My Growth in Writing

Claire Dodelin

Dr. Matthew Horton

English 1101

08 December 2011

English 1101 Final Portfolio Project Title

Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter ....................................................................................................................1

Least Successful Article Response ..................................................................................................4

Most Successful Article Response ...................................................................................................6

“What’s the Difference?” .................................................................................................................8

Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ........................................................................10

Least Successful Article Response (final) .....................................................................................12

Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .........................................................................14

Most Successful Article Response (final) ......................................................................................16

Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...........................................................................................18

Most Successful Essay (final) ........................................................................................................24

1

December 8, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Claire Dodelin and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College. As I look back at the assignments I have done I see an extreme amount of improvement. When I took English classes in high school, I never seemed to improve my writing skills a substantial amount. It only took me a semester of your English 1101 class to improve tremendously. I honestly did not expect to have such a noticeable change in my writing. After reading over all of my assignments in this class, I have noticed the remarkable changes that have occurred in my use of words. You have shown me a different perspective on writing that I been used to. I have learned how to structure an entire essay with simple rules that you explained. I have dramatically changed with my use of grammar. I have learned that writing resembles a puzzle. There are certain ways in which words can flow and fit together. I never realized this before I took this class. I thought writing was simply inscribing my ideas on paper. Instead it is a way to exhibit my ideas into words that fit together like a puzzle. I decided my best and worst pieces of writing and displayed them in this portfolio. I would love for you to take the time to notice the progress I have made. I hope that my hard work is clear in this display of work. I have challenged myself by going over these writings numerous times to make sure they were at the peak of perfection. You have taught me so much in a matter of five months that I could revise writing that I once thought was flawless. I want to thank you for your inspiration and support. You have me convinced that I am capable of being a good writer, which is something I never thought I could be. Please read through my portfolio and notice my extra effort that I have given. Although it may not be perfect, I am positive I am a better writer than the one that came into the classroom in August. To prove it to you, please read this portfolio and see the growth of my skills. In my least successful article response, I explained the science behind everyday choices and their connection to socioeconomic statuses. The article is called “The Social Animal” by David Brooks. For this article response I received a grade of eight out of ten. After rereading this article response, I was aware of the major mistakes I made. The first paragraph vaguely detailed the important ideas in the article. I did my best to explain that this article clarifies how our conscience differs among socioeconomic groups, but my wording seemed to be unstable. I made sure that I fixed that problem when I revised the article response. Throughout the article, Brooks explains the life of a young boy, temporarily named Harold. When I explained Harold in the article response, I had a very backward approach. I had a difficult time explaining Harold’s background and his socioeconomic status. Therefore, the wording was very sloppy and did not do much justice. When trying to explain Brooks in depth reasoning behind every action of Harold, I noticed that my wording did not flow as well as I wanted it to flow. In the second

2

paragraph I wrote about the purpose and significance of this article is to provide evidence that different groups of people make different decisions based on their upbringings. I also realized that I had numerous examples of irrelevant information. My most successful article response was about the article “The Schools We Need” by Erik Reese I made a grade of nine out of ten. It was a very interesting article that I enjoyed writing about. I spent a lot of time on this article response, and I believe that it was by far my best effort. I checked that this response did not give any untrue information by using the unnecessary words. I made sure that I followed the guidelines of a successful article response by explaining the article and giving its significance. I did notice that I was very vague in this article response until I read over it again. I gave information, but the information was very broad and did not establish any specific ideas that Reese wrote about. For example, when I was explaining teacher and student motivation, I expected the reader to know what kind of motivation they need. After I read over it, I noticed that the motivation is specific for the motivation to succeed and graduate from high school. There was also too much repetition in this article response. I almost summed up the entire response with one sentence that I had repeated. I am very proud of my writing for the most successful response, but I wish I would have checked over it a couple more times for mistakes before I had turned it in. In my most successful essay, I explained a fight for the title of valedictorian at my high school during my senior year. While I was writing this essay for the first time, I thought it was going to be perfect. I then visited you for a conference, and you were not blown away. I knew that the situation in the essay was a bit confusing, but you were not even worried about that. You reminded me that it was not analytical. You then helped me change it into an analytical essay. You enlightened me with the idea to write about the insignificance of titles and how they were too important in my situation. You began to walk me down the path of this improved topic, but you allowed me to finish the path by myself. It was truly inspirational, and you gave me some pointers for along the way. You allowed me to use my imagination and write an essay that is most likely the best writing I have ever created, but it also followed guidelines. It was a creative essay with a firm backbone. It was not perfect though. I did not have the best topic sentence, so I improved it in this portfolio. Honestly, I had a difficult time finding problems with the essay as a whole. There were many small problems that I fixed, such as grammar and punctuation, but I felt frustrated when I could not find any major mistakes. My essay is surely my favorite piece of work, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. I am proud of my growth in this class. I will admit that I never thought a class could improve my skills so tremendously. Looking back on the assignments I have done, I am happy with my grades. I noticed that they range from eighty percentiles to ninety percentiles. I wish that I would have done more than one optional quote response, because I did well on it. I seemed to always forget about any assignment that was due on Fridays. I also wish that I could have pushed myself more to improve my grades. I would be willing to go home and work hard to get a one hundred percent, but I would lose motivation by the time I was able to finish the assignment. My grades barely improved during the entire semester. They were always just enough to keep my satisfied, but not enough to show my possible work and effort. After reading over all of my work, I am proud of my achievements and growth in the matter of a semester. I know that I am fully

