fiction writer’s checklist what editors will look for rob smythe [email protected] by
TRANSCRIPT
FICTION WRITER’S CHECKLIST
What Editors Will Look For
A: Plot
B: Wordcraft
POVConsistencyParallel StructureGrammarWord UseSHOW not TELLNo adverbs, echoesJust Say It
Rob Smythe [email protected]
POVFirst Person
The sniper hid in the woods, his high-velocity A-92 rifle aimed at the door. He made a minute adjustment for the wind.
I opened the door and bent down to pick up the newspaper. The bullet cracked into the door behind me, head high. I dove for the ground and covered my head. I regretted not taking the warning seriously.
POVProblem: Improper POV
The sniper hid in the woods, his high-velocity A-92 rifle aimed at the door. He made a minute adjustment for the wind.
I opened the door and bent down to pick up the newspaper. The bullet cracked into the door behind me, head high. I dove for the ground and covered my head.
Thinking he’d hit me, the sniper slipped the rifle into his bag and walked away.
POVThird Person
OPTIONS
Third Person Limited
Third Person Omniscient
Close narrator
Distant narrator
POVThird Person
The sniper hid in the woods, his high-velocity A-92 rifle aimed at the door. He made a minute adjustment for the wind.
The target opened the door and bent down to pick up the newspaper. The bullet cracked into the door behind him, head high. He dove for the ground, terrified, and covered his head. He regretted not taking the warning he’d received seriously.
POVInconsistent POV
The sniper hid in the woods, his high-velocity A-92 rifle aimed at the door. He made a minute adjustment for the wind.
The target opened the door and bent down to pick up the newspaper. The bullet cracked into the door behind him, head high. He dove for the ground, terrified, and covered his head. He regretted not taking the warning he’d received seriously.
POVThird Person Omniscient - Close
Jim looked at Mr. Baker, wondering if the man thought he was capable of doing the job. He wondered if he should tell the man the real reason he left his previous place of work.
Baker leaned back in his chair, studying Jim. When he caught Jim’s eye, the boy looked away. Yes, Baker thought, the boy hadn’t told him the whole story.
POVThird Person Omniscient – Distant
Jim looked at Mr. Baker, wondering if the man thought he was capable of doing the job. Jim had always had trouble reading people. That’s why people found it easy to take advantage of him.
Baker leaned back in his chair, studying Jim. An experienced interviewer, he saw through Jim instantly. When he caught Jim’s eye, the boy looked away. Yes, Baker thought, the boy hadn’t told him the whole story.
POVThird Person Omniscient – Distant
Jim looked at Mr. Baker, wondering if the man thought he was capable of doing the job. Jim had always had trouble reading people. That’s why people found it easy to take advantage of him.
Baker leaned back in his chair, studying Jim. An experienced interviewer, he saw through Jim instantly. When he caught Jim’s eye, the boy looked away. Yes, Baker thought, the boy hadn’t told him the whole story.
POVThird Person Omniscient – Distant
Jim looked at Mr. Baker, wondering if the man thought he was capable of doing the job. When Mr. Baker extended a hand, welcoming him to the company, he almost cheered.
Over the next few months, Jim would come to regret he ever applied to work at Allied Chemical.
POVThird Person Omniscient – Distant
Jim looked at Mr. Baker, wondering if the man thought he was capable of doing the job. When Mr. Baker extended a hand, welcoming him to the company, he almost cheered.
Over the next few months, Jim would come to regret he ever applied to work at Allied Chemical.
POVThird Person Limited - Problem
The hot sun poured through the window waking Kevin up early. He moved to the left and then the right, but the intense light crept over the bed like hot wax making sleep impossible. He glanced at the curtains. His frequent travels made him careful to close the thick hotel curtains to prevent this. But he passed out last night before he had a chance to do so.
