Book by Eric Rockwell and Joanne BogartMusic by Eric Rockwell, Lyrics by Joanne Bogart

© Copyright 2014, by Eric Rockwell and Joanne Bogart

Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should be addressed to Eric Rockwell and Joanne Bogart c/o Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155.

All rights to this play—including but not limited to amateur, professional, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Eric Rockwell and Joanne Bogart, without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given.

These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada, Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom.

ONE SCRIPT PER CAST MEMBER MUST BE PURCHASED FOR PRODUCTION RIGHTS.

COPYING OR DISTRIBUTING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.

On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear:

1. The full name of the play2. The full name of the playwright3. The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with

Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado”

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2009 National Youth Theater Award Outstanding New Musical

GOLLY GEE WHIZ!

Book by ERIC ROCKWELL and JOANNE BOGART Music by ERIC ROCKWELLLyrics by JOANNE BOGART

Originally commissioned and produced by TADA! in New York CityArtistic Director: Janine Nina Trevens

CAST OF CHARACTERS(In Order of Speaking by Group)

# of lines

PRINCIPALS:KITTY KODGERS ........................poet; imaginative and 13

hardworkingSLAPPY SAMMERSTEIN .............serious musician; 12

fun-loving and earnestJUDY ........................................the girl next door; sweet 39

yet spunkyFREDDIE FINKELHOFFER ............total pessimist; sees 30

gloom and doom at every turnMICKEY ....................................energetic go-getter who 79

loves show bizJANE ........................................tomboy; fearless; a 12

born engineerEDITH .......................................wisecracker; in love 15

with Mac, but level-headedMAC .........................................love-sick teen; has a 9

crush on EdithMAE .........................................ugly duckling (who’s 10

really a swan!); clumsy but determined

LANA ........................................Mae’s helpful friend; 9 dancer and trumpet player

DEANNA SAPRANA.....................diva; truly talented but 22 quite self-absorbed

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TEENS/CREW ...........................energetic and talented young people who not only sing and dance, but help build the set: BOBBY ........................................4 BETTY .........................................3 TED .............................................4 MONA..........................................1 JOHNNY.......................................4 GRACE.........................................1

LITTLE KIDS ..............................the most talented children you’ve ever seen: WHEEZER ....................................1 SHIRLEY ......................................5 RODDY ......................................11 JACKIE.........................................3 ELIZABETH ...................................1 CUBBY ........................................3 LORETTA ......................................1 LULU ...........................................1

SETTINGTime: The 1930s.Place: Happyville, USA.All of the action takes place in a barn, which can be represented simply with a few hay bales and chairs. A piano is also onstage at the top of the show. In the course of one number, “We’re All Set,” the barn is transformed into a theatre for the big patriotic finale. This can be as simple as adding some red, white and blue bunting to your playing area, or it can be a more elaborate transformation, including platforms, stairs, a backdrop, etc.

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MUSICAL NUMBERSMC 1 Overture/Happyville, USA ...................Entire CastMC 1a Happyville, USA–Part Two ...................Entire CastMC 1b Happyville, USA–Playoff ......................InstrumentalMC 2 Gee, You’re Swell! .............................Judy, MickeyMC 2a Ventriloquist Entrance ........................InstrumentalMC 2b Balloon Ballerina ...............................InstrumentalMC 3 Mine Is the Best ...............................DeannaMC 4 Talkin’ Show Biz ................................Mickey, CompanyMC 4a Talkin’ Show Biz–Playoff .....................InstrumentalMC 4b Gee, You’re Swell–Incidental ...............InstrumentalMC 4c Gee, You’re Swell–Reprise ..................Judy, MickeyMC 4d Art Song ...........................................Kitty, SlappyMC 5 The Costume Mistress.......................Mac, EdithMC 6 Small Parts .......................................Little KidsMC 7 A Brand New Song .............................Slappy, Kitty, TeensMC 7a A Brand New Song–Playoff .................InstrumentalMC 8 Nobody’s Sweetheart .........................JudyMC 9 We’re All Set .....................................Jane, CrewMC 9a Actor’s Nightmare–Incidental ..............InstrumentalMC 9b A Swell Apology–Incidental .................InstrumentalMC 10 Lady Liberty Finale ............................Entire CastMC 10a Curtain Call ......................................Instrumental

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ABOUT THE MUSICAL

Golly Gee Whiz is the quintessential “backyard musical.” It’s a loving tribute to the terrific Hollywood film musicals of the 1930s and 40s that starred Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland. Big box office attractions, they portrayed the “can do” attitude of the younger generation, showing kids confronting problems and triumphing, often by putting on a show.

In terms of direction, the most important thing to find is the perfect balance between send-up and valentine. The characters are exaggerated, but sincere. Choreographically, almost every song becomes a dance. The more reminiscent of Busby Berkley, the better!

Golly Gee Whiz is all optimism. The entire cast does everything and says everything with tons of energy and earnestness. Only Freddie is the voice of doom, and even he transforms at the end of the show. Mickey in particular should have simply tons of energy. But it’s not just Mickey! The entire cast is loaded with a golly-gee-whiz sort of unstoppable optimism. The idea of these movies was that the younger generation might make the world a better place.And who knows? Maybe they were right.

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Special thanks to Janine Nina Trevens for building a place where dreams are real.

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GOLLY GEE WHIZ!

MUSIC CUE 1: “Overture/Happyville, USA.” LIGHTS UP on the interior of a barn. There is a piano, some hay bales and a few chairs around the stage. The ENTIRE CAST is ONSTAGE, except DEANNA. ALL are in various positions of boredom and dejection.SHIRLEY: (Sings.) I’m hot!BOBBY: (Sings.) I’m mad!MONA: (Sings.) I’m bored!FREDDIE: (Sings.) I’m sad!ALL: (Sing.) There’s no joy in Happyville today! (ALL sigh.)EDITH: (Sings.) I’m blue.MAC: (Sings.) Me, too.JANE: (Sings.) This stinks!TED: (Sings.) P-U!ALL: (Sing.) There’s no joy in Happyville today!BETTY: (Holds up a piece of string. Sings.) See this piece of string?

It’s my sole possession.Now tell me what’s so greatAbout the Great Depression?

LANA: (Sings.) It’s dull!JOHNNY: (Sings.) It’s hot!RODDY: (Sings.) Let’s play!ALL: (Sing.) Let’s not!

There’s no joy in Happyville today! (MUSIC continues under dialogue.)

KITTY: (Speaks.) There’s nothing to do in this town. Everything is closed down.

SLAPPY: (Speaks.) The ice cream parlor, the merry-go-round… everyone’s out of business because of the Great Depression.

JUDY: (Speaks.) There must be some way to raise money.FREDDIE: (Speaks.) If the grown-ups can’t figure out how to raise

money, how can us kids ever do it?MICKEY: (Speaks.) Now, wait a minute. What kind of attitude is that?

I’ll tell you. It’s the wrong attitude! (MUSIC OUT.) We can make things better for everyone if we all work together!

JUDY: Golly gee, Mickey, what can we do?MICKEY: Well, Judy, think about it. We’ve got brains, right?ALL: Right!

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MICKEY: We’ve got youth, right?ALL: Right!MICKEY: We’ve got talent, right?ALL: Ri… Huh?MICKEY: Of course we do! Why, I’ll bet there’s more talent in this little

town than Hollywood and Broadway put together! There’s only one thing to do—let’s put on a show!