3

prepared for my next step in English 1102. I would like to thank you for preparing me so thoroughly. I knew immediately when the portfolio project was another option as a final besides the in class essay that I would be doing this project. I knew that it would be hard work and time consuming, but I felt that I should push myself to give the most effort I have all year. When I look back on the class I regret not working to my best ability, so this was my chance to prove to you how much potential I have. I know for a fact that I am a better writer than I was at the beginning of this class. I have worked on this portfolio as if it were my masterpiece, and now I wish to share it with you. I believe that I deserve an “A” for my work I have done in your English 1101 class. I would never tell a teacher that I deserve such a high grade if I did not think that I deserved it. My grade has been increasing the entire semester and I believe that I am continuing to increase my skill and work. No matter what grade I receive, I have earned the greatest achievement by my growth as a writer alone. Thank you so much for reading my portfolio, but most of all thank you for everything you have taught me during this semester. Sincerely, Claire L. Dodelin

4

Least Successful Article Response

Brooks, David. "The Social Animal." The New Yorker. Condé Nast Digital, 13 Jan. 2011. Web.

9 Sept. 2011.

David Brooks wants us to understand our conscience’s role in everyday life. He explains

that researchers have been doing studies to completely understand the true science behind the

human mind and our culture’s way of socializing. Brooks is trying to understand why the

conscience has to do with the reason that so many young people are dropping out of high school,

and if it has anything to do with our socioeconomic class system or the way we are raised. In the

article, he simply explains the life of “Harold”, a young member of the composure class. This

class is understood to be a group of people that were raised by high standards, “got good grades

in school, established solid social connections, joined fine companies, medical practices, and law

firms. Wealth settled down upon them gradually, like a gentle snow”. While telling Harold’s life

story, Brooks explained the background research behind each action Harold did. He compares

and differentiates between men and women all while explaining their conscience and the

research that proves why humans do what they do, and how we use our emotions to socialize.

This article is culturally significant because as humans, we completely rely on our

conscience to do daily tasks. While doing these tasks we become involved with other humans

which leads to social interaction. By understanding the reasons behind the reasons behind our

actions, we can understand the reasons behind other’s actions. The area of culture this article is

pertaining to is the social aspect of our society. Without our society, we would only be singular

people living in a world without interaction. With the help of recent discoveries, including brain

scans which show areas of the brain with the most activity, we can now be closer to

5

understanding the human’s thought processes. This research is very important to our culture

because it is one step closer to a complete understanding of our mind, which is something that

has not had an exact definition for the entire era of human life. The question about how our

conscience works and the reason behind what humans choose to do can be answered by this

newly found research of the mind.

 

6

Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman,12 pt

Formatted: Centered

Most Successful Article Response

Can Teachers Change the Future?

Reese, Erik. “The Schools We Need”. Orion Magazine. Orion, Sept. 2011. Web. 6 October

2011.

According to Erik Reese, American education needs an extreme uplift. He is trying to

make enable us the readers understand that teachers and students can change the face of our

America’s education system for the better. The problem with America’s schools does not exist

because of tests, books, or the actual school buildings, but it exists because teachers and students

have lost their motivation to succeed. He argues that students in this the current generation are

very distracted by popular culture. Most distractions in the class room come from new

technological devices, such as cell phones and laptops. This makes it curriculum very difficult

for teachers to educate teach because students are too busy occupied in other worldswith their

devices. Not only students, but teachers are lowering American educational standards, too. Reese

states, “tTeachers show no passion for their subjects and they don’t seem to know their subjects

very well.” He believes that both teachers and students’ lack of effort and motivation in

classroom have lead to the destruction of American education. He explains that teachers should

try to influence their students into treating their subjects as more than a class, but as a

opportunity to investigate a future career choice. According to Reese, if once these things can be

are changed, our American education will be more likely to excel.

Erik Reese’s idea is culturally significant because the children in our American schools

today will become the future leaders and workers in America. If students are interested in what

they learn, they will may be more motivated to attend college. If they are interested in this

education they will may continue onto their careers. With this motivation in their careers, they

Formatted: Different first page header

Formatted: Font: Italic

Comment [C1]: Erik Reese is not trying to make us understand. I did not make the sentence very clear. I changed it to enable so that it does not seem that he is forcing people to do something they may not want to do. 

