for the sake of truth - by iskander jadeed

8/6/2019 For the Sake of Truth - By Iskander Jadeed

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FOR THE SAKEOF TRUTH

Iskander Jadeed

1 Introduction.......................................2

2 A Summary of Taufiq's Memoirs......3

2.1 A Call and a Choice......................3

2.2 In the Way.....................................5

2.3 First Impressions...........................7

2.4 Events........................................... 8

2.5 A Simple Wedding..................... 11

2.6 In the Military............................. 12

2.7 The Message of the Cross...........14

2.8 Decision to Leave....................... 152.9 Experiences.................................18

2.9.1 In the Shadow of the Cross.... 18

2.9.2 In the Shadow of the Cross ...Again....................................................19

2.9.3 The Yoke of Christ.................19

2.9.4 More Opposition.................... 21

2.9.5 An Unsuccessful Merchant.... 21

2.9.6 "The Blood Shall be a Sign to

You"..................................................... 23

2.10 Practical Ministry......................25

3 AN EXCHANGE OF LETTERS....26

3.1 A Brother Seeks Truth................26

3.2 Love in Action............................ 30

3.3 Love Covers Many Sins..............32

3.4 I Believe......................................36

3.5 The Cross is a Reality.................39

3.5.1 The Wages of Sin...................43

3.5.2 The Love of God Intervenes...43

3.5.3 The Nation's Experiences.......44

3.6 The Incarnation...........................45

3.7 Redemption.................................52

3.8 The Truth of the Cross................58

3.8.1 1. Historical Evidence:........... 58

3.8.2 2. Traditional Evidence:.........60

3.9 The Trial of Christ...................... 63

3.10 The Crucifixion......................... 71

3.11 Prophetic Evidence................... 78

3.12 Sensory Evidence......................81

3.13 Verbal Evidence........................83

3.14 More Verbal Evidence.............. 85

3.15 Puzzling Questions....................93

3.16 Appointing a Mediator............ 109

3.17 Back to the Sacrifice............... 112

3.18 The Alleged Corruption.......... 121

3.19 The Qur'anic Testimony..........134

3.20 The Alleged Abrogation..........139

3.21 Quiz.........................................144

3.22 Epilogue.................................. 146

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1. Introduction

I have known Taufiq since I was a child.He comes from a fine family whose

members are proud of their past gloriesand honourable forefathers. Misfortune,however, plunged him into despair early inlife. His tears were many, owing to trialsand worries which deprived him of anylasting joy. He left the home of his fathersuddenly, setting out into God's wideworld.

The villagers had conflicting things to sayabout him. Some claimed that he was a

son who had never received love from hisfeuding parents; thus, it was no surprisethat he would go. Others believed he hadbeen in love, but that the young lady inquestion had left him and married one ofhis relatives; so he fled to a far-away placewhere he could forget her. Still, others saidthat he had read some religious bookswhich influenced his beliefs, driving him

to leave the faith of his forefathers;

understandably, he had to vanish. Andthere were those who contentedthemselves with the idea that he wasmerely crazy.

As for me, I said nothing -- either becauseI admired his simplicity of thought andpassion for truth, or because I am not onewho incriminates others, whether inthought or speech. I believe there aresecrets hidden in every soul, inaccessibleto investigation.

Years passed by. Slanderous reports abouthim reached me, but I did not publishthese accounts, for fear of spreadingfalsehood -- the poison which villagersinject into every incident. One day, Ireceived a registered letter from Taufiq.He asked me to visit him in Lebanon, andhe had fixed the time and place. I wasoverjoyed at this invitation, eager for suchan opportunity -- not only because I

sympathised with him, but because Iwanted to discover the secrets surroundinghim.

Upon meeting him, I found him to be ingood health. Some lines upon hiscountenance, the inescapable effects oftime, added a distinguished look to hisappearance. From the sparkle in his eyes, Idetected an inner joy, pervaded withpeace.

I gazed upon his face intently, seeking tofind the reason for the brightness of hissmile -- one which radiated a dignity instark contrast to the slanderous things thathad been said about him over the years.

"What has happened to you?" I asked."Where is that angry mask you used tocover your face with? What has happenedto the sadness that marked your youth?"

FOR THE SAKE OF TRUTH

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"My friend, you will learn everything," he

replied, beaming. "For twenty years I havebeen absorbed with the reasons behind mydeparture from home. I have patientlyendured the slander hurled at me from alldirections and have borne the woundsinflicted upon me in the house of myfriends. The only comfort from the paincame from the living hope within my heart-- one which arose as a result of certainbooks I had read. Now, my friend, the timehas come to let everyone hear my cry,

which refuses to be silenced. But keep mystory to yourself until you find the righttime for its disclosure. Then write andpublish it, but do this with care -- neitherfilling it with trivia that do injustice to myfreedom of opinion, nor lessening my thrillof doing battle for the sake of truth."

I stayed with my friend several days,listening to his spellbinding story, relivingwith him step by step the events he sovividly conveyed. Before our parting

embrace, he handed me a large file andsaid: "My brother Hassan remained true tome until the end. In this file, you will findmy memoirs and the collection of lettersthat we exchanged -- those in which wediscussed the way leading to eternal life."After a moment's silence, he continued, "Ibelieve that publishing the contents ofthese letters will prompt many to stopslandering me."

Ten years have passed since the time ofthat encounter which affected me soindelibly. The echo of Taufiq's last wordshave tolled like a bell in my mindwhenever I have been alone.

One day, while scanning a magazine, Icame across an article that revealed freshnews about him -- news that reminded meof those letters he had left with me. I

realised the time had come to publish his

story. It now gives me great pleasure topresent this account to my readers.

Iskander

2. A Summary of Taufiq'sMemoirs

2.1. A Call and a Choice

"Listen, O coastlands, to Me, and take heed,

you peoples from afar! The Lord has calledMe from the womb; from the matrix of Mymother he has made mention of My name."(Isaiah 49:1)

On the brow of a green hill, backed by amountain range stretching from Taurus inthe north to Akkar in the south, parallel tothe azure Mediterranean, stood a ruralhouse with no wings or balconies. Exceptfor the cut stones in its walls,distinguishing it from the surrounding

cottages, one could not tell that it was thehouse of a tribal chief. It was here in 1911that I was born.

My name was recorded as Taufiq in theregister of births. Although my birth was asource of joy for some, I myself did nothave a happy childhood. There was anatmosphere of strife in my home whichprevented any serenity.

My father had three wives. With the

passage of time, they had learned to livetogether under the same roof in a sort oftruce. However, my father's taking a fourthwife dealt a blow to all. It gave occasionfor hatred, anger and contention and the"peace agreement" in the home wasshattered.

This happened before I turned six, and mymind could not fathom all that was going





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on; neither could I comprehend why my

mother insisted on creating a deep gulfbetween me and the other sons anddaughters of my father. My eyes were thewitnesses of a human tragedy played onthe stage of a household chargedpassionately with rivalry and contempt.

I remember one particular morning withsome bitterness, when, during my father'sabsence, I was snatched from my bedbefore dawn, dressed hurriedly and rushedoff while still half-asleep. I awoke later inthe house of my maternal grandfatherwhere my two sisters had been sent anhour earlier. Here I heard my motherannounce her determination to desert thehome of her husband and live with us in aseparate house.

When father returned, he tried hard todissuade her, but she was inflexible,refusing any kind of settlement. Hesubmitted to her wishes and entrusted her

with some properties, so that by managingthese she would have the necessaryincome with which to secure a decentupbringing for her children.

Although my father acted kindly towardsher, she held a grudge against him all herlife, refusing co-operation in any matter,even that of my upbringing. Jealousy renther heart and she lost all reasonableness.

Despite my desire to honour her memory

as a mother, I cannot but confess that shefailed to provide me with a soundupbringing. She loved me sacrificially, butI had to endure her negativity, bitternessand sharp temper. These attitudesprevented her from being the mother sheshould have been. I can justify herbehaviour to some extent, because sheherself had grown up in a home with the

same painful tragedy of polygamy, the

social evil which has been and still is onereason behind the disintegration of manyfamilies in our beloved Orient.

My mother was divided between lovingher children and hating the other wives ofher husband. Thus, I spent my childhoodin an atmosphere of conflicting emotionsand knew little of stability. It was onlynatural that I bore the imprint of theenvironment in which I grew up. Therewere knots of disturbed emotions insideme, which prevented me from forming anyties with my father's other sons anddaughters. They themselves were no betteroff than I. If it were not for the wonderfullove of God that met me with special careand prepared me to know the Saviour, Iwould certainly have become the most evilof men.

