estate planning & elder law firm coaching

What got you here Won’t get you there

How to choose a life you love

1 © 2014 Lawyers with Purpose, LLC What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

Intentions of the day Create the possibility to choose a

life you love and live it NOW

© 2014 Lawyers with Purpose, LLC 2 What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

8:00am – 9:45am Discussion/Work 9:45am – 10:00am Morning Break 10:00am – 11:45am Discussion/Work 11:45am – 1:00pm Lunch 1:00pm – 2:30pm Discussion/Work 2:30pm – 3:00pm End of Day Debrief

Agenda


People don’t stumble on success; they choose it!

Marshall Goldsmith Author: “What Got You Here Won’t Get you There”


How did you get where you are today?

Activity 1: Where am I?


Now that you know what got you where you are,

where do you want to go? What do you choose going forward?


Where were we just 21 months ago when the WHY program started?


Mindset § Expectations/Leadership/Contribution

Skill Set § What is Blue?/MIFy™/Reflecting

Goal Set §  Future Focuser/Monthly/Weekly/Daily

January 29, 2013 You must be what you want from the world


How do you/others see the world? § Past experiences/habits/beliefs/bias

Whose Right? § Getting to “and” § WATT™ are they thinking

Conflict Resolution § GoDumb™

June 4, 2013 Whose perspective are you in?


Thinking vs. Declaring §  Idea Focuser

Making ideas real requires action §  Implementation Focuser

Progress vs. Transformation § WHY Formula: E2+I2=P3

E2 = Entrepreneur must envision & enroll I2 = Infrastructure must be improving & impactful P2 = Purpose; professionally, personally & profitably

October 22, 2013 Why be in a why conversation?


R factor question § 3 year/retirement

DOS Analysis § Dangers/Opportunities/Strengths

Eradicating my destructive past § Choosing what stays and what goes

February 7, 2014 Choices


Goal setting §  It’s not about the goal, it’s about who we become in the

process of getting there

§ Areas of life that drive or drain you

June 13, 2014 Becoming 360°


Choosing a future you love and living it now

Today:


•  Identify new successes inherently set in the future. • How do we derive the benefits of our goals in the

present? • Beware of goal setting for the sake of goal setting.

It must be tied to your purpose! • Beware of perfectionism; being so focused on

doing it perfectly (or a certain way) that you lose sight of what it was intended to do!

Goal setting

© 2014 Lawyers with Purpose, LLC What Got You Here Won’t Get You There 14

Do you remember The gap?

Concept of Dan Sullivan of Strategic Coach


MANY want to be “liked,” “Admired” & “respected”

and act in a way they feel will get them these.


Distinction You must focus on your “purpose”

If you do: you will be liked, admired and respected

What purpose (Success) do I seek and how can I choose it rather than

Waiting for it occur (or not) Decide vs. Choose


•  “Decide”

•  “Choose”

When you say them, how do you feel about what comes after the word?

What’s the difference?

© 2014 Lawyers with Purpose, LLC 18

Past Based Closes off

Future Based Opens up

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

Decide is limited to what you already know (past)

Choosing is limited to what you can imagine (future)

But all we ever have is now (present)

You can’t “Decide” the future, You can only “Choose” the future


Everyone gets a past, a present and a future. It’s what we do Now that

distinguishes us.


How can we choose a future we love and derive the joys of it Now (in the

present) Success and joy is not a destination,

it’s a manner of traveling


How most people operate


Present Future Past

2. Trudge through past or try to rid “pain” and make present better

1. Look to the past to decide what needs to be improved

No Access to Future

Something New

Freedom cycle – Dan Sullivan

© 2014 Lawyers with Purpose, LLC 23

Present Future Past

3. Utilize effective past in present to get to the future you choose 1. Choose future

“Innovation”

2. Decide what from the past will help you get to the future you choose

5% of the world operates this way

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

The present comes last.

You must first choose your future.

Then look to your past to decide what to utilize in the present.


Let’s imagine a future not limited by our past!

Activity #2: Beginning My Freedom Cycle


Now lets look to our past, to decide what to focus on to help

create a future we can begin living now (present)

Activity #3: Progress Focuser


Now that we have an idea of the future we are creating, how do we

get there? No man is an island.

-Thomas Merton


What got you here wont get you there

Marshall Goldsmith Hyperion, 2007


“One of the greatest mistakes of successful people is the assumption:

I behave this way and I achieve results, therefore I must be achieving results, because I

behave this way” Marshall Goldsmith


Success happens because of our behavior and in spite of our behavior, the key is to know

the difference Marshall Goldsmith


• How we act – (What does the camera see?) § Do we need “approval of others?” § Do we need to “look good?” § Do we contribute to, withdraw from others?

• How we speak § Do we say “can’t,” but,” “why,” “problem” § Do we say “can,” “and,” “how,” “challenge”

“Successful people believe in themselves and their talents. They see the good in every situation (even bad ones.) They see opportunities where

others see threats.” -Marshall Goldsmith

Our success is dependent on…


How do we act?

What are our habits?

