.Sheknewhedidn'tlikethis,butitwasforthebest.Hopefullyintime,hewouldremembereverything.Sheranahandthroughhishair.

"Justremember,I'mhereifyouneedtotalk,"shetoldhimasshewalkedhimtothedoor."AndIwouldappreciateitifyoucouldcomeupandseetheboysatleasteveryotherday.Idon'twantthemtofeellikeyou'veabandonedthem.Theyarereallystartingtolikehavingyouaround.

"I'llremember,"hesaid.AndI'llbesuretocomevisitKyleandLucas,it'sapromise.

ThedoorslidopenedandHarrystoodbeforethem.Tomstaredathim,tryingtorememberanythingabouthim,butcouldn't.

"Areyouready,Tom?"Harryasked,noticingtheconfusedexpressiononhisfriend'sface.

Tomnodded.HethenlookedbackatB'Elanna.Hefeltasuddenfeelingofdread.Hedidn'twanttoleaveher.Heknewthathisplacewaswithher,butshehadinsistedthathestaywithHarry.HekissedheronelasttimebeforehefollowedHarrydownthecorridor.

"Ihopeheremembers,"B'Elannawhisperedassheletthedoorsclosebeforeher.

Chapter11

"Comeonin,"Harrysaidopenedthedoortohiscabin.

TomstoodclutchingthebagthatB'Elannahadpackedforhiminthehallnotmoving.

"Comeonbuddy,you'relettingthefliesin,"Harrychidedcheerfullyandputonearmaroundhisshouldersandnudgedhimforward.

Tomnoddedhisheadslightlyandsteppedthroughthedoor."I'msorryaboutthis,"hemumbled.

"Sorryaboutwhat?Youcanstayhereanytime.You'remybestfriend."

"Iam?"hereplied.

"Ofcourseyouare.Youcanputyourbagovertherebythesofaandmakeyourselfathome."

TomtookhisbagandcarefullyplaceddownnexttothesofajustwhereHarryhadinstructedhimto.

HarryletTomhelphimfixdinnerthatnight.AllthewhilethoughHarryregaledhimwithstoriesoftheirpasttonight.Theadventurestheyhadgoneon.Harrytriedtokeepinlight.Hedidn'tmentionsomeofthemoretraumaticmissionslikethetimetheyhadbeenintheChutethosememoriescouldwaitforlatermuchlater.

Tomtriedagain,ashehadwithB'Elannatoremember--torememberanything

butnothingwouldcome.Itwassofrustratingtobewantsomethingsodesperatelytobesocloseattimestotouchingit,butitjusteludedyou.

Harryseeingthestrainonhisfriend'sfacedecidedthattheyshouldcallitanightearlyafterallhedidhavetoreportfordutyonthebridgefirstthinginthemorning.

"Tom,ifyoudon'tmind,"Harrysaidwithagenuineyawn,"IthinkI'vetoldallthestoriesIcanforonenightandIhavetogotoworkinthemorning."

Tomnoddedhishead.Hewastiredtooandreallydidn'twanttolistentoanymorestories,nomatterhowinterestingtheywere,aboutthingshedidn'tremember.Itjustgavehimaheadacheandhehadaterribleonewagingawarinsidehisskullrightnow.

"Wheredoyouwanttosleep,thebedorthecouch?"

"Youtakethebeditisyours.I'llbehappytosleeponthecouch."Tomsaidashepickeduptheblanketthathadbeencarefullyfoldedupontheendofthesofa.

"Okay,ifyou'resure."Harrysaidandhepulledoffhistop.

"I'msure.AndthankyouHarry,Ireallyappreciateit."

"Noproblem.Yougetagoodnight'ssleep."

ThenextmorningHarryrosetoseethatTomhadnotsleptonthecouchlikehehadtoldhimhewouldthenightbefore.Therebesidethecouchthetallmanlayonhissidecoveredbytheblankethisheadrestingonrightarm.B'ElannahadwarnedhimthathehadbeensleepingonthefloorsincehehadreturnedtoVoyager.Thepilotwasbreathingrapidlyandhisheadtossedandturnedwhilehisfingersofhisleftarmclutchedtightlyattheedgeoftheblanket.

"No....no...."hemurmured."Leavemealone..."

Theyoungensignkneeleddownbesidehisfriend."Tom,wakeup,"Harrysaid

firmlyasheshookhimawake.

FeelingthetouchonhisshouldertheblueeyesflewopenandmetHarry'sdarkconcernedones.Wherewashe?hewonderedatfirsttheherememberedhewasinHarry'scabin.

"Youmusthavebeenhavingonehellofadream,"Harrysaidtryingtokeephistonelighteventhoughhewasveryconcerned."That'swhatyougetbysleepingonthefloor.What'sthematter,mycouchisn'tgoodenoughforyou?"hejoked.

"...toogood,"Tomsaidbarelyaudibly,buttoHarryhesaid:"I'musedtosleepingonthefloor."

"Okay,whereveryou'recomfortable.It'snoproblem.Allright?"

Tomnoddedandrosetohisfeetandbegantometiculouslyfolduptheblanketandplaceitbackwhereithadbeenthenightbeforeontheendofthesofa.

"I'vegottogotowork,Tom.Solet'sgodowntothemesshallandgetourbreakfast.Afterthat,youcangoseetheDoctor.Hewantsyoutocomebytoday.Hewantstorunsomemoretestsonyou."

"Okay."

"Okay?You'renotgoingtocomplainaboutseeingtheDoc?"

"WhyshouldI?"

"Wellit'sjustthatyouusuallydo."

"Idon'tlikehim?"Tomasked.Hecouldn'timaginenotlikingtheDoctor,hehadbeenverykindtohim.

Harryrealizedthathecouldn'tkidwithhimthewayheusedto,atleastnotquiteyet."It'snotthat.It'sjustthatyoudon'tlikebeinginSickbayverymuch.That'sall.ButIdon'tthinkthattheDoctorwillkeepyouverylong,thenyoucandoasyouplease."

Tomlookedpuzzled."WhatdoyouthinkIshoulddo?"heasked.

Harrycouldn'tbelievethiswasthesameTomthathadshownhimtheropeswhenhehadfirstcameonboard.Nowitseemedliketheroleshadbeenreversed.

"Whatdoyouwanttodo?"Harryasked.

"Idon'tknow,Idon't...wellB'Elannamademepromisetoseetheboys,"itwasmoreofaquestionratherthanastatement.

"That'sagoodidea.DoyouknowwhereEnsignMichaels'cabinis?"Tomshookisheadno."No,ofcourseyoudon't.Wellafteryou'redonewiththeDocyoujusttellhimthat'swhereyouwanttogoandhe'llmakesureyougetthere.Okay?"

"Allright."

HarrylookedatTomandherememberedatimewhenhefeltaloneandinneedofafriend.HerememberedbacktothetimewhentheyhadfirstmetinQuark'sonDS9whenTomsavedhimfrombuyingthecolorful,shinystonesfromtheFerengi.InfactonHarry'sfirstbirthdayonVoyager,TomhadusedwhatlittlereplicatorcreditshehadtoreplicateoneofthosestonessoHarrywouldalwaysrememberhowtheyfirstmet.Hehadplacedthelittlestoneonashelfbytheviewport.Hewalkedovertothatshelfnowandpickeditupandturneditoverinhishands.Tomwatchedhiseverymoveintentlytryingtofigureoutwhathewasdoing.

HarryreturnedtoTom'ssideandextendedhishandholdingthestone."Tom,I'dliketogivethistoyou."HegrabbedTom'shandanddroppedthestoneinhispalm.

"Why?"

"Welllet'sjustsaythatsomeonegaveittomeoncewhenIreallyneededafriend,andnowI'mreturningthefavor."

"Thanks."Tomturnedthestoneoverinhishandandnoticedthewayitsparkled.Helikedit.

Dayspassed.Harrytoldhimmorestories,someabouthimandothersthatwerenot,butstillTomshowedlittleifanysignofrememberinghejustlookedconfused.Harrycouldtellthathewasbefuddled.IthurthimtoseeTominthiscondition.Gonewastheself-confidenceandcharm,theyhadbeenreplacedwithuncertaintyandfear.Maybeifhewaslucky,Kimthought,he'dbeabletohelphimeventually.Butthequestionwas:how?MaybeatriptoSandrine'swouldbeagoodidea.

