for the memory of zamzam, - house of …€¦ · web viewfor the memory of zamzam, will you marry...

FOR THE MEMORY OF ZAMZAM,WILL YOU MARRY ME?

By Ninie G. Syarikin

I left Washington with my chest laden with my abundant love to you.Like a good neighbor,you came to wish us ‘Bon Voyage’and said: “Please call my name there,”to which I replied: “We will,”that couldn’t be more truthful thanmy answers to all similar requests from our other friends.

I couldn’t really express myself in words,when I saw you, two men,were shaking hands.One was who had raised and shaped me,and the other was whom I dreamtto spend the rest of my life with.

“I wish you a good and safe trip.May your hajj be accepted andthat you will enjoy your journey,”you said to my father,looking straight at his eyes more tenderly, as I somewhat knew your gentle nature would.“Terima kasih. Insya Allah, Anda juga akan segera menyusul.”“Thank you. Insha Allah,you will also follow suit soon,”my father responded,looking straight into your eyes more firmly, as I knew very wellhis solid character would,while I was standing by you both,as the interpreter.

I had almost betrayed myself,and wanted to declare:‘I love you; I have always loved you.’

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But, I got tongue-tied!How could I possibly make such a declaration in such a narrow timeand space, without shocking you?Without a preamble??And yet, hadn’t I been torn for many a nights about revealingmy long hidden affection to you:now or after hajj?

I’d been tempted to ask you:‘If I perished in the Holy Land,would you care for my children?’But, again, my tongue failed me.

“Righteousness is not turning your faces towards the East or the West. Righteous are those who believe in God, the Last Day, the Angels, the Scripture, and the Prophets; and who give their wealth cheerfully, to the relatives, the orphans, . . . . . “

“They ask you about giving; say: ‘The charity you give shall go to the parents, the relatives, the orphans, . . . . . ‘ “

“They donate their favorite food to the poor, the orphan, . . . . . “

“The rights of orphaned boys must also be protected. You shall treat the orphans equitably. Whatever good you do, God is fully aware thereof."

“Do you know who really rejects the faith? That is the one who mistreats the orphans.”

And, so, after a long contemplation,I resolved that I must come back for you all.

I was going away for a life time journey, and didn’t know

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if I would come back.Hajj is a journey of mystery;a journey to visit the House of God.Often times pilgrims return to their homeland;but sometimes, they die as ‘syuhada’in the Holy Land.

They come to Makkah as guests of Allah,and it is He alone who decides whether to keep or let them go.

If I came back, I’d declare my love to you.If I didn’t, my love would be buriedwithout your knowledge.

So, with the utterance of:“Bismillahi tawakkaltu ‘alallahi lahawla walaquwwata illa billahil ‘aliyyil ‘azim,” “In the name of Allah, I put my trust in Him,and that there is no powerexcept by His will,” I set sail.

Along the journey,there was no one momentthat I was without you.Each time I recited the talbiyah:"Labbayk Allahumma Labbayk,Labbayk la syarika laka Labbayk!”“I have come to respond toYour call, ya, Allah! Here I am!”it was as if I was responding toAllah’s call for both of us.

In my spirit,you were by my side all the time,that the sometimes difficult journeybecame tolerable because ofthe pleasant thoughts about you, and of the great anticipation to be able to pour out my heart, hope and desire to Allahwhen I kneeled under

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the shadow of the Ka’bah.“Oh, my Lord!Open to me the doors of Your Mercy.”

In the shadow of the Ka’bah,I told Allah that‘I love you; I have always loved you.’

Oh, pardon me, my Lord, my Maker!Need I tell Thee anything at all,as though Thou needed to be told.Thou art the Most Knowing of the softest vibesin the deepest depth of heart,the Most Hearing of the merest whisper,the All-Aware of the most silent and unsaid secrets.Pardon me, ya, Allah, in conversing to Thee in my human tongue,the only language I knew and learned.

My eyes were drowned in tears,my chest was shaking with sobs,and my heart was trembling hardtrying to contain my overflowing emotion.Never had I felt so earnest as thisNever had I put so much hope as thisNever had I been so desperate as this.

While gliding with all other pilgrimsmaking the tawaf and reciting the talbiyah:"Labbayk Allahumma Labbayk,Labbayk la syarika laka Labbayk!”“I have come to respond toYour call, ya, Allah! Here I am!”it was as if I was responding toAllah’s call for both of us.

In all spots at the Masjidil Haramwhere and when I happened to stop toperform my salat,I would remember you in my tranquility.I would call out your name,as you had wished,in whisper:

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“Ya, Allah!Please invite the man I loveto be Your honored guestin this Baitullah,sooner than later!”

The wailing of the Mu’azzinsummoning the pilgrims to praypenetrated my heart so deeply thatit brought tears to my eyes,and made me wish so hard thatyou had been here with meenjoying and savoringall this magnificent and majestic sight.

