for preview only - pioneer drama service right here on 159th street between 42nd and 43rd avenue,...
TRANSCRIPT
By Pat Lydersen
© Copyright 2016, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc.
Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155.
All rights to this play—including but not limited to amateur, professional, radio broadcast, television, motion picture, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given.
These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada, Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom.
ONE SCRIPT PER CAST MEMBER MUST BE PURCHASED FOR PRODUCTION RIGHTS.
COPYING OR DISTRIBUTING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK WITHOUT PERMISSION IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.
On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear:
1. The full name of the play2. The full name of the playwright3. The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with
Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Denver, Colorado”
For preview only
ii 39
IN THE HOOD
By PAT LYDERSEN
CAST OF CHARACTERSAdult Neighbors
# of lines
MR. FINEBURG ....................kind and gentle old man; owns ..........58 the buildings in the hood
MRS. MOSCAVITZ ................owner of the fruit and vegetable ........34 market; bossy and quick to anger
MRS. MENDEZ ....................kind owner of the coffee shop ...........27MR. TAGLIATELLI .................hopeful entrepreneur ..........................6MR. O’BRIEN ......................mailman ............................................6OLD LADY LUTZ ...................grouchy old lady ...............................16MR. HOUDINI ......................owner of Houdini’s Emporium; ...........38
thinks he’s the son of Harry Houdini
MISS BOWMAN ...................flaky and flamboyant .........................41 acting teacher
JENNY ................................young computer wiz who rents a ........48 room from Mr. Fineburg
Neighborhood TeensJOSIE .................................narrates the story; Joe’s sister ..........69JOE ....................................another narrator; Josie’s brother ........74NAOMI .......................................................................................14DONNA ......................................................................................14KEISHA ......................................................................................11MARY ........................................................................................10SHADES ....................................................................................12JACKIE.........................................................................................9RICO .........................................................................................11MALCOLM ..................................................................................14
Neighborhood KidsJIMMY ................................Josie and Joe’s little brother;.............25
loves filming with an old video cameraSALLY .................................Jimmy’s friend ..................................20AMY ............................................................................................7BOBBY ........................................................................................7TOMMY .....................................................................................11
MISS BOWMAN wears a Bohemian style long skirt and flowing top. In Scene Seven, she wears a long white nightgown.
GUY JANTIC should be in a black suit and tie. His GOONS could all just wear black pants, white shirts, and black ties. Matching dark sunglasses for all of them might be a nice touch.
SOUNDDrum beats (optional), dance music, car honk.
FLEXIBLE CASTING NOTEMany roles may be played as either gender with simple changes in name and pronoun use. For instance, Naomi’s mom can become Naomi’s dad.
This show allows for a cast of 40 more with lots of room for extras as neighbors, customers, teenagers, kids, and goons.
For a smaller cast, extensive doubling is possible, having actors play multiple roles. For an even smaller cast, you can have fewer goons, teenagers, and kids by combining lines. Parts that cannot be doubled are MR. FINEBURG, MRS. MOSCAVITZ, MR. HOUDINI, MISS BOWMAN, MRS. MENDEZ, JENNY, JOSIE, JOE, JIMMY, and SALLY.
For preview only
iii38
MATTHEW ..................................................................................12VERONICA ....................................................................................5MARIA .........................................................................................5
The Bad GuysGUY JANTIC ........................real estate developer ........................30MOODY ..............................Jantic’s secretary ...............................5SMITH ................................one of Jantic’s goons; does his ...........1
dirty workSTERN ................................another goon .....................................1HARTLESS ..........................another .............................................1GRISLY ...............................another .............................................3GRAY ..................................another .............................................3
Ensemble RolesNAOMI’S MOM .............................................................................5MRS. JONES ................................................................................2CUSTOMERS ................................................................................5IRS MAN ......................................................................................8WOMAN .......................................................................................1LITTLE GIRL .................................................................................3PAPPY .........................................................................................2BRITISH GENTLEMAN ...................................................................1TEXTING GIRLS .........................................................................n/aFRENCH GIRLS .............................................................................2SAFARI HUNTER ........................................................................n/aLOLA LEANNI ...............................................................................1SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWERS .......................................................n/a
Scene Five:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Chess board and pieces (JENNY, MR. FINEBURG)Video camera (JIMMY)Phone (SMITH)Tablet (STERN, HARTLESS)Notepad, pen (MOODY)Broom (MRS. MOSCAVITZ)
Scene Six:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Push cart with sign reading “For Sale” (MR. TAGLIATELLI)
Scene Seven:Baked goods (MRS. MOSCAVITZ, MRS. MENDEZ)Lemonade stand, cups, pitcher (KIDS)Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks, rags, buckets (TEENS)Laptop (JENNY)
Scene Eight:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Money (MATTHEW, JOSIE)Envelope with money (MRS. MENDEZ, MISS BOWMAN)Notebook, pen (JENNY)
Scene Nine:Furniture, boxes, suitcases (NEIGHBORS)“Closed” sign (MRS. MENDEZ)Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Suitcase, fishbowl with a fish (MISS BOWMAN)Push cart full of fruits and vegetables (MRS. MOSCAVITZ)Backpack, laptop bag (JENNY)Crate of letters (MR. O’BRIEN)Tablet (LITTLE GIRL, BRITISH GENTLEMAN, SAFARI MAN, EXTRAS)Phones (TEXTING GIRLS, FRENCH GIRLS, LOLA, EXTRAS)
COSTUMESCostumes are exceptionally easy in the play, since most actors can wear their own modern clothes. Actors should of course wear the kind of clothes appropriate to the age and occupation of their characters. Some specifics are:
MR. HOUDINI wears an old-fashioned suit with a vest and bow tie. In Scenes Two and Nine, he wears chains. In Scenes Three and Four, he wears a straitjacket. In Scene Seven, he is wrapped in a piece of fabric that is covered in duct tape.
For preview only
iv 37
SETTINGTime: Present.Place: The neighborhood at 159th Street and 43rd Avenue.
SET DESCRIPTIONA city block of old buildings. The building on one end should look like an apartment building with a stoop in front of it. The other buildings have cutout windows on the upper floors show where people live, and shops with doors on the ground floor, including a food market, a coffee shop, and an old junk store called “Houdini’s Emporium.” If desired, rather than full flats across the stage, these buildings can be suggested by fragmentary set pieces such as signs, door frames, and window frames. Either way, there should be a stand with fruits and vegetables in front of Mrs. Moscavitz’s market, a table with two chairs in front of Mrs. Mendez’s coffee shop, and a trunk in front of Mr. Houdini’s emporium. Also onstage are a bench and several crates for actors to sit on. Finally, there should be a street sign with “159th St” in one direction and “43rd Ave” in the other.
PRODUCTION NOTES
PROPERTIES ONSTAGEStand with fruits and vegetables (including broccoli, bananas, and zucchini), coffee shop table with cups and coffee pot, two chairs, trunk, bench, crates, street signs with “159th St” and “43rd Ave.”
PROPERTIES BROUGHT ONScene One:
Newspaper (MR. FINEBURG)Push cart with sign reading “Hot Dogs” (MR. TAGLIATELLI)Mailbag with letters (MR. O’BRIEN)Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Feather duster or dust rag (MR. HOUDINI)Key (MRS. MENDEZ)Goldfish bowl with a fish in it (MISS BOWMAN)Video camera (JIMMY)Movie clapper (SALLY)Bananas (OLD LADY LUTZ)
Scene Two:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Zucchini (MRS. MOSCAVITZ)Suitcase, backpack, laptop bag (JENNY)Bag of zucchini (MR. FINEBURG)
Scene Three:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks, mp3 player, bracelets (TEENS)Push cart with sign reading “Ice Cream” (MR. TAGLIATELLI)Book (JOSIE)Briefcase, handkerchief, paper (IRS MAN)Fruit (MRS. MOSCAVITZ)Movie clapper (SALLY)
Scene Four:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Laptop (JENNY)Fruit (MRS. MOSCAVITZ)Push cart with sign reading “Popcorn” (MR. TAGLIATELLI)Brown bag (MR. FINEBURG)Video camera (JIMMY)
For preview only
136
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
IN THE HOOD
Scene OneAT RISE: MRS. MOSCAVITZ arranges her fruit and vegetable stand. MRS. MENDEZ talks to MRS. JONES over coffee at the table in front of her shop. NAOMI sits on the bench with JOSIE and JOE. MR. FINEBURG sits on his stoop reading a newspaper. TOMMY, BOBBY, and AMY play hopscotch. MR. TAGLIATELLI ENTERS pushing a cart with a sign that reads “Hot Dogs”.MR. TAGLIATELLI: Hot dogs! Come get your hot dogs!MR. FINEBURG: Mr. Tagliatelli, what are you doing with that hot dog
cart? I thought you had just taken a job with the auto shop down the street.
MR. TAGLIATELLI: No, no. Forget auto shops! Who wants to work in an auto shop? This cart, Mr. Fine, is my new business venture.
MR. FINEBURG: Well, good luck with it. I’d buy a hot dog right now, but I just had lunch.
MR. TAGLIATELLI: I will come earlier tomorrow, Mr. Fine, and you can taste one of my hot dogs. They are the best in the city! Now, I better go. I don’t want to keep all the hot dog lovers waiting. Hot dogs! Come get your hot dogs! (EXITS.)
NAOMI’S MOM: (From her window.) Naomi! There’s a telephone call for you!
NAOMI: I’ll be right there, Mom. (To JOSIE.) Oh, my gosh, maybe it’s that guy I met in the park yesterday. (Runs OFF.)
MR. O’BRIEN: (ENTERS with a mailbag and letters.) Good afternoon, Mr. Fineburg. Beautiful day, isn’t it?
MR. FINEBURG: It certainly is, Mr. O’Brien. It certainly is.MR. O’BRIEN: (Offers some mail.) Here’s your mail. Hope there aren’t
too many bills in there!MRS. JONES: Mr. O’Brien, I’ve been expecting a package. Do you have
it with you?MR. O’BRIEN: Not today, Mrs. Jones. Sorry. (EXITS.)TOMMY: You stepped on a line!BOBBY: I did not!AMY: You did, too!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Can’t you children play a decent game of
hopscotch without fighting all the time? Now get away from my shop. I have some sweeping to do! (KIDS stomp OFF, still arguing.)
OLD LADY LUTZ: (From her window.) Moscavitz! Did you get in those prunes I ordered yesterday?
JIMMY: Watch YouTube!ALL: And tweet, tweet, tweet!JENNY: You won’t have to worry about Guy Jantic anymore, Mr. Fineburg.
Thanks to the humanity of folks online, our neighborhood is safe. (EVERYONE cheers.)
MISS BOWMAN: I better bring Goldilocks back upstairs. It’s time for her lunch. And I’ll call the movie theater and tell them I won’t be needing that room, though I’m still going to take that job!
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: I think I’ll get these apples displayed where they belong—in front of my market!
JENNY: I’ll help Mr. Houdini out of these chains!MR. HOUDINI: (Struggles with the chains.) I can do it myself! I am the
Great Houdini!MRS. MENDEZ: (Taking the “Closed” sign down from her shop.) How
about some cinnamon buns for everyone? (EVERYONE cheers again. The cheers turn to hugs and pats on the back as JOE and JOSIE walk DOWNSTAGE.)
JOE: (To AUDIENCE.) So, that’s it. That’s what happened in the hood.JOSIE: Right here on 159th Street between 42nd and 43rd Avenue,
history was made.JOE: A bunch of little people…JOSIE: …with a little help from Facebook, You Tube, and Twitter…JOE: …defeated the bad guys and kept our neighborhood alive.JOSIE: We all made Mr. Fineburg raise our rents a bit so he could pay
his taxes each year.JOE: And so our homes, Mrs. Moscavitz’s market, Mrs. Mendez’s coffee
shop, and Mr. Houdini’s store would be safe for years to come.MR. HOUDINI: (Looks out from his store.) It’s an emporium! (TEENS
begin a new beat and EVERYONE joins in the rap this time.)JOSIE/JOE: (Rap.) So that is the story of what happened in the hood.ALL: (Rap.) And we’re all glad that it turned out good.MR. FINEBURG: (Raps.) I never really thought that anything could
Happen like it happened.It happened in the hood!
ALL: (Rap.) It happened in the hood!It happened in the hood!It happened, it happened, it happened in the hood!It happened in the hood!It happened in the hood!It happened, it happened, it happened in the hood!
END OF PLAY
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
For preview only
2 35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: No. How many times do I have to tell you? They’ll be here next week. (MR. FINEBURG EXITS. JOSIE and JOE stand, walk CENTER, and address the AUDIENCE.)
JOSIE: 159th Street…JOE: …between 42nd and 43rd Avenue…JOSIE: …one city block…ALL: …where we all live!JOE: Yup, this street—with its apartments, its stores, its people— it’s
our home, the place we hang out. Our hood.JOSIE: It looks pretty normal now, but it’s where it all happened.JOE: Yup. This is where it happened.JOSIE: This is where history was made. (TEENS ENTER with plastic
buckets, tin cans, etc. to use as drums, and sticks, utensils, etc. to use as drumsticks. They begin to rap with JOSIE and JOE. [NOTE: A recorded drumbeat can be used to supplement the beat of the teenagers’ drums.])
JOSIE: (Raps.) It happened in the hood! It happened in the hood!This is the story of what happened in the hood.
JOE: (Raps.) We were just chillin’, and we were livin’ good,Doing our thing just because we could.
ALL: (Raps.) It happened in the hood! It happened in the hood!This is the story of what happened in the hood.
JOE: (Raps.) We never really thought that anything could—JOSIE: (Raps.) Happen like it happened. It happened in the hood!ALL: (Rap.) It happened in the hood!
It happened in the hood!It happened, it happened, it happened in the hood!It happened in the hood!It happened in the hood!It happened, it happened, it happened in the hood! (After the rap, MALCOLM, KEISHA, MARY, and NAOMI EXIT. JOE, JOSIE, DONNA, RICO, SHADES, and JACKIE stay DOWNSTAGE.)
RICO: (To the boys.) Hey, bros! Let’s go down to the park and shoot some hoops.
JOE: Sorry, can’t make it.JACKIE: Me neither. I have to go to work stacking boxes at
Mrs. Moscavitz’s.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (Yells from OFF in her shop.) Jackie! You get
yourself in here right now! You’re late!JACKIE: (To RICO.) Later! (Runs OFF into Mrs. Moscavitz’s store.)
GUY JANTIC: That’s true, but what’s going to happen tomorrow, little girl? Is the guardian angel of tax evaders going to flit down to earth and help your Mr. Fineburg out? Is money going to fall from the sky to pay for his overdue bill? I don’t think so. I—
MR. FINEBURG: Think what you like, Mr. Jantic. Money may not fall from the sky, but apparently it can come in the mail!
GUY JANTIC: What are you talking about?JENNY: (Holds up the crate of letters.) I have here more than enough
money to pay Mr. Fineburg’s bill. It’s come from people all over the world!
GUY JANTIC: What?!JIMMY: It’s from people who have seen my video on YouTube!SALLY: And Facebook!JENNY: That’s right. And Twitter, Mr. Jantic. Thousands of people have
been tweeting about you for the last two weeks. Everyone knows about your underhanded actions!
GUY JANTIC: This is ridiculous!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: The only ridiculous thing here is you, Mr. Nose-
in-the-Air!MRS. MENDEZ: So go back to your fancy office!MR. HOUDINI: And take your lackeys with you!MISS BOWMAN: Well said, Houdini!GUY JANTIC: (Gets in MR. FINEBURG’S face.) You… you… you have
not heard the end of this, Fineburg. You have not heard the end of it! (EXITS. GRISLY and GRAY watch him go, look at the neighbors, then hurry OFF themselves. The NEIGHBORS cheer and high-five each other.)
MR. FINEBURG: What just happened here? What is all this Facebook and tweet-tweet business?
JENNY: It’s social media, Mr. Fineburg. When you said no to the crowdfunding campaign, we uploaded a video and shared it with everyone we could.
JOSIE: It’s how Jenny got the word out about your problem.JENNY: The world’s a small place nowadays, thanks to computers.MR. FINEBURG: But they’re so impersonal!JENNY: They can be, but they also bring people together to help each
other. If you want to tell the world the truth, if you want people to hear about the injustices that happen every day everywhere, just get on the internet.
JOE: Make friends on Facebook!
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
For preview only
334
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
RICO: Shades?SHADES: Sorry, man. I got a date with that girl we met the other night.
We’re going to talk about this book she read.DONNA: You’ve never read a book in your life, Shades.SHADES: Donna, Donna, Donna. You don’t have to read a book to talk
about it with a girl. You just have to agree with everything she says and… (Strikes a pose.) …look cool. Better go. I don’t want to be late for my “literature class.” (EXITS.)
DONNA: (Watches him go.) Fool!RICO: Man, I really wanted to work on my jump shot.DONNA: (Turns to RICO.) I’ll shoot some with you, Rico.RICO: (Shrugs.) I don’t know, Donna. I’d rather play with a guy
who can—DONNA: (Smacks him on the back of the head.) Get your ball, little
man. I’m going to show you how it’s done. (They EXIT, RICO rubbing his head.)
JOE: Poor Rico. He’s in for it now. (JOE and JOSIE move DOWN RIGHT. MR. HOUDINI ENTERS to adjust the trunk in front of his shop. CUSTOMERS and OTHERS in the neighborhood busy themselves, looking over the vegetables in front of the market, sitting on the stoop talking, etc. To AUDIENCE.) As I said before, this is our hood.
OLD LADY LUTZ: (ENTERS, walking by.) Hood? Where’s your hood, young man? It’s cold out here. You should have that hood on your head. That’s what it’s for, after all. (Moves along.) Kids these days! They don’t know how to take care of themselves! (EXITS opposite.)
JOE: (To AUDIENCE.) That’s Old Lady Lutz. She’s kind of a grouch.JOSIE: She’s not that bad, just old. Anyway, Joe and I have lived here
in the hood all our lives.JOE: That’s Josie, my sister.JOSIE: We live in that apartment building over there, just above the
food market.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (Loud, to one of her customers.) What do you mean
my broccoli looks limp?! That is the finest broccoli in the city!MARKET CUSTOMER: I was just saying—MRS. MOSCAVITZ: You were saying nonsense. (Grabs the broccoli
from the CUSTOMER’S hand.) Go somewhere else if you don’t like my broccoli.
MARKET CUSTOMER: But I—MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Go! Go! Go! (Waves the broccoli threateningly,
frightening the CUSTOMER OFF. EXITS into her store.)
JOE: Wow! This is from a guy on a safari in Africa! (SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on SAFARI MAN, who ENTERS wearing a safari hat and jacket, using a tablet.)
SAFARI MAN: What a vulture that Guy Jantic is! If I had him here right now, I’d throw him to the lions! (EXITS. SPOTLIGHT OUT.)
JOSIE: I can’t believe it! This one is from Lola Leanni!MARY: The famous actress?MALCOLM: No way! (SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on LOLA, a glamorous
actress, who ENTERS.)LOLA: (Looks at her phone and talks to someone OFFSTAGE.) Did you
see this tweet from Brad, darling? I really must look into this Guy Jantic creature. He sounds quite vile. (EXITS. SPOTLIGHT OUT.)
JENNY: Here are ones from Japan, and Mexico, Canada, Chicago, Albuquerque!
JOE: Portland, Peru, Houston, Miami… (A LARGE GROUP of SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWERS from all over the world ENTERS, all with phones and tablets in their hands.)
ONE: I saw your video on YouTube. I hope this money helps you out.TWO: Your film has gotten thousands of likes on my Facebook page!THREE: I’ve tweeted about your problem to all of my followers!FOUR: Please accept this small check to help pay your taxes.FIVE: Who needs more parking lots?SIX: Guy Jantic is just one…SEVEN: Gigantic…EIGHT: Greedy…NINE: Selfish…TEN: Thieving…ALL: Rat! Down with Guy Jantic! (GROUP EXITS. GUY JANTIC, GRISLY,
and GRAY ENTER.)GUY JANTIC: How nice. All the neighbors are getting together to say
their last goodbyes. (Crosses to MR. FINEBURG.) Well, Mr. Fineburg, I was just over at the records office, and I saw you haven’t paid your tax bill yet.
MR. FINEBURG: No, I haven’t but—GUY JANTIC: Excellent! Grisly, Gray, put the eviction notices on
the doors!GRISLY/GRAY: Yes, sir!JOE: Just a minute! You can’t do that!JOSIE: Mr. Fineburg has until tomorrow to pay his bill!
For preview only
4 33
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
JOE: I learned early on not to insult Mrs. Moscavitz’s broccoli.JOSIE: (Indicates MR. HOUDINI, who is dusting an old trunk.) That
man over there is Mr. Houdini. He owns Houdini’s Emporium of Treasures and Delights.