Comment [C2]: I was very vague in this sentence. I simply threw in the idea of teacher and student motivation. I did not specifically explain what type of motivation the teachers and students are losing, but I did when I changed it to the motivation to succeed. 

Comment [C3]: This sentence is very repetitive. I felt that it was not very necessary for my article response. I added new information which can allow the reader to understand the article better.  

Comment [C4]: By simply changing one word in the sentence, the entire meaning of the sentence changes. I was giving false information to the reader by saying that if students are interested in learning they will be more likely to go to college. This is not necessarily true, and I changed the sentence by including the word “may”. I made similar changes in the next sentences – good thing I learned this! 

 

7

Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman,12 pt

Formatted: Centered

may be more prepared tocan do their best at their job. This will may benefit the students by

allowing them to be happy with their chosen career and most likely bring them more income.

This greater income can allow a better economy, and happier citizens in America. If students are

not interested in their education now, then they are may be more likely to become more focused

on distractions rather than their future. Reese’s point of view is challenging the audience to

examine their educational culture in America. We can gainThere may be a better future for our

American children by simply redirecting our nation’s teachers.

Comment [C5]: I noticed that I was using “our” to explain American children numerous times. It is more appropriate to say “American” than using a type of word that resembles “you” or “your”. 

 

8

What’s the Difference?

I chose the article “The Social Animal” by David Brooks for my one of my first article

responses. For this article response I received a grade of eight out of ten. I can understand the

reason I received this grade after I have read it over again. I began with my first paragraph by

vaguely detailing the important points in the article. I did my best to explain that this article

clarifies how our conscience differs among socioeconomic groups, but my wording seemed to be

awkward. The article explains the life of a young boy, temporarily named Harold. When I

explained Harold in the article response, I had a very backward approach. I detailed Harold’s

socioeconomic status terribly and probably confused the reader! When trying to explain Brooks

in depth reasoning behind every action of Harold, I noticed that my wording did not flow. In the

second paragraph I wrote about the purpose and significance of this article is to provide evidence

that different groups of people make different decisions based on their upbringings. I also

realized that I had numerous examples of irrelevant information.

I chose “The Schools We Need” by Erik Reese for my most successful article response. I

made a grade of nine out of ten. I spent a lot of time on this article response, and I believe that it

was by far my best effort. I made sure that this response did not give any false information by

using the wrong words. I made sure that I followed the guidelines in that area. I did notice that I

was very vague in this article response. I gave information, but the information was very broad

and did not establish any specific ideas that Reese wrote about. For example, when I was

explaining teacher and student motivation, I expected the reader to know what kind of

motivation they need. After I read over it, I noticed that the motivation is specific for the

motivation to succeed and graduate from high school. There was also too much repetition in this

article response. I almost summed up the entire response with one sentence that I had repeated. I

 

9

am very proud of my writing for the most successful response, but I wish I would have checked

over it a couple more times before I had turned it in.

The differences between the two article responses are very obvious to me. I realized that I

started in this class with two problems. One problem was being able to make my writing to flow.

Luckily, I think that I overcame that problem by the time I wrote my most successful article

response. The least successful article response, on the other hand, did not flow properly. My

sentences sometimes did not make sense, and often times seemed backwards. The second

problem that I faced before I took this class was making my writing specific. My most successful

article response shows examples of this. I did not know the importance of making my writing

specific until I took this course. After rereading my previous work, I have gained knowledge to

be able to write successfully in the future.

 

10

Least Successful Article Response

Choices Differ Depending on Socioeconomic Status

Brooks, David. "The Social Animal." The New Yorker. Condé Nast Digital, 13 Jan. 2011. Web. 9

Sept. 2011.

David Brooks wants us to understandis trying to prove the our conscience’s role in

everyday life. He explains that researchers scientists have been doing studiessearching to

completely fulfill their understanding of the true science behind the human mind and along with

the mind’s role in American our culture’s way of socializingsocialization. Brooks is triesying to

understand explain why the conscience has to do withis responsible for the dropout rates in

American high schools. the reason that so many young people are dropping out of high school,

He also explains the connection of the choices Americans make to theirand if it has anything to

do with our socioeconomic c class system or the way we are raised. In Throughout the article, he

simply explains the life of a man temporarily named “Harold”., a young member of the

composure class. Harold is in a social class of people This class is understood to be a group of

people that were are raised by with high standards, “got good grades in school, established solid

social connections, joined fine companies, medical practices, and law firms. Wealth settled down

upon them gradually, like a gentle snow”. While telling Harold’s life story, Brooks explained the

background research behind each action Harold didof Harold’s actions. Brooks does not only

clarify the difference of social classes, but the different choices that are made depending on

gender. He explains Harold’s wife’s choices He compares and differentiates between men and

women all while explaining their conscience and the research that proves why humans do what

they do, and how we humans use our their emotions to socialize.