POVThird Person Limited - Problem
The hot sun poured through the window waking Kevin up early. He moved to the left and then the right, but the intense light crept over the bed like hot wax making sleep impossible. He glanced at the curtains. His frequent travels made him careful to close the thick hotel curtains to prevent this. But he passed out last night before he had a chance to do so.
POVThird Person Limited - Fixed
Kevin awoke early, bathed in sweat. The hot sun poured through the window. He glanced at the curtains, regretting not having bothered to close them completely. He put his head under the pillow. A few minutes later he gave up, and headed for the shower.
POVThird Person Limited - Problem
Kevin picked up the bag. His fingers darted for the zipper. He wanted to see what was inside.
POVThird Person Limited - Problem
Kevin picked up the bag. His fingers darted for the zipper. He wanted to see what was inside.
POVThird Person Limited - Fixed
Kevin picked up the bag. His fingers darted for the zipper.
POVThird Person Limited - Problem
Even after Greg told him about the mundane nature of his job, Kevin could hardly wait to get started. His experience analyzing and interacting with people would be helpful taking on the part of a spy; however, his exorbitant enthusiasm would make it difficult.
Greg offered him tips to remain inconspicuous. Kevin paid little attention. He was too giddy at the thought of being undercover to absorb the advice.
POVThird Person Limited - Fixed
Even after Greg told him how mundane the job would be, Kevin could hardly wait to get started. He was sure his experience analyzing and interacting with people would make him a perfect spy. He waved off Greg's advice on remaining inconspicuous. He knew he'd be a natural at undercover work.
POVLet the character tell, not the
narrator
Greg had his doubts, however, worrying that Kevin's exorbitant enthusiasm would make it difficult. Greg tried to warn him. He tried to tell him how to remain inconspicuous, but the guy just was not paying any attention. He was too damned taken with the thought of going undercover.
THOUGHTSThird Person Limited
Even after Greg told him how mundane the job would be, Kevin could hardly wait to get started. He was sure his experience analyzing and interacting with people would make him a perfect spy. He waved off Greg's advice on remaining inconspicuous. He knew he'd be a natural at undercover work.
THOUGHTSUsing ‘he thought’.
Even after Greg told him how mundane the job would be, Kevin could hardly wait to get started. He was sure his experience analyzing and interacting with people would make him a perfect spy. He waved off Greg's advice on remaining inconspicuous. I’m going to be a natural at undercover work, he thought.
THOUGHTSItalics for thoughts
Even after Greg told him how mundane the job would be, Kevin could hardly wait to get started. He was sure his experience analyzing and interacting with people would make him a perfect spy. He waved off Greg's advice on remaining inconspicuous. I’m going to be a natural at undercover work.
THOUGHTSThird Person Limited
Even after Greg told him how mundane the job would be, Kevin could hardly wait to get started. He was sure his experience analyzing and interacting with people would make him a perfect spy. He waved off Greg's advice on remaining inconspicuous. He knew he'd be a natural at undercover work.
ThoughtsItalics or in quiet speech
She doesn’t believe me. Mike felt foolish. Every few steps he looked back.
“She doesn’t believe me,” Mike
muttered, feeling a little foolish. Every few steps he looked back.
ThoughtsItalics or inline?
Where could I be? Laura ran through the possibilities. Davis Gardens? No, they have a pond but not a stream like this.
Where could she be? Laura ran through the possibilities. She knew Davis Gardens had a pond but not a stream like this.
POVThird Person Limited - Problem
Bobby couldn’t believe that the southerner was so rude. He stared forward at the television and let its picture bounce off his sunglasses.
POVThird Person What? (O or L?)
The living room of the Hay-Adams Hotel suite afforded a breathtaking view. Early morning sunlight glinted off the White House and the Washington Monument. Flowers bloomed in Lafayette Park. All of this was lost on the four men seated in the room.
POVThird Person Omniscient
The living room of the Hay-Adams Hotel suite afforded a breathtaking view. Early morning sunlight glinted off the White House and the Washington Monument. Flowers bloomed in Lafayette Park. All of this was lost on the four men seated in the room.
