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It is generally accepted that families are not ()close as they used to be.

Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families

could be brought closer together.

Just five decades ago, family bonds were much stronger than our present time. Grandparents

living with grandchildren under the same roof was an out of question matter.  It might pass

your mind that living as a part of an extended family could lead to numerous arguments (),

lack of privacy. Even if its true, reality proved that the modern nuclear family was not any

different . In this essay , I will discuss some of the reasons why this alternation in family

structure occurred and some suggested solutions to overcome associated problems.

With the breakthrough in cybernetics , members of the same family tended to depart from

one another. Computers aids  in an individual's isolation for long hours. Recent studies

showed that over 30 % of young people's lives , ages between 20 to 30 years old, are wasted

in front of computers. This explains why the time spent with their families had dramatically

dropped. Another reason,that initiated this change is the way workers earn their

living. In the early years of last century , working within a family business was the most

acceptable job. A family consisting of 50 members or so, could work as farmers or fishermen ,

contrary to today, where everyone leads a different profession.

However , with some effort and simple alteration our families could get the best of the two

worlds. Strong ,supportive family with no privacy intruders. Firstly , meeting with the big

family ; uncles,aunts,cousins  and grandparents, should be done on weekly basis to avoid

emotional detachment. Secondly ,as a small family , parents should aim to explore new

activities that all family members enjoy and be able to spare  time together.

To sum up, it is up to each person to establish a healthy way of communication with his/her

surrounding enviroment . Taking that extra step will allow us to regain the warmth of the old

days without lossing  our modernization .

You have provided some good reasons and suggestions as required, well

done. However, your introduction needs attention.

An essay introduction serves to attract the reader’s interest, introduce

the topic, and explain what the essay will be about. Correspondingly, an

essay introduction contains three features that usually appear in the

following order: an attention-getter, some background information and

the central idea.

You have included the ‘attention-getter’ but the remainder of the

introduction should be reviewed. I don’t believe that sentences like “Inthis essay , I will discuss  some of the reasons why this alternation in family structure

occurred and some suggested solutions to overcome associated problems.” are the

central idea. 

Comment: as

Comment: If family bonds wemuch stronger, why was this othe question?

Comment: and

Comment: “modern nuclear fa

Comment: Are you sure this isword you should use? cybernnoun [U] 

the scientific study of howinformation is communicate

machines and electronic dein comparison with how

information is communicatethe brain and nervous syste

Comment: aid

Comment: worlds, a strong ansupportive family with no privacintruders.

Comment: spend