ALL: Yay!JUDY: Why, folks’ll come from miles around to see it! It’ll put this town

on the map!WHEEZER: Happyville, USA!FREDDIE: But where can we do the show? The theatre is closed down,

too.MICKEY: (Paces.) Hmmm, let’s see…BOBBY: Well, my uncle’s got a garage.MICKEY: Nah, too greasy.BETTY: My cousin’s got a silo.MICKEY: Nah. Too high.JUDY: Wait, I know! My father’s got a barn!MICKEY: (Looks around.) You’re right, Judy! This place would be

perfect!ALL: Yay!FREDDIE: It’ll never work! You need money to put on a show!MICKEY: You don’t need money when you’ve got talent and imagination

and good-old Yankee ingenuity.JUDY: Come on, Freddie Finkelhoffer, don’t be such a wet blanket!

Don’t you know this is America? We can do anything here, (MUSIC CUE 1a: “Happyville, USA—Part Two.” Speaks.) but only if we all work together.(Sings.) I’m a girl who stands upFor what she believes.This town can be savedIf we roll up our sleeves!There’s work to be done in Happyville today!Sure, sometimes it’s hard,But we’ll make it fun,And no matter what,We can get the job done.There’s work to be done in Happyville today!

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So call on your neighbor,Your sister or brother.We all can help ourselvesIf we help one another! (GIRLS/BOYS sing oohs and aahs under the following.)

We’ll work night and day,Then whaddaya know?Out with the Depression and—

ALL: (Sing.) —on with the show!There’s work to be done in Happyville today! (MUSIC continues under dialogue.)

MICKEY: (Speaks.) Now, the first thing we need is some swell songs. Hey, Slappy! You play piano, don’t you?

SLAPPY: (Speaks.) Yeah.MICKEY: (Speaks.) Ever write any songs?SLAPPY: (Speaks.) Sure!MICKEY: (Speaks.) I mean good ones. Good enough for a show.SLAPPY: (Speaks.) Well, gee, I’d like to try, but I just write music. A

song needs words.MICKEY: (Speaks.) Right, the lyrics. Kitty, you write poems, don’t you?KITTY: (Speaks.) Well, yeah.MICKEY: (Speaks.) Well, there you go. It’s a perfect team. (Points at

SLAPPY.) You write the music, and (Points at KITTY.) you write the lyrics! (MUSIC UP.)

SLAPPY/KITTY: (Speak in rhythm.) Let’s go!(Sing.) The heaviest loadBecomes light as a feather.It doesn’t feel like workWhen we all work together!It’s worth all the pain,The sweat and the strain.We’ll do what we have toTo entertain!

ALL: (Sing.) There’s work to be done in Happyville today! (MUSIC continues under dialogue.)

MICKEY: (Speaks.) Now, we need a set.FREDDIE: (Speaks.) A set of what?MICKEY: (Speaks.) A set. It’s what you build on the stage to show…

(Gets an idea.) Say, Jane, you’re always building things.JANE: (Speaks.) You mean like my treehouses and go-carts and model

airplanes?

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MICKEY: (Speaks.) Yeah, but on stage, you get to build a whole world!JANE: (Speaks.) Sure! Who wants to help?BOBBY: (Speaks.) I do!TED: (Speaks.) Me, too! I want to paint!BETTY: (Speaks.) I want to hammer!FREDDIE: (Speaks.) I want to go home! (MUSIC UP. The CREW hums the

melody under the following stanza.)JANE: (Speaks in rhythm.) Sure, sometimes it’s hard,

But we’ll make it fun.And no matter what,We can get the job done!

JANE/CREW: (Sing.) There’s work to be done in Happyville today! (MUSIC continues under dialogue.)

MICKEY: (Speaks.) Now we need some costumes.FREDDIE: (Speaks.) Can’t we just wear our blue jeans?JUDY: (Speaks.) Oh, Freddie. This is show business. We have to look

glamorous.EDITH: (Speaks.) I can make the costumes!MAC: (Speaks.) I’ll help!JUDY: (Speaks.) It’ll mean lots of hours of close personal contact with

Edith.MAC: (Speaks.) It’s a tough job (Big smile.), but someone’s gotta do it.EDITH/MAC: (Sing.) The heaviest load

Becomes light as a feather.It doesn’t feel like workWhen we all work together! (GIRLS/BOYS sing oohs and aahs under the following.)

PRINCIPALS: (Sing.) We’ll work night and day,Then whaddaya know?Out with the Depression and—

ALL: (Sing.) —on with the show!There’s work to be done in Happyville today!

FREDDIE: (Speaks.) It’ll never work!ALL: (Sing.) Happyville, Happyville, USA! (MUSIC OUT.)MICKEY: Let’s get to work, everybody! We’ve got a show to do! (MUSIC

CUE 1b: “Happyville, USA–Playoff. The CAST runs OFF energetically in preparation for the show, leaving JUDY, MICKEY and FREDDIE ONSTAGE.

FREDDIE: (Speaks.) Mickey, this crazy idea of yours’ll never work! (MUSIC OUT.) You should just throw in the towel.

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MICKEY: The day I throw in the towel will be the day that you look on the bright side, Freddie! Now, you can be the stage manager. Go tell all the kids to get ready for auditions.

FREDDIE: This’ll never work! (EXITS.)JUDY: Mickey, I was thinking… maybe we could sing a duet in the

show.MICKEY: You and me? Gosh, that would be swell, Judy! What song did

you have in mind?JUDY: I have the perfect thing! (Plays an arpeggio on the piano [or

SOUND EFFECT: ARPEGGIO as JUDY mimes playing.]. When she opens her mouth to sing, she is interrupted as EDITH and MAC ENTER.)

MAC: Edith!EDITH: (Angry, to MAC.) Why didn’t you say you didn’t know the first

thing about costumes?MAC: Holy mackerel, Edith! Can’t you give a fella a chance?EDITH: Mickey, how did I get stuck with Mac? He doesn’t even know

how to thread a needle! We’ll never see eye to eye.MICKEY: Hold on! Hold on! Let’s try to work this out. Mac, you

volunteered for costumes. What’s the problem?EDITH: I’m so mad, I’m coming apart at the seams!MAC: (Aside to MICKEY.) I have my reasons, Mick. But you wouldn’t

understand. You’ve never been in love.MICKEY: (Understands.) Oh! I get it. Well, I think we can solve this

problem. Edith, you’re going to need someone to model the costumes, aren’t you?

EDITH: Why, sure.MICKEY: (Pushes MAC towards EDITH.) Well, here’s your model.EDITH: Well, I guess he’ll do. Come along, Mac. Let’s try you on for

size. (EXITS with MAC.)JUDY: Gosh, Mickey, that was swell of you, the way you solved their

problem like that.MICKEY: Now, you were about to sing…JUDY: Yeah, I was thinking of a song that would be just perfect for the

two of us. Something like this… (Runs to the piano and plays the same arpeggio [or SOUND EFFECT: ARPEGGIO as she mimes.]. She opens her mouth to sing, but is interrupted when JANE, FREDDIE and the CREW ENTER.)

JANE: Mickey, the tech crew here is going on strike. We’ll never have the set ready for the show!

FREDDIE: See? I told you this would never work!

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MICKEY: What’re you talking about? Going on strike for what?JOHNNY: Jane is working us too hard, Mickey. We want a soda break

once every ten minutes… that’s only fair, isn’t it?MICKEY: Only fair? Whoever said show business was fair? All that’s

important is that we get the job done. (Aside to JANE.) Jane, this is your crew. You’ve gotta treat ’em right if you want them to do a good job. Tell you what… (Pulls change out of his pocket, gives it to JANE.) Here’s 50 cents. Treat the whole crew to sodas… and keep the change!

