first rule of manipulation

8/8/2019 First rule of manipulation

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First rule of manipulation: Confidence is key.

Peter interviewed me, confident that I would want the job. He was positive. And I did. Not wanting itwasn't an option, in fact, it never even occured to me, because his confidence filled the air and

seeped into my head.

I go to the door confident that the person there is interested in what I have to say. Confident thatthey want to get involved. Positive that they are going to write me a $60 check and be happy aboutit.

And most of the time they do, because it never even occurs to them to do otherwise.

Second rule of manipulation: Use Strong Language

When I go up to the door I say "I'm out here tonight working to protect open spaces and drinkingwater quality." Working. Sometimes I say Fighting. Sometimes I just say "I'm out here protectingopen spaces." Never, under any circumstances do I say Trying. Trying is a weak word. I'm not trying.Trying implies to possibility of failure. In the words of Yoda "Do or do not, there is no try." Stronglanguage is key.

When I interviewed for my job, my boss Peter said to me, "When we hire you, you will protecthundred of acres a week." You WILL. Not try. I WILL. Strong language. Peter is the master.

When I went out for an hour by myself for the first time "You are going to get 10 contacts, 5signatures, and 3 contributions totaling $30." You ARE going to. I am going to. Not try, WILL.

Third rule of manipulation: Nod Excessively

It's amazing the power of a head nod. If you nod while you are talking to someone, they will nodback at you. Try it some time. Nod 3 or 4 times a sentance. Nod with every other word you say. Nod

til you feel like you have whiplash. You'll feel silly at first, but you will get results. It's almostimpossible not to nod back to someone whose head is bobbing like a pigeon, and they end upagreeing with you before they even know what you are saying.

Peter, at the end of my interview, "This is (nod) the job (nod) for you (nod), right (nod)"

And my head just bobbed right along with him. "Sure is (nod nod nod nod)!"



Fourth rule of manipulation: Never ask questions, but make it seem like you are

Never never EVER do I ask someone to make a contribution. I tell them they can. I tell them they will.

But they THINK I am asking.

"We have a household goal of $60 once for the year. We only come around once a year and $60gives us $5 a month to budget with, fight the cause in your name and win. You can meet that goaltonight, right."

Notice there is no question mark at the end of that sentence. That's because my voice doesn't go upat the end. That "question inflection" is called upspeak, and that is weak. I'm not asking. The words Iuse make it sound like a question, but my tone sounds like I am stating a cold hard fact. You can sayno to a question, it's a lot harder to say no to a fact.

Go back to the way Peter "asked" me if I wanted the job.

"This is the job for you, right."

It wasn't a question. So I couldn't say no even if I'd wanted to.

Fifth rule of manipulation: Be a Body Language Mirror

This one is the most fun. Because once you realize that someone you are talking to is doing it, or aswe say in the office "canvassing you" you can canvass them right back and make it a game.

If I cross my legs, Peter crosses his a few minutes later. If I lean forward, he leans forward. Once Icatch on what he's doing, it's fun to see how much he'll copy.

Playing with my earing, check.Biting my lip, check.Sitting indian style, check.Standing up for no reason, check.

Sometimes I don't think he even knows he's doing it.

It's the same thing at the door. Whatever they do, I "nonchalantly" end up doing the same thing. Itmakes the person feel comfortable with you. I mean, you are just like them, right? You must feel thesame because you look the same. You have a lot in common.

Sounds like bullshit, but it works.



Take me out shopping

I used to laugh at female profiles on dating websites that say I love shopping because I know a lotof them mean I love shopping with your money . Going shopping with you for us means, I shop, youpay. It s as simple as that. Don t you ever notice that we never needed anything until we re in yourpresence? There s not much to do in Bangkok other than going to malls anyway so it s very easy to

innocently wonder by cosmetic counters, shoes stores, etc. We d need you opinions on what looksgood on us. Get you involved a little and give you the ego boost you needed at the same time. You dfeel you have the taste and we trust your aesthetic judgment.

Now at the cash register we may act differently from person to person. The inexperienced ones of uswould just look at you expecting you to pay. The subtler ones know you might not feel comfortable if

we do that so we d reach into the purse slowly, and when you say you d pay, we d faintly say no,you d insist, and they say Awww... that s so nice of you! Of course there are a considerablenumber of us who d genuinely need something when go out with you. If we pay for our own thingswithout hesitation, you might want to consider marrying us!