POVThird Person Limited
The living room of the Hay-Adams Hotel suite afforded a breathtaking view. Early morning sunlight glinted off the White House and the Washington Monument, flowers bloomed in Lafayette Park. All of this was lost on the four men seated in the room.
From her spy hole in the next room, Tanya could see how nervous they were.
What’s the Problem?
He crept through the room and closed the bathroom door behind him before he flipped the light switch. The bright lights stung his eyes. He looked at himself in the mirror. No new path. No new opportunities. Everything’s changed. I’ve been hiding for better than three years now. It’s time to stop. No more hiding. You’ve had you ass kicked back into the world. For what ever reason…fair or unfair…you’ve got to smarten up. Like it not you have to return to being the person you were before.
What’s the Problem?Consistency
He crept through the room and closed the bathroom door behind him before he flipped the light switch. The bright lights stung his eyes. He looked at himself in the mirror. No new path. No new opportunities. Everything’s changed. I’ve been hiding for better than three years now. It’s time to stop. No more hiding. You’ve had your ass kicked back into the world. For what ever reason…fair or unfair…you’ve got to smarten up. Like it not you have to return to being the person you were before.
What’s the Problem?Consistency - Fixed
He crept through the room and closed the bathroom door behind him before he flipped the light switch. The bright lights stung his eyes. He looked at himself in the mirror. No new path. No new opportunities. Everything had changed. He’d been hiding for better than three years now. It was time to stop. No more hiding. He’d had his ass kicked back into the world. For what ever reason…fair or unfair…he’d have to smarten up. Like it not, he had to return to being the person he was before.
INGsMisuse
Assembling the scissors on the table, he began to cut her hair.
Walking into the room, he turned on the television.
Having made the decision, he tore up the application form.
Watching out the window, a bear crossed the road.
Writing SkillsParallel Structure
He pulled up hard, then something hit him, tumbling, released the canopy, ejection.
He pulled up hard, then something hit him. He remembered tumbling, releasing the canopy, ejecting.
She liked books, pets, and talking to friends.
Writing Skillswas / were after if
If I were a rich man … (but I'm not)
We'll see whether he was right. (or not, understood.)
If the light was red, then Harry was at fault. If it was green, then Julie was at fault.
If it were Sunday, I’d be watching 60 Minutes. (It’s not.)
If he were here, he’d kill you. (But he’s not.)
He knocked to see if I was home. (I could have been.)
SHOW not TELLDescription
The damp, musty air made him shiver.
The air was damp and almost musty. And it was cold.
SHOW not TELLDescription
Nancy stood in the doorway. No one in the room had been there for years. It had a thick, musty smell.
Nancy stepped into the room. Her shoes left imprints in what must have been decades worth of dust. She covered her nose with her hand and tried not to cough.
SHOW not TELL
He liked everything about the idea of being a fireman. The excitement, the danger, the chance to be a hero. The dress uniform, blue serge, a knife-like crease down the centre of each pant leg, the patent-leather visor on the cap, in which a man could see himself being reflected. “Very fancy,” said his mother. His father’s eyes were wells of rage and disappointment. He spat on the floor.
In addition to the potential risk and notoriety, one reason he wanted to become a fireman was that he liked the uniform, which his mother also admired. His father was against the whole idea.
SHOW not TELLCharacterization
Rocky slammed his fist down on the desk. If that guy ever shows his face around here again, he said to himself, I’m going to kill him.
Rocky was angry. He didn’t want to ever see the guy again.
SHOW not TELLCharacterization
Ray spotted Janet coming up the walk. He rushed to the living room, grabbed the damp towel off the rug and dropped it behind the sofa. The doorbell rang. When she stepped inside, he saw her eyes take in the pile of dirty clothes on the floor and the paper on every surface. "I…I was looking for something," he said, feeling the blood rush up his neck onto his cheeks.