JOE: In other words, a junk shop.JOSIE: Mr. Houdini says that he’s the long lost son of the famous
magician Harry Houdini.KEISHA: (ENTERS with MARY and MALCOLM.) Hi, Mr. Houdini.MALCOLM: How’s it going?MR. HOUDINI: Ah, you children are just in time to watch me test
my trunk!MARY: Your trunk?MR. HOUDINI: (Climbs into the trunk.) This is the same trunk my father
used in one of his famous escapes. Flip the lock after I get in, and I’ll show you how he did it.
KEISHA: Oh… All right, but shouldn’t you give us the key so we can let you out afterward?
MR. HOUDINI: Key! Houdini doesn’t need a key! Houdini is the key! (Sinks down into the trunk and slams the top closed.)
JOE: The real Houdini was born in 1874, so it’s highly unlikely that he was our Mr. Houdini’s father.
JOSIE: Joe, you’re always such a skeptic.JOE: I do my research, that’s all.MALCOLM: Mr. Houdini, are you all right in there?MARY: Mr. Houdini? (MR. HOUDINI pounds from inside the trunk,
followed by a muffled yell.)KEISHA: Do you think he’s stuck?MALCOLM: I don’t know. He’s been in there a while.KEISHA: Maybe we should get help.MALCOLM: Yeah. He could suffocate in there.MARY: Oh, no! That would be terrible!MRS. MENDEZ: (Crosses over with a key.) Don’t worry, children. I took
this from him the last time he got stuck in there. (Opens the trunk and MR. HOUDINI staggers out of it.) Mr. Houdini, I wish you’d stop getting into that trunk. You know you can’t get out of it, and it aggravates your claustrophobia.
MR. HOUDINI: I can get out of it. I am the long lost son of the great Harry Houdini! There is not a trunk on this planet which can keep me confined!
MR. FINEBURG: What? But I…MR. O’BRIEN: Just leave the crate out here on the stoop when you’re
finished with it, and I’ll pick it up. Have a nice day! (EXITS.)MR. FINEBURG: (Calls OFF.) But I won’t be here after…JENNY: (Looks through the box.) Mr. Fineburg! These letters are from
all over the country! (Starts opening envelopes.)JOSIE: From all over the world! Here’s one from Australia!JENNY: Oh, my gosh! They’re from people who saw Jimmy’s video on
YouTube and Facebook!JIMMY: All these people saw my video?JOSIE: This one’s from a little girl living in the mountains of Kentucky.
(SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on a LITTLE GIRL and her PAPPY. The girl has a tablet.)
LITTLE GIRL: Look at this, Pappy. I found somethin’ on this tablet.PAPPY: Who’s that guy in them fancy clothes?LITTLE GIRL: He’s a mean man, Pappy. He’s going to steal the homes
right away from all them people if they can’t pay their taxes.PAPPY: Is that right? We better do somethin’ about that, don’t ya
think, child?LITTLE GIRL: I do, Pappy. I really do! (SPOTLIGHT OUT. LITTLE GIRL and
her PAPPY EXIT.)JOE: Here’s one from this guy in England… (SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on a
BRITISH GENTLEMAN, who ENTERS with a tablet.)BRITISH GENTLEMAN: I say! That’s not very sporting of this Guy
Jantic fellow. He’s due for a comeuppance I rather think. Jeeves! Bring me some stationery. I have a letter to write! (SPOTLIGHT OUT. BRITISH GENTLEMAN EXITS.)
JIMMY: This is from a bunch of girls in California. (SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on THREE GIRLS, who ENTER texting one another.)
GIRL ONE: Check out the video on Brittany’s Facebook page and text me back! Send.
GIRL TWO: OMG! That is like so totally mean! Send.GIRL THREE: Guy Jantic is one big fat creep! Send. (SPOTLIGHT OUT.
TEXTING GIRLS EXIT.)JENNY: This one’s from France. (SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on TWO FRENCH
GIRLS, who ENTER looking at a phone.)FRENCH GIRL ONE: C’est pas juste! Zat’s not fair!FRENCH GIRL TWO: We must do somezing about zis! (SPOTLIGHT
OUT. FRENCH GIRLS EXIT.)
For preview only
532
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
MRS. MENDEZ: (Kindly.) Yes, yes, I know. Maybe the trunk is defective. I bet your father couldn’t even get out of it. (KEISHA, MALCOLM, and MARY EXIT.)
JOSIE: (To AUDIENCE.) That’s Mrs. Mendez.JOE: She owns the coffee shop.JOSIE: She’s a really nice lady. She’s always there if you need someone
to talk to.JOE: Or if you need a free soda on a hot day.MISS BOWMAN: (ENTERS carrying a goldfish bowl containing a fish.)
Good morning, darlings!JOSIE/JOE: Good morning, Miss Bowman. (They pronounce it as
“BOW-man.”)MISS BOWMAN: Please, please, will you never learn? It’s Miss
Bowman. (She changes the “a” sound to an “ah” sound and stresses the second syllable: “Bow-MAHN.” [NOTE: Bow-MAHN is the correct pronunciation and should be used unless otherwise noted as mispronounced.”]) Say that after me. Miss Bowman.
JOSIE/JOE: Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Very good. You should never have stopped taking
my acting classes. It’s so easy to sink back into a common way of speaking.
JOSIE: Yes, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Now, what was I doing? Oh, yes. Have you seen Mr.
Fineburg? I have a very important audition today, and I need to leave my little Goldilocks with him. She gets very nervous when she’s alone. (To the fish.) Don’t you, my little sweetikins?
JOE: I think Mr. Fineburg’s at home. He’s helping our brother fix this junky old video camera he found at Mr. Houdini’s shop.
MISS BOWMAN: A video camera? How delightful! He should come to my class, and I can instruct him in the art of the cinema. I was quite the star in my day, you know.
JOE: Yes, Miss Bowman. (Mispronounces it.)MISS BOWMAN: (Raises her hand.) Ah, ah, ah!JOE: Right, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Very good. Well, I must not tarry. I don’t want to be
late for my very important audition! (Crosses and knocks on MR. FINEBURG’S door. MR. FINEBURG ENTERS and sits on the stoop as they talk.)
JOSIE: (To AUDIENCE.) Miss Bowman lives above the coffee shop.JOE: She had a tiny part in a Broadway show about a hundred years ago.
MRS. MENDEZ: I suppose so, but her house is way out in the suburbs. There won’t be many people to share a cup of coffee with out there.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (ENTERS, pushing MR. TAGLIATELLI’S cart, which is full of fruits and vegetables.) Apples for sale! And nice fresh lettuce! Apples for sale!
MR. FINEBURG: Mrs. Moscavitz, I see you have already started a new business venture.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Of course. I bought Tagliatelli’s cart yesterday. What would people do without my fresh fruit and vegetables? (Sees HOUDINI sitting in his trunk.) Harry, what are you doing sitting in your trunk like that?
MR. HOUDINI: As you know, Mrs. Moscavitz, it is not Harry but the Great Houdini. And I am not just sitting in this trunk, I am chained to it.
OLD LADY LUTZ: (Looks out her upstairs window.) He’s been there all day. Such silliness!
MRS. MENDEZ: (Goes over to HOUDINI.) Harry, I mean the Great Houdini, has chained himself to his trunk, and he’s chained the trunk to his emporium.
MR. HOUDINI: I, of course, could extricate myself in seconds, but that villain Guy Jantic will never be able to pry me loose. He shall have to admit defeat and leave my emporium and the rest of the neighborhood alone!
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Houdini, a few chains aren’t going to keep Jantic from bulldozing our street. If he has to, he’ll pick up your emporium with you in it!
MR. HOUDINI: He wouldn’t dare!JENNY: (ENTERS with her backpack and laptop bag.) I’ve gotten
everything packed up, Mr. Fineburg. I want to thank you for renting me that room. It was so nice of you.
MR. FINEBURG: Don’t thank me, Jenny. I wish I could have had you here much longer.
JENNY: So do I, but my guess is that Mr. Jantic will be evicting us all before the week is out. (More people come ON with boxes and suitcases.)
MR. O’BRIEN: (ENTERS, carrying a crate full of letters.) I have a delivery here for you, Mr. Fineburg.
MR. FINEBURG: For me?MR. O’BRIEN: (Goes to MR. FINEBURG and puts the box down in front
of him.) Yup. This entire box of mail is for you. You’re a popular man, Mr. Fineburg. There must be a thousand letters in here.
For preview only
6 31
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
JOSIE: Now she teaches acting in her apartment.JOE: Sort of teaches. She doesn’t get many students. I think she
scares them away when she starts making them believe they’re ice cream cones “melting slowly and desperately in the scorching, burning noon-day sun.” (Shudders.) It’s creepy!
MR. FINEBURG: (To MISS BOWMAN.) Of course I’ll watch Goldilocks for you, Miss Bowman. He can keep my parakeet, Petey, company.
JOSIE: (To AUDIENCE.) That’s Mr. Fineburg. He owns all the buildings here in the hood.
JOE: You’d never know it, though. He’s a really nice guy.JOSIE: Our mom says he’s a saint. He hasn’t raised the rents on any
of the buildings in over twenty years.JOE: And he’s always ready to help a guy out if he needs it. We call
him Mr. Fine most of the time. The name fits him. (JIMMY and SALLY ENTER excitedly and move to JOE and JOSIE. JIMMY has an old video camera. SALLY has a movie clapper.)
JIMMY: Look guys! Mr. Fine fixed the camera for me! It works great!SALLY: Jimmy’s going to make a documentary about our neighborhood.
(Proud.) I’m going to be his assistant director.JIMMY: (Focuses the camera on them.) Say something! You can be my
first interviews.JOE: Oh, great! Now we’re going to have him sticking that camera in
our faces every second!JOSIE: Why don’t you interview Mr. Fine? I’m sure he has lots of
interesting stories to tell.SALLY: You know, that’s a good idea, Jimmy. Mr. Fine has lived here
forever. (They move to MR. FINEBURG.)JIMMY: Hey, Mr. Fine, could you say something to the camera?SALLY: It’s for our documentary.MR. FINEBURG: That’s right, your documentary. Well, I suppose I can
say a word or two. What would you like to know?SALLY: Wait! I have to say “action” first. (Uses her movie clapper.) 3,
2, 1… action!JIMMY: (Filming.) Tell me about when you first came here, Mr. Fine.SALLY: What was it like back then?MR. FINEBURG: What was it like? Pretty much the same as now,
only a bit newer. My wife and I came to this neighborhood more than forty years ago. We bought that building I live in with some money my grandfather left me. Things were a lot cheaper back then. Eventually I made enough to buy the rest of the buildings
MRS. MENDEZ: They were good years.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Very good years. (EVERYONE sighs and EXITS.)TOMMY: (Watches everyone go.) Does this mean our lemonade
stand didn’t make enough money? But we made three dollars and thirteen cents! (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Eight
Scene NineLIGHTS UP. NEIGHBORS are carrying furniture, boxes, and suitcases from their homes. MR. FINEBURG sits on the stoop in front of his house. MRS. MENDEZ puts a “Closed” sign on her shop door. All of the produce in Mrs. Moscavitz’s market is gone. MR. HOUDINI sits in chains in his trunk. JOE, JOSIE, and the TEENS begin a slow, thoughtful beat.JOE: (Raps.) The next day came.JOSIE: (Raps.) And nothing had changed.ALL: (Rap.) Except for our hood,
Which was getting re-arranged. (TEENS slowly EXIT. MISS BOWMAN ENTERS, carrying a suitcase and her fishbowl.)
MR. FINEBURG: I see Goldilocks is making the move with you, Miss Bowman.
MISS BOWMAN: Of course. She’ll comfort me in this time of trial. (To Goldilocks.) Won’t you, little snookums?
MR. FINEBURG: Where will you be going, if I might ask?MISS BOWMAN: Of course you may ask, Mr. Fineburg. I have been
fortunate enough to secure a position at the RKO Keith’s Theater here in Queens. Of course, it’s a movie theater, and I’ll only be working as a cashier, but at least I’ll still be in show business.
MR. FINEBURG: That’s good. I know how much the business means to you.
MISS BOWMAN: Yes. And there’s a room upstairs I can rent. It’s an old vaudeville theater, you know. My room used to be an old dressing room. It even has a star on the door.
MR. FINEBURG: That’s wonderful. You deserve a star.MRS. MENDEZ: (Crosses to them.) Well, I’ve closed up the shop. I
wasn’t going to wait for that evil man to kick me out. It’s hard to believe I’ll never be making another cup of coffee there.
MR. FINEBURG: I heard you’ll be going to your sister’s, Mrs. Mendez.MRS. MENDEZ: Yes. The last of her children has just gotten married,
so she has a room available.MR. FINEBURG: It will be nice to be with family.
For preview only
730
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
on the block. And I rented them to people I cared for, people with good hearts. Everyone who lives in these buildings is my friend.
OLD LADY LUTZ: (From an upstairs window.) Moscavitz! That fruit you sold me yesterday is bad!
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Yesterday? I sold it to you ten days ago, you old bat! No wonder it went bad!
OLD LADY LUTZ: (Tosses a couple of bananas out the window.) Ha! That’s what I think of your fruit!
MR. FINEBURG: (Shakes his head and smiles.) Some friends are easier to get along with than others, but they’re all my friends here on this street. They’re all my friends. (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene One
Scene TwoLIGHTS UP. TEENS begin a beat with their plastic bucket drums, and JOSIE and JOE begin the rap.JOSIE: (Raps.) Now you’ve met the people living on our street.JOE: (Raps.) But there’s still one to go,
One more for you to meet.BOYS: (Raps.) She came one afternoon,
When the day was done.GIRLS: (Raps.) She’d have a lot to do
With what was still to come! (TEENS, JOSIE, and JOE EXIT.)MR. HOUDINI: (Waddles IN, totally encased in large chains. MRS.
MENDEZ follows him ON.) I’m totally capable of getting out of these chains by myself. I am, after all, the long lost son of the Great Houdini!
MRS. MENDEZ: I know you are, Harry, but you’ve been wrapped up in those chains all afternoon.
MR. HOUDINI: Mrs. Mendez, I’ve told you over and over again. When I am in the midst of an escape, you are not to refer to me as Harry, but as the Great Houdini!
MRS. MENDEZ: Yes. I’m sorry, but wouldn’t you like just a little help to get out of those things? Then we can sit down and have a nice cup of tea. I even have some of those cinnamon buns you like so much.
MR. HOUDINI: (Tempted.) Cinnamon buns? (Resists.) No! (Waddles away.) If I let you help me escape from these chains, no one will ever have faith in the Great Houdini again!
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (ENTERS, angry. Approaches MR. HOUDINI, waving a zucchini at him.) Houdini! Look at this zucchini! Look at it!
MRS. MENDEZ: I guess we better start thinking about what we’re going to do next.
NAOMI’S MOM: This is the only home my children have ever known.MISS BOWMAN: What will happen to all my lovely little students?JOSIE: I’m going to miss hanging out here in the street.JOE: Playing our drums…RICO: Shooting hoops…OLD LADY LUTZ: I’m going to miss looking out my window and seeing
what all you young scallywags are up to.SHADES: I knew you liked us.OLD LADY LUTZ: Hmph!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: I’m going to miss hearing you complain about
my broccoli.OLD LADY LUTZ: It gives me gas.MRS. MENDEZ: 159th Street. I’ve had my shop here for over
thirty years.MR. HOUDINI: I remember when you opened. I could smell your
cinnamon buns from all the way down the street.MRS. MENDEZ: You certainly ate enough of them over the years.JOSIE: Joe, do you remember when we set up the carnival right here
on the street?JOE: And Jimmy cried because he couldn’t hit the target with the
bean bag!JIMMY: (Defensive.) I was just a little kid then!KEISHA: How about the time when we were playing stickball and
Jackie hit the ball right through Mrs. Moscavitz’s store window?DONNA: I never saw him run so fast!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: That’s when he first started working in my store—
to pay for that window.JACKIE: I remember how scared I was when I finally got up the nerve
to confess to you.MARY: Do you remember when Mrs. Mendez had a fire in her kitchen,
and we all helped her repaint?MALCOLM: Or the time we had our own Thanksgiving Day parade?SALLY: I got dressed up as Pocahontas.MR. FINEBURG: So many memories. I think what I’ll always remember
most is sitting here on the stoop and passing the day with all of you, with all of my friends.
JIMMY: I’ll give you a copy of my film to remember everyone by.
For preview only
8 29
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
MR. HOUDINI: What about it? It’s a zucchini.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: It’s a bruised and ruined zucchini, just like every
other one in the box you knocked over when you were getting that ridiculous chain out of my storeroom.
MR. HOUDINI: Ridiculous chain! This chain is part of one of my great escapes!
MRS. MENDEZ: Harry, settle down. We’re sorry, Mrs. Moscavitz, Harry was just—
MR. HOUDINI: How many times do I have to tell you, Mrs. Mendez? You’re to call me the Great Houdini!
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: The Great Houdini! The Great Houdini! I’m sick of hearing about this Great Houdini!
MR. HOUDINI: What? How dare you! You… you… you grocer!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Yes, I’m a grocer! And you’re a junk shop owner,
mister, that’s what you are!MR. HOUDINI: It is not a shop, it’s an emporium!MRS. MENDEZ: Mrs. Moscavitz, maybe we could—MRS. MOSCAVITZ: And stop pretending you’re the son of some great
magician who died a hundred years ago!MR. HOUDINI: Pretend? Pretend! She says I’m pretending!NAOMI’S MOM: (From the window.) Would you keep it quiet down
there? You’re going to wake up my baby!MR. HOUDINI: (To MRS. MOSCAVITZ.) I’ll have you know, madam, that
I can—MRS. MOSCAVITZ: You can wrap yourself in chains and waddle
around like a duck! This zucchini has more talent than you!OLD LADY LUTZ: (From her window.) Would you stop that racket? I
can’t hear my TV shows!MRS. MENDEZ: Mrs. Moscavitz, I don’t think—MR. FINEBURG: (ENTERS, sees the commotion, and crosses to them.)
You know, Mrs. Moscavitz, that’s a very fine zucchini you have there. I thought I’d buy some for dinner tonight. Could you help me with that?
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Of course, Mr. Fineburg. I think I can find some that haven’t been too badly bruised by this junk shop owner here.
MR. HOUDINI: It’s an emporium!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (To MR. FINEBURG.) Come along to my store.
(Goes to her store and EXITS.)
JOE: We must have washed over a hundred cars this week!MR. FINEBURG: Yes, you children worked very hard. And you did a
good job too. I was wishing I had a car just so you could wash it!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: So what’s the verdict? Did we raise enough to pay
off the tax man?KEISHA: We must have.SHADES: Look at all that cash!NAOMI: It’s a fortune!JENNY: It comes to 852 dollars and 26 cents.JACKIE: 852 dollars and 26 cents!JIMMY/SALLY: Wow!MALCOLM: Amazing!JOE: So it’s enough, right?JOSIE: You’ll be able to pay the bill with that, won’t you? (EVERYONE
looks expectantly at MR. FINEBURG.)MR. FINEBURG: I’m sorry, my friends, but I owe much more than that.
You did your best, and I am very grateful, but—GUY JANTIC: (ENTERS, laughing, with his GOONS.) I thought you’d be
here, counting the earnings from your feeble attempts at fundraising!MR. FINEBURG: Mr. Jantic, I don’t think this is the time to—GUY JANTIC: Don’t you know that you can’t fight the world of high
finance with money made from bake sales, car washes, and cheap little drama skits?
MISS BOWMAN: Cheap little drama skits? You sleazy con man! I ought to— (She’s about to punch him as JENNY grabs her arm.)
JENNY: Don’t waste your time on him, Miss Bowman. He’s not worth it.GUY JANTIC: On the contrary, miss. I’m very much worth it. In fact,
I’m worth a lot more than all of you combined! And I’ll be worth even more than that after I tear this neighborhood down and build my lovely, lovely parking garage! (Laughs and EXITS, his GOONS following him OFF.)
MISS BOWMAN: You should have let me hit him, Jenny. He deserves a bloody nose.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: I agree with you there.MALCOLM: Does this mean we’ve lost?NAOMI: There’s nothing more we can do?MR. FINEBURG: I’m afraid so. I don’t see any way I can pay my tax bill
by the day after tomorrow.MR. HOUDINI: This may be a fix even the Great Houdini cannot
escape from.
For preview only
928
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
MR. FINEBURG: Mr. Houdini, you know I saw your father do that trick on an old news reel. It looks very difficult, but I’m sure you’ll master it. (EXITS into Mrs. Moscavitz’s store.)
MR. HOUDINI: Thank you, Mr. Fineburg. (Loudly so MRS. MOSCAVITZ can hear.) At least somebody in this neighborhood appreciates my ancestry. Now, I’m going back to my emporium and… and I’m going to relax a bit before I perform my great escape. (Waddles OFF into his store.)
MRS. MENDEZ: (Shakes her head.) Poor Mr. Houdini. He tries so hard.JENNY: (ENTERS carrying a suitcase, a backpack, and a laptop bag.
Moves to MRS. MENDEZ.) Excuse me, I’m looking for a Mr. Fineburg. Do you happen to know where I can find him?
