finesse - mops · 2010. 10. 7. · finesse often begins with a “big picture” assessment of what...

Volume 13, Number Two, October 2010

MOPSGuide.org

FinesseMaking your group your Own

Connections October 20102

Letter from the EditorInterim CEOShelly Radic

Executive EditorCarla Foote

EditorBeth K. Vogt

Consulting EditorAmanda Dreher

Editorial CoordinatorJackie Alvarez

Graphic DesignerHeather Swanson

Contact MOPS International at:2370 South Trenton WayDenver, CO 80231-3822

MOPS.org

Office Phone: 303.733.5353 Fax: 303.733.5770

E-mail: [email protected]

Services Representatives: 888.910.MOPS (6677)or 303.695.1930 (in the Denver metro area)

E-mail: [email protected]

To start a MOPS group, [email protected] or go to

MOPS.org/getstarted

To place a MOPShop order:MOPShop.org

© Copyright 2010, MOPS International, Inc. All rights reserved. MOPS is a federally registered

trademark of MOPS International, Inc. 1998. All rights reserved.

I own two favorite “mom” T-shirts. The one my daughters bought me is emblazoned with “World’s Best Mom.” The one I bought myself boasts this message: “When at first you don’t succeed, lower your expectations.”

The first T-shirt was presented with love. The second was purchased with a

laugh — my own — and a massive dose of reality, thanks to 25-plus years of mothering experience.

In my early mothering years, I was all about being the perfect mom. Even though it quickly became apparent I couldn’t achieve perfection, I refused to stop trying. The result? Frustration — for both me and my children.

I no longer strive for mistake-free mothering. Now I focus on finesse — being the mom God intended me to be by intentionally loving my children, being available in a way that touches their hearts, rather than just fitting them into my schedule.

Leadership is more about finesse than perfection too. The women in your MOPS group don’t expect you to be flawless. They’re looking for someone who understands them. Who understands the good days and bad days they face as mothers of preschoolers. Someone who cares about them. Someone who misses them when they don’t get to the MOPS meeting because their toddler is sick.

You’re a few months into the MOPS year. You’ve probably already had a few successes. And you’ve probably had a failure or two. That’s okay. Try again. But before you do, lower your expectations. Don’t focus on perfection. Focus on loving the women in your group.

Beth K. Vogt, Editor

Log in to the MOPS Guide!With your personalized

MOPS Guide login you can now view all of the resources from MOPS International and all of your customized Group

Management Tools in one place. Start today at MOPSGuide.org.

Thanks! MOPS International appreciates the support provided by our sponsors for the 2010-11 MOPS year. Find out more about these fine organizations at MOPS.org/sponsors.l Antiquitiesl Back to the Biblel Compassion Internationall Destiny Foods Directl Focus on the Familyl Mama Saver Cardl Operation Christmas Childl Sky Angell Tender Heartsl World Vision Micro

Your Group — Alike or Different?!If you walked into another MOPS group in another city or country, would it look like your

MOPS or MOMSnext group?

What’s the same:n Moms building relationships and a community, feeling understood because the other moms and leaders in their group “get them.” n Moms gaining confidence in their mothering by learning and growing through speakers, curriculum, book studies and/or guided discussions.n Moms extending their experience through service, creative activities, life skills demonstrations, as well as other practical accomplishments.

What’s different:n the size of groupn the age of moms n the language(s) spoken in the group n the living situations of the moms and leaders n the ages of the children

Connections, and all the leadership resources available to you through MOPS International, emphasize both the vision of why we do ministry and practical leadership ideas. Articles about Discussion Group relation-ships, or budgets, or how to connect with your Chartering Ministry apply to your group whether you have two leaders or 10, minister to teen moms or moms of elementary children, reach moms in Singapore or South Dakota.

We are all MOPS and we are for every mom!

Connections October 2010 3

LeadershipVIEW

By Shelly RadicInterim CEO

MOPS International

MOPS: A Great Place for Every Mom

The Women’s Ministry Director of a large suburban church made that statement. She cares deeply about reaching moms for Jesus and is a huge MOPS fan. As I listened further, she explained there were already so many young moms in her church wanting to attend MOPS that there wouldn’t be room for moms to invite friends from outside the church. Her concern was that MOPS would become a Christian moms club.

It happens. MOPS is by moms, for moms. While groups span

diverse denominations and Christian traditions, one fundamental desire unites all MOPS groups: to bring women one step closer to Jesus. This means MOPS is a great place for every mom — wherever she is in her faith journey — to find encouragement, friendship and support for the daily-ness of being a mom.