My father was very fond of me and wantedto supervise my upbringing. He longed

dearly for me to stay with him. It may bethat he kept my mother under hisprotection, despite her hostility, for thevery reason of his love for me.

One day, he took me to the town of Jabalawhere he had a large house and office formanaging his affairs as head of the tribe, aprominent position in our district. Hewanted to put me through school in thatarea. However, my being under the sameroof as his new wife was enough to arouse

my mother's feelings. Her mistrust led herto bring me back to the village where shewas living. It was in this village that Ispent five years at the Kuttab al-Khoja,learning to read and write. When apreparatory school opened nearby, mymother sent me there. It was at this schoolthat I spent another five years, learning allthat Sheikh Ahmad and his colleague, Ali





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Effendi, could impart to me.

When I became an adolescent, I possessedsensitivity and intelligence -- two qualitieswhich developed despite the feverishhostility that surrounded me. Because ofthese attributes, I was able to discern thefolly of my parents and establish afoundation for regulating my emotions andconfused perceptions. Nonetheless, Isorely craved counsel, and my need keptclamouring for someone to guide me andshow me the way.

My father would have been the naturalperson to provide me with the direction Iso desperately needed because he lovedme and was most fitted for this task.However, he was so busy with the childrenof his newest wife that he seemed not tohave any time for me. It would also havebeen natural for my elder brothers toundertake such task, but thee were unfitfor such a responsibility.

In this atmosphere, void of love andharmony, it became my own duty to lay afoundation for my future. Although I hadno clear idea of what to do, I felt stronglythat my first step was to go to secondaryschool and that without delay.

News of secondary schools opening in thecities kept reaching me, and thisheightened my desire to attend one. Thiswish grew to be my dearest longing, so I

rushed to my father and asked him to helpme realise my aspiration. I shed many atear before a decision was made to sendme to the boys' secondary school inLatakia. After my mother made certainthat none of my father's other wives livedin that city, she could find no reason forholding me back.

Having enrolled, I applied myself to my

studies earnestly, and my own natural

intelligence helped me progress rapidly.As a result, I was able to complete thehigher syllabus in three years.Furthermore, my keenness and sharppower of observation helped me make upquickly for what I lacked in social graces.

During my years at secondary school, Ilived in the home of a fine Christianwidow. My father paid her for my roomand lodging. Despite my relationship toher as a boarder, this generous lady treatedme as a son and I admit with pride that herhome was my first school of etiquette.

In this noble home, I observed how lovethat is patient, kind and forgiving spreadspeace among the family members. Themeekness and humility of the childrenthere pricked my pride, and their vying toplease me helped to rid me of coarsenessand selfishness. This in turn urged me tore-examine much of my behaviour. In this

family's simple circle of friends andrelatives, I found hospitality andacceptance and the habits I learned helpedto set my life on a firm foundation. Thefriends I made there were and still are themost loving, noble and loyal of any I havehad throughout my life. How different theyare from the complex-ridden children ofmany prominent families!

2.2. In the Way

"And other sheep I have which are not of thisfold; them also I must bring, and they willhear My voice; and there will be one flockand one shepherd." (John 10:16)

As a child, I inclined towards piety andadherence to ethical rules, in accordancewith the religious order to which Ibelonged. As for my attitude toward the





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beliefs of other denominations, it was

characterised by reserve. Furthermore, Iwas repulsed by the Christian religion,because it proclaims the crucifixion ofJesus Christ at the hands of the Jews;besides, certain theological treatises haveaccused Christianity of polytheism. I hadbeen strongly influenced by the Batiniyaschool of thought in Islam which seeks thehidden meaning behind the revealed sacredwritings of our faith. I believed that Christmust have been superhuman and far above

the angels; so the idea that he wasdelivered to crucifixion by the Jewsseemed preposterous.

I sometimes argued with my new friendsand they appeared unable to refute myclaims, owing to their lack of religiousknowledge. One day, they invited a certainyouth to debate with me. However, he didnot contend with me at all but introducedhimself to me cordially, saying, "I am A.M., a student in the Evangelical School,

and I would be very pleased if we could befriends."

"Ahlan Wasahlan (welcome)," I said tohim, "it will be a great honour for me to becounted among your friends."

This youth was very pleasant, courteousand discriminating. With such qualities, hewon my highest esteem. We became quitefond of one another in a short time, andour mutual respect developed into a kind

of brotherhood. God used this youth tolead me to a knowledge of the Saviour.

It happened that he invited me toaccompany him to his church on one ofour school holidays. "Our church willcelebrate one of its feasts today," he said,"and I would be happy if you would comealong and be introduced to the way we

worship."

I told him: "I am sorry, but I hold certainprivate opinions about Christianity whichprevent me from attending. I am not at allcomfortable with what you Christians keeprepeating about Christ being crucified."

"Just a moment, brother," my friend said,"the teaching of the cross is very sublime,more profound than you can imagine orthink. It is the work of God in redemption,in keeping with His wonderful love for

man. However, since you are not ready toconsider this subject, let us not discuss it

just yet."

After a period of silence, he removed acopy of the New Testament from hispocket and said to me: "Take this; it is theGospel of God. Read it sincerely. Ponderits contents. I shall ask God to illuminateyour mind, so that you may know thereason for which Christ came into theworld as a man and died on a cross."

I took the Book and thanked him. Beforegoing to bed, I reviewed his words,drawing on my memory to recall the echoof that unusual tone in which he hadexpressed himself, for I sensed thesincerity of one who wished happiness forhis friend. A host of conflicting sentimentswelled up inside me. In the end, I feltmyself driven by an intuition, not of thisworld, to reconsider my negative reaction

to his invitation.I told him one day: "I have decided toaccompany you to your church. I realisethat I have no reason to be apprehensive."

"Good," said he with a bright smile, "let usmeet tomorrow, Sunday."

I accompanied him to church that Sunday.I experienced things there that were





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altogether different from what I had

previously heard or imagined. The way thechurch members worshipped pleased me,and it seemed not strange at all. Thesimplicity and reverence of all that wenton impressed me. The beauty of thesinging drew my attention especially, butit was the minister's sermon that affectedme most, for it had an impact on my soul.

2.3. First Impressions

"Let your light so shine before men, that theymay see your good works and glorify yourFather in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)

The simple folk with whom God placedme loved me so very much; it was onlynatural that I would be drawn by theirlove. I witnessed lives that weremarvellously pure and saw the beauty ofChristian devotion. Such a testimony didits work in my soul, melting the blindbigotry which had enveloped my mind and

paralysed my thoughts, keeping me fromaccepting reasonable truths held bymillions.

In this atmosphere, saturated with love, Icould see the wisdom in my friend's adviceto read the Gospel. After removing thecopy he had given me from the drawer inmy desk, I started to read. From the onset,I found myself gripped as though bymagic; the words of Jesus seemed to have

been written especially for me. Readingthe Sermon on the Mount, I wasintroduced to a new world that glitteredwith love.

As I continued reading the Gospel, I grewin grace and in the knowledge of Christ.When I read John 3:16, an overwhelmingsense of joy took hold of me, for in thispassage of Scripture I discovered the key

to the mystery of the cross: "For God so

loved the world that He gave His onlybegotten Son, that whoever believes inHim should not perish but have everlastinglife" (John 3:16).

My mind was opened, and the veil overmy discernment, removed. Suddenly, Iknew why Jesus was willing to die on thecross: God loved man to such an extentthat He lavishly gave the offering of Hisonly Son to redeem all who would believein Him, saving them from the punishmentof everlasting separation from Him. Butthis truth often conflicts with man'sunderstanding. The intellect of manyrebels against it, hesitating to accept theidea that God would offer His only Son formankind. But if Abraham offered his son,Isaac, to God because he loved Him,would God Himself -- the very fountain oflove -- be less generous than to give HisSon? Of course not! If love can be foundin the heart of man, inadequate and

irregular though it be, surely it is therewithout bounds in the heart of God, forGod Himself is love!

The gentle breezes of love blew on me inthis marvellous evangelical atmosphere,quickening the deadness of my heart,hardened by my rebellion and sins. I wasspellbound with the love portrayed in theGospel, so I studied it eagerly. Imemorised all the passages which speak ofthe love of God to sinful man and, beforelong, I was aware of my need to seeksalvation. To my joy, I came to knowJesus as my Saviour. He died for me onthe cross, so that I need never perish; Icould have everlasting life.

My knowledge of the Saviour was leadingme to confess Him before others. But howwas this to be accomplished? Would there





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be any understanding shown to one who

had left the principles and traditions of hisforefathers?

