The Quiet Hour Changing Lives

New Way of LifeFamily Talks

By: Jim & Jeane Zachary

© Copyright 2004, The Quiet Hour, Inc.

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The Quiet Hour · 630 Brookside Ave · P O Box 3000 · Redlands, CA 92373-1500

(800) 900-9021 · (909) 793-2588 · FAX (909) 793-4754 e-mail: charlenew@thequiethour.org

Table of Contents

IntroductionAmazing Power for the Family

Dealing with AngerThe Christian and TV

CommunicationDealing with Conflict

Family FinancesThe Gift of Forgiveness

God’s Purpose for FamiliesWhat Is True Love?

ParentingSelf-Worth

Temperaments ITemperaments IIFamily Worship

Introduction

The Platform Presentation and Prayer for the Family

The vital elements of relationships are addressed in this segment of the nightly program. Because Satan has attacked society all over the world, and morality has reached an all-time low, families are hurting and desperate for hope. The healing message of God’s love provides restorative properties that facilitate happy homes. People need to hear about and have modeled for them a Christian home environment. Lively and informative talks and dramatizations on family life are an important highlight of The Quiet Hour evangelism program.

The family talks provide a bonding experience that serves to break down barriers and build trust. Each team will have their own special experiences they will wish to share. As personal experiences and struggles are shared, the people begin to relate as they consider their own struggles. A relational bridge is built and hearts are warmed and become receptive to the message that is shared.

A married couple ideally presents the family talks. If possible, have a male translator for the husband and a female translator for the wife.

You do not have to use these in the order they are bound. Feel free to revise and rearrange them any way you wish. Be sure to be sensitive to the varying cultural patterns regarding the family. Often higher ideals are held in foreign countries than in North America.

After the family talk, a special prayer for the family is offered and a blessing is invoked upon each home represented at the meeting. Many are hurting because of problems in the home, and as they sense the comforting love of God surrounding them, the healing process can begin.

AMAZING POWER FOR THE FAMILY 

Jesus offers wonderful help for your family today: Families are under attack. Your family, my family is under attack. We know about that enemy who is called the Dragon who goes about as a roaring lion. But let’s read it in 1Peter 5:8, “Be sober, be vigilant because your adversary, the devil, walks around as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” How can we be protected from Satan’s attacks? The devil would like to destroy your family and my family. How can we be protected? We have so many problems in our society today: 

a. There is the humanistic culture that has turned it’s back on the things of God.

 b. There is hedonism, living for pleasure.  c. The content of much television is against all the Godly life that the

scriptures talk about.  

d. Society’s values often place the value of human endeavors above the values of God’s word.

 e. Self-interest, or the total selfishness of our age that causes wars,

troubles and terrible difficulties today.  

f. The culture frequently urges wrong priorities – putting the things of God at the very bottom of our list and the things of power and wealth at the top of our priority list.

 g. Anti-scriptural values. It is sad the way the values that God gives us in

the Bible are not considered valuable by much of our culture today. So, we do have some real challenges.

 Satan is the one who encourages all of these terrible values. The result is that there is a lot of sorrow in families. Our families need special help today. There are four wonderful sources of help for families. Let’s take a look at these. The first source is the Bible. Psalm 119:11 says – “Your word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against You.” There is power in the Bible to live an obedient life, a good life. Romans 1:16 says, “I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes.” So we have the

power of the gospel available to us. And you remember Jesus met temptation with the statement, “It is written…” Matt. 4:4. There is power in the scriptures, power in the gospel to help us in daily living.

In addition, there are 3,000 Bible promises for families to claim. There is help in the Bible for every problem we face in living. 

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The second source of power that is available to every person on earth is prayer power. When we fall on our knees and talk with God in prayer, there is wonderful power. The Bible says, “Ask and you will receive.” What a precious, precious promise. Whatever the difficulty is, we can take it to the Lord in prayer. There is a story about a cat that reveals this power in a person’s prayer life. A pastor was a prisoner in one of the Eastern European jails during the time of communism. The police put him in prison because he had been witnessing about Jesus and the scriptures to neighbors and friends. And as the jailer took him to the prison cell he said, “Look, I’m giving you this jug of water. I am not going to give you any food. We’ll see if your God can give you any food. I’m an atheist, a communist; I don’t believe there is a God. But if there is he can give you food. We’ll see what’s going to happen.” With that, he locked the door and our pastor friend was left alone. He said he spent many, many hours in prayer. Mealtime came and all he had was water, there was no food. He prayed the Lord’s Prayer, “Give me this day, my daily bread.” And as he was praying, he heard a noise. When he turned around, a cat had crawled through a little hole in the wall of his cell. She had a slice of bread in her mouth. He took the slice of bread and with a prayer of thanks he ate the bread except for the little piece she held in her mouth, which he put in his pocket. The next day, the cat came in again with another slice of bread. Again he thanked the Lord, put the little bite in his pocket and ate the rest. The third day it happened again ¾ the very same thing, another slice of bread. The fourth day, the jailer thought, “I’d better go see that fellow. He’ll be desperately hungry and will be willing to do anything to get some food.” But as he approached the cell, he heard happy, joyous singing and thought, “How can that prisoner be so happy when he’s hungry?” As he opened the door, he said, “Well did this God of yours give you any bread?” And pastor said, “Yes,” as he took the three little bites out of his pocket. “Three days ago,” he said, “I had this piece of bread, two days ago, this piece, and yesterday, this piece of bread.” Just then, the cat came in again. The jailer looked at the cat and said, “That’s my cat! That’s my bread!” A wonderful story of God answering a pastor’s prayer just for a slice of bread. 

Psalm 50:15 tells us, “In the day of my trouble, I will call upon you, for you will answer Me.” What a beautiful promise. The power of prayer will help us in our daily living. The third source of power is Jesus, for He says, “Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.” Matt. 11:23. We have the precious promise of Jesus, that He will help us. And the Bible tells us that He went about Palestine doing good, helping people, healing their diseases, answering their prayers. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” No matter how big our family problems may be, we can take them to Jesus and through his strength, we will have help. “I will never leave you, nor forsake you,” Jesus promised in Hebrews 13:5. What a precious promise.

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And the fourth source of power for the family is the Holy Spirit. Jesus promised us omnipotent power. Omnipotent power is – all the power of God to help us. And this power is available through the Holy Spirit. Jesus made the promise in Acts 1:8, “You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you.” And the Holy Spirit is a member of the Godhead. He is the living God. We have the symbol of the Holy Spirit as a dove that came down upon Jesus at His baptism. The Bible says He is our Counselor. He can help us when we don’t know which way to go. He is our Teacher, to teach us the things that will bring happiness and strength to us. He is our Helper to help us with whatever problems we have. No problem is too big for Him. And He is our Guide to guide us safely to a happy family and all the way through to Heaven. Our families can be very, very happy if we have Jesus living within them, and we utilize these four sources of power. Let’s review them briefly: the power of the Bible, the power of prayer, the power of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit. Let’s close with prayer.

DEALING WITH ANGER 

God has special blessings for your family. These blessings have to deal with your family knowing new happiness and joy. Your family can be wonderfully happy. Today we want to think of each member of the family; that God will richly bless them.  In order to have happier families there is something we must recognize. In every family there are times when we say words we shouldn’t say; we perform unkind actions that should never be performed. Sometimes we get angry with each other and so our question tonight is –  What shall we do with anger that sometimes flares out in the family? How does anger affect a person physically? Let’s take a careful look. Scientists tell us the following things happen: 

1)    First, the heart beats faster when the person is angry.2)    The blood pressure of this person will rise, which can be

dangerous.3)    He will breathe more rapidly to get more oxygen into his blood.4)    His digestion will be slowed down or stopped.5)    More adrenaline is pumped into the blood, so he becomes

stronger.6)    And finally, more blood sugar is released into the blood.