JANE: Hey, gang! One round of sodas on the house!CREW: Yay!JANE: And then it’ll be back to work?CREW: Yes, ma’am! (JANE, FREDDIE and CREW run OFF… excitedly,

of course.)JUDY: Gosh, Mickey, there you go being swell again!MICKEY: Now, the song?JUDY: Yes, our song. (Plays the arpeggio [or SOUND EFFECT: ARPEGGIO

as she mimes.], opens her mouth to sing and stops, anticipating another interruption. There isn’t one!) Well! Whaddaya know?! (Plays the arpeggio [or SOUND EFFECT: ARPEGGIO as she mimes.], opens her mouth and is once again interrupted, this time by LANA and MAE, who ENTER. MAE wears glasses and frumpy clothes.)

MAE: (Cries.) Wahhhh!LANA: Mickey, Mae won’t stop crying. She says she can’t be in the

show.MAE: I’m too clumsy. I could never learn any dance steps. I have two

left feet!JUDY: Now, that’s just ridiculous, Mae. Stop your crying and listen to

me! We need you in this show. And you know what? You’re wrong. You’re not clumsy. She’s not clumsy, is she, Mickey?

MICKEY: Uh, well, uh…JUDY: You just need a little confidence. That’s the whole secret of

performing. If you practice really hard and believe in yourself, you’ll do just fine. Lana, why don’t you and Mae go over some dance steps together? It’s always more fun to practice with a friend. Why, I think Mae could be our Lady Liberty in the finale, don’t you think so, Mickey?

MICKEY: Uh, well, I’m not sure…JUDY: Of course, she can! Mae, repeat after me. “I’m as graceful as

a swan.”MAE: (With no confidence.) I’m as graceful as a swan?

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JUDY: That’s it! Now get to work!MAE: (Starts to EXIT with LANA.) I’m as graceful as a swan. I’m as

graceful as a—aaaagh! (EXITS with LANA. SOUND EFFECT: CRASH.)MICKEY: Gosh, Judy, you were swell just now! (MUSIC CUE 2: “Gee,

You’re Swell.”)JUDY: (Speaks.) I guess we have something in common! We’re both

swell! (Plays the arpeggio and launches into a charming song. As if by magic, MICKEY knows it and joins in. And even more magical, when JUDY gets up from the piano to join MICKEY, the piano keeps playing. Sings.) Gee, you’re swell!Golly gee, you’re swell!What a guy like you will set his mind to,Who can tell?You make life exciting.The lights! The sound!Fun things seem to happenWhen you’re around.Gee, I guessNow I should confess,I’m hatching up a tiny little scheme.Golly gee,I wish you’d stay with me.And together we could make a great team!

MICKEY: (Sings.) Gee, you’re swell!Golly gee, you’re swell!If a girl like you believes in me, thenAll is well!Your sweet face assures me.Your eyes! Your smile!Even when there’s trouble,It’s all worthwhile.Gosh, you’re grand,And you understandThat I’m more sentimental than I seem.Golly gee,If you would stay with me,Then together we would make a great team!(INSTRUMENTAL DANCE INTERLUDE.)

MICKEY/JUDY: (Sing.) Golly gee,If you would stay with me,Then together we would make a great…We would make a great team! (MUSIC OUT. FREDDIE ENTERS with

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ALL the TEENS who want to audition, including LANA, who brings on a trumpet. LITTLE KIDS filter IN to watch the auditions.)

FREDDIE: Everyone’s here for the auditions, Mickey.MICKEY: Oh! (Takes charge, lining EVERYONE up at the piano.) Okay,

everybody. Line up over here. Now, I want you all to give it your best shot and show us what you’ve got!

MONA: I’m so nervous. I’ve never played my trumpet in front of people before.

TED: I’m so scared, my knees are shaking!JOHNNY: I have to go to the bathroom.BETTY: I hope I don’t faint!MICKEY: Okay, you with the trumpet, you’re up. (LANA plays the

trumpet. MICKEY interrupts her mid-phrase.) Thank you. (LANA continues playing.) I said, thank you… (She keeps playing.) Next! (LANA moves along.)

FREDDIE: Bobby the Ventriloquist, you’re up! (MUSIC CUE 2a: “Ventriloquist Entrance.”)

BOBBY: (Steps up with a ventriloquist dummy. MUSIC OUT.) Hi, I’m Bobby, and this is Woody Wisecracker. Say, Woody, what time is it when an elephant sits on your watch? (As dummy.) Time to get a new watch! Ha, ha, ha! Hey Bobby, did you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? (As himself.) How do you know? (As dummy.) Did you ever see a rabbit wearing glasses? Ha, ha, ha!

MICKEY: Next! (BOBBY moves aside.)FREDDIE: Next up is Grace, the ballerina.GRACE: I will now dance on toe while blowing balloons. (MUSIC CUE

2b: “Balloon Ballerina.” Proceeds to dance on toe and blow up a balloon. The balloon is almost full of air when MICKEY interrupts.)

MICKEY: (Speaks.) Stop! Hold it! (GRACE lets go of the balloon, which sputters wildly around for a moment, then sits dejectedly on the floor with the other would-be stars. MUSIC OUT.) Kids, you’re great, really. But maybe Freddie’s right. Maybe this was a bad idea. What we need is real talent! Someone who can really put a song over!

CUBBY: Judy can sing!MICKEY: That’s right! We haven’t heard Judy sing yet!JUDY: Well, I do like to sing, and I was thinking that maybe…DEANNA: (ENTERS, dressed to the nines, with sunglasses and a parasol.

She’s cool, calm and every inch the professional. It’s clear that she’s done this before.) Hello, everyone.

LANA: Who’s that?JUDY: I don’t know, but I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

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DEANNA: Now, which one of you is the director?MICKEY: (A little star-struck, he looks around. FREDDIE pokes him.) Oh!

That’s me. Hi!DEANNA: (Extends her hand.) I understand you’re doing a show to

raise money for the town? Well, I’d be happy to help out however I can.

MICKEY: Great! We sure could use a hand. You can help paint the set or sew the costumes or…

DEANNA: Oh, perhaps you don’t know who I am. I’m Deanna Saprana.SHIRLEY: You’re the Deanna Saprana?RODDY: The famous singer and star of radio?DEANNA: C’est moi!JACKIE: Holy cow, a big time star right here in Happyville!ELIZABETH: Can I have your autograph?MICKEY: Miss Saprana, if you’d like to be in our show, well… gee,

that would be swell!DEANNA: (Sweet, to the OTHERS.) Of course I’d like to be in the show!

And you’ll all get the thrill of seeing me perform!MICKEY: Well, golly gee whiz! Now we have our leading lady!CUBBY: But we haven’t heard Judy yet.JACKIE: I thought we all had a chance!DEANNA: Well… you do! (MUSIC CUE 3: “Mine Is the Best.” Sings.) You

can all try out for the lead, you see,But none of you is as good as me!Though each role is important,I have but one request.I don’t care which part I playAs long as mine is the best!Mine is the best.Mine is the best.As long as mine is the best!I love the opportunityTo show off my soprano.When I hit that big high “C,”I drown out the piano.Ah, ah, ah ahhhh!Now, I’ve finished singing.I’m sure you’re all impressed.When you assign the dressing rooms,Make sure that mine is the best!