Danger seemed to be lurking in everycorner, and the doors of compassionappeared closed in my face. It was mydesperate need to hold fast to God's mercy,for the One who said, "Follow me," alsosaid, "I give them eternal life, and theyshall never perish; neither shall anyonesnatch them out of My hand" (John 10:28).

I still lacked a wide knowledge of thingspertaining to the Christian life whichwould have equipped me to deal with mysituation through prayer. However, theGreat Shepherd knew my need forprotection. I was positively assured that Hecared for me and would ward off all harm,guarding me from every evil.

2.4. Events

"Keep silence before Me, O coastlands, andlet the people renew their strength! Let themcome near, then let them speak; Let us comenear together for judgement." (Isaiah 41:1)

1929 was a year of momentous events formy family. A series of calamities befellmy father. He lost his seat in theparliamentary elections, and this led to hisdecline politically, financially and socially.He started to drink and gamble until hewas burdened by debt. His properties were

foreclosed and his income shrank. Thissetback in my father's affairs affected thecourse of my life because, as his conditionworsened, it became impossible for me tocontinue my education. I ended up havingto work in order to support myself.

I left the halls of learning and sought out aposition in the offices of government,

hoping that my father's former fame would

still be acknowledged and that somehelping hand would surely be offered me,but nothing of the kind happened. Thesenior officials of my school opposed myleaving, suggesting a much brighter futurefor me if I continued with my studies. I didnot heed this advice but continued in myefforts to find a job.

I applied for a position in the Departmentof Posts and Telegraphs, but since I had noone to back my application, my appeal wasdenied. My thoughts were troubled, and Ibecame like a ship in the midst of a fiercestorm, tossed about in all directions.Friends noticed the turmoil on my face,and they wondered what was happening tome -- one who had just recently faced allthe situations of life with a smile. Sometried to investigate the source of theproblem in order to help me. However, mypride refused any interference from othersin my affairs.

In spite of these events and theaccompanying upsets and painful worries,my determination to announce my faith inChrist still occupied first place in mythoughts.

One rainy day in March 1929, I went withmy friend, A.M., to meet the churchminister and share my concerns with him.This pleased the minister, and he prayedfor and encouraged me. However, he

expressed deep regret at not being able toaccept me officially into his church,because the law of the land prohibited that.He also showed alarm at the thought of apossible conflict with my father over thematter. After some thought, he advised meto go to Lebanon where the citizens enjoyfreedom of thought and belief. He alsopromised to send a letter of commendation





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to the Evangelical Council there. This was

done with the hope that they would acceptme as a member in one of their churches.

Although the idea of moving to Lebanonseemed sound from the aspect of mybenefiting from the laws in this land, it didnot solve my problem. By relocating to acountry where I had no friends oracquaintances, I risked being faced withnew problems for which I would not beprepared. For one thing, I had to earn aliving, which would be a challenge noteasy to meet; I had no professional trainingor work experience.

I left the gracious minister withoutdeciding on anything, because thingsappeared complicated and frightening.However, I did not lose my faith in God towhom I had entrusted all my affairs.Despite the many discouragements andfrustrations which loomed on the horizon,I felt deep within my soul that relief was

near.As I was wrestling with my thoughts thefollowing morning, my colleague atschool, G. G., arrived. After greeting me,he said: "There has been a disagreementbetween my father and me, and I amunable to remain at home. I would like toleave for Lebanon as soon as possible and

join the Army of the Levant, attached tothe French High Command."

I quickly cautioned, "Can you cope withthe hardships of army life?"

"Oh," he responded, "there are no realhardships, as far as the educated youngmen are concerned. After a period oftraining, an examination is given; thosewho succeed are sent to the officers'school and the rest, to thenon-commissioned officers' school."

"If that is the case, what would prevent me

from joining you?" I asked. It appeared tome that enlisting in the army would be thesolution to all my problems; at least this ishow it struck me as soon as he proposedgoing to Lebanon.

"I would be very pleased if we wenttogether," my friend replied, smiling."Give the matter some serious thought, butbe quick about it. I will return tomorrowmorning. If you decide to go, we can leavetogether."

"I have already decided and will startmaking preparations immediately," I said."May God be with us."

I did not need much time to prepare,because the things I could bring with me tothe barracks were few. I gave away myclothing to the sons of Mrs. S., and theygrew sad when they heard of my plans toleave. As I left them the followingmorning, it was with tears and a heavyheart, for those good people occupied aplace in my life which my family hadfailed to fill. If it were not for the boldnesswhich new hope had created in my soul, Icould not have left them.

G. G. and I set out in the direction ofTripoli, and we arrived by noon. Afterwandering about in the streets the rest ofthe day, we spent the night in a modesthotel. The following morning, we left for

the army barracks. There, after being givena medical examination, we were enrolledinto the First Infantry Division. That daywas March 11, 1929, and I have beeninfantryman number 8382 since then.

The next day, I was sent to the trainingschool, along with a group of youths froma variety of backgrounds. Every group offorty enlisted soldiers was allocated a





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The governor referred the matter to the

high command, bypassing the militaryattach of the high commissioner.Knowing that I was innocent of all I hadbeen accused, God had prepared thedetachment commander, a noble man ofintegrity, as my strong defender. I told himall of my story after he had summoned meinto his office. No sooner had I revealed itto him than he rushed to my defence,rebutting every accusation levelled at me.In preparing his defence, he was helped by

a certificate from my headmaster -- aformer officer who held the Legion ofHonour award -- which applauded myconduct and praised my exemplarycharacter.

When his report reached the commandheadquarters, the chief of staff sent acomplaint to the district councillor, askinghim to either sign my papers or be chargedwith obstructing orders. He did not complywith these instructions fully, suggesting

instead a solution which would satisfy myfather, whose displeasure he consideredundesirable for the mandate power. Hissolution was that I should be transferred tothe second detachment stationed in Latakiawhere, according to the councillor, mytraining and preparation for the warcollege would be entrusted to officers ofhigh calibre.

This proposal was referred to the highcommand for ratification. Fortunately, mydetachment commander regarded thisproposal as an attempt to cast doubt on hisofficer's standing, so he sent a detailedreport, stiffly worded, accusing thecouncillor of conspiring with my father todeprive the army of an educated youthwith a bright future. This report had astrong impact on the high command whichmade a final decision in my case, giving

me the following options: discharge from

the army, transfer to the second regiment,or remaining in the first regiment.

Naturally, I chose to stay with the firstregiment in Lebanon where I could await asuitable opportunity to request officialmembership in a church. It was for thisvery goal that I had left my own peopleand country. After I had announced mydecision to my commander, he was visiblymoved and said encouragingly, "Do notfear any harm from now on, for Ipersonally will take an active interest inyour development."

"Thank you, sir," I replied with tears, "Iwill justify your faith in me."

This commander lived up to his promise.When I finished my first course oftraining, he promoted me to the rank ofcorporal and appointed a secretary andinterpreter for me in his office. After a fewmore months, he promoted me as sergeant.This raised my morale, meeting my needsand presenting me in a favourable light inthe community.

During this time, I began to visit anevangelical church where I found aspiritual atmosphere that impressed me. Ialso found encouragement from the pastorthere, a man of God by the name ofAbdallah Massouh. After a brief period ofattendance, I was accepted into full

membership.

2.5. A Simple Wedding

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs isthe kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:3)

On February 23, 1932, I was married toMartha Atieh in the National EvangelicalChurch of Beirut. Rev. Mufeed Abd





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al-Kareem, president of the Supreme

Council of the Evangelical Church,officiated.

Our wedding lacked the pomp andgrandeur of others which typically beginwith a large procession, the pealing ofbells and the joyous trills of women'svoices. The bridal procession wascomposed of just the bride's brother andhis spouse. Three other friends, who cameby foot, bore their good wishes instead offloral wreaths. As for the procession of thegroom, it consisted of two witnesses whohappened to be construction workers.

Despite our wedding's lack ofsophistication, it had the glory ofsimplicity and the majesty of humility, andit was overshadowed by the presence ofthe Lord who blessed it as he did thewedding in Cana of Galilee. There wereneither speeches, cheers, clapping, nor anygrand tunes played to arouse mirth, but

only a simple hymn sung by the minister'swife and daughter, which mingled with thesongs of thankfulness ringing in ourhearts. They sang of the One who loved usand cleansed us from our sins by Hisblood.

When we left the church, there was noconvoy of cars, decorated with ribbons.Instead, we went by foot to the taxi stationand secured two seats in a car bound forTripoli. When we arrived at Altal Square,

there was no one waiting for us, but Godwas our companion and His voicewhispered in our hearts: "Blessed are thepoor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom ofheaven Blessed are the meek, for theyshall inherit the earth Blessed are the purein heart, for they shall see God" (Matthew5:3,5,8).