Formatted: Font: Italic

Comment [C1]:  This sentence does not make sense with the use of “us” and “our”. I should have established a better way to get the reader to understand that David Brooks wants every person to understand the conscience’s role. I changed the sentence so it could explain the role of the general conscience. 

Comment [C2]: When I had written “and” in this area, it made the reader think that scientists wanted two separate things to understand. These two things were the science of the human mind and the ways of the American culture’s socialization. Instead, I want the reader to understand that Brooks is trying to explain the science of the human mind and the mind’s role in socialization. 

Comment [C3]: I put Harold’s name in quotations here to hint that Harold is not the actual name of the man that Brook is explaining. The quotations did not do justice, though. It would be difficult for the reader to know that Harold was a temporary name for the man. I also only used his name in quotations in this sentence, and did not use quotations in any other area of the article response. This means that I was not being persistent with my writing. 

Comment [C4]: This area of the paper was very jumbled. I feel that I went off topic in some areas, and did not keep a steady frame of writing. I was explaining Harold’s actions and then quickly jumped to the differences between gender by the following sentence. I made a more clear choice of words to explain my point without going off topic from Harold by including his wife. 

 

11

This article is culturally significant because as humans, we completely rely on our

conscience to do daily tasks. It is essential for humans to understand the reasoning behind the

choices we make. Social interaction occurs very often, while taking part in everyday tasksWhile

doing these tasks we become involved with other humans which leads to social interaction. By

understanding the reasoning s behind the reasons behind our actions, we can understand the

reasons behind other’s actions. This article e area of culture this article is pertaining to is the

social aspect of our the American society. Without our this entire country which we call a

society, we would only be singular people living in an area world without interaction. With the

help of recent discoveries, including brain scans which show areas of the brain with the most

activity, we can now be closer to understanding the human’s thought processes. Instead,

Americans have formed together and have researchThis research is very important to our culture

because it that is one step closer to a complete understanding of our the human mind., This is

important because which the human mind is something that has not had an exact definition for

the entire era of human life. The question about how our conscience works and the reason behind

what humans choose to do can may be answered in the future by this newly foundnew research

of the human mind.

 

Comment [C5]: This sentence seemed to be very backwards. This made it difficult for the reader to understand. I rephrased the sentence in a way which made it easy to comprehend, instead of having to reread it for it to make sense.  

Comment [C6]: I deleted this sentence because it is completely irrelevant. It is absolutely off topic and does not support the article response in any way.  Instead, I have added a better sentence that continues the flow of the paragraph and helps explain the article’s significance. 

Comment [C7]: This continuation of the sentence made the sentence seem like it continued forever. It did not allow the essay to flow like it should. It was very tedious use of words and extremely unnecessary. I fixed this so that It would not sound so horribly. 

Comment [C8]: I was misleading the reader in this sentence because I made a false statement. I told the reader that the unanswered questions about the human mind can be answered by this research. Instead, there are hopes that this research may one day give us better understanding of the human mind. 

 

12

Least Successful Article Response

Choices Differ Depending on Socioeconomic Status

Brooks, David. "The Social Animal." The New Yorker. Condé Nast Digital, 13 Jan. 2011. Web. 9

Sept. 2011.

David Brooks is trying to prove the conscience’s role in everyday life. He explains that

scientists have been searching to fulfill their understanding of the human mind along with the

mind’s role in American socialization. Brooks tries to explain why the conscience is responsible

for the dropout rates in American high schools. He also explains the connection of the choices

Americans make to their socioeconomic class system. Throughout the article, he explains the life

of a man temporarily named Harold. Harold is in a social class of people that are raised with high

standards, “got good grades in school, established solid social connections, joined fine

companies, medical practices, and law firms.” While telling Harold’s life story, Brooks

explained the background research behind each of Harold’s actions. Brooks does not only clarify

the difference of social classes, but the different choices that are made depending on gender. He

explains Harold’s wife’s choices and the research that proves how humans use their emotions to

socialize.

This article is culturally significant because as humans, we completely rely on our

conscience to do daily tasks. It is essential for humans to understand the reasoning behind the

choices we make. Social interaction occurs very often, while taking part in everyday tasks. By

understanding the reasoning behind our actions, we can understand the reasons behind other’s

actions. This article is pertaining to is the social aspect of the American society. Without this

entire country which we call a society, we would only be singular people living in an area

 

  13

without interaction. Instead, Americans have formed together and have research that is one step

closer to understanding the human mind. This is important because the human mind is something

that has not had an exact definition for the entire era of human life. The question about how our

conscience works and the reason behind what humans choose to do may be answered in the

future by this new research of the human mind.