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Mine is the best!Mine is the best!Quite simply, mine is the very very very very very very very best! (MUSIC OUT.) Toodles! I’ll see you at rehearsal! Break a leg! And don’t step on my lines! (EXITS with a flourish.)

MICKEY: Now we have some real talent.FREDDIE: Gee whiz, Mickey, why did she tell us to break our legs?

She’s mean.MICKEY: No, that’s just an expression. It really means “Good luck!”FREDDIE: Then why doesn’t she just say that?KITTY: Are you sure?MICKEY: Sure. (MUSIC CUE 4: “Talkin’ Show Biz.”)

(Sings.) Those special folks who dance and singHave diff’rent words for ev’rything!You never say “Good luck,” you say “Break a leg!”If your joke isn’t funny, you’re “layin’ an egg.”You don’t just walk around—no, you “cross downstage.”The paycheck you get? “Minimum wage.”Say it with style! That’s all it is!Now you’re talkin’ show biz!(Speaks in rhythm.) If you start from the beginning, you “take it from the top.”(Sings.) If the front row is snoring, your show is a “flop.”The audience applauds at the “curtain call.”Don’t wave to your friend, you’ll “break the fourth wall.”Say it with style! That’s all it is.Now you’re talkin’ show biz!You don’t remove a prop, you “strike” it.You don’t mark a spot, you “spike” it.Put a backdrop on the wall, you “cyc” it.That’s short for “cyclorama.”It adds a lot of drama.If the stage is on a tilt, you “rake” it.If you can’t recall the tune, you “fake it.”If you’re offered any role, you take it!They don’t give out awardsUnless you’re “on the boards.”If you whisper to the audience, it’s called an “aside.”The stuff you can’t swallow? That’s called your “pride.”If you act like Bette Davis, that’s called “camp.”If you’re stallin’ for time… the band plays a “vamp.”

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Say it with style! That’s all it is!Now you’re talkin’—

ALL: (Sing.) Upstage, downstage,Center stage, act your age!Take a chance,Sing and dance,Break a leg,Lay an egg,Vamp it up, camp it up,Shake it up, make it up,Strike it, spike it,Rake it, fake it!Give your all,Curtain call,Win awardsOn the boards!Say it with style! That’s all it is!

MICKEY: (Sings.) Now you’re talkin’…ALL: (Sing.) Now we’re talkin’ show biz! (MUSIC OUT.)MICKEY: Okay, everybody, back to work! We’ve got a show to do!

(MUSIC CUE 4a: “Talkin’ Show Biz–Playoff.” ALL disperse excitedly, once again leaving MICKEY and JUDY alone ONSTAGE.)

JUDY: Gosh, Mickey, there you go being swell again. Mickey, we’ve been friends a long time now. Well, practically our whole lives. And now that we’re both going to make it big in show business, why… I was thinking, like the song says, maybe we should be a team, you and me! (MUSIC CUE 4b: “Gee, You’re Swell—Incidental.”)

MICKEY: (Speaks.) A team?JUDY: (Speaks.) Like Dick Powell and Ruby Keeler.MICKEY: (Falls under her spell. Speaks.) Like Jeanette MacDonald and

Nelson Eddy? (Gets hushed and romantic. LIGHTING SHIFTS to a special, romantic, apart-from-the-world lighting.)

JUDY: (Speaks.) Like… Fred and Ginger?MICKEY: (Very starry-eyed now, leaning towards her. Speaks.) Like…

Laurel and Hardy! (They are about to kiss when they are interrupted, this time by the LITTLE KIDS, who ENTER. MUSIC OUT. LIGHTING SHIFTS back to normal. Abrupt change in mood.) What are you kids doing here? Can’t you see we’re working?

RODDY: We want to audition!MICKEY: We can’t use any little kids. We’re trying to put on a big

show.

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RODDY: You’ll change your mind when you see what we’ve got to offer. Just take a look at this. (Gestures to SHIRLEY to show her stuff.)

SHIRLEY: I will now do a dramatic monologue from Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare while accompanying myself on the violin. (Recites as she plays violin.)“Oh, Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?Deny thy father and refuse thy name.Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.”

MICKEY: All right! Thanks. I’ve seen enough! Now I know you mean well, but we don’t need little kids. We’re trying to put on a big show! So just go on home, okay?

RODDY: But, Mickey, if you’d just give us a chance, you’d see—MICKEY: Sorry, Roddy. Theater is no place for little kids. Now go on

home.RODDY: Just you wait, Mickey, we’ll show you! Come on, kids. We’re

not welcome here. (The LITTLE KIDS EXIT, dejected.)JUDY: Gosh, that wasn’t very swell of you, Mickey.MICKEY: Aw, shucks. They’ll get over it. Children are very resilient.

Now, where were we? (MUSIC CUE 4c: “Gee, You’re Swell—Reprise.” They resume the exact positions they were in, including LIGHTING SHIFT, as though they had never been interrupted. Reprise—more romantic. Sings.)Gosh, you’re grand,And you understand…

JUDY: (Sings.) …that you’re more sentimental than you seem.JUDY/MICKEY: (Sing.) Golly gee,

If you would stay with me,Then together we would make a great team! (MUSIC OUT.)

DEANNA: (ENTERS applauding, having listened to the song from the wings.) What a delectable piece of music! Why, I simply adore it!

JUDY: You really like it?DEANNA: Like it? Why, I’m mad for it. C’est magnifique!MICKEY: Say what?DEANNA: It’ll be just the thing for me to sing in the Act One finale!JUDY: B-b-b-but, that’s our song.DEANNA: Oh, isn’t that nice for you. Now, Mickey, you do want me in

the show, don’t you?MICKEY: Why, of course, Miss Saprana!DEANNA: (Pulls herself close into MICKEY.) Call me Deanna. Then it’s

settled. I’ll be singing this for all my devoted fans. (EXITS.)

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JUDY: B-b-b-b-but…MICKEY: Deanna, I… (SLAPPY and KITTY ENTER, and gradually the

OTHER TEENS ENTER, too.)SLAPPY: Kitty and I have a song for the show, Mickey!KITTY: I think you’ll really like it!MICKEY: Well, whaddaya say, kids, do you want to hear a new song by

Slappy Sammerstein and Kitty Kodgers?ALL: Yeah! (SLAPPY goes to the piano and plays [or mimes playing].

MUSIC CUE 4d: “Art Song.” KITTY pulls out a long handkerchief and twirls it around as she sings and moves à la Isadora Duncan. It is nothing short of a very arty art song.)

KITTY: (Sings.) The golden rays of sunsetPour like honey from the sky.

SLAPPY: (Sings.) White clouds like happy horsesCome galloping, galloping, galloping by.

KITTY/SLAPPY: (Sing.) Why, oh why, can’t I? (MUSIC OUT. At the conclusion there is a smattering of applause.)

MICKEY: Gosh, Slappy, Kitty, you’ve done a really… uh… interesting… piece of, uh… musical something.

SLAPPY: This is art!KITTY: This is poetry!MICKEY: But what we need is something that people can hum and

something that’ll make people tap their toes.KITTY: I guess you’re right, Mickey. We’ll keep working on it. (She and

SLAPPY pace back and forth.)SLAPPY: (Stops suddenly and shouts.) A great idea!KITTY: (Excited.) What is it?SLAPPY: That’s what we need—a great idea!KITTY: Let’s write something that’ll put our name up in lights!SLAPPY: I can see it now… “A New Musical by Kodgers and

Sammerstein.” (They EXIT, pondering, with the TEENS.)DEANNA: (ENTERS.) Mickey, darling, I just noticed the marquee, and

my name isn’t nearly big enough. (EDITH and MAC ENTER. MAC carries a Carmen Miranda hat, EDITH carries the dress.)