Thai girls are not confrontational (until we lose it and start to throw tantrums!). We are expected byboth Asian and Western men to be submissive, and are taught to be so, so it would not bewomanlike to be forward with our wants and needs. The negotiations along the lines of No newshoes for me, no sex tonight , like what our sisters in the West may come up with, is just too bluntand not Thai-like for us. So what we can do is pout. Our famous puppy face comes very naturally forus. Guys fall for this trick all the time. They don t want to hurt their girl s feelings.

You re the man and I m helpless

We know consciously or subconsciously that there are men regardless of race who want to feel incharge, as a result, feel better about themselves. These men, knowingly or not, can t wait to helpus out with whatever we need. We d call them for stupid stuff like directions. You re foreigners andwe re local, but that s not the point. The point is to make you feel you re a great helper and weappreciate you so much. We can t get around with you giving us directions, or tell us how much itcosts to take BTS from one point to another. We may call you just to ask, I m waiting for a GIRLfriend and SHE s not here yet. It s starting to rain, what do I do? Should I keep waiting? It doessurprise me that a lot of men think it s cute.

A Your jokes are hilarious!

We know men want us to laugh at their jokes. We d laugh even though we have no clue what you retalking about. You point out to a white girl passing by and say, That girl has such a big nose. Shemust be from Israel, either that or New York! (Mean joke, I m sorry) Hey, you re talking too fast wedon t catch the word. And even if we catch the words, we still don t understand. It s too

intellectual . What does it have to do with big nose, Israel, and New York anyways? Oh well...we ll just laugh when we get a cue from you. Whenever it sounds like a punchline, we ll laugh. That s easy.Sometimes we even laugh at your effort to make it funny. And now you re impressed with us.



That s it. I m going home!

When all the pouting, sulking, crying have failed to work wonder, we still have this hardball I mLeaving card. Surprisingly to some, we do share some traits with our Western sisters. When we sayone thing, we may 90% of the time mean the opposite. It s a universal gender issue. We getinfluenced so much by Japanese cartoons. When we get up and leave our apartment key, just like

how girls in a Japanese cartoon would, it doesn t necessarily mean we re leaving for good. It simplymeans you d better come for us. We really love this trick because it s a great indicator that tells ushow well we have you wrapped around our fingers. You re supposed to call us and want to talkabout what s wrong, and that s when we demand of you what we want. No N-word, Negotiation ,here.

If you are quiet for 24 hours, then we d start to think there s something wrong with our trick. Maybewe pulled it in a wrong way? Maybe we somehow pushed the wrong button along the process?What if you take the message literally and don t call? What if you come across another girl whenwe re gone? All these maybe s and what-if s would just drive us crazy. We d be on pins and needles.We d start to bombard you with our SMSs. If those SMSs are not responded to, we d start our phonecalls. If you don t pick up the calls, we d go ballistic.

If we show you the signs at 5 points on our Ten-Point Ballistic Scale before you get back to us, thenext time around we ll do 5.5, 6, 6.5, and keep increasing. The time you take ignoring our behaviorsbefore coming for us for a talk tells us to make sure we do more next time to get what we want.It s simple behavioral psychology. The sooner you decide you re not going to put up with this crap,the better it is for your self-respect and sanity. You can rest assured that we d increase our ballisticlevel, but you just need to make sure you totally ignore us and be consistent. After a while when werealize we re not getting you for real, we d move on.

1. Manipulating someone is easy. Manipulating someone to do your bidding is a little trickier. Whywould someone willingly do something that you want them to do? Maybe you could do it in such away that they are not cognizant they are doing it. That is the ultimate goal of manipulating people todo your bidding.

2. Step2

How would someone attain that? Is there some magic formula? Is it in someone's disposition? Itcould be a little of everything. The first rule of thumb is that being pushy is not manipulation, it isbeing a bully and I despise bullies. Being forced to do something against your will because someoneis making you do it is wrong. You need to do it in such a way that they are unaware that you aredoing it.

3. Step3

The objective is to get on someone's good side. You should let them think that you are a person thatcan be trusted. (I want to state here that I am unequivocally nice and never do something that couldharm someone else. Well, one time I did, but would never do it again.) Gaining someone's trust isessential. Make sure it is genuine. Build up a rapport with the person and compliment themwhenever necessary. After a while where you feel comfortable that you are trustworthy you canbegin to experiment.



4. Step4

The first experiment should be an easy one. If it is a co worker, ask that person if he or she wouldmind getting you a cup of coffee. However, the wording must make them feel important enough sothey will do it. For example, if I had built up a co worker trust and want to experiment with a cup of coffee, I would say, "Hey Tim, I know you are extremely busy and the boss is on your ass but I amhaving caffeine withdrawal really bad. I am right in the middle of something. Would you (Not couldyou, but would you) get me a cup of coffee?" Nine out of ten times (Unless he or she is a jerk) thatperson will do it.