"Listen,buddy,I'mjustgoingtocleanup,"Harrysaidpointingtothedoortothebathroom."Thenwecangetoutofhere.Maybeyou'dliketogotoSandrine's?"

"Sandrine's?"

"YesaholodeckprogramyoucreatedshortlyafteryoucameonboardVoyager.It'saFrenchbarinMarseillesthatyouusedtogotoonEarth.Ithoughtmaybeitmightenjoyit."ThereHarrydon'tsayitmighthelpyouremember.Don'tforcetheissue.Keepitcasual."Wemightevenplaysomepool.Wouldn'tyoulikethat?"

Notreallywantingtotryanotherholodeckprogram,butnotknowinghowtopolitelyrefuse,Tomdidwhathedidbestlately--hefollowedanddidwashewastold.

HarrywithTomfollowingenteredSandrine'sandimmediatelyfoundanemptytableatthebackoftheroom.

"Wellgentlemen,whatwillyouhave?"Sandrineaskedassheapproachedthetableherholographiceyesfocusedontheorderpadsheclutchedinherlefthand.

"Justtheusual,Sandrine,"Harrysaid.

Thebarownernodded,hersubroutinesrecognizedthevoice,thensheliftedher

headtolookathiscompaniontotakehisorder.Whenshesawthepilot,shedroppedherpadandhuggedthebewilderedmanwithgreatexuberance.

"Thomas,jesuistellementcontentedetevoir,celafaitsilongtemps!"shegushed."Quepuis-jet'offrir,moncheri?"

TomeyesfirstfocusedonHarryacrossthentableandthenaglimpseofamemory,amereflickerofsomethingfamiliarpassedthroughthisbrain.Hecouldrememberfaces--hisfriends--theyhadtoldhimonthisshiptheywerehisfriendsandhimselfstandingaroundthatgreentableofftotheside,butassoonasthememoryhadappeareditvanishedagain.

Helookedbackupatthewomannowcomposedandwasnowwaitingpencilpoisedforananswer."Lamemechosequ'Harry,"hesaid.Therethatsoundedrightbutalsostrange.Heunderstoodwhathehadsaid,whatitmeant,butitwasdifferent.Helookedconfusedlyattheyoungmanseatedoppositethetable.

"It'sokay,Tom.Bythewaywhatdidyoutwosay,IcaughtacoupleofwordsbutIdidn'tunderstanditall?"

"Um,basicallythatshehadn'tseenmeinalongtimeandshemissedme.ThensheaskedmewhatIwantedandItoldherthatI'dhavewhateveryouwerehaving.ButIdon'tunderstandhow,"herepliedstaringatthetable.

JoyshownonHarryface."That'sarealgoodsign,areallygoodsign!YouspokeFrench.Youusedtospeakiteveryonceinawhileonboard.ActuallyatonetimewhenyouwerebackonEarth,youoncetoldmethatyouwerequitefluent.Apparently,youhavebeenabletoretainthatskill."Harrywasverypleased.Hegrinnedfromeartoear.MaybecomingtoSandrine'shadbeenagoodideaafterall.

"Maybe.Ihopeso,"Tomsaid,buthedidn'tsoundconvinced.

ThetwofriendsdranktherebeerandtalkalittleandSandrine'sgotbusier.ManymembersofthecrewcamebytheirtableandgreetedTom.Manyhadn'tseenhimsincehisreturnfromtheplanet,buthadheardthathehadchanged.Theyhappilygreetedthepilotandsoontherewereseveralpeoplestandingaround

theirlittletable.

Itwasnicethatallthesepeoplewherehappytoseehim,butitwasbecomingtoomuch.Hedidn'tknowthesepeople.

Tomtriedhardtoremaincalmbutallthesepeoplewhohedidn'tknowwereallaroundhim,itfeltlikehewasbeingsuffocated.Hisbreathingbecamerapidandhestartedtosweat.Totryandcoverhisnervousnesshereachedforhisglassbuthishandsshooksomuchtheglassslippedfromhisgripandspilleditscontentsalloverthetable.

"I'm,I'msorry..."Tomsaidlookingwildlyaroundtheroomhalfexpectingtheoverseertoappearfromnowheretoapplytheappropriatepunishment.Buttheonlythinghesawwerethepeople.Theyseemedtomultiplyrightinfrontofhiseyesandtheyallseemedtobestaringathim.Hehadtogetaway.Hehadtogetawaynow.

"I'veg-gottog-go,Harry.C-can'tstay,"Tomstammeredashepushedhimselfawayfromthetable.BeforeHarrycouldstophimhequicklyheadedforthedoor.Sogreatwashishastehestumbledintoacouplesittingbythemselves."S-s-sorry."hemumbledandranforthedoornotnoticingthathiscommbadgehadfallenoffinthetumble.

Harryrosetogoafterhisfriendbutapairoflovingarmsheldhimback.

"Lethimgo,Harry."

"But,Alera,he'smyfriend,"herfianceprotested.

"He'sconfused,Harry.Tomdoesn'tknowwhichendisup."

"But..."

"Imaginehowyouwouldfeelifallofasuddenyouwereforcedtolivewithstrangersandyoucouldn'tleave?Heneedstobealone.Idoubtifhe'sbeenaloneatallfromthemomenthecamebacktotheship."

"Youcansensethat?"

ShenoddedherheadandpushedHarrybackdowntohisseat."Yes,Icansensethatandmore.Peoplearetellinghimthathe'shomebuthefeelslostandalone.Theonlyhomeheremembers,theytreatedhimsobadlyhedoesn'twanttoreturnto.You,andB'Elanna,havetogivehimsomespace.He'sgottorecoverhismemoriesonhisown."theBetazoidsaidsoothinglybutherfacialexpressionreflectedthesympathyshefeltforTomParis.

"Ionlywantedtohelphim,"hesaid.

"IknowandIthinkheknowstoo.Don'tworryyouhaven'tlostyourfriend,hejusthastofindhisownway,inhisowntime.

"Doyouthinkheeverwill?"

"Honestly?Idon'tknow,butIhopeso,"shesaidandshewrappedherarmsaroundherloverandcomfortedhim.

Tomsprinteddownthecorridor.Hehadtogetaway.Getawayfromthem,fromeverything.Heknewonlyonething.Hehadtobealone.Hehadtothink.Finallyhavingreachedtheendofthehall,hefoundaquietalcove.Herestedhisforeheadupagainstthewall,andtriedtocatchhisbreath.Whatwasthematterwithme?Whycan'tIremember?WillIeverremember?Damn,Ifeelsouseless.Damn,Damn,DAMN!!!andhepunchedthewallinfrontofhimpunctuatingeachwordwithhisrightfistuntilhefinallycrumbledtothefloorclutchinghisbloodyknucklestohischest.Tearscame.Theyfloweddownhischeeksinstreams,tearsthathadbeenpentupinsidehimforweeks.Tearsthatfinallycausedhimtohic-cup.Tearsthatexhaustedhimandhefellasleepcurledupinthealcove.

JanewayandChakotayhavingworkedthroughthebetashiftleftherreadyroomshortlyafterthegammashiftreportedorduty.Aswascustomary,beforeheadingbacktotheircabins,ortojustonecabin,theytookawalkaroundtheship.Thisnighttheywalkedsoftlydowndeckfive.Takingadvantageofthedarknessofthehallsandthetimeofday,occasionallytheywoulddiscretelykiss

eachother.Finallyhavingreachedtheforwardsectionofthedecktheyspottedanalcove.Analcovethatwouldaffordthemsomeimmediateprivacy.

"Kathryn,inhere,"Chakotaywhispered.Hepulledherinafterhim.Butshe,noticingthatthealcovewasalreadyoccupied,pulledhimbackouttorejoinherinthecorridorwithonefingerplacedoverhislips."What?"

Shepulledonhisshouldersandturnedhimaround."Look,"shesaidsoftly.

ThereonthedecktheysawTomPariscurledupinafetalpositionsleeping.

"IthoughthewasstayingwithHarry?"herFirstOfficerwhispered.

"Metoo.I'mgoingtogofindoutwhathappened.Iwantyoutoputaguardonthehallsohewon'tbedisturbeduntilIfindoutmore."

"Aguard?"