We succeed by what we do

and…

what we don’t do


• Do: § Say please and thank you § Acknowledge people §  Listen (MIfy™)

• Don’t do: §  Interrupt § Be a jerk (short) § Put your needs first § Be late

Goal: I need/want to be nicer


How we speak

“That’s the funny thing about stopping some behavior. It gets no

attention, but it can be as crucial as everything else we do combined.”

Marshall Goldsmith


“as we advance in our careers, behavioral changes are often the only significant changes

we can make.” Marshall Goldsmith


There are 20 destructive habits* to our success/joy

* Work of Marshall Goldsmith


• Winning too much § The need to win at all costs and in all situations – when it

matters, when it doesn’t and when it’s totally beside the point

• Adding too much value § The overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every

discussion

• Passing judgment § The need to rate others and impose our standards on

them

• Speaking when angry § Using emotional volatility as a management tool

Destructive Habits


• Making destructive comments § The needless sarcasms and cutting remarks that we

think make us sound sharp and witty

• Starting with “No,” “But,” or “However” § The overuse of these negative qualifiers which secretly

say to everyone, “I’m right. You’re wrong.”

• Telling the world how smart we are § The need to show people we’re smarter than they think

we are

• An excessive need to be “me” § Exalting our faults as virtues simply because they’re who

we are

Destructive Habits


• Negativity, or “Let me explain why it won’t work” § The need to share our negative thoughts even when we

weren’t asked

• Withholding information § The refusal to share information in order to maintain an

advantage over others

•  Failing to give proper recognition § The inability to praise and reward

• Claiming credit that we don’t deserve § The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution

to any success

Destructive Habits


• Making excuses § The need to reposition our annoying behavior as a

permanent fixture so people excuse us for it

• Clinging to the past § The need to deflect blame away from ourselves an onto

events and people from our past

• Playing favorites §  Failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly

• Passing the buck § The need to blame everyone else but ourselves

Destructive Habits


• Refusing to express regret § The inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit

we’re wrong or recognize how our actions affect others

• Not listening § The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for

colleagues

•  Failing to express gratitude § The most basic form of bad manners

• Punishing the messenger § The misguided need to attack the innocent who are

usually only trying to help us

Destructive Habits


How do you score on destructive habits?

Activity #4: Destructive Habits Self-Assessment


What would others say? Activity #5: Destructive Habits 360° Assessment


What habits or ways of being can you start (or stop) to support

a future you love? Activity: Complete Insights on Assessments


• Apologize

•  Listen

• Say “thank you!”

*Based on excerpts from Goldsmith’s “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”

Habits of successful (purposeful) people*


Apologizing is the “Magic Move” It allows the past to be Closed

Your decision to leave a withdrawal from the past in the past (not take it with you)


• Think before you speak •  Listen with Respect (MIfy™) • Ask yourself “is it worth it?” (to speak)

Listening Do’s


• Don’t interrupt (can’t listen if talking) • Don’t finish others sentences • Don’t say “I knew that” • Don’t agree with other person (just say thank you) • Don’t use “No,” “But,” or “However” • Don’t be distracted (multitask or let eyes wander)

Are you disposed to listen? Let’s see?

Listening Don’ts


• Close your eyes and count to fifty – without any other thoughts coming into your mind

•  If you get distracted, start at the last number you remember saying

How far did you get?

One minute activity


• Who are you most grateful for (Living or deceased)

• Write down who comes to the top of your mind

Would they know you think it?

Thank you


What is your purpose? What is your Passion?

What do you love to do? Time goes by quickly when doing it.

It’s easy to you. Others regularly comment on it.


•  I need to make $X

•  I need to buy a house

•  I need to…

We often focus on what we need


Be careful; “need” is often a “worthy” conversation that we feel

a need to “justify” Any justification required holds you to your past


• Think of clients who hire/don’t hire you

§ The ones that need what you do often don’t hire you

§ The ones that want what you do are your favorite/best clients

Need vs. Want


“Need” requires justification “Want” requires value recognition

It’s all in your thoughts Thoughts can imprison you


Our past (events/thoughts) that hold us back can be eradicated

“Pastacide” – we must separate the pain from the past, by identifying the lesson from it. Once identified, the pain

disappears (Dan Sullivan)


Beware of activities devoid of energy!

High points in life relate to high energy activities Low points in life relate to low energy activities


Most interactions in life are people sharing the low energy activities

(Complaining/Judging/etc.) Are you glued to the “news?”


Where we derive our energy is great insight to our “Purpose”

Where we lose energy is great insight to what stops us from the future we want


Let’s look at what gives us energy and what takes our energy and

identify how to maximize our high energy Activities Activity #6: Present Focuser


Today, we focused on you.

Today is already the past What do you choose for your future and what do you

decide to take from today (which examined your past and identified the worthy parts), to your present to have the

future you seek? Activity: What can I be now to assure

a future (and present) I love © 2014 Lawyers with Purpose, LLC 61 What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

Final Activity My Four Month Focus


Final Debrief

First (10 minutes) In groups of 3-5, share:

What I expected was…what I got was… What stands out most from today was…

or Share a general comment

Then (20 minutes) Each group will share one (1) with the room

For this PowerPoint email [email protected]


estate planning & elder law firm coaching

Law

pm discussionwork

sake of goal setting

pm lunch

pm end of day

areas of life

destructive past

declaring idea focuser

r factor question