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Etiquette in the BDSM Lifestyle BDSM 103 Slide 2 What is Etiquette? What is Protocol? Why should this be important to me? Who wrote the Protocol Manual for the BDSM community? Levels of Protocol What are some typical protocols? Communication Protocols Behavioral Protocols Postural Protocols Slide 3 I use the terms Dominant and submissive throughout this presentation for simplicity. You may substitute terms appropriate for your relationship. I generally use male pronouns out of habit. Substitute whatever pronouns you prefer. Slide 4 The customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group. -- Google Definitions The conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life -- Merriam-Webster Dictionary Slide 5 1. Conventional requirements as to proper social behavior. 2. A prescribed code of usage in matters of ceremony. 2. A prescribed code of usage in matters of ceremony. 3. The code of ethical behavior among the members of a profession. Random House Kernerman Webster's College Dictionary, 2010 K Dictionaries Ltd. Slide 6 A system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in formal situations. -- Merriam-Webster Dictionary The formal etiquette and code of behavior, precedence, and procedure for state and diplomatic ceremonies. -- World English Dictionary A code of ritualized formal etiquette that provides rules for behavior, interaction and precedence within the community. -- Master Shacks Ultimate BDSM Lexicon Slide 7 Protocol (Etiquette) tells you how you are expected to behave within a particular society, community, or group. Protocol acknowledges orders of precedence within the community. Common protocols provide order and discipline among different groups within the community Would you rather be considered rude and disrespectful? Slide 8 Many of our protocols are based on military protocols. Some protocols are based on societal norms. Some protocols are based on popular fiction. Slide 9 High Formal. Rigid postures. Medium Informal. Relaxed postures. Low Relaxed. Intended to not draw attention. Slide 10 There is no definitive Protocol Manual for the BDSM or Leather communities. There are some commonly accepted protocols, although these do have variations between communities, between organizations, between families, etc. These common protocols include Communication Protocols Behavioral Protocols Postural Protocols Slide 11 Slide 12 How we speak to each other Slide 13 Dominants should be addressed by title or as Sir or Maam. Ask if in doubt. Submissives should be addressed by title or name depending on how they were introduced. Ask if in doubt. If you dont know the person and their protocol, ask before starting a conversation. Dominants ask if the submissive has permission to talk. Submissives ask if they may speak to the Dominant. Introductions: Mention the name of the higher ranked/older person first, then introduce the lower ranked/younger person. Slide 14 Some submissives are allowed the use of personal pronouns when referring to themselves. Listen to how they speak or ask. Sir, may I Sir, may this slave/it Sir, do You wish me to Sir, do You wish this slave/it to Dominants and submissives may discuss any matter at all, at the Dominants discretion, but they do not debate! Slide 15 General rules of good behavior Slide 16 Behavioral protocols are generally designed to show respect. They also demonstrate strength of character, confidence, and etiquette. Protocols are executed with grace and poise and quietly. Proper execution of the common protocols gives credit to the trainer and the submissive. Slide 17 DO NOT TOUCH without permission! Clothing, including collars or cuffs Toys Any part of a persons body! Unless you are in a relationship with the other person or in an active scene with them, you are equals. A submissive normally walks to the left and about one step behind a Dominant unless instructed otherwise. If your Dominant puts something on you it stays on until He takes it off or directs you to take it off. Slide 18 A submissive will always act and respond in such a way as to make the Dominants orders look right. A submissive will never give the appearance that he thinks a Dominant has made a mistake, whether by facial expression, body language, or verbal challenge. If the submissive feels that he has information the Dominant is lacking, or sees a better possibility that the Dominant has not considered, the submissive asks whether the Dominant wishes him to convey such information. Slide 19 Party/Play space Protocols Be respectful and courteous. Learn the rules of the venue as soon as possible. The play space is for play, not for socializing. Clean up after yourself. Dont make assumptions. When in doubt, ask. Do not interrupt a scene. Keep a safe distance away. If you dont like what is going on, dont watch. Leave the drama at home. Dont gossip. If you want to discuss something that happened, dont use names or locations. Slide 20 Showing pride in our roles Slide 21 We all should take pride in our respective roles in the community, that includes slaves! Stand/sit erect with your back straight and shoulders squared. Submissives can show their status by keeping their heads bowed slightly. The key to performing these positions properly is to be able to hold them without wavering and to move between them smoothly. Slide 22 When assuming these position take a moment to clear your thoughts and be present to your status. Presenting Primary position used for greeting and showing respect Standing Present Full Present Honor Present Special purpose Inspection Plead/Punishment Slide 23 Presenting Slide 24 Special Positions Slide 25 Slide 26 Alamo City Training Academy Dan Shackelford (Master Shack) Director (210) 632-6992 FetLife: Alamo City Training Academy https://fetlife.com/groups/30674 Master Shack https://fetlife.com/users/251604 Alamo City Training Academy Dan Shackelford (Master Shack) Director (210) 632-6992 FetLife: Alamo City Training Academy https://fetlife.com/groups/30674 Master Shack https://fetlife.com/users/251604