"Wellhe'ssleepingpeacefully,Idon'tseethenecessityofwakinghimyet.Lethimsleep."

ChakotaynoddedandtheCaptainlefttofindHarry.

HarryandAleraheardtheannunciatoralarmsoundandquicklybadethatthepersonenter.HarryhopedthatitwasTom.EversinceTomleftSandrine'shehadbeenworriedabouthim.

TheCaptaincameintothecabinandHarry'sfacedropped.Notthathedidn'tliketoseeherbutshewasn'ttheonethatwaslost.TheCaptainexplainedwhatsheandtheFirstOfficerhadfoundandHarrytoldherwhathadhappenedinSandrine's,andAlerarelatedtotheCaptainthefeelingsshewassensingfromTomandtheadviceshehadgivenHarry.

"Sothisishowhefeels?"Janewayasked.

"YesandIcan'texactlytellyouwhybuthehastobeleftalone.Hehastofind

hismemoriesonhisown.Hehastobeforcedtomakehisowndecisions.Todecideforhimselfwherehewillgoandwhathemustdo.

"Buthedoesn'tevenhadacommbadgeonhim.Whatifweneedtospeakwithhim,tofindhim?"HarryaskedreflectingtheCaptain'sownconcerns.

"I'msurethathe'llbefine.ButjustincaseI'llauthorizeyoutokeepalowlevelcellularscanrunningonhim,justtomakesure.Andletmeknowimmediatelyifyougetanyreadingsthatareunusual.

"Aye,aye,Captain,"Harrysaid.

Tomwokeupvery,veryearlyinthemorning.Uponhearinghimstir,thetwoguardquietlyslippedawayastheyhadbeenordered.

Helookeddownathisstillbloodyhand,heflexedit,andwincedatthepain.Hehadtotakecareofthis.HewouldtogotoSickbayandseethatDoctor.TheDoctorcouldhelphim.Butwherewashe?AndwherewasSickbay?

Intheweehoursofthemorningwithnoonearoundtoask,ittookseveraltriestofindtheexactfloorandcorridorbutfinallyhefoundhiswaytoSickbay.Hewalkedthroughthedoorandlookedaround.Sickbaywasdark.

"Doctor?"Tomsaid.

TheDoctormaterializedbehindhim."Whatseemstobethenatureofthismedicalemergency?TomspunaroundtofacetheDoctor."Oh,Mr.Paris,whatcanIdoforyou."

"I...ah...needsomehelp,Doctor."Tomsaidshowinghimhishand.

"Yes,Isee,"theEMHsaid.Hereachedforhisever-handydermalregeneratorandbegantowaveitoverTom'shand."Howdidthishappen?"

"I...I..."

"Wellwhathappened?"

"Well,Ipunchedawall,"Tomsaid,hisheadloweredinasoftvoice.Hewaitedtobereprimanded.

TheDoctor'seyebrowsraisedinsurpriseandhesmiled."Youdid?"

"I'msorry,Doctor."

"NoproblemMr.Paris.I'llhavethisfixedinjustamoment."TheEMHhummedanariatohimselfastheregeneratordiditsjob.Maybehewasgettingbetter,theEMHmused,heactuallydisplayedsomeemotion.WhiletheDoctorcontinuedtoworkonthehand,Tom'sminddrifted.HerecalledamomentwhenhehadsatbyoneofthebiobedsandB'Elanna,hethoughtitwasB'Elanna,layonit.HesomehowknewitwasB'Elannabutitdidn'tquitelooklikeher.Therewerenoridgesonherforehead,itwassmooth.

"...Mr.Paris,"theDoctorsaid."Mr.Pariswearedoneyoucanleavenow."

TomcamebacktothepresentandlookedquizzicallyattheDoctor."B'Elanna,shewasinSickbayonce.Onthisbiobed?"heasked.

"Ofcourseshewas,anumberoftimes.WhyIcanrecallexactlytwenty-nineseparateoccasions,everythingrangingfromatwistedankleto..."

"Butwasthereeveratimewhenshelookeddifferent?"

"Different?"

Tomlookedconfusedandrubbedhisforehead."Umm...whenshedidn'thavethe...a...ridges?"

"Areyourememberingsomething,Lieutenant?"

"Maybe...welldidshe?"

"Yesshedid.Itwasanincidentthathappenedduringourfirstyearofthe

Voyage..."TheDoctorexplainedwhathadhappenedwhenB'ElannahadbeensplitintotwoandhowhehadtoreintegrateherKlingonDNAbackintohersystem.

"AndwasIherewithher?InSickbay?"

TheDoctorreviewedhismemorybanks."Yes,youwere.Infact,youwouldn'tleavehersideuntiltheCaptainhadtoorderyoutoleave.Youwereveryworriedabouther."

"Isee."

"Ithinkthisisagoodsign,Mr.Paris.Youarestartingtoremember."

"Ihopeso,butitisstillsointangible."

"Itwillcome,justdon'tforceit.Nowisthereanythingelseyouneed?"

"No,Doctorandthankyou."

"You'rewelcome."

TheEMHdeactivatedhimselfandTomleftsickbay.Itwasstillearlyinthemorning.Whatshouldhedo?Whereshouldhego?Hedidn'tknow.Otherpeoplehadbeenmakingthosedecisionsforhimforalongtime.Maybehe'dtryandfindthemesshall,afterallhewasprettyhungry,hedidn'trecalleatingthenightbeforejusthavingabeerwithHarry.

Tomtookarightturndownthecorridorandwentinsearchofthemesshallandfood.HetransversesquiteabitoftheshipandwhenhecameacrossadoorthatwaslabeledShuttlebayTwo.Hewentinside,iffeltnatural.

InsidetheShuttlebay,severalshuttleswherelinedupranginginsizefromthelargesttothesmallest.

"Goodmorning,Lieutenant,"Nelson,theon-dutyofficer,pipedupuponseeingParis."CanIhelpyou?"

Tomturnedwhentheofficerspoke.BeingcalledLieutenantstillmadehimfeeluncomfortable.

"Wouldyouliketoseeoneoftheshuttles?"

Tomnodded."Yes.DoyouthinkIcould?"

"Ofcourse.HowabouttheChamberlain?Itwasalwaysoneofyourfavorites."

Tomfollowedtheyoungensignovertotheshuttlecraft.NelsonopenedthehatchandTompeeredin.

"Goonin,"hesuggested.

Tomlookedathimandthenclimbedinside,Nelsonfollowed.

Tomeyestookineverylittledetail,fromtheconfigurationoftheseatstothepanelsthatlinedthesidesofthecraft,butwhatreallycaughthisattentionwasthecontrolsatthehelm.

Seeingwhathewasinterestedin,Nelsonspokeup."Whydon'tyouhaveaseatupfront?"heasked.

"Isitallright?"

"Ofcourseitis."

Tomeasedhimselfdownintotheseatatthehelmandlightlytouchedthecontrolswithhisfingertips.Nelsonsatbehindhimquietly,hopingthatthiswouldhelptheChiefPilotregainhismemories.Itwasacryingshamethathecouldn'trememberhowtofly,Nelsonmused.

"Whatdoesthisbuttondo?"Tomaskedtheyoungerman.

Nelsongraspedtheopportunity."Whatdoyouthinkitdoes?"

"Ummm..."Tomthoughtandfromthedepthsofhismindcametheanswer."Itpurgestheexhaustmanifold?"

Nelsongrinned."Yes.That'sexactlywhatitdoes."

Tomsmiledback.Hewasremembering.

Nelsondecidedtoquizhim,andpointedtoanotherbutton."Andthisone,Tom.Whatdoesthisonedo?"

"It'sthebuttonyoupresstoengagetheforcefield?"hereplied.

"Twofortwo.You'redoinggreat!!Howaboutonemore?What'sthisone?"Nelsonaskedpointingtoalargeyellowbuttontothepilot'sleft.

Tomthought.Yellowbutton,yellowbutton.Heshookhishead."I'msorry,Idon'tknow."

"Hey,that'sokayTom,youdidjustgreat!!"Nelsonsaidslightlydisappointedthathehadn'trecognizedthemaincontrolforthestabilizers.

Tomtooseemeddisappointedandangrywithhimself."CanIcomebackagainsometime?"