EDITH: We need to try this costume on Deanna, Mickey!DEANNA: Eeek! You expect me to wear that?EDITH: Uh-oh. Pass out the bread. Here comes the baloney!MAC: It’s for the Latin number!

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DEANNA: Mickey, darling, you can’t expect me to wear that hideous costume! Need I remind you that I am a Saprana? I refuse to be dressed as a bowl of fruit! (Marches OFF.)

MICKEY: (Starts to follow.) Wait! Deanna! I… (Turns back to MAC and EDITH.) I’ll talk to her. Go ahead and finish the costume. Deanna! Wait! (EXITS as FREDDIE ENTERS.)

EDITH: That means you gotta model it, Mac! Go try it on! (MAC goes OFF into the wings to change.)

FREDDIE: What’s wrong with Miss Deanna?JUDY: Oh, I’m sure she’s a nice girl way deep down.EDITH: Way, way, way deep down.JUDY: She’s just a little high-strung.FREDDIE: This’ll never work! We’re never gonna get this show together.

And now that the director is in love with the star, we’re in really big trouble!

JUDY: Mickey… in love?FREDDIE: Yeah, can’t you tell? Every time Deanna’s around, Mickey’s

got goo-goo eyes.JUDY: Goo-goo eyes? (Pulls out her hanky to wipe her tears, then

breaks into a sob and runs OFF.)FREDDIE: Did I say something wrong?EDITH: Freddie, you’re as sharp as a basketball! Get outta here, ya big

lug! (FREDDIE EXITS.) All right, Mac, come on out!MAC: (ENTERS in the Carmen Miranda outfit.) You think this is too

fruity?EDITH: I think it’ll do. Now stand over here while I work on the hem.

I still can’t figure out what made you want to help with costumes.MAC: Shall I tell you?EDITH: I can’t wait to hear this! (MUSIC CUE 5: “Costume Mistress.”)MAC: (Sings.) I’m in love with the costume mistress,

And someday we’ll be wed.She has me on pins and needles.I’m hanging by a thread!She can dress me up. That suits me fine,Even if it itches.She’s my funny valentine,’Cause she keeps me in stitches!I have more than a vested int’restIn making her believeMy remarks are never off the cuff,And there’s nothing up my sleeve.

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I might not sing, I might not dance,But I’ll show her who wears the pants.I’m in love with the costume mistress.She’s tailor-made for me!

EDITH: (Sings.) I am more than a costume mistress,So you should be discreet.I’m designing the perfect husbandTo make my life complete. (Emphasis on “pleat!”)The single life is dreary dullEven if I kiss you.I’m strictly wife material,So don’t skirt the issue.Though your line is as smooth as satin,I hope you realizeYou should never try to pull the woolOver my hooks and eyes.You’ll be gone when summer’s done,So “shoo” before I “sock” you one!I’m more than a costume mistress.I’m cut out to be a wife!(INSTRUMENTAL DANCE INTERLUDE.)

MAC/EDITH: (Sing.) It’s nice to be so much in love.Our romance fits like a glove!

MAC: (Sings.) I’ll make the costume mistress… EDITH: (Sings.) He’ll make the costume mistress…MAC/EDITH: (Sing.) …my/his wife! (MUSIC OUT. MAC and EDITH EXIT,

as the LITTLE KIDS come running ON.)RODDY: Okay, gang we’re gonna show these older kids a thing or two,

right?LITTLE KIDS: Right!SHIRLEY: Let’s set up for our number!JANE: (ENTERS with the CREW. FREDDIE ENTERS opposite.) Okay,

gang, you’ve had your soda. Now, it’s back to work!CREW: Back to work!JANE: Wait a minute! What’s this? You little kids shouldn’t be hangin’

around here! We’ve got a set to build!RODDY: But we wanna be in the show! We have a big number to show,

Mickey! (JANE and the CREW laugh at the LITTLE KIDS.)JANE: Okay, kids, I’ll give you ten minutes and then you better be outta

here! Come on, boys, let’s get back to work painting those flats!FREDDIE: This’ll never work! (JANE, FREDDIE and the CREW EXIT.)

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SHIRLEY: Okay, kids. Mickey will be here any minute.RODDY: Let’s rehearse.MAE: (ENTERS and crosses the stage while she chants. LANA is guiding

her. All the LITTLE KIDS stare in disbelief.) I’m as graceful as a swan. I’m as graceful as a swan.

LANA: That’s it, Mae! Watch out for that chair!MAE: (Bumps into a chair.) I’m as graceful as a swan. (Knocks over a

piece of scenery.)LANA: Uh-huh. Now, just move straight ahead.MAE: I’m as graceful as a—aaaagh! (EXITS with LANA. SOUND EFFECT:

CRASH)SHIRLEY: I guess she’s going through that awkward adolescent stage.RODDY: Uh-oh! Here comes Mickey. Now, remember, kids, smile!MICKEY: (ENTERS with FREDDIE. LITTLE KIDS all stare at MICKEY with

huge smiles.) What’s this? I thought I told you kids to go home.RODDY: Not until you give us a chance. Sit right here. (Sits MICKEY

down and launches the LITTLE KIDS into a show-stopping number.) Hit it! (MUSIC CUE 6: “Small Parts.”)

LITTLE KIDS: (Sing.) There are no small parts,But lots of small actors,And we can sing and dance!There are no small parts,But lots of small actors,And we deserve a chance!We can kick up our heelsAnd flash ’em our smiles!We’ll tell a few jokesAnd lay ’em in the aisles!There are no small parts,But lots of small actors,So let’s get on with the show!There are no sure things,But lots of short singers,So let us belt it out!We can tell tall talesOr cute little zingers.It’s true without a doubt.You can give us a tryAnd see what you get.We won’t tell a lie.You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

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There are no small parts,But lots of small actors,So let’s get on with the show!

SOLO: (Sings.) They call us “squirts.”Ouch! That hurts!It’s a good thing we’re so tough.

SOLO: (Sings.) But we don’t care.We’ve got flair,When we’re out there struttin’ our stuff!(INSTRUMENTAL DANCE INTERLUDE.)

ALL: (Sing.) We can bring down the house,So watch out belowAnd wait till we kick.Aw, heck! We’ll stop the show! (LITTLE KIDS perform a kickline.)

There are no small parts,But lots of small actors,So let’s get on with the shoooooooow! (MUSIC OUT.)

MICKEY: You know, kids, you might be right, after all. The show could use something like this.

LITTLE KIDS: Yay!DEANNA: (ENTERS.) Well, isn’t this divine! Say, what are these tykes

doing here?MICKEY: They’re gonna be in the show!DEANNA: Not in my show! You know what they say, “Never work with

animals or children.” I’m sorry, kids, you’re all adorable, really, but I don’t want anyone on stage more adorable than me. So scram! (The LITTLE KIDS EXIT, once again dejected, while SLAPPY and KITTY ENTER, followed by LANA, MAE and the TEENS.)

