EOI OURENSE- MINDFULNESS IN CLASS

CLASSES WITHOUT MINDFULNESS

CLASSES WITH MINDFULNESS

By: ANA MARIA MARIÑO PEGO and Mª ISABEL SALANOVA

INDEX:

1. INTRODUCTION 2. OBJECTIVES 3. KEY COMPETENCES 4. ACTIVITIES 5. DIDACTIC RESOURCES 6. EVALUATION 7. BIBLIOGRAPHY 8. ANNEXES

1 INTRODUCTION:

MINDFULNESS IN OUR CLASSES

This unit is for students in the levels of B1 and B2 in the School of Languages in Ourense. However, it could be used in Bachillerato too. It is done for a ninety-minute session.

Mindfulness helps us to be present and aware all the time, which helps concentration that is so important when trying to learn. It helps us not to judge ourselves and our thoughts. If we do not judge ourselves and our thoughts, our opinions, our way of being and living, why should we judge other people´s ways of being and living? We can be more respectful and open-minded.

If students are able to accept themselves and their circumstances, they will be able to accept other classmates´ circumstances and opinions. Mindfulness allows us to know ourselves and understand other people.

We know that we are not perfect, we know that the rest of the people are not perfect, we accept this fact and we do not judge. We feel compassion.

With Mindfulness we become more creative, this means that we can find more creative activities in our teaching process. It is a way of motivating students. We must take into account that, nowadays, the trend is that students are the ones that must be active in their learning, so we have to give them the tools for learning. In my opinion, motivation is the best tool.

Being aware and paying attention to what we are doing is being mindful. When we, as teachers, start losing control, because we realise that a student is not paying attention, we must breathe and accept it. Acceptance is another important characteristic of mindfulness. Nevertheless, we must try to call their attention. We can have a bell in the class and ring it every time we feel that the students are not paying attention. We can also use the bell when they say that they cannot do an activity, when they say that they do not want to speak, when they do not respect other students or other students´ opinions… In short, we can use the bell as a reminder every time we think that students are not being mindful. Instead of the bell, we could use some colourful cards with different messages, but there are two blind students in one of the groups, so the use of the bell is more convenient. On some occasions, we can use the application Insight Timer as a resource to help them concentrate again.

To conclude, it can be a good idea to introduce the school year with these ideas taken from Mindfulness and put them into practice every time we need to during the teaching- learning process.

2 OBJECTIVES

- To be able to make students pay attention. If they are concentrated, they will understand and learn.

- To make students understand that they cannot judge themselves. If they do not judge themselves, they will not be shy or afraid of making a mistake. When students make mistakes, they learn.

- To make students understand that they cannot judge their mates. If they respect their mates, they will be respected.

- To encourage students to participate in an active way in their learning.

- To motivate students. When students are motivated, they learn.

3 KEY COMPETENCES

The key competences that will be present in our unit are the following

- The linguistic competence: We use the English language in all the tasks and we develop the four skills (Oral Expression, Written Expression, Oral Comprehension and Written Comprehension) in English. - Learning to learn:

With Mindfulness, students are all the time conscious and concentrated on what they are doing. This helps them to assimilate the contents.

- Digital competence: They can use a tablet, laptop or mobile phone for their guided meditations.

- Social and civic competences: They will be respectful when their mates make a mistake. They will respect different opinions. They will see that people from all over the world, with different cultures, with different languages or with different religions practise Mindfulness. They will be more open-minded.

4 ACTIVITIES

TASK 1

Option for B2 (annex 1-A)

Listening- comprehension text adapted from BBC English Six Minute English.

Timing: 25 minutes

Objectives:

- To introduce the topic so that they would have an idea of what mindfulness is.

Option for B1 (annex 1-B)

Listening- comprehension text adapted from BBC English Six Minute English

Timing: 25 minutes

Objectives:

- To learn to be aware of what can make us happy

TASK 2 (annex 2)

Reading-comprehension text:

Mindfulness Improves Reading Ability, Working Memory, and Task-Focus, say UC Santa Barbara Researchers By Sonia Fernandez Tuesday, March 26, 2013 - 17:00 Santa Barbara, CA Timing: 20 minutes Objectives:

- To make them understand why Mindfulness is useful when studying. TASK 3 A guided meditation with the application INSIGHT TIMER Timing: 10 minutes (5 minutes to explain the application to them and 5 minutes of meditation) Objectives:

- To teach them how to use the application, so that they can use it out of the classroom when they need to.

- To teach them how to stop, breathe and be aware.