"Anytime.Anytimeatall.YoujustaskforNelson,that'sme,andI'llbegladtoshowyouaround.MaybewecouldplayName-the-Buttonsagain.Okay?"

"Okay.Thankyou.Ahh,Nelson?"

"Yes,Tom.WhatcanIdoforyou?"

"Couldyoutellmehowtogettothemesshall?"

"Surenoproblem."

Tomcouldheartheclangingandclashingofmetalonmetalwhenhefinally

walkedthroughthedoorsintotheemptymesshall.HehadbeenherebeforewithB'ElannaandwithHarrysohewassomewhatfamiliarwiththelayout.Followingthesoundofthenoise,hefoundthelittlemanwhorantheplacesittingonthefloorofhiskitchenandhisheadinsideacupboard.Everyonceinawhilehisarmwouldflyoutandapotorpanwouldgosailingacrosstheroom.Whatwashisname?SurelyhehadheardB'Elannatalktohimafewtimesandmentionhimbyname?Whatwasit?Nelox?Neelix?Yes,thatwasit.ItwasNeelixwasn'tit?

"Umm,Neelixareyouallright?"Tomaskedwiselystayingoutofthewayoftheculinaryprojectiles.

"What,whatwasthat?"thelittleTalaxianaskedhisheadstillinsidethecupboard.

"Iaskedifyouwereallright?"Tomrepeated.

Neelixpulledhimselfoutofthecupboardandwassurprisedtoseehisol'friendTomParisstandingatthefarendofhiskitchen.Howodd,hethrough,toseehimhereinhiskitchenalone,especiallyatthistimeofnight.

"OhTom,myfriend!YesI'mfine,I'mjustlookingforthegreenseedextractor.It'saboutthislong,"Neelixexplainedholdinghishandsaboutsixinchesapart."IknowIhaditlastweek,butIjustcan'tseemtofindit."

Histallfriendlookedaroundandspottedtheseederonaselfabovethestove.Hereachedupandbroughtitdown."Isthisit?"

"ByalloftheTalaxiandragons.Yesitis.Thankyou!!Ican'tmakeJalensoporridgewithoutit!"

Neelixstartedtopickupandpotsandpansthathehadthrown.Tombentdownandhelphim.Sooneverythingwasbackwhereitbelonged.

"SoTom,whyareyouhere?"Neelixasked.

"Ididn'thaveanythingtoeatlastnight,andIwas...."

"You'rehungry?"theTalaxianinterrupted.

Tomnodded.

"Welllet'sseewhatwe'vegot,"Neelixsaidandopenedtodoortohispantry."Howaboutleolarootstew?No.Notthat.Um,I'vegotGoteanscheesesouffle?No,that'snotrighteither.IknowIthinkIhavejustthethinginthebackofthe....yeshereitis.Justthething."Neelixturnedaroundproudlyholdinguptwocontainers."Peanutbutterandgrapejelly!"

"Really?"

"Really,Tom.I'vebeensavingthemjustincase."Neelixgotdownsomebreadandslatheredonthepeanutbutterandjellyontoit."Ibelievedyoutoldmeonetimethatthiswascomfortfood.Neelixlookedupatthebewilderedpilotwithahugegrinwhichfadedslightly."AndIcan'timagineanyonethatneedsmorecomfortingthanyourightnow.Infact,maybeI'llhaveonewithyou,I'llevenreplicateyousomemilk.Wouldyoulikesomecompany?"

"Please."

TomandtheTalaxiansatdowninthekitchenandate.Tomrecalledeatingthisfoodbefore.Sometimeinthepasthehadtoldthelittlemanthatthiswas'comfortfood.'Yes,thatdescribeditquitewell.

TomwatchedNeelixeat,watchingthewaythemanwouldpainfullyswallowthebitesofthesandwichandgrimacedatthemilkheusedtowashitdown.

"Youdon'tseemtolikethefood."Tomtoldhim."Sowhyareyoueatingit?"

"Youneededthecompany,"hereplied.

"Thecompany....Afool...needs...company,"Tomsaidslowly,thoughtfully.

Neelixswallowedthenextbitewithdifficulty."You'renotafool,Tom."heargued.

"Butyousaidthatonce?Didn'tyou?"

"Wellmaybe,Idon'tremember."

"ButIdoforachange.Irememberyousayingthosewordsandthetwoofuscrawlingintosomeholeinthesand?"Tomshookhishead."That'scrazy."

"No,it'snot,Tom.Thatdidhappen.WecrawledintoaholejustlikethatonOcampa.AndIdobelievethatItoldKessomethinglikethat.Thatyouneededcompany."Neelixsmiledbroadly."Tom,you'verememberedsomething.That'swonderful!!"

Tomhadtoadmitthatitwaswonderful.Itfeltgoodtofinallyberememberingthings.

Thedaysthatfollowedwereremarkablythesame.Sometimeshesleptinoneofthealcovesoffoneofthecorridorsontheship.Othertimeshe'dsleepinthemesshallwithNeelix'sblessing.InreturnhewouldhelptheTalaxiancleanupandpreparethefood.HemademanymoretripstotheshuttlebayandvisitedwithNelson.AndofcoursehemadesuretostopbyandseeKyleandLucasalmosteveryday.Hecouldtellthattheylookedforwardtoseeinghim,andhehadtoadmitthatheenjoyedthevisitsaswell.AndhealsosawB'Elannaasoftenashecould.Hemissedbeingwithherterribly.Butasmuchashewantedtocomebackandbewithher,heknewthatnowwasnotthetime.

Chapter12

Dayliastaredathersmallgatheringofherfollowers.Ithadtakentwoweekstoregainjusttenofherformervillagers.Theseten,sheknewwerehermostdevoted.Shehadtosmiletheywerealsoherbestfighters.

"VoyagerwillpayfortakingTeryekawayfromme,"sheshoutedasshepacedbeforethem."Iwillgethimback!Iwillgetmyvillageback!"Thesmallcamperuptedwithcheers.Theywantedtoavengetheirbelovedleader'sbetrayalandbanishment.Theywantedtofight.

Dayliasmiledasherplansforvengeancecameintobeing.

****

Tomfeltthewhipasitsmackedacrosshisback.Hecriedoutinpainasitcutintohisflesh,butherefusedtobendtotheirwill.Itwouldtakemorethanawhippingtogethimtoobey.Hehadbeenthroughworsetreatmentthanthisandcameoutofitjustfine.Thiswouldbenodifferent.

Heheardavoicebehindhimtellingtheonewiththewhiptostop.Tomrelaxedalittle,butsoonhewasgrabbedfrombehindandsomethingwasinjectedintohisneck.

Tomsatuponthefloor,hewasbreathingheavilyashisheartpoundedinhischest.Lookingaroundtheroom,hesawthatitwasdark.Thepilottookadeepbreathtotrytocalmhimself.Tryingtoregainhiscomposure,heattemptedtofindoutwherehewas.Hestoodupandshooktherestofthedreamaway,thenswayedasdizzinessovercamehim.Takinganotherdeepbreath,hemovedhisfeetinanunknowndirection.

*WhereamI?*Tomaskedhimselfashetriedtorecall.Heknewhecouldn'tbeintheLady'sbedroom.Hewouldhavebumpedintoherbedbynow.Hereachedoutwithhishandsashewalkedblindlyintoatable.Hemovedhishandsdownandoverthesmoothsurface.HethenrecalledthetablesoftheMessHall.

*I'mintheMessHall.Imusthavewanderedinhereandfellasleep.*

Tomthenheardthedoorstothemessopenandclose.Hethenheardaveryfamiliarvoicecallforthelights.Therewasagaspasthetwostaredateachother.

"Tom,areyouallright?"B'Elannaaskedasshewenttoherhusband.

"Icouldn'tsleep,soIstartedwanderingaroundtheship.Icameinhereandfellasleep,Iguess."

B'ElannahelpedTomsitinachair.Shethensatdownacrossfromhim.Hecouldseetheworryinhereyesandsomehowitwarmedhim.Hewascomingtotrustthiswoman,buthedidn'tknowifhecouldtellherabouthisvisions.

"Areyoustillhavingthosenightmares?"B'Elannaaskedhim.

"Yes.Therealwaysdifferent.Sometimes,I'mwithyouandI'mbeingtakenaway.Othertimes,I'mbeingpunishedordrugged.Thereareotherdreamsthatmixthemselveswithmynightmares.Sometimes,I'minacave,othertimesI'mbeingconfinedsomewhere."