MOPS is also a place to learn about how much Jesus loves you and to grow in a relationship with him. We want that for every mom, especially moms who haven’t discovered a relationship with Jesus.

In some churches, MOPS groups are filled with moms who already know Jesus. Sometimes that’s because so many moms within the church need MOPS. Sometimes that happens because the group has reached out into the community and the moms they’ve invited have become Christ followers.

Hallelujah and oh, no! As believers, we’re commanded to fulfill the Great

Commission. MOPS accomplishes that by reaching moms through community. When there’s no room for unchurched moms, that’s a problem.

Sometimes MOPS groups are filled with Christian moms because no one is inviting moms who need to meet Jesus.

MOPS leaders

purposefully

invite moms

both inside and

outside their

church to MOPS.

get the WORD OUT

No hallelujahs there, just oh, no!What’s a MOPS leader to do?As the Women’s Ministry Director and I brainstormed,

she decided to reserve 20 percent of the space in the group for moms outside the church. Because there was leader-ship available, her church also started two groups. From the start, both groups intentionally made space for moms inside and outside their church. They’ve seen moms, kids and dads become Christ followers and invite other moms to MOPS.

Other MOPS leaders purposefully invite moms both inside and outside their church to MOPS. And they encour-age the women in their group to do likewise. Bring-a-friend discounts are offered on registration and Invite-a-Mom cards are distributed so everyone in the group can invite moms they meet at the park, preschool or doctors’ offices. MOPS moms and leaders connect with local pregnancy resource centers and WIC (Women, Infants, Children) offices, inviting moms in those programs to join MOPS.

MOPS International recently changed its chartering policy to help groups make more space for additional moms. The multi-group charter allows churches to try different kinds of MOPS groups to meet the needs in their community. Currently 300 churches have more than one MOPS group. MOMSnext groups, Teen MOPS groups, small MOPS@ groups, evening MOPS groups and day groups are springing up so more moms can be a part of MOPS and discover the love of Jesus.

Hallelujah! Together, we can make space and fill those spaces with moms who need Jesus, fulfilling our vision to see No Mom Alone.


Finesse:Doing MOPS Your Way

By Beth K. Vogt


Finesse: Doing MOPS Your Wayhen you think about MOPS leadership, are you constrained by a “must do” list? Or do you add splashes of self-expression to your MOPS group?

It’s so easy to lead by imitation rather than lead with finesse. Leading by imitation involves replicating someone else’s techniques. Leading with finesse frees you to develop your own flair for reaching moms of preschoolers.

Imagine your MOPS group as a lump of wet clay posi-tioned in the middle of a potter’s wheel. As a leader, you immerse your hands in that spinning, unformed mass, in the hopes of creating ... something. But what? And how? If you’re like most MOPS leaders, your first impulse is to look to other more experienced leaders to see what they did. Start there — but don’t end there.

Your MOPS group: Uniquely YoursAs both a writer and a potter, my friend Pat exudes an

abundance of artistic talent. For me, a lump of clay will always remain nothing more than a lump, no matter how I prod and push it. Pat, however, has that certain creative finesse that allows her to look at a blob of mud and see a mug or a bowl or a vase.

In the beginning, Pat copied her instructor. But her teacher didn’t just show Pat how to work the clay. She also taught Pat why she did things the way she did.

“We each become unique in our styles because the pieces come from our own imagination,” Pat explained. “You see something and think, ‘I like that. If I made one, I think I’d keep the bottom shape, but maybe do something different with the top. Or add handles ... or sprig it with a humming-bird or frog.’ So we use basic designs, but make the piece uniquely ours.”

Every MOPS group is motivated by the vision of No Mom Alone. However, you are reaching moms specific to your community — not the moms living in the next city or the next state. As a leadership team, ask: What do our moms need? And then ask: What do we have to offer them that no one else can give them?

Don’t see your small Steering Team as a negative but as an asset — an example of what God can accomplish through a united team. Sure, a lot of MOPS groups meet in the mornings at local churches. But if yours meets in the evening at a local coffee shop because that’s what works for the women you’re trying to connect with — do it!

Remember what you’re working withNobody likes to be considered merely a project or a

mission statement. As leaders, it’s important to pray and to plan out your MOPS year. But don’t put your plan ahead of the individuals in your group.

“Clay must be handled gently ... coaxed into what I want it to be,” Pat said. “If I try to force it into something, well, I’ve never been able to do that.”

