Family Life, Military Style

The Silent RanksI wear no uniform, no dress blues or army greens.

But I am among the military ranks rarely seen.

I have no rank upon my shoulder. Salutes I do not give.But the military is the world in which I live.

I’m not the one who fires the weapons, who puts my life on the line.But my job is just as tough, I’m the one that’s left behind.

My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man, and the call to Serve his country, not everyone can understand.

Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free.My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do my children and me.

I love the man I man I married. Soldering is life.But I stand among the silent ranks known as the military wife.

Author Unknown

Types of military service

• Active Duty – USA, USMC, USN, USAF, USCG• AGR - Active Guard/Reserve• NGB - National Guard• Reserves – USAR, USMCR, USNR, USAFR, USCGR

Types of veteransVeteran Combat Veteran

Impact of deployment

History has taught Reunions/Reintegrations are more stressful than separation

• People grow and change• Expectations are different• Experiences were different

Being part of the military requires 2 sets of skills

“Military Skills” are not always the same as “Civilian Skills”

• Service members– need both War Zone/Military and Civilian skills

• Family members – part of a military community while living among civilians

• Communities – Don’t always understand challenges faced by service members and

military families

• “Normal” behavior for a military family is often not understood by other family members, friends, co-workers or our communities.

Mission Oriented

Military

• Mission assigned-unrelated tasks are unimportant

• Decisions need to quick, clear, accurate

• No time for discussion

“one person talks - everyone listens”

Civilian

• Multi-tasking – can cause confusion

• Difficulty in cooperative decision making

• Frustration with others

“everyone talks - no one listens

Talking

Military• May be limited - need to

know • Can be little or no time to

talk about powerful events• Don’t want to be seen as

“weak”• Civilians don’t

understand/ask too many questions

Civilian• “Civilianeze” foreign

language• Social chatter is a waste• Give little information• More comfortable with

other service members/battle buddies

Safety and Trust

Military

• Vigilance pays off• Never relax• Assume everyone is the

enemy

Civilian• Avoid getting involved• Always on guard• Suspicious of everyone• Test people to earn trust

• Difficulty attending activities, going out in public or large crowds or feeling safe with anyone but other service members or veterans

“Not talking about your emotions in war (strength)can lead to can’t talk about emotions at home (weakness)

Military• Control emotions• Numbing• Anger-useful, protective,

is a survival skill

Civilian• Appear insensitive to others• Decreased ability to read

others emotions• Decreased emotional

enjoyment• Irritability/defensiveness/ increased aggression

Emotions / Anger

Authority

Military• Little room for choice – no

discussion/debate• May be in leadership role,

gives orders• May not have much

authority• May not have faith in

authority

Civilian• May resent authority• May be reluctant to let

others have authority• May take on too much

authority, or want none at all

• May lead to increased confrontations

Closeness

Military

• Can create intense relationships

• Strong bonds – depend on each other for survival

• If losses, learn to avoid closeness

Civilian

• Long term intimacy more complicated

• May expect same level of intensity at home

• May push loved ones away• Loved ones may push them

away

StressorsService Member

• Focus on mission • Worry about family at home• May worry if still needed at

home• May not share information

with family• May share too much

information with family• Feeling of safety

Family Member• Worry about SM • Holding down the fort • Emotions - may hold back to

protect them or dump emotions if no other support system available

• May have increased emotional needs

• May not have support of a military community

MILITARY SKILLSDo not automatically change when they come

home

Reestablishing roles can be challenging

READJUSTMENT No definite time period

Can take weeks, months or years (depending on length of separation, experiences, resources, understanding by civilians)

Requires NEW WAYS OF THINKING

Reintegration

● Sharing responsibilities & decisions may be difficult

● Interdependence

● Understanding & patience

● Hard to give up independence

● New or different perspectives

FOCUS ON ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE

How have family members changed?

More independent Used to making their own decisions New friends/relationships Children may be significantly different New routines New perspectives Changes in the environment

KIDS’ REACTIONS TO CHANGES IN FAMILY DYNAMIC

Remember - the children have gone through this too……

o Vary by age of child

o Shouldn’t be taken personally by parents

o Address emotions

o Predictable overall

What to do for military families…• Ask them how they are doing before asking

anything else!• Be Respectful• Be Competent• Be Culturally Competent• Simplify complicated procedures• Consider schedules, needs, resources• Include military systems as appropriate• Refer to Military Family Assistance Center (FAC) • Contact FAC Specialists

POINTS TO PONDER !!!!!

“No One Comes Back Unchanged”(COL (DR.) Tom Burke, DOD, Director of Mental Health Policy)

War changes persons for the better too!

Help is available

“They” is “Us” – they’re our families, our friends, our neighbors, our coworkers

Resources WI Service Member Support Division (SMSD) -for Service

Members, Veterans and Family Members of all Service Branches www.wisconsinmilitary.org

Military OneSource – for Service Members and Dependents www.militaryonesource.mil

Real Warriors – building resilience, supporting reintegration and more www.realwarriors.net

National Military Family Association – for Service Members, Veterans and their families

www.militaryfamily.org

Center for Deployment Psychology – topic page on Military Families and Deployment

www.deploymentpsych.org/topics-desorders/military-families-and-deplendents

Resources Operation Homefront - for Service Members and Dependents.

www.operationhomefront.net/centralmidwest/wehelp.aspx Operation Military Kids - to connect military kids and enhance

their well-being www.militarykids.org

Military Kids Connect - an interactive website for military kidswww.militarykidsconnect.org

Joining Community Forces – for communities to join together in providing resources for our military population.

www.whitehouse.gov/joiningforces

This is just a very small sampling of resources available. If you want more specific resources, contact the Military Family Assistance Center at 1.800.292.9464 option 3

Thank you military families for your service

Thank you veterans and service members for

your service