FEAR HOW YOU CAN FACE UP TO IT

By Ron Willingham

Fear is the greatest of success killers. It stands in the way of our having what we’d like to have or being what we’d like to be. Fear shows itself in several ways. Fear of failure is the giant killer that keeps us from trying. It takes advantage of our defeats and persuades us that we’re permanent failures. Fear of rejection clouds our spontaneity in human relations. It stops salespeople before they get started. It cancels their best laid plans. It keeps 90 percent of them from asking for the order. It robs companies of millions of dollars because of turnover in sales personnel. Fear of poverty keeps us enslaved to it – often we waste our productive moments worrying about getting enough money for survival. Or if we have one, we worry about losing it. Both kinds of fear chain us. Fear of disclosure is the mask we wear. Instead of concealing shortcomings, it hides the beautiful personality that lies within each of us. By putting on false fronts, we are lying about who we are. Personal growth comes from dealing with these things. We grow and achieve success in direct proportion to how we deal with our fears. To grow is to deal with fear. To deal with fear is to grow. Years ago, I was conducting a training course, and one of the sessions was about how to deal with fear and worry. I’ll never forget Lynn Garrison’s talk that evening. Lynn was more than 70 years old and was experiencing some enthusiastic growth the class. He began his talk by saying, “I’ve crossed a thousand bridges that never have been built!” Then, he went on to explain how he’d been a worrier. He told of ghosts of the past – most of which never had materialized. As he poured out his inner feelings, I could see, from the slight nods of heads and empathic attention that the other class members were identifying with him. Lynn’s summary made his point clear. He said, “I’ve spent much of my life being afraid of what I’d meet around the next corner! So much so that I’ve missed much of the joy and happiness that could have been mine!” What a tragedy! But what a common tragedy!

TWO FACTS ABOUT FEAR Most of us cross bridges that never have been built. We see ghosts that never materialize. Many of our fears never come to pass. There’s another side of the coin. It’s that many of our fears are self-fulfilling prophecies. They trigger negative results. They trigger negative results. Our fearful thoughts create negative, unhappy experiences. Job uttered a classic truth when he said, “The thing I feared has come upon me!” He was stating the age-old principle: “What I think about, I become!”

Napoleon once remarked, “He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat.” So, remember, fear has two sides. First, we waste our time worrying about things that may never happen. And second, sometimes fear brings about negative results that otherwise wouldn’t have happened. Now, before I go on, let me emphasize that the kind of fear I’m writing about isn’t a creative fear, such as caution. Caution keeps us from going near wild tigers, from jumping off tall buildings, blowing all our money foolishly or doing dumb things. Now is it the same thing as “fearing God.” That’s respect. The fears I’m referring to are those paralyzing self-doubts that freeze us and blind us to our potential. They rob us of the blessing of hope. They prevent our contentment, sap our enthusiasm and kill our motivation. They are the fears that cause us to hold mental pictures of what we don’t want to happen, instead of mental pictures of what we do want to happen!

FEAR SUGGESTIONS ARE ALL AROUND

I am angry, “all riled up,” at the fear suggestions we’ve seen in the last year. You hardly can pick up a paper without reading predictions of recession and suggestions of depression. If ever there’s a good example of a nation’s scaring itself into hard times, this past year should take the prize! Remember seeing articles last year about the stock market crash of 1929 – causing us to jump to the conclusion that now it’s time for history to repeat itself? The very sight of all the negative news stories is enough to send shivers down our backs – if we let it. Obviously, there’s not a lot we can do to control the editorial policy of the national new media. But there is something we can do to control how we allow it to influence us. We can control our thinking! We can make our perceptions and anticipations more positive. We can look for the opportunities that are definitely there. We can select the kinds of mental pictures we hold!

ADMIT AND ACKNOWLEDGE FEARS

Let me climb up onto my Plato pedestal and say that the way to deal with fear is not to deny it or mask it but to admit it and deal with it creatively - to take action. I remember a man standing up in one of my classes a few years ago. His session assignment was to share how he had faced a fear, dealt with it, then, tell what he had learned from the experience. I’ll never forget how much he stuck a pious pose, adjusted his halo and intoned to the class,

“I never worry! Why should I worry God doesn’t want me to worry! I’ve just never seen any sense in worrying!” Having said this, he sat down. As I walked to the front of the room, fumbling for a positive comment to make to him, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a Gelusil tablet, unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth. Now, I’m not too swift, but even I had the feeling that he wasn’t being honest. As you’d probably guess, he got very little from the course because he wouldn’t honestly admit his fears.

ACTION STEPS TO HELP DEAL WITH FEAR

Here area few, simple things you can do this month that will help you deal with fear creatively. These four action steps will help you understand the role fear plays in your life. To make the most of them, get a scratch pad or piece of paper, and write down your response to each. 1. Take five minutes to write out the fears or

worries you’ve had in the past that have not come to pass.

2. Take five minutes to see if you can think of some fear thoughts you’ve held in the past that have brought about negative results – times when “the thing you feared came upon you!” List them.

3. Take five minutes to write down some fears you are wrestling with currently.

4. Now, go back to the present fears you’ve listed, and by each one, do these to things. a. Guess the percentage of probability of

its happening, and write this rating beside it.

b. Beside each fear, write out a possible positive outcome that would replace your fear thought.

Although these exercises can be helpful I must warn you that they can also be a little painful. Emotional growth is often risky. Introspection can hurt at first, but later, it makes us much stronger. Now, let me wrap up all this by emphasizing that fear is our big, big enemy. It’s the biggest success killer. Whatever we want to accomplish or become, fear is our main obstacle. To grow is to deal with fear. To deal with fear is to grow!