There are two fundamental elements involved in pottery: the potter and the clay. In the same way, two of the key

W elements of a MOPS group are the Steering Team and the members. Be gentle with your moms. They are looking for relationships, not a program. They need encouragement, not just one more thing to do.

Think big picture — but be open to changeFinesse often begins with a “big picture” assessment of

what you hope to accomplish. As leaders, this is where you start, but it’s not where you write “The End.”

“Sometimes I change my mind after I open the clay up if it isn’t cooperating,” Pat explained. “Often things don’t go according to plan. Clay can be very frustrating. It has a mind of its own. Sometimes clay simply won’t work.”

Be willing to adjust as you discern the needs of your group. Maybe a crisis — a spouse’s short-notice deployment or a mom’s miscarriage — will require your group to band together around one woman for an extended time. Perhaps your group stays smaller than you planned — or the num-ber of moms attending explodes.

As leaders, you also have to acknowledge and pray through frustrations. Sometimes what you had planned simply won’t work. Go for Plan B. If you don’t have a Plan B, stop, take a deep breath, and figure one out.

Celebrate past successes while envisioning new ones

Avoid the trap of a “This is the way we’ve always done it” mentality. Each new MOPS year (hopefully) brings new moms to your group. Their needs change from year to year. Don’t set your leadership team on autopilot and hit the snooze button.

One of the best things I ever heard a new Coordinator say about her predecessor was, “She stepped back and supported me as I led the group my way.”

What a gift this wise woman gave — the encouragement to lead with finesse.

Finessemold yourcustomized

MOPSexperience


continued on page 6


continued from page 5

Does your Steering Team meeting run like a smoothly turning potter’s wheel? Or are things off-kilter and wobbly? Each situation requires finesse. Leaders want to be heard, utilized and valued while contributing to the overall success of the group.

Consider these scenarios and tips to help great teams thrive, good teams grow and challenged teams improve.

Mission Accomplished: Best Case ScenarioSteering Team leaders and child care arrive early, prepared to start on time. Devotion

and prayer flow into team-building, deepening the bond between the women. The agenda is followed, reports given, plans made and tasks delegated. Members feel heard by their leaders, leave with clear expectations and the confidence to complete specific assignments. Women experience a sense of team unity and individual purpose.

Situation Debrief & Plan of Action:3 Develop leadership potential and spiritual growth: Plan to attend Leadership Summit and schedule a mid-year retreat.3 Cultivate individual relationships through casual get-togethers between meetings.3 Don’t micro-manage: Delegate more responsibility as indicated.3 Take an online spiritual gifts assessment (hosannaic.org/learn/adult/spiritualgifts.asp)

to help maximize members’ unique gifts.3 Identify and begin praying about potential new team members.

Mission Delayed: Potentially Common ScenarioSteering Team leaders and child care arrive just as the meeting starts. Tension rises as

members get their kids settled. Team building and sharing is cut to get the meeting back on schedule. Attendees rush through a review of ideas and plans. Some members or topics dominate conversation, ignoring time limits. Attendees leave with a vague sense of team unity, but without complete clarity of purpose.

Situation Debrief & Plan of Action:3 Ask leaders if a different time or location would make meeting easier.3 Respect people’s time: Start and end meetings on time.3 Keep your team-building activity brief: Develop relationships outside Steering Team meetings.3 Manage time efficiently by moving quickly through simple decisions and allocating more time to challenging topics.3 Discern how to refocus team members from emotional discussions.

Mission Failed: Worst Case ScenarioSteering Team leaders arrive late, still finalizing their preparations. Printer jams. Copier

breaks. Child care arrives late. Annoyance flares when the meeting is delayed for 30 minutes. Frustration causes hurt feelings as women get further off-course with side conversations, interruptions and backtracking. Members are hurtful, rude or withdrawn, and the leader loses control of the meeting. Attendees feel ignored, causing discord and dysfunction in the team. Lingering resentments surface and remain unresolved. Unity fragments, with team purpose taking a back seat to personal agenda. Leaders have to follow-up to finish planning and do damage control to regain confidence.

Situation Debrief & Plan of Action:3 Table agenda if meeting goes awry.3 Address concerns and frustrations.3 Plan practical ways to help your team: • Call leaders between meetings to encourage and pray with them. • Recommend they enlist the help of other MOPS moms. • E-mail reminders about date/time/location of meeting and topics to be discussed.

Steering Team Finesse:Working With What You’ve Got

By Christine Geerts, Marketing and Public Relations, MOPS International


God is With Me

Alone. We can offer them our friendship — and, at some point, let them know that God is always available to them too.

... Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

Not only is God with us always, he is active in our lives. He is not an uninterested bystander. God offers us guidance — not only on the days when we feel like Super Moms, but also on the days when the MOPS meeting didn’t go as planned.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

When all is good and right in my mom-world, I feel joyful and peaceful, as if standing in the light of day. At other times, like the day I miscarried, confusion and doubt consumed me and it felt as though I was surrounded by the dark of night.

But even then, God was there with me, guiding me, holding me. To him, the light and the dark are the same. He does not become confused or lose his way in the dark. He does not become overwhelmed and distracted by the light. God is constant in all circumstances and he chooses to be with us always, guiding us and holding us firmly in his loving grasp.

W hen I was a little girl enjoying the swings on the playground, God was with me. As an excited-but-homesick 18-year-old in

the college dorm, God was with me. As I smiled and walked down the aisle toward my groom, God was with me. As I shed tears in the midst of my miscarriage, God was with me. As I learn to be a wife and mom, God is with me. As I embrace another MOPS mom who is discouraged, remind- ing her that she is not alone, God is with me.

God is omnipresent — present everywhere at once. In every moment, through every circumstance and experience, God has been and will always be with me. He is never distracted, never so busy that he loses sight of me. He is with me and he is with you.

How intimidating and embarrassing to think that God, in all his perfection and righteousness, sees me at my lowest, my weakest, my worst. And yet, how comforting to know that at all times the creator, healer, protector, King of Kings is with me. I am never alone!

In the July issue of Connections we considered the first six verses of Psalm 139, which describe how intimately God knows each of us. These next verses, Psalm 139:7-12, remind us that God is everywhere.

Where can I go from your Spirit?Where can I flee from your presence?

David opens this passage by asking where he can possibly go that God’s presence will not already be. David is acutely aware of the truth that God never leaves us, no matter the circumstance. Are you as certain that God will not leave you? Are there times when you feel alone, when you feel apart from God? Take comfort in the next line.

If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea …

No matter where we are, God is with us. God is always within reach. What a wonderful truth to share with other moms as we focus on ensuring No Mom is

By Amanda DreherAssociate Director

of Leadership

FormationSpiritual


You’re leading a Discussion Group. You’ve been given a topic to discuss — such an easy thing to do. Simply ask

a question and let the talking begin! But we’ve all been in groups where the

conversation falls flat. Where moms who have something meaningful to say remain silent. Where we meet, week after week, without ever getting past safe, surface-level sharing.

It’s just talking with a group of women. How can something so basic be so difficult?

Leading a small group of people is a task that mystifies many capable leaders. If you’ve been asked to serve as a Discussion Group Leader (DGL) this year, where do you begin? What is the oh-so-elusive secret to successfully guiding participants into meaningful discussions?

Like our children, groups experience predictable stages of development. If we understand the goals of each stage, we can facilitate purposefully to meet those goals and enable our groups to advance to deeper levels. This is the secret to better small group experiences!

There are three stages of group development: n Connection n Communication n Closure/Continuation.

Three things need to happen during the Connection stage. All members of the group have to have the opportunity to: n 1. get to know one another n 2. begin to build trust in the group n 3. increase the comfort level felt during times together.

Leaders often overlook this first stage and attempt to move on to the “good stuff” found in deep discussion. But Connecting builds a foundation upon which the other two stages will stand.

What can you do to help your group connect? Here are some ideas:

Encourage connections at a one-on-one level.Activity: Do Interviews

During your first time together, have moms pair off and interview one another. Moms take turns asking each other questions, remembering five facts about the other person to report back to the group. After 10 minutes, call the group back together so that each woman can introduce the person they interviewed.

Why this works: It can be difficult for someone to talk about themselves to a group of people they don’t know well. This activity offers moms the opportunity to talk to just one person. Reporting back to the group on someone other than themselves offers some comfort too. Participants begin to connect, which is exactly what you want!

Offer an early opportunity for personal sharing in a group.Activity: The M&M’s Game

With minimal instructions, pass around a large bag of M&M’s or Skittles and ask the MOPS moms to “take some.” Once the bag has gone around the group, explain that for each piece of candy they’ve taken, they will share something about their lives.

Connecting:Laying the Foundationfor a Strong Discussion

By Nadia Swearingen-Friesen

Nadia is a writer and national speaker with a

passion for empowering moms to embrace

intentional parenting. She loves to share at

MOPS groups and on her blog at NadiaSwearingen-

Friesen.blogspot.com.