We did not have a house in the proper

sense of the word, because the place I hadprepared consisted merely of one room.Among the furniture were a simple bedwith a mattress and pillow of straw, asmall table and two chairs. However, wewere happy. Our hearts were filled with a

joy not of this world, created in us by thepeace of God which the world can neitheroffer nor comprehend.

Since we did not have the money to buykitchen utensils, we received our meals fora while at the home of our neighbour,Umm Fahd, whom we paid a modest sumin keeping with my small army salary.From our relationship with him, welearned the best lesson in communalco-operation and found it to be a greatblessing, for it was here that we weredrilled in the art of living simply andrealistically, within our means. TheApostle Paul wrote: "I have learned inwhatever state I am, to be content"

(Philippians 4:11).

At that time, my wife and I were in need ofsocial instruction, so God sent an eldersister to us, Mrs. Wajeeha Abu Rustum.She did not spare any efforts in giving mywife sound guidance and counsel. Openingher home to us without reserve, sheafforded us the opportunity of meeting thebest among her friends. I personally foundMr. Abu Rustum to be not only a faithfulfriend but also a wise mentor.

Our spiritual care was undertaken byReverends Massouh and Nelson who keptan eye on us. They and their wives visitedus regularly, and these occasions helpedset my spiritual life on a solid foundation.

2.6. In the Military





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"And Lot lifted his eyes and saw all the plain

of Jordan, that it was well wateredeverywhere (before the Lord destroyedSodom and Gomorra) like the garden of theLord, like the land of Egypt as you go towardZoar." (Genesis 13:10)

In summer 1934, I joined the militaryacademy in Homs, where I was to spendthe next five years. Half of my time wasspent in the accounts division and theother half, in receiving my military andscientific training. At the end of the period,

I passed the examinations successfully andobtained the certificates that entitled me tobe promoted to the rank of officer.

During my stay in Homs, I joined theevangelical circle and attended the churchmeetings and other activities regularly. Itwas at the Homs Evangelical Church that Ifirst heard a message on "the new birth".The speaker was an Egyptian preacher,Sheikh Kamel Mansour. His sermonenlightened my mind, for I learned that myChristian calling should go beyond mybelief and activities with other Christians;it had to extend to the point ofconsecrating my life to God. I longed withall my being to devote my life to theRedeemer. However, this aim seemed tobe unattainable, because life at the armybarracks had made me somewhat coarseand short-tempered.

While at Homs, I won the esteem of many

and made some worthwhile friendships,but these attainments were far fromconstituting a dedication of life. This gravesubject caused me sleeplessness and muchexercise of conscience. But this convictiondid not last long, for the lure of worldlyliving soon dulled my sensitivity, and so Isurrendered to so-called reality, countingdedication of life a form of mysticism,

unattainable without long strivings and

that only after reaching a certain age.

Days came and went, and momentousevents occurred. My conversion toChristianity ceased being a secret andbecame common knowledge. Commentsabout me increased, and I was made thebutt of the ugliest accusations. I enduredthis harsh treatment with a love that bearsand endures all things patiently. I had beenwounded in the house of my friends,deprived of my mother's affection,frowned upon by my brethren and shunnedby my fellow countrymen. The resentmentof my father's sons and mother's daughtersonly served to increase my resolution tostand firm in what I believed to be right.As a result of the slander aimed at me, Ibecame more determined in my strugglefor the sake of truth which I believed andupheld.

During that period, a group of religious

men volunteered to reclaim me by meansof debate. So I listened, bearing the stingof their criticisms with love and patience,replying to each question plainly andsimply, repaying harshness withgentleness and in-gratitude with thanks,according to the words of the ApostlePeter: "Be tender-hearted, be courteous;not returning evil for evil or reviling forreviling, but on the contrary blessing,knowing that you were called to this, thatyou may inherit a blessing" (1 Peter 3:8,9).

The Lord was with me and His Spiritguided me, putting the right words in mymouth -- words seasoned with the salt ofthe Holy Bible which gives grace to allwho hear. My answers were based uponwhat I had learned from the HolyScriptures about the love of God for theworld -- that love which provided a





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mediation between God and man through

redemption by the Incarnate Word,secured since the foundation of the earth. Iended my words by saying, "This is theprinciple I have embraced, and I amunable to recant because it has illuminatedmy life and given me rest from mylabours." The grace of God was workingduring that debate, dismissing anger andending the session in peace.

Before long, another kind of approach wasdirected towards me by a group ofeducated young men. Their method was tohint at the sympathy of the mandategovernment for my former sect. Theyclaimed that a special program was set upwith the sons of prominent families inview. If I would recant, I would be assureda speedy promotion in the army. One ofthem, a friend of mine, whispered in myear: "My brother, stick to your beliefs butpretend to renounce your faith. Theimportant thing is to redeem your family

name which is now beset by gossip andslander."

"My dear friend," I protested, "you areasking me to be something most hateful tome -- a hypocrite. You also want me tocommit a most heinous sin. Have you notheard the word of Christ: `But whoeverdenies Me before men, him I will alsodeny before My Father who is in heaven'"(Matthew 10:33)?

After a brief moment of silence, I resumedspeaking: "You say the government of themandate is sympathetic to a certain sectand that I can obtain rapid promotion if Icomply with your wishes. But have youconsidered Christ's question: "For what isa man profited if he gains the whole world,and loses his own soul? Or what will aman give in exchange for his soul'"

(Matthew 16:26)?

Even in my Christian circle, the Temptertried to push me in a different direction, aroad planted with wily traps aimed at myfall. This happened during an interview Ihad with Bishop K. who loved me dearlyand showed a readiness to exercise hiswide influence at the Army ChiefCommand to secure fast promotions forme. The condition was that I should joinhis denomination. He embellished thematter by adding, "I offer you not onlymaterial favours but also a spiritualblessing by rescuing you from the error ofthe Protestants."

"My dear sir," I said in a tone ofexasperation, "what you are offering me isindeed attractive, but it was the Protestantswho introduced me to Christ the Saviour.If your Christ is better, I am willing tofollow Him even without promotion."

2.7. The Message of the Cross

"Then He said to them all, If anyone desiresto come after Me, let him deny himself, andtake up his cross daily, and follow Me." (Luke9:23)

Rev. Dr. Assaf Bishara arrived in Homsfor a series of revival meetings. He beganwith a message on the role of the cross inthe life of the Christian, selecting thewords of the great servant of Christ, the

Apostle Paul: "I have been crucified withChrist; it is no longer I who live, but Christlives in me; and the life which I now livein the flesh I live by faith in the Son ofGod, who loved me and gave Himself forme" (Galatians 2:20).

This sermon aroused my conscience anew,for in the depths of my being I longed to





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have an experience of the cross; then I

could crucify my baser passions that leantoward evil and live instead for Christ theLord -- a life of surrender, according toHis righteous, good and perfect will. Butno sooner did I try by my own efforts thanI failed. The environment of the barracksdid not assist me in this endeavour.

I decided to involve myself with Christianswhom I felt possessed a high degree ofspirituality. I thought that by minglingwith them I would receive the desired lift.But alas, it turned out to be a search for theliving among the dead. A certainheadmaster and famous man of lettersthere insisted on celebrating our friendshipwith a glass of arak, an oriental drink likevodka. This disappointed me deeply, for Ihad thought him to be the "good salt" thatwould have seasoned the Bread of Life inme.

As World War II raged on, I was

transferred to Company 191 of the infantrystationed in Latakia. This company wasdue to go to the front as soon as it wastrained in the use of modern weaponry.However, this plan did not materialise,owing to the collapse of French resistanceunder pressure of Hitler's armies in 1940.

When the Vichy government wasestablished, our detachment was disbandedand divided into regiments. As a result ofthis split, I was placed in the fifth

regiment. In the summer of 1941, therewere some skirmishes between the Vichyforces and the Allies on the bordersbetween Palestine and Iraq. Our regimentwas sent to south-west Syria to stop theBritish and Gaulists in Palestine fromadvancing into Syria and Lebanon. Thefighting did not last long, however, owingto the combatants having started peace

negotiations. There was a cease-fire, and

we received orders from the highcommand to regroup and return topositions held before the break ofhostilities. But the Allied Forces insistedon considering us prisoners of war.Accordingly, we were led to detentioncentres set up sporadically. Thus, it fell tomy lot to experience captivity behindbarbed wire. I was not released until I hadregistered as a volunteer in the Free FrenchForces, moving to the seventh brigade

which was stationed on theSyrian-Lebanese coast, defending theshores.