There was a sea of white surrounding me,a number of oceans, plus the limitless sky between you and me,and an unutterable longing for youinside me;but your presence I sensed so nearwhen in my last sujud, with full of hope and expectation,I mentioned your name dearly, very dearly,and begged Allah humbly,so humbly,to convey my love to you.

Did you feel it then?Did you feel connected to me?Did you have me in your dream?Did you see me in your vision?Did you hear me calling outyour name in the wind?Did you remember me?Did you daydream me?Did you miss me?Did you think of me?Did you look for me?Did you wait for me?Did you hope that I would come back?Did you pray for my safe return?Did you expect my arrival?

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I wonder!During my shopping rounds inMakkah and Jeddah,I vied all the possible souvenirsto bring especially for you.The colorful ‘tasbih,’the beautiful ‘sajadah,’the exotic velvet wall decorations,while bearing in my mindvery alertly and cautiouslythat there wouldn’t be enough moneyin the world to buy a gift for you;to match the height, the depth, the length,and the width of my love to you,when it naturally dawned on me,that what best gift to bring,but the water of zamzam?The substance that couldn’t be foundanywhere else on earth, but here,in this desert town?And, so, I decided to bring the zamzamfor you and my children.

However, it turned out not as easy as it sounded.The craze of the pilgrims towardsthat very waterdiscouraged me to the core.They seemed to want to monopolizewherever the source of the water exists.

In its well down the earth,in the line of faucets on every floor ofthe Masjidil Haram,or in the barrels in the center of each mosque floor.

They all looked insatiable,couldn’t get enough to satisfytheir thirst or desire.Or, might it be greed?In its mildest form?

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They were filling their numberless bottles and containers, and secured them.Then they would fill the chained cupsto the faucets,and drink from them passionatelyand pour out the zamzamon the crown of their heads,while at the same time, make their ‘wudhu’ sparinglyuntil they soaked all their garments,as if oblivious of the long linebehind them.

And, very soon, a gleam of satisfaction and relief enveloped them!Masya Allah!! May they continue to be satisfied in their life!!!

I approached one of them, and asked:“Does zamzam mean a lot to you?”to which I was replied:“Absolutely, Sister! I have taken enough even to keep it in my special storage, and have it sprinkled on my jenazahin the future.”Such powerful is the effect of zamzam!!

From day to day, I kept postponing to take the zamzam,hoping that the next daythe walls of pilgrims would be thinningso that I could take my turn to fill my bottle.But that didn’t happen,and I began to panic,as the time of our pilgrimagewas coming to an end.

Until the last day we were thereduring the ‘Asr timezamzam springs were packed with people.

My parents and Imoved from floor to floorin the hope of finding less pilgrims

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on the higher level, and yet, until we reached the last and top floor of the masjid,the scene remained very much the same.

I had become desperate and got into despair,when approaching Maghrib,the situation got even worse.The pilgrims were standingrows upon rows coveringthe line of the zamzam faucetsthat the image looked like a military barricade forming a fortress.Subhanallah! Glory be to God!

I tried to penetrate the barricade,but I seemed to be too frailto infiltrate the blockadethat I couldn’t even see the protected object:the sacred zamzam.

Lamenting my nasib and annoyedto not know who to blame,I retreated from the ‘impossible mission,’ while the wail of the Muazzin was heard high echoing the adzan:

“Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar!Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar!Asyhadu Alla ila ha illallah!Asyhadu Alla ila ha illallah!Asyhadu anna Muhammadar Rasulullah!Asyhadu anna Muhammadar Rasulullah!Hayya 'alas salah!Hayya 'alas salah!Hayya 'alal falah!Hayya 'alal falah!Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar!La ilaaha illallah.”

“God is Great, God is Great!God is Great, God is Great!There is no God, but Allah!

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There is no God, but Allah!And Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah!And Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah!Come to prayer!Come to prayer!Come to Victory!Come to Victory!God is Great, God is Great!There is no God, but Allah!” reverberating and shaking the skies of which without pillars.Allah Al-‘Azim, Allah Al-‘Ali, Allah Al-Muta’ali!The Magnificent, the Highest, the Supreme One!

“God is He Who raised the heavenswithout any pillars that you can see;is firmly established on the Throne of Authority.”

I looked up and was spellbound!The vast skies, azure, blending with the royal colors of sunset,were adorned with a large spread of birdsflapping their wingsflying to one direction,as if heading home for their nests,after a long, productive, and tiring day,while busily and noisily chirping to each other:“Let’s hurry home, so as not to miss our Maghrib.”

I was astonished.Even birds were obeying the call of prayer;and so were the rocky mountainssurrounding Makkahthat I saw remotely from my position,as if bowing to their Creatorin their dimly twilight shadows.

I quickly realized that the iqamah had taken over the adzan:

“Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar!Asyhadu Alla ila ha illallah!Asyhadu anna Muhammadar Rasulullah!