 

 

 

14

Most Successful Article Response

Can Teachers Change the Future?

Reese, Erik. “The Schools We Need”. Orion Magazine. Orion, Sept. 2011. Web. 6 October

2011.

According to Erik Reese, American education needs an extreme uplift. He is trying to

make enable us the readers understand that teachers and students can change the face of our

America’s education system for the better. The problem with America’s schools does not exist

because of tests, books, or the actual school buildings, but it exists because teachers and students

have lost their motivation to succeed. He argues that students in this the current generation are

very distracted by popular culture. Most distractions in the class room come from new

technological devices, such as cell phones and laptops. This makes it curriculum very difficult

for teachers to educate teach because students are too busy occupied in other worldswith their

devices. Not only students, but teachers are lowering American educational standards, too. Reese

states, “tTeachers show no passion for their subjects and they don’t seem to know their subjects

very well.” He believes that both teachers and students’ lack of effort and motivation in

classroom have lead to the destruction of American education. He explains that teachers should

try to influence their students into treating their subjects as more than a class, but as a

opportunity to investigate a future career choice. According to Reese, if once these things can be

are changed, our American education will be more likely to excel.

Erik Reese’s idea is culturally significant because the children in our American schools

today will become the future leaders and workers in America. If students are interested in what

they learn, they will may be more motivated to attend college. If they are interested in this

education they will may continue onto their careers. With this motivation in their careers, they

Formatted: Font: Italic

Comment [C1]: Erik Reese is not trying to make us understand. I did not make the sentence very clear. I changed it to enable so that it does not seem that he is forcing people to do something they may not want to do. 

Comment [C2]: I was very vague in this sentence. I simply threw in the idea of teacher and student motivation. I did not specifically explain what type of motivation the teachers and students are losing, but I did when I changed it to the motivation to succeed. 

Comment [C3]: This sentence is very repetitive. I felt that it was not very necessary for my article response. I added new information which can allow the reader to understand the article better.  

Comment [C4]: By simply changing one word in the sentence, the entire meaning of the sentence changes. I was giving false information to the reader by saying that if students are interested in learning they will be more likely to go to college. This is not necessarily true, and I changed the sentence by including the word “may”. I made similar changes in the next sentences – good thing I learned this! 

 

15

may be more prepared tocan do their best at their job. This will may benefit the students by

allowing them to be happy with their chosen career and most likely bring them more income.

This greater income can allow a better economy, and happier citizens in America. If students are

not interested in their education now, then they are may be more likely to become more focused

on distractions rather than their future. Reese’s point of view is challenging the audience to

examine their educational culture in America. We can gainThere may be a better future for our

American children by simply redirecting our nation’s teachers.

Comment [C5]: I noticed that I was using “our” to explain American children numerous times. It is more appropriate to say “American” than using a type of word that resembles “you” or “your”. 

 

16

Most Successful Article Response

Can Teachers Change the Future?

Reese, Erik. “The Schools We Need”. Orion Magazine. Orion, Sept. 2011. Web. 6 October

2011.

According to Erik Reese, American education needs an extreme uplift. He is trying to

enable the readers understand that teachers and students can change the face of America’s

education system for the better. The problem with America’s schools does not exist because of

tests, books, or the school buildings, but it exists because teachers and students have lost their

motivation to succeed. He argues that students in the current generation are very distracted by

popular culture. Most distractions in the classroom come from new technological devices, such

as cell phones and laptops. This makes curriculum very difficult for teachers to teach because

students are too occupied with their devices. Not only students, but teachers are lowering

American educational standards, too. Reese states, “teachers show no passion for their subjects

and they don’t seem to know their subjects very well.”. He explains that teachers should try to

influence their students into treating their subjects as more than a class, but as a opportunity to

investigate a future career choice. According to Reese, once these things are changed, American

education will be more likely to excel.

Erik Reese’s idea is culturally significant because the children in American schools today

will become the future leaders and workers in America. If students are interested in what they

learn, they may be more motivated to attend college. If they are interested in this education they

may continue onto their careers. With this motivation in their careers, they may be more

prepared to do their best at their job. This may benefit the students by allowing them to be happy

with their chosen career and most likely bring them more income. This greater income can allow

 

17

a better economy, and happier citizens in America. If students are not interested in their

education now, they may be more likely to become more focused on distractions rather than their

future. Reese’s point of view is challenging the audience to examine their educational culture in

America. There may be a better future for American children by simply redirecting our nation’s

teachers.