During the period of my captivity, thesubject of the surrendered life began toengage my mind afresh, and with it came astrong sense of conviction. I decided toleave the army as soon as the war ended,in order to dedicate my whole life to mybeloved Redeemer. But, as I was promotedto the rank of second lieutenant, I felt that

the world lay at my feet. The pleasures andjoys of life seemed to beckon me, as isoften the case at the end of a war whenmost people give full rein to their instinctsand invent countless ways of amusingthemselves. I too went overboard, joiningthe circle of the upper classes. It was therethat I lapsed into a spiritual hibernationuntil I was awakened by the voice of Godwhich said, "Awake, you who sleep, arisefrom the dead, and Christ will give you

light" (Ephesians 5:14).

2.8. Decision to Leave

"And we know that all things work togetherfor good to those who love God, to those whoare the called according to His purpose."(Romans 8:28)

When it was decided in 1945 that the





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French should leave Syria and Lebanon,

everything was ready for my family andme to leave for Europe. However, the Lordwho had chosen me and brought me intoHis fold, protecting me through all thedangers and conflicts, did not allow this.His wondrous wisdom was at work inevery way to release me from the grip ofthe world, so that I could enjoy truefreedom as His child. It was meant for meto live the consecrated life for which Iyearned since I had been illumined.

The years that I had spent in militaryservice under the free French flag entitledme to French citizenship. While waitingfor the legal formalities, an order wasissued to transfer me to the French armystationed in Germany. This was a mostattractive opportunity. Continuing myservice in the large French army wasbound to give me promotionalopportunities; thus, I would attain a highrank in the military. This in turn would

result in an attractive retirement incomeafter another ten years. But God says in theScriptures: "For as the heavens are higherthan the earth, so are My ways higher thanyour ways, and My thoughts than yourthoughts" (Isaiah 55:9).

In order to show the wealth of His patiencetoward this weak vessel which He hadforeordained to honour His name, Godintervened at the last minute by placingsome obstacles in the way of my going toEurope. A new order was issued to sendme to a colonial army stationed in centralAfrica. After two years, I would beallowed to rejoin my family in Marseilles.This sudden change made my wife fearful,and she refused to part from me -- a matterwhich obliged me to resign from theFrench Army. My resignation wasaccepted after a few days, and orders were

issued for my discharge. In keeping with

the rules in such cases, I was given acompensation for my services under theflag.

After my discharge in 1946, I took upresidence in Tripoli. During those firstdays after my return to civilian life, itseemed to me that I lived in a world whoseassumptions and mode of life werealtogether strange. Even so, I had toconform to those among whom I wasliving and had to work at something tosupport my wife and children.

Some associates advised me to go intobusiness, and when I expressed myaversion to this type of work, they tried tomake it appear more attractive by tellingme of those who were supposed to havemade a fortune in a few years. Theirreasoning was so powerful that I was soonpersuaded to enter the world of trade. Ieventually rented a shop in the centre of

town and filled its shelves with noveltygoods.

In the course of my new work, I was ableto study people and observe that theyviolated the law of love in much of theirdealings. I was deeply disturbed anddisgusted by what I saw of man's moralcorruption and his tendency to commitdebasing and soul-destroying evils for thesake of material gain.

In this atmosphere, infected withdegradation, it was as if I were teetering atthe edge of a pit; and more than once myfoot slipped, nearly landing me in thedepths of destruction. I had the will to seekthe face of God in sincerity, so I cried toHim, pleading earnestly for His helpinghand. But there was also another force atwork trying to oppose my efforts: Satan,





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the accursed deceiver, who tried

everything to thwart my desire for God.This subtle schemer found an opportunityto enslave me with the guiles that aboundin this type of business. He even arousedsome of my previous inclinations tocertain sins that I practised during myperiod of ignorance. We had a bitter fight-- a conflict between the Spirit whichdenies his thoughts, longing for self-denialand the flesh which formerly obeyed itsown desires and lusted against the Spirit.

The Tempter was an expert in hisapproach. He displayed before me thepleasures which the world affords -- thosewhich my new business made easier toacquire. Also, whenever he sensed anyresistance from me, he tried to quell it withdoubt as to whether a particular pleasurewas really a sin. He whispered in my earthe subtle words with which he deceivedour first parents: "Has God indeed said?"(Genesis 3:1). It was as if he were

challenging me, asking, "Did God in factsay that you should not amuse yourselfand pander some pleasures to your bodyafter a hard day's work?" The wilyTempter nearly succeeded in his tricks butfor the intervention of the blessed HolySpirit who reminded me of the apostoliccommand that says: "Do not love theworld or the things in the world. If anyoneloves the world, the love of the Father isnot in him. For all that is in the world --

the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes,and the pride of life -- is not of the Fatherbut is of the world. And the world ispassing away, and the lust of it; but hewho does the will of God abides forever"(1 John 2:15-17).

The Holy Spirit of God continued Hiswork in my conscience, convicting me inmatters regarding righteousness, sin and

judgement. He reminded me of all that

Jesus had taught about holiness, withoutwhich no man shall see the Lord. But assoon as the Tempter felt a rebuff, he wouldadopt a new strategy in an attempt to weardown my vigilance. This he did byintroducing doubts of another kind;namely, uncertainty concerning the mercyof God. He would begin his subtleties byrecalling my sins of ignorance in theugliest settings. That which may have beena childish lapse was portrayed before me

as a deep gulf separating me from God --one which was impossible to bridge.

These forces buffeted me as I lay in bedone morning. I was distressed, and mysenses were in great turmoil. I was like aship whose captain had strayed during afierce storm. However, the love of Godopened my eyes, so that I could see thewonders of His law. Before daybreak, theSpirit reminded me of the Word of God:"`Come now, and let us reason together,'

says the Lord, `though your sins are likescarlet, they shall be as white as snow;though they are red like crimson, theyshall be as wool'" (Isaiah 1:18).

Then I remembered the golden text whichhad illuminated my mind and led me to theknowledge of His love demonstrated at thecross: "For God so loved the world that Hegave His only begotten Son, that whoeverbelieves in Him should not perish but haveeverlasting life" (John 3:16).

I dropped to my knees, reviewing the past,and found among my sins some that I stillcherished -- those which had taken root byforce of habit. So I took a pencil andstarted recording them on a sheet of paper-- an act prompted, no doubt, by the Spiritof God. The Lord then guided me tomount against each one in a campaign of





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prayer. He was pleased to hear my

supplication and granted me victory.Crossing each one out with red ink, I knewbefore one week had passed that the bloodof Jesus had cleansed me from all sin.

2.9. Experiences

"How much more shall the blood of Christ,who through the eternal Spirit offeredHimself without spot to God, purge yourconscience from dead works to serve theliving God!" (Hebrews 9:14)

After that memorable night when mystriving with God resulted in turning overa page polluted with sin and starting with aclean slate by the grace of Him who lovedme and cleansed me, I had a series ofspiritual experiences near the feet of myglorious Saviour. I feel it my duty to relatesome of these as a testimony to theoperation of the wonderful grace of God.

I only hope that no one will think I amboasting when I mention my experiences,for, like the gentle Apostle Paul, I havelearned not to glory "except in the cross ofmy Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the worldhas been crucified to me, and I to theworld" (Galatians 6:14). My purpose inrecounting them is to demonstrate God'ssaving power and the working of His lovein directing the lives of those who belongto Him. It is also to show His care forthem in the hour of temptation and His

preserving their souls from the grip ofdespair when, in His wisdom, He allowsthem to go through crucibles of testing andsieves of trial in order to test their faith. Italso shows how He permits them to fallinto shadowy depths of doubt without Hisspeedy intervention, so that they imagineat times that He has deserted them.

2.9.1. In the Shadow of the CrossAt the dawn of my conversion, I was veryenthusiastic for the cause of the cross andproud of the grace given me. However, atsome point a group of brethren plottedagainst me and started opposing mewithout reason. They questioned thegenuineness of my brotherly affectiontowards them. It grieved me that Christianbrethren should disapprove of me when Iloved them dearly in Christ.

It was not long before the opposition fromthese brethren turned into a form ofpersecution. My patience was strained andmy composure, gone. I found the words ofJesus in Mark 10:29,30: "Assuredly, I sayto you, there is no one who has left houseor brothers or sisters or father or mother orwife or children or lands, for My sake andthe Gospel's, who shall not receive ahundredfold now in this time -- houses andbrothers and sisters and mothers andchildren and lands, with persecutions --and in the age to come, eternal life."