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Hayya 'alas salah!Hayya 'alal falah!Qodqomatissalah,Qodqomatissalah.Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar!La ilaaha illallah.”

“God is Great, God is Great!There is no God, but Allah!And Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah!Come to prayer!Come to Victory!The prayer has begun.The prayer has begun.God is Great, God is Great!There is no God, but Allah!” I immediately hurried to return to my spot,taking to the wall to do the tayammum,then facing the qiblah to join the prayer.

“A’udzu billaah iminasy syaitaan irrajiimBismillaah irrahmaan irrahiimAlhamdulillaah irabbil ‘aalamiinArrahmaan irrahiimMaalikiyaw middiinIyyaa kana’ buduu wa iyyaa kanasta’iinIhdinas siraat almustaqiimSiraat alladzii na an’amta’alaihimGhairil maghduu bi’alaihimWaladhdhaalliinAamiin”

“I seek refuge in Allah from the Satanwhich was accursed.In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.Praise be to God, The Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds;Most Gracious, Most Merciful;Master of the Day of Judgement.Thee do we worship, And Thine aid we seek.Show us the straight way,The way of those on whomThou hast bestowed Thy Grace,

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Those whose (portion) is not wrath, And who go not astray.Amen.”

“Bismillaah irrahmaan irrahiimQulhuwallaahu AhadAllaah ussamadLamyalid walamyuuladWalamyakullahu kufuwan Ahad”

“In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.Say: He is God, the One and Only;God, the Eternal, Absolute;He begetteth not, nor is He begotten;And there is none like unto Him.”

Then, together with other pilgrims,one in millions,as well as in probably billions andzillions of other creatures of Allahthat I might have failed to vision with my naked eyes-- seen and unseen, big and tiny, spatial and dimensionless --,the jinns, the malaikahs, the sun, the moon, the stars, the planets, the birds, the ants, the tamar trees, the hills and the mountains, I bowed.

Oh, Allah! The only Deity worthy of worship.Here, I am, with all my thoughts,bowing to Thee in obedience,Subhaanarabbiyal ‘aziim.Glory be to Allah, The Supreme.

“To Him belongs every being in the heavens and the earth; all are devoutly obedient to Him.”

Then, again, with other pilgrims,one in millions,as well as in probably billions and

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zillions of other creatures of Allahthat I might have failed to vision with my naked eyes-- seen and unseen, big and tiny, spatial and dimensionless --,the jinns, the malaikahs, the galaxies, the beasts, the volcanoes,the hurricanes, the lambs, the flowers, the tin and zaitun trees, the lakes and the oceans, I prostrated.

Oh, Allah!The only Deity worthy of worship.Here, I am, with all my body and soul,prostrating to Thee in humility,Subhaanarabbiyal ‘a’laa.Glory be to Allah, The Most High.

“Had We sent down this Qur’an on a mountain,verily, you would have seen it humble itself and cleave asunder for fear of God.Such are the similitudes which We propoundto mankind that they may reflect.”

When we completed our Maghrib prayer,I could see the sea of tranquilityembracing all pilgrims who seemedto be fixed sitting cross-leggedin their positions.Many were saying their dzikirwhile fingering their tasbihwith their eyes half-closed,their heads nodding up and downand their bodies moving following the rhythm.Subhanallah! 33xAlhamdulillah! 33xAllahu Akbar! 33xAstaghfirullah! 33xSeveral were raising their hands skywardmaking du’a;some were quietly performing their nafl;few were reciting the Qur’an,and others were simply sitting still

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enjoying the rare silenceand the glow of lights at duskbrimming generously surrounding the Al-Haramwith the tall handsome minarets protruding daringly against the dark sky,firmly and majestically,like my image and fantasy in the Arabian stories of the “One Thousand and One Nights.”

It was then that it occurred to me,that at this very hour, the water of zamzammust be deserted by the pilgrims.Almost shocked in realization, I held my breath,reached out to my two big bottles,got up and dragged myself unobtrusively,as if fearing that my fellow hujjajmight follow me behind.I, then, hurried my steps towards the faucets,and, although it perplexed me to finda few pilgrims already in there, I felt relieved, since the mission was possible.I finally merely accepted the fact thatthe zamzam water would never be deserted,just as it could never get dry in the desert, under the merciless sun.I steeled my intention to bring the waterfor you and my children,I smiled persuasively at those pilgrims,I nodded my head trying to win their sympathy I politely addressed them to give in andmake way for me:“May I take turn, Brothers?”for which they stepped aside, and pleasantly murmured: “Tafadhdhal, ya, Ukhti,”for which I wasted no time to fill my bottles,as well as treated myself to a drink or two.Then, I hurried back to my spot,gave the filled bottles to my mother to keep,and fetched two other empty bottles and went back to the faucets.

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It was as relatively easy as my first trip, Alhamdulillah! I thank to Allah!But by the time the mission accomplished,I saw waves of pilgrims starting to glidetowards me. I immediately left to avoid the encounter, and let them take their turns.