MRS. MENDEZ: Mr. Fineburg? Of course. He just went over to Mrs. Moscavitz’s market to buy some zucchini. (MR. FINEBURG RE-ENTERS with a bag of zucchini.) See, there he is.
JENNY: Thank you.MRS. MENDEZ: Think nothing of it, miss. And if you’re hungry after
seeing Mr. Fineburg, come into my coffee shop for a bite to eat. You look like you could put some meat on those bones. (EXITS.)
JENNY: (Crosses to MR. FINEBURG.) Mr. Fineburg?MR. FINEBURG: Hello, young lady.JENNY: Hello, sir. I read that you had a room for rent in your
apartment building.MR. FINEBURG: Yes, I do. Come over here, and we’ll sit down and talk
about it. (They move to the bench STAGE RIGHT and sit.)MR. FINEBURG: So, you need a room?JENNY: Yes, sir. I was sharing an apartment for a while with a friend,
but she’s moved out, and the rent’s a thousand dollars a month so I really can’t afford it on my own. I… well, I just lost my job, so—
MR. FINEBURG: I understand. What are you going to do now without a job?
JENNY: Well, I thought… that is… I mean… I’m good with computers, so I’m hoping to, I don’t know, go into internet marketing or something like that.
MR. FINEBURG: Internet marketing? You’ve lost me already, young lady, but I do have a room for you. I advertised it for $400 a month.
JENNY: I know, and I wanted to ask about that.MR. FINEBURG: That’s too much, isn’t it?JENNY: No, no, not at all! It’s very generous, far below market rate. I
just wanted to ask how much—
RICO: The more chance we have of defeating Guy Jantic! (ALL cheer, TEENS wash cars again and pick up the drumbeat again as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Seven
Scene EightLIGHTS UP. JOE, JOSIE, and the TEENS are CENTER STAGE with their drums. MR. FINEBURG and OTHER NEIGHBORS gather around Mr. Fineburg’s stoop. TEENS pick up a beat.JOSIE: (Raps.) A week went by.JOE: (Raps.) Then, ten days passed.ALL: (Rap.) And we kept working to raise the cash.
Yeah, we kept working to raise the cash.JOSIE: (Raps.) When we had just a few days more,ALL: (Rap.) We met outside Mr. Fineburg’s door! (TEENS join the OTHERS.)MATTHEW: Here’s the money from our lemonade stand, Mr. Fineburg.VERONICA: We made three dollars!MARIA: And thirteen cents!MR. FINEBURG: (Takes the money.) So much! How wonderful!MRS. MENDEZ: (Hands MR. FINEBURG an envelope.) And here’s the
money we made on the bake sale. I think we did really well.MR. FINEBURG: Thank you so much, Mrs. Mendez. Here, Jenny, you
can be my banker. (Passes the envelope to JENNY, who opens it, counts the money, and records it in a notebook.)
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: My apple strudel was, of course, the biggest seller.OLD LADY LUTZ: (Hurt.) No one wanted my gingersnap cookies.MR. FINEBURG: Oh, but I did, Mrs. Lutz. I bought a dozen of them.
They were delicious!OLD LADY LUTZ: (Pleased.) Really? Thank you. I always use the
best ginger.MISS BOWMAN: Enough talk about cookies! Here is the money Mr.
Houdini and I raised from our show. (Hands her envelope to JENNY.) My interpretation of Lady Macbeth was acclaimed by all!
SHADES: And people paid extra to watch Mr. Houdini being cut out of all that duct tape.
MR. HOUDINI: I could have escaped from that myself. No one ever seems to understand how we magicians use suspense to heighten the effect of an escape.
JOSIE: Here’s the money we made on the car wash. (Hands the money to JENNY.)
For preview only
10 27
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
MR. FINEBURG: Nonsense! It’s too much for a young lady who has just lost her job. Let’s make it $250 a month.
JENNY: Really? That’s so wonderful! I don’t know what to say.MR. FINEBURG: Don’t say anything. Just move in and you can start
doing that internet thing you do. Come on, I’ll show you your new place. (Stands and starts toward the apartment building.)
JENNY: (Follows him.) But I… the thing is… I don’t have money to pay a security deposit.
MR. FINEBURG: Deposit? What deposit? I never heard of such a thing! Come on. Your place is just upstairs on the second floor. (They EXIT to the apartment building.)
JOSIE: (ENTERS.) That’s Mr. Fineburg for you. From what I hear, he’s barely making ends meet, yet he practically gives away a room to rent just because somebody lost her job. He’s a good man, a really good man. That’s why we call him Mr. Fine! (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Two
Scene ThreeLIGHTS UP. JOE and JOSIE sit, beatboxing and drumming with the other TEENS. They play a few beats and then MR. TAGLIATELLI ENTERS with his cart, which now has “Hot Dogs” crossed out and says “Ice Cream” underneath.MR. TAGLIATELLI: Ice cream! Come get your ice cream! Nice cold ice
cream! (Looks around expectantly and sighs when no one comes.) Ice cream! Come get your ice cream! (EXITS.)
JOSIE: (To AUDIENCE.) Mr. Tagliatelli switched to selling ice cream.JOE: No one wanted his hot dogs. They were terrible. (TEENS pick up
their beat again.)JOSIE: (Raps.) The people in the hood,
The people on our block,We were tight like family,As solid as a rock.
JOE: (Raps.) One day, a man arrived with a briefcase and a suit.Ms. Moscavitz was sure he had the cash to buy some fruit.
ALL: (Rap.) But little did we know, as we were sittin’ here a-drumming,That life was going to change, that bad news was a-comin’! (JOSIE goes to the bench DOWN RIGHT and begins to read. TEENS EXIT to the drum beat. As they go, they circle around IRS MAN, who ENTERS with a briefcase. He is clearly annoyed about the TEENS brushing by him and takes out a handkerchief to brush himself off. He then takes out a paper and checks the numbers on the buildings. He
JIMMY: It’s already gotten over 400,000 hits!SALLY: Show them, Jenny.JENNY: Okay. (Sits on the bench.) Gather around, everyone. (OTHERS
gather around her as she opens the computer.)KEISHA: Look! There we are dancing!DONNA: And there’s me beating Rico in basketball!RICO: (Grimaces.) Oh, no.SHADES: (To RICO.) I told you, man. Don’t ever get filmed playing
against a girl.DONNA: There’s Miss Bowman (Mispronounces it.) doing her
acting class!JOE: (Corrects her.) It’s Miss Bowman.JOSIE: Oh, my gosh. There’s Mr. Houdini in his straitjacket!JIMMY: Now, watch. This is where that Guy Jantic guy comes in with
all his assistants.SALLY: Doesn’t he look mean?JOE: Mrs. Moscavitz looks like she’s going to bop him on the head
with that stalk of broccoli.JOSIE: And Mr. Fineburg looks so sad.JENNY: (Closes the computer.) That’s the end of that clip, but I put
a bunch more on showing the way Jantic has been devastating neighborhoods all over the city.
JOE: You mean we’re not the only neighborhood he’s tried to buy?JENNY: No. He’s a vulture going after any buildings he thinks he can
get cheap.JIMMY: Jenny put my film up on her Facebook page, too.SALLY: And so did her friends, who have friends, who have
more friends!JENNY: It’s been getting talked about a lot on Twitter, too. I thought
about setting up a GoFundMe page, but Mr. Fineburg didn’t want to ask total strangers for money online. Still, if we can’t raise enough money with our own fundraising to stop Jantic from taking over, at least we can make people see what a creep he is.
JOE: Down with the rat Guy Jantic!ALL: (Chant.) Down with Guy Jantic! Down with Guy Jantic! (SOUND
EFFECT: CAR HONKS.)WOMAN: (ENTERS.) Am I too late for the car wash?JOSIE: Car wash? Of course not.DONNA: The more cars we wash—
For preview only
1126
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
goes to Mr. Fineburg’s stoop and knocks on the door. As he waits, MRS. MOSCAVITZ ENTERS and puts more fruit on her stand.)
IRS MAN: (Crosses to her.) Good afternoon, madam. I wonder if you could help me.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Of course. You look like you need a good piece of fruit. I would especially recommend the apples. They’re fresh from the farm in Jersey.
IRS MAN: No, no thank you. I just need some information.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Information? Well, some information I got. Some
maybe not.IRS MAN: I’m looking for a Mr. Fineburg. I knocked on his door, but
there was no answer. Do you happen to know where he is?MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Of course, I know that. It’s two o’clock. Mr.
Fineburg always goes out for a walk at two o’clock. He should be back in an hour or so.
IRS MAN: Hmmm. Well, I guess I could make a few other stops and then come back. Thank you, madam. (EXITS.)
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (Calls after him.) The oranges are very good too. They’re from California. (Shrugs and goes back to arranging her fruits and vegetables. MISS BOWMAN ENTERS.)
JOSIE: How did that audition go the other day, Miss Bowman?MISS BOWMAN: Ah, Josephine, people have no appreciation for true
talent anymore. The director had the nerve to interrupt me in the middle of my monologue. Can you imagine? Right in the middle of it! The audacity of him! He said I was overacting. Me, overacting! I can barely breathe just thinking of it! I tell you, Josie, I would not work for that man if it he was the last director on earth. (EXITS in a huff. JOSIE shrugs and goes back to her book. MRS. MOSCAVITZ EXITS into her store.)
MR. HOUDINI: (ENTERS with JIMMY and SALLY.) I think you should begin your film with me, the Great Houdini, artfully escaping from my illustrious father’s trunk. You can focus on the trunk as the lid slowly begins to open, and then… ta-da! There I am, before the eyes of the world, standing tall in all my glory! The Great Houdini, victorious again! (Business-like.) Now, which do you think is the best angle to film me from? The left or the right? I rather like my right side, but my left is very photogenic as well. (Poses.) I could turn this way as I emerge from the trunk.
JIMMY: I don’t know, Mr. Houdini. I’ve heard you’ve had a little trouble getting out of that trunk.
SALLY: Do you have any other trick that might work better?
sweeten this little hand. Oh, oh, oh! Wash your hands, put on your nightgown. Look not so pale. I tell you yet again, Banquo’s buried. He cannot come out of his grave. To bed, to bed! There’s knocking at the gate. Come, come, come, come, give me your hand. What’s done cannot be undone. To bed, to bed, to bed! (Staggers OFF, presumably on the way to bed.)
JOE: (To AUDIENCE.) I’d like to go to bed myself. That was so boring she almost put me to sleep.
JOSIE: (Scowls at JOE. To AUDIENCE.) And Mr. Houdini attempted his greatest escape ever, to the delight of his audiences. (MALCOLM, SHADES, and MARY run ON, carrying MR. HOUDINI, who is completely wrapped in duct tape, with only his head visible. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.])
SHADES: Clear the way! Clear the way!MARY: We have to get Mr. Houdini out of this duct tape.MALCOLM: He’s been wrapped in it for hours!MR. HOUDINI: I’m all right! I can do it myself!MRS. MENDEZ: (Runs ON.) Bring him to my shop. I have good scissors
we can use.MR. HOUDINI: Put me down! No duct tape ever defeated me! I am the
Great Houdini! (MALCOLM, SHADES, and MARY carry MR. HOUDINI OFF, following MRS. MENDEZ.)
JOE: (Shrugs.) And for our contribution to the fundraiser, our crew…JOSIE: …had a carwash! (TEENS run ON with rags and buckets.
Some have their drums and start a beat as the others frantically pantomime washing cars to an ever faster drumbeat. After a while, the drum beat stops and they take a break exhausted.)
DONNA: What do ya think, guys?KEISHA: Well, the cars keep coming.RICO: And we keep raking in the bucks.JACKIE: I hope it will be enough.MALCOLM: Me too. I heard Mr. Fineburg owes a ton of money.NAOMI: (Slumps down, exhausted.) I never want to see a wet wash
rag again.MARY: Me either. My hands look like wrinkled old prunes.SHADES: So does your face, Mary. (MARY swats him with her rag.
JIMMY, SALLY, and JENNY run ON. JENNY has her laptop.)JIMMY: Everyone! You’ve got to see this!SALLY: Jenny put Jimmy’s film about our neighborhood and Mr. Guy
Jantic on YouTube!
For preview only
12 25
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
MR. HOUDINI: Trouble? Trouble getting out of my trunk? Nonsense! (Thinks.) However, I do have a straitjacket bequeathed to me by a close friend of my father’s, the celebrated magician, Merlin the Magnificent! It’s somewhere back in my emporium. I’ll go look for it. (EXITS to his store.)
JIMMY: (Sits with JOSIE on the bench.) I’ve been getting some really good footage for my documentary, Josie.
SALLY: That’s what we film people call it. Footage. (NAOMI, DONNA, KEISHA, and MARY ENTER with an mp3 player. They see JOSIE, JIMMY, and SALLY.)
DONNA: Hey, Josie, we finished the moves for the dance number we were working on for the talent show.
KEISHA: It’s awesome!MARY: I finally learned that turn I could never do.NAOMI: Jimmy, you’ve got to film us doing it!JIMMY: Okay. I have to wait for Mr. Houdini to find his straitjacket, so
I might as well film your act in the meantime.MARY: Look at these bracelets, Josie. Naomi’s mom made them
for us.JOSIE: Wow! These are really cool!DONNA: Stand on the bench, Jimmy, and shoot us from there. That
way I think you’ll get us all in.SALLY: She’s right, Jimmy. That would be a very good camera angle.KEISHA: Are you ready?JIMMY: I am.NAOMI: Just a sec. (Turns on the music.) Okay, here we go! (SOUND
EFFECT: DANCE MUSIC.)SALLY: (With her movie clapper.) 3… 2… 1… action! (The GIRLS dance.
RICO, MALCOLM, JACKIE, and SHADES ENTER during the number.)JOE: Whoa! What are you filming, Jimmy? March of the Penguins?MALCOLM: Or maybe Invasion of the Killer Tomatoes?RICO: How about Zombie Girls Rise Again?JOSIE: Stop the music! (NAOMI turns off the music. MUSIC OUT. To the
boys.) You guys think you’re so funny.DONNA: Yeah, like my dad says, you’re about as funny as a corpse in
the living room.JACKIE: Sorry, but it’s kind of hard to be serious watching you girls
do your thing.KEISHA: We’re a lot better doing “our thing” than you guys are at
doing anything!
ALL: (Rap.) So we never took a minute to pause.No, we never took a minute to pause.We just kept working, working, working for the cause! (JOE and JOSIE cross to Mrs. Moscavitz’s market. Other TEENS EXIT with their drums.)
JOE: (To AUDIENCE.) The hood was in an uproar trying to raise the money to pay Mr. Fineburg’s taxes.
JOSIE: (To AUDIENCE.) Mrs. Moscavitz and Mrs. Mendez organized a wonderful bake sale.
CUSTOMER ONE: I’ll take these cupcakes.CUSTOMER TWO: How much for these blueberry muffins?CUSTOMER THREE: This apple pie looks delicious.OLD LADY LUTZ: Doesn’t anyone want my gingersnap cookies?JOE: (Turns to the KIDS.) The little kids in the neighborhood set up a
lemonade stand.AMY: Lemonade for sale!MATTHEW: Fifteen cents a cup!TOMMY: We’ve even got ice! (BOBBY takes a big sip of lemonade.)MATTHEW: Bobby, stop drinking that lemonade!VERONICA: There won’t be any left to sell!BOBBY: I’m not drinking it. I’m just tasting it!MARIA: Oh, yeah? That’s the third cup you’ve tasted!BOBBY: Is not!MATTHEW: Is too!AMY: Lemonade for sale!MATTHEW: Fifteen cents a cup!TOMMY: We’ve even got ice! (MISS BOWMAN ENTERS grandly. She’s
dressed in a long white nightgown and crosses DOWN CENTER. MRS. MOSCAVITZ, MRS. MENDEZ, OLD LADY LUTZ, CUSTOMERS, and KIDS EXIT.)
JOSIE: Miss Bowman turned our street into a Shakespearean stage.MISS BOWMAN: (Snaps her fingers and TEENS run ON. They place
a crate DOWN CENTER and EXIT. Clears her throat and stands on the crate.) Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am so glad you could come here tonight to witness my tour de force delivery of Lady Macbeth’s famous sleepwalking scene. (Sits on the crate and takes a deep breath before beginning. Her interpretation of the monologue is, of course, overly melodramatic.) What, will these hands ne’er be clean? (Stands and walks forward.) There’s the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not
For preview only
1324
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
SHADES: I kind of doubt that.NAOMI: Yeah? Well, I heard Donna beat Rico shooting hoops the
other day.RICO: She didn’t beat me!JIMMY: (Still filming.) Actually, I think she did, Rico.SALLY: Jimmy has it on film.SHADES: (To RICO.) Ouch! Bad choice, man. You don’t let anyone film
you playing against a girl.RICO: She was just lucky, and… and I had a sore hand.DONNA: Yeah, right!OLD LADY LUTZ: (ENTERS.) What are all you young people doing
hanging around the street? Shouldn’t you be in school?MARY: It’s Saturday, Mrs. Lutz.OLD LADY LUTZ: Saturday, you say? Well, then you should be home
helping your mothers do the laundry. Kids today! They’re just spoiled, that’s what they are. (EXITS.)
MR. HOUDINI: (Runs IN wearing a straitjacket.) I found the straitjacket!SHADES: Whoa! That is one cool jacket, Mr. Houdini!JACKIE: Is this going to be one of your new escapes?MALCOLM: That looks impossible to get out of.MR. HOUDINI: Nothing is impossible for the Great Houdini! I shall
extricate myself from this straitjacket in less than ten seconds! Jimmy, if you would start filming, please.
JIMMY: Right, Mr. Houdini!SALLY: (With her movie clapper.) 3… 2… 1… action! (TEENS start
clapping and counting down from ten. MR. HOUDINI tries to escape.)IRS MAN: (ENTERS.) Excuse me… (Louder.) Excuse me… (Shouts.)
Excuse me! (OTHERS stop and look at him.) Thank you. I’m looking for a Mr. Albert Fineburg. Can anyone tell me where he is? (EVERYONE looks toward MR. FINEBURG, who ENTERS with MRS. MENDEZ.)
MR. FINEBURG: I’m Albert Fineburg.IRS MAN: (Crosses to MR. FINEBURG.) Hello, Mr. Fineburg. I’m Mr.
Jackson, from the Internal Revenue Service.OTHERS: (Whisper, ad-lib.) The IRS. He’s with the IRS. (Etc.)MR. FINEBURG: Mr. Jackson? How do you do, sir? (Offers a handshake.)IRS MAN: (Ignores the offer and looks around at all the OTHERS.)
Could we go somewhere private where we can speak? I have some papers to go over with you.
DONNA: Everyone volunteering for the car wash, meet at my house in an hour.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: And I want to see some baked goods in my shop by tomorrow morning.
MISS BOWMAN: (To HOUDINI as they EXIT.) I think I’ll present my Lady Macbeth monologue. I’ve been told it’s a tour de force!
MR. HOUDINI: I’m thinking of using duct tape, a straitjacket, and maybe an enormous vat of water for my greatest escape of all time! (They’re OFF. OTHER NEIGHBORS continue to EXIT until only MR. FINEBURG, JENNY, JIMMY, and SALLY remain ONSTAGE.)
MR. FINEBURG: I hope this works. Everyone is being so nice.JENNY: Of course they’re being nice. We all love you, and we love
our neighborhood.JIMMY: Jenny, I filmed everything—the whole thing with Mr. Guy Jantic
and also our meeting just now.SALLY: We were thinking that maybe we could have a screening of it
for all the rest of the neighborhood.JIMMY: It might give everyone extra motivation to raise that money.JENNY: I don’t think anyone needs motivation for this project, but
there is one way we can use your film to teach that Guy Jantic a thing or two. Come on up to my apartment, and let’s see what we can do with that film. (JENNY, JIMMY, and SALLY EXIT.)
MR. FINEBURG: (Slumps down onto the bench, shaking his head.) Why did I have to be such a silly old man?!
MR. TAGLIATELLI: (ENTERS with his cart, this time with a “For Sale” sign on it.) Cart for sale! I got a cart for sale! Cart for sale! (Looks around sadly, sighs, and moves along.) Cart for sale! I got a cart for sale! (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Six
Scene SevenLIGHTS UP. JOSIE, JOE, and the TEENS are DOWNSTAGE. MRS. MOSCAVITZ and MRS. MENDEZ are at Mrs. Moscavitz’s market assisting OLD LADY LUTZ and some CUSTOMERS with several baked goods. The KIDS stand around a lemonade stand. TEENS begin a beat.JOSIE: (Raps.) We started fundraising.JOE: (Raps.) And it was amazing!ALL: (Rap.) How we all pulled together for the cause!JOSIE: (Raps.) We had to work fast!JOE: (Raps.) ’Cause time can pass!
For preview only
14 23
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
MR. FINEBURG: Somewhere private? (Puzzled.) Oh, of course. Come to my apartment. We could have some tea. (Starts to lead the way.)