I pointed to the words "with persecutions"in dismay and asked the Lord if He wasfulfilling the promise through this group ofbrethren. The Holy Spirit, the Comforter,did not leave me in uncertainty but quicklywhispered in my ear another of the Lord'ssayings: "It is enough for a disciple that hebe like his teacher, and a servant like his

master. If they have called the master ofthe house Beelzebub, how much more willthey call those of his household!"(Matthew 10:25). This verse worked onmy soul, convicting me regarding thesequestions. I promptly cast my sorrowsbefore my Redeemer and Saviour in aspirit of brokenness. With tears andfasting, I unburdened my inner hurts and





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He heard my cries.

2.9.2. In the Shadow of the Cross ...Again

In the summer of 1954, my brethrenresumed their harassment, and once again Igrew bitter. I started questioning what itwas that annoyed them, to the point ofintrospection. But this examination did notcondemn me. I was sincere in my dealingswith everyone, particularly in safeguarding

the trust given to me. Although I spared noeffort in gaining their confidence, myapproaches were not reciprocated. It wasnecessary for me to cast the problembefore the Lord. One midsummer's night, Icried out to the Lord of Hosts to save thesituation. I was on my knees untilovercome by drowsiness. In a deep sleep, Iawoke suddenly to a resonant voice whichsaid, "Arise, and read Psalm 84."

Being alone in the house, I understood this

voice to be that of the Lord. I rose frommy bed, picked up my Bible and knelt toread Psalm 84. As I read, I meditated oneach phrase, digesting its meanings, so thatGod's message could be conveyed to me. Ireached verses five and six and found thefollowing: "Blessed is the man whosestrength is in You, whose heart is set onpilgrimage. As they pass through theValley of Baca, they make it a spring; therain also covers it with pools."

My understanding was illuminated to seethe wisdom of God in the cross of Hisbeloved Son. At that moment, I learnedthat it is necessary for all who desire tofollow in the footsteps of their Redeemerto go through a "valley of tears"; they willshare the anguish of the "Man of sorrows,acquainted with grief" -- not as a duty butout of love for Him who laid down His life

for His friends. Only then can the apostolic

word apply to them: "My brethren, count itall joy when you fall into various trials,knowing that the testing of your faithproduces patience. But let patience have itsperfect work, that you may be perfect andcomplete, lacking nothing" (James 1:2-4).

This message burned in my soul withmiraculous power, giving love the victory-- the love that "covers a multitude ofsins". The Lord gave me fresh grace tobear the burdens of ridicule from friends,and so to go the second mile.

2.9.3. The Yoke of Christ

During my business career, a gentlemanvisited me to receive payment on behalf ofa Beirut merchant with whom we dealt. Itso happened that among the funds I had onhand was a sum of one hundred Syrianpounds. As the difference between theSyrian and Lebanese currencies was nine

percent, I said to Mr. M. M., "Please givemy colleague my greetings and tell him toadd nine pounds to my current account."Now, although my request was reasonableand practised in business circles, thismatter infuriated Mr. M. M. who shoutedin my face: "Oh, you do not know me! Ican crush the biggest head under my feet!"

His language was of the kind that cannotbe repeated, and his threatening toneconveyed more than mere anger. But by

the grace of Christ, I was able to repay hisrudeness with kindness. This grace alsoembraced my young son who restrainedhimself in the face of this unwarrantedinsult. With the help of another youngman, he was able to courteously removethis man from the shop.

I was deeply affected by the conduct of





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this man whom I had never wronged. It

occurred to me to exercise my rights andretaliate. However, the love which "bearsall things" for the sake of Christ's honourquickly changed my mind about takingany action against the offender.

While I was telling my son about myintention to forgive in accordance with theLord's command, "Do not resist an evilperson" (Matthew 5:39), Mr. M. M. cameback, looking quite dejected. Before hecrossed the threshold of the store, heshouted, "Sir, I beg you in the name ofChrist to forgive me."

"I have not waited until now to forgiveyou, my brother," I said smiling. "Iforgave you from the first moment."

"Pardon me, pardon me," he repeated in apleading voice, as though he wereashamed of his behaviour to the point ofhumiliation. I did not allow him tocontinue with his appeals, but got up andembraced him eagerly, sitting him down ina chair. Then I told my son, "Go to thenearby cafe and fetch this gentleman a cupof coffee." When Mr. M. M. had finishedthe coffee and calmed down, I said to him,"Mr. M. M., may God forgive you."

The day after this incident, I was teachinga lesson in translation to the baccalaureateclass at Mar Elias Secondary School whereI worked. Suddenly, a student stood up to

speak: "Sir, I witnessed what happened toyou yesterday at the marketplace and wasgreatly affected. Please allow me to saythat it was not an incident but a tragedy. Inmy opinion, a person has to be a coward tosuffer such a humiliation."

In the face of such a challenge, I stoppedthe lesson and used the occasion to tell thestudents the "Golden Rule" which Christ

established for Christians

"You have heard that it was said, `An eye foran eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell younot to resist an evil person. But whoever slapsyou on your right cheek, turn the other tohim also. If anyone wants to sue you and takeaway your tunic, let him have your cloak also.And whoever compels you to go one mile, gowith him two. Give to him who asks you andfrom him who wants to borrow from you donot turn away (Matthew 5:38-41)."

Before starting to comment on the subject,

I told the student: "My friend, I am not acoward. I hold the honour of the MilitaryCross with distinction, and this medal isnot given to soldiers except for deeds ofheroism." After a moment's silence, Icontinued, "Bearing the abuse of othersand refraining from acting like them isindeed a form of bravery."

After this introduction, I began my lectureto the class, taking my text from the wordsof the Apostle Paul: "Therefore if yourenemy hungers, feed him; if he thirsts,give him a drink; for in so doing you willheap coals of fire on his head" (Romans12:20).

I explained to the class that, had I got intoa shouting match with Mr. M. M., it mostlikely would have led to physical violence,and this would have brought me down tohis level. As a Christian, I refused to act insuch a manner. It pleased me more to

dispel pride in others with the power ofChrist's meekness. My appearing to be acoward was superseded when loveconquered, turning evil to good andleading Mr. M. M. to apologise. And asthe Good Teacher was exalted in theincident with Mr. M. M., so He was alsomagnified among the students. Asurrendered life -- one which welcomes





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Christ and bears His yoke -- was on view

before them, operating through the graceof God.

2.9.4. More Opposition

It was spring 1955, and the enemy of soulswas still active in his attempts to divide thebeloved brethren and me. Unfortunately,he succeeded in one instance when thepastor with whom I had laboured withoutpay lent his ear to the false rumours which

my brethren were spreading about me. Asa result, he developed a negative attitudetowards me. Although I remember thesethings, I will refrain from giving details, inkeeping with the love that keeps no recordof wrongs, seeks not its own and rejoicesnot in evil.

This incident was unfortunate. It was onereason behind my leaving that circle ofbrethren. It was a departure that filled myheart with grief and bitter regret. Before

leaving this group which I had cherished, Ispent one full week in prayer, fasting andmeditation. I asked my God, whom Iworship in spirit, to indicate the directionHe wanted me to take. I asked Himearnestly to give me a definite messagefrom His precious Book. He answered myplea and gave me relief from my distress.After seven days, I closed my eyes andopened the Bible randomly to Jeremiah 40.When I looked at the page open before me,

I read how the general ofNebuchadnezzar's army told this prophet:"And now look, I free you this day fromthe chains that were on your hand. If itseems good to you to come with me toBabylon, come, and I will look after you.But if it seems wrong for you to come withme to Babylon, remain here. See, all theland is before you; wherever it seems good

and convenient for you to go, go there"

(Jeremiah 40:4).

The message was very clear to me, and Iwent to the Presbyterian church in Tripoliwhere I had been accepted for the firsttime as a member of the Body of Christ.The members welcomed me as a belovedson whose name was still written on theirhearts. The expression of approval by thebrethren over my return was so great thatthey chose me as an elder, and theyappointed me to the board of the church.Later, I was separated for the service of theGospel as an itinerant preacher in theAkkar, Koura and Munsef districts.

None but those who have tasted thesweetness of the salvation of God and havebeen dedicated to His service canunderstand the joy which flooded my soulas I set out for the town of Hakoura toconduct the preaching service. The wordsof the Lord my Saviour came to my mind

at that moment: "See, I have set before youan open door, and no one can shut it; foryou have a little strength, have kept Myword, and have not denied My name"(Revelation 3:8).