TASK 4 (annex 3) Ask the students to answer some questions. The teacher could be the first one to answer so that the students would know what we want of them.

By asking these questions, you are revealing something about yourself as well. You are showing others that you are engaged, interested, and aware of their value as a person. You are inviting authentic and genuine sharing and connection. When you make others feel valued and important, you are setting a foundation for lasting, mutually satisfying relationship.

Timing: 30 minutes Objectives: - To know more about our students. TASK 5 WRITING ACTIVITY (Homework) Timing: 5 minutes (this time will for giving them the copies and explaining the activity) The students will be asked to write a composition about their opinion on Mindfulness. Opinion essay: Do you think that Mindfulness can help you in your studies? Write your opinion. Include the following points: - The meaning of the word “Mindfulness” (As an Introduction) - Reasons why you think that Mindfulness can be helpful (or not) - Whether you are going to use Mindfulness or not (As a conclusion) Write between 200- 230 words. (B2) Write between 150-180 words. (B1)

5 DIDACTIC RESOURCES - A computer with the Internet connection - A bell - A blackboard - The application Insight Timer 6 EVALUATION The evaluation will be continuous during all the school year. We will see in our everyday practice if the results of introducing Mindfulness in our lessons really works. 7 BIBLIOGRAPHY

- Real Decreto 1041/2017, de 22 de diciembre, por el que se fijan las exigencias mínimas del nivel básico a efectos de certificación, se establece el currículo básico de los niveles Intermedio B1, Intermedio B2, Avanzado C1, y Avanzado C2, de las Enseñanzas de idiomas de régimen especial reguladas por la Ley Orgánica 2/2006, de 3 de mayo, de Educación, y se establecen las equivalencias entre las Enseñanzas de idiomas de régimen especial reguladas en diversos planes de estudios y las de este real decreto.

- Ley Orgánica 8/2013, de 9 de diciembre, para la mejora de la calidad educativa

(LOMCE),

- Mindfulness Improves Reading Ability, Working Memory, and Task-Focus, say UC Santa Barbara Researchers By Sonia Fernandez Tuesday, March 26, 2013 - 17:00 Santa Barbara, CA - BBC English, Learning English, 6 Minute English, Mindfulness www.bbc.co.uk/learningenglish/thai/.../6-minute-english/ep-1706...

- BBC English, Learning English, 6 Minute English, Happiness

- 25 questions to ask people. LiveBondandBloom.com https://liveboldandbloom.com › Mindfulness

ANNEX 1-A

You are going to listen to a recording on the topic of MINDFULNESS. In the spaces provided, IN BLOCK CAPITALS, complete the information required with one word. Use the exact words which appear in the recording.

Neil OK, I just mentioned schools: how many teachers in the UK are trained to teach mindfulness? Is it…

a) 500, b) ________ or c) 50,000?

So, if they feel _______________, then they can really develop their concentration and their focus, and relax. Learning happens so much more easily if you're relaxed and happy.

Neil Fair enough. Being grounded, as she says, helps students ______________ and learn in a relaxed way. Catherine Yes. The UK's national health advisory body has recommended it to help treat conditions like ____________ and anxiety. Catherine And a new study has claimed that eating ________________ can actually help people to lose weight. Catherine A __________ is when you support something or someone in an unfair way, because of your preferences or beliefs. Neil Next, we have ______________. It contrasts with 'religious'. Neil Yes, that would be ______________ meaning to take quiet time to focus deeply on something.

Key: Neil OK, I just mentioned schools: how many teachers in the UK are trained to teach mindfulness? Is it…

a) 500, b) 5,000 or

c) 50,000?

So, if they feel grounded, then they can really develop their concentration and their focus, and relax. Learning happens so much more easily if you're relaxed and happy.

Neil Fair enough. Being grounded, as she says, helps students concentrate and learn in a relaxed way. Catherine Yes. The UK's national health advisory body has recommended it to help treat conditions like depression and anxiety. Catherine And a new study has claimed that eating mindfully can actually help people to lose weight. Catherine A bias is when you support something or someone in an unfair way, because of your preferences or beliefs. Neil Next, we have secular. It contrasts with 'religious'. Neil Yes, that would be meditate meaning to take quiet time to focus deeply on something.