 

  

18 

Most Successful Essay

A Title: A Small Word with a Huge Meaning

In his article “The Failure of American Schools,” Joel Klein explains the reasons why our

nation’s educational system is slacking. He states, “but we still won’t get to where we need to go

unless we’re prepared to do three difficult, but essential, things: rebuild our entire K–12 system

on a platform of accountability; attract more top-flight recruits into teaching; and use technology

very differently to improve instruction.” I agree with Klein’s basic idea of improvement, but I

feel that there is another aspect in which American schools are failing. It is mandatory for all

American children to attend school for about thirteen years of their life, more or less. The most

important purpose of American schools is to educate and prepare our nation’s upcoming adults.

Not only are the children learning academics, but also influential lessons that will be useful in

their future. It is important to understand that not only new K-12 systems, better teachers, and

technology lead to better schools, but also the lessons that are taught by their teachers. These

lessons hold a large amount of significance to the children’s lives. Teachers influence students

into believing that hard work and effort can lead to a successful student and an achieved title.

They say that if you work hard and achieve the highest grade point average possible, you will be

awarded with a title of valedictorian. Is this status a necessary part of education? Should it be?

Or should American schools rebuild the social importance of titles along with their new K-12

system?

This article reminded me of the controversy of valedictorian I observed during my senior

year at Etowah High School. Sydney and I had attended school together in Cherokee County for

twelve years; our senior year was our thirteenth. She had always been known by our class as the

overachiever. Her mother was a scientist of some sort and Sydney received the intelligent gene

Dodelin

19 

from her mother. Since our mothers parents were close friends, Sydney and I would spend a

great deal of time together. I can remember in fourth grade, she would never make a grade below

an A. Not only was she extremely smart, but she was a hard worker. In high school she took as

many Advanced Placement classes as possible while also being on the cross country team. When

senior year approached, everyone in our grade expected that she would receive the title of

valedictorian. When the counselors announced that she was not, there was an outbreak. Kelly,

another student, had actually won this honor, but no one had ever heard her name or seen her

face before. This surprise led to a huge controversy in the school and community because of the

importance of a title. After a long, vigorous fight a resolution to the valedictorian problem was

established,; but after it all I wondered if the battle for the title of valedictorian was truly worth

the outcome. .I realized that American education made a mistake by persuading students into

believing that titles hold extreme importance.

Most of the students that began their education in Cherokee County continued their

education in the same schools until they graduated. This made all of the students in a particular

grade closely related. We were so stunned to learn that Kelly was going to receive the title of

valedictorian because no one knew her, yet she was in our class. Although Kelly was still

enrolled as a student at Etowah High School, she was jetting to a college. Jetting allows a student

to still be enrolled in a public school system while they attend a college near the high school. She

was taking college level classes at The University of West Georgia and had been since she was a

freshman. The grades she received in the classes were converted into Advanced Placement

grades. Because Kelly made all A’s in her college level classes, they were converted to 110

percent grades at Etowah High School. The regulations for these classes at The University of

West Georgia allowed Kelly’s grades to convert into the highest grade possible for Etowah’s

Comment [C1]: My thesis statement was very vague. It did not point out the importance of my paper, it simply gave a nice rhythm to it. I changed it to this new thesis statement because it explains the purpose of my paper as a whole. It ties in the article, my background story, and the point I am trying to get across to my audience. 

Dodelin

20 

standards. She had received the highest grade point average of our senior class, and was given

the label of class valedictorian. Sydney and the rest of the senior class felt that this was an unfair

award to Kelly and began to fight for what we thought was Sydney’s deserved right to be the

valedictorian.

The title of valedictorian was so important to our school that our community

began to struggle with the situation. This made me quickly understand how status plays a role in

an upper middle class society in which I lived. The controversy was soon known by every parent,

student, teacher, and other citizen in the county. Everyone supported Sydney because she was an

active participant in our community and because she was well known. Not only was the title

important to Sydney, but to everyone else in the community. Multiple debates were held by the

school system during March of our senior year, only a few months before we graduated. Parents

and students would come out to protest and try to prove why they thought Sydney should be

labeled valedictorian. Students of the senior class began to make t-shirts to show their opinion on

the problem. At one of the meetings held by the Cherokee County School System, they proposed

an idea that they hoped everyone could accept. They offered two one titles of co-valedictorians

for both students. This way, both students could share the honor of having the highest grade

point average. Kelly, Sydney, and the community accepted this idea of two valedictorians

sharing the title. After all of the months of fighting and rage, there was finally a resolution. This

is when I stood took a step back and asked myself, was all the time and strenuous work

worthwhile? The controversy was a sign for me to realize how American schools have been

skewing our idea of success.

Since the first moment I stepped in a classroom, teachers have always suggested that

great grades make you a great person. They influenced me into believing that making all A’s will

Comment [C2]: This sentence did not make complete sense. I’m sure it took a second for the reader to understand what I was trying to explain, but the next sentence helped. I tried to fix it by saying that both girls received the title of valedictorian, but it had a different title of “co‐valedictorian”. 