2.9.5. An Unsuccessful Merchant

I was not successful in my business. Fromthe start, I incurred huge losses. Onereason behind these circumstances was thedishonesty of some people with whom I

had dealings; the commodities I handledwere controlled by shrewd suppliers whohad no scruples concerning the methodsthey employed to promote their owninterests. The other was the sudden drop inprices in the first two years after the end ofthe war and their subsequent steep risewithin a short period, owing to the start ofthe Korean War. This was followed by





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another drop soon after. These combined

factors prevented my goods from moving,and with time their value dropped. Thisresulted in the loss of my capital.Consequently, I was unable to continue inbusiness.

After ten years of hard work, I foundmyself in a very critical situation. Theshop was full of goods, but against themwere many invoices due for payment. Iwas faced with the spectre of seriousbankruptcy which threatened myreputation. Some colleagues suggested thatI should declare my bankruptcy afterhiding away the best part of my stock,adding: "All who are in your position dothat and settle with their creditors bypaying fifteen to twenty percent. In thisway, you can save your capital."

"No thank you," I told my advisors, "I ama follower of Jesus Christ and as such Ibehave in accordance with His will which

commands me to be faithful until death, soas to receive the crown of life (Revelation2:10)."

For several months, I remained in a stateof confusion, trying to continue inbusiness. Suddenly, a young man offeredto purchase the business with all its stock.I did not hesitate, for I found that a salewould solve my serious predicament. As aresult of the transaction, I netted a sum thatexceeded my debts by a few hundred

pounds.

For my wife and daughter, this outcomewas a hard shock, but for my son and me,it was like a welcome detour around animpassable roadblock. Before handingover the business to the new owner, I wentalone to the rear of the store and offered aprayer of thanks to God. His love willed

that I should have a taste of the rod of

chastening, learning thereby to considermy monetary loss a blessing and to esteemmy damaged pride as necessary foracquiring humility.

After the sale of the business, I left forhome. My wife and daughter met me withtears in their eyes. I smiled and said: "Donot fear nor trouble your hearts, for webelieve in God who said, `I will neverleave you nor forsake you.' Let us look toGod and expect His compassion." Afterpausing a moment, I directed my words tomy eldest son: "Fetch the hymn books. Weneed to rejoice with songs to the God ofour salvation, because until now He hashelped us and has not held back Hiscompassion toward us, or despised ourpetition, or allowed us to slip."

In our family, the hymn books helped usdraw closer to God. We had in our soulssomething of the psalmist's emotion which

he expressed in these words: "...It is goodfor me to draw near to God; I have put mytrust in the Lord God, that I may declareall Your works" (Psalm 73:28).

No sooner had each one taken a book thana calm descended upon everyone. After aperiod of quiet meditation, when heartsturned towards their Redeemer, Lord andShepherd, we started to sing the hymnwhich begins thus: "Soldiers of God, who

joined the Lord's army, praise Him for a

lasting victory, thanking our conqueringKing." Our voices ascended, but with anote of sadness. When we came to thechorus which says, "Finished is salvation'swork, alleluia, sing to our Lord Jesus," aburst of joy was evident in all our voices,the source of which was the consolationfrom our Lord, poured out in our hearts bythe Holy Spirit. Our eyes glistened as we





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Then they shall eat the flesh on that night;

roasted in fire, with unleavened bread and withbitter herbs they shall eat it. Do not eat it raw,nor boiled at all with water, but roasted in fire --its head with its legs and its entrails. You shalllet none of it remain until morning, and whatremains of it until morning you shall burn withfire. And thus you shall eat it; with a belt onyour waist, your sandals on your feet, and yourstaff in your hand. So you shall eat it in haste. Itis the Lord's Passover. For I will pass throughthe land of Egypt on that night, and will strikeall the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both manand beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I

will execute judgement: I am the Lord" (Exodus12:5-13).

After reading the text, we fell on our kneesasking our God, the keeper of the souls ofHis saints, to sprinkle the lintel andsideposts of our door with Jesus' blood,our Passover Lamb who was slain for us (1Corinthians 5:7). God answered the prayerof faith and drove away the danger thatnight and the following nights.

Before long, conditions worsened and thedanger increased. We were withoutelectricity and water, and going to town tobuy food meant possible death by a bullet.We did not have the means to go to themountains as others had done. So Iimplored God to open the way for us toleave town for a remote place where Icould be given an opportunity to serveHim. He answered my prayer and gave methe desire of my heart. Slipping away fromour quarter the next day, I made my way toBeirut. There, I met Mrs. Alice Khoury,the wife of a church pastor. She loved ourfamily as a mother loves her children.

Mrs. Khoury summoned the ministers intown to a meeting in the home of Dr. FaridAudeh. Driven by the love of Christ, thisgroup acted to help me. They appointedme as preacher in the Mrouj church in the

High Metn, a district outside of Beirut.

How glad I was to spend three months inthe service of my Redeemer, far from anydanger! How truly good the Lord was tome, granting my request for service and asafe haven! Thus, the divine words werefulfilled to me: "It shall come to pass thatbefore they call, I will answer; and whilethey are still speaking, I will hear" (Isaiah65:24).

I had to pass through Riyad al-Solh Squarein order to fetch my family from Tripoli.Strangely enough, I was not hurt despitethe gunfire that filled the square. Still morepeculiar was what my wife encounteredfour months later, after returning to Tripolifor our belongings. When she arrived, shefound the lock smashed and the door open.However, our things had not been touched.I am sure that the protection of our livesand belongings was due to the blood ofChrist guarding us from the destroyer.

In the town of Mrouj, I enjoyed theblessings of ministry. A large number ofevangelical Christians, who had fled to theHigh Metn, attended church every Sunday.This gladdened my heart and revived myspirit. In this atmosphere, I saw thewisdom in the advice of Rev. Dagher whowas the secretary of the EvangelicalSynod. He had counselled me to leaveteaching and devote my time to servingChrist in the church. I began thinkingseriously about this and praying for God'sguidance; it soon came in the call ofserving the Gospel. Thus, I joined theranks of God's servants. When the synodsecretary visited, I informed him of mydecision. He was pleased and made arecommendation to the Religious ServiceCommittee to appoint me. The committeemet and decided to elect me as preacherand evangelist in the Marj Ayoun parish,





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beginning September 1, 1958.

2.10. Practical Ministry

"You did not choose Me, but I chose you andappointed you that you should go and bearfruit, and that your fruit should remain, thatwhatever you ask the Father in My name Hemay give you." (John 15:16)

In the course of my service in Marj Ayoun,I was given special grace in practicalministry. There was a reading room in

Nabatiya, for which I was administrator.The contacts I had with the school teachersand students who frequented it wereinvaluable, because I was able to formsolid bonds with them. In turn, theserelationships opened the way to serve theGospel in educational circles. Moreover, itwas not long before I had gained theconfidence of these students who oftensought my advice regarding their personalproblems. How happy I was to be given

the wisdom to help them in this way! Ialso had the opportunity to spread theWord of God in the school attached to theNational Evangelical Synod. Among myduties was providing religious instructionto all classes and a weekly sermon to thecombined student body and teaching staff.

At the church, I collaborated with Rev.Wadee Antoun, the parish pastor. Withmuch satisfaction, I remember thoseblessings which God allowed us to enjoy

as we shared the Gospel of salvation in theparish churches. Thus, the five years spentin Nabatiya were a period of study andpreparation for a wider ministry. Duringthis time, I passed the examination in Artsand Divinity and earned the officialpreaching license from the NationalEvangelical Synod. At the end of this time,I was elected pastor of the Port Church and

Evangelical Hospital. My experiences at

the Port Church proved a great blessing,whether in church services, in sharing theWord of God with the patients at thehospital, in teaching the Bible at thenursing school attached to the hospital, orin leading a Bible study on the book ofEphesians at a ladies meeting in Tripoli.

The period of service in Tripoli did not lastlong. After one year, it was decided toclose the hospital, owing to losses incurredduring the previous five years; and sinceall members of the Port Church wereemployees in the hospital, it was naturalthat the church should also be closed.When this happened, I found myselfunemployed. At the same time, my eldestson, who bore most of the financialburdens for the family, left his work inSaudi Arabia to study engineering in theUnited States. The combination of thesecircumstances placed us in dire need, so Iasked some friends to recommend me to

the Carmel Mission for work as apreacher. God in His wisdom planned forme to work for one year in the ChristianPublications Centre of the mission. Here Ihad the opportunity to translate, write andedit a large number of Christian books andto supervise their printing.

At the end of that year, Rev. Abd al-Masihvisited me and presented me with thefollowing proposal: "Rev. Dr. Farid Audehhas asked us to find a pastor for thechurches of Dbayeh, Hadath and Rabiya,and after some consideration, we haveselected you. Would you think of returningto a pastoral ministry with us?"