 And so, when a person is angry, some physical things happen to him. An angry man, should he strike someone, because of extra adrenaline and blood sugar, is stronger than he is ordinarily and this can cause serious injury and heartache should he physically assault another person. How should we deal with anger? We are people that want to be happy. We are people that believe in the living God. How can we please God and make our families happy? There are three ways that people deal with anger: 

1)               People try to suppress their anger; try to hide it; try to keep it inside. Consequently, resentment builds a wall around his anger and one of two things may happen.

 a.     First of all, he may try to show a pleasant attitude while he’s

boiling inside, but his voice is tender, the smile is there, but it’s all a sham.

b.     Secondly, he refuses to let it out even though he may be very angry and his face may show it, but still he holds it inside.

 The result to the angry person of covering up his anger, of suppressing it, can be illness and even ulcers. It is not good for our health if we try to hold anger inside.

2)               The second way many people deal with anger is to vent their anger – they let it out. He may say things he shouldn’t say; he may do things he shouldn’t do. Let’s take a look at some of the ways this happens.

 

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a.     There is an attack of cruel, angry, cutting words. We’ve all heard this – a husband and wife begin to shout and say things that are harsh and unkind and they hurt; they hurt deeply.

 b.     Some people let out their anger with physical abuse. To take

our fist and hit someone can be a very dangerous thing. The father who strikes a little child when he is angry may not be aware of how seriously he can injure his little one.

 And what is the result of releasing our anger this way? A lot of sadness, and a lot of tears. Memories and feelings are created which can never be erased. This is not the way to deal with anger. 

3)               The third way of dealing with anger is to process it. What do we mean by that? How do we process anger?

 These are the steps in processing anger: 

1)     We need to admit, “I am angry.” In fact, if a husband is angry with his wife, he could simply say, “Darling, what has happened here has made me very angry inside.”

 2)     We need to stop long enough to discover the reason. What is

the cause of the anger?Do we feel that our judgment is questioned, as a man is my manhood threatened? 

3)     Deal with the problem and not the person. Now that’s very, very important. Sometimes an angry person goes after an individual but the problem is still there. We need to focus our attention on solving the problem. Solving the situation that caused the anger.

 4)     Lastly, we need to pray that God will help us take these steps in

the right way.

 We can claim some wonderful Bible promises. Ephesians 3:20, “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that you ask or think according to the power that works in us.” Isn’t that a wonderful promise? No matter what the problem is, the power of God is greater than the problems and He can do exceedingly abundantly above any of our most precious prayers because of this power – the power of God that works within us. And then the result of processing our anger and dealing with the problem not the person is happiness. We will be happy, our families will be happy, our neighbors will be happy, our church will be happy. Jesus says, “Come unto Me all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” He will help us deal with the problem of anger.  Let’s close with prayer.

THE CHRISTIAN AND TV 

Thank God, he provides guidelines to protect our families from new dangers that would destroy our happiness and eternal future.  Tonight our topic is “TV and your family.” We’d like to ask ourselves, “What kind of power does TV have over our families?” Television – here is a big question. Is it a blessing or a curse for the Christian family? This is a very, very important question. Where do our children spend their time? Some research among American children shows this: A child spends 12,000 hours in school by the 12th year of his education. But at the same time he spends 22,000 hours watching television by the 12th year of school. This is a serious problem. Most of the education of children is coming from the television and not from their hours in school. 

1)     What kind of an education are they getting? What is available today on television? What are our children watching? I’m afraid there’s an awful lot of violence. Program after program and hour after hour different types of violence are seen.

2)     When we look at the 10 commandments, the 7th commandment says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” In other words we are to be sexually pure. But this commandment is ignored as a high amount of immorality is shown on television, which makes men and women living together without marriage appear acceptable. TV also pictures women having sex with women and men with men as normal activity. And all of these actions are paraded by very popular movie stars.

3)     There is an unrealistic picture of life. Problems are solved in 30 minutes, and often through violence. The problems we face in life are not solved this way.

4)     There is a danger in television because spiritual values are under attack. When we think of the word of God as the only safe guide to eternal life and we see the importance of prayer and learn from the scriptures who Jesus is and how much He has done for us, then we realize that much of television puts a thumbs down on the values it upholds. Often television programs tend to subtly ridicule the values of the Bible.

5)     Psychologists tell us that all television educates. There is good television that does a good job of educating and upholding good things. But there is also bad television, which educates too. And so, it is imperative that families make decisions for good when it comes to sitting before the television set. There are some things

we must say “No” to. “I will not have that in my home.” There are other things that we can welcome into our families.

 

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You know TIME is a talent from God. Television can be a terrible thief. It may rob us of time spent for some very helpful, wonderful things. Let’s take a look at what television can rob the family of –  

1)     Time for spiritual things. So, instead of the family gathering together for family worship, a song, a Bible reading and a prayer, they’re sitting before some immoral violent television program.

2)     Time for family discussions. To just have father, mother and children discussing life, the future, family problems and plans brings a family closer together.

3)     Time for social family experiences. Doing things together, such as taking a walk, playing games together, going on a picnic helps to promote the sense of belonging, which watching TV together with no interaction cannot do.

4)     Time to read good books. There are so many wonderful good books that can open our world to many new experiences. It’s great when we can read a book together as a family, as well as having time for individual reading.

5)     Time for exercise outdoors. We have too many “couch potatoes” sitting there watching television, eating snacks and getting fat when we should be out running, playing, walking, jogging and working.

 Psychologists in Israel performed a very important experiment a few years ago. They sat some children before a television program and they studied their brain waves.  There are two types of brain waves: beta brain waves, which are very rapid movements in which the mind is alert, thinking and making decisions. And then there are alpha brain waves, which show the activity of the brain when we are not making decisions, when we are relaxed and not processing information.  What were the results of the experiment?

 In just 20 minutes the children’s minds moved from the beta brain waves to the alpha brain waves. The psychologists decided that this result was just because these were children so they decided to try the process on themselves. They sat down in front of the television and connected their machines to their own brains to check themselves. To their surprise they found that the results were the same, only it took a little longer for their brains to shift into alpha than it took for the children. In other words, here is the danger – people sit and watch television and make no moral judgments while they are watching it. But at the same time our brains are storing everything they have seen, and without making judgments about them. So,

all of these immoral things or good things are registered in the brain and imprinted there, but no moral judgments are associated with them. You know, as we go through life we need to take an active role in what we see. We need to be able to say, “No, that’s wrong, I’ll not have a part of that or let that enter my thinking.” But television puts all those decisions to sleep. This is very, very dangerous. Here is a very urgent point - God expects each person to use his intelligence to make moral decisions in harmony with the principles of the Holy Bible.

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Most television is dangerous to your spiritual health. -- That needs to be repeated. -- Most television is dangerous to a person’s spiritual health. I cannot be getting ready to go to heaven if I am filling my mind with the trash and junk on television. Keep these verses near your television set. First, Philippians the fourth chapter, verse 8.  

“Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be anything worthy of praise, think on these things.” 

And also, Psalm 101:3 – “I will set no evil thing before my eyes.” What a modern text for television today.  And another very important question we need to ask – What would Jesus do today? Would he sit there and spend time with some of this rubbish and trash and violence on television. No, he would never, never do that. We must follow his example. You have probably heard this very important health principle –  

We are what we eat; in other words, our bodies are made the things we eat.

 The same principle is true of our minds –

 We are what we think. If we let our minds dwell on what is good, we will have minds that are pure and strong. If we let our minds dwell on rot and filth and garbage, that is the kind of person we will become.

 We need to think of our children. May God protect your family from all evil. We need the Holy Spirit to guide us to do the right thing. We need to come

to the purity of Jesus. He says, “Follow Me.” May our families place a guard upon the literature, television, videos, and movies that are harmful to our spiritual preparation for Heaven.  Have prayer to close.

COMMUNICATION 

We’re thankful that God has blessings for each family. He loves our families and He wants us to have greater happiness. In fact our families can be wonderfully happy. All of our problems and differences can be solved. And how happy to have grandparents, parents, teenagers and children all in harmony. Where does the happiness of many families break down? It is at the point of COMMUNICATION.