BBC LEARNING ENGLISH 6 Minute English

Mindfulness This is not a word-for-word transcript

6 Minute English ©British Broadcasting Corporation 2017 bbclearningenglish.com Page 1 of 5

Neil OK, I want you to close your eyes. Focus… on your breathing. Catherine Er, Neil? Can we do this later? We've only got six minutes. Neil Ok, Catherine. Welcome to a mindful edition of 6 Minute English, where we're exploring the rise of mindfulness – particularly in schools. Catherine And we'll be teaching six items of vocabulary along the way. So I think we should start with mindfulness itself. Neil Being mindful, as an adjective, means 'being calmly aware of everything in your body and mind'. You only focus on 'now'. Catherine People practise mindfulness, the noun, by focusing only on their breath, and not allowing themselves to be distracted by passing thoughts. Neil Indeed. It's traditionally associated with Buddhism, and has become incredibly popular in the secular world – in workplaces, in private classes and even in schools. Catherine Secular means 'non-religious' by the way. Neil OK, I just mentioned schools: how many teachers in the UK are trained to teach mindfulness? Is it… a) 500, 6 Minute English ©British Broadcasting Corporation 2017 bbclearningenglish.com

Page 2 of 5

b) 5,000 or c) 50,000? Catherine Let me focus really hard – I think it's 5,000. Neil A very mindful answer, Catherine. But I'll reveal the real answer later. Now let's hear from one teacher who's been practising mindfulness with students for many years. Alison Mayo, Head of Early Years at Dharma Primary School, thinks it's particularly suited to young children. Why? INSERT Alison Mayo, Head of Early Years, Dharma Primary School That's very natural for children - to be in the present. And we really kind of celebrate that because that is a place where they are learning. So, if they feel grounded, then they can really develop their concentration and their focus, and relax. Learning happens so much more easily if you're relaxed and happy. Neil Alison said it was natural for children to be in the present. Catherine The present – means 'now'. You'll know it from the 'present tense' in grammar. And people who practise mindfulness use this phrase a lot – to be in the present, or in the present moment. Neil It sounds simple, but actually it's very hard to achieve. Catherine Well, Neil, it might be for an old chap like you, but for young people, Miss Mayo thinks it's very natural. Neil Fair enough. Being grounded, as she says, helps students concentrate and learn in a relaxed way. Catherine Grounded is another good adjective there – it means 'rational, sensible, clear thinking'. Neil So, she's a fan of mindfulness. And there's growing evidence behind its benefits. 6

Minute English ©British Broadcasting Corporation 2017 bbclearningenglish.com Page 3 of 5

Catherine Yes. The UK's national health advisory body has recommended it to help treat conditions like depression and anxiety. Neil Studies have shown it reduces levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. Catherine And a new study has claimed that eating mindfully can actually help people to lose weight. Neil You mean eating slowly? Catherine Yeah, slowly and really experiencing and tasting the food. Not being distracted and not eating too much too fast! Anyway, Neil, is mindfulness taking over the world? Neil Well, not quite yet. There still aren't many detailed studies on it – and some critics say the studies we have show a publication bias. In other words, only the positive results are published. Catherine A bias is when you support something or someone in an unfair way, because of your preferences or beliefs. Neil What seems certain is that mindfulness has entered into many aspects of modern life, at least here in the UK. Now, let's look back at our question. I asked how many teachers in the UK have been trained in mindfulness. Catherine And I said 5,000. Neil Well, it was actually 5,000. Well done! According to the Mindfulness Initiative. And it keeps on growing. Catherine So before we finish up, here's another question that might be useful for our listeners – what's the difference between mindfulness and meditation? Neil Aha – that's not so easy to define. Meditation is the broader term. When you meditate you spend time quietly – focusing your mind - often for relaxation or spiritual purposes. 6 Minute English ©British Broadcasting Corporation 2017

bbclearningenglish.com Page 4 of 5

Mindfulness is a particular a kind of meditation – when you try to empty your mind of thought. Does that make sense? Catherine Yeah, more or less. So we'll let our listeners meditate on that answer. And before we empty our minds, let's look back at today's words. We had mindfulness, mindful and mindfully – they all relate to the particular practice of being only focused of what's happening now. Neil What's happening now, or we could say – what's happening in the present. People often focus on the past – thinking back about mistakes or happy memories… Catherine Or on the future – which can be full of worries. But by being in the present – you overcome these thoughts and fears. Next, we have secular. It contrasts with 'religious'. So, while a church is a religious building, we also have secular buildings – like factories and shops and hospitals… Neil All non-religious buildings, in other words! Catherine Exactly. Now, tell me Neil, are you feeling grounded right now? Neil You're asking if I'm thinking clearly and feeling connected to the world? Do you even have to ask, Catherine – I'm a very grounded person. Catherine You are, most of the time. Most of the time you're naturally grounded, every now and again you get a bit panicked, but … some of us need to remember to slow down, chill out and meditate once in a while. Neil Yes, that would be meditate meaning to take quiet time to focus deeply on something. Catherine Exactly. Now for more ways to improve your English I suggest you mindfully visit our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube pages. Neil

Yes, focus only on our pages. Don't be distracted by anything else!