After a moment's silence, he added: "Oneof the aims of our mission is to providepastors for local churches that arefinancially unable to support one. We do





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When I had returned to my house in Homs,

I brought my brother, Hassan, with me. Helived with us for a while in an atmosphereof love which Christ had made possible.

Seventeen years passed, and Hassan hadbecome an educated man with a wife andchildren. During this time, he neglected hisrelationship with me, and I rebuked him.This caused him to reflect on the days hehad spent in my home -- the time when hehad been stirred so positively. He sent methe following brief letter:

August 8, 1952

My dear Taufiq,

My mother told me of your annoyance,and you have every right to be angry.Nevertheless, the genuineness of my loveand friendship towards you is still strongand can never be changed. No doubt youunderstand this.

When I remember you, my imaginationpaints a perfect picture of a true brother.You embody the hallmark of good taste,compassion and loyalty, and your attitudeshave never worn thin. You have left amark on my soul, the traces of whichcannot be erased by time. My memories ofyour character have helped to form mypersonality. I have found in you a model toemulate. And so your annoyance with meis only a summer's cloud under which Iseek shelter without fear. You certainly

have the right to rebuke and blame me. Ihave the right to ask you for pardon. Wheneach has received his right, no anger ordisapproval remains.

Sincerely, Hassan

# # #

It appeared that my delay in replying made

dear Hassan think that his letter did not

reach me, so he sent a second one, asfollows:

September 7, 1952

Dear brother,

Sincere greetings to one whose vitality ishis serenity, love and honesty. I begforgiveness from a brother with such agenerous spirit.

Your rebuke reached me some months

ago, and I am now writing the secondresponse. I hope you receive it. Love ispotent, be it visible or invisible, near orfar, and we have received the best portionof it. I beg you not to blame me or think ofme as ungrateful. Since my youth, youhave been my teacher with an outstretchedhand of love. I have witnessed andsavoured the values that I saw in you, andI confess my shortcomings toward you inevery way. I am incapable of emulating or

following you, because I am weak, lackingthe ability to model myself according toyour example. But despite this, I still loveyou with a love, pure and true, nurtured inmy heart since I have been a boy. I cannotbe overgenerous with this love which willend only at death.

Sincerely, Hassan

# # #

I read both of the letters and ponderedevery word. The adulation for virtues notinnately in me was hard to accept. Thesequalities were of my Lord and Saviour'smaking; He rescued me from the deceptionof this evil world. Life was manifested tome, and to be faithful, I had tell of theLord of Life who willed to give me a newbirth by the word of truth (James 1:18). Soin keeping with my love for my Redeemer





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and Saviour, I wrote to my brother,

drawing his attention to God, the Source ofthe virtues which he admired in me, for"God is love, and he who abides in loveabides in God, and God in him" (1 John4:16):

September 20, 1952

My beloved brother, Hassan,

No, I am not angry with you. My chidingyou was one of the sparks of love, the fire

of which is quenched in the sea offorgetfulness.

Indeed, I live happily in my small worldwith a faithful wife and children whom Inurture in the fear and exhortation of theLord. But the grace in which I stand hasnot erased the pictures of my larger worldfrom memory -- the world from which Iwas removed before reaching the age ofdiscretion.

I lived in that world in the shadows of dry,rigid, inflated traditions, having no trace ofsacrifice which is the essence of love.Visualise with me the plight of a familyliving according to faulty customs void ofspirit -- those which created deviantemotional complications at home. Thesedifficulties affected us negatively aschildren, for they stamped our emotionswith an instability that reflected the violentoutbursts of our four mothers and thenegligence of our father! These factors

assaulted my innermost being, and Isuffered their consequences for awhile,which left me drinking the drafts of a bitterlife in various forms. I was a discouragedperson with damaged feelings.

The attitudes of my parents swirled like atide around me -- sometimes high,sometimes low. The random eruptions

from both my mother and father, disguised

as concern for my future, buried me underthe debris of their emotional warfare.

When I passed from boyhood toadolescence, I viewed life with pessimismand despaired of ever making somethingof myself. But God's care did not desertme; I had a splinter of faith and confidencein His mercy.

I desired to live in love and harmony withmy brothers and sisters. Regrettably, my

wish was frustrated by the reality of anenvironment charged with malice, hate,envy and strife. Being a rebel, I refused tosurrender to the bitter reality. I often triedto draw closer to my father's other sonsand daughters, but I collided with a highwall of scheming on the part of his otherwives -- a barricade which blocked all myattempts. This filled me with grief andunleashed my tears.

As a rebel, I also deserted father, mother,brothers and sisters, seeking love in God'swide world. Divine providence led me toChrist's Church, and it was there that I firstexperienced genuine love. Thanks be toGod who did not leave me to beat the airwith my emotions but guided me into thefold of the chosen and beloved, thosewhom Jesus clothes with "tender mercies,kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness,and long-suffering" (Colossians 3:12).

And now, I thank you for the expressionsof love which overflowed from your heart.You conveyed your feelings in awonderful way, but your superlative praiseis something I find hard to accept. Imagnify the Lord who willed to havemercy on me, granting me a new birth bythe infilling of His Holy Spirit.

Brother, I possess no righteousness in





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myself. The law of honesty demands that I

confess to you that there is nothing good inme. It is God Almighty who illuminatedmy soul one day with His piercing light.He enabled me to see the wretchedness ofmy condition.

I knew I was full of things that offendedGod. I felt a need for cleansing from thefilth of sin, so that I could be born anew. Ineeded to be saved from my inbredselfishness that relished hatred, pride andinjustice.

To my joy, the Lord set me in the way ofthe Gospel of His love. More precisely, Heplaced the Gospel in my hands. I learnedabout His love from the person of Christwhom He offered, according to the divinetruth: "For God so loved the world that Hegave His only begotten Son, that whoeverbelieves in Him should not perish but haveeverlasting life" (John 3:16). I understoodthis lesson practically from the words of

Jesus: "Greater love has no one than this,than to lay down one's life for his friends"(John 15:13).

I was drawn by the power of love. Soon,the "Love Passage," written by the ApostlePaul, became my guideline on everyoccasion, and I repeated its marvellouscadences with a delight not of this world:"Love suffers long and is kind; love doesnot envy; love does not parade itself, is notpuffed up; does not behave rudely, does

not seek its own, is not provoked, thinksno evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, butrejoices in the truth; bears all things,believes all things, hopes all things,endures all things. Love never fails" (1Corinthians 13:4-8).

It was in the school of love where I learnedthat those who do not do what is right are

not of God; they who do not love have not

known God, for God is love (1 John 3:10).These are the requirements of love, andthey should be learned and practised byall. If they are, then what was written bythe prophet Isaiah will come to pass:"They shall not hurt nor destroy in all Myholy mountain, for the earth shall be full ofthe knowledge of the Lord as the waterscover the sea" (Isaiah 11:9). No, mybrother, I have not forgotten -- nor can I --for that is impossible. Even if my tongue

has grown weak in mentioning your name,you are forever in my thoughts.

There is no need to apologise, Hassan,because Christ has healed my heart ofresentment. I have no right to expect anexcuse, so do not apologise. This is a formof satisfying the ego, and people havecalled it a duty. As for my ego, it wascrucified and mortified with Christ longago. As far as I am concerned, the "duty"of forgiveness has become a response of

love.

Do not say that I live in a world ofidealism and delusion, and do not accuseme of exaggeration. Be kind andunderstand that my condition is a result ofwhat I have experienced. It is a reality inwhich I am living, and my soul is fullycontent. Many have criticised me, accusingme of folly, short-sightedness, apostasyand infidelity. This angered me in the past,but now I am thankful, because by theircriticisms and injuries they drove me tore-examine my position. God has helpedme in my endeavours, trying me, testingme and guiding me in the paths of Jesus,the Good Teacher, to learn from Him whatis true.

I am not philosophising, Hassan. I am onewho has the simple faith which is a gift of





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God to the poor in spirit and which guards

them from the evils of complicatedmatters. Open your heart to me, so that wecan continue our correspondence on thebasis of this love. Let us implore God toempty us of our selfishness and fill us withlove, for He Himself is love.

Sincerely,

Taufiq

3.2. Love in Action

"Therefore, my beloved brethren, besteadfast, immovable, always abounding inthe work of the Lord, knowing that yourlabour is not in vain in the Lord." (1Corinthians 15:58)

After mailing my letter to Hassan, I prayedto the Lord earnestly that it would bereceived well and that He Himself wouldaccompany the message

for the sake of truth - by iskander jadeed

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