 What is communication? Let’s take a look at this little diagram.

 The husband speaks, The wife listens.The wife speaks, The husband listens. 

So communication is two-way: speaking and listening. The problem is we tend to be experts at speaking, while we need to develop the gift of listening more.  Look at some barriers to good communication. Fear – we hold some concerns inside because we are afraid of the response of the spouse. They may get angry, we want to avoid confrontation, and so we hold the concerns of our heart inside because we are afraid. Another barrier to communication is not listening. The wife may be speaking and the husband is watching television or doing something else, his mind is far away, and he never catches the concerns of her heart. The third is body language. You know, our words may say one thing, but our body language says something else. I remember one time a lady went into see the college president over a problem, and all the while she was talking, he was reading a newspaper. By the physical act of reading the newspaper he was saying, “I’ve got something more important to do. I’m not interested.” Body language is very, very important. The tone of voice is another barrier to communication. You know, we can say, “I love you dear,” (sweetly) or we can say, “I love you” (gruffly) and make it sound harsh and insincere. The tone of the voice is saying just the opposite of what the words are saying. 

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There are different levels of communication and we need to understand these so that we can improve communication between husbands and wives. Let’s look at five different levels of communication. The first level is quite shallow – just common chit-chat. A friend or spouse may say, “How are you today?” And the answer, “I’ve never been better. How are you?” This is just common chit-chat. Next we look at the second level of communication. This is the news reporter. Here the lady says, “What does your family plan to do today?” And the gentleman replies, “Since the weather is so good we are going to have a picnic.” So there’s information given; there’s news taking place. The family is going on a picnic. It’s informative, but not really deep communication. The third level of communication is sharing of concepts. Notice now that each level is becoming more involved and dealing with more important personal information. The wife says, “We have two children in college. How can we prepare to meet college expenses?” The husband says, “Let’s get some help in preparing a sound budget.” Now we are dealing with concepts of how we can solve problems. This is deeper communication. The fourth level of communication is the sharing of our feelings. This is coming a little closer to our heart, to our inner-most thinking.  For instance, the husband may say, “It makes me angry when the neighbor’s dog barks all night.” The wife may say, “Your snoring is very annoying to me.” So we are sharing our feelings, our emotions in this one. This is deep communication. The fifth, and deepest level is self-disclosure. Now we open the door to the inmost sanctuary of our hearts. This is the most difficult, but the most important. If husbands and wives have not learned to communicate here, there could be mountains building up that will lead to separation and heartache. The husband may say, “After these meetings I realize that I need the new birth in Jesus Christ.” And the wife replies, “I think we both need a closer walk with God.” Here they are talking about some of the most intimate parts of their spiritual being. Or, they could talk about some of the innermost,

personal relationships between the two of them. They must discuss these and not let big gaps occur between the two of them. Let’s look at some suggestions for success in communication. CommunicationPage 3

Get rid of fear. We should have a relationship between husband and wife where either one of them can open their hearts and kindly say whatever they wish to their companion.

 There must be a total acceptance of each other. In other words, the wife can say in her heart, “I accept this man just as he is; with his strengths, with his good points, with his weak points, with his bad points.” This is total acceptance, and the husband does the same thing. Then we can really communicate with each other. Here are some other suggestions for success:

 We need to learn how to listen. This is very, very important. Here is a good way to test to see if we really got the message. Let’s say the wife has been unburdening her heart and the husband says, “Let me see if I understand, let me repeat what I think you said to me.” And so he repeats it and she may say, “No, that’s not it at all.” “Okay, darling,” he replies, “say it again and I will listen even more carefully.” She does that, and he says, “Okay let me see if I got it this time.” She may say, “That’s better but...” It may take three or four times before the husband really has gotten the message. We need to learn how to listen. Another suggestion for success – we need to watch our body language and our tone of voice to make sure our physical actions agree with what we really want to say in our words. Then our tone of voice should be pleasant, loving, and kind and it will also convey the message of love. You know, for a husband and wife to be truly happy –  They must make sure that Jesus is the center of their home and as they communicate with the Savior, they will learn to communicate with each other. We pray that God will richly bless your family and help you communicate effectively with others. We will close with prayer.

DEALING WITH CONFLICT 

Scenario: (It is very effective before saying anything else to begin with this little drama which will require a man and woman. It is best if there are two translators and if they are married it will be easier for them to act out the parts). Wife (angrily): Where did that new cassette player come from? Husband: I bought it today. Now we can have some good music in the family. Wife: That was a stupid thing to do! You know we don’t have the money for

that! Husband (also angry): Well, we didn’t have the money for that new dress you bought either! Wife: Your mother should have brought you up better than that.

You are careless with money. You take that thing right back to the store!

 Husband: How can you be so harsh? You never did like my mother anyway. What can we do when there is conflict in the family? There are times when there will be tensions, disagreements and even conflict. What can we do about this? This couple was arguing about the purchase of a CD player and a dress. How could this have been handled better? Here are some suggestions. 

1)              Try to avoid “You” statements. “You” statements attack the other person.

a.      YOU are wasting our moneyb.     The dress YOU boughtc.      How can YOU be so harsh?d. YOU are careless with money

 Understand that all of these are suggesting attack; they invite a

response. 

2) Attack the problem, not the person.  

What was the problem in this dialogue? 

a.      Handling of the family budget and deciding how the money was spent.

b. Making a significant purchase without the agreement of the family or spouse

It would have been better to attack the money situation with a WE attitude – how can WE do a better job of handling money.

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 3) Discover alternate solutions – You remember #1 was to avoid YOU statements,

#2 was- Attack the problem, not the person. And now #3 is discover alternate

solutions. It’s too late to fight over the dress and the recorder. The money has

already been spent. 

What are some alternate solutions to this problem?a.      Find sources of funds or economies that will help meet the

expenses.b.     Develop a sound budget plan. This then will prevent future

problems.c.      Be willing to compromise - The selfish demand of having

one’s own way all the time will lead to constant conflict.d.     Learn to give and take graciously. There is peace and joy in

making it possible for one’s spouse to receive things. 

4) Stay on the topic - It was unkind and unwise to refer to the husband’s mother.

The problem had to do with the family methods of making purchases. 

a.      Each spouse should have an allowance. They can then spend money without having to answer for it. Everyone should have a little personal freedom.

b.     Handle large expenditures together. This will avoid the problems here.

c.      Remember to pray together. There is wonderful power in prayer.

d.     Claim the 3,000 Bible promises and apply them to the problems of daily living.

 Let’s listen to how this could have been solved without this conflict and using the principles we have listed. Wife: Where did that new cassette player come from? Husband: I bought it. Now we can have some good music in the family. Wife: But, Honey, you know we have to have money for Junior’s dental

work next week! Husband: Oh, I forgot about that! Well, I’ll take my lunch to work next

week instead of eating with the others in the lunchroom.

 Wife: And maybe I can cut something from the household expenses

this month. After all, I did get a new dress last week and you need to get something once in a while too. We’ll manage if we economize.

 Conflict can be avoided by careful thought, right decisions, and through prayer. May God bless your home with His peace and love. With Jesus there is peace that passes understanding. The best decision is to invite Jesus into your home. End with prayer.