SOLUTIONSLeadership Editor’s Note:

This is part one of a two-part series to equip Discussion Group Leaders (DGLs) to develop

healthy, intimate small groups. In this issue, writer Nadia Swearingen-Friesen explains the first stage of small group development, Connection, and the

three things that need to happen during this stage. In the January 2011 issue, we will examine the

next two stages of development: Communication and Closure/Continuation. This is a practical series to share with all your DGLs, and also with any who

might not be on the Connections mailing list.


Keep in mind that this requires more trust than the interview activity because the participants will be talking about themselves. If someone in the group has too few or too many M&M’s, feel free to offer a limit of things to share. Try five to six pieces.

Why this works: First, it’s chocolate — or candy! Second, the candy offers a great distraction. As your group begins to share, you’ll notice that while they are learning new things about one another, they primarily look at the pieces of candy. Looking directly at one another while sharing can be disconcerting to some. However, sharing details about our lives helps to build connection.

Encourage connectionsby discovering similarities.Activity: Play Commonalities Explain to the group that you are to come up with a list of things that everyone in the discussion group has in common. Initial ideas will likely be quite broad, (e.g. We all have eyes.) Ideas will become more specific the longer the group talks. Share the lists with the larger group once they are complete. Offer five minutes to accomplish this task.

Why this works: With an increased focus on diversity, we have learned to notice and honor those ways in which we differ from one another. This is an important aspect of connecting with people and valuing their individuality. However, this focus doesn’t always give us information that helps build a closer connection. Knowing what we share does just that. What we have in common leads to greater conversation and communication. This fun and fast activity fosters that outcome.

Encourage communication by getting everyone talking.Activity: Begin every discussion group with a “Whip-Around”

Simply put, this is a question asked that each mom has to answer before you begin the topic at hand. It is important that the question be easy and non-threatening, (e.g. What did you have for breakfast?)

Why this works: For many people, the longer they are in a group without talking, the longer they will remain quiet. In using the “Whip-Around,” you offer them the chance to talk about something

of little importance, but to talk nonetheless. If they are willing to talk about trivial things, it is far more likely that they will talk about something deeper in the future. By asking a risk-free question, you continue to build the comfort level of the group.

Connect on PurposeUnderstanding a small group’s developmental

stages helps you make the most of the time with your MOPS moms. Using these simple techniques assists you in leading your group through the first stage of group development — Connection — and begins easing them into the next. Taking your time and purposely building connection within your group will greatly improve the depth of discussion you experience all year long.

In the January 2011 issue of Connections, we will talk about the next two stages of group development: Communication and Closure/Continuation. Until then, look around. Small groups are everywhere! You have the opportunity to practice these simple ideas at playgroups, during meetings and even around your own dinner table. Intentionally nurturing communication is well worth the time you will spend. The trust and bonding that come from your work are priceless!



A ll people are like packages. God invites us to look beyond the outside labels and give people our attention. Jesus shows us how

to open the envelopes of people’s lives and know our neighbors beyond the roles they play. Like the

wrapping, our bodies conceal our souls within.

Each person holds unknown surprises, unique concerns, interests and

motivations. What’s inside the packages we call people?

Often we mistakenly assume we know a

human package because of a label like mom, president, teacher, prayer warrior. A person is more than the car they drive, the job they serve, the family they came from, the religion they follow. Too often we think we

know a person because we know a few of their roles.

But a person is more than what they do.People are like money; they exist beyond the

roles they play. Notice those green bills you carry around as currency. When you hand over a few dollars to pay for groceries, you have not handed over money; you’ve handed over pieces of paper with green ink. That’s all a dollar bill literally is, though we’ve agreed as a society to use these greened papers to exchange goods. That’s why they all say, “Federal Reserve Note;”

they’re worth something as long as our federal system holds. We could cut a bill into strips to use as bookmarks and it would still remain paper with green ink, but it would no longer be currency. Notice

the difference between what a dollar bill is and what a dollar bill does.

In the same way, observe the difference between what people are (a human made to reflect God) and what they do (their job or label). For instance, the kind nurse, Cynthia, we met at the hospital is more than a nurse. She could quit practicing medicine, but she would still be Cynthia, body and soul. As we talked with her, we glimpsed what was inside, her natural, human concerns. She fears God’s anger toward her for living with a man she never married. That lawn man we talked with last week isn’t only a lawn guy. He is Pedro, who works three jobs and wishes his oldest son was not running with a rough crowd. Pedro just happens to be pushing a rotor over manicured grass. Our neighbor Elisa, who drapes Buddhist prayer flags from tree to tree, is not merely a Buddhist; she could convert to another religion and still be Elisa. At core, she is a human who happens to believe that her karmic debt is heavy from poor decisions in her twenties.

