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FINANCIAL ISSUES Financial Issues You Need To Discuss With Aging Parents A recent survey by the National Endowment for Financial Education found that seven in 10 adults say they have difficulty talking to their families about who will make financial decisions for an aging family member who loses the ability to safely handle their money. Part of the problem is the aging parent. Many elders have an attitude of secrecy about their financial situation. Deeply ingrained attitudes are not going to change. You need to work with them, by offering reassurance that you are not trying to take advantage of your parents, or take control over their lives. Reaching this emotional level in the conversation works far better than making an argument that "it's time, and you're getting old". That line just might exacerbate their fears of losing control over their lives. Secrecy is often based in these fears. Most people who have discomfort with the subject of aging parents and finances procrastinate talking about it. There are unfortunate consequences. When a crisis comes up and no one has any idea what the parents have or where to find any documents when they are needed. Unnecessary stress and panic on the part of adult children result. Or, dementia gradually affects a parent until Dad can't remember what he has or where he keeps records or his money, leading to the expense and necessity of getting the court involved to allow someone else to take over. Adult children regret waiting and doing nothing until they are forced to hire a lawyer and get a court order via a guardianship to get into the parent's accounts. A smart way to prevent the worst from happening to you is to make an appointment with yourself to bring up the subject with your aging parent at a specific time. Planning to do this after a birthday, a family event or a holiday is a good choice. Family may be together. You can ask your parents to extend the visit or your time with them to discuss business. Include any willing family members who may share the responsibility for aging parents in the future. Set a date and time and invite all to be present. Your approach is a crucial part of the path to success with the difficult subject of money. It is helpful to directly express your respect and acknowledgement of your parents' reluctance to bring up their finances for discussion. You can put it on yourself: you are concerned that if something went wrong, you would be completely lost as to how to help them. You might also say that you want them to maintain their independence for as long as possible and you are willing to take the lead to assure that, but you can't do so without the information anyone would need. If you have a friend or other relative who has had a recent health crisis, you can use that person as an example of why you need information.

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Page 1: Financial Issues You Need to Discuss With Aging Parents · An article titled “4 Financial Issues You Need To Discuss With Aging Parents” by Carolyn Rosenblatt originally appeared

FINANCIALISSUES

FinancialIssuesYouNeedToDiscussWithAgingParents

ArecentsurveybytheNationalEndowmentforFinancialEducationfoundthatsevenin10adultssaytheyhavedifficultytalkingtotheirfamiliesaboutwhowillmakefinancialdecisionsforanagingfamilymemberwholosestheabilitytosafelyhandletheirmoney.Partoftheproblemistheagingparent.Manyeldershaveanattitudeofsecrecyabouttheirfinancialsituation.Deeplyingrainedattitudesarenotgoingtochange.Youneedtoworkwiththem,byofferingreassurancethatyouarenottryingtotakeadvantageofyourparents,ortakecontrolovertheirlives.Reachingthisemotionallevelintheconversationworksfarbetterthanmakinganargumentthat"it'stime,andyou'regettingold".Thatlinejustmightexacerbatetheirfearsoflosingcontrolovertheirlives.Secrecyisoftenbasedinthesefears.Mostpeoplewhohavediscomfortwiththesubjectofagingparentsandfinancesprocrastinatetalking

aboutit.Thereareunfortunateconsequences.Whenacrisiscomesupandnoonehasanyideawhattheparentshaveorwheretofindanydocumentswhentheyareneeded.Unnecessarystressandpaniconthepartofadultchildrenresult.Or,dementiagraduallyaffectsaparentuntilDadcan'trememberwhathehasorwherehekeepsrecordsorhismoney,leadingtotheexpenseandnecessityofgettingthecourtinvolvedtoallowsomeoneelsetotakeover.Adultchildrenregretwaitinganddoingnothinguntiltheyareforcedtohirealawyerandgetacourtorderviaaguardianshiptogetintotheparent'saccounts.Asmartwaytopreventtheworstfromhappeningtoyouistomakeanappointmentwithyourselftobringupthesubjectwithyouragingparentataspecifictime.Planningtodothisafterabirthday,afamilyeventoraholidayisagoodchoice.Familymaybetogether.Youcanaskyourparentstoextendthevisitoryourtimewiththemtodiscussbusiness.Includeanywillingfamilymemberswhomaysharetheresponsibilityforagingparentsinthefuture.Setadateandtimeandinvitealltobepresent.Yourapproachisacrucialpartofthepathtosuccesswiththedifficultsubjectofmoney.Itishelpfultodirectlyexpressyourrespectandacknowledgementofyourparents'reluctancetobringuptheirfinancesfordiscussion.Youcanputitonyourself:youareconcernedthatifsomethingwentwrong,youwouldbecompletelylostastohowtohelpthem.Youmightalsosaythatyouwantthemtomaintaintheirindependenceforaslongaspossibleandyouarewillingtotaketheleadtoassurethat,butyoucan'tdosowithouttheinformationanyonewouldneed.Ifyouhaveafriendorotherrelativewhohashadarecenthealthcrisis,youcanusethatpersonasanexampleofwhyyouneedinformation.

Page 2: Financial Issues You Need to Discuss With Aging Parents · An article titled “4 Financial Issues You Need To Discuss With Aging Parents” by Carolyn Rosenblatt originally appeared

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Therearemanydimensionstotheconversationyouneedtohavewithyourparentsaboutmoneymatters.Herearesomeoftheessentials.Ifittakesmorethanonemeeting,letitbe,butatleastgetstarted.1.Legal:havetheydoneestateplanning?Whois

theirattorney?Whatlegaldocumentsdotheyhaveintheirpossession?Isthereawill,trust,durablepowerofattorneyforfinancesandhealthcaredirective?Mayyouspeakwiththeattorney?

2.Healthcare:whatmedicalinsurancedotheyhavebesidesMedicare?Whatiscovered?Istherelongtermcareinsurance?Dotheyhaveassetssetasidetopayforcareathomeshouldtheyneeditoneday?Whatamountisavailable?Mayyouhavepermissiontospeakwithdoctors?

3.Incomeandexpenses:Whatincomedotheyhaveandwhataretheirdebtsandexpenseseachmonth?Wherearetherecordsforthese?Dotheyhaveafinancialplanner?Mayyouhavepermissiontocontactthatperson?

4.Financialrecords:Wheredotheykeeptheirtaxreturns?Whopreparesthem?Wherearetheirbankaccounts,brokerageaccountsandotherrecordsofassetsmaintained?Dotheybankonline?Wheredotheykeeptheirusernamesandpasswords?

Keepingelectronicorpaperrecordstoorganizeofallthisinformationforyourselfwillbeessentialwhenahealthcrisisoccurs.Ifyourparentlosestheabilitytoremainindependentovertime,youcangraduallytakeoverresponsibilities.Somepeoplestartwithbillpayingwhenaparentbeginstomakemistakes,suchaspayingbillstwiceorforgettingtopaythem.Askifyourparenthaseverhadaproblemrememberingtopayabill.Youcanofferassistance.Ifyouhavesiblings,betransparentinalldealingsaroundyourparents'finances.Keeptrackinwritingofeverypennyyouspendontheirbehalf.Donoteverco-mingletheirfinanceswithyourown.Thiscanavertsuspicionandnastyfamilyconflictsdowntheroad.Aboveall,getpastprocrastinationandsetupthetimeforyourconversationswithyourownaginglovedones.

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Anarticletitled“4FinancialIssuesYouNeedToDiscussWithAgingParents”byCarolynRosenblattoriginallyappearedonForbes.com

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