TomstaredatB'Elanna,whowaslisteningintently.Sheknewwhathewastalkingabout.Hewasrememberinghisexperienceswiththosehorridpeople.Theotherscouldbememoriesofhispreviouslife,butshewasn'tcertain.Shedidn'twanttogetherhopesup.

"It'sokay,Tom,"shewhisperedasshereachedacrossthetableandtookhishandinhers,"Therejustdreams.I'mhereforyouwheneveryouneedtotalk."

Tomsmiledatherandshereturnedit.ShethenwasremindedofwhyshecametotheMessHallinthefirstplace.

"Iguessmystomachwastryingtotellmesomething,"shesaid,gettingupfromthetable,"Doyouwantanything?"

Tomnodded,"I'llhavewhateveryou'rehaving."

B'Elannanoddedandwenttofindtheleftovers.

*****

Thenextmorning,Tomwokeinanotheralcove.Ashehadthepreviousnights,hehadwanderedtheshipafterB'Elannahadleft.Sometimesitfeltlikehedidn'tbelongonthisshipatall.Hequicklygotupoffthefloorbeforesomeonesawhim,hedidn'twanttobecaughtagainlikelasttime.Hewasstillhavingnightmaresandcouldonlyfallintoapeacefulsleepwhenhesleptsleptalone,usuallyinaquietalcove.Hehadnoideawhy.Maybeitwassomeburied

memorythatwastryingtoresurface.

Tomtossedtheblankethehadintoarefresherandanotherflashsparkedbeforehiseyes.Hesawhimselfstandingbeforeaconsoletappingcommandsintoit.Suddenly,aninspirationstruck.Herememberedsomethingaboutdatabanksandthepersonalfilesofthewholecrew.Maybeifhecouldgetintohisownfile,hewouldgetsomeanswerstothemanyquestionshehad.

HewentasfastashecouldtoHarry'squarters.Heknewtheensignwasondutyandwouldn'tbebackforhours.Helookedaroundthemainroomuntilhefoundthedeskterminalinasmallsideoffice.Hesawdownatthedeskandtappedsomecommands.Thecomputerbeepedandhesmiled.

*Finally,I'mremembering,*hethoughtasheansweredthecomputer'srequestwithoneofhisown.

"AccessthefileofThomasEugeneParis,Lt."

"Pleaseentertheauthorizationcodes,"thecomputerreplied.

*AuthorizationCodes?*Tomthought,hishopesfailing,Idon'tknowanyauthorizationcodes.

Whenthecomputerrepeatedtheinquiry,Tomsimplyblurtedoutthefirstnumbersthatcametomind,"Paris,beta-five-nine-two-six."

Hewassurprisedwhenthecomputerbeepedandsaid,"Working."

Itworked!?Tomblinked.Hecouldn'tbelieveit.Heactuallyrememberedsomething.Maybehewouldremembermore.Hesmiledashewaitedforthecomputertofinish.

Thecomputerbeepedafewmomentslater,bringingTom'sattentionbacktoit.Hestaredatthepicturebeforehimandblinked.Inthepicture,helookedmuchyounger,butnonetoohappy.

Heshruggedthethoughtawayandturnedtothetext.Tom'seyeswidenedat

whathediscovered.TomPariswasthesonofanimportantAdmiralandhadapromisingcareerinStarfleet.Herubbedhiseyesashereadonabouttheshuttlecrash,hiscover-up,andthenhisconfession.

Thedoorsopensoundlesslybehindhim,Tomwassoengrossedinhisreadinghehadn'theard.Harryenteredhiscabinandnoticedthatthelightswereonandthatsomeonewasinhisoffice.HewalkedinandsawTomsittingattheterminalandhelookedupset.TheensignwalkedupbehindhisfriendandlookedatwhatTomwasreading.

*Oh,no,*Kimthought,He'sreadinghispersonalfile.Hewon'tlikewhat'sinthere.

HarrywasabouttostopTomfromreadinganymore,butitwastoolate.Tomhadshutitofftheterminalandwasgettingoutofthechair.HewasstartledtoseeHarrystandingbehindhim.

"YouprobablyhavealreadyguessedwhatI'vedone,"Tomsaid,barelyaboveawhisper.

Harrynoddedhishead,"Youpulledupyourfileinhopesthatitmighthelpyouremember.Tom,what'sinthosefiles..."

"AmIreallylikethat?"Tomasked,hiseyesfulloffearandhurt,"amIreallywhatthatfilesays?AmIsomereckless,carelessoutcastthateveryonedespises?"

HarryshookhisheadbeforeTomcouldcontinue,"Maybe,Idon'tknow.IneversawtheTomParisthatthosewordsdescribe.Butthattextdoesn'tdescribetheTomParisthathelpedthisshipandthepeopleaboardit.Itdoesn'ttellofthetimesyousavedmanylivesbyriskingyourown.Itdoesn'tsayhowcaringamanyouare,howself-sacrificing.You'vecomealongwayfromthatselfishpersonthatthatfilesaysyouwere."

Tomofferedasmallsmile,buthecouldn'tbelievewhatHarrywastellinghim.SomethinginsidehimthoughtoldhimthatHarrywasright.Peoplecouldchange,sowhycouldn'tsomeonewhowasselfishandreckless.Hethen

rememberedonereasonthatcouldchangeapersonlikethat.Children.Hesatupstraight,andlookedatHarry.

"Theboys,"Tomsaid,"Iwanttoseethem."

Harrysmiled,itwasgoodthatTomwasfinallymakingdecisionsonhisown.HenoddedandthetwoleftKim'squarters.

*****"Captain,I'mpickingupaship,"theensignatOpsannounced,"It'shailingus."

"Onscreen,"Janewaysaidasshesatdowninherchair.

Thestarfieldwasreplacedbyaveryfamiliarface.Janeway'seyesnarrowedasshestaredatDaylia,theformerleaderoftheAmazonrace.

"Hello,CaptainJaneway,"Dayliasaidwithsarcasm,"IbelieveyouhavesomeoneIwant."

*****TomandHarrywerejustleavingtheturboliftandheadingfortheParis-Torres'quarterswhenJanewayvoicesounded,"KimandParistotheBridge.Now.Wehavevisitors."

HarrylookedatTom.HeknewwhytheCaptainwouldcallhimtotheBridge,butwhyTom?Hehardlyrememberedhispast,letalonehowtofly.HementallyshruggedandheadedbacktowardtheturboliftwithTomontow.HehopedtheCaptainknewwhatshewasdoing.

*******WhydidIcallforParis?*Janewayasked.Sheansweredherselfbysaying,Habitsarehardtobreak.MaybeitistimeforTomtohavealookattheBridge.Hejustmightremembersomething.

Shewasbroughtoutofherthoughtswhensheheardtheturboliftdoorsopenandclose.Shedidn'thavetoturnaroundtoseewhoitwas.Sheknew.

"Ah,Teryek,"DayliasaidwhenshenoticedTom,"Hownicetoseeyou.Don'tworry.I'llsoonhavetobackwhereyoubelong."

"Hebelongshere,"Janewaysaidfirmly,eyeingtheLadydangerously,"Hewillstayhere."

Dayliaglaredatthecaptain,"Hebelongswithme,Captain.Iwanthim.Ifyoudonotgivehimtome,Iwilldestroyyou."

"Theyarepoweringupweapons,Captain,"Tuvokannounced,"Sheclearlymeanstodestroyus."

TommovedtostandinbehindtheConn.Hesuddenlyreceivedanotherflash.Hesawhimselfsittingatthestation,hisfingersflyingoverthecontrols.Hesuddenlyhadanurgentneedtobeinthatchair.

"Understood,Tuvok,"JanewaysaidasshelookedatTom.Shewaswatchinghimstareattheconnstation.Shementallysmiled.Somethingwascomingbacktohim.ShethenaddressedtheLady,"I'msorry,Lady,butIwillnothandTomovertoyou.Heisamemberofmycrewandaveryvaluableone.Hebelongshere."

Daylia'seyesnarrowedanddarkened,"Iwarnyou,Captain.Ifyoudon'thandhimover,Iwilldestroyyourship."