IRS MAN: (As they go, looking around at the neighborhood.) I’m not surprised at the news I have for you, Mr. Fineburg, seeing what kind of madhouse you live in. (EXITS with MR. FINEBURG.)
JOSIE: What could that IRS man want with Mr. Fineburg?MRS. MENDEZ: I hope he’s not in any trouble.JACKIE: Maybe he just forgot to put the stamp on his tax return.NAOMI: Yeah, I’ve heard people have done that. (ALL, except for MR.
HOUDINI, gather in groups and EXIT, talking amongst themselves.)MR. HOUDINI: Where are you all going? I haven’t completed my
great escape yet! I shall conquer this straitjacket in less than ten seconds, do you hear me? I shall break all records escaping from this jacket! I shall astound the world with my dexterity and finesse! I am the greatest escape artist of all time! Even greater than my father! I am the Great Houdini! (BLACKOUT.)
End of Scene Three
Scene FourLIGHTS UP. JOE, JOSIE, and the other TEENS ENTER and begin another beat.JOE: (Raps.) The man from the IRS didn’t digress,JOSIE: (Raps.) When he sat at the table that day.ALL: (Rap.) He had papers to sign for old Mr. Fine,
For a bill that he just couldn’t pay.Yeah, he had papers to sign for old Mr. Fine,For a bill that he just couldn’t pay. (ALL EXIT. JENNY ENTERS and sits on the stoop to work on her laptop. MRS. MOSCAVITZ ENTERS and adds more fruit on her stand. MR. TAGLIATELLI ENTERS with his cart bearing a new sign that has “Hot Dogs” and “Ice Cream” crossed out and “Popcorn” written underneath.)
MR. TAGLIATELLI: Popcorn! Come get your popcorn! Fresh popped popcorn! (Looks around expectantly and sighs when no one comes.) Popcorn! Come get your popcorn! (EXITS.)
JENNY: (Watches him go.) Poor Mr. Tagliatelli. He can’t seem to sell anything from that cart.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Of course he can’t! Popcorn, ice cream, hot dogs… who wants to eat such garbage? Fresh fruit and vegetables—that’s what he should be selling. (EXITS into her shop. JENNY continues her work.)
JOE: (Jumps up next to JOSIE.) We’re not going to let you tear down Mrs. Moscavitz’s fruit market or Mrs. Mendez’s coffee shop!
ALL: No way!JOSIE: We’re not going to let you take away Mr. Houdini’s store!MR. HOUDINI: It’s an emporium!JOSIE: Or Miss Bowman’s acting class!ALL: No way!JOE: We’re not going to let you steal Mr. Fineburg’s land and destroy
our neighborhood!ALL: No! No! No way!JOSIE: In short, Mr. Guy Jantic, we’re not going to let you build a
parking lot!ALL: (Chant as they face front and march around the stage. The TEENS
pick up the beat with their drums.) No, no, no way!We will notLet you build a parking lot!No, no, no way!We will notLet you build a parking lot!We will notLet you build a parking lot!We will notLet you build a parking lot!
JENNY: (Grabs a crate, sets it CENTER STAGE, and stands on it.) Okay, okay. Everyone settle down now. We need to do more than just yell about this. We need a plan. We need to figure out a way to raise the money to pay Mr. Fineburg’s taxes before the Guy Jantic sale becomes final. Does anyone have any ideas for raising money?
MRS. MENDEZ: Mrs. Moscavitz and I will have a bake sale.NAOMI’S MOM: I’ll make some cupcakes for that!OLD LADY LUTZ: And everyone loves my gingersnap cookies. We’ll
sell a slew of them!MISS BOWMAN: Mr. Houdini and I will stage a wonderful extravaganza!
With my acting prowess and his magic, we’ll sell out every night!MR. HOUDINI: I’ll introduce my newest escape. It will be stupendous!NAOMI: And we’ll have a car wash!MALCOLM: Yeah, that always brings in some cash!JENNY: This is wonderful. Everyone start making your plans. We don’t
have any time to waste! (The NEIGHBORS start to busy themselves, some EXIT.)
For preview only
1522
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
MR. FINEBURG: (ENTERS with a brown bag and crosses to JENNY.) Look at you typing away on that thing. You must have gone to school for a long time to be able work on it like that.
JENNY: Computers really aren’t that hard to use, Mr. Fineburg. I could teach you.
MR. FINEBURG: Me? Use a computer? No, no. Those things scare the daylights out of me, Jenny. Give me a number two pencil and a simple sheet of paper any day. (Slowly sits and sighs.) Oh me, oh my!
JENNY: You seem sad today, Mr. Fineburg. Is it something to do with that man who visited yesterday?
MR. FINEBURG: Ah, Jenny, your old friend has been a very silly man.JENNY: What do you mean? What’s wrong?MR. FINEBURG: Nothing, young lady, nothing. It will all work itself
out in the end, I’m sure. (Gets up.) Now you just finish what you’re doing. I have to go up and feed my little Petey this bird seed I just bought. He’s a very particular parakeet—will only eat these seeds I get from Dorfman’s down on 43rd Avenue.
JENNY: Okay, Mr. Fineburg. See you later. Maybe we could play some chess this afternoon. I’ve been practicing.
MR. FINEBURG: That would be nice, Jenny. That would be very nice. (EXITS. JENNY looks after him, worried. MR. HOUDINI ENTERS, still struggling to get out of the straitjacket.)
JENNY: (Crosses to him.) Would you like me to help you get out of that, Mr. Houdini?
MR. HOUDINI: Help? Of course not! The Great Houdini doesn’t need any help getting out of a simple straitjacket!
MRS. MENDEZ: (ENTERS from her coffee shop.) See if you can talk some sense into him, Jenny. He won’t listen to me.
MR. HOUDINI: I have already told you, woman, the Great Houdini needs no help escaping from a straitjacket! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some things to attend to in my emporium. (EXITS into his emporium.)
MRS. MENDEZ: He’ll have to give in eventually. He’s been stuck in it since all that to-do yesterday afternoon. (Shakes her head and EXITS back into her shop. JENNY gets her computer and EXITS. MISS BOWMAN ENTERS with the KIDS. JIMMY and SALLY are with them, filming.)
MISS BOWMAN: Now, children, as I told you before, we will be filming this class so my unique methods of teaching the grand art of acting will be recorded for posterity.
ALL: (Rap.) It wasn’t right!We had to fight!So we gathered all around! (TEENS join the OTHERS to listen to MR. FINEBURG.)
MR. FINEBURG: (Stands.) I want to apologize to all of you for letting you down like I have.
MALCOLM: You haven’t let us down, Mr. Fine.JACKIE: You’ve always been our best friend. (EVERYONE cheers.)MR. FINEBURG: No, no. I don’t deserve your cheers. I have let
you down. I was having trouble paying the taxes on all these buildings, and rather than facing up to it and selling them to someone who could, I just kept putting it off, hoping things would work out in the end.
MISS BOWMAN: I, for one, would never want anyone else to own these buildings but you, Mr. Fineburg.
NAOMI’S MOM: Me either. Who else would be so understanding when we can’t pay the rent?
SALLY: Or when we need help with our homework?SHADES: That’s right. Mr. Fine rocks! (More cheers.)JENNY: I think what we need to do is assess the problem and see
if there is anything we can do to stop this guy from going on with his plans.
JOE: Right. That Guy Jantic creep has got to be stopped!JENNY: Has the sale of the land actually gone through yet, Mr.
Fineburg? Does Jantic actually own the property already?MR. FINEBURG: No. He just has the highest bid in on it. I have two
weeks to come up with the money, or he takes it over.JENNY: Then we just have to raise the money.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: I agree. We can’t let that Mr. Fancy Pants steal
our shops!MRS. JONES: Or our homes!MR. HOUDINI: Or my emporium!JENNY: We can do it if we all work together. That’s what community is
all about—people working together for a common goal.JOE: A bunch of little guys outsmarting the big guy.JOSIE: (Jumps to the top step of the stoop.) Forget your fancy parking
lot, Mr. Guy Jantic! We’re not going to let you bring your trucks and bulldozers here!
ALL: No way!
For preview only
16 21
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
AMY: What’s prosperity, Miss Bowman? (Pronounces it incorrectly.)MISS BOWMAN: It’s Miss Bowman, dear. And it’s not “prosperity,” it’s
“posterity.” That means that the generations which come after us will be able to look at this film and understand the unique genius I employed in passing on my acting techniques. (To JIMMY.) Focus on me during most of the filming, James. I am, after all, what this film is all about.
JIMMY: Whatever you say, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Now, children, spread out so you’ll have plenty of
room to work.BOBBY: Miss Bowman! Matthew is too close to me.MATTHEW: I am not. You’re in my space!MISS BOWMAN: Now, now, children. We don’t argue in acting class,
do we?KIDS: No, Miss Bowman.MATTHEW: But he’s in my space!BOBBY: Am not!MATTHEW: Are too! (JOE ENTERS and immediately starts to turn
around when he sees MISS BOWMAN. She grabs him before he can get far.)
MISS BOWMAN: Joseph, how fortuitous! You’re just in time to join in my acting class!
JOE: (Tries to escape.) Sorry, Miss Bowman, I can’t. I have to go and—MISS BOWMAN: Tut, tut, tut. Anything you have to do can wait. How
often do you get an opportunity to participate in one of my classes?JOE: But I’m kind of old for—MISS BOWMAN: No more talking! It is time to emote! (JOE shrugs.
He’s stuck. MISS BOWMAN begins her class. The KIDS try to follow her instructions with comical results.) Everyone imagine that you are an ice cream cone—cold, rich, and creamy with a lovely crisp and sugary cone. (KIDS “become” ice cream cones.)
JOE: (To AUDIENCE.) What did I tell you?MISS BOWMAN: Joseph! Focus, please! (Smiles and continues.)
You love being an ice cream cone! Think of what flavor you are. Chocolate? Strawberry? Or perhaps a tasty butter pecan!
AMY: I want to be chocolate!VERONICA: I’m strawberry!TOMMY: Miss Bowman!
the street with workers hurrying around with their briefcases in hand. (Indicates a different direction.) Look at the immense department stores with people coming and going, their bags filled with the latest gadgets and fashions. We are in an exciting city, my friends, a hustling, bustling, exciting city. It’s wonderful, wonderful! There is one fly in the ointment, though. One problem which all cities must face. It’s a terrible, terrible problem, which only men such as I, Guy Jantic, can solve. That problem, my friends, is parking.
JOSIE: I don’t think we’ve ever had much of a problem with parking. Not many of us even own a car.
GUY JANTIC: Ah, but you’re just a child. You have no understanding of how the world works. The need to find a parking place when there is none to be had is the most frustrating endeavor a man can face. It can turn normally pleasant individuals into raging beasts! It can, in truth, tear apart the very fabric of our society! But I, Guy Jantic, shall not let that happen. I, Guy Jantic, shall solve this terrible problem. I shall build a multi-level garage to house thousands of cars! It will have elevators, ramps, signs, and spaces painted in lovely yellow lines!
JOE: This guy is nuts.GUY JANTIC: People will come from miles around to park in my garage.
They will pay going in, they will pay going out, and all that money will be mine!
GOONS/MOODY: Hear, hear! Mr. Guy Jantic!GUY JANTIC: Well, I guess that does it for now. (To GOONS.) Let’s get
back to the office. We have a lot of work to do.GOONS/MOODY: Yes, sir! (EXIT with GUY JANTIC. The NEIGHBORS look
around in shock.)JOSIE: Mr. Fine, what’s going on here?JOE: Yeah, can that guy really do what he says?MR. FINEBURG: I’m afraid he can, Joe. I’m afraid he can. (LIGHTS
FADE to BLACK.)End of Scene Five
Scene SixLIGHTS UP. JOE, JOSIE, and the other TEENS are DOWN CENTER with their drums. The OTHER NEIGHBORS are gathered around MR. FINEBURG, who sits on his stoop.JOSIE/JOE: (Rap.) We were all in shock
To hear that our blockWas about to be torn down.
For preview only
1720
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
MISS BOWMAN: Not now, dear. Become that ice cream cone, children! Glory in your cold creaminess! Glory in it! (JOE sneaks OFF quietly when MISS BOWMAN isn’t looking.)
TOMMY: Miss Bowman!MISS BOWMAN: (Ignores TOMMY.) But, oh, what is this? It is beginning
to get warmer. You are starting to melt! (KIDS begin to “melt.”)MARIA: Oh, no!TOMMY: Miss Bowman?MISS BOWMAN: What is it, child?TOMMY: I have to go to the bathroom.MATTHEW: Ice cream cones can’t go to the bathroom. (The
OTHERS laugh.)MISS BOWMAN: Silence, children. Stay in your characters. That is
very important for an actor.TOMMY: I really, really have to go, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Oh, very well, but hurry back! (TOMMY scurries OFF.
To JIMMY.) Please cut that part out of your film, James.JIMMY: Sure thing, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Now where was I?VERONICA: We were melting, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Oh, yes! (KIDS continue “melting” to resemble puddles
on the ground.) Melt, children! Melt down the sides of your cone, which is becoming soggy and soft! Sink slowly to the ground, sink, sink! Close your eyes. All is black!
MARIA: (Stands.) Ice cream cones don’t have eyes.MISS BOWMAN: Melt! (MARIA quickly melts again. To ALL.) Now, you
are trapped in a tight, leathery shell. You are a butterfly in your cocoon ready to emerge! Push against the wall of that cocoon! Push! Push! Finally, you are out.
AMY: I can’t get out! My cocoon’s too hard!MATTHEW: So is mine!BOBBY: (TOMMY ENTERS.) Miss Bowman, Tommy just got back from
the bathroom.MISS BOWMAN: Focus, children. You must focus!VERONICA: My shoes are untied, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Fly into the sky! You feel free and happy! Flit through
the air! Flit, children! Flap those wings! But then… a storm comes up. You are tossed back and forth in the wind. Back and forth! Back and forth! What are you to do? What are you to do? You fall to the ground, your wings twisted and broken!
GUY JANTIC: Good. Have it all on my desk in the morning. I want to present it to the board of directors by the end of the week.
GOONS: Yes, sir!JENNY: (Crosses to GUY JANTIC.) Excuse me, but what is this all about?
Who are you, and why are you collecting all this data?GUY JANTIC: Who am I? My dear young lady, everyone knows who
I am.JOE: (Crosses with JOSIE.) Well, we don’t.JOSIE: So maybe you better tell us. (MOODY whispers to GUY JANTIC.)GUY JANTIC: (To MOODY.) What? Oh yes, of course. I forget sometimes
how clueless all these little people can be. (Turns to his GOONS.) Men, tell our little friends who I am.
GOONS: (Standing at attention.) Yes, sir!MOODY: This very important man is—GOONS: Mr. Guy Jantic, chairman of the board!JENNY: Mr. Guy Jantic?GUY JANTIC: That’s correct. I am Mr. Guy Jantic, and I am chairman
of the board of Twenty-First Century Enterprises!JENNY: Well, I’m Jenny Norton. I live in that building over there, and I
want to know—GUY JANTIC: Live in that building over there? Not for long, young
lady. You won’t be living in it for long. We’re going to be buying this entire block to put up our new twenty-first century multi-level, state-of-the-art parking lot.
JENNY: Your what?GUY JANTIC: (Rolls his eyes.) Oh, how I hate to repeat myself! Moody!MOODY: Our twenty-first century—GOONS: —multi-level, state-of-the-art parking lot.JOSIE: A parking lot?JOE: What are you talking about, a parking lot? This is our neighborhood.
We don’t need any parking lot here.GUY JANTIC: Don’t need a parking lot? My boy, how little you know!
How naïve you are! This so-called neighborhood of yours is a throwback to the old days. It needs to be torn down to make room for the future.
MRS. MENDEZ: Torn down? Our homes? Our shops?OLD LADY LUTZ: What’s that? Our neighborhood! He’s tearing down
our neighborhood!GUY JANTIC: You’re in a city now, my friends. There’s no room for
neighborhoods. Look at all those shiny new office buildings down
For preview only
18 19
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
TOMMY: Ow! Maria fell on me, Miss Bowman!MARIA: I did not!MISS BOWMAN: Then, slowly, something magical happens. You begin
to grow! You grow up, up, up, to become a giant oak tree. Be that oak tree, children! Feel your branches and your leaves rippling in the breeze. Feel the sap coursing through your veins! You are strong! You are powerful!
MATTHEW: Can I be a maple tree, Miss Bowman? I like maple trees.BOBBY: Maple trees are stupid.MATTHEW: They are not!AMY: Miss Bowman, Matthew and Bobby are fighting again!MISS BOWMAN: Children, children! You must learn to focus if you
want to become good actors.TOMMY: Is it time to go home yet? (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Four
Scene FiveLIGHTS UP. OLD LADY LUTZ visits with MRS. MENDEZ at the coffee shop. MRS. MOSCAVITZ sweeps around her vegetable stand. JIMMY and SALLY sit on the stoop, and JENNY and MR. FINEBURG play chess at the bench. MR. FINEBURG is clearly distracted. JOE, JOSIE, and the other TEENS ENTER and begin the next beat.JOE: (Raps.) Everything in the hood
Seemed normal and good!JOSIE: (Raps.) Except for poor Mr. Fine.ALL: (Rap.) A shadow persisted,
And though he resisted,Our friend was about out of time.
JOE: (Raps.) An army of suitsArrived at the stoops.
JOSIE: (Raps.) They gathered around to converse.ALL: (Rap.) We didn’t foresee
The trouble they’d be.We didn’t know bad would get worse!We didn’t know bad would get worse!We didn’t know bad would get worse! (TEENS EXIT, except for JOE and JOSIE. GUY JANTIC, his secretary MOODY, and his GOONS push JOSIE and JOE aside and cross to CENTER STAGE. JIMMY films them.)
GUY JANTIC: Smith, I want shots of the entire block from every angle.SMITH: Yes, sir! (Takes pictures with his cell phone.)
GUY JANTIC: Stern, I want you to work up a detailed description of every building. Ha! Look at that junk shop over there! (Indicates Mr. Houdini’s emporium.)
STERN: Yes, sir! (Takes out a tablet computer and begins evaluating the buildings.)
GUY JANTIC: Hartless, I want a cost analysis for the demolition.JOE: (Eavesdropping.) Demolition?!GUY JANTIC: Be thorough. I don’t want any surprises.HARTLESS: There won’t be, sir. (Gets out a tablet and starts checking
the buildings.)JOE: What’s he talking about “demolition”? Mr. Fine, do you know
what he’s talking about?GUY JANTIC: Grisly and Gray?GRISLY/GRAY: Yes, sir?GUY JANTIC: Interview the residents. Make sure we won’t have any
problems with the evictions.GRISLY/GRAY: Yes, sir.JOSIE: What?!GUY JANTIC: Moody, follow me.MOODY: Yes, sir! (GOONS move toward Mrs. Moscavitz’s market.
MOODY takes notes as GUY JANTIC points and talks.)MR. FINEBURG: Oh, dear! I didn’t think this would all happen so fast.JENNY: What wouldn’t happen so fast, Mr. Fine? What are those
people doing?MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (Shakes her broom at GUY JANTIC.) Get out of my
market, Mr. Fancy Pants Nose-in-the-Air! And that place over there isn’t a junk shop, it’s an emporium!
JOSIE: Whoa! They’ve really gotten under Mrs. Moscavitz’s skin!JOE: Did you hear that? She even called Houdini’s an emporium!MR. FINEBURG: Mrs. Moscavitz is just standing up for her friends.
Oh, I wish I could do something.JOSIE: About what, Mr. Fine?JOE: Yeah, what’s going on?GUY JANTIC: (Steps forward.) I think we have enough information for
now, Moody. Smith, Stern, Hartless, Grisly, and Gray?GOONS: (Form a line.) Yes, sir!GUY JANTIC: Have you gathered your data?GOONS: Yes, sir!
For preview only
18 19
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
TOMMY: Ow! Maria fell on me, Miss Bowman!MARIA: I did not!MISS BOWMAN: Then, slowly, something magical happens. You begin
to grow! You grow up, up, up, to become a giant oak tree. Be that oak tree, children! Feel your branches and your leaves rippling in the breeze. Feel the sap coursing through your veins! You are strong! You are powerful!
MATTHEW: Can I be a maple tree, Miss Bowman? I like maple trees.BOBBY: Maple trees are stupid.MATTHEW: They are not!AMY: Miss Bowman, Matthew and Bobby are fighting again!MISS BOWMAN: Children, children! You must learn to focus if you
want to become good actors.TOMMY: Is it time to go home yet? (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Four
Scene FiveLIGHTS UP. OLD LADY LUTZ visits with MRS. MENDEZ at the coffee shop. MRS. MOSCAVITZ sweeps around her vegetable stand. JIMMY and SALLY sit on the stoop, and JENNY and MR. FINEBURG play chess at the bench. MR. FINEBURG is clearly distracted. JOE, JOSIE, and the other TEENS ENTER and begin the next beat.JOE: (Raps.) Everything in the hood
Seemed normal and good!JOSIE: (Raps.) Except for poor Mr. Fine.ALL: (Rap.) A shadow persisted,
And though he resisted,Our friend was about out of time.