Alhamdulillah wa syukrulillah!I praise Allah, the Lord of the Universe,that I had succeeded in obtaining the zamzamin the nick of time,at the end of our ziyarah,that I now was able to bring the special waterfor my children with pride, because of my love to you,and that I was able to bring it as a souvenir from Makkah for youas a declaration of my love to you.

Alhamdulillaah irabbil ‘aalamiin!All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Universe!Hadn’t it been for my remembrance of you,I wouldn’t have gone extra milesto acquire the sacred water.Hadn’t it been for my affection to you,I wouldn’t have bothered to push myself throughto reach the zamzam.

As much as I cherished the notion ofstaying in the Holy Land,I wouldn’t want to extend my stay any longer.I felt I had experienced enoughand was content with what I perceived.Now I was anxious to go hometo my family and work, to return to my routine,as well as to my prospect of loving you.

So, with my chest laden withabundant mixture of feelings,I left Makkah with melancholy.I was so anxious awaiting the airplanetaking off Jeddah

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flying to Ammanleaving Arabiamaking a big step to Europe, taking a giant leap over the Atlantic,and landing in America.

I thanked Allah when, at last, I arrived homein the arms of my children,who only had me as their guardian.Alhamdulillah wa syukrulillah!A journey of life had beensuccessfully performed.

The next morning,without wasting time,I called to inform youof my safe return.With the joy that was hard to suppress,I announced that I’d brought the zamzam for you,and actually invited you to drop by, to have a drink or two.

Several days had passed with anxietywhen you finally came by,I was so happy to see you again.With my father’s companyin the living room,I invited you to savor the waterthat I’d brought all the way from the well in the compound of the Baitullah,while entertaining you with small stories.

I couldn’t really express myself in words,when I saw you, two men,were sitting across each other.One was who had raised and shaped me,and the other was whom I dreamtto spend the rest of my life with.

I tried to find any trace on your face,if you had felt my longing,my du’a, my prayer, my mention of youunder the shadow of the Ka’bah.However, after searching for sometime,

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sadly, I found none.You were as tranquil, as cordial, and courteous as ever.Your countenance was as clear as the zamzam water.Your heart seemed unmoved asthe corals at the turbulent sea.Yet, I ventured to give youthe benefit of the doubt.

Days had passed, and came the weeks;weeks had gone, then turned to the months.No longer could I contain my long hidden affection,when I finally resolved to defy the tradition, to conquer my shame, and write out my feelings to you.

“My dearest Brother, it was already long past high noon. Time is creeping towards sunset.Don’t you know that I love you?What has made you pass your days alone?Aren’t you lonely?Would you desire and accept my company?”

You looked at me quietly.I guess, you didn’t expect my declaration.In the mean time,your silence -- difficult to interpret --was killing me.

“Has someone, somehow, broken your delicate heart somewhere in the past,and that she took away the joy from your heart?Or, has she returned to the Heaven,and that you’ve failed to escape from the pain?”

“Come, would you open your arms for me?Let me comfort you and make you happy;

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and let’s knit a new hope for a future together.”

Khadijah Radhiallahu ‘Anha, initiated the marriagethrough her friend Nufaysah Binti Munyahwho approached Muhammad:“What prevents you from getting married?” of which Muhammad answered: “I have no means with which to afford it.”“What if you were excused from providingsuch means and were called by a personof beauty, wealth, status and honor;what would be your response?”Muhammad replied:“But, who could be such a person?”Nufaysah declared: “Khadijah.”The young man was astounded; he knew how the noblest and wealthiest men of Quraysy in Makkah had been competing to win the affection of that honorable and respected widow.And, yet, she had her heart for him,and actually extended her hands to him.Subhanallah! Glory be to God!Having already admired her discreetlywith great respect even before, he hastened to declare his acceptance. (1)

Well, Kekasih!I am no the honorable Khadijah;nor do I dare to compare.I am not the least of a woman of high status; nor am I a woman with wealth and great beauty.I am but a common person;but, I DO have my honor,and I love you truly and truthfully.For the memory of zamzam,will you marry me?

You seemed to hesitate to reciprocate to my feelings.“I will cook for you,” I said.“I’ll take care of you,” again I assured.“I will love you as a brother, a lover,

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a father, and a guru.And I’ll be your best friend, as well.Would you extend kindness to my children,and give us companionship and protection?”

When the Prophet asked Umm Salamah Radhiallahu ‘Anha,whose husband had died of woundsin the Battle of Uhud, for marriage; she replied: "Ya, Rasullullah! I have these three weaknesses. I am a very jealous woman;I fear I might do things that you dislike. Secondly, I am an old woman. Finally, I have many children." The Honorable Prophet answered: "Regarding your jealousy, I pray to Allah to remove it from you. As for your being old, we are actually similar in age. And as for the children, your children are mine." (2)

Oh, how honorable was he!How fortunate was she!Thus, Umm Salamah agreed to marry the Prophet,and became “The Mother of the Believers.”Allahu Akbar! Allah is the Greatest!Subhanallah! Glory be to Him!