We would love people better if we looked beyond their labels and opened the package of their souls. Though our conclusions differ, we can learn from British secular writer Karen Armstrong, who recommends that when we study any new religious idea, we ought to “keep asking, ‘But why? But why? ... until you come to the point where you can imagine yourself feeling the same.”

Why does our neighbor flirt and smirk and scowl? What makes her eyes gleam with anticipation? What makes her feel safe? What comforts, fears or questions does her religion bring her? Will we label the couple next door based on their Hanukkah display, or will we get to know them and discover their daily fear for their son’s safety in Iraq? Do we know the reason our friend strings prayer flags from her balcony? Beneath and inside their spirituality, who are they?

Who are we?

Taken from Coffee Shop Conversations by Dale Fincher and Jonalyn Fincher. Copyright © 2010. Used by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com. Available from MOPShop.org.

People Packages:Looking Beyond Labels

By Dale Fincher and Jonalyn Fincher

RESOURCESLeadership


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Iwalked into an informational MOPS meeting hoping to find guidance for the rough road I was on. My kids were about 3 and 1 and I had quit

my teaching job to stay home. I hoped if I stopped doing so many things, I would feel better about myself.

All my life I was a perfectionist — an everything-looks-good-on-the-outside kind of person. Before motherhood, most things went my way. If there were any road blocks, I ran right over them.

When I had my kids, something dropped in my lap that I could not control. Not an eight-pound crying infant — I’m talking about my emotions. All the birthing books and classes and advice from friends and family were of little use. A gritty, overpowering black fog knocked on my door, came inside and made itself a cup of coffee. It would be staying a while.

I felt like a failure. I yelled at the people I loved the most and kept others at arm’s length. I couldn’t do any of the things that fed my need for approval. Depression holds you under water, letting you up just long enough to not drown. Staying under water starts

looking really good after a while. I went to MOPS not knowing why I was there.

MOPS was the first place where I connected with MOPS Mentors who had been there, done that, survived and still had enough joy and love in their hearts to encourage young mothers. No word is ever wasted. No gesture is ever for nothing. Those moms were just there. They listened. They shared about their children. I was in awe of these spiritual warriors who were not bitter about life, but rejoiced! When a mom is pregnant — Praise God! Really? Because the world I formerly lived in didn’t see kids as a blessing.

While the black fog moved out, there is still “smoke damage” in my heart. There are days the black dust on the furniture grieves me. But mostly, I am happy and joyful. I still have this array of emotions that used to make me uneasy and frustrated. I’m learning to enjoy my feelings. Embracing them is like riding a roller-coaster. But I am putting my arms up in the air and rejoicing on the “up” parts and only screaming a little on the “down” parts.

This is just one mom’s story, but we know it is repeated over and over in MOPS groups around the world.

Editor’s Note:

LeadershipRESOURCES

MOPS was the

first place where

I connected with

MOPS Mentors

who had been

there, done that,

survived, and still

had enough joy

and love in their

hearts to encourage

young mothers.


Discussing finances within your MOPS group can be a challenge. Some moms want to understand how money is being used. Others want to know “what they get” for the money. It’s helpful to relate being part of a MOPS group to other organizations that charge membership fees. Organizations like the Girl Scouts and the YMCA require people to pay a fee to enjoy the benefits and resources of being part of the organization. MOPS operates much the same way.

Explore payment options with your Chartering Ministry. Many churches have online giving options and may be willing to add an option for MOPS. This allows moms to easily budget and pay their fees. Also use the Group Management Tools to set up a payment plan and track your members’ payments there.

It’s fun to offer an incentive to moms who pay their membership fees early. Share the benefits of

membership, including MomSense and Mom-E-Mail.

Realize sometimes our attitudes need a bit of reshaping as we

move away from “what we get” from our membership to “how my

membership fees help reach more moms.” Explain how their participation allows MOPS International to start more MOPS groups, provide resources and support projects and pilots that allow us to reach out to new moms.

MOPS membership is an important part of their MOPS experience. Broaden your moms’ understanding of why they pay their fees and the blessing that comes from knowing their financial support opens the door for one more mom to experience MOPS and find the support and encouragement she needs.

Leadership Challenge

By Melodi LeihRegional Developer

How do we get moms to pay their membership fee?

YOUR QUESTIONSAnswers to

Share the benefits included

with membership. Realize

sometimes our attitudes

need a bit of reshaping as

we move away from

“what we get” from our

membership to “how my

membership fees help

reach more moms.”