ANNEX 1-B

Listening exercise- B1

What are the secrets to making us happy?

Listen to Rob and Finn and choose the right answer

1) Finn is feeling a bit miserable because……

a) He´s got no free time

b) He isn´t fit

c) He can´t smile

2) The things that make Finn feel happy are……

a) Lots of food

b) Positive things

c) Good wine

3) The things that make people unhappy are……

a) Not materialistic values

b) Not going on holiday

c) Not having enough money

4) A study has found that your happiness increases when……..

a) You have children

b) You grow up

c) Your children leave home

5) The study has also found that being sad for……….. of the time is good for

you.

a) 10%

b) 20%

c) 8%

Explain the meaning of the following words

satisfaction

a state of mind

materialistic

goals

hectic

rewarding

comforting

KEY

Listening: 1b/ 2c/3a/4c/5a

Vocabulary

satisfaction

the good feeling you get when you get something you want

a state of mind

how someone feels about their life at the present time

materialistic

believing money and possessions are the most important things

goals

things you want to achieve

hectic

busy, lots of things going on

rewarding

a feeling of satisfaction and pleasure

comforting

making you feel less sad or worried

BBC Learning English 6 Minute English 15 August 2013 The secret of happiness 6 Minute English © bbclearningenglish.com 2013 Page 1 of 4 NB: This is not a word for word transcript Rob: Hello and welcome to 6 Minute English. I'm Rob and with me today is Finn. Finn: (sounding glum) Hi Rob. Rob: Finn you're sounding a bit down in the dumps – you know, a bit miserable. Finn: Well Rob I am. It's raining again… I've got no money… and I'm feeling unfit too – just look at me! Rob: Hmm. Well I've got some news today that might put a smile on your face. It's about a new study that tells us how we can make ourselves happier. And we'll be using some words about happiness too. Finn: Well that's sounds good and I'm feeling a lot happier already, thank you, Rob! Rob: So Finn, what other things make you feel happy? Finn: The finer things in life – good food, fine wine, things like that. And you Rob? Rob: For me, it's got to be… everything! Nothing worries me and I always look for the positive things even in a bad situation. You could say I'm happy-go-lucky! And to keep you happy, let's see if you know the answer to today's question. The World Happiness Database has ranked countries in order of how happy their people are – or to be more precise - their 'satisfaction with life'. Do you know which country came top of the list? Was it: a) Finland

b) Canada

c) Costa Rica Finn: I think Finland has a high quality of life but let's say the happiest nation is Canada. 6 Minute English © bbclearningenglish.com 2013 Page 2 of 4

Rob: Canada, ok. We'll find out if you are right at the end of the programme. So, let's talk more about happiness. There's been some good news from Holland – that's where the World Happiness Database is – at the Erasmus University in Rotterdam. Finn: It's been collecting the results of studies about happiness from all over the world. Rob: And now all that information has been put together to produce some interesting results. Finn: Surely, Rob, happiness is a state of mind – so different things make different people content – or happy – depending on their mood or situation at the time? Rob: Yes, but this research has found some factors that we all share when we are searching for happiness. It also found what made people unhappy. Finn: So, maybe things like not having enough money or not going on holiday? Rob: Nothing like that, not materialistic values. Unhappy people are more aware of their life goals – things they want to achieve because they want to change their life for the better. Does that sound like you Finn? Finn: Not me Rob. I lead such a hectic – or busy – life that I don't always get time to think about the future! Rob: That's good because the study found having an active life is most important for a happy and rewarding life – that means a feeling of satisfaction and pleasure. There are other reasons too as we can hear from the Director of the World Happiness Database, Professor Veenhoven. When in life does he say we are happiest? Professor Rudd Veenhoven, Director of World Happiness Database: Research has shown that we can make ourselves happier because we see that happiness does change over time, and that these changes are not just a matter of better circumstances but also better dealing with life. Elderly people tend to be wise and for that reason, happier. Finn: OK, our happiness changes over time. It's older people – the elderly - who are happiest because, he says, they are wiser. They understand things more and have learnt to deal with the problems in life. So Rob, you're old so you should be happy, right? 6 Minute English © bbclearningenglish.com 2013 Page 3 of 4

