Family Care Planning for the Divorcing Family

Divorce affects everyone adversely. In the rush to separate homes, assets, and all the other items that have been accumulated over the course of a marriage, sometimes the most neglected part of the divorce puzzle is the psychological and emotional toll that divorce takes on children. How do you make sure that children are well-adjusted in the transition from one family status to the next? Most importantly, how do parents make sure that children’s time is divided equitably? In these cases, it is often important to keep the needs of the children as the focal point of all discussions.

First, examine the plans that are already in place. Who is normally responsible for making sure that the children are taken to school? Who prepares their dinner? How is their play and entertainment structured?

Even the items that you think are insignificant could have a large impact on children, especially if they are used to a certain routine. Take all these things into consideration before adjusting your plans.

Second, if the children are old enough, talk to them. Include them in any plans or changes that are being made. Although the adjustment is hard, children are incredibly resilient and many times, can adjust with little resistance if they feel included in the conversation. At the start of the conversation, parents should reassure children that they did not cause the divorce and that they are still loved. Also, ask the children’s input on how much change they can handle? Would they mind if their parents split the responsibility of pickup and drop off? Do they have a preference to live with one parent over another?

While these may be tough questions, do not allow your ego to get in the way of the children’s wishes or best interest. Remember that children are people, not pawns in a chess game of divorce.

Finally, try to take measures that accommodate the needs of both spouses, but that cause minimal disruption in the family routine. Remember that needs are different from wants. Again, even though any change is difficult, there is no reason that a divorce cannot proceed amicably. There are cases of divorced parents who live in the same neighborhood. There are even divorced couples who still go on family vacations together with their exes and children.

When in doubt about how to proceed with a family

care plan during a divorce, there are many options available.

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