5. Step5

Then you could do a step further. Make sure you still are friendly with the person and even helpthem out if they need something. You could ask them to go to a golf store after work and ask themto help you pick out a club. When you get there ask them questions to see how much or little theyknow about the sport. Flatter them if they are knowledgeable. If they are not, flatter them anywayby telling them that they are probably a natural and not even know it.

6. Step6

By now, you are probably wondering how you could manipulate someone in that scenario. Well,make sure you have some cash on you and do a little research to see how much a particular clubcosts that you admire. Tell the person how much you admire the club. Speak passionately andreverently. When it is time to go to the register, make sure you are short two or three dollars.Chances are the other person will supply it. While that may seem mean and cruel, I am notsuggesting anyone go further than that. I do not want someone continually asking me to dosomething and I would get suspicious real quick.

7. Step7Twenty five years ago I employed that strategy to a deeper degree. I wanted to see if I could maketwo people get into an argument for the sheer and utter hell of it. I was a great deal different backthen and I was trying to see how far I could push two people without them realizing I was the cause.Needless to say I did it with ease and it really scared me I had that much influence on people. To thisday they are still unaware it was me who caused their disagreement.To manipulate people is easy, just do not do it for the wrong reasons. Getting your way is fine aslong as the other person is not adversely affected by it.

Automatic behavior and shortcuts.

To start with, let me ask you a question - and I want you to answer it FAST. I always do this sort of mental exercises before the serous staff begins. So... How many fingers does the man have on hishands? Good. How many on ten hands?

If you are like most people (and if not - you still can be manipulated ;), the answer will be "ten" and"one hundred", the first answer is perfectly correct, and the second - perfectly wrong.

What happened here is a shortcut, one of simple ones, called conditioning by association. One man -ten fingers on hands. Ten hands... And then some smart a... guy came and built a trap.



If you are familiar with NLP, you may notice, that we have built and instantly used an anchor, butyou don't need to know NLP to read this text.

Anyway, where is a manipulation?

Think Coca-Cola.

What does a beautiful young man (girl) drink? What? Milk?! Get out!

There are few types of mental shortcuts, some of them can be created (we showa video clip withyoung people drinking Cola and having fun), while some of them are already there. In your mind.Installed by our society and ready to be used. Example?

The following example is an illustration of so-called reciprocation rule, one of many, described in awonderful book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini.

The way this rule works is "if someone does you a favor, you owe him a favor in return". This is a"preinstalled" rule, which means you learned it when you were a child. Something like "always

return favors, or people will dislike you". A very powerful belief that almost no one questions.

And of course, it can be used to manipulate people. Have you tried a free sample in the super store?Wait a minute! This person just gave you something for free - it can be qualified as a favor! What canyou do in return?

You can buy a box of whatever he is selling. Now, compare this:

"Would you like to buy this overpriced corn flakes?"

To this:

Would you like to try this free sample? (It is not polite to decline, right?) And then - "Would you liketo buy one?" (by saying "no" you will refuse to return a favor).

By the way, the "rule" does not mention the size of a favor. Should I do same amount of "good" inreturn? Not necessarily. So it is possible to do a small favor and to ask for a big one in return. Justlike this one:

Hi, I would like to present you this flower from our local Krishna society.Thank you, I do not...No, no, please - this is for you.OK... Thanks...Would you consider making a small contribution...

Or this

"Here, let me help you with your bag"...

Or this

"I dedicated all my life to you"... (now you owe me a big one).



There is a very important difference between this technique and techniques related to NLP andHypnosis, described in other texts on this web site. A good hypnotic technique can benefit, if itincorporates "tricks" like the reciprocity, but you do not need to know hypnosis or NLP to use themanipulation technique described above.

Perhaps a metaphor may help. Imagine, that you are a hypnotist, and you need to make your subject

to stay still, looking straight forward and not responding to other noises in the room, except for yourvoice.

You can use pattern interruptions, conversational trance techniques, deepening, rapport building...It might or might not work.

But if you know, that your subject is in the military, all you need to do is to dress like a general (of the same army!), to walk in the room and to say AT-TENTION!

Want more? Let's do a hypnotic trick, called "hand levitation". You can go with "close your eyes andfeel an air balloon, attached to your wrist", or you may just ask "what time is it?" And the person'shand will go up. What? It is not the real thing? It is a trick? Yes, it is. A trick. A manipulation.

You do not have to build certain types of responses. They are already there.

And they are much more powerful than anything you can imagine...

OK, for now you probably already know why I call these types of behavior "automatic". But whatdoes it have to do with shortcuts?