Rob: Wrong, Finn! The study has also found having children – which I do - lowers your happiness level. Finn: But it does say your happiness increases when they grow up, your children grow up, and leave home. Rob: That's good to hear. The study also says if you think you're good looking, rather than if you actually are, makes you happier. So you might be really ugly but if you think you're handsome then you're happy. Isn't that right Finn? Finn: Right yeah, I guess that makes me the happiest man on the planet, Rob! Rob: Did you also know, being in a long-term relationship and going out for dinner a lot also makes you happier. Finn: Oh, so are you saying I need to do these things to be happy? Rob: Yes Finn. But luckily for you, the study has also found that being sad for ten per cent of the time is actually good for you. Let's face it – we can't be happy all the time! Finn: That's comforting to know – but Rob you can cheer me up – or make me happier - by telling me that I answered today's question correctly. Rob: We'll see! Earlier I asked you which country did The World Happiness Database rank as having the greatest 'satisfaction with life'? Finn: I said Canada. Rob: I'm sure the Canadians are very happy people, but you're wrong. All those countries are in the top ten but Costa Rica is at number one. Hopefully this programme has put you in a good mood. Join us again soon for 6 Minute English from BBC Learning English. Both: Bye.

ANNEX 2 Mindfulness Improves Reading Ability, Working Memory, and Task-Focus, say UC Santa Barbara Researchers By Sonia Fernandez Tuesday, March 26, 2013 - 17:00 Santa Barbara, CA

If you think your inability to concentrate is a hopeless condition, think again –– and breathe, and focus. According to a study by researchers at

the UC Santa Barbara, as little as two weeks of mindfulness training can significantly improve one's reading comprehension, working memory capacity, and ability to focus.

Their findings were recently published online in the empirical psychology journal Psychological Science.

"What surprised me the most was actually the clarity of the results," said Michael Mrazek, graduate student researcher in psychology and the lead and corresponding author of the paper, "Mindfulness Training Improves

Working Memory Capacity and GRE Performance While Reducing Mind Wandering." "Even with a rigorous design and effective training program,

it wouldn't be unusual to find mixed results. But we found reduced mind-wandering in every way we measured it."

Many psychologists define mindfulness as a state of non-distraction

characterized by full engagement with our current task or situation.

For much of our waking hours, however, we are anything but mindful. We

tend to replay past events –– like the fight we just had or the person who just cut us off on the freeway –– or we think ahead to future circumstances, such as our plans for the weekend.

Mind-wandering may not be a serious issue in many circumstances, but in tasks requiring attention, the ability to stay focused is crucial.

To investigate whether mindfulness training can reduce mind-wandering and thereby improve performance, the scientists randomly assigned 48 undergraduate students to either a class that taught the practice of

mindfulness or a class that covered fundamental topics in nutrition. Both classes were taught by professionals with extensive teaching experience

in their fields. Within a week before the classes, the students were given two tests: a modified verbal reasoning test from the GRE (Graduate

Record Examination) and a working memory capacity (WMC) test. Mind-wandering during both tests was also measured.

The mindfulness classes provided a conceptual introduction along with

practical instruction on how to practice mindfulness in both targeted exercises and daily life. Meanwhile, the nutrition class taught nutrition

science and strategies for healthy eating, and required students to log

their daily food intake.

Within a week after the classes ended, the students were tested again.

Their scores indicated that the mindfulness group significantly improved on both the verbal GRE test and the working memory capacity test. They also mind-wandered less during testing. None of these changes were true

of the nutrition group.

"This is the most complete and rigorous demonstration that mindfulness

can reduce mind-wandering, one of the clearest demonstrations that mindfulness can improve working memory and reading, and the first study to tie all this together to show that mind-wandering mediates the

improvements in performance," said Mrazek. He added that the research establishes with greater certainty that some cognitive abilities often seen

as immutable, such as working memory capacity, can be improved through mindfulness training.

Mrazek and the rest of the research team –– which includes Michael S.

Franklin, project scientist; mindfulness teacher and research specialist Dawa Tarchin Phillips; graduate student Benjamin Baird; and senior

investigator Jonathan Schooler, professor of psychological and brain sciences –– are extending their work by investigating whether similar

results can be achieved with younger populations, or with web-based mindfulness interventions. They are also examining whether or not the benefits of mindfulness can be compounded by a program of personal

development that also targets nutrition, exercise, sleep, and personal relationships.