TomstaredatDaylia.Sheclearlymeantwhatshesaid.HelookedatJanewaywhowasglaringatthewomanonthescreen.Sheclearlydidnotintendtohandhimover.Hehadtodosomethingortheymightallbekilled.

"Captain,"hesaid,goingtostandinfrontofher,"I'llgo.Idon'twanteveryonetobekilled,becauseofme."

Janewaysmiled.ThisTomwasveryfamiliartoher.Hewaswillingtosacrificehimselfinordertosavethem."Shecouldn'tlethimdosuchathing.Theyneededhim,andB'Elannaneededhimmore.

"No,Tom,"shesaidsoftly,"Youbelonghere.Iwillnothandyouoverto

Daylia."

"But,"hestartedtosay,butsheheldupahandtostophim.

"You'reneededhere,Tom.That'sallI'mgoingtosayonthematter."

Tomblinkedbackhissurprisethenturnedtostareatthewomanonthescreen.Hecouldseethatshewantedhimdearlyandwouldkilltogethim.TomthenrememberedB'Elannafightingtogethimback.Hesmiledslightly,butitwasawickedsmile.HeknewthenthatifDayliacouldn'twinafightagainstB'Elannathenshedefinitelycouldn'tdefeatJaneway.HemovedtoonesideasJanewaystoodandwenttostandbehindtheConn.

"Youarenotgettinghim,Daylia,"Janewaysaid,crossingherarms,"Wewillfighttokeephimherewherehebelongs."

"Sobeit!"Dayliasnarled.

"Shieldsup!"Janewaybarkedasshemovedtoclaimherseat.Shethenjerkedforwardasablasthittheship.

"Shieldsareholding,Captain,"Tuvokreported.

Twomoreblastsrockedtheship,causingTomtofalltotheground.Hetriedtogetup,butwasknockedtothegroundagain.Asuddenflashblindedhimasanothervisioncametohiseyes.Hesawhimselfinthemiddleofabattle,hisfingersflyingacrossthecontrolsofthehelm.ItwasthenthatTomrealizedwhereheneededtobe.

"Shieldsatseventypercent,"Tuvokannouncedasanotherblastrockedhimintohisstation.Hebarelyevenshookhisheadashereturnedtheenemies'fire.

"Move,"TomtoldChakotayatthehelm.

Chakotaystaredstrangelyattheyoungerman,"Areyougivingmeanorder,Lieutenant?"

Anotherblasthittheship,andChakotaymaneuveredVoyagertowheretheyhadabetteraimoftheothership.Phaserfirehittheothership,damagingit.

"Aliens'shieldsareatsixtypercent."

"Letmehavethecontrols,"Tomsaidagain.

"Doyourememberhowtofly,Paris?"Chakotayaskedashemaneuveredtheshipagain.Thistimetoavoidablast.HethenturnedbacktoTom.

"Idon'tknow,butIdoknowthatIneedtobeatthecontrols."

"Tom,letChakotayflytheship.Wecan'tavoidtofollowyourhunchesrightnow."

"ButCaptain..."

Theshipwasrockedbyamorepowerfulblast.ItknockedTomoffhisfeetagainandontothefloor.Sparksshotoutoftwoconsolesandoneexploded.

"Shieldsatfiftypercent,"Tuvoksaid.Hisfingersflewacrossthecontrolsashefiredattheship.Thecrewwatchedasawingonthealienshipexplodedintospace.

"Theirshieldsareatthirtypercentandfalling,Captain."

Chakotaymaneuveredtheshiparoundagainasitavoidedseveralmoreblastsfromtheenemyship.HelookedoveratTomtoseethatthepilotwasstilllyingonthefloor.Hethenquicklymovedhiseyesbacktotheviewscreenashedecidedhisnextmove.Itobviouslywasthewrongoneastheywerehitbyanotherblast.TuvokretaliatedthoughandtheDaylia'sshipexplodedbeforethem.

"Damagereport,"Janewayorderedafterseveralmoments.

"Minordamageondecksonethroughthree,"Harryreported,"Noseriouscasualties."

JanewaynoddedthenlookedtoseeTomlyingonthefloor.Chakotaywasoverhimcheckingforapulse.Helookedatherasshewenttothem.

"He'salive.Hemusthavehithishead.Again."

ThetwosmiledasJanewaytappedhercommbadge,"Janewaytotransporterroomone.BeamLt.ParistoSickbay."

AfterthebluebeamtookTomaway,shelookedattheCommanderandsaid,"TellB'Elannawhat'shappened.YouhavetheBridge.I'llbeinSickbay."

Chakotaynodded.HethentappedhiscommbadgeandaskedEngineeringfordamagereportsbeforehetoldB'Elannathenews.HeknewshewouldbeonherwaytoSickbaybeforesheevengatheredhercompletereport.

Chapter13

TomParisslowlywoketoseethefamiliargreyceilingofSickbay.Heclosedhiseyesandgroaned.

"Mr.Paris?"Avoicecametohisears,"Canyouhearme?"

TomopenedhiseyestoseetheDoctorhoveringoverhim.Feelingathrobbingpaininhishead,heclosedhiseyes.Heputahandtohisforeheadandmoaned.

TheDoctoropenedhistricorderandscannedhispatient.Afterawhile,hespoke,"Youhityourheadduringthebattle.Youhaveaslightconcussion.I'llgiveyousomethingforthepain."

Tomopenedhiseyesatthesoundofahypospray.HethenturnedhisattentiontothenewarrivalswhenheheardthedoorstoSickbayopen.HewasnotsurprisedtoseeCaptainJaneway,buttheconcernonB'Elanna'sfaceconfusedhim.

"Tom,"thechiefengineersaidasshewenttostandbesidehim.Shestrokedhishairasshelookedintohisconfusedblueeyes.

"What'swrong,Tom,"B'ElannaaskedasJanewayjoinedthem.

"Tom?"Thehelmsmanaskedevenmoreconfused,"SincewhendidyoucallmeTom?Whathappenedto'pig'?"

B'ElannalookedatJaneway,herdarkeyesworriedandconfused.Janewaysteppedcloserandasked,"Whatdoyouremember,Tom?"

Tomstaredatbothofthem.Hedidn'tunderstandwhatwasgoingon.Hemusthavehithisheadharderthananyofthemthought.Thepilotclosedhiseyesashetriedtorememberthepreviousevents.TheDoctormentionedabattle.Whatbattle?Hethentookadeepbreathandanswered,"ThelastthingIrememberisgoingtotheBridge.Ithenwokeuphere."

JanewayandB'Elannalookedateachother.Janewaynodded,tellingherengineerthatTomwasinfactontheBridgeduringthefight.TheylookedatthepilotandJanewayspoke,"Therewasabattlebetweenahostilepeople.Theleaderwantedyouback.Doyouknowwhoshewas?"

Tomopenedhiseyesandstaredatthemconfused,"Analienwantedmeback?Whatdoyoumeananalienwantedmeback?"

B'Elannaspokethen,"Thisalien,awoman,hadtakenyouasherslave,Tom.Shedruggedyouandmadeyoudothingsagainstyourwill."

Tomsatupthen,"Theydruggedme!?Whatdidshemakemedo!?Andwhydon'tIremember?!"

Janewayplacedherhandonhisshouldertocalmhim,"Yes,shedruggedyou.Iwon'tgointowhatshemadeyoudo.ThatisbetweenyouandB'Elanna."

TomstaredatB'Elanna,shocked."Didshekidnapyouaswell,Torres?Didshedrugyou?Whatdidshemakeusdo?"

AllkindsofthingsranthroughTom'smind.Theycouldhavedonemanythingswhiletheyweredrugged.Heshiveredasdarkthoughtsenteredhismind.Hedidn'twanttothinkaboutthem,soheshookhisheadtobanishthem.

"Sheonlyputusthroughhell,Tom,"B'Elannasaidasshestrokedhishair.Thisconfusedhimevenmore.Whywasshesuddenlysoconcernedabouthim?

B'Elannacontinued,"Thealienswhokidnappedyoumadeusallthinkyouweredead.Itwasthreemonthsbeforewefoundyouinthatvillageonthatalienplanet.Theyhadenslavedyou.Theleaderwouldn'tletyougo.Ihadtofightherforyou."