SLAPPY: Mickey! Mickey! This time, we’ve got it.KITTY: A great idea for a song!SLAPPY: And now all we need is a melody.KITTY: And words.JOHNNY: How about something we can all dance to?TEENS: (Cheer.) Yeah!SLAPPY: You got it! (MUSIC CUE 7: “A Brand New Song.” Sings.) Swing

is all the rage today.We can work it into the play.I can feel the rhythm startin’ to sway.Roll out the piano, and we’ll start right away!

KITTY: (Sings.) A brand new song!Something bright and snappy.

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A brand new songMakes everybody happy!A brand new song!Now, Slappy, don’t get sappy!You make up the rhythm,And I’ll make it rhyme.“Moon, June, spoon…”

SLAPPY: (Sings.) A brand new song!Don’t break my concentration.A brand new song!I’m on the brink of syncopation.A brand new song!I love collaboration!I’ll make up the rhythm,And you make it rhyme!

KITTY/SLAPPY: (Sing.) It’s fun to work together.It’s really not a chore.We’ll end up with a swell new songThat’s never been sung before!

KITTY: (Sings.) A brand new song!SLAPPY: (Sings.) There’s nothin’ so appealin’.KITTY: (Sings.) A brand new song!SLAPPY: (Sings.) I think they’ve got the feelin’.KITTY/SLAPPY: (Sing.) A brand new song!

They’ll be dancin’ on the ceiling!KITTY: (Sings.) You make up the rhythm.SLAPPY: (Sings.) And you make it rhyme!LANA: (Speaks.) Hey, everybody, come on! Let’s dance! This is swell!TED: (Speaks.) Yeah, this is more like it! (The OTHERS join in.

INSTRUMENTAL DANCE INTERLUDE. Even MAE joins in, but takes a big pratfall at some point.)

KITTY: (Sings.) Skittle dee bop-a doo bop!ALL: (Sing.) Skittle dee bop-a doo bop!SLAPPY: (Sings.) Skittle dee bop dee day!ALL: (Sing.) Skittle dee bop dee day!KITTY: (Sings.) Fiddle dee dee!

Fiddle dee dee!Sing to me, baby!

ALL: (Sing.) Fiddle dee dee!Fiddle dee dee!Sing to me, baby!

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SLAPPY: (Sings.) Sing it!ALL: (Sing.) Sing it!KITTY: (Sings.) Swing it!ALL: (Sing.) Swing it!SLAPPY/KITTY: (Sing.) Swingin’ a brand new song!ALL: (Sing.) A brand new song!

There’s nothin’ so appealin’!A brand new song!I think we got the feelin’!A brand new song!They’ll be dancin’ on the ceiling!Now we got the rhythmAnd the rhyme! (MUSIC OUT.)

MICKEY: Great job! That’s a keeper! Slappy and Kitty, you’re quite a team! Okay everybody, back to work! (MUSIC CUE 7a: “A Brand New Song–Playoff.” General commotion. ALL EXIT except MICKEY and DEANNA.)

DEANNA: I’m a little tired, Mickey. Can’t we take a break? Just you and me? I sure could use a soda or something.

MICKEY: Uh, okay. And we can work on the show at the soda fountain.JUDY: (ENTERS.) Mickey…MICKEY: Yeah, Judy?JUDY: Mickey…MICKEY: Judy, be a pal and help paint the set while Deanna and I go

out for some soda pop.JUDY: But, Mickey, I thought…MICKEY: Aw, not now, Judy. Deanna needs some (Ahem.) personal

attention.DEANNA: Oh, and Judy, if you have time, could you polish my tap

shoes? They’re getting a wee bit scuffed up. Ta ta! (MICKEY and DEANNA EXIT with her on his arm.)

FREDDIE: (ENTERS, having overheard from the wings.) I’d sure like to scuff her up! Mickey sure gives her a lot of attention. I’m sorry I made you so upset when I said he was in love with her. You must be a little jealous.

JUDY: Jealous? Me? Why, of course not! Mickey and I are just… just… good friends, that all. I’m not in love with anyone! (MUSIC CUE 8: “Nobody’s Sweetheart.” During the following song, the scene becomes like closing time in a nightclub. From behind a hay bale, FREDDIE dons an apron, wipes off the top of the piano with a rag

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and listens to JUDY. He mixes her an ice-cream soda and mops up a little. Sings.)

I’m somebody’s friend,No more and no less,And how it will end is anyone’s guess,But I’m nobody’s sweetheart.I’m someone who buys what anyone sells,Believes in the liesThat everyone tells,But I’m nobody’s sweetheart.Smile through your tears,And no one will know.Who cares if you’re lonely?It’s “on with the show.”I’m somebody whoWould always be thereFor someone like you,Anytime, anywhere,But I’m nobody’s sweetheart now. (MUSIC OUT. JANE ENTERS and yells OFFSTAGE to CREW, who ENTERS with hammers, lighting equipment, curtains, flats, platforms, etc.)

JANE: Okay, gang! Bring ’er in! Judy, clear out! We’re loading in the set. Say, are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying.

JUDY: No, I’m fine. (Breaks into a sob and runs OFF. FREDDIE follows her OFF.)

JANE: Well, looks like Judy isn’t exactly wild about the set. (MUSIC CUE 9: “We’re All Set.” During the following song, JANE and the CREW create a whole new patriotic look for the set. The transformation can be as simple or as elaborate as you choose, starting with red, white and blue bunting and possibly going as far as platforms, steps, a backdrop, etc. Sings.)Actors are emotional.They’re all heart,But we run like machineryWhen we change the scenery.(Speaks.) Come on, let’s put this baby up!(Sings.) We don’t have time for nonsenseOr fights that we’ll regret.Let actors have the tearful scenes.We’re all set!No obstacle can stop us.We haven’t seen one yet!

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If something tries to slow us down,We’re all set!Costumes are too frilly.Gold lamé is silly!Who needs all that glamour?Just hand me that hammer! (JANE and CREW get to work creating the set, clearing the stage, moving crates, attaching red, white and blue bunting, etc. FREDDIE ENTERS, crosses with a clipboard, notices their work and shakes his head. It’s hopeless! He EXITS. While the CREW does its work, SLAPPY ENTERS with manuscript. KITTY, who is writing on a notepad, follows him IN. They exchange their work with one another. Perfect! A new song. They EXIT excitedly. As set work continues, DEANNA ENTERS, stands CENTER and practices the gestures to her song. She’s in the way, and the CREW has to work around her.)

JANE/CREW: (Sing.) We’re all set! (DEANNA takes the CREW’S hint here and EXITS in a huff. MICKEY ENTERS, followed by JUDY. When he sees Deanna exit, he follows her OFF. JUDY sighs and EXITS alone. MAE ENTERS, practicing her patriotic march. She seems to be doing pretty well, until… she trips. Frustrated, she EXITS. EDITH and MAC ENTER with a large sport coat to try on. He puts his arm in one sleeve. She puts her arm in the other. Happily, they EXIT together. The CREW creates a percussion ensemble [paintbrushes, brooms, sandpaper, whistle].)

(Sing.) We don’t work up our tempers.We do work up a sweat,But all our work has sure paid off.We’re all set! (MUSIC OUT. On the last note of the song, the set is complete. It is magnificent! MICKEY ENTERS with DEANNA.)