Time had long now passed.My unrequited love had turned to bea heavy burden,physically, but more psychologically.

“We do not burden any soul beyond its means.”

“On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear.It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns.(Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error. Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like thatwhich Thou did lay on those before us.

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Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon our sins, and grant us forgiveness.Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector.”

There were periodswhen you did reciprocate,when we tried to know each other better,when you warmed up towards me,when you encouraged me to excel,when you took pride in my achievements,when we sat and read together,when we discussed issues,when we went out to visit,when you gave me hope.

But, then, what I perceivedturned to be a mirage, not an oasis.My expectation turned to be a fallacy,which offered no future.

We had talked, I had persuaded you.We had argued, I had begged you.I had tried to guide you.I had lectured to you.

“And among His Signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentmentwith each other, and He placed in your hearts love and mercy. Verily, in this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.”

“It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam),and then He has created from himhis wife (Hawa), in order that he might dwell in tranquility with her.”

“They are your garments,and you are their garments.”

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“Oh, young men!Those among you who can support a wife,should marry,for it restrains eyes from casting evil glancesand preserves one from immorality;but those who cannot,should devote themselves to fasting,for it is a means of controlling desire.”

“He who marries, completes half of his religion;the other half is let him fear Allah.”

“By Allah, I am more submissive to Allahand more afraid of Him than you;yet, I pray and sleep, too.I fast and break my fast,and I also marry women.He who turns away from my Sunnah,is not one of my followers.”

Yet, your conscience seemed untouched,your heart was unmoved asthe corals at the turbulent sea.

There were also moments when your heart almost came close to the light.And, oh, how vigorous was I praying to Godthat you’d be able to make a brave decision.But, soon, you let time pass byand allowed the darkness to siege and suffocate you, as it did in your past. And, there, you were, againcaught in the vicious circle and cyclethat you had created,yet unable to extricate yourself from.There, again, you were,helpless and haplessshrouded in your mystery,shackled in your invisible penitentiary.

“My beloved brother!Break free from your life of secrecy,and love freely!Liberate yourself from

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the weakness of indecisiveness, and enjoy the blessings of lovethat Allah may bestow upon youin your old age.”

“You are no longer in your prime time;but I need your brain, nevertheless.You are a poet, I am a poet;together, we can be greater!I want to be a female Rumi in the future,would you support and empower me?”

But my call remained unheeded.I was like shouting in a deep and dark caveonly to have my voice bounced back to my own ears.

“By the afternoon. The human being is utterly lost. Except those who believe and lead a righteous life, and exhort one anotherto uphold the truth, and exhort one another to be steadfast.”

I had reminded you as any good Muslim should;I had feared for you for Allah’s wrathas someone who cared about you;I had wanted to rescue youas a woman who was loving you.Till I eventually realized to no avail,that I was actually talking to the wall, and that you didn’t want to change, for the better.Or, may be,you were simply too old to change.

“You cannot guide the ones you love. Allah is the only One Who guides in accordance with His will, and in accordance with His knowledge of those who deserve the guidance.”

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"It is he whom Allah guides, that is on true Guidance; but he whom He leaves astray, for such, will you find no protector besides Him".

“Had Allah willed, He could’ve made you one congregation. But He sends astray whoever chooses to go astray, and He guides whoever wishes to be guided.You will surely be asked about everything you have done."

“Had your Lord willed, all the people on earth would have believed. Do you want to force the people against their willto become believers?”

“No soul can believe, except by the Will of Allah. He places a curse upon those whorefuse to understand.”

“Say: "Behold all that is in the heavens and the earth;" but neither Signs nor Warnings can help people who decided to disbelieve.”

“As for those who disbelieve, it is the same to them; whether you warn them or not warn them, they will not believe.”

“Allah has sealed their minds and their hearing, and their eyes are veiled. Great is the penalty they incur.”

“Their example is like those who start a fire; then, as it begins to shed light around them, Allah takes away their light, and let them in utter darkness, so, they could not see.”

“They are deaf, dumb, and blind; so, they will not return to the Right path.”

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Heart-broken, I felt friendless.So trying, indeed, was this test, while questioning my own self:“Where did I get my love feelings for you?This much?If not from the Creator, from who?”

However, in my bitter solitary,I strove and struggled and sought refuge to Allah.

“Jihad is ordained for you,although you dislike it. But it is possible that you dislike a thing, which is good for you;and that you love a thing,which is bad for you.Allah knows, and you know not.”

"Indeed, your Friend, Protector and Helper is Allah, His Messenger and the Believers -- those who establish regular prayers, give charity and bow down humbly with obedience to Allah. And whoever takes Allah, His Messenger and the Believers, as friends, protectors and helpers,they belong to the Party of Allah.Absolutely, they are the victors."