Tomstaredather.Shefoughtforhim?HelookedatJaneway,whonodded.Frustrated,heasked,"Whatthehellisgoingonhere!?"HelookedatB'Elanna,"Whyareyousuddenlysoconcernedaboutme?Whathappenedonthatplanet?"

JanewayandB'Elannastaredateachother.TheCaptaincouldseethehurt,fear,andconfusionflashacrossthehalf-Klingon'sdarkeyes.Heclearlydidn'trememberatall.

JanewaylookedatTom,whowaswaitingforananswer.Hewasafraidandconfusedaswell.Shehadtotellhimwhathasbeengoingon.

"Tom,"Janewaybeganslowly,"Theleaderofthatvillagewantedyouhasasexualslave.Shedruggedyouandtorturedyouintobeingsubmissive.WhenB'ElannaandIfoundyou,youweresopassivewethoughtyou'dneverbethesameTomagain.Youalsohadamnesia.Wetriedforweekstogetyoutoremember.Thentheleaderreturnedandthreatenedtodestroythisshipifwedidn'tgiveyoubacktoher.Wefoughtherandwon,andyouwereinjuredinthebattle."

Tomstaredatbothofthemagain.Heclosedhiseyesandslowlyexhaled.Anotheralienwomantookadvantageofhim.Atleast,thistimeitwasallherfault.Hehopeditwasallherfault.Helookedatthem.B'Elannastillstaredathimwithconcern,buttherewasahintoffearinherdarkeyes.

"What'swrong?"heasked.

B'Elannalookeddownthenbackathim.Sheappearednervousallofasudden.Heknewtherewassomethingupandshewasafraidtotellhim.

"What,Torres?Justtellme."

B'Elannastaredathim.Sheswallowedandtooktheplunge,"ThereasonIfoughtforyouagainstthat,p'taQ,isbecauseyouaremymate.Wearemarried."

Tom'seyesopenedwideinshock.Howthehelldidthathappen?!Moreimportantly:When?Hedidn'trememberanyceremonyoranythingthatmadeherchangehermindabouthim.Heshookhisheadandsuddenlyfeltverydizzy.Heslowlylieddownandclosedhiseyes.

"Howlonghavewebeenmarried?Whendidwegetmarried?"heasked,tryingtostopthespinningsensationinhishead.

"Wehavebeenmarriedforaboutayear,Tom,"B'Elannasaidcalmly.Inside,herstomachswereflip-flopping.Hedidn'trememberthemgettingmarried,butheknewherandheknewthecaptain.Somethingwaswronghere.Completelywrong.

Tomlookedather.Hesearchedhereyesandsawthatshewastellingthetruth.Heshookhishead.Thiswastoomuch.Hemustbeinsomeparalleluniverse.Thatwastheonlyexplanationforeverythingthatwashappeningtohim.Heslowlysatupandlookedatthecaptain.

"Captain,didwerunintoanystrangeanomiliesrecently?"

BothJanewayandB'Elannastaredateachother.Theyknewimmediatelywhathewasthinking.Janewaydecidedtosethimstraight.

"No,Tom.Wedidn't.Thisisnotanotheruniverse.Youhadamnesiaforwhatweassumetobeapproximatelythreetofourmonths.Youarejustnowseemtoberemembering,thankstothatbumponyourheadyoureceivedontheBridge,butitalsoseemyoutoloseyourmostrecentmemories.Iknowitisoverwhelming,butgiveitsometime.Youwillremembereverythingsoon."

"LikewhenImarriedB'Elanna?"Tomlookedatthehalf-Klingon.Heknewhewasattractedtoherforsometime,butshealwaystriedherbesttostayclear

awayfromhim.Whendidshesuddenlychangehermind?

"B'Elanna,"Tomsaidslowly.Hedidn'twanttoupsetherorgetherangry,"Whendidyouchangeyourmindaboutme?"

B'Elannaofferedhimasmallsmile.Thatquestionhadansweredherfears.Heclearlydidnotrememberthelastthreeyears.Shetriednottocryassheansweredhim,"IntheVidiianprison,Tom.Youshowedawholenewsideyouyourself.Afterthat,Iknewtherewasmoretoyouthanyouleton."

Tomstaredatherconfused,"Enoughtomarryme?"

B'Elannasmiled,"No.Iwasabouttomarryanotheracoupleyearslater...."

"Wait.Whatdoyoumeanacoupleyearslater?Whatyearisthis?"

B'ElannalookedattheCaptain.Thelookinhereyestoldtheengineerthatshetoo,hadherfearsconfirmed.Janewayslowlyansweredhim,"Theyearis2374."

Tomgapedatthemboth.Fouryearshadgoneby!?Heshookhishead.Hecouldn'thavebeenoutthatlong,butthenhowcouldhavemarriedB'Elanna.Thedrugsthatwitchgavehimmusthavewipedouthisentirememoryofthepastthreeyears.Hegroanedastherealizationofhispredicamenthithim.Wouldheeverregainthosememories?

"It'sallright,Tom,"Janewayassuredhim,"You'llregainyourmemoriesintime."

Tomdidn'tlookateitherofthem.Threeyears?!Hehadlostthreeyears!Buryinghisfaceinhishands,hetriedtonottocryoutinfrustration.Heforcedhimselftocalmdownasheattemptedtocollecthisthoughts.Worsethingshadhappenedtohim,andtheCaptainwasright,hemightregainhismemorieseventually.Hejusthopeditdidn'ttakeanotherthreeyearstodoso.

B'Elannafeltmiserable.Herhusbandhadregainedonlysomeofhismemories.Sheshouldbehappythathehadregainedthem.B'Elannadidn'tknowwhenorifhewouldevergettherestofhismemoriesback.Shewasn'tpatientenoughto

waitanothercouplemonthsorevenyears,nomatterhowlongittookforhimtoremember.Sheclosedhereyesasathoughtoccurredtoher:shewouldjusthavetostartoverwithhim.Theygottogetherbefore,anditwasdestinedthattheybetogetheragain.

TheengineerturnedtoJanewayandsaidsoftly,"MayIspeakwithyouamoment,Captain?"

JanewaylookedfirstatB'ElannathenatTom,whowasstilltryingtogethisemotionsundercontrol.Shefinallynoddedandsteppedawayfromthebiobed.

"Whatitis,B'Elanna?"Janewayasked.

B'Elannatookabreathandletitoutslowly.Shethennoddedtoherselfandspoke,"Iknowitwillbedifficultforhim,Captain.Itmaybeworsethistimearound,nowthathehasregainedsomeofhismemories.He'llbefrustratedtwiceasmuchwithpeopletryingtogethimtorememberthings.Iwanthimtomovebackinwithmeandtheboys.Iknowitwillbeashock,buthopefullynotasbigashockaslasttime."

Janewaylookedatthepilot.TheDoctorandadministeredasedativeandhehadfinallyfallenasleep.TheDoctorhoveredoverhimrunningtests.ShethenlookedbackatB'Elanna,"Youwantmyadvice?"

B'Elannasighed.That'sexactlywhatshewanted.Shewasatalossanddidn'tknowwhattodo.Engines,shecouldfixwithnoproblems,butthis,shehadnoidea.AllsheknewwasthatshewantedTomnearher.Shenoddedherhead.

"Hewillbequitesurprisedandconfusedthatyouarelivingtogether.Heonlyremembershisfirstyearonthisship.Ifeelthat,itwouldbetoosuddenforhimtomoveinwithyou.HeneedstotakeitslowandreadjusttoVoyager.Iwillassignhimhisownquarters.Youcanvisithimofcourse.He'llneedpatienceandunderstanding,B'Elanna.Don'tpushhimintotryingtoremember.You'llonlyfrustratehimandyourself."

B'Elannaofferedasmile,"UnderstandingIcando,butpatiencewasnevermystrongsuit."

Janewayreturnedthesmile,"Iknow.Youwillhavetoworkonthat.Hopefully,helpingTomwillhelpyoulearnpatience."

B'Elannanodded,"I'llbebackforhimwhentheDoctorreleaseshim."

"That'sagoodidea."

*****

Twohourslater,B'ElannaenteredSickbay.Thistime,shewaspushingastrollerwithhertwinboysinit.SheknewshehadtointroducethemtoTom.Hewouldbeseeingalotoftheminthecomingdays.Sheknewthiswouldbeahugeshock,butshehopedhewouldn'tbetooupset.