JANE: Well, whaddaya think, Mick?MICKEY: Why, this is fabulous! And you did this all in one day? This

looks like a real Broadway set. What do you think, Deanna?DEANNA: It’ll do. Will there be a spotlight for me?MICKEY: Sure, Deanna, whatever you need. (Calls OFFSTAGE.) Company

meeting! Everyone onstage! (ENTIRE COMPANY ENTERS except for the LITTLE KIDS. He gives them an opening night speech.) Okay, it’s been quite a day. We’ve written songs, rehearsed dances, built a set, made all the costumes and put together quite a show. But that’s not enough. We need even more. We need to go out there and give that audience the best show they’ve ever seen, which means—

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DEANNA: Mickey, excuse me, this is a nice little pep talk you’re giving. It’s smashing, really, but I’m a professional, so I don’t really need to hear it, n’est-ce pas? Would you all excuse me while I go powder my nose? (Begins to EXIT.) Oh! And everyone, remember—break a leg! (EXITS. SOUND EFFECT: CRASH. DEANNA screams from OFF. Some BOYS run OFFSTAGE to see what’s happened.)

KITTY: Is everything all right back there?JOHNNY: (From OFF.) No! It’s Deanna. I think she broke her leg!EDITH: (Under her breath.) Serves her right.TED: Well, she said break a leg.MICKEY: She was just talking show biz! (The BOYS carry DEANNA

ONSTAGE.)DEANNA: (In great suffering.) Mickey, darling. I… I… I won’t be able

to do the show. Not with a bum leg. Boys, to the hospital, tout de suite! Kids, you’ll have to do a great show without me, if that’s possible. And everyone, remember, break a—

ALL: Shhh! (The BOYS carry DEANNA OFF.)MICKEY: But… she was the whole show. Aw, shucks, Freddie, maybe

you were right. This was a foolish idea. Everybody, pack up your dreams and let’s call it quits. I’ll go tell the audience that we’ll refund their money.

KITTY: I guess Mickey’s right. We don’t have much of a show without Deanna.

MAE: I’ll have to play the Lady Liberty some other time.MAC: I guess Happyville will just have to stay depressed a while

longer.FREDDIE: Hold on a minute! What are you? A bunch of quitters? We’ve

all worked hard on this show, and, well, I think it just might work!LANA: Can I believe my ears? Freddie, is this you talking?FREDDIE: You got it! I’m not a quitter! We got a lot of great songs,

right?ALL: Right!MICKEY: But no star to sing them!ALL: Right!FREDDIE: What about Judy? She can sing.ALL: Yeah!MICKEY: But she doesn’t know the lyrics, the choreography or the

lines… and that audience is expecting a show in ten minutes. Judy, do you think you could learn all that?

JUDY: I’ll try!

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MICKEY: Then… let’s do it!ALL: Yay!MICKEY: Freddie, go get the little kids. Tell them they’re in the show,

too. Come on, everybody, we’ve got a show to do! (MUSIC CUE 9a: “Actor’s Nightmare—Incidental.” EVERYONE disperses and EXITS excitedly, except JUDY. OTHERS run back IN to give her notes.)

LANA: (ENTERS, speaks.) Um, Judy, remember, it’s not step-hop-left turn, it’s step-stomp-hop-left turn. (EXITS.)

KITTY: (ENTERS with a stack of sheet music, speaks.) Judy, here’s all the music! Now remember, bars 14, 23, 37 and 114 are cut. Got that? (EXITS.)

FREDDIE: (Speaks from OFF.) Five minutes, everybody! Five minutes until showtime!

EDITH: (ENTERS with a bolt of fabric, speaks.) Judy! Judy, none of Deanna’s costumes are going to fit you. Here’s some fabric. Use some of the time you have left to put your costume together. (EXITS.)

BOBBY: (ENTERS, speaks.) Judy, watch out when you’re backstage. The chickens got loose! (EXITS. SOUND EFFECT: CHICKEN SOUNDS.)

JANE: (ENTERS with two-by-four, speaks.) Judy, I still need your help with the big set change, okay? And don’t forget to watch out for wet paint backstage. Oh, and here’s my lucky two-by-four! (Hands her the two-by-four and EXITS.)

FREDDIE: (Speaks from OFF.) Three minutes ’til showtime! (MUSIC FADES OUT. JUDY, burdened with a giant pile of sheet music, a bolt of fabric and a two-by-four, begins to make her way OFF.)

MICKEY: (ENTERS, just in time to catch her.) Um, Judy… (MUSIC CUE 9b: “A Swell Apology—Incidental.” Speaks.) You have a lot of work to do, but I just wanted to take a moment to say I’m sorry. I’ve been a fool, and I haven’t been as swell as I could’ve been. So, will you forgive me and be my girl? Whaddaya say?

JUDY: (Speaks.) Golly gee whiz, Mickey! Sure! (They go for a kiss, and are interrupted by LANA and MAE, who ENTER. MAE wears a gown. MUSIC OUT.)

MAE: I’m as graceful as a swan! I’m a graceful as a swan! (SOUND EFFECT: ORCHESTRA TUNE-UP.)

FREDDIE: (From OFF.) Places, everybody!MICKEY: Judy! Quick! Go get into costume! You’ll be great! I know it!

(JUDY runs OFF.)MAE: I’m not ready!

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MICKEY: Come on, Lana, let’s make some theatre magic! (In record time, MAE is transformed in front of our eyes… LANA removes MAE’S glasses, covers her freckles with a powder puff, and places the Lady Liberty tiara on her head, then hands her flowing robes to cover the gown.)

LANA: Voilà!MICKEY: Wow, Mae! You look great! I wish I had your confidence! Now,

go out there and knock ’em dead!FREDDIE: (From OFF.) It’s showtime! Start the overture! (MUSIC

CUE 10: “Lady Liberty Finale.” MAE raises her torch, which hopefully really glows. The LIGHTS DIM LOW so all we see is the glowing torch. We hear panicked voices from OFFSTAGE while TEEN BOYS ENTER and shuffle around in the darkness to take their places.)

CUBBY: (Speaks.) Wait, where’s my bowtie?LORETTA: (Speaks.) I can’t find my left shoe!LULU: (Speaks.) Tell them to hold the curtain, one of the goats is

eating Lana’s costume!JACKIE: (Speaks loudly.) Wait, I can’t go onstage, I have laryngitis!RODDY: (Speaks.) If you have laryngitis, why are you screaming?LANA: (Speaks.) Is everybody ready?LITTLE KIDS: (Speak.) No!FREDDIE: (Speaks.) Curtain going up! (When the LIGHTS COME UP, we

are seeing the finale of the show… a big patriotic conclusion. TEEN BOYS and MAE are ONSTAGE.)

BOY’S CHORUS: (Sings.) Liberty!Miss Liberty!Lady Liberty!Miss Lady Liberty! (MAE takes several different graceful poses, the very picture of elegance and charm. The BOYS CHORUS hums under the following solo.)

ONE BOY: (Sings.) There’s our Lady Liberty.Say, how do you do?Her three fav’rite colors areRed, white and blue.

BOY’S CHORUS: (Sings.) Her crown has clearly signifiedShe’s reserved and dignified.

ANOTHER BOY: (Speaks in rhythm.) Hi there, little cutie pie.MAE: (Sings.) That’s Miss Liberty to you!JUDY: (ENTERS. Speaks.) Wait—that’s so old-fashioned! Get with it,

boys! (Sings.) Liberty is no lady.

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Liberty is no lady.She gets tough when she needs to be!

JUDY/MAE: (Sing.) If you’re ever in a jam,Then along with Uncle Sam,She’ll fight for the right to be free!

JUDY: (Sings.) Liberty—BOYS: (Speak in rhythm.) She’s fine!JUDY: (Sings.) —is no lady!