FAMILY FINANCES 

Tonight we’re going to talk about something that everyone has some of, but no one has enough of – or at least no one thinks he has enough of. That is money. Sociologists and marriage counselors tell us that money is one of the three leading causes of problems in the family – at least that’s true in the American family, and I suspect it is true in nearly all families. Why is money a problem in most families? Is it because most families don’t have enough? Perhaps the cause is more basic than that. Even in families where money is plentiful there are disagreements over its use. So, the problem must be deeper and more fundamental. Maybe it has its roots in the fact that money has more than just economic value, it also has symbolic value. Let’s explain what we mean by symbolic value. The way we think and feel about money is influenced by the psychological and emotional value it has for us. For example, for some people money symbolizes power; for others it represents security. Let me give an example. Let’s create an imaginary couple, we’ll call them Ben and Mary. Ben is a salesman and often takes prospective clients out to dinner. On occasion he may take some of his fellow workers out also, and from time to time he takes little gifts to his secretary. He tells Mary that this is all essential in order for him to maintain good working relations with his companions, and in order to get good orders from clients.  But Mary grew up in a poor home where there was often not even enough to eat, and she has a subconscious fear that one day her family will suffer want, as she did when a child. So, Mary feels that it is essential that they put as much money in the bank as possible each month. She may wear clothes until they become rather shabby, and she will weigh each purchase carefully before spending any money. Ben, on the other hand, always dresses in style and has an ample wardrobe, because he says it is important in his work that he make a good impression. There are lots of potential for family problems over money in this family. Ben thinks of money as a means of gaining acceptance from his colleagues and as buying success in his career, so he spends liberally. But for Mary, money represents security from want, so she wants to save it. For both Ben and Mary money has psychological overtones. So, Mary may nag Ben that he is spending too much and not saving enough, and Ben will likely complain that Mary is depriving the family in order to put money in the bank. For most of us money has emotional, as well as psychological, value.

It will help us to understand ourselves, and each other if we can explore together what money means to each of us. This will take some in-depth discussions and thoughtful reflection to determine its symbolic value. There are a number of steps a couple can take to help ease disagreements over money. One of these is to agree on a basic plan for the use of the family money. By this, I mean, know how much your family makes and agree on how much you need for the basic family requirements, such as shelter, food, clothing, education, etc. When you have determined how much is essential each month, set this aside before spending for extras. This will likely require you to make a budget, but this should be done together.Family FinancesPage 2

 This is a good opportunity for family planning sessions, in which the entire family can participate. It will help the children to be more capable at handling their own finances when they are grown and have their own families.  What about the question of who handles the money? In some cultures it is the wife who carries the funds. In others the husband handles all the money and the wife may not even know how much money the family has. Is there a preferred family member as financier? The one who handles the money should be the one who is most capable of doing so. Whether it is the wife or the husband is irrelevant, so long as both agree. But both should know how it is being spent and agree with the expenditures. Are there any principles that should govern our use of money?  We could do an entire study on money in the Bible, but one of the fundamental texts is that of I Corinthians 10:31. We must remember that ALL that we do is to glorify God. That includes our use of the funds that He has entrusted to us. Scripture tells us that all is His, even the cattle on the hills. Therefore, we must remember that we do not possess any money, we are simply His stewards, and when He comes He will look for faithful stewards. So, when we sit down to plan our monthly expenditures, we should always put the Lord at the top of our list. Let’s close with prayer that God will guide our families as we plan the use of our incomes.

THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS 

Something amazing and wonderful happened at the cross on Calvary’s hill. This act of God will bring untold blessings to the family. It was at the cross where Jesus paid for our sins and forgave us all of our transgression. And because of what Jesus has done, your family can be wonderfully happy. For happier families, there is a gift that brings wonderful peace. What is this gift? That’s our study for tonight -- The Wonderful Gift -- Sometimes there are problems in the family. Maybe harsh words are spoken or maybe cruel accusations are made. Or, going a little bit farther, there may be physical violence or pointing the finger of blame at the other person. There is a better way than harsh, unkind words, or a physical reaction. And what is that better way? Let me tell you the story of an angry father who made a very, very hasty decision. And in this hasty decision which involved disciplining a child, the child was hurt. Yet the little girl who was hurt, just about three years of age, went over to her father and put her arms around him and said, “I forgive you, Daddy.” The gift of forgiveness is – that is The Wonderful Gift – the one that brings peace to the family. There was a cruel prison guard in one of the German concentration camps. Two sisters had been arrested and taken to the camp. While the two sisters were there in the concentration camp, one sister died because of the cruel treatment of the prison guard. The surviving sister’s heart ached and she was greatly hurt as a result.  Years later she was giving lectures on her experience in the concentration camp. At the close of one of these lectures, this same guard walked up to the platform. She recognized him. When he got to the platform, he said, “I have become a Christian. Can you forgive me for the terrible things I did to you and your sister?” She thought for a long time. All the hurt and bitterness welled up in her heart, but finally, she said, “My brother, I forgive you.” And with that gift of forgiveness, a new joy and peace came to her heart, which she hadn’t experienced for some time. The Bible story of Gomer is an example of the measure of God’s forgiveness.  This story demonstrates the measure of God’s love. Gomer, the unfaithful wife of one of God’s prophets, left her husband and children and ran off with one man, and then another, and another and finally the last man got tired of her and he took her down to the slave market to sell her. The woman’s husband, the Prophet Hosea, went to the market and bought his wife back. He forgave her and loved her. That’s a metaphor of the wonderful, forgiving love God has for us. It’s a very thrilling story found in the scriptures.

 

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Another story is of a parents’ love for a wayward son. A young man had broken the law and was now in a penitentiary. As his time of imprisonment was coming to completion, he wrote a letter to his parents and said, “I am going to be a free man. I will be on a train going toward the West Coast of the United States. If you could forgive me for the terrible things I have done, and the way I have disgraced the family, please tie a yellow ribbon in the tree by the railroad tracks, and when the train passes our house and I see that ribbon I will know that you have forgiven me and I will get off the train and come home. If there is no yellow ribbon there, I will stay on the train and you will never see me again.” As the train neared his parent’s farm, he was very nervous. Would there be a ribbon in the tree? And this is what he saw. The tree was covered with scores of ribbons the family had tied there. He got off and the family was reunited. True love is measureless. We need to bring this kind of love into our families, the love that forgives each person for the mistakes they make.  You remember the example of Jesus forgiving us on the cross. When he looked down from the cross he said of those who had nailed him to the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” He was willing to forgive even his murderers. It is interesting to note that these men had not asked Jesus’ forgiveness. Sometimes we justify ourselves by saying, “When he or she asks for my forgiveness, then I will forgive them.” But if we will be like Jesus we will forgiveness even when it is not requested. In Ephesians, 4:31, 32 we find these words, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God in Christ forgave you.” What a precious text that will bring happiness into our families; to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving - forgiving one another just as God has forgiven us for all our sins. And so for a happy family – grandparents, parents, and children must look to Jesus and see how forgiving He was. With the Holy Spirit’s help we can to learn to be the same way. Let’s close with prayer.

GOD’S PURPOSE FOR FAMILIES 

In the first two chapters of Genesis we have a picture of the steps God took in creating the earth. We are told that when God looked at this spot in the universe He saw an earth that was “without form and void,” and that “darkness covered the earth.” And so, God began by creating light. And suddenly this corner of the universe was bright with light. God spoke and it was done. And Scripture says that, “the evening and the morning were the first day.” On the second day God separated the mists of moisture that were above the earth from those on the earth and created the atmosphere that wraps the earth and makes all forms of life possible. And, Scripture says, “the evening and the morning were the second day.” On the third day God gathered the water on the earth into lakes, rivers, streams and seas and created the bodies of dry land. Then, on the dry land God created all kinds of plant life, blooming in profusion. And, Scripture says, when God saw all the He had created He pronounced it good. And “the evening and the morning were the third day.” The other heavenly bodies of our solar system were created on the fourth day. The sun was set in the sky to give light to the earth in the day, and the moon and stars were appointed to light the earth in the night. And again, when God looked upon His creation He saw that it was good. With the dawning of the fifth day God began His work of creating living creatures. On this day He filled the waters that He had made on the third day with all sizes and shapes of water creatures. And, into the air and the lofty trees that He had created on the third day, He put all kinds and colors of birds. And suddenly the air was filled with lovely melodious bird songs. “And God saw that it was good. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.” With the dawning of the sixth day, God began His crowning efforts for this planet. He began by creating all kinds of animals. What fun that must have been for God, as He planned the giraffe, the elephant, the panda bear, the graceful deer and the cats from the little house cat to the stately tiger. What a wonderfully creative imagination God has! But then, as the climax of His work, God decided to place in the position of steward of His creation, one like Himself. But for this task God chose not to just speak that one into being, but He actually sculpted the form Himself from the clay of the ground. Then He leaned over his completed sculpture and breathed into this form His own breath, and the man became a living being. Can you just imagine the man stretching and opening his eyes to see his Creator bending over him?