TheDoctorcameuptoherwithacuriouslookonhisface,"Andwhatareyouexpectingfromhimbyshowingtheboystohim?"heasked.

B'Elannastaredathim,"Tomneedstoknowhe'safather,Doctor.Itwouldbeunfairofmeandeveryoneelsetokeepthislittlefactfromhim.Also,itmighthelphimcometotermsthathe'sahusbandaswell.Maybe,hemightremembersomething."

TheEMHrolledhiseyes,"Iwouldn'tholdmybreath,Lt.Torres.Itmightbeaverylongtimebeforeheremembersanything."

B'ElannarefrainedfromsnarlingandpushedthestrollertowardthebiobedTomwassittingon.BythelookTomwasgivingher,heprobablyheardsomepiecesoftheconversationshehadwiththeDoctor.Shesuddenlybecameverynervous,butsherefusedtoshowit.

"Hello,Tom,"shesaidsoftly,"I'vebroughtyousomevisitors."

"SincewhendidwehavetwolittleboysonVoyager?"heasked.ThenhenoticedtheslightridgesontheirforeheadandlookatB'Elanna.Herubbedhisownforehead."They'reyourchildren,B'Elanna?"Hecouldn'tbelievethatB'Elannawasactuallyamother.

"Actually,Tom,thereareoursons.They'reourtwins."

"Icanseethattheyaretwins,"Tomblurted,"ButIhavesons!?They'remine!?"

B'ElannacouldhavelaughedatTom'ssurprisedexpression.Itwasalmostthesameastheexpressionwhenshefirsttoldhimhewasgoingtobeafather.Shesmiledslightlyandcontinued,"Yes,Tom.They'reyoursandmine."

Tomstaredather.Hewasafather?Hesuddenlyhadtheurgetositdown.Hisheadwasspinningagain.Heclosedhiseyesandcalmedhimselfasthisnewssankintohishead.Somuchhadhappenedthathedidn'tremember.Hewonderedagainifhewouldrememberthematall.Afteramoment,heopenedhiseyesandlookedatB'Elanna.Concernwasevidentinherdarkeyes.Eyesthathadstruckhimthefirsttimehesawthem.

"Whataretheirnames?"Tomasked,softly.

B'Elannanodded,"TheirnamesareLucasK'LarandKyleD'Trem."

"There'syouDada,boys,"B'Elannapickedupthetwochildreninherarms.Theylookedaboutfourteenmonthsold.Hegaspedwhentheyturnedtolookathim.Theywerebeautiful.HecouldmakeoutthefaintKlingonridgesmoreclearlyontheirforeheads.Oneboyhaddarkhairtheotherblonde.

"ThedarkhairedoneisnamedLucasandtheblondeisKyle,"B'Elannasaidasshewenttohim.Tomcouldseethattheireyeswerealsodifferent.KylehadB'Elanna'sdarkbrowneyeswhileLucashadblueones.Helookedatherandshesmiled.

"They'rebeautiful,B'Elanna,"Tomwhispered,hisvoicealmostbreaking.

B'Elannasmiled.Sheheardthecatchinhisvoice.Heprobablyneverthoughthewouldhavechildrensomeday.Heprobablythoughthe'dnevermarry,either.Thismusthavecometohimasonebigsurprise.Nowonderhethoughthewasinanotheruniverse.

"I'vecomeupwithsomethingforthethreeofyoutodowhilerebonding,"B'Elannamentioned,changingthesubject,"It'sreadyforyouwhenyouare,Tom."

Tomlookedather.Thiswasallverynewtohimandsudden.Sinceshewaswillingtomakeitaseasyforhimaspossible,heshouldatleasttry.Tomnoddedandasmilecreptacrossherface.Shelookedincrediblybeautifultothepilotthen.Hehardlyrememberedhersmilinglikethat.Shemusthavelearnedtosmileduringthethreeyearshemissed.Ifonlyhecouldremember.

"Wouldyouliketogonow?"B'Elannaasked.

Tomsmiled,"Whynot?Iwouldlovetoseewhatyoucameupwith."

Thehalf-Klingonrolledhereyes.Shecouldtellthathissenseofhumorwasstartingtoreturn.Atleast,shelearnedtoappreciatehishumorevenwhenhewastryingtocheerherup.Shewasquitegratefulthathishumorwasreturning.Itgaveherhopethattherestwassuretofollow.

Thefamilyheadedtowardtheholodeckafewminuteslater,B'Elannacouldtellhewasnervousandconfused,buthewasn'tatallneartheterrifiedsubmissiveTomthattheyrescuedfromDaylia.Ifanything,hewasalmostnormal.Ifoneconsideredthathewashidingbehindthatmaskofhisnormal.Sheknewbetter,though.

"Hereweare,"B'Elannasaid,stoppingatthedoorstotheholodeck.Shecalleduptheprogramandthedoorsslidopen.Sheturnedtohimandsawsurpriseflashacrosshiseyes,thoughhisexpressionwascalm.

Tomfollowedherinside.Helookedaroundathissurroundingstofindhimselfinazoo.Thesoundsandsmellsofanimalswereallaround.HeturnedbacktoB'Elanna,anexpressionofpuzzlementonhisface.

"We'reattheSanDiegoZoobackonEarth,"B'Elannaexplained,"It'sactuallyHarry'sprogramfortheboys.Ithoughtitwouldbegreatforyouandthemtogettoknoweachotheragain."

Tomsmiledslightly.Hethenlookedaroundatthepark.Itwasearlyafternoon,yettherewashardlyanyvisitorsabout.B'Elannamusthavewantedthemtogettoknoweachotheragainwithminimaldistraction.Hethenlookedbackatherandnodded.

"It'sverynice,"hesaid,alittleunsure,"Quiterealistic."

B'Elannasmiledasshepickeduponeoftheboys,"Harrykeepssayinghe'spickedupsomepointersfromyou."

Thatgotherarealsmilefromhim,shesuddenlyfeltherselfbecomeweak.B'Elannahadalmostforgottenwhatthatsmileandthoseeyescoulddotoher.Suddenly,thereasonshehadforgottencametoher.ShebitterlycursedDayliaagain.Thehalf-Klingonwasgladthatthewomangotwhatshedeserved.Shewasangry,thoughshewishedshehadbeentheonethatkilledher.

"B'Elanna?"Tomasked,noticinghergrimace.

B'Elannajumped.Shestaredathimandsawhisconcernedexpression.Shesmiledweaklyandsaid,"I'mallright,Tom.Justabadmemoryassaultedme.It'sgonenow."

Tomlookedather,hisconcernstillthere,"I'msorry,B'Elanna."

"It'sallright,Tom."ShethenhandedKyletohim,"Whydon'tyoutakethem,Tom.IhavetogotoEngineering.Itmightgiveyouachancetorebondwiththem."

Tomstaredather.Shetrustedhimenoughtoleavethechildrenwithhim?Hefoundhimselfnoddingashetooktheboysinhisarms.Sittingdownonabench,helookedatoneboythentheother.Hestillcouldn'tgetovertheideathatthesewerehissons.Itfeltlikehewasdreaming,thenhedismissedthatidea.Ifthiswasadream,hewouldhavebeenawholelothappierthanthis.Andalotlessconfused.

Tomreachedoutandtouchedtheridgesoneachforehead.Theygiggledandhefoundhimselfsmiling.LucasreachedoutandgentlypulledTom'shair.

"Dada,"Tom'sbreathcaughtatthesoundofthat.Staringintothepiercingblueeyes,hesworehesawhimselflookingback.Hesuddenlyfeltthestingoftearswellupinhiseyes.Hetriedtoforcethemaway,buthefeltonesliddownhischeek.

B'ElannawatchedasTomembracedLucasandKyle.Shecouldbarelyseethetearscomingdownhisfaceashehuggedhissons.Shesmiledsoftlyasthefeelingofhopefilledherheart.

*Oneday,Tom,youwillremembereverythingandIwillhavemyhusbandback.*

TheEnd

Pleaseemailtheauthorsandletthemknowifyoulikedthestory.Marleena—blacjac@juno.comPJinNH—kelhapam@lr.net

SpecialthankstoIsabelleS.andAmandaB.fortheirhelpintheFrenchtranslation.