In the quest of my love to you,I ultimately couldn’t help feeling anything,but pity towards you.Yes, a great pity.You were pitiful in that that you were trapped in destiny,resulting from your own reluctanceto shape your fate in the way of Allah,even after being given your one last chance.

“Verily never will God change the condition of a people, until they themselves make the decisionto change it themselves.”

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With deep regrets and sorry feelings towards you,I, then, concluded that just as God had createdAbu Sufyan and Hind;the black slave turned to the beloved Muazzin, Bilal;the despicable black slave, Wahsyi,the dishonest and cowardly murderer of Hamzah, the Sword of Allah;the gentle and generous Abu Bakar As-Siddiq;and the most hater turned tothe staunchest defender of Islam,Umar Ibn Al-Khattab;as well as Abu Lahab and his wife;that was the way God had meantto create you, the way you were.Nothing exists but by His will.Nothing changes but by His power.It might as well, after all, be God’s will.

So, there you were!Powerless in your destiny.No will power to change your way of life.A’udzubillahimindzalik!I seek protection from Allah from that weakness.

Oh, my Lord!Many times had I felt I’d almost lost my iman,feeling abandoned by You,offering prayers, rejected,asking questions, unanswered.Astaghfirullah al-’Adzim! I seek pardon from Allah, the Supreme!Who was I, earlier, forcing my desire upon Your will?Imposing my love towards him?Full of vanity, wanting to rescue him?Without doubt, Thou art the Most Knowing!

I, at last, made my decision-- the hardest decision I had to take --which was to unlove you.

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You just didn’t want to share your life with anyone.You were simply incapable to.Either that was a meanness or a curse.It was obvious that you had deliberately chosen to be defiant, to disobey Allah,and I couldn’t let that corrupt my iman;A’udzubillahimindzalik!I seek protection from Allah from that corruption.So, intead, I would struggle!To stay away from youmight be, after all, what I should do.

“Then, when you have taken a decision,put your trust in Allah.For Allah loves thosewho put their trust in Him.”

“If Allah helps you,none can overcome you;but if He forsakes you,who is there to help you, after that?In Allah, then,let the Believers put their trust.”

And, so, I trusted AllahI surrendered to HimI put my trust in Him.I accept and receive what He gives.What He does not give,I strive not to want it.

To soothe myself from this sorrow,I turned to the kisah of Bilal Ibn Abi Rabah,the Muslim hero that I had always admired,who could cause tears to spring in my eyes.Oh, what pain of mine compared to his?Mine was nothing and trivial,his was substantial and great.In his hidden joy and serenity in discovering Islam, he was welcoming the morning and preparing for the day of his punishment

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by his master, Umayyah,while offering gratitude to his Creator, Allah:“Oh, God, it is not man who chooses You,but You who choose man.No man may believe except by Your will.”Despite being burned by the scorching sunand weighed down by the heaviest rock,then repeatedly struck by the strongest whip,Bilal declared even more articulatelyhis total surrender to Allah:“Ahad, Ahad, Ahad.”How could and would his torturers have knownthat Allah had already lifted him upbeyond fear of their hands?- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -“Bilal, in what ways do you know God?”“I know Him in my heart. I know Him but do not know Him.Can you by searching, ya Rasullullah,find out God?”“Yes, Bilal, by searching,by praying to Him,by praising Him, andby doing good to your fellow man.But, remember! Always it is NOT you who finds God; it is God who finds you.” (3)- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -And so, mentally, I laid my body and soul to rest in peaceand begged Allah to FIND me in my misery,then embrace me and my childrenin His Infinite Mercy.

NGS

Washington, DC, Sunday, November 28th, 2000

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GLOSSARY:

1. Zamzam: A well rewarded to Hajar and Ismail after Hajar ran to and fro in search of water for her baby Ismail, when they were left in the desert. It is about 150 meter southeast of the Ka’bah.

2. Syuhada: A martyr or martyrs, someone or people who die or get killed in the way of Allah.

3. Talbiyah: The response to Allah’s call for Hajj, of which verses are: “Labbayk Allahumma Labbayk, Labbayk la syarika laka Labbayk!” “I have come to respond to Your call, ya, Allah! Here I am!”

4. Ka'bah or Baitullah: A large cube, a cement block structure the size of a tiny house, covered by black velvet cloth with gold thread scriptures, situated in the city of Makkah, Saudi Arabia. It is the center of direction for prayer for the Muslims all over the world, five times every day.

5. Tawaf: Circumambulation around the Ka'bah.

6. Masjidil Haram: The huge mosque which surrounds the Ka'bah.

7. Masya Allah: An interjection in Arabic language to admire God's creations, but at the same time also contains a prayer that God will protect those creations from their destruction or evil effects.