 Then God took the man that He had made and showed him all the creatures He had created, and He gave to man the fun of naming each created being. But as the man saw each created form of life he realized that while each had its counterpart he had none. And he felt lonely. And so, God caused the man to go to sleep and from his side God took a rib and from the rib He fashioned another being similar to man. And so was performed the first surgery with anesthesia. Then God awakened the man and presented to him his wife. And God told them to be fruitful and multiply and people the earth. And so, the first marriage was performed in the garden that God had created, and was solemnized by the Lord Himself. Thus ended the sixth day, and God pronounced it “very good.” God’s Purpose for FamiliesPage 2

And on the seventh day God and His two children worshipped and rested together in celebration of His creative acts. This makes the marriage ceremony and the family unit the oldest social institution in existence. God gave man direction at this time that to establish this new family he should, in the future, leave his mother and father and “cleave” to his wife. No provision is made here for multiple wives, or for multiple marriages, for the two are to become one. What do we mean when we say the two become one? Certainly, physically, they still retain their individual bodies. But in goals, in priorities, in commitment and loyalty they were to become one. We might illustrate it by saying that God has drawn a sacred circle around each married couple. While the couple may have many friends individually and as a unit outside the circle, no one else should come into this sacred circle, except God Himself. The words spoken and the actions taken within this circle are to be shared with no one else. Only Jesus can enter this circle. Why did God create the family? What was His purpose for the marriage relationship? One of His major purposes in creating the family unit was that it might be a means of peopling the earth, and of educating the young and helping them to know and worship their Creator. This is why He gave the Israelites through Moses the detailed instruction found in Deuteronomy 6:1-7. God wants His children to share in the future He has planned, and to do this they must know Him and choose to serve Him. In addition to wanting His created children to be with Him eternally, God desires their happiness and health in this life. We find this in 3 John 2. And a happy home in which the family members love God and each other is the closest we can come to heaven in this earth. 

In Ephesians 5:22 through 6:4 we find the Lord’s instructions to the family through the Apostle Paul. Some people take a verse or two out of context from this instruction, but when it is all put together properly it gives a very balanced picture of the Christian family. It is God’s purpose for the family. In Ephesians 5 and also in Revelation the Bible compares the marriage relationship to God’s relationship to His church, which He calls His bride. Surely, this should help us to realize that marriage and the family unit could not hold a higher position in God’s estimation.  A true Christian family which lives as God would have us live is a testimony to the community in which it is located, and one of God’s most effective evangelistic tools to lead others to know and love Him. Let us close with prayer.

WHAT IS TRUE LOVE? 

“Come unto me…,” Jesus says. He invites us to come to Him because He has blessings for our families. Your family can be wonderfully happy. Whether it’s parents, grandparents, babies, or teenagers, God has a blessing for each one and our families can have new happiness.

 We would like to talk about a MUST for true happiness. What is the basic essential for happiness of the family?

 LOVE 

We need to take a careful look at this. Something terrible has happened to the meaning of love. Today in most cultures the meaning of love has been distorted and twisted.  

1)    For some it simply is physical attraction.2)    For others, it’s basically selfishness – what can this person do to

make me happy.3)    For some it is lust – a terrible basis for love.4)    And finally for some - it simply means, having sex.

 What is true love? I’m sure no one agrees with the definitions of this distorted love. So let’s take a look now at some of the characteristics of true love. True love has to do with a principle of selflessness that is expressed between two persons or parents and children. It’s a holy principle of godly affection that puts it on a very high plane. It is becoming godlike in our relationships one with another. Love is a decision that affects others and ourselves for good. It’s those daily decisions that bring happiness to others and the result is happiness in our own lives. It’s interesting that Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:44 that we are to love our enemies. If love is a warm affectionate feeling, this would be an impossible command. How can we feel warm affectionate feelings for someone who hates us and is trying to hurt us? But if we recognize that love is really a decision this command becomes doable. We can choose to love even if we do not have the feelings.

 Let’s take, as an example, a brick wall. The color of the bricks is red and the mortar is white. Just as mortar holds the bricks together, love holds a family together. Two people that are truly in love can never consider separation, divorce or estrangement, because they choose to show love in their relationship. Love is so important. It is this basic principle of godly love that

keeps a husband and wife faithful to each other, children to each other and children and parents to each other.

But, beware of counterfeit love. Counterfeit love is the cause of much of the unhappiness in families today. It is usually self-centered and self-serving; looking for others to make it happy, yet not caring whether or not it pleases them. The result of this kind of counterfeit love is great unhappiness and sorrow. We must get rid of this kind of love in our families.

 

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 True, genuine love puts the Lord Jesus first; it lives to honor and please the living God and to follow his commandments. Secondly, the person who has true love in his heart reaches out to others to help them have a happy, better life. This type of person is saying, “I love others. God first, others second and myself last of all.” The result of this genuine true love is wonderful happiness. And so, it is so important for our families to make sure we don’t have the counterfeit love, but we have this true love. Where is this genuine love best demonstrated? In the Bible in John 3:16 we see this unselfish, godly love. We see it best in the Lord, Jesus Christ and the amazing sacrifice that He made. Remember, He was the Creator of heaven and earth; the King of Kings; the God of all other gods. In John 3:16 we read, “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Oh, if we all could love with this selfless love that puts others truly first in our affections! What Jesus did is an amazing example of love. In Philippians 2:5 we read these words, “Let this mind be in you which was also in Jesus Christ.” Remember, Jesus was the living God. And yet because of the problems of mankind, He then became born of a virgin and came to earth to be a servant. Everything He did was to help others and, finally, His obedience was so profound that He gave Himself on the cross to die for rebellious mankind. This is amazing love. The most selfless love that has ever been demonstrated was when Jesus left the throne of the universe and died upon the cross. What amazing, godly love! Ephesians 5 speaking to husbands says, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church.” And we see that love demonstrated at the cross. He went to the cross because He loved the church. In fact He loved the whole world. But He particularly wins back the loyalty of the church by dying for them. And then the Lord says to husbands and to wives, that husbands should love their wives just like Christ loves the church. And so, the symbol of the cross is the challenge for us men to really love with unselfish love. And when we love this way, our wives will respond to this kind of love. And so we’ve learned today the secret of happiness in the family, having this genuine, true godly love. In these New Way of Life meetings our great burden is that families have this kind of happiness, and a very important thing for us each evening in this meeting is to have a special prayer for the family. At this time why don’t we have each family stand and we will have a special prayer for you. If your family isn’t here, you can stand to represent them. We will close this section with a prayer for the families.

PARENTING 

In the Bible there is a great deal of help and counsel for parents. Let us study the word of God together today and ask God to give us special help as we think of the great responsibility that parents have. One of the most sacred responsibilities is - being a parent. Having a little son or daughter to take care of and develop into adulthood, and to lead that little one to love Jesus and to be ready for Heaven is a very heavy responsibility. You remember Moses received the 10 commandments from God when he was on Mt. Sinai, and he wrote these principles in the scriptures. In addition to the 10 commandments, in the first five books of the Bible we have all the other counsel that God gave to Moses there on Mt. Sinai and we also see the experience of God’s people. Now Moses was about to die and in his last sermon, recorded in Deuteronomy 6:4-9, he told them this, “Hear, O Israel, the Lord is one. You shall love your God with all your heart. These words that I command you shall be in your heart and you shall teach them diligently to your children. Talk of them when you sit down, when you lie down and when you get up; have them as a sign on your hand, your forehead, your doorpost and your gates.” This is very, very important for parents. These three things: first, to know God’s will; second, to live God’s will, or to be a good example; and third, to teach God’s will to your children. That’s the only way they can be ready for Heaven. You see, parents’ precious responsibility when that little baby is born, is to help that little one mature into being ready for school, teenage and finally adulthood. What a sacred responsibility. Building a life for eternity.  Jesus is coming very, very soon. This is the message that we receive from John the Revelator. And his book closes with Jesus’ promise repeated three times in Revelation chapter 22, “I am coming soon.” And John replies, “Even so, come Lord Jesus.” Since Jesus is coming soon, our families must be ready. I am sure every mother and father would like to have all their children and grandchildren ready for eternity. Parents can have wonderful help to save their children so they can be with Jesus in heaven. Children are under great pressures:  

a.     There’s peer pressure. Other children will try to push them in the wrong direction.

b.     There’s cultural pressure. A culture that is godless and evil will try to lead the children to love the things of this world more than God’s ways.

c. There are social pressures. “Everybody’s doing it” is so often true today.