Liberty—BOYS: (Speak in rhythm.) She’s mine!JUDY: (Sings.) —is no lady!JUDY/BOYS: (Sing.) When she lets loose, the bells of freedom ring!BOYS: (Sing.) The bells of freedom ring!JUDY: (Sings.) She’s a gal.BOYS: (Speak in rhythm.) Pow!JUDY: (Sings.) She’s a pal.BOYS: (Speak in rhythm.) Wow!JUDY: (Sings.) She can boost up your morale.BOYS: (Sing under the above line.) Ooh—ALL: (Sing.) And boy, can Miss Liberty —JUDY: (Sings.) —swing!BOYS: (Speak in rhythm, under the above line.) Swing along to a brand

new song! (MISS LIBERTY peels off her robes to reveal a swell dance costume. She dances as GIRLS CHORUS ENTERS and sings with her.)

JUDY/GIRLS CHORUS: (Sing.) A brand new song!There’s nothin’ so appealin’.A brand new song!I think we got the feelin’.A brand new song!They’ll be dancin’ on the ceiling!Now we got the rhythm…

BOYS/GIRLS: (Sing.) …and the rhyme!MICKEY/JUDY: (Sing.) Gee, you’re swell!

Golly gee, you’re swell!JUDY: (Sings.) If a guy like you believes in me, then

All is well.MICKEY: (Sings.) Your sweet face assures me.

Your eyes! Your smile!

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MICKEY/JUDY: (Sing.) Even when there’s trouble,It’s all worthwhile!Gosh, you’re grand,And you understandThat I’m more sentimental than I seem.Golly gee,If you would stay with me,Then together we could make a great team!

LITTLE KIDS: (ENTER and sing.) There are no small parts,But lots of small actors,And we can sing and dance!There are no small parts,But lots of small actors,And we deserve a chance!We can kick up our heelsAnd flash ’em our smiles.We’ll tell a few jokesAnd lay ’em in the aisles!There are no small parts,But lots of small actors,So let’s get on with the shooooooow!

JUDY: (Sings.) The heaviest loadBecomes light as a feather.It doesn’t feel like workWhen we all work together! (DEANNA ENTERS on crutches and bravely joins the company. The following three stanzas are sung as a trio.)

PRINCIPALS: (Sing.) In one little day,We put on a show,Sang our little hearts out, and whaddaya know?

DEANNA: (Sings.)Ahh—Ahh—Ahh—Ahh—

GIRLS/BOYS: (Sing.) All work together!Ooh—Aah—Whaddaya know?

ALL: (Sing.) Our work has been done in Happyville today!FREDDIE: (Speaks.) Golly gee whiz, it worked!

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ALL: (Sing.) Happyville, Happyville, USA! (OPTIONAL EFFECTS: GIANT FLAG COMES DOWN. Red, white and blue BALLOONS DROP into the house, etc. CURTAIN.)

END OF MUSICALMUSIC CUE 10a: “Curtain Call.”

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PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

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PRODUCTION NOTES

PROPERTIES ONSTAGEPiano, hay bales, a few chairs, optional additional accoutrements to make it seem like a barn. Mop propped in one corner. Apron, rag, soda glass concealed behind a hay bale.

PROPERTIES BROUGHT ONString (BETTY)Coins (MICKEY)Trumpet, powder puff, tiara, Lady Liberty robes (LANA)Ventriloquist dummy (BOBBY)Balloon (GRACE)Violin (SHIRLEY)Long handkerchief, pencil, notepad, sheet music (KITTY)Carmen Miranda hat (MAC)Carmen Miranda dress, bolt of fabric (EDITH)Handkerchief (JUDY)Clipboard (FREDDIE)Hammers, lighting equipment, curtains, flats, patriotic bunting,

platforms, sandpaper, brooms, paint brushes, whistle (CREW)Manuscript (SLAPPY)Large sport coat (EDITH, MAC)Two-by-four (JANE)Glowing Lady Liberty torch (MAE)Crutches (DEANNA)OPTIONAL: Lowering a giant American flag along with a balloon drop

of red, white and blue balloons can add some flare to the finale.

COSTUMES

MAE wears glasses and frumpy clothes. At the end, she wears flowing robes as Miss Liberty with a swing dance outfit underneath.

GRACE wears ballet slippers for her audition.

DEANNA is dressed to the nines. She wears sunglasses and carries a parasol.

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SOUND EFFECTSArpeggio, crash, chicken sounds, orchestra tune-up.

FLEXIBLE CASTING NOTEThe ensemble of TEENS/CREW and LITTLE KIDS is highly flexible. Feel free to combine roles for a smaller cast, or add as many chorus members as you’d like.

ABOUT THE REFERENCES TO FAMOUS PEOPLEAll the famous names mentioned in the show are real people. Take the time to research these entertainers to appreciate the style of the times and the high esteem in which the characters hold them. YouTube is loaded with classic scenes from these famous stars of the era.

ORIGINAL CASTSThe World Premiere of Golly Gee Whiz opened on July 9, 1999 at the TADA! Theater in New York City. Directed by Cynthia Thole, it featured the following cast:MICKEY ....................................Alexander IwachiwJUDY ........................................Julia AdolpheDEANNA SAPRANA.....................Samantha DelgattoFREDDIE FINKELHOFFER ............Norman FranklinKITTY KODGERS ........................Vicki LikitsakosSLAPPY SAMMERSTEIN .............Paul BrickmanMAC .........................................Bobby LugoEDITH .......................................Robin AtwellJANE ........................................Kirsten EilerMAE .........................................Cassie CaparelliACE ..........................................Ricardo ZayasBETTY ......................................Anjali NardiBOBBY .....................................Avery McLeanERNIE .......................................Rishabh KashyapGINGER ....................................Rebecca MarcusGRACE......................................Chanel BanksJOHNNY....................................Jordan StalsworthMONA.......................................Crystel HarrisTED ..........................................Christopher HarteBUZZ ........................................Adam MetzgerELIZABETH ................................Jessica Smith

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JACKIE......................................Valerie YawienLORETTA ...................................Alanna VaughnsLULU ........................................Emily LeavittRODDY .....................................Frankie KraftSHIRLEY ...................................Marisa SmithWHEEZER .................................Devon Beckford

The New York revival of Golly Gee Whiz opened on January 9, 2009 at the TADA! Theater. Directed by Joanna Greer, it featured the following cast:MICKEY ....................................Alec CohenJUDY ........................................Katie Lerner LeeDEANNA SAPRANA.....................Ariana SepulvedaFREDDIE FINKELHOFFER ............Noah PettyKITTY KODGERS ........................Megan Nicholson MacRaeSLAPPY SAMMERSTEIN .............Nicholas StewartMAC .........................................Adam MandalaEDITH .......................................Alex GetlinJANE ........................................Jennifer WaisMAE .........................................Lindsey EstevezJOHNNY....................................Tristan HickeyBOBBY .....................................John MoriartyMONA.......................................Simone SingletaryBETTY ......................................Georgia O’LearyTED ..........................................Joshua SchwartzHANK .......................................Niles JordanVIVIAN ......................................Amanda Joy SchwartzLANA ........................................Gabriela GrossCUBBY .....................................Jacob RossELIZABETH ................................Priscilla EstevezLULU ........................................KyLee SavageRODDY .....................................Jonathan BachSHIRLEY ...................................Martine BowmanJACKIE......................................Maddy AbrahamsWHEEZER .................................Logan Riley Bruner

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