JOE: (Raps.) An army of suitsArrived at the stoops.
JOSIE: (Raps.) They gathered around to converse.ALL: (Rap.) We didn’t foresee
The trouble they’d be.We didn’t know bad would get worse!We didn’t know bad would get worse!We didn’t know bad would get worse! (TEENS EXIT, except for JOE and JOSIE. GUY JANTIC, his secretary MOODY, and his GOONS push JOSIE and JOE aside and cross to CENTER STAGE. JIMMY films them.)
GUY JANTIC: Smith, I want shots of the entire block from every angle.SMITH: Yes, sir! (Takes pictures with his cell phone.)
GUY JANTIC: Stern, I want you to work up a detailed description of every building. Ha! Look at that junk shop over there! (Indicates Mr. Houdini’s emporium.)
STERN: Yes, sir! (Takes out a tablet computer and begins evaluating the buildings.)
GUY JANTIC: Hartless, I want a cost analysis for the demolition.JOE: (Eavesdropping.) Demolition?!GUY JANTIC: Be thorough. I don’t want any surprises.HARTLESS: There won’t be, sir. (Gets out a tablet and starts checking
the buildings.)JOE: What’s he talking about “demolition”? Mr. Fine, do you know
what he’s talking about?GUY JANTIC: Grisly and Gray?GRISLY/GRAY: Yes, sir?GUY JANTIC: Interview the residents. Make sure we won’t have any
problems with the evictions.GRISLY/GRAY: Yes, sir.JOSIE: What?!GUY JANTIC: Moody, follow me.MOODY: Yes, sir! (GOONS move toward Mrs. Moscavitz’s market.
MOODY takes notes as GUY JANTIC points and talks.)MR. FINEBURG: Oh, dear! I didn’t think this would all happen so fast.JENNY: What wouldn’t happen so fast, Mr. Fine? What are those
people doing?MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (Shakes her broom at GUY JANTIC.) Get out of my
market, Mr. Fancy Pants Nose-in-the-Air! And that place over there isn’t a junk shop, it’s an emporium!
JOSIE: Whoa! They’ve really gotten under Mrs. Moscavitz’s skin!JOE: Did you hear that? She even called Houdini’s an emporium!MR. FINEBURG: Mrs. Moscavitz is just standing up for her friends.
Oh, I wish I could do something.JOSIE: About what, Mr. Fine?JOE: Yeah, what’s going on?GUY JANTIC: (Steps forward.) I think we have enough information for
now, Moody. Smith, Stern, Hartless, Grisly, and Gray?GOONS: (Form a line.) Yes, sir!GUY JANTIC: Have you gathered your data?GOONS: Yes, sir!
For preview only
1720
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
MISS BOWMAN: Not now, dear. Become that ice cream cone, children! Glory in your cold creaminess! Glory in it! (JOE sneaks OFF quietly when MISS BOWMAN isn’t looking.)
TOMMY: Miss Bowman!MISS BOWMAN: (Ignores TOMMY.) But, oh, what is this? It is beginning
to get warmer. You are starting to melt! (KIDS begin to “melt.”)MARIA: Oh, no!TOMMY: Miss Bowman?MISS BOWMAN: What is it, child?TOMMY: I have to go to the bathroom.MATTHEW: Ice cream cones can’t go to the bathroom. (The
OTHERS laugh.)MISS BOWMAN: Silence, children. Stay in your characters. That is
very important for an actor.TOMMY: I really, really have to go, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Oh, very well, but hurry back! (TOMMY scurries OFF.
To JIMMY.) Please cut that part out of your film, James.JIMMY: Sure thing, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Now where was I?VERONICA: We were melting, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Oh, yes! (KIDS continue “melting” to resemble puddles
on the ground.) Melt, children! Melt down the sides of your cone, which is becoming soggy and soft! Sink slowly to the ground, sink, sink! Close your eyes. All is black!
MARIA: (Stands.) Ice cream cones don’t have eyes.MISS BOWMAN: Melt! (MARIA quickly melts again. To ALL.) Now, you
are trapped in a tight, leathery shell. You are a butterfly in your cocoon ready to emerge! Push against the wall of that cocoon! Push! Push! Finally, you are out.
AMY: I can’t get out! My cocoon’s too hard!MATTHEW: So is mine!BOBBY: (TOMMY ENTERS.) Miss Bowman, Tommy just got back from
the bathroom.MISS BOWMAN: Focus, children. You must focus!VERONICA: My shoes are untied, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Fly into the sky! You feel free and happy! Flit through
the air! Flit, children! Flap those wings! But then… a storm comes up. You are tossed back and forth in the wind. Back and forth! Back and forth! What are you to do? What are you to do? You fall to the ground, your wings twisted and broken!
GUY JANTIC: Good. Have it all on my desk in the morning. I want to present it to the board of directors by the end of the week.
GOONS: Yes, sir!JENNY: (Crosses to GUY JANTIC.) Excuse me, but what is this all about?
Who are you, and why are you collecting all this data?GUY JANTIC: Who am I? My dear young lady, everyone knows who
I am.JOE: (Crosses with JOSIE.) Well, we don’t.JOSIE: So maybe you better tell us. (MOODY whispers to GUY JANTIC.)GUY JANTIC: (To MOODY.) What? Oh yes, of course. I forget sometimes
how clueless all these little people can be. (Turns to his GOONS.) Men, tell our little friends who I am.
GOONS: (Standing at attention.) Yes, sir!MOODY: This very important man is—GOONS: Mr. Guy Jantic, chairman of the board!JENNY: Mr. Guy Jantic?GUY JANTIC: That’s correct. I am Mr. Guy Jantic, and I am chairman
of the board of Twenty-First Century Enterprises!JENNY: Well, I’m Jenny Norton. I live in that building over there, and I
want to know—GUY JANTIC: Live in that building over there? Not for long, young
lady. You won’t be living in it for long. We’re going to be buying this entire block to put up our new twenty-first century multi-level, state-of-the-art parking lot.
JENNY: Your what?GUY JANTIC: (Rolls his eyes.) Oh, how I hate to repeat myself! Moody!MOODY: Our twenty-first century—GOONS: —multi-level, state-of-the-art parking lot.JOSIE: A parking lot?JOE: What are you talking about, a parking lot? This is our neighborhood.
We don’t need any parking lot here.GUY JANTIC: Don’t need a parking lot? My boy, how little you know!
How naïve you are! This so-called neighborhood of yours is a throwback to the old days. It needs to be torn down to make room for the future.
MRS. MENDEZ: Torn down? Our homes? Our shops?OLD LADY LUTZ: What’s that? Our neighborhood! He’s tearing down
our neighborhood!GUY JANTIC: You’re in a city now, my friends. There’s no room for
neighborhoods. Look at all those shiny new office buildings down
For preview only
16 21
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
AMY: What’s prosperity, Miss Bowman? (Pronounces it incorrectly.)MISS BOWMAN: It’s Miss Bowman, dear. And it’s not “prosperity,” it’s
“posterity.” That means that the generations which come after us will be able to look at this film and understand the unique genius I employed in passing on my acting techniques. (To JIMMY.) Focus on me during most of the filming, James. I am, after all, what this film is all about.
JIMMY: Whatever you say, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Now, children, spread out so you’ll have plenty of
room to work.BOBBY: Miss Bowman! Matthew is too close to me.MATTHEW: I am not. You’re in my space!MISS BOWMAN: Now, now, children. We don’t argue in acting class,
do we?KIDS: No, Miss Bowman.MATTHEW: But he’s in my space!BOBBY: Am not!MATTHEW: Are too! (JOE ENTERS and immediately starts to turn
around when he sees MISS BOWMAN. She grabs him before he can get far.)
MISS BOWMAN: Joseph, how fortuitous! You’re just in time to join in my acting class!
JOE: (Tries to escape.) Sorry, Miss Bowman, I can’t. I have to go and—MISS BOWMAN: Tut, tut, tut. Anything you have to do can wait. How
often do you get an opportunity to participate in one of my classes?JOE: But I’m kind of old for—MISS BOWMAN: No more talking! It is time to emote! (JOE shrugs.
He’s stuck. MISS BOWMAN begins her class. The KIDS try to follow her instructions with comical results.) Everyone imagine that you are an ice cream cone—cold, rich, and creamy with a lovely crisp and sugary cone. (KIDS “become” ice cream cones.)
JOE: (To AUDIENCE.) What did I tell you?MISS BOWMAN: Joseph! Focus, please! (Smiles and continues.)
You love being an ice cream cone! Think of what flavor you are. Chocolate? Strawberry? Or perhaps a tasty butter pecan!
AMY: I want to be chocolate!VERONICA: I’m strawberry!TOMMY: Miss Bowman!
the street with workers hurrying around with their briefcases in hand. (Indicates a different direction.) Look at the immense department stores with people coming and going, their bags filled with the latest gadgets and fashions. We are in an exciting city, my friends, a hustling, bustling, exciting city. It’s wonderful, wonderful! There is one fly in the ointment, though. One problem which all cities must face. It’s a terrible, terrible problem, which only men such as I, Guy Jantic, can solve. That problem, my friends, is parking.
JOSIE: I don’t think we’ve ever had much of a problem with parking. Not many of us even own a car.
GUY JANTIC: Ah, but you’re just a child. You have no understanding of how the world works. The need to find a parking place when there is none to be had is the most frustrating endeavor a man can face. It can turn normally pleasant individuals into raging beasts! It can, in truth, tear apart the very fabric of our society! But I, Guy Jantic, shall not let that happen. I, Guy Jantic, shall solve this terrible problem. I shall build a multi-level garage to house thousands of cars! It will have elevators, ramps, signs, and spaces painted in lovely yellow lines!
JOE: This guy is nuts.GUY JANTIC: People will come from miles around to park in my garage.
They will pay going in, they will pay going out, and all that money will be mine!
GOONS/MOODY: Hear, hear! Mr. Guy Jantic!GUY JANTIC: Well, I guess that does it for now. (To GOONS.) Let’s get
back to the office. We have a lot of work to do.GOONS/MOODY: Yes, sir! (EXIT with GUY JANTIC. The NEIGHBORS look
around in shock.)JOSIE: Mr. Fine, what’s going on here?JOE: Yeah, can that guy really do what he says?MR. FINEBURG: I’m afraid he can, Joe. I’m afraid he can. (LIGHTS
FADE to BLACK.)End of Scene Five
Scene SixLIGHTS UP. JOE, JOSIE, and the other TEENS are DOWN CENTER with their drums. The OTHER NEIGHBORS are gathered around MR. FINEBURG, who sits on his stoop.JOSIE/JOE: (Rap.) We were all in shock
To hear that our blockWas about to be torn down.
For preview only
1522
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
MR. FINEBURG: (ENTERS with a brown bag and crosses to JENNY.) Look at you typing away on that thing. You must have gone to school for a long time to be able work on it like that.
JENNY: Computers really aren’t that hard to use, Mr. Fineburg. I could teach you.
MR. FINEBURG: Me? Use a computer? No, no. Those things scare the daylights out of me, Jenny. Give me a number two pencil and a simple sheet of paper any day. (Slowly sits and sighs.) Oh me, oh my!
JENNY: You seem sad today, Mr. Fineburg. Is it something to do with that man who visited yesterday?
MR. FINEBURG: Ah, Jenny, your old friend has been a very silly man.JENNY: What do you mean? What’s wrong?MR. FINEBURG: Nothing, young lady, nothing. It will all work itself
out in the end, I’m sure. (Gets up.) Now you just finish what you’re doing. I have to go up and feed my little Petey this bird seed I just bought. He’s a very particular parakeet—will only eat these seeds I get from Dorfman’s down on 43rd Avenue.
JENNY: Okay, Mr. Fineburg. See you later. Maybe we could play some chess this afternoon. I’ve been practicing.
MR. FINEBURG: That would be nice, Jenny. That would be very nice. (EXITS. JENNY looks after him, worried. MR. HOUDINI ENTERS, still struggling to get out of the straitjacket.)
JENNY: (Crosses to him.) Would you like me to help you get out of that, Mr. Houdini?
MR. HOUDINI: Help? Of course not! The Great Houdini doesn’t need any help getting out of a simple straitjacket!
MRS. MENDEZ: (ENTERS from her coffee shop.) See if you can talk some sense into him, Jenny. He won’t listen to me.
MR. HOUDINI: I have already told you, woman, the Great Houdini needs no help escaping from a straitjacket! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some things to attend to in my emporium. (EXITS into his emporium.)
MRS. MENDEZ: He’ll have to give in eventually. He’s been stuck in it since all that to-do yesterday afternoon. (Shakes her head and EXITS back into her shop. JENNY gets her computer and EXITS. MISS BOWMAN ENTERS with the KIDS. JIMMY and SALLY are with them, filming.)
MISS BOWMAN: Now, children, as I told you before, we will be filming this class so my unique methods of teaching the grand art of acting will be recorded for posterity.
ALL: (Rap.) It wasn’t right!We had to fight!So we gathered all around! (TEENS join the OTHERS to listen to MR. FINEBURG.)
MR. FINEBURG: (Stands.) I want to apologize to all of you for letting you down like I have.
MALCOLM: You haven’t let us down, Mr. Fine.JACKIE: You’ve always been our best friend. (EVERYONE cheers.)MR. FINEBURG: No, no. I don’t deserve your cheers. I have let
you down. I was having trouble paying the taxes on all these buildings, and rather than facing up to it and selling them to someone who could, I just kept putting it off, hoping things would work out in the end.
MISS BOWMAN: I, for one, would never want anyone else to own these buildings but you, Mr. Fineburg.
NAOMI’S MOM: Me either. Who else would be so understanding when we can’t pay the rent?
SALLY: Or when we need help with our homework?SHADES: That’s right. Mr. Fine rocks! (More cheers.)JENNY: I think what we need to do is assess the problem and see
if there is anything we can do to stop this guy from going on with his plans.
JOE: Right. That Guy Jantic creep has got to be stopped!JENNY: Has the sale of the land actually gone through yet, Mr.
Fineburg? Does Jantic actually own the property already?MR. FINEBURG: No. He just has the highest bid in on it. I have two
weeks to come up with the money, or he takes it over.JENNY: Then we just have to raise the money.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: I agree. We can’t let that Mr. Fancy Pants steal
our shops!MRS. JONES: Or our homes!MR. HOUDINI: Or my emporium!JENNY: We can do it if we all work together. That’s what community is
all about—people working together for a common goal.JOE: A bunch of little guys outsmarting the big guy.JOSIE: (Jumps to the top step of the stoop.) Forget your fancy parking
lot, Mr. Guy Jantic! We’re not going to let you bring your trucks and bulldozers here!
ALL: No way!
For preview only
14 23
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
MR. FINEBURG: Somewhere private? (Puzzled.) Oh, of course. Come to my apartment. We could have some tea. (Starts to lead the way.)
IRS MAN: (As they go, looking around at the neighborhood.) I’m not surprised at the news I have for you, Mr. Fineburg, seeing what kind of madhouse you live in. (EXITS with MR. FINEBURG.)
JOSIE: What could that IRS man want with Mr. Fineburg?MRS. MENDEZ: I hope he’s not in any trouble.JACKIE: Maybe he just forgot to put the stamp on his tax return.NAOMI: Yeah, I’ve heard people have done that. (ALL, except for MR.
HOUDINI, gather in groups and EXIT, talking amongst themselves.)MR. HOUDINI: Where are you all going? I haven’t completed my
great escape yet! I shall conquer this straitjacket in less than ten seconds, do you hear me? I shall break all records escaping from this jacket! I shall astound the world with my dexterity and finesse! I am the greatest escape artist of all time! Even greater than my father! I am the Great Houdini! (BLACKOUT.)
End of Scene Three
Scene FourLIGHTS UP. JOE, JOSIE, and the other TEENS ENTER and begin another beat.JOE: (Raps.) The man from the IRS didn’t digress,JOSIE: (Raps.) When he sat at the table that day.ALL: (Rap.) He had papers to sign for old Mr. Fine,
For a bill that he just couldn’t pay.Yeah, he had papers to sign for old Mr. Fine,For a bill that he just couldn’t pay. (ALL EXIT. JENNY ENTERS and sits on the stoop to work on her laptop. MRS. MOSCAVITZ ENTERS and adds more fruit on her stand. MR. TAGLIATELLI ENTERS with his cart bearing a new sign that has “Hot Dogs” and “Ice Cream” crossed out and “Popcorn” written underneath.)
MR. TAGLIATELLI: Popcorn! Come get your popcorn! Fresh popped popcorn! (Looks around expectantly and sighs when no one comes.) Popcorn! Come get your popcorn! (EXITS.)
JENNY: (Watches him go.) Poor Mr. Tagliatelli. He can’t seem to sell anything from that cart.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Of course he can’t! Popcorn, ice cream, hot dogs… who wants to eat such garbage? Fresh fruit and vegetables—that’s what he should be selling. (EXITS into her shop. JENNY continues her work.)
JOE: (Jumps up next to JOSIE.) We’re not going to let you tear down Mrs. Moscavitz’s fruit market or Mrs. Mendez’s coffee shop!
ALL: No way!JOSIE: We’re not going to let you take away Mr. Houdini’s store!MR. HOUDINI: It’s an emporium!JOSIE: Or Miss Bowman’s acting class!ALL: No way!JOE: We’re not going to let you steal Mr. Fineburg’s land and destroy
our neighborhood!ALL: No! No! No way!JOSIE: In short, Mr. Guy Jantic, we’re not going to let you build a
parking lot!ALL: (Chant as they face front and march around the stage. The TEENS
pick up the beat with their drums.) No, no, no way!We will notLet you build a parking lot!No, no, no way!We will notLet you build a parking lot!We will notLet you build a parking lot!We will notLet you build a parking lot!
JENNY: (Grabs a crate, sets it CENTER STAGE, and stands on it.) Okay, okay. Everyone settle down now. We need to do more than just yell about this. We need a plan. We need to figure out a way to raise the money to pay Mr. Fineburg’s taxes before the Guy Jantic sale becomes final. Does anyone have any ideas for raising money?
MRS. MENDEZ: Mrs. Moscavitz and I will have a bake sale.NAOMI’S MOM: I’ll make some cupcakes for that!OLD LADY LUTZ: And everyone loves my gingersnap cookies. We’ll
sell a slew of them!MISS BOWMAN: Mr. Houdini and I will stage a wonderful extravaganza!
With my acting prowess and his magic, we’ll sell out every night!MR. HOUDINI: I’ll introduce my newest escape. It will be stupendous!NAOMI: And we’ll have a car wash!MALCOLM: Yeah, that always brings in some cash!JENNY: This is wonderful. Everyone start making your plans. We don’t
have any time to waste! (The NEIGHBORS start to busy themselves, some EXIT.)
For preview only
1324
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
SHADES: I kind of doubt that.NAOMI: Yeah? Well, I heard Donna beat Rico shooting hoops the
other day.RICO: She didn’t beat me!JIMMY: (Still filming.) Actually, I think she did, Rico.SALLY: Jimmy has it on film.SHADES: (To RICO.) Ouch! Bad choice, man. You don’t let anyone film
you playing against a girl.RICO: She was just lucky, and… and I had a sore hand.DONNA: Yeah, right!OLD LADY LUTZ: (ENTERS.) What are all you young people doing
hanging around the street? Shouldn’t you be in school?MARY: It’s Saturday, Mrs. Lutz.OLD LADY LUTZ: Saturday, you say? Well, then you should be home
helping your mothers do the laundry. Kids today! They’re just spoiled, that’s what they are. (EXITS.)
MR. HOUDINI: (Runs IN wearing a straitjacket.) I found the straitjacket!SHADES: Whoa! That is one cool jacket, Mr. Houdini!JACKIE: Is this going to be one of your new escapes?MALCOLM: That looks impossible to get out of.MR. HOUDINI: Nothing is impossible for the Great Houdini! I shall
extricate myself from this straitjacket in less than ten seconds! Jimmy, if you would start filming, please.
JIMMY: Right, Mr. Houdini!SALLY: (With her movie clapper.) 3… 2… 1… action! (TEENS start
clapping and counting down from ten. MR. HOUDINI tries to escape.)IRS MAN: (ENTERS.) Excuse me… (Louder.) Excuse me… (Shouts.)
Excuse me! (OTHERS stop and look at him.) Thank you. I’m looking for a Mr. Albert Fineburg. Can anyone tell me where he is? (EVERYONE looks toward MR. FINEBURG, who ENTERS with MRS. MENDEZ.)
MR. FINEBURG: I’m Albert Fineburg.IRS MAN: (Crosses to MR. FINEBURG.) Hello, Mr. Fineburg. I’m Mr.