But above all of these, we must help our children to withstand these pressures and look to the scriptures as their guide. They need to look to Jesus to be their teacher, their Savior, and to choose the things that please Him and will prepare them for eternity.

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 Let’s look at parents and discipline. Part of our job is disciplining our children. But we do have some guidance here. Let’s first establish the definition of discipline. Discipline is corrective guidance. The things we do and say that will correct our children. It’s not to get even with them, to hurt them or to vent our anger. It must change the direction of their lives. What should be the goal or the target of discipline? 

1)     To develop a love for the Holy Bible. It’s so important to have our children say, “I’ve got a new goal now. I see God’s word is special. I want to make it my guide in life.”

2)     To develop a love relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s so important to have our children weaned away from the love of this world and to love the Lord Jesus Christ and have a relationship with Him. Discipline should do that.

3)     To help them set godly priorities in life. To reject some of the social pressures to go in a different direction and to say, “My goal is to honor God and use my life to bring glory to His name.”

4)     Another purpose of discipline should be to assist them to determine to serve God and mankind. To be one who brings solutions to the problems of the world and to honor God and serve Him.

5)     To help them to be ready to meet Jesus. That’s so important. We must have our children living the kinds of lives that will help them be ready for heaven. And when they do things that are wrong, and go in the wrong direction, discipline should be corrective to bring them back to Jesus, back to the Bible, back to getting ready for heaven.

 We reach these objectives through the following ways:

 1)     Parental example is so important. If I tell my children they should

be honest but I’m dishonest, my example nullifies my teaching. If I tell my children to be pure, but I am living an immoral life, my example nullifies my teaching. I must live a life that is safe for my children to follow.

2)     Parental teaching. We need time to sit down with our children and share with them God’s plan for their lives, our burden for their lives and show them the dangers of making the wrong decisions.

3)     Parental values. The things that are important in our lives will become important in our children’s lives. If the important thing in my life is to watch violence on television, boxing matches and so on, my children will know that and these will become their values. But if my values are very different, their values will be different.

4) Teaching children to accept Bible values for their own. There was a boy in a Bible class that was asked to give a report on the biblical basis for worship. He went up to the front of the class and he said, “You know, all of my life my mother has dragged me off to church. But after my study in preparation for this paper, I’ve discovered that it is God’s will for me and I’ve made my decision – I’m going to church because I want to go.” Now, that child and his parents learned a very special lesson. He wasn’t doing something because his mother forced him to do it. He now was doing it because he agreed with God and his mother to do this. So we need to teach our children to accept Bible values.

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We need to look at some methods of discipline to help us with this corrective discipline we are talking about today. Notice these principles for Christian discipline:

 1)     It must never be in anger. Anger only stirs up the wrong response

in our children. If we find there is any anger in our hearts, we need to fall on our knees and ask God to fill us with His love and then we can go to our children in a very different way. There may be hurt and disappointment, but no anger. If we can’t discipline now without anger we should postpone the discipline until we can do so.

2)     Our discipline must always be in love. This is hard to do; to discipline a child so that the child knows they are still loved. To have a child say, “Mommy, I know you love me and I am sorry I did this.” Then the discipline has been successful.

3)     It must be reasonable. It must not be too lenient or too strict, and never harsh. We need to make sure it fits the misdemeanor and it leads to correction and a change in thinking.

4)     It must be appropriate. Something that is helpful, that will bring about change. It takes the special wisdom of the Lord to help us follow these four principles.

 We parents need to remember the importance of fervent prayer. We need to agonize with God for wisdom and skill to train our children so they will themselves choose to follow Jesus and not do the right things because they’re afraid. I remember a student in boarding academy that said one day, “Four more days and I’ll graduate and I will be free from this place. Then, I can do what I want.” That was a terrible mistake. He was only obeying because he was afraid he would be expelled from school. But as soon as he would graduate then he would forget all he’d learned and live his own life. We have help for parents to save our children. That help is found in Jesus. It is found in the word of God and it’s found through the Holy Spirit. And all of this can come to us through the power of prayer.

 Let’s pray now for our families and for parents particularly, and for the heavy responsibility we have of training our children in a way that will lead to their salvation. 

SELF – WORTH 

Jesus has special blessings for your family. We will learn something very special that Jesus does for each person. Your family can be very, very happy. And we, in this New Way of Life meeting, would like to help each one of you to have more peace and happiness in your families. Our topic tonight is building self-esteem. I’d like to have you think about a possible situation. We’d like to look at two different boys. And we are going to ask questions. One boy is very, very happy. And one is very, very sad. What makes the difference? What causes one person to go one direction and the other person to go a different direction? Let’s take a look at the happy boy. His father says to him, “Son your work is very, very good.” His mother says, “I’m very proud of you, son.” At school the children say, “You are our first choice when we choose for games. We like you.” And his teacher says, “You know, your schoolwork is very carefully done. I appreciate what you’re doing very, very much.” The result is that the boy thinks, “I feel good about myself.” Now let’s take a look at the other fellow. He is very sad – look what happens to him. His father says, “You never do anything right, son.” His mother scolds, “Why can’t you be like your sister, Mary? You’re hopeless.” The children say, “We don’t want you on our team.” And another one says, “You’re just so clumsy.” His teacher says, “Your papers are never done properly.” What is the result? He thinks about himself “I’m no good,” because everyone treats him that way. You see, self-esteem is built on three aspects of life.  

1)    A sense of competency, a feeling that I can do things and I can accomplish things.

2)    A sense of belonging. I am a part of this group. They like me. We can work together.

3)    A sense of self-worth. Feeling good about one’s self. Now let’s look at these individually.  A sense of competence: Here the parent needs to recognize the different skills of each person. One child can be skilled in one area, another one in a different area. For instance, in a classroom situation – some are good at reading and writing and literature skills. Others are good with their hands. A

person may get very low grades in spelling, but he could get very high grades in building a model of something that can be brought to class. So, we need to give appreciation to each one. “We appreciate what you are doing. Your spelling test was very good. Your arithmetic was good. Your science experiment was excellent.” We should recognize each person, each student’s or child’s skills.

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A sense of belonging: Parents should work to develop the sense of family. We’re all here, we’re all important. We like each one. One way to promote a sense of belonging is to use “we” and “ours” and to express love and support because each one is a part of the family. A sense of self worth: There is a story about a girl on an island of the South Pacific whoseparents looked down upon her because they felt she wasn’t attractive. As a result, the girl grew up very shy and unkempt. When she became old enough to be married, the father thought, “Oh, no one will ever want this daughter, she’s just no good.” But the son of the richest man in the village came by one day and said, “Sir, I’d like to make arrangements to marry your daughter.” “You want to marry my daughter?” said the father in surprise. “Yes, I do. I will come by tomorrow and we will bargain for the bride’s price.” When the young man left, the father said, “He’s just mocking me, he’ll never come back. No one wants my daughter. She’s no good.” But the next day the young man did come; they sat down at each end of a grass mat. The young man said, “How many cows would you like for your daughter?” The father said, “I need to talk with my counselor here, and the counselor said, “You’d better ask for three; you might get one, but she’s not even worth a sick cow.” And so the father said, “For this very fine daughter, I’d like three cows.” The young mad said, “Only three cows? I am prepared to give eight cows for your daughter.” “Eight cows?” the said incredulously. “That’ll be fine.” He was amazed and thought, “He’s still mocking me, he’ll never come back.” But the next day the young man came back with eight cows; there was a wedding and off they went for the honeymoon. The young man bought his new wife a very beautiful mirror and some new clothes and treated her like a queen. When the couple came back home, the father hardly recognized her. And what was the difference? The husband treated her as a very special wife. And she became that kind of a person. Men, how many cows is your wife worth? You see it is so important to express value for the members of the family. That will give them a sense of worth. There are two reasons why we all have great worth. What are these two reasons? You remember the Bible says that in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. By creation all mankind are the sons and daughters of God. That means that each person is the son or daughter of the living God, a prince or a princess of the king of the universe. Also, Jesus died for mankind that we might live forever with him. What a precious precious thought. Because of creation and because of the crucifixion of Jesus, we have great value, great worth. 