8. Ahad: One

9. Mala'ikah: An Arabic word for 'angel.'

10. Jinn: An Arabic word for 'devil.'

11. Al-Qur'an: The Holy Book revealed to Prophet Muhammad, SAW, as the guidance for the Muslims.

12. Du'a: An Arabic word for 'prayer' or 'supplication'.

13. Iman: Faith, such as faith in Allah.

14. Salat: Prayer in Islamic religion, with certain movements and recitations, performed 5 times a day.

15. Mu'azzin: A man who calls out the faithful to prayer in the mosque, reciting certain verses in a beautiful and melodious voice.

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16. Hajj: Pilgrimage to the Ka'bah, the House of Allah, in Makkah (Mecca) Saudi Arabia, during the prescribed season, and perform some rituals. It is the fifth pillar of the Islamic religion. This worship is required from every Muslim, at least once in a life time. A Muslim man who has made his hajj is called 'Hajji' and a Muslim woman who has made her hajj is called 'Hajjah.'

17. Masdjid: An Arabic word for mosque.

18. Tasbih: Prayer bead.

19. Sajadah: Prayer rug.

20. Astaghfirullah: An Arabic expression, which means 'I seek pardon from Allah.'

21. Sunnah: Prophet Muhammad’s traditions or sayings.

22. Wudhu: Ablution, a cleansing of the body, especially in a religious ceremony.

23. Jenazah: corpse, a dead body.

24. ‘Asr: The afternoon prayer, the third prayer during the day.

25. Maghrib: The evening prayer, the fourth prayer during the day.

26. Rasullullah: The Prophet of Allah.

27. Adzan: The call of prayer.

28. Iqamah: The call to immediately perform the prayer (salat)

29. Tayammum: Ablution with dust, in case of emergency of lack of water.

30. Qiblah: Direction of prayer, which is to the position of Ka’bah.

31. Tamar: Dates, which is typical palm fruits of the desert.

32. Tin: Fig

33. Zaitun: Olive

34. Dzikir: Remembrance of Allah

35. Nafl: Voluntary prayers

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36. Al-Haram: The Masjidil Haram, the huge mosque which surrounds the Ka'bah.

37. Hujjaj: Plural form of hajji and hajjah, the pilgrims.

38. Tafadhdhal, ya, Ukhti: Please, my Sister.

39. Ziarah: Arabic and Indonesian word for visit or pilgrimage.

40. Kekasih: Someone you love.

41. Radhiallahu ‘Anha: May Allah be pleased with her.

42. Kisah: Arabic and Indonesian word for story.

43. Nasib: Arabic and Indonesian word for ‘fate.’

44. Abu Bakar As-Siddiq: The first caliph during the Islamic period after the leadership and death of Prophet Muhammad SAW.

45. Umar Ibn Al-Khattab: The second caliph during the Islamic period after the leadership and death of Prophet Muhammad SAW.

46. Umayyah: One of the most powerful Makkans and the master of Bilal.

47. Bilal Ibn Abi Rabah: The Abyssinian black slave of Umayyah who was tortured when he declared his iman to Islam. He later became the beloved mu’azzin of Prophet Muhammad, SAW, because of his melodious voice.

48. Hamzah: Prophet Muhammad’s paternal uncle, and his defender. He was a very brave warrior and very skillful with his sword, that he was called “The Sword of Allah.”

49. Wahsyi: The Abyssinian black slave who killed Hamzah from the back with his spear, in the Battle of Uhud. He was hired to kill Hamzah by Hind, the wife of Abu Sufyan, who promised him his freedom, as well as silver of his weight and silk of his length.

50. Abu Sufyan: One of the most powerful Makkans who opposed Prophet Muhammad, SAW.

51. Abu Lahab: Prophet Muhammad's uncle and the leader of the opposition. His wife carried out a campaign of persecution against Muhammad and the believers.

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FOOTNOTE:

1. The Life of Muhammad by Muhammad Husayn Haykal, American Trust Publication, 1976.

2. “Biography of Prophet Muhammad” by Dr. A. Zahoor and Dr. Z. Haq, http://www.muslimsonline.com/~azahoor/muhammad.html

3. Bilal by H.A.L. Craig, Quartet Books Limited, 27 Goodge Street, London W1P1FD, 1979.

4. “Righteousness is not turning your faces towards the East or the West. Righteous are those who believe in God, the Last Day, the Angels, the Scripture, and the Prophets; and who give their wealth cheerfully, to the relatives, the orphans, . . . . . “

(Page 2: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-Baqarah -- Chapter The Heifer -- 2:177)

5. “They ask you about giving: say, ‘The charity you give shall go to the parents, the relatives, the orphans, . . . . . ‘ “


6. “They donate their favorite food to the poor, the orphan, . . . . . “

(Page 2: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-Insaan -- Chapter Man -- 76:8)

7. “The rights of orphaned boys must also be protected as well. You shall treat the orphans equitably. Whatever good you do, God is fully aware thereof."