If I was using NLP language, I would speak about generalization, deletion and distortion by now, butas I promised to avoid it, lets take a look at the way we think.

The world is a very complex place. There is no way for us to always keep in mind all factors we need.

Consider driving a car. Do you remember, when you were learning to operate this thing, you had topay attention to everything? And now - you just do it. How? By using shortcuts. Instead of "whenyou see the green light, slow down, look around, restart your car and carefully pass the intersection"you are just doing "when you see green - go". A shortcut, that works most of the time - untilsomeone drives on red and hits your car.

Now, when you read an article in the newspaper, how do you decide, if it is true or not? Are yougoing to the library - every time - to research the subject? No, you are using shortcuts again.

For example, if I see an article on the stock trading written by Warren Buffet himself, I will probablybelieve it more, then if the author is a chairman of the local folk music society. A shortcut.

And now comes the important part - we usually do not realize that we are using shortcuts. We justdo them. Automatically. No thinking involved. Of course it makes us vulnerable.

Don't take me wrong. We need shortcuts. They are very valuable. They help us to make decisionsfast, and with minimum efforts.

Until the same shortcuts are used in the commercials...



For example, you know what the word "sale" means, right? You place this sign in front of the store,and customers know that they came to the right place for a great bargain.

Let's experiment. Let's place the sign (as they do in newspapers when selling life insurance) andINCREASE the price. People will still come! Try it. Shop around to get an idea of what life insurancecosts and then compare it to the "great price limited time" offers in newspaper. You might find, that

(as any dictionary would confirm) the true meaning of the word "great" is "very big"...

But the trick still works...

A friend of mine owns a store. Once he was selling shoes - quite mediocre shoes, to tell the truth. Hewanted money, so he put the profit margine at 40 percent. It didn't work. Then he made it 400percent. Guess what? He sold all shoes in one day (and then had to refund most of them, but it is adifferent story).

Shortcuts are everywhere - that's why they are so important. Statistics shows that more nice-lookingguy will get a less severe sentence in the court of law - so it is a good idea to know it and to shave,and to wear a nice suite. The judge doesn't have time to get to know you better, so - unconsciously -

he is using a shortcut (beautiful people are nicer).

The salesman will sell you much more (junk) if he presents it in a particular way and in particularorder.

A politician (a man) will be more successful if he is taller, as the mater of fact a taller candidates won90 percent of president elections in USA since 1900...

Step 1: Gage the importance of the decision.

First you must decide whether or not you can feasibly make the decision for the person in question.

You obviously aren't going to be able to trick a person into falling in love with you and having yourchildren, but you can manipulate them into having sex with you! You will need to find out howimportant the decision is to the person that is making it in order to determine the weight you canhave in their choice. Remember, the smaller the decision, the more likely that you can change theoutcome to benefit you.

Step 2: Sympathize with the person.

Show sympathy towards the person making the decision. If you can trick them into thinking that youfeel for them, and that part of you agrees with the choice they are leaning towards, the simpler itwill be for you to pull the chair out from under them and get your way. At this point in theprocess, friendliness is key. Make small talk, and be sure to tell them exactly what they want to hear.Compliments never hurt, especially if they are specific and not your run-of-the-mill: "You arebeautiful" or "You are smart."

Step 3: Tell the person a convincing lie.



At this juncture, you need to start tilting the scales in your direction. Now that you've softened theperson's resolve by massaging their ego, you can sneak in a terrible lie run under nose and they willnever expect it. This lie will become the basis for the rest of your argument, so make sure it is a goodone. If somehow the person realizes they are being lied to and they call you out, return to step twoand cover your ass with more lies.

Step 4: Break the person's will.

This is the most important step in the process. It is here that you have to make the person insecureabout themselves in order to make your opinion stand above the one that they hold. When this stepis completed, the person should be questioning the way he looks, acts, smells, and especially thevalidity of his opinions. It often helps to criticize your victim's weakest physical or mental attribute,and in doing so you will distract them from the issue at hand and put their mind in another placewhile you swoop in for the kill.

1. Consider the Weight of the Situation . It is always easy to alter a simple condition. What you justhave to do is to project that you are a forward authority in any given matter. People always go forwhat has been proven right (especially by a reliable person). And if you are just simply good at that,you already have the world in your hands!

2. Unsolicited Helping or Rescuing . Help others even they do not request it, need it or want it. Thegoal is to make them owe you. The way this rule works is if someone does you a favor, you owe hima favor in return .

3. Sympathize With the Person . If you can trick people into thinking that you feel for them and thatyou stress the importance of their choice, it would be easy for you to modify the decision withoutthem fully knowing that you are changing the whole scenario. You just have to bea good speakerand then everything comes right behind after.