Dodelin

21 

lead to a successful life. This is not necessarily true. For example, there are great people in this

world that do not have any sort of education. Another failure of American schools is the extreme

value they attach to titles. In the long run, the title of valedictorian had nothing to do with

Sydney or Kelly’s achievements. The reason that they both received the title was because of the

efforts that the community put into the situation. Even if Sydney had not received any title, it

would not have affected her hard work and dedication as a student. She still would have the same

grade point average and proof of her Advanced Placement classes. Titles have no purpose in any

school system because they simply restate the known. Everyone in our class knew that Sydney

had the highest grade point average, even before we were concerned with the title. The title did

not make her look better on her college applications or in any other aspect. The community as a

whole was fighting for label that had no significance because American schools place so much

value on the title of valedictorian. If American schools wish to redirect their education, they

should not simply attempt to change the obvious factors, but they should consider changing their

obsession with titles because status should not be a part of education.

It is important to realize this because the education that our America’s children receive

lead to their future lives. It is their basis of knowledge and it influences the way that each child

portrays himself or herself. I had never realized that the obsession of titles was an issue to my

school until this valedictorian controversy happened. It is crucial to understand that our

American Educational System is not only lacking simply because of tangible things such as

teachers, facilities, and technology as Klein assumes. We are facing a much bigger problem

which relates to how the teachers and administrators are influencing our childrentheir students to

believe that labels hold such importance. Kelly did not show up to the ceremony to receive her

title of co-valedictorian on graduation day., Pperhaps it was because because she felt alone

Comment [C3]: I felt that I left the sentence before this on a cliff. I tried to make my information more specific and less vague. I want my reader to have complete understanding. I added this sentence as proof that all A’s don’t always lead to good people. 

Dodelin

22 

unlike Sydney who had an entire community behind supporting her. Regardless, both Sydney

and Kelly were accepted to their colleges of choice, and would have been without the title of

valedictorian. There can be a positive change in the future of education if we can lose the

obsession of titles, because they simply do not have any beneficial meaning attached to them.

Teachers should begin to influence children to understand the truth that hard work and effort lead

to good grades and not necessarily good people. The obsession of titles is such an obvious factor

of failure of American education but it is not usually pointed out. All of this makes me wonder

wWhat other factors are destroying the American education as we know it?

Comment [C4]: I felt that supporting was a better word to describe the communities force behind Sydney. By leaving the word “behind” here, it could have simply explained the communities placement in the room.  

Comment [C5]: This last sentence sounded like a random question placed at the end. I did not want it to sound so out of place so I added a phrase that would make it seem that I was still considering the effects of American education. 

Dodelin

23 

Works Cited

Klein, Joel. “The Failure of American Schools.” The Atlantic Magazine. The Atlantic

Monthly Group, June 2011. Web. 3 Nov. 2011.

 

Dodelin 24

24

Most Successful Essay

A Title: A Small Word with a Huge Meaning

In his article “The Failure of American Schools,” Joel Klein explains the reasons why our

nation’s educational system is slacking. He states, “but we still won’t get to where we need to go

unless we’re prepared to do three difficult, but essential, things: rebuild our entire K–12 system

on a platform of accountability; attract more top-flight recruits into teaching; and use technology

very differently to improve instruction.” I agree with Klein’s basic idea of improvement, but I

feel that there is another aspect in which American schools are failing. It is mandatory for all

American children to attend school for about thirteen years of their life, more or less. The most

important purpose of American schools is to educate and prepare our nation’s upcoming adults.

Not only are the children learning academics, but also influential lessons that will be useful in

their future. It is important to understand that not only new K-12 systems, better teachers, and

technology lead to better schools, but also the lessons that are taught by their teachers. These

lessons hold a large amount of significance to the children’s lives. Teachers influence students

into believing that hard work and effort can lead to a successful student and an achieved title.

They say that if you work hard and achieve the highest grade point average possible, you will be

awarded with a title of valedictorian. Is this status a necessary part of education? Should it be?

Or should American schools rebuild the social importance of titles along with their new K-12

system?

This article reminded me of the controversy of valedictorian I observed during my senior

year at Etowah High School. Sydney and I had attended school together in Cherokee County for

twelve years; our senior year was our thirteenth. She had always been known by our class as the

overachiever. Her mother was a scientist of some sort and Sydney received the intelligent gene

Dodelin 25

25

from her mother. Since our parents were close friends, Sydney and I would spend a great deal of

time together. I can remember in fourth grade, she would never make a grade below an A. Not

only was she extremely smart, but she was a hard worker. In high school she took as many

Advanced Placement classes as possible while also being on the cross country team. When

senior year approached, everyone in our grade expected that she would receive the title of

valedictorian. When the counselors announced that she was not, there was an outbreak. Kelly,

another student, had actually won this honor, but no one had ever heard her name or seen her

face before. This surprise led to a huge controversy in the school and community because of the

importance of a title. After a long, vigorous fight a resolution to the valedictorian problem was

established, but after it all I wondered if the battle for the title of valedictorian was truly worth

the outcome. I realized that American education made a mistake by persuading students into

believing that titles hold extreme importance.