Communication with the Chartering Ministry is key to a successful MOPS group. As the Finance Team Leader or Coordinator you are in a unique position to strengthen that relationship by providing detailed records and accountability for the finances within your group. Whether you are new to your role or have been in it for a while, here are some ways to strengthen your relationship with your Chartering Ministry:

n Get to know the person responsible for finances within the Chartering Ministry, while giving them a chance to get to know you.

n Schedule a time to meet with them and share your passion for MOPS.

n Discuss the church accountability and reporting policies. Understanding their policies about using their tax ID number, checking accounts or online banking will be important to ensure you communicate everything they need to know.

n Create a MOPS financial report that not only provides financial accountability but also paints a picture of what God is doing in the lives of moms.

Be intentional about partnering with the Chartering Ministry to create community between the church and your MOPS group. The closer you work with the Chartering Ministry and the better you communicate with church leaders, the more you maximize your MOPS reach and the church’s reach in the community.

Thank you to Kim Ward, Community Developer Area 25, for contributing thoughts and ideas for this article.


RESOURCES from MOPS

DID yOU KNOW ... MOPS has resources for the moms in your group?n Connecting in your local group provides important relationships for the moms in your group, but the MOPS International Membership provides their connection with moms around the world. Resources include MomSense magazine, Mom-E-Mail and fun MOPS logo items. n Mom-ology.org is a great place for moms to connect and share what they are learning in their mothering journey.n MOPS.org has resource articles for particular issues moms face. Include links and information in your group newsletter so moms can access the resources. MOPS.org/help addresses topics such as depression, grief, miscarriage and more.n MOPShop.org has specially selected books that focus on what moms need to be better moms.

DID yOU KNOW ... MOPS has resources for growing your group?n Invite-a-Mom cards that you can customize and give to everyone in your group

n Posters you can hang in places moms gather in your community

n New features on the often-visited MOPS group search page and Group Management to personally connect with moms who might be interested in your group.

Visit MOPSGuide.org for more ideas.

DIDYOuKNOW ...

MOPS has resources that provide content for your group?n The Momology video curriculum that is in your Leader’s Library provides six lively sessions of content for moms. Have you explored the leader’s guide download? It has discussion questions for each topic, along with creative activity and service ideas for the six sessions, plus complete meeting ideas for six additional sessions. Simplify your planning by using these resources.n The MOMSnext Momology leader’s guide provides all of the above, customized for moms with school-age children.

DID yOU KNOW ... MOPS has resources to share the vision with your church?n Use the two minute “Why MOPS” video in a worship service to share the vision of MOPS with your church. The video is available on the MOPS Awareness DVD that was part of your Leader’s Library DVD set.n Use the three minute “Why MOPS” video with your church staff as you share the vision and results of the ministry.n Download MOPSunday resources to plan a whole service focused on the MOPS ministry.

... did you know?

For quick links to all these resources,

visit MOPSGuide.org and click on “Connections” on the “In the Know”

section.

DID yOU KNOW ... MOPS has resources to grow your leadership team?n In addition to all

the great video

resources in your

Leader’s Library,

MOPS is committed

to providing

spiritual growth

support for your

leadership team.

The new MOPS devotional book,

Out of the Spin Cycle, available at

MOPShop.org, provides content

for leaders and moms. In addition,

there is a free leader’s guide down-

load that makes it simple for you

to use Out of the Spin Cycle for

devotionals in your leadership

meetings. The leader’s guide is

available at MOPS.org/spincycle.

n Have you visited the MOPS Guide,

your online leaders resource? you’ll

find tools to help you walk alongside

the women in your MOPS group:

articles, training, handbooks. you’ll

also find ways to connect with other

MOPS leaders and MOPS International

through forums,

the idea center

and interactive

articles. Go to

MOPSGuide.org.


“I so clearly remember my first MOPS Convention.”

The excitement as our Steering Team crammed all the suitcases into the car and raced to the airport. Arriving at a new destination I probably never would have visited had it not been for MOPS. The doors opening to the first General Session — the energy of hundreds of women from all over the country running as if there was a huge sale at Macy’s, all vying for the best seat in the house. And then the fun began! A group of women came

on stage with their arms full of gifts and a huge slingshot. We all stood and raised our hands, hoping they would shoot a freebie our way. It didn’t even matter what the freebie was — just shoot something toward me! I’ll tackle anyone who gets in my way.