4. Make People Insecure About Themselves . If the decision-maker starts his statement with Thiswill not work! or I m bad at this! you have all the chances to butt in your opinion that is supposedto stand above the one he currently holds. The goal is to be in the after all I have done for you, andnow you owe me position.

5. Inspire People to Get Their Support . You have to make people believe that your opinion willmatter and it will not put them in any trouble.

6. Shame, Scold, Blame Others . You will use this technique to collect for past favors and makesomeone responsible. Your goal is to be in the it is all your fault or after all I have done for youand now you treat me like this position.

7. Use Your Power Wisel y. Use physical, verbal, intellectual power, threats etc. to put people intoone up, I am right and you are wrong position.



8 . Bod y Language . Politicians use body language widely in elections to manipulate people. You cando it, too. There are certain positions of head (bending it to the right side) and body which createspowerful manipulative effect. Don t underestimate this.

9. Find Weak Points of People . Most manipulators use this technique to manipulate women to havesex with them without any resistance which is dishonest. Anyway, you can use this i n othersituations.

1. Never reveal information or tell the truth without having an objective. Other people exist to serveyou, give them nothing without taking.2. Observe reactions carefully, but never fully believe them; people lie to themselves and othersincessantly, without thought and out of habit.3. Never keep a promise unless it is useful to do so.4. Appeal to emotions. If by some off chance your target uses reason, you can insincerely apologizefor being out of line.5. Keep your emotions on a tight leash. Use them to learn how others manipulate you, whetherconsciously or unconsciously on their part, malicious or benign.6. This is the most important: if someone more intelligent or clever than you catches on to you,remember that you can manipulate their dumber associates and use them as leverage against them.

Steps

1. 1

D etermine what the offender has done wrong this time. Plan your conversation out in your head.Try to consider what s/he will be saying in response to you.

2. 2

Plan to meet the offender one on one, but do not act upset. You don't want to scare them away!

3. 3

Meet up, act normall y, and pretend nothing is wrong.

4. 4

Bring up the problem casuall y in conversation. "So, I wanted to ask you real quick about the otherday..." or "Oh, hey, I almost forgot, about the other day..." or try "not that it's a huge deal, becauseit's not, but about the other day..."



5. 5

Tell your side of the stor y, calml y and cooll y. Don't make it seem all that bad at the beginning. Youwant to draw them in and make them really pay attention. Starting off too harsh could make themstop listening and start thinking about what they're going to say. Slowly start to add the details.Make it seem as though their action will utterly change the way your life will continue, and you don'tknow if it'll ever be the same. Don't raise your voice, that starts an argument and this is a guilt trip.They're two different things!

6. 6

Ex plain other things this person has done to you in the past to let you down in a similarfashion. Bring up the past, and don't let them forget this is not the first time they've made you feelthis way. (If it is their first time screwing you over, they don't deserve a guilt trip, yet!) Don't forgetthis offense, because if the time comes for a guilt trip, you can bring this time up then! See how itworks?

7. 7

Keep e ye contact to let the other person know you are serious. Every now and then, take in a littlesigh, while you glance left or right for a few seconds. Now look down for three seconds, look them inthe eye again, very briefly, then eyes back to the floor. Casually make eye contact again within thenext ten seconds.

8. 8

Master the art of "ping-pong-e yes". Quickly shift your focus from their left to their right eye, do itslowly at first, then speed up just a bit. You are trying to make them feel as though you will get yourquestions answered if you search their eyes enough.

9. 9

Make the other person feel the wa y you felt. Ask them questions like "has anyone ever done this toyou?" or "is this something you do to all of your friends?" or try "I didn't expect this from you, was itsomething I did?"

10. 10



Ask questions you know the y won't be able to answer like "what were you thinking? " and "howdid all of this come about?" or "what did I do to you to deserve that?"

11. 11

Remember how you planned out this conversation - now when you need it. Your offenderprobably has every reason in the book for having acted the way s/he did. Don't let up. Be ready forthese responses and let him/her know you've thought about them already by saying things like "Iknew you'd say that..." or "I've put myself in your shoes and I figured this is what you'd tell me..."This will do two things. First, the other person will know you've been thinking about this problem alot - so it must truly be bothering you. And two, s/he will feel as though you have the upper handbecause they haven't had time to prepare for this unexpected conversation.

12. 12

Wait for an apolog y. Once you're a pro, you might even be able to make them cry.

13. 13

Be satisfied with what you get. You cannot turn back time, you cannot fix the past. Just learn fromthis experience and let your relationship grow because of it.

first rule of manipulation

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