Most of the students that began their education in Cherokee County continued their

education in the same schools until they graduated. This made all of the students in a particular

grade closely related. We were so stunned to learn that Kelly was going to receive the title of

valedictorian because no one knew her, yet she was in our class. Although Kelly was still

enrolled as a student at Etowah High School, she was jetting to a college. Jetting allows a student

to still be enrolled in a public school system while they attend a college near the high school. She

was taking college level classes at The University of West Georgia and had been since she was a

freshman. The grades she received in the classes were converted into Advanced Placement

grades. Because Kelly made all A’s in her college level classes, they were converted to 110

percent grades at Etowah High School. The regulations for these classes at The University of

West Georgia allowed Kelly’s grades to convert into the highest grade possible for Etowah’s

Dodelin 26

26

standards. She had received the highest grade point average of our senior class, and was given

the label of class valedictorian. Sydney and the rest of the senior class felt that this was an unfair

award to Kelly and began to fight for what we thought was Sydney’s deserved right to be the

valedictorian.

The title of valedictorian was so important to our school that our community

began to struggle with the situation. This made me quickly understand how status plays a role in

an upper middle class society in which I lived. The controversy was soon known by every parent,

student, teacher, and other citizen in the county. Everyone supported Sydney because she was an

active participant in our community. Not only was the title important to Sydney, but to everyone

else in the community. Multiple debates were held by the school system during March of our

senior year, only a few months before we graduated. Parents and students would come out to

protest and try to prove why they thought Sydney should be labeled valedictorian. Students of

the senior class began to make t-shirts to show their opinion on the problem. At one of the

meetings held by the Cherokee County School System, they proposed an idea that they hoped

everyone could accept. They offered one title of co-valedictorians for both students. This way,

both students could share the honor of having the highest grade point average. Kelly, Sydney,

and the community accepted this idea of two valedictorians sharing the title. After all of the

months of fighting and rage, there was finally a resolution. This is when I took a step back and

asked myself, was all the time and strenuous work worthwhile? The controversy was a sign for

me to realize how American schools have been skewing our idea of success.

Since the first moment I stepped in a classroom, teachers have always suggested that

great grades make you a great person. They influenced me into believing that making all A’s will

lead to a successful life. This is not necessarily true. For example, there are great people in this

Dodelin 27

27

world that do not have any sort of education. Another failure of American schools is the extreme

value they attach to titles. In the long run, the title of valedictorian had nothing to do with

Sydney or Kelly’s achievements. The reason that they both received the title was because of the

efforts that the community put into the situation. Even if Sydney had not received any title, it

would not have affected her hard work and dedication as a student. She still would have the same

grade point average and proof of her Advanced Placement classes. Titles have no purpose in any

school system because they simply restate the known. Everyone in our class knew that Sydney

had the highest grade point average, even before we were concerned with the title. The title did

not make her look better on her college applications or in any other aspect. The community as a

whole was fighting for label that had no significance because American schools place so much

value on the title of valedictorian. If American schools wish to redirect their education, they

should not simply attempt to change the obvious factors, but they should consider changing their

obsession with titles because status should not be a part of education.

It is important to realize this because the education that America’s children receive lead

to their future lives. It is their basis of knowledge and it influences the way that each child

portrays himself or herself. I had never realized that the obsession of titles was an issue to my

school until this valedictorian controversy happened. It is crucial to understand that our

American Educational System is not lacking simply because of tangible things such as teachers,

facilities, and technology as Klein assumes. We are facing a much bigger problem which relates

to how the teachers and administrators are influencing their students to believe that labels hold

such importance. Kelly did not show up to the ceremony to receive her title of co-valedictorian

on graduation day. Perhaps it was because because she felt alone unlike Sydney who had an

entire community supporting her. Regardless, both Sydney and Kelly were accepted to their

Dodelin 28

28

colleges of choice, and would have been without the title of valedictorian. There can be a

positive change in the future of education if we can lose the obsession of titles, because they

simply do not have any beneficial meaning attached to them. Teachers should begin to influence

children to understand the truth that hard work and effort lead to good grades and not necessarily

good people. The obsession of titles is such an obvious factor of failure of American education

but it is not usually pointed out. All of this makes me wonder what other factors are destroying

the American education as we know it?

Dodelin 29

29

Works Cited

Klein, Joel. “The Failure of American Schools.” The Atlantic Magazine. The Atlantic

Monthly Group, June 2011. Web. 3 Nov. 2011.