Jackson, from the Internal Revenue Service.OTHERS: (Whisper, ad-lib.) The IRS. He’s with the IRS. (Etc.)MR. FINEBURG: Mr. Jackson? How do you do, sir? (Offers a handshake.)IRS MAN: (Ignores the offer and looks around at all the OTHERS.)
Could we go somewhere private where we can speak? I have some papers to go over with you.
DONNA: Everyone volunteering for the car wash, meet at my house in an hour.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: And I want to see some baked goods in my shop by tomorrow morning.
MISS BOWMAN: (To HOUDINI as they EXIT.) I think I’ll present my Lady Macbeth monologue. I’ve been told it’s a tour de force!
MR. HOUDINI: I’m thinking of using duct tape, a straitjacket, and maybe an enormous vat of water for my greatest escape of all time! (They’re OFF. OTHER NEIGHBORS continue to EXIT until only MR. FINEBURG, JENNY, JIMMY, and SALLY remain ONSTAGE.)
MR. FINEBURG: I hope this works. Everyone is being so nice.JENNY: Of course they’re being nice. We all love you, and we love
our neighborhood.JIMMY: Jenny, I filmed everything—the whole thing with Mr. Guy Jantic
and also our meeting just now.SALLY: We were thinking that maybe we could have a screening of it
for all the rest of the neighborhood.JIMMY: It might give everyone extra motivation to raise that money.JENNY: I don’t think anyone needs motivation for this project, but
there is one way we can use your film to teach that Guy Jantic a thing or two. Come on up to my apartment, and let’s see what we can do with that film. (JENNY, JIMMY, and SALLY EXIT.)
MR. FINEBURG: (Slumps down onto the bench, shaking his head.) Why did I have to be such a silly old man?!
MR. TAGLIATELLI: (ENTERS with his cart, this time with a “For Sale” sign on it.) Cart for sale! I got a cart for sale! Cart for sale! (Looks around sadly, sighs, and moves along.) Cart for sale! I got a cart for sale! (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Six
Scene SevenLIGHTS UP. JOSIE, JOE, and the TEENS are DOWNSTAGE. MRS. MOSCAVITZ and MRS. MENDEZ are at Mrs. Moscavitz’s market assisting OLD LADY LUTZ and some CUSTOMERS with several baked goods. The KIDS stand around a lemonade stand. TEENS begin a beat.JOSIE: (Raps.) We started fundraising.JOE: (Raps.) And it was amazing!ALL: (Rap.) How we all pulled together for the cause!JOSIE: (Raps.) We had to work fast!JOE: (Raps.) ’Cause time can pass!
For preview only
12 25
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
MR. HOUDINI: Trouble? Trouble getting out of my trunk? Nonsense! (Thinks.) However, I do have a straitjacket bequeathed to me by a close friend of my father’s, the celebrated magician, Merlin the Magnificent! It’s somewhere back in my emporium. I’ll go look for it. (EXITS to his store.)
JIMMY: (Sits with JOSIE on the bench.) I’ve been getting some really good footage for my documentary, Josie.
SALLY: That’s what we film people call it. Footage. (NAOMI, DONNA, KEISHA, and MARY ENTER with an mp3 player. They see JOSIE, JIMMY, and SALLY.)
DONNA: Hey, Josie, we finished the moves for the dance number we were working on for the talent show.
KEISHA: It’s awesome!MARY: I finally learned that turn I could never do.NAOMI: Jimmy, you’ve got to film us doing it!JIMMY: Okay. I have to wait for Mr. Houdini to find his straitjacket, so
I might as well film your act in the meantime.MARY: Look at these bracelets, Josie. Naomi’s mom made them
for us.JOSIE: Wow! These are really cool!DONNA: Stand on the bench, Jimmy, and shoot us from there. That
way I think you’ll get us all in.SALLY: She’s right, Jimmy. That would be a very good camera angle.KEISHA: Are you ready?JIMMY: I am.NAOMI: Just a sec. (Turns on the music.) Okay, here we go! (SOUND
EFFECT: DANCE MUSIC.)SALLY: (With her movie clapper.) 3… 2… 1… action! (The GIRLS dance.
RICO, MALCOLM, JACKIE, and SHADES ENTER during the number.)JOE: Whoa! What are you filming, Jimmy? March of the Penguins?MALCOLM: Or maybe Invasion of the Killer Tomatoes?RICO: How about Zombie Girls Rise Again?JOSIE: Stop the music! (NAOMI turns off the music. MUSIC OUT. To the
boys.) You guys think you’re so funny.DONNA: Yeah, like my dad says, you’re about as funny as a corpse in
the living room.JACKIE: Sorry, but it’s kind of hard to be serious watching you girls
do your thing.KEISHA: We’re a lot better doing “our thing” than you guys are at
doing anything!
ALL: (Rap.) So we never took a minute to pause.No, we never took a minute to pause.We just kept working, working, working for the cause! (JOE and JOSIE cross to Mrs. Moscavitz’s market. Other TEENS EXIT with their drums.)
JOE: (To AUDIENCE.) The hood was in an uproar trying to raise the money to pay Mr. Fineburg’s taxes.
JOSIE: (To AUDIENCE.) Mrs. Moscavitz and Mrs. Mendez organized a wonderful bake sale.
CUSTOMER ONE: I’ll take these cupcakes.CUSTOMER TWO: How much for these blueberry muffins?CUSTOMER THREE: This apple pie looks delicious.OLD LADY LUTZ: Doesn’t anyone want my gingersnap cookies?JOE: (Turns to the KIDS.) The little kids in the neighborhood set up a
lemonade stand.AMY: Lemonade for sale!MATTHEW: Fifteen cents a cup!TOMMY: We’ve even got ice! (BOBBY takes a big sip of lemonade.)MATTHEW: Bobby, stop drinking that lemonade!VERONICA: There won’t be any left to sell!BOBBY: I’m not drinking it. I’m just tasting it!MARIA: Oh, yeah? That’s the third cup you’ve tasted!BOBBY: Is not!MATTHEW: Is too!AMY: Lemonade for sale!MATTHEW: Fifteen cents a cup!TOMMY: We’ve even got ice! (MISS BOWMAN ENTERS grandly. She’s
dressed in a long white nightgown and crosses DOWN CENTER. MRS. MOSCAVITZ, MRS. MENDEZ, OLD LADY LUTZ, CUSTOMERS, and KIDS EXIT.)
JOSIE: Miss Bowman turned our street into a Shakespearean stage.MISS BOWMAN: (Snaps her fingers and TEENS run ON. They place
a crate DOWN CENTER and EXIT. Clears her throat and stands on the crate.) Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am so glad you could come here tonight to witness my tour de force delivery of Lady Macbeth’s famous sleepwalking scene. (Sits on the crate and takes a deep breath before beginning. Her interpretation of the monologue is, of course, overly melodramatic.) What, will these hands ne’er be clean? (Stands and walks forward.) There’s the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not
For preview only
1126
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
goes to Mr. Fineburg’s stoop and knocks on the door. As he waits, MRS. MOSCAVITZ ENTERS and puts more fruit on her stand.)
IRS MAN: (Crosses to her.) Good afternoon, madam. I wonder if you could help me.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Of course. You look like you need a good piece of fruit. I would especially recommend the apples. They’re fresh from the farm in Jersey.
IRS MAN: No, no thank you. I just need some information.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Information? Well, some information I got. Some
maybe not.IRS MAN: I’m looking for a Mr. Fineburg. I knocked on his door, but
there was no answer. Do you happen to know where he is?MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Of course, I know that. It’s two o’clock. Mr.
Fineburg always goes out for a walk at two o’clock. He should be back in an hour or so.
IRS MAN: Hmmm. Well, I guess I could make a few other stops and then come back. Thank you, madam. (EXITS.)
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (Calls after him.) The oranges are very good too. They’re from California. (Shrugs and goes back to arranging her fruits and vegetables. MISS BOWMAN ENTERS.)
JOSIE: How did that audition go the other day, Miss Bowman?MISS BOWMAN: Ah, Josephine, people have no appreciation for true
talent anymore. The director had the nerve to interrupt me in the middle of my monologue. Can you imagine? Right in the middle of it! The audacity of him! He said I was overacting. Me, overacting! I can barely breathe just thinking of it! I tell you, Josie, I would not work for that man if it he was the last director on earth. (EXITS in a huff. JOSIE shrugs and goes back to her book. MRS. MOSCAVITZ EXITS into her store.)
MR. HOUDINI: (ENTERS with JIMMY and SALLY.) I think you should begin your film with me, the Great Houdini, artfully escaping from my illustrious father’s trunk. You can focus on the trunk as the lid slowly begins to open, and then… ta-da! There I am, before the eyes of the world, standing tall in all my glory! The Great Houdini, victorious again! (Business-like.) Now, which do you think is the best angle to film me from? The left or the right? I rather like my right side, but my left is very photogenic as well. (Poses.) I could turn this way as I emerge from the trunk.
JIMMY: I don’t know, Mr. Houdini. I’ve heard you’ve had a little trouble getting out of that trunk.
SALLY: Do you have any other trick that might work better?
sweeten this little hand. Oh, oh, oh! Wash your hands, put on your nightgown. Look not so pale. I tell you yet again, Banquo’s buried. He cannot come out of his grave. To bed, to bed! There’s knocking at the gate. Come, come, come, come, give me your hand. What’s done cannot be undone. To bed, to bed, to bed! (Staggers OFF, presumably on the way to bed.)
JOE: (To AUDIENCE.) I’d like to go to bed myself. That was so boring she almost put me to sleep.
JOSIE: (Scowls at JOE. To AUDIENCE.) And Mr. Houdini attempted his greatest escape ever, to the delight of his audiences. (MALCOLM, SHADES, and MARY run ON, carrying MR. HOUDINI, who is completely wrapped in duct tape, with only his head visible. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.])
SHADES: Clear the way! Clear the way!MARY: We have to get Mr. Houdini out of this duct tape.MALCOLM: He’s been wrapped in it for hours!MR. HOUDINI: I’m all right! I can do it myself!MRS. MENDEZ: (Runs ON.) Bring him to my shop. I have good scissors
we can use.MR. HOUDINI: Put me down! No duct tape ever defeated me! I am the
Great Houdini! (MALCOLM, SHADES, and MARY carry MR. HOUDINI OFF, following MRS. MENDEZ.)
JOE: (Shrugs.) And for our contribution to the fundraiser, our crew…JOSIE: …had a carwash! (TEENS run ON with rags and buckets.
Some have their drums and start a beat as the others frantically pantomime washing cars to an ever faster drumbeat. After a while, the drum beat stops and they take a break exhausted.)
DONNA: What do ya think, guys?KEISHA: Well, the cars keep coming.RICO: And we keep raking in the bucks.JACKIE: I hope it will be enough.MALCOLM: Me too. I heard Mr. Fineburg owes a ton of money.NAOMI: (Slumps down, exhausted.) I never want to see a wet wash
rag again.MARY: Me either. My hands look like wrinkled old prunes.SHADES: So does your face, Mary. (MARY swats him with her rag.
JIMMY, SALLY, and JENNY run ON. JENNY has her laptop.)JIMMY: Everyone! You’ve got to see this!SALLY: Jenny put Jimmy’s film about our neighborhood and Mr. Guy
Jantic on YouTube!
For preview only
10 27
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
MR. FINEBURG: Nonsense! It’s too much for a young lady who has just lost her job. Let’s make it $250 a month.
JENNY: Really? That’s so wonderful! I don’t know what to say.MR. FINEBURG: Don’t say anything. Just move in and you can start
doing that internet thing you do. Come on, I’ll show you your new place. (Stands and starts toward the apartment building.)
JENNY: (Follows him.) But I… the thing is… I don’t have money to pay a security deposit.
MR. FINEBURG: Deposit? What deposit? I never heard of such a thing! Come on. Your place is just upstairs on the second floor. (They EXIT to the apartment building.)
JOSIE: (ENTERS.) That’s Mr. Fineburg for you. From what I hear, he’s barely making ends meet, yet he practically gives away a room to rent just because somebody lost her job. He’s a good man, a really good man. That’s why we call him Mr. Fine! (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Two
Scene ThreeLIGHTS UP. JOE and JOSIE sit, beatboxing and drumming with the other TEENS. They play a few beats and then MR. TAGLIATELLI ENTERS with his cart, which now has “Hot Dogs” crossed out and says “Ice Cream” underneath.MR. TAGLIATELLI: Ice cream! Come get your ice cream! Nice cold ice
cream! (Looks around expectantly and sighs when no one comes.) Ice cream! Come get your ice cream! (EXITS.)
JOSIE: (To AUDIENCE.) Mr. Tagliatelli switched to selling ice cream.JOE: No one wanted his hot dogs. They were terrible. (TEENS pick up
their beat again.)JOSIE: (Raps.) The people in the hood,
The people on our block,We were tight like family,As solid as a rock.
JOE: (Raps.) One day, a man arrived with a briefcase and a suit.Ms. Moscavitz was sure he had the cash to buy some fruit.
ALL: (Rap.) But little did we know, as we were sittin’ here a-drumming,That life was going to change, that bad news was a-comin’! (JOSIE goes to the bench DOWN RIGHT and begins to read. TEENS EXIT to the drum beat. As they go, they circle around IRS MAN, who ENTERS with a briefcase. He is clearly annoyed about the TEENS brushing by him and takes out a handkerchief to brush himself off. He then takes out a paper and checks the numbers on the buildings. He
JIMMY: It’s already gotten over 400,000 hits!SALLY: Show them, Jenny.JENNY: Okay. (Sits on the bench.) Gather around, everyone. (OTHERS
gather around her as she opens the computer.)KEISHA: Look! There we are dancing!DONNA: And there’s me beating Rico in basketball!RICO: (Grimaces.) Oh, no.SHADES: (To RICO.) I told you, man. Don’t ever get filmed playing
against a girl.DONNA: There’s Miss Bowman (Mispronounces it.) doing her
acting class!JOE: (Corrects her.) It’s Miss Bowman.JOSIE: Oh, my gosh. There’s Mr. Houdini in his straitjacket!JIMMY: Now, watch. This is where that Guy Jantic guy comes in with
all his assistants.SALLY: Doesn’t he look mean?JOE: Mrs. Moscavitz looks like she’s going to bop him on the head
with that stalk of broccoli.JOSIE: And Mr. Fineburg looks so sad.JENNY: (Closes the computer.) That’s the end of that clip, but I put
a bunch more on showing the way Jantic has been devastating neighborhoods all over the city.
JOE: You mean we’re not the only neighborhood he’s tried to buy?JENNY: No. He’s a vulture going after any buildings he thinks he can
get cheap.JIMMY: Jenny put my film up on her Facebook page, too.SALLY: And so did her friends, who have friends, who have
more friends!JENNY: It’s been getting talked about a lot on Twitter, too. I thought
about setting up a GoFundMe page, but Mr. Fineburg didn’t want to ask total strangers for money online. Still, if we can’t raise enough money with our own fundraising to stop Jantic from taking over, at least we can make people see what a creep he is.
JOE: Down with the rat Guy Jantic!ALL: (Chant.) Down with Guy Jantic! Down with Guy Jantic! (SOUND
EFFECT: CAR HONKS.)WOMAN: (ENTERS.) Am I too late for the car wash?JOSIE: Car wash? Of course not.DONNA: The more cars we wash—
For preview only
928
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
MR. FINEBURG: Mr. Houdini, you know I saw your father do that trick on an old news reel. It looks very difficult, but I’m sure you’ll master it. (EXITS into Mrs. Moscavitz’s store.)
MR. HOUDINI: Thank you, Mr. Fineburg. (Loudly so MRS. MOSCAVITZ can hear.) At least somebody in this neighborhood appreciates my ancestry. Now, I’m going back to my emporium and… and I’m going to relax a bit before I perform my great escape. (Waddles OFF into his store.)
MRS. MENDEZ: (Shakes her head.) Poor Mr. Houdini. He tries so hard.JENNY: (ENTERS carrying a suitcase, a backpack, and a laptop bag.
Moves to MRS. MENDEZ.) Excuse me, I’m looking for a Mr. Fineburg. Do you happen to know where I can find him?
MRS. MENDEZ: Mr. Fineburg? Of course. He just went over to Mrs. Moscavitz’s market to buy some zucchini. (MR. FINEBURG RE-ENTERS with a bag of zucchini.) See, there he is.
JENNY: Thank you.MRS. MENDEZ: Think nothing of it, miss. And if you’re hungry after
seeing Mr. Fineburg, come into my coffee shop for a bite to eat. You look like you could put some meat on those bones. (EXITS.)
JENNY: (Crosses to MR. FINEBURG.) Mr. Fineburg?MR. FINEBURG: Hello, young lady.JENNY: Hello, sir. I read that you had a room for rent in your
apartment building.MR. FINEBURG: Yes, I do. Come over here, and we’ll sit down and talk
about it. (They move to the bench STAGE RIGHT and sit.)MR. FINEBURG: So, you need a room?JENNY: Yes, sir. I was sharing an apartment for a while with a friend,
but she’s moved out, and the rent’s a thousand dollars a month so I really can’t afford it on my own. I… well, I just lost my job, so—
MR. FINEBURG: I understand. What are you going to do now without a job?
JENNY: Well, I thought… that is… I mean… I’m good with computers, so I’m hoping to, I don’t know, go into internet marketing or something like that.
MR. FINEBURG: Internet marketing? You’ve lost me already, young lady, but I do have a room for you. I advertised it for $400 a month.
JENNY: I know, and I wanted to ask about that.MR. FINEBURG: That’s too much, isn’t it?JENNY: No, no, not at all! It’s very generous, far below market rate. I
just wanted to ask how much—
RICO: The more chance we have of defeating Guy Jantic! (ALL cheer, TEENS wash cars again and pick up the drumbeat again as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Seven
Scene EightLIGHTS UP. JOE, JOSIE, and the TEENS are CENTER STAGE with their drums. MR. FINEBURG and OTHER NEIGHBORS gather around Mr. Fineburg’s stoop. TEENS pick up a beat.JOSIE: (Raps.) A week went by.JOE: (Raps.) Then, ten days passed.ALL: (Rap.) And we kept working to raise the cash.
Yeah, we kept working to raise the cash.JOSIE: (Raps.) When we had just a few days more,ALL: (Rap.) We met outside Mr. Fineburg’s door! (TEENS join the OTHERS.)MATTHEW: Here’s the money from our lemonade stand, Mr. Fineburg.VERONICA: We made three dollars!MARIA: And thirteen cents!MR. FINEBURG: (Takes the money.) So much! How wonderful!MRS. MENDEZ: (Hands MR. FINEBURG an envelope.) And here’s the
money we made on the bake sale. I think we did really well.MR. FINEBURG: Thank you so much, Mrs. Mendez. Here, Jenny, you
can be my banker. (Passes the envelope to JENNY, who opens it, counts the money, and records it in a notebook.)
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: My apple strudel was, of course, the biggest seller.OLD LADY LUTZ: (Hurt.) No one wanted my gingersnap cookies.MR. FINEBURG: Oh, but I did, Mrs. Lutz. I bought a dozen of them.
They were delicious!OLD LADY LUTZ: (Pleased.) Really? Thank you. I always use the
best ginger.MISS BOWMAN: Enough talk about cookies! Here is the money Mr.
Houdini and I raised from our show. (Hands her envelope to JENNY.) My interpretation of Lady Macbeth was acclaimed by all!
SHADES: And people paid extra to watch Mr. Houdini being cut out of all that duct tape.
MR. HOUDINI: I could have escaped from that myself. No one ever seems to understand how we magicians use suspense to heighten the effect of an escape.
JOSIE: Here’s the money we made on the car wash. (Hands the money to JENNY.)
For preview only
8 29
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
MR. HOUDINI: What about it? It’s a zucchini.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: It’s a bruised and ruined zucchini, just like every
other one in the box you knocked over when you were getting that ridiculous chain out of my storeroom.
MR. HOUDINI: Ridiculous chain! This chain is part of one of my great escapes!
MRS. MENDEZ: Harry, settle down. We’re sorry, Mrs. Moscavitz, Harry was just—
MR. HOUDINI: How many times do I have to tell you, Mrs. Mendez? You’re to call me the Great Houdini!
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: The Great Houdini! The Great Houdini! I’m sick of hearing about this Great Houdini!
MR. HOUDINI: What? How dare you! You… you… you grocer!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Yes, I’m a grocer! And you’re a junk shop owner,
mister, that’s what you are!MR. HOUDINI: It is not a shop, it’s an emporium!MRS. MENDEZ: Mrs. Moscavitz, maybe we could—MRS. MOSCAVITZ: And stop pretending you’re the son of some great
magician who died a hundred years ago!MR. HOUDINI: Pretend? Pretend! She says I’m pretending!NAOMI’S MOM: (From the window.) Would you keep it quiet down
there? You’re going to wake up my baby!MR. HOUDINI: (To MRS. MOSCAVITZ.) I’ll have you know, madam, that
I can—MRS. MOSCAVITZ: You can wrap yourself in chains and waddle
around like a duck! This zucchini has more talent than you!OLD LADY LUTZ: (From her window.) Would you stop that racket? I
can’t hear my TV shows!MRS. MENDEZ: Mrs. Moscavitz, I don’t think—MR. FINEBURG: (ENTERS, sees the commotion, and crosses to them.)