As we look up at the cross of Jesus, at the place where he died, we see that we have great value. We should treat each person – our spouse, our children, as individuals whose price for their redemption was paid by the king of the universe. How shall we treat each other then? Whether it’s a husband, a wife, or a child – we treat them with love and respect. Developing self-esteem in each member will bring happiness to your family. And we have value because one day we will live with Jesus in heaven. We need to remember that eternal life is ours because he died for us. Let’s treat each other as people we recognize are paid for by the death of the Son of God. Why does all mankind have value? We are all created in God’s image and are given His righteousness. So we are special people. Let’s close with prayer.

TEMPERAMENTS – I 

God made every person a special individual. Each person is different from each other. We need to understand each other. Consequently the purpose of this discussion tonight is to learn how we can understand each other better.

 You can have a happy family, filled with smiles. Understanding our temperaments will help us to understand each other and ourselves, and have greater happiness. And so our topic is – Understanding your spouse and yourself.  God created the world with infinite variety. No two snowflakes are alike. No two persons are alike. All six billion of us are different.  The psychologists tell us there are four basic types of personalities. We are all different blends of these four basic temperaments. None of us is totally one type. The four are:  

1)     Choleric – The leader type2)     Melancholy – The artistic type3)     Phlegmatic – The peacemaker type4)     Sanguine – The fun loving, outgoing type

 There are some principles to remember when we look at our temperaments. 

1)     Each person is born with a temperament mix.2)     This mix is ours for our entire lifetime. If we are born mainly a

choleric, we will be mainly choleric until the day we die. We may make some minor adjustments, but we cannot completely change our temperament.

3)     Each temperament has both strengths and weaknesses. That is important to remember.

4)     We must try to understand each other.5)     We need to accept each other just as we are. These last two are

very important points — to understand each other and to accept the other person just as they are, realizing that they will have both strengths and weaknesses.

 Each person does have strengths and weaknesses. These strengths can make us very happy. Some of the weaknesses may not make us so happy. But, what should we do? We must appreciate the strengths and be patient with the weaknesses in the relationships with our children and our spouse. Let’s look at the first temperament.  

Choleric – there are several things we need to remember about his strengths.  

1)     He is strong in leadership2)     He makes very thorough plans. He likes to make “to do” lists 1, 2,

3… He is very organized.3)     He is very decisive. He knows how to make a decision and move ahead.

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4)     He has skills in managing people. These tend to be the people who are superintendents or leaders of organizations.

5)     He gets much accomplished. As soon as one job is done, he moves to the next and so on.

6)     He is an organizer. He knows exactly what he’ll do through the day. He has his program planned out. He has the ability to act and get things done.

7)     He is agenda oriented. Now, not every choleric will have all of these points, but this will be the main thrust of the way this person lives and acts. However the choleric does have some weaknesses.

 1)     He can be very harsh sometimes because he wants to get the job

done and has so many things on his list that he pushes ahead and sometimes is impatient with people.

2)     He can be very unfeeling because he has to get his list done and is not tender to people’s feelings sometimes.

3)     He may have a quick temper. If he is not getting his way, his temper may flash.

4)     He may be overbearing because he feels he has to get the job done.

5)     He may be very controlling. It’s got to be his way.6)     He can be arrogant and bossy sometimes – telling people what to

do.7)     He could be hard to please unless things are done his way. 

No Choleric has all of these weaknesses, but he will have some or several of them. What kinds of jobs will the Choleric do well?

 1)     Manager in a factory or store2)     Foreman organizing a group of men or women3)     President of a country or organization4)     Chairman of a committee5)     Superintendent

 You see this is the man or woman that gets things done and organizes people.  The greatest needs of the Choleric: Let’s take a look at these from a Christian standpoint.  

1)     To be sensitive to other people’s needs. In other words, to be tender about people even though you want to get your job done or you have many items on your “to do” list.

2)     Develop a Christ-like spirit by Bible study and prayer. 3)     To be a great leader one must have the spirit of Jesus ¾ to be

forgiving and tender and compassionate.4)     Confess an angry spirit and seek forgiveness from God.5)     Be more communicative with personnel. In other words, let them

understand what you’re doing and let them have a part in the planning.

6)     It’s very important to be forgiving and tolerant.  

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Following these suggestions will make the Choleric a better person. Now let’s look at the Melancholy. Look at his strengths:

 1)     He is very analytical.2)     He is careful with details. This person likes to do everything to the

very highest standard.3)     He is artistic and appreciates the beautiful. 4)     He often has musical gifts also.5)     He is good at creative work.

6)     He is imaginative and inventive. He can envision new ways of doing things and do them very well.

7)     He is self-disciplined.8)     He likes detail. He enjoys taking care of the minute things.9)     He is conscientious and thorough in his work.10) He is a dependable and loyal friend.

 There are a lot of very strong, good points. But, as with all personality types, the Melancholy also has some weaknesses. 

1)     He tends to be moody.2)     He tends to remember for a long time the slights and the things

that people have done to him. We sometimes say he replays his tapes.

3)     He tends to be pessimistic and negative. He sees the hard part, the negative and discouraging side of things.

4)     He is suspicious of others because they may not be doing things just right.

5)     Hard to get along with because he is so careful about details and about doing something just exactly the way he wants to get it done. He is a perfectionist.

6)     He may be too analytical.7)     He is often discouraged because he fails to reach the high

standards he set for himself.8)     He is too sensitive to hurts. He will feel badly and feel hurt often.9)  He may be a hypochondriac; because of his self-absorbtion he may

imagine he is always ill. What kind of tasks would a Melancholy do well?

 1)     Artists2)     Musicians3)     Accountants because they are so good with details.4)     Home decorators because they like to see things done beautifully.5)     Landscape artists.

 

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What are the greatest needs that the Melancholy has? 

1)     To overcome a critical spirit.2)     To be delivered from self-absorption. Inward looking too much.3)     To give loving service for others, forgetting self.4)     To develop a thankful spirit.

 Your spouse is a special person created by God.  

1)     Give total acceptance to this person just as they are.2)     Be patient with the weaknesses3)     Appreciate the strengths4)     Pray together over the adjustments that will need to be made.

 Tomorrow our topic will be on the other two main temperaments and how they differ from the Choleric and the Melancholy. If you did not recognize either yourself or your spouse tonight perhaps tomorrow you will see a familiar picture. We need to remember that prayer helps us in adjusting to the different temperament types of family members. We need to learn to accept them and we need to learn to adjust. Jesus accepts each one just as we are. There is happiness when we do the same thing by accepting our spouse and family members just as they are. Prayer

TEMPERAMENTS – II 

God made every person a special individual. Each person is different from every other individual. We need to understand each other. The purpose of this lecture tonight is to learn how to understand our spouses better and to accept them just as God made them. Accept their strong points and be patient with their weak points. You can have a happier family by learning to understand your spouse. Let’s take a look at the four basic temperament types. Last night we discussed the Choleric who is the leader type and the Melancholy who is the artistic type. Tonight, we will look at the last two: the Phlegmatic, who is the peacemaker type and the Sanguine, who is the fun-loving type.  We can’t stress enough that we need to remember that each person has strengths and weaknesses. The strengths can make us very happy and the weaknesses can make us very sad. And so, what shall we do? We need to appreciate the strengths and we need to accept the weaknesses and accept our spouse just as they are. Remember, each one of us is a blend of the different temperaments: the leader type, the artistic type, the peace-loving type, and the fun-loving type. We each are a blend of the strengths and weaknesses within the four different types, so in one individual the leader may dominate the personality, while, in another the artistic may dominate, etc. So you see, the blending is usually very different in each person. Now we’ll look at the last two types. Let’s take the Phlegmatic type first – they have some wonderful strengths. Look at them. 