(Page 2: Al-Qur’an, Surah An-Nisaa' -- Chapter Women -- 4:127)

8. “Do you know who really rejects the faith? That is the one who mistreats the orphans.”

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http://www.muslimsonline.com/~azahoor/muhammad.html

(Page 2: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-Maa`un -- Chapter Small Kindnesses, Almsgiving, Have You Seen? -- 107:1-2)

9. “God is He Who raised the heavens without any pillars that you can see; is firmly established on the Throne of Authority.”

(Page 9: Al-Qur’an, Surah Ar-Ra’ad -- Chapter The Thunder -- 13:2)

10. “A’udzu billaah iminasy syaitaan irrajiim Bismillaah irrahmaan irrahiim Alhamdulillaah irabbil ‘aalamiin Arrahmaan irrahiim Maalikiyaw middiin Iyyaa kana’ buduu wa iyyaa kanasta’iin Ihdinas siraat almustaqiim Siraat alladzii na an’amta’alaihim Ghairil maghduu bi’alaihim Waladhdhaalliin Aamiin”

(Page 10: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-Fatihah -- Chapter The Opening -- 1:1-7)

11. Qulhuwallaahu Ahad Allaah ussamad Lamyalid walamyuulad Walamyakullahu kufuwan Ahad”

(Page 11: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-Ikhlaas -- Chapter Sincerity -- 112:1-4)

12. “We do not burden any soul beyond its means.” (Page 18: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-An'am -- Chapter Livestock -- 6:152)

13. “On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, And it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error. Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that

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which Thou did lay on those before us. Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector.


14. “And among His Signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and mercy. Verily, in this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.”

(Page 19: Al-Qur’an, Surah Ar-Rum -- Chapter The Roman -- 30:21)

15. “It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and then He has created from him his wife (Hawa), in order that he might dwell in tranquility with her.”

(Page 19: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-A’raf -- Chapter The Heights -- 7:189)

16. “They are your garments, and you are their garments.”


17. “By the afternoon. The human being is utterly lost. Except those who believe and lead a righteous life, and exhort one another to uphold the truth, and exhort one another

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to be steadfast.”

(Page 21: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-‘Asr -- Chapter The Declining Day -- 103:1-3)

18. “You cannot guide the ones you love. Allah is the only One Who guides in accordance with His will, and in accordance with His knowledge of those who deserve the guidance.”

(Page 21: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-Qasas -- Chapter The Story -- 28:56)

19. "It is he whom Allah guides, that is on true Guidance; but he whom He leaves astray, for such, will you find no protector besides Him". (Page 22: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-Isra’ -- Chapter The Night Jurney -- 17:97)

20. “Had Allah willed, He could’ve made you one congregation. But He sends astray whoever chooses to go astray, and He guides whoever wishes to be guided. You will surely be asked about everything you have done."

(Page 22: Al-Qur’an, Surah An-Nahl -- Chapter The Bee -- 16:93)

21. “Had your Lord willed, all the people on earth would have believed. Do you want to force the people against their will to become believers?”

(Page 22: Al-Qur’an, Surah Yunus -- Chapter Yunus/Jonah -- 10:99)

22. “No soul can believe, except by the Will of Allah. He places a curse upon those who refuse to understand.”

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23. “Say: "Behold all that is in the heavens and the earth;" but neither Signs nor Warnings can help people who decided to disbelieve.”


24. “As for those who disbelieve, it is the same to them; whether you warn them or not warn them, they will not believe.”


25. “Allah has sealed their minds and their hearing, and their eyes are veiled. Great is the penalty they incur.”


26. “Their example is like those who start a fire; then, as it begins to shed light around them, Allah takes away their light, and let them in utter darkness, so, they could not see.”


27. “They are deaf, dumb, and blind; so, they will not return to the Right path.”


28. “Jihad is ordained for you, although you dislike it. But it is possible that you dislike a thing, which is good for you; and that you love a thing,

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which is bad for you. Allah knows, and you know not.”


29. "Indeed, your Friend, Protector and Helper is Allah, His Messenger and the Believers -- those who establish regular prayers, give charity and bow down humbly with obedience to Allah. And whoever takes Allah, His Messenger and the Believers, as friends, protectors and helpers, they belong to the Party of Allah. Absolutely, they are the victors."

(Page 22: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-Ma’idah, -- -- Chapter The Table Spread -- 5: 55-56)

30. “Verily never will God change the condition of a people, until they themselves make the decision to change it themselves.”

(Page 23: Al-Qur’an, Surah Ar-Ra’ad -- Chapter The Thunder -- 13:11)

31. “Then, when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah. For Allah loves those who put their trust in Him.”

(Page 24: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-Imran -- Chapter The House of ‘Imran -- 3:159)

32. “If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; if He forsakes you, who is there, after that, that can help you? In Allah, then, let Believers put their trust.”

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(Page 25: Al-Qur’an, Surah Al-Imran -- Chapter The House of ‘Imran -- 3:160)

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