You know, Mrs. Moscavitz, that’s a very fine zucchini you have there. I thought I’d buy some for dinner tonight. Could you help me with that?
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Of course, Mr. Fineburg. I think I can find some that haven’t been too badly bruised by this junk shop owner here.
MR. HOUDINI: It’s an emporium!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (To MR. FINEBURG.) Come along to my store.
(Goes to her store and EXITS.)
JOE: We must have washed over a hundred cars this week!MR. FINEBURG: Yes, you children worked very hard. And you did a
good job too. I was wishing I had a car just so you could wash it!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: So what’s the verdict? Did we raise enough to pay
off the tax man?KEISHA: We must have.SHADES: Look at all that cash!NAOMI: It’s a fortune!JENNY: It comes to 852 dollars and 26 cents.JACKIE: 852 dollars and 26 cents!JIMMY/SALLY: Wow!MALCOLM: Amazing!JOE: So it’s enough, right?JOSIE: You’ll be able to pay the bill with that, won’t you? (EVERYONE
looks expectantly at MR. FINEBURG.)MR. FINEBURG: I’m sorry, my friends, but I owe much more than that.
You did your best, and I am very grateful, but—GUY JANTIC: (ENTERS, laughing, with his GOONS.) I thought you’d be
here, counting the earnings from your feeble attempts at fundraising!MR. FINEBURG: Mr. Jantic, I don’t think this is the time to—GUY JANTIC: Don’t you know that you can’t fight the world of high
finance with money made from bake sales, car washes, and cheap little drama skits?
MISS BOWMAN: Cheap little drama skits? You sleazy con man! I ought to— (She’s about to punch him as JENNY grabs her arm.)
JENNY: Don’t waste your time on him, Miss Bowman. He’s not worth it.GUY JANTIC: On the contrary, miss. I’m very much worth it. In fact,
I’m worth a lot more than all of you combined! And I’ll be worth even more than that after I tear this neighborhood down and build my lovely, lovely parking garage! (Laughs and EXITS, his GOONS following him OFF.)
MISS BOWMAN: You should have let me hit him, Jenny. He deserves a bloody nose.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: I agree with you there.MALCOLM: Does this mean we’ve lost?NAOMI: There’s nothing more we can do?MR. FINEBURG: I’m afraid so. I don’t see any way I can pay my tax bill
by the day after tomorrow.MR. HOUDINI: This may be a fix even the Great Houdini cannot
escape from.
For preview only
730
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
on the block. And I rented them to people I cared for, people with good hearts. Everyone who lives in these buildings is my friend.
OLD LADY LUTZ: (From an upstairs window.) Moscavitz! That fruit you sold me yesterday is bad!
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Yesterday? I sold it to you ten days ago, you old bat! No wonder it went bad!
OLD LADY LUTZ: (Tosses a couple of bananas out the window.) Ha! That’s what I think of your fruit!
MR. FINEBURG: (Shakes his head and smiles.) Some friends are easier to get along with than others, but they’re all my friends here on this street. They’re all my friends. (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene One
Scene TwoLIGHTS UP. TEENS begin a beat with their plastic bucket drums, and JOSIE and JOE begin the rap.JOSIE: (Raps.) Now you’ve met the people living on our street.JOE: (Raps.) But there’s still one to go,
One more for you to meet.BOYS: (Raps.) She came one afternoon,
When the day was done.GIRLS: (Raps.) She’d have a lot to do
With what was still to come! (TEENS, JOSIE, and JOE EXIT.)MR. HOUDINI: (Waddles IN, totally encased in large chains. MRS.
MENDEZ follows him ON.) I’m totally capable of getting out of these chains by myself. I am, after all, the long lost son of the Great Houdini!
MRS. MENDEZ: I know you are, Harry, but you’ve been wrapped up in those chains all afternoon.
MR. HOUDINI: Mrs. Mendez, I’ve told you over and over again. When I am in the midst of an escape, you are not to refer to me as Harry, but as the Great Houdini!
MRS. MENDEZ: Yes. I’m sorry, but wouldn’t you like just a little help to get out of those things? Then we can sit down and have a nice cup of tea. I even have some of those cinnamon buns you like so much.
MR. HOUDINI: (Tempted.) Cinnamon buns? (Resists.) No! (Waddles away.) If I let you help me escape from these chains, no one will ever have faith in the Great Houdini again!
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (ENTERS, angry. Approaches MR. HOUDINI, waving a zucchini at him.) Houdini! Look at this zucchini! Look at it!
MRS. MENDEZ: I guess we better start thinking about what we’re going to do next.
NAOMI’S MOM: This is the only home my children have ever known.MISS BOWMAN: What will happen to all my lovely little students?JOSIE: I’m going to miss hanging out here in the street.JOE: Playing our drums…RICO: Shooting hoops…OLD LADY LUTZ: I’m going to miss looking out my window and seeing
what all you young scallywags are up to.SHADES: I knew you liked us.OLD LADY LUTZ: Hmph!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: I’m going to miss hearing you complain about
my broccoli.OLD LADY LUTZ: It gives me gas.MRS. MENDEZ: 159th Street. I’ve had my shop here for over
thirty years.MR. HOUDINI: I remember when you opened. I could smell your
cinnamon buns from all the way down the street.MRS. MENDEZ: You certainly ate enough of them over the years.JOSIE: Joe, do you remember when we set up the carnival right here
on the street?JOE: And Jimmy cried because he couldn’t hit the target with the
bean bag!JIMMY: (Defensive.) I was just a little kid then!KEISHA: How about the time when we were playing stickball and
Jackie hit the ball right through Mrs. Moscavitz’s store window?DONNA: I never saw him run so fast!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: That’s when he first started working in my store—
to pay for that window.JACKIE: I remember how scared I was when I finally got up the nerve
to confess to you.MARY: Do you remember when Mrs. Mendez had a fire in her kitchen,
and we all helped her repaint?MALCOLM: Or the time we had our own Thanksgiving Day parade?SALLY: I got dressed up as Pocahontas.MR. FINEBURG: So many memories. I think what I’ll always remember
most is sitting here on the stoop and passing the day with all of you, with all of my friends.
JIMMY: I’ll give you a copy of my film to remember everyone by.
For preview only
6 31
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
JOSIE: Now she teaches acting in her apartment.JOE: Sort of teaches. She doesn’t get many students. I think she
scares them away when she starts making them believe they’re ice cream cones “melting slowly and desperately in the scorching, burning noon-day sun.” (Shudders.) It’s creepy!
MR. FINEBURG: (To MISS BOWMAN.) Of course I’ll watch Goldilocks for you, Miss Bowman. He can keep my parakeet, Petey, company.
JOSIE: (To AUDIENCE.) That’s Mr. Fineburg. He owns all the buildings here in the hood.
JOE: You’d never know it, though. He’s a really nice guy.JOSIE: Our mom says he’s a saint. He hasn’t raised the rents on any
of the buildings in over twenty years.JOE: And he’s always ready to help a guy out if he needs it. We call
him Mr. Fine most of the time. The name fits him. (JIMMY and SALLY ENTER excitedly and move to JOE and JOSIE. JIMMY has an old video camera. SALLY has a movie clapper.)
JIMMY: Look guys! Mr. Fine fixed the camera for me! It works great!SALLY: Jimmy’s going to make a documentary about our neighborhood.
(Proud.) I’m going to be his assistant director.JIMMY: (Focuses the camera on them.) Say something! You can be my
first interviews.JOE: Oh, great! Now we’re going to have him sticking that camera in
our faces every second!JOSIE: Why don’t you interview Mr. Fine? I’m sure he has lots of
interesting stories to tell.SALLY: You know, that’s a good idea, Jimmy. Mr. Fine has lived here
forever. (They move to MR. FINEBURG.)JIMMY: Hey, Mr. Fine, could you say something to the camera?SALLY: It’s for our documentary.MR. FINEBURG: That’s right, your documentary. Well, I suppose I can
say a word or two. What would you like to know?SALLY: Wait! I have to say “action” first. (Uses her movie clapper.) 3,
2, 1… action!JIMMY: (Filming.) Tell me about when you first came here, Mr. Fine.SALLY: What was it like back then?MR. FINEBURG: What was it like? Pretty much the same as now,
only a bit newer. My wife and I came to this neighborhood more than forty years ago. We bought that building I live in with some money my grandfather left me. Things were a lot cheaper back then. Eventually I made enough to buy the rest of the buildings
MRS. MENDEZ: They were good years.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Very good years. (EVERYONE sighs and EXITS.)TOMMY: (Watches everyone go.) Does this mean our lemonade
stand didn’t make enough money? But we made three dollars and thirteen cents! (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Eight
Scene NineLIGHTS UP. NEIGHBORS are carrying furniture, boxes, and suitcases from their homes. MR. FINEBURG sits on the stoop in front of his house. MRS. MENDEZ puts a “Closed” sign on her shop door. All of the produce in Mrs. Moscavitz’s market is gone. MR. HOUDINI sits in chains in his trunk. JOE, JOSIE, and the TEENS begin a slow, thoughtful beat.JOE: (Raps.) The next day came.JOSIE: (Raps.) And nothing had changed.ALL: (Rap.) Except for our hood,
Which was getting re-arranged. (TEENS slowly EXIT. MISS BOWMAN ENTERS, carrying a suitcase and her fishbowl.)
MR. FINEBURG: I see Goldilocks is making the move with you, Miss Bowman.
MISS BOWMAN: Of course. She’ll comfort me in this time of trial. (To Goldilocks.) Won’t you, little snookums?
MR. FINEBURG: Where will you be going, if I might ask?MISS BOWMAN: Of course you may ask, Mr. Fineburg. I have been
fortunate enough to secure a position at the RKO Keith’s Theater here in Queens. Of course, it’s a movie theater, and I’ll only be working as a cashier, but at least I’ll still be in show business.
MR. FINEBURG: That’s good. I know how much the business means to you.
MISS BOWMAN: Yes. And there’s a room upstairs I can rent. It’s an old vaudeville theater, you know. My room used to be an old dressing room. It even has a star on the door.
MR. FINEBURG: That’s wonderful. You deserve a star.MRS. MENDEZ: (Crosses to them.) Well, I’ve closed up the shop. I
wasn’t going to wait for that evil man to kick me out. It’s hard to believe I’ll never be making another cup of coffee there.
MR. FINEBURG: I heard you’ll be going to your sister’s, Mrs. Mendez.MRS. MENDEZ: Yes. The last of her children has just gotten married,
so she has a room available.MR. FINEBURG: It will be nice to be with family.
For preview only
532
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
MRS. MENDEZ: (Kindly.) Yes, yes, I know. Maybe the trunk is defective. I bet your father couldn’t even get out of it. (KEISHA, MALCOLM, and MARY EXIT.)
JOSIE: (To AUDIENCE.) That’s Mrs. Mendez.JOE: She owns the coffee shop.JOSIE: She’s a really nice lady. She’s always there if you need someone
to talk to.JOE: Or if you need a free soda on a hot day.MISS BOWMAN: (ENTERS carrying a goldfish bowl containing a fish.)
Good morning, darlings!JOSIE/JOE: Good morning, Miss Bowman. (They pronounce it as
“BOW-man.”)MISS BOWMAN: Please, please, will you never learn? It’s Miss
Bowman. (She changes the “a” sound to an “ah” sound and stresses the second syllable: “Bow-MAHN.” [NOTE: Bow-MAHN is the correct pronunciation and should be used unless otherwise noted as mispronounced.”]) Say that after me. Miss Bowman.
JOSIE/JOE: Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Very good. You should never have stopped taking
my acting classes. It’s so easy to sink back into a common way of speaking.
JOSIE: Yes, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Now, what was I doing? Oh, yes. Have you seen Mr.
Fineburg? I have a very important audition today, and I need to leave my little Goldilocks with him. She gets very nervous when she’s alone. (To the fish.) Don’t you, my little sweetikins?
JOE: I think Mr. Fineburg’s at home. He’s helping our brother fix this junky old video camera he found at Mr. Houdini’s shop.
MISS BOWMAN: A video camera? How delightful! He should come to my class, and I can instruct him in the art of the cinema. I was quite the star in my day, you know.
JOE: Yes, Miss Bowman. (Mispronounces it.)MISS BOWMAN: (Raises her hand.) Ah, ah, ah!JOE: Right, Miss Bowman.MISS BOWMAN: Very good. Well, I must not tarry. I don’t want to be
late for my very important audition! (Crosses and knocks on MR. FINEBURG’S door. MR. FINEBURG ENTERS and sits on the stoop as they talk.)
JOSIE: (To AUDIENCE.) Miss Bowman lives above the coffee shop.JOE: She had a tiny part in a Broadway show about a hundred years ago.
MRS. MENDEZ: I suppose so, but her house is way out in the suburbs. There won’t be many people to share a cup of coffee with out there.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (ENTERS, pushing MR. TAGLIATELLI’S cart, which is full of fruits and vegetables.) Apples for sale! And nice fresh lettuce! Apples for sale!
MR. FINEBURG: Mrs. Moscavitz, I see you have already started a new business venture.
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Of course. I bought Tagliatelli’s cart yesterday. What would people do without my fresh fruit and vegetables? (Sees HOUDINI sitting in his trunk.) Harry, what are you doing sitting in your trunk like that?
MR. HOUDINI: As you know, Mrs. Moscavitz, it is not Harry but the Great Houdini. And I am not just sitting in this trunk, I am chained to it.
OLD LADY LUTZ: (Looks out her upstairs window.) He’s been there all day. Such silliness!
MRS. MENDEZ: (Goes over to HOUDINI.) Harry, I mean the Great Houdini, has chained himself to his trunk, and he’s chained the trunk to his emporium.
MR. HOUDINI: I, of course, could extricate myself in seconds, but that villain Guy Jantic will never be able to pry me loose. He shall have to admit defeat and leave my emporium and the rest of the neighborhood alone!
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Houdini, a few chains aren’t going to keep Jantic from bulldozing our street. If he has to, he’ll pick up your emporium with you in it!
MR. HOUDINI: He wouldn’t dare!JENNY: (ENTERS with her backpack and laptop bag.) I’ve gotten
everything packed up, Mr. Fineburg. I want to thank you for renting me that room. It was so nice of you.
MR. FINEBURG: Don’t thank me, Jenny. I wish I could have had you here much longer.
JENNY: So do I, but my guess is that Mr. Jantic will be evicting us all before the week is out. (More people come ON with boxes and suitcases.)
MR. O’BRIEN: (ENTERS, carrying a crate full of letters.) I have a delivery here for you, Mr. Fineburg.
MR. FINEBURG: For me?MR. O’BRIEN: (Goes to MR. FINEBURG and puts the box down in front
of him.) Yup. This entire box of mail is for you. You’re a popular man, Mr. Fineburg. There must be a thousand letters in here.
For preview only
4 33
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
JOE: I learned early on not to insult Mrs. Moscavitz’s broccoli.JOSIE: (Indicates MR. HOUDINI, who is dusting an old trunk.) That
man over there is Mr. Houdini. He owns Houdini’s Emporium of Treasures and Delights.
JOE: In other words, a junk shop.JOSIE: Mr. Houdini says that he’s the long lost son of the famous
magician Harry Houdini.KEISHA: (ENTERS with MARY and MALCOLM.) Hi, Mr. Houdini.MALCOLM: How’s it going?MR. HOUDINI: Ah, you children are just in time to watch me test
my trunk!MARY: Your trunk?MR. HOUDINI: (Climbs into the trunk.) This is the same trunk my father
used in one of his famous escapes. Flip the lock after I get in, and I’ll show you how he did it.
KEISHA: Oh… All right, but shouldn’t you give us the key so we can let you out afterward?
MR. HOUDINI: Key! Houdini doesn’t need a key! Houdini is the key! (Sinks down into the trunk and slams the top closed.)
JOE: The real Houdini was born in 1874, so it’s highly unlikely that he was our Mr. Houdini’s father.
JOSIE: Joe, you’re always such a skeptic.JOE: I do my research, that’s all.MALCOLM: Mr. Houdini, are you all right in there?MARY: Mr. Houdini? (MR. HOUDINI pounds from inside the trunk,
followed by a muffled yell.)KEISHA: Do you think he’s stuck?MALCOLM: I don’t know. He’s been in there a while.KEISHA: Maybe we should get help.MALCOLM: Yeah. He could suffocate in there.MARY: Oh, no! That would be terrible!MRS. MENDEZ: (Crosses over with a key.) Don’t worry, children. I took
this from him the last time he got stuck in there. (Opens the trunk and MR. HOUDINI staggers out of it.) Mr. Houdini, I wish you’d stop getting into that trunk. You know you can’t get out of it, and it aggravates your claustrophobia.
MR. HOUDINI: I can get out of it. I am the long lost son of the great Harry Houdini! There is not a trunk on this planet which can keep me confined!
MR. FINEBURG: What? But I…MR. O’BRIEN: Just leave the crate out here on the stoop when you’re
finished with it, and I’ll pick it up. Have a nice day! (EXITS.)MR. FINEBURG: (Calls OFF.) But I won’t be here after…JENNY: (Looks through the box.) Mr. Fineburg! These letters are from
all over the country! (Starts opening envelopes.)JOSIE: From all over the world! Here’s one from Australia!JENNY: Oh, my gosh! They’re from people who saw Jimmy’s video on
YouTube and Facebook!JIMMY: All these people saw my video?JOSIE: This one’s from a little girl living in the mountains of Kentucky.
(SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on a LITTLE GIRL and her PAPPY. The girl has a tablet.)
LITTLE GIRL: Look at this, Pappy. I found somethin’ on this tablet.PAPPY: Who’s that guy in them fancy clothes?LITTLE GIRL: He’s a mean man, Pappy. He’s going to steal the homes
right away from all them people if they can’t pay their taxes.PAPPY: Is that right? We better do somethin’ about that, don’t ya
think, child?LITTLE GIRL: I do, Pappy. I really do! (SPOTLIGHT OUT. LITTLE GIRL and
her PAPPY EXIT.)JOE: Here’s one from this guy in England… (SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on a
BRITISH GENTLEMAN, who ENTERS with a tablet.)BRITISH GENTLEMAN: I say! That’s not very sporting of this Guy
Jantic fellow. He’s due for a comeuppance I rather think. Jeeves! Bring me some stationery. I have a letter to write! (SPOTLIGHT OUT. BRITISH GENTLEMAN EXITS.)
JIMMY: This is from a bunch of girls in California. (SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on THREE GIRLS, who ENTER texting one another.)
GIRL ONE: Check out the video on Brittany’s Facebook page and text me back! Send.
GIRL TWO: OMG! That is like so totally mean! Send.GIRL THREE: Guy Jantic is one big fat creep! Send. (SPOTLIGHT OUT.
TEXTING GIRLS EXIT.)JENNY: This one’s from France. (SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on TWO FRENCH
GIRLS, who ENTER looking at a phone.)FRENCH GIRL ONE: C’est pas juste! Zat’s not fair!FRENCH GIRL TWO: We must do somezing about zis! (SPOTLIGHT
OUT. FRENCH GIRLS EXIT.)
For preview only
334
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
RICO: Shades?SHADES: Sorry, man. I got a date with that girl we met the other night.
We’re going to talk about this book she read.DONNA: You’ve never read a book in your life, Shades.SHADES: Donna, Donna, Donna. You don’t have to read a book to talk
about it with a girl. You just have to agree with everything she says and… (Strikes a pose.) …look cool. Better go. I don’t want to be late for my “literature class.” (EXITS.)
DONNA: (Watches him go.) Fool!RICO: Man, I really wanted to work on my jump shot.DONNA: (Turns to RICO.) I’ll shoot some with you, Rico.RICO: (Shrugs.) I don’t know, Donna. I’d rather play with a guy
who can—DONNA: (Smacks him on the back of the head.) Get your ball, little
man. I’m going to show you how it’s done. (They EXIT, RICO rubbing his head.)
JOE: Poor Rico. He’s in for it now. (JOE and JOSIE move DOWN RIGHT. MR. HOUDINI ENTERS to adjust the trunk in front of his shop. CUSTOMERS and OTHERS in the neighborhood busy themselves, looking over the vegetables in front of the market, sitting on the stoop talking, etc. To AUDIENCE.) As I said before, this is our hood.
OLD LADY LUTZ: (ENTERS, walking by.) Hood? Where’s your hood, young man? It’s cold out here. You should have that hood on your head. That’s what it’s for, after all. (Moves along.) Kids these days! They don’t know how to take care of themselves! (EXITS opposite.)
