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Leader Resources | February 14, 2021 Fix Your Eyes on Jesus’ Path to Reconciliation: "How Often … Will I forgive?” Focus Passage: Matthew 18:15-22 Other Passages Referenced: Deuteronomy 6:4; 1 Samuel 3:10; Proverbs 18:19; 19:11; Jeremiah 17:9; Matthew 5:23–24; 13:9; Galatians 6:1; 2 Timothy 3:16; Hebrews 3:13; 13:17

Sermon Recap In Matthew 18:15-20, Jesus hands us three tools to repair our relationships—go, tell, and listen. When are we to go? Jesus does not instruct us to go and tell someone they have offended us or frustrated us. Nor does He send us to confront those who have different positions than we do on disputable matters such as differences between Calvinists and Arminians, differences about whether all of the gifts of the Holy Spirit are valid for today, differences about the mode and timing of baptism, differences about the roles of men and women in the church and home. Jesus instructs His followers to go to someone who has clearly sinned against him/her. In a complementary passage, Jesus said that if we realized that we have sinned against someone, we are to go to them in an effort to be reconciled (Matt 5:23–24). Whether someone has sinned against you, or you have sinned against your brother or sister, it is your move. How do we go? When approaching someone about sinning against us, we are to be gentle (Gal 6:1); we are to be clear, using Scripture to show where the sin occurred; we are to persist if the one who sinned does not respond to the truth––“hear”. If the person does not hear when we go alone (potentially after more than one conversation), there is a serial process in which we take one or two others with us. God is so concerned about relationships that if the person still does not hear after repeated attempts, we are to take the matter before the whole church. When someone comes to us after having sinned against him/her, we find ourselves on the listening end. To hear well, these diagnostic questions may help: (1) Do I desire the truth more than I desire to be right? (2) Am I sober-minded about the condition of my heart? (Jeremiah 17:9) (3) Am I willing to take full responsibility? (4) Am I willing to say, with God’s help, I will change my behavior? God has also given us the Church to walk through the process of repairing relationships with us. Jesus went to the cross to repair our relationship with Him. Because Jesus has repaired our relationship with Him, we are called to go, tell, and listen to repair relationships with one another. One way we do that is to unite ourselves in a covenant relationship with a local church. Interpretive Helps: To treat a person as a “pagan or a tax collector” means to treat him or her as unredeemed and outside the Christian community. 1

Group Gathering

Group Check-in –– Care, Celebration, Encouragement (About 1/3 of meeting time) 1. Informal conversation to allow individuals to catch up with one another. 2. Ask if anyone would share how they’ve been hearing and obeying God’s direction.

1 Craig Blomberg, Matthew, vol. 22, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1992), 279.

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Allow the Word to Speak –– Be Hearers of the Word (About 1/3 of meeting time) READ Matthew 18:15–22 1. What from the passage or sermon was most impactful to you? 2. Were you left with any questions or confusion about the passage or sermon?

Put the Word into Practice –– Be Doers of the Word (About 1/3 of meeting time)

1. Can you think of a time that someone sinned against you? Use that experience as a practice exercise to consider how you could approach the person with gentleness and clarity, using Scripture to speak to the offense. How might you make it more about our relationships with God and one another, rather than emphasizing your own hurt or anger? (Consider Emeritus Pastor Dick Woodward’s distinction between “confronting” and “care-fronting” sin.) What Scripture would you use in your particular case to clearly identify that sin had occurred?

2. Now, can you identify a time that someone approached you after you had sinned against him/her? Use that experience as a practice exercise to consider how you might listen and hear the truth about your sin in a way that leads to repentance and forgiveness. (SIDE NOTE: If you are married, your spouse is likely the person with whom this teaching most applies. Even before your being your husband or wife, your spouse is a brother or sister in Christ. Your spouse should provide you a safe place to practice going and telling, gently, clearly, and serially.)

3. At an emotional level, how do you feel about the serial process Jesus outlines of approaching someone who has sinned without acknowledging or repenting––going to the person alone … take one or two others with you in a second visit … taking the matter before the entire congregation? … How do you square this teaching with instructions to not judge (Matt 7:1) and to take the log out of your own eye before trying to take the speck out of someone else’s eye (Matt 7:5)?

4. Have you seen the process Jesus outlined carried out? As far as you could tell, what was the outcome? 5. How does your awareness of what Jesus did to repair your broken relationship with Him influence how

you pursue repairing relationships with others? 6. Read Hebrews 3:13; 12:15–16; and 13:17 to see how church members and leaders were to play a role

in helping one another not fall into unrepentant sin. The idea of a church getting involved in one’s personal lives is countercultural and challenges our sense of “It’s none of their business.” How do you respond to the biblical instruction to tie yourself in covenant relationship to protect yourself and others from the destructiveness of sin?

7. What do you think would happen if Christians and churches followed Jesus’ instructions?

The Big Question: What do you sense God's Spirit saying to you and what concrete action will you take in response? Share your answer with the group or another trusted Christian and ask them to pray for you.

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