1)    He is willing to compromise, willing to adjust.2)    He is a peacemaker. This is a beautiful strength.3)    He avoids confrontation.4)    He is content with the way things are going and is very pleasant

to get along with.5)    He is a good listener.6)    He is a dependable worker, faithful at his job.7)    He makes friends very easily.8)    He has a stabilizing influence.9)    He is neat and proficient.

 Again, though as with the others, he has some weaknesses.

 1)    He may be lazy. 2)    Some procrastinate too much.3)    Some may deny their principles in order to avoid hassles.

4)    He may be indecisive, he sort of holds back and waits and doesn’t make a decision.

5)    He is opposed to change. He likes to follow routines.6)    He can be stubborn. He doesn’t want to get out of his

comfortable rut.7)    He may compromise too much and give up some principles he

shouldn’t.8)    He is a worrier.

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Now not all Phlegmatics have all of these, but they all have some of these weaknesses. The greatest needs of a Phlegmatic from a Christian standpoint, are the following:

 1)    To overcome this inertia. To become more enthusiastic and to

become involved and move ahead.2)    To learn to give of self to others. That’s a very important trait.3)    To be a true Christian rather than just acting like one. 4)    To recognize worry as a sin and to overcome it.

 Now, what kinds of jobs can a Phlegmatic do well? 

1)    Peacemaker2)    Agreeable spouse3)    A teacher4)    A diplomat5)    A social worker 6)    A secretary7)    A counselor

 Let’s move on to the Sanguine. The Sanguine has some very nice, strong points: 

1)    He has a very happy outlook on life.2)    Is a great story teller.3)    He attracts people; they like him because he is so friendly and

happy.4)    He is the life of the party. He speaks right out and is not afraid

to open up his heart to people.5)    Makes friends very easily.6)    He breeds enthusiasm. He can encourage others to get with it.7)    He’s gifted in caring for the sick. His cheerful, patient ways are

very pleasant in dealing with the sick.8)    He is tender and sympathetic and responsive to people.

 These are wonderful strengths. Not every Sanguine has all of these, but all Sanguines have some of them. Now let’s look at some of the weaknesses. 

1)    The Sanguine exaggerates too much. His stories are better than reality.

2)    He neglects duties. He is so busy having fun, he doesn’t always get things done.

3)    He appears to be phony because he is overly friendly, even if he hardly knows a person.

4)    He is easily distracted. He will run from one thing to another.5)    He talks too much about self.6)    He seeks approval. He wants everyone to like him.

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7)    He dominates a conversation. He will hardly let people have a chance to say a word, he just moves right in.

8)    He is quick to volunteer for assignments but soon forgets his promises.

9)    He is completely disorganized. Now, no Sanguine has all of these faults, but every Sanguine has some of these faults. What are the tasks and jobs that a Sanguine can fill?

 1)    Politicians2)    Actors3)    Preachers4)    Receptionists5)    Kind parents6)    Nurses7)    Lawyers

 The greatest needs of the Sanguine are:

 1)     To be more reliable and dependable. 2)     To develop a greater self-disciplined life.3)     To replace ego with genuine humility.4)     To develop a sincere spiritual life.

 We will send four different persons with the four different temperaments to trim a hedge. We will come back an hour later to check their progress in trimming the hedge. 

The first fellow has finished his job. He is putting his tools away and is ready to go onto the next job. This is the Choleric. The next one has not finished but everything is perfect, every leaf is in the right place. He still something to do, he’s not quite done. This is the Melancholy. We move to the next person and find he hasn’t even started yet. He’s sitting back relaxing, he can do it tomorrow. This is the Phlegmatic. And the last person has seen his neighbor across the fence and is too busy telling stories. He hasn’t started his job yet. This is the Sanguine.  Have you seen yourself and your spouse in some of these characteristics? If so, you see some of the weaknesses you can work on in your own temperament, and you see some of your spouse’s characteristics which are a fundamental part of the way they have been created. And so, you need to accept your spouse’s weaknesses just as they are and to appreciate their strengths. And remember, prayer makes a difference. God helps praying spouses.

Let’s close with prayer.

FAMILY WORSHIP 

Tonight we want to discuss a very important topic. We want to talk about how our families can come to know our best Friend. And related to that goal is the desire to have a deeply spiritual home where prayer is a vital part of the lifestyle of each family member. We know that God created us with the need to know Him. We are spiritual beings. To achieve genuine happiness this aspect of life must be nurtured. In Genesis we read, “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness.’” And so, the question is, how can a family develop a strong spiritual experience? First of all, the family should center around Jesus, the Bible, and prayer. The father is the priest of his family. The father’s duties should include: 

1)               Leading out in worship 2)               Directing his family to the Bible and Jesus 3)               Living an exemplary Christ-like life 4)               Spending prime time with his family

 The mother gives supportive leadership to her husband. Gen. 2:18 says, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper comparable to Him.”

 In Genesis 12 we have the story of God calling Abraham to leave his country and his father’s household and follow Him. And we are told that Abraham left, not knowing where he was going.  As we read on in this chapter we find that wherever Abraham stopped he built an altar to worship God. Abraham left an example of regular family worship. This is undoubtedly one reason why God in Isaiah 41:8 calls Abraham his friend. How wonderful! To have God consider me a friend! The great leaders of the Bible, those whom God honored, were those who led their families in the worship of God. We see this demonstrated also in the example of Joshua, recorded in Joshua 24:15. There, Joshua said to the children of Israel, “Choose you this day whom you will serve…but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” If we would be friends of God, we too must see that our children are reared knowing and choosing to serve Him. How can we do this?   In Deuteronomy 6:1-9 Moses gave instruction along this line. He listed the parents’ duties: 

1)               Know God’s will2)               Love God’s will3)               Teach your children God’s will – 24 hours a day

 We also have lessons from the Waldensian parents of the Dark Ages, who carefully taught the Scriptures to their children, during a time when it was illegal to possess the Bible.Family Worship Page 2

 Let’s look now at some ways in which we can plan for family worship.  

Family worship planning:  1)              Make it a joyous occasion. 2)              Worship should be Christ-centered.3)              Make worship Bible-based.4)              Praise God with joyous music.5)              The program should suit the age level and be appropriate for

each age. Whenever we have a special occasion in the family we should celebrate this at family worship. We should make plans for these special occasions and we should be sure to honor each family member at these times. Some of these special occasions could be: 

BirthdaysAnniversaries – not just wedding anniversaries, but anniversaries of other important occasions – maybe special answered prayers, for instance.HolidaysFriday eveningsClose of Sabbaths

 Bible charades will often make worship special occasions. 

You may not have used this device, but it is one in which children eagerly take part and which helps to imprint the Bible stories on their memories. The procedure is this: 

Divide the group into two teams – team A and team BEach team selects a Bible storyThe members of team A act out their story silentlyNo one is permitted to speakTeam B guesses what story team A is presentingAfter team B identifies the story in team A’s charade, they act out their story and team A guesses

Children love charades and will want to play it again and again. The lessons from the stories should then be discussed.

Special helps can be used to make worship interesting. We can find these for the appropriate age group and could include:

Bible storybooksBible videosBible cassettesChild’s Bible

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Have your children heard you pray each day? If we want our children to grow up believing that prayer is an important facet of their daily lives they must see that it is important to us. Take time each day to pray with your family and for your family.

May God bless your family, and remember to invite Jesus into your home every day. Prayer