Who were these wonderful women bombarding me with free gifts? They were Field Leaders. What I didn’t realize was the tangible gift-toss was the proverbial icing on the cake. Field Leaders surround MOPS leaders with invaluable emotional support, encouragement and insight.

RESOURCESLeadership

My local Field Leader, Diane, called me regularly just to check in. She became a close friend. She answered my MOPS questions, kept me informed of upcoming events and then ended the conversations by praying for me, my family and my MOPS group. She had years of experience as a mother and leader. When I was sucked dry as a leader, she gave me the encouragement to keep on keeping on.

Just as no mom should mother alone, no leader should lead alone. This is how Field Leadership began: with the desire to come alongside local MOPS leaders and give them the support and resources they need to have a successful MOPS year.

How can your Field Leader benefityou as you lead your MOPS group? Field Leaders provide:n A direct line of information flowing to and from MOPS Internationaln Local support for you and your Chartering Ministryn Local leadership training held within Community Events twice a yearn Answers to your questions because of Field Leaders’ experience and wealth of knowledgen Knowledge of the MOPS International web sites and forumsn Networking with other group leaders within your MOPS Area and beyondn Conference call training eventsn Personal calls to encourage and supportn Connectivity and relationship building n A prayer partner to intercede for you and your group

If you don’t know who your Field Leader is, go to MOPSguide.org and click on Community. We are recruiting more Field Leaders to serve more groups. We also have MOPS Service Representatives able to help leaders at [email protected].

Don’t Underestimate the Value of Field Leaders

By Bonnie SmithMOPS Field Manager

From left: Christina Linnell,

Julie Pearson,

Courtney Corbett


A s I drove home from another MOPS meeting feeling disconnected, my mother’s words ran through my mind:

If you want to have a good friend, you must first be a good friend.

I thought about the MOPS moms who sat at what I called “the fun table.” The moms at “the fun table” had such a close bond with each other. You could hear it in the honest answers they gave during discussion time. They laughed at themselves and with each other at mom mishaps, yet they also called out to God in prayer for each others’ deepest needs.

I wanted what they had. I longed for genuine connection with other moms, but something kept me from experiencing it.

That day, my mother’s words struck a chord. If I was going to have genuine rela-tionships with other moms, I needed to first be the friend that I longed for. That meant opening up and sharing the real me. Up to that day, I lacked the courage to admit that sometimes I feel completely lost as a mom.

Motherhood drastically changed my friend-ships. In the past, developing close relationships was easy. Since becoming a mom, I struggled to connect with other women. Even though I want to look like I have it all together, I know how out of control I really am. My insecurity caused me to withdraw, preventing me from developing sincere friendships with other moms.

On my way home, I decided to take the chance and be the honest, genuine friend I longed for.

It’s risky taking the first step toward deeper friendships. Change meant no more trying to appear “together,” while accepting others where they are too. Showing up to MOPS when little Johnny’s diaper explosion means you only had time to blow dry half of your hair. Being comfortable without makeup and with spit-up on your clothes. Rejecting the urge to run around like a mad woman until the house is clean enough for your play date friends to eat lunch off the floor. Thinking less about impressions and more about reaching out. No apologies for being the real, imperfect, beautiful you.

Deeper friendships demand sincerity — the characteristic that has the power to turn an acquaintance into a friend.

Most other moms are longing for the same thing I am. Which one of us doesn’t need a friend who will love us even when we show up to MOPS with spit-up splattered in our hair? If we all resolve to be the friend we hope to have, this mom experience would be sweeter — and easier.

Next Step: Part of being of MOPS leader is remembering we often lead by example. How can you take the first step to be someone’s friend, rather than waiting for another mom to reach out to you? If we want the moms in our groups to experience genuine relationships, let’s be willing to open our hearts to honest, caring relationships with the women we’re leading.

By Angela BeeryCalvary Church MOPS

Pueblo, CO

A MOPS Mom’s Perspective:Friendships are Worth the Risk

MOPS International, Inc.2370 S. Trenton WayDenver, CO 80231-3822

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PAIDDenver, CO

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Discover

the secret

to better

small group

discussions!

SAVE THE DATES2011 MOPS Events

You won’t want to miss great encouragement and training

MOPSINTERNATIONAL

CONVENTIONAugust 4-6

Nashville, TN

MOM EVENTSRefreshment for

all your mom friends January 29 (Southern Ca)

and April 30 (TBD)

LEADERSHIPSUMMIT

Multiple locationswith practical and

inspirational trainingApril 2

finesse - mops · 2010. 10. 7. · finesse often begins with a “big picture” assessment of what...

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