Read the text and decide whether the following statements are True or False.

STATEMENTS T F

Ex. 0. A research shows how Mindfulness helps to learn to

focus

x

1. In our everyday activities, we always pay attention to what

we are doing.

2. There are certain tasks that need complete attention.

3. All the students that participated in the research practised

Mindfulness.

4. Mindfulness training also helps to improve memory.

5. Scientists are now investigating if Mindfulness can be useful

in other life aspects such as sleep.

Key:

STATEMENTS T F

Ex. 0. A research shows how Mindfulness helps to learn to

focus.

x

1. In our everyday activities, we always pay attention to what

we are doing. x

2. There are certain tasks that need complete attention. x

3. All the students that participated in the research practised

Mindfulness. x

4. Mindfulness training also helps to improve memory. x

5. Scientists are now investigating if Mindfulness can be useful

in other life aspects such as sleep. x

ANNEX 3

Here are 15 questions to ask people to draw them out . . .

1. What is your best childhood memory?

This question always makes people smile and often leads to a humorous or poignant exchange about family, travel, holidays and traditions, hopes and dreams, and friendship. You learn a lot about someone when they share aspects of their childhood.

2. If you had a chance for a “do-over” in life, what would you do differently?

This question gives insight into a person's state of mind about who they are, their vulnerabilities, and their hopes and dreams. Often sharing regrets or unmet desires opens doors to considering new possibilities or the confidence to make needed change.

3. What do you feel most proud of?

This question makes people feel you are really interested in them and who they

are. Everyone wants to feel accomplished and proud, and we all want an

opportunity to share our successes without looking like a braggart. The answers

give you great insight into what the person values most in life.

4. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?

This question not only allows you to discuss and share travel experiences, but also it affords insights into the other person's interests, personality, and sense of adventure.

5. If you could only keep five possessions, what would they be?

This question really makes people think. We are so attached to our possessions, but truthfully there are only a few that matter deeply to us. When people are forced to define those few, it gives insight into what they value most.

6. What teacher in school made the most impact on you and why?

Teachers can play a pivotal role in helping us develop a love of learning, discover our life passions, and draw out our innate skills. Sometimes they are people who inspire us or who simply believe in us and want the best for us.

7. What was one of your most defining moments in life?

This is a great question to invite sharing on a deeper and more vulnerable level. Often defining moments come during profound life transitions like death, divorce, job loss, etc. It is during these times we are called to make a huge mental, physical, or emotional shift.

8. Who do you most admire in life?

This is a great question to learn more about the kind of person someone wants to emulate. We admire people whose actions and character reflect what we want in ourselves. This will tell you a lot about the true character of a person.

9. What are you most afraid of?

This is a very probing and enlightening question. Everyone has fears, and our fears reveal our vulnerabilities and pain. When someone shares this with you, you must respond with care, kindness, and trustworthiness. You must treat their fears with dignity so they feel safe connecting with you on this more intimate level.

10. What is your strongest personal quality?

Most people feel uncomfortable with this question at first because they want to appear modest. But truly we all want to feel validated about our positive qualities and have others recognize this about us. People will usually follow up by asking this question of you, and it creates a positive feeling and bond between you.

11. What was your most embarrassing moment?

This is a fun question that can lead to laughter and connection. Most people enjoy telling funny stories about themselves if there isn't shame or guilt involved. Occasionally someone will reveal something painful or shameful, and this is the time to show empathy and caring.

12. What age do you feel right now and why?

Ask this question of someone over 50, and you'll get some interesting responses. As we get older, most people don't “feel” their chronological age. It's enlightening to learn how people perceive themselves internally even though externally they may be at a completely different stage of life.

13. What is a skill you'd like to learn and why?

Most of us have something we want to learn to improve ourselves or for simple enjoyment. This question gives the person the opportunity not only to share that desire, but also to examine why they haven't pursued learning the skill.

14. What does a perfect day look like to you?

Thinking about this question requires us to dig around in our memories for previous perfect days. It's a feel good question that gives both people an infusion of happiness and maybe even the desire to recreate that perfect day.

15. How would your friends describe you?

This question allows the other person to talk about themselves from an outside perspective. It invites self-awareness and self-honesty and opens the door to more authentic conversation.

By asking these questions, you are revealing something about yourself as well. You are showing others that you are engaged, interested, and aware of their value as a person. You are inviting authentic and genuine sharing and connection. When you make others feel valued and important, you are setting a foundation for lasting, mutually satisfying relationship.