Ray’s apartment was a mess. When Janet stepped in the door, he was ashamed of himself.
AmbiguityPronoun reference
Jake collided head first with the bird. He felt the soft feathers and razor sharp talons all at the same time as they tumbled to the ground.
AmbiguityIt
It doesn’t look like you are in any condition to assist us. I’m not familiar with your species, but it looks very much to me that you have been mortally wounded.
AmbiguityIt
It doesn’t look like you are in any condition to assist us. I’m not familiar with your species, but it looks very much to me that you have been mortally wounded.
You don’t appear to be in any condition to assist us. I’m not familiar with your species, but you appear to be mortally wounded.
Using ItIt
Only use “it” to refer to an item that has been mentioned earlier in the same sentence.
Bob picked up the book and put it on the shelf.
What came down?It
I brushed my hands against the blue plaid uniform skirt I was forced to wear to keep it from blowing up. By the time we got to the car it had started to come down harder.
WordcraftCommon Problems
Whenever the temperature increases in the forest.
The man walked into the room, he turned on the television.
The man in the black Jag with the silver wheels, looked to his left.
WordcraftCommon Problems
“Don’t close your eyes now,” the man chuckled.
“Give it back,” the boy hissed.
“Pull the trigger,” He shouted.
“Do you want one?” She asked.
Passive Sentencesis, was, were
The body was lowered to the ground by the girl.
The girl lowered the body to the ground.
His teeth and fists were both clenched.
He clenched his teeth and fists.
Passive SentencesGetting rid of is, was, were
The market was bustling that morning. The town square was crammed full of colourful tents, displaying every sort of thing a person might need. Fresh fruit and vegetables were arranged on wooden tables.
The market buzzed with activity that morning. Tents crowded the town square, blazing red, purple, yellow, and green against the sky. The merchants sold every sort of thing a person might need, from the crisp fruits nestled in bushel baskets, to the fresh vegetables stacked in pyramids on the wooden tables.
Describing With Activity Getting rid of is, was, were
The market was bustling that morning. The town square was crammed full of colourful tents, displaying every sort of thing a person might need. Fresh fruit and vegetables were arranged on wooden tables.
Women in long skirts brushed past each other in the narrow aisles of the marketplace. Tents crowded the town square, blazing red, purple, yellow, and green against the sky. Merchants called to passers-by, holding up crisp apples and freshly picked corn.
WordcraftAdverbs – Don’t Use Them
He walked quickly into the room.
He hurried into the room.
He rushed into the room.
He jogged into the room.
He ran into the room.
He raced into the room
WordcraftAdverbs – Don’t Use Them
“I wish I didn’t have to go,” she said sadly.
“I love it!” she said, joyously.
“I don’t want to die,” she said, despairingly.
“Give me your wallet or I’ll kill you,” he said, menacingly.
“I can hardly wait for it to start,” Bobby said, excitedly.
“Halleluiah!” Sarah cried, ecstatically.
WordcraftCrutch Words – Don’t Use Them
Words that you fall back on when you can’t find a better one.
suddenly, really, very
good, bad, amazing
slightly, briefly, virtually
WordcraftUse ‘said’ and ‘asked’
Don’t be creative with ‘said’ replacements
yelled, shouted, bellowed, cried
observed, averred, commented, announced, replied, answered, responded
whispered
gushed
What’s the Problem?Consistency
Taking off my wet blazer, I rubbed my hands uselessly in front of the car heater, it was pointless, I could never get warm.
Comma splice
Adverb “uselessly” is redundant with “pointless”
What was pointless, the heater?
Incorrect usage of participle (ING word)
CHECKLIST FOR WRITERS
What Editors Will Look For
A: Plot
B: Wordcraft
POVConsistencyParallel StructureGrammarWord UseSHOW not TELLNo adverbs, echoesJust use said
Rob Smythe [email protected]