JOE: (To AUDIENCE.) That’s Old Lady Lutz. She’s kind of a grouch.JOSIE: She’s not that bad, just old. Anyway, Joe and I have lived here
in the hood all our lives.JOE: That’s Josie, my sister.JOSIE: We live in that apartment building over there, just above the
food market.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (Loud, to one of her customers.) What do you mean
my broccoli looks limp?! That is the finest broccoli in the city!MARKET CUSTOMER: I was just saying—MRS. MOSCAVITZ: You were saying nonsense. (Grabs the broccoli
from the CUSTOMER’S hand.) Go somewhere else if you don’t like my broccoli.
MARKET CUSTOMER: But I—MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Go! Go! Go! (Waves the broccoli threateningly,
frightening the CUSTOMER OFF. EXITS into her store.)
JOE: Wow! This is from a guy on a safari in Africa! (SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on SAFARI MAN, who ENTERS wearing a safari hat and jacket, using a tablet.)
SAFARI MAN: What a vulture that Guy Jantic is! If I had him here right now, I’d throw him to the lions! (EXITS. SPOTLIGHT OUT.)
JOSIE: I can’t believe it! This one is from Lola Leanni!MARY: The famous actress?MALCOLM: No way! (SPOTLIGHT UP LEFT on LOLA, a glamorous
actress, who ENTERS.)LOLA: (Looks at her phone and talks to someone OFFSTAGE.) Did you
see this tweet from Brad, darling? I really must look into this Guy Jantic creature. He sounds quite vile. (EXITS. SPOTLIGHT OUT.)
JENNY: Here are ones from Japan, and Mexico, Canada, Chicago, Albuquerque!
JOE: Portland, Peru, Houston, Miami… (A LARGE GROUP of SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWERS from all over the world ENTERS, all with phones and tablets in their hands.)
ONE: I saw your video on YouTube. I hope this money helps you out.TWO: Your film has gotten thousands of likes on my Facebook page!THREE: I’ve tweeted about your problem to all of my followers!FOUR: Please accept this small check to help pay your taxes.FIVE: Who needs more parking lots?SIX: Guy Jantic is just one…SEVEN: Gigantic…EIGHT: Greedy…NINE: Selfish…TEN: Thieving…ALL: Rat! Down with Guy Jantic! (GROUP EXITS. GUY JANTIC, GRISLY,
and GRAY ENTER.)GUY JANTIC: How nice. All the neighbors are getting together to say
their last goodbyes. (Crosses to MR. FINEBURG.) Well, Mr. Fineburg, I was just over at the records office, and I saw you haven’t paid your tax bill yet.
MR. FINEBURG: No, I haven’t but—GUY JANTIC: Excellent! Grisly, Gray, put the eviction notices on
the doors!GRISLY/GRAY: Yes, sir!JOE: Just a minute! You can’t do that!JOSIE: Mr. Fineburg has until tomorrow to pay his bill!
For preview only
2 35
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: No. How many times do I have to tell you? They’ll be here next week. (MR. FINEBURG EXITS. JOSIE and JOE stand, walk CENTER, and address the AUDIENCE.)
JOSIE: 159th Street…JOE: …between 42nd and 43rd Avenue…JOSIE: …one city block…ALL: …where we all live!JOE: Yup, this street—with its apartments, its stores, its people— it’s
our home, the place we hang out. Our hood.JOSIE: It looks pretty normal now, but it’s where it all happened.JOE: Yup. This is where it happened.JOSIE: This is where history was made. (TEENS ENTER with plastic
buckets, tin cans, etc. to use as drums, and sticks, utensils, etc. to use as drumsticks. They begin to rap with JOSIE and JOE. [NOTE: A recorded drumbeat can be used to supplement the beat of the teenagers’ drums.])
JOSIE: (Raps.) It happened in the hood! It happened in the hood!This is the story of what happened in the hood.
JOE: (Raps.) We were just chillin’, and we were livin’ good,Doing our thing just because we could.
ALL: (Raps.) It happened in the hood! It happened in the hood!This is the story of what happened in the hood.
JOE: (Raps.) We never really thought that anything could—JOSIE: (Raps.) Happen like it happened. It happened in the hood!ALL: (Rap.) It happened in the hood!
It happened in the hood!It happened, it happened, it happened in the hood!It happened in the hood!It happened in the hood!It happened, it happened, it happened in the hood! (After the rap, MALCOLM, KEISHA, MARY, and NAOMI EXIT. JOE, JOSIE, DONNA, RICO, SHADES, and JACKIE stay DOWNSTAGE.)
RICO: (To the boys.) Hey, bros! Let’s go down to the park and shoot some hoops.
JOE: Sorry, can’t make it.JACKIE: Me neither. I have to go to work stacking boxes at
Mrs. Moscavitz’s.MRS. MOSCAVITZ: (Yells from OFF in her shop.) Jackie! You get
yourself in here right now! You’re late!JACKIE: (To RICO.) Later! (Runs OFF into Mrs. Moscavitz’s store.)
GUY JANTIC: That’s true, but what’s going to happen tomorrow, little girl? Is the guardian angel of tax evaders going to flit down to earth and help your Mr. Fineburg out? Is money going to fall from the sky to pay for his overdue bill? I don’t think so. I—
MR. FINEBURG: Think what you like, Mr. Jantic. Money may not fall from the sky, but apparently it can come in the mail!
GUY JANTIC: What are you talking about?JENNY: (Holds up the crate of letters.) I have here more than enough
money to pay Mr. Fineburg’s bill. It’s come from people all over the world!
GUY JANTIC: What?!JIMMY: It’s from people who have seen my video on YouTube!SALLY: And Facebook!JENNY: That’s right. And Twitter, Mr. Jantic. Thousands of people have
been tweeting about you for the last two weeks. Everyone knows about your underhanded actions!
GUY JANTIC: This is ridiculous!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: The only ridiculous thing here is you, Mr. Nose-
in-the-Air!MRS. MENDEZ: So go back to your fancy office!MR. HOUDINI: And take your lackeys with you!MISS BOWMAN: Well said, Houdini!GUY JANTIC: (Gets in MR. FINEBURG’S face.) You… you… you have
not heard the end of this, Fineburg. You have not heard the end of it! (EXITS. GRISLY and GRAY watch him go, look at the neighbors, then hurry OFF themselves. The NEIGHBORS cheer and high-five each other.)
MR. FINEBURG: What just happened here? What is all this Facebook and tweet-tweet business?
JENNY: It’s social media, Mr. Fineburg. When you said no to the crowdfunding campaign, we uploaded a video and shared it with everyone we could.
JOSIE: It’s how Jenny got the word out about your problem.JENNY: The world’s a small place nowadays, thanks to computers.MR. FINEBURG: But they’re so impersonal!JENNY: They can be, but they also bring people together to help each
other. If you want to tell the world the truth, if you want people to hear about the injustices that happen every day everywhere, just get on the internet.
JOE: Make friends on Facebook!
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
For preview only
136
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
IN THE HOOD
Scene OneAT RISE: MRS. MOSCAVITZ arranges her fruit and vegetable stand. MRS. MENDEZ talks to MRS. JONES over coffee at the table in front of her shop. NAOMI sits on the bench with JOSIE and JOE. MR. FINEBURG sits on his stoop reading a newspaper. TOMMY, BOBBY, and AMY play hopscotch. MR. TAGLIATELLI ENTERS pushing a cart with a sign that reads “Hot Dogs”.MR. TAGLIATELLI: Hot dogs! Come get your hot dogs!MR. FINEBURG: Mr. Tagliatelli, what are you doing with that hot dog
cart? I thought you had just taken a job with the auto shop down the street.
MR. TAGLIATELLI: No, no. Forget auto shops! Who wants to work in an auto shop? This cart, Mr. Fine, is my new business venture.
MR. FINEBURG: Well, good luck with it. I’d buy a hot dog right now, but I just had lunch.
MR. TAGLIATELLI: I will come earlier tomorrow, Mr. Fine, and you can taste one of my hot dogs. They are the best in the city! Now, I better go. I don’t want to keep all the hot dog lovers waiting. Hot dogs! Come get your hot dogs! (EXITS.)
NAOMI’S MOM: (From her window.) Naomi! There’s a telephone call for you!
NAOMI: I’ll be right there, Mom. (To JOSIE.) Oh, my gosh, maybe it’s that guy I met in the park yesterday. (Runs OFF.)
MR. O’BRIEN: (ENTERS with a mailbag and letters.) Good afternoon, Mr. Fineburg. Beautiful day, isn’t it?
MR. FINEBURG: It certainly is, Mr. O’Brien. It certainly is.MR. O’BRIEN: (Offers some mail.) Here’s your mail. Hope there aren’t
too many bills in there!MRS. JONES: Mr. O’Brien, I’ve been expecting a package. Do you have
it with you?MR. O’BRIEN: Not today, Mrs. Jones. Sorry. (EXITS.)TOMMY: You stepped on a line!BOBBY: I did not!AMY: You did, too!MRS. MOSCAVITZ: Can’t you children play a decent game of
hopscotch without fighting all the time? Now get away from my shop. I have some sweeping to do! (KIDS stomp OFF, still arguing.)
OLD LADY LUTZ: (From her window.) Moscavitz! Did you get in those prunes I ordered yesterday?
JIMMY: Watch YouTube!ALL: And tweet, tweet, tweet!JENNY: You won’t have to worry about Guy Jantic anymore, Mr. Fineburg.
Thanks to the humanity of folks online, our neighborhood is safe. (EVERYONE cheers.)
MISS BOWMAN: I better bring Goldilocks back upstairs. It’s time for her lunch. And I’ll call the movie theater and tell them I won’t be needing that room, though I’m still going to take that job!
MRS. MOSCAVITZ: I think I’ll get these apples displayed where they belong—in front of my market!
JENNY: I’ll help Mr. Houdini out of these chains!MR. HOUDINI: (Struggles with the chains.) I can do it myself! I am the
Great Houdini!MRS. MENDEZ: (Taking the “Closed” sign down from her shop.) How
about some cinnamon buns for everyone? (EVERYONE cheers again. The cheers turn to hugs and pats on the back as JOE and JOSIE walk DOWNSTAGE.)
JOE: (To AUDIENCE.) So, that’s it. That’s what happened in the hood.JOSIE: Right here on 159th Street between 42nd and 43rd Avenue,
history was made.JOE: A bunch of little people…JOSIE: …with a little help from Facebook, You Tube, and Twitter…JOE: …defeated the bad guys and kept our neighborhood alive.JOSIE: We all made Mr. Fineburg raise our rents a bit so he could pay
his taxes each year.JOE: And so our homes, Mrs. Moscavitz’s market, Mrs. Mendez’s coffee
shop, and Mr. Houdini’s store would be safe for years to come.MR. HOUDINI: (Looks out from his store.) It’s an emporium! (TEENS
begin a new beat and EVERYONE joins in the rap this time.)JOSIE/JOE: (Rap.) So that is the story of what happened in the hood.ALL: (Rap.) And we’re all glad that it turned out good.MR. FINEBURG: (Raps.) I never really thought that anything could
Happen like it happened.It happened in the hood!
ALL: (Rap.) It happened in the hood!It happened in the hood!It happened, it happened, it happened in the hood!It happened in the hood!It happened in the hood!It happened, it happened, it happened in the hood!
END OF PLAY
1
5
10
15
20
25
30
35
40
For preview only
iv 37
SETTINGTime: Present.Place: The neighborhood at 159th Street and 43rd Avenue.
SET DESCRIPTIONA city block of old buildings. The building on one end should look like an apartment building with a stoop in front of it. The other buildings have cutout windows on the upper floors show where people live, and shops with doors on the ground floor, including a food market, a coffee shop, and an old junk store called “Houdini’s Emporium.” If desired, rather than full flats across the stage, these buildings can be suggested by fragmentary set pieces such as signs, door frames, and window frames. Either way, there should be a stand with fruits and vegetables in front of Mrs. Moscavitz’s market, a table with two chairs in front of Mrs. Mendez’s coffee shop, and a trunk in front of Mr. Houdini’s emporium. Also onstage are a bench and several crates for actors to sit on. Finally, there should be a street sign with “159th St” in one direction and “43rd Ave” in the other.
PRODUCTION NOTES
PROPERTIES ONSTAGEStand with fruits and vegetables (including broccoli, bananas, and zucchini), coffee shop table with cups and coffee pot, two chairs, trunk, bench, crates, street signs with “159th St” and “43rd Ave.”
PROPERTIES BROUGHT ONScene One:
Newspaper (MR. FINEBURG)Push cart with sign reading “Hot Dogs” (MR. TAGLIATELLI)Mailbag with letters (MR. O’BRIEN)Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Feather duster or dust rag (MR. HOUDINI)Key (MRS. MENDEZ)Goldfish bowl with a fish in it (MISS BOWMAN)Video camera (JIMMY)Movie clapper (SALLY)Bananas (OLD LADY LUTZ)
Scene Two:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Zucchini (MRS. MOSCAVITZ)Suitcase, backpack, laptop bag (JENNY)Bag of zucchini (MR. FINEBURG)
Scene Three:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks, mp3 player, bracelets (TEENS)Push cart with sign reading “Ice Cream” (MR. TAGLIATELLI)Book (JOSIE)Briefcase, handkerchief, paper (IRS MAN)Fruit (MRS. MOSCAVITZ)Movie clapper (SALLY)
Scene Four:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Laptop (JENNY)Fruit (MRS. MOSCAVITZ)Push cart with sign reading “Popcorn” (MR. TAGLIATELLI)Brown bag (MR. FINEBURG)Video camera (JIMMY)
For preview only
iii38
MATTHEW ..................................................................................12VERONICA ....................................................................................5MARIA .........................................................................................5
The Bad GuysGUY JANTIC ........................real estate developer ........................30MOODY ..............................Jantic’s secretary ...............................5SMITH ................................one of Jantic’s goons; does his ...........1
dirty workSTERN ................................another goon .....................................1HARTLESS ..........................another .............................................1GRISLY ...............................another .............................................3GRAY ..................................another .............................................3
Ensemble RolesNAOMI’S MOM .............................................................................5MRS. JONES ................................................................................2CUSTOMERS ................................................................................5IRS MAN ......................................................................................8WOMAN .......................................................................................1LITTLE GIRL .................................................................................3PAPPY .........................................................................................2BRITISH GENTLEMAN ...................................................................1TEXTING GIRLS .........................................................................n/aFRENCH GIRLS .............................................................................2SAFARI HUNTER ........................................................................n/aLOLA LEANNI ...............................................................................1SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWERS .......................................................n/a
Scene Five:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Chess board and pieces (JENNY, MR. FINEBURG)Video camera (JIMMY)Phone (SMITH)Tablet (STERN, HARTLESS)Notepad, pen (MOODY)Broom (MRS. MOSCAVITZ)
Scene Six:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Push cart with sign reading “For Sale” (MR. TAGLIATELLI)
Scene Seven:Baked goods (MRS. MOSCAVITZ, MRS. MENDEZ)Lemonade stand, cups, pitcher (KIDS)Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks, rags, buckets (TEENS)Laptop (JENNY)
Scene Eight:Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Money (MATTHEW, JOSIE)Envelope with money (MRS. MENDEZ, MISS BOWMAN)Notebook, pen (JENNY)
Scene Nine:Furniture, boxes, suitcases (NEIGHBORS)“Closed” sign (MRS. MENDEZ)Plastic buckets, tin cans, sticks (TEENS)Suitcase, fishbowl with a fish (MISS BOWMAN)Push cart full of fruits and vegetables (MRS. MOSCAVITZ)Backpack, laptop bag (JENNY)Crate of letters (MR. O’BRIEN)Tablet (LITTLE GIRL, BRITISH GENTLEMAN, SAFARI MAN, EXTRAS)Phones (TEXTING GIRLS, FRENCH GIRLS, LOLA, EXTRAS)
COSTUMESCostumes are exceptionally easy in the play, since most actors can wear their own modern clothes. Actors should of course wear the kind of clothes appropriate to the age and occupation of their characters. Some specifics are:
MR. HOUDINI wears an old-fashioned suit with a vest and bow tie. In Scenes Two and Nine, he wears chains. In Scenes Three and Four, he wears a straitjacket. In Scene Seven, he is wrapped in a piece of fabric that is covered in duct tape.
For preview only
ii 39
IN THE HOOD
By PAT LYDERSEN
CAST OF CHARACTERSAdult Neighbors
# of lines
MR. FINEBURG ....................kind and gentle old man; owns ..........58 the buildings in the hood
MRS. MOSCAVITZ ................owner of the fruit and vegetable ........34 market; bossy and quick to anger
MRS. MENDEZ ....................kind owner of the coffee shop ...........27MR. TAGLIATELLI .................hopeful entrepreneur ..........................6MR. O’BRIEN ......................mailman ............................................6OLD LADY LUTZ ...................grouchy old lady ...............................16MR. HOUDINI ......................owner of Houdini’s Emporium; ...........38
thinks he’s the son of Harry Houdini
MISS BOWMAN ...................flaky and flamboyant .........................41 acting teacher
JENNY ................................young computer wiz who rents a ........48 room from Mr. Fineburg
Neighborhood TeensJOSIE .................................narrates the story; Joe’s sister ..........69JOE ....................................another narrator; Josie’s brother ........74NAOMI .......................................................................................14DONNA ......................................................................................14KEISHA ......................................................................................11MARY ........................................................................................10SHADES ....................................................................................12JACKIE.........................................................................................9RICO .........................................................................................11MALCOLM ..................................................................................14
Neighborhood KidsJIMMY ................................Josie and Joe’s little brother;.............25
loves filming with an old video cameraSALLY .................................Jimmy’s friend ..................................20AMY ............................................................................................7BOBBY ........................................................................................7TOMMY .....................................................................................11
MISS BOWMAN wears a Bohemian style long skirt and flowing top. In Scene Seven, she wears a long white nightgown.
GUY JANTIC should be in a black suit and tie. His GOONS could all just wear black pants, white shirts, and black ties. Matching dark sunglasses for all of them might be a nice touch.
SOUNDDrum beats (optional), dance music, car honk.
FLEXIBLE CASTING NOTEMany roles may be played as either gender with simple changes in name and pronoun use. For instance, Naomi’s mom can become Naomi’s dad.
This show allows for a cast of 40 more with lots of room for extras as neighbors, customers, teenagers, kids, and goons.
For a smaller cast, extensive doubling is possible, having actors play multiple roles. For an even smaller cast, you can have fewer goons, teenagers, and kids by combining lines. Parts that cannot be doubled are MR. FINEBURG, MRS. MOSCAVITZ, MR. HOUDINI, MISS BOWMAN, MRS. MENDEZ, JENNY, JOSIE, JOE, JIMMY, and SALLY.
For preview only
Thank you for reading this E-view. This E-view script from Pioneer Drama Service will stay permanently in your Pioneer Library, so you can view it whenever you log in on our website. Please feel free to save it as a pdf document to your computer if you wish to share it via email with colleagues assisting you with your show selection.
To produce this show, you can order scripts for your cast and crew and arrange for performance royalties via our website or by phone, fax, or mail.
If you’d like advice on other plays or musicals to read, our customer service representatives are happy to assist you when you call 800.333.7262 during normal business hours.
Thank you for your interest in our plays and musicals.
www.pioneerdrama.com
800.333.7262Outside of North America 303.779.4035 Fax 303.779.4315
PO Box 4267Englewood, CO 80155-4267
We’re here to help!
DRAMA WITHOUT THE DRAMAWords on a page are just words on a page. It takes people to turn them into plays and musicals. At Pioneer, we want the thrill of the applause to stay with you forever, no matter which side of the curtain you’re on. Everything we do is designed to give you the best experience possible:
WHy PIOnEER:
Maintain control of your casting. We know you can’t always control who auditions. Take advantage of our many shows that indicate flexible casting and switch
the genders of your roles without restrictions. And with Pioneer, you also get access to scripts that were written for the entire
cast, not just a star lead performer like so many other mainstream musicals and plays.
adapt and custoMize.Pioneer helps you manage the number of roles in your production. We indicate where doubling is possible for a smaller cast, as well as provide suggestions where extras are possible to allow for additional actors. Both options will help you tailor your play for your specific cast size, not the other way around.
Be original.Get access to fresh, new musicals that will let your actors develop their characters instead of mimicking the same personalities we see on stage year after year.
take advantage of our teaching tools.Pioneer’s CD Sets include two high quality, studio-produced discs – one with lyrics so your students can learn by ear, the other without so they can rehearse and perform without an accompanist or pit band. You can even burn a copy of the vocal CD for each cast member without worrying about copyright laws. And with payment of your royalty, you have permission to use the karaoke CD in your actual production.
it’s like having an assistant.Use our Director’s Books and benefit from professional features designed by and for directors. Line counts, scene breakdowns, cues and notes – you’ll love our spiral-bound, 8½” x 11” books with the full script only on one side of the page to leave plenty of room for your own notes.
videotaping? We’d Be disappointed if you didn’t!With Pioneer, you’ll never have to worry about videotaping your production and posting it on YouTube. In fact, we encourage it. We understand that your production is about your performers, not our script. Make the experience the best it can be, take pictures and videos, and share them with the community. We always love seeing our scripts come to life.