eng102bc wordysentences appropriatelanguage exactwords

7/29/2019 ENG102BC WordySentences AppropriateLanguage ExactWords

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Hacker Chapter 16 Wordy Sentences

Hacker Chapter 17 Appropriate Language

Hacker Chapter 18 Exact Words

The writer who breeds more wordsthan he needs, is making a chore for the

reader who reads. -Dr. Seuss


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Watch the video clip

How are the rules for wordy sentences,

appropriate language, and exact words broken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo


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Eliminate redundancies

Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitationcenter working as a registered physical therapist.

Daniel works at a private rehabilitation center as a

registered physical therapist.Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her name, address, andphone number on a greasy napkin.

Sylvia scribbled her name, address, and phone number

on a greasy napkin.


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Avoid unnecessary repetition of words

Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient.

Our fifth patient, in room six, is mentally ill.

The best teachers help each student become a better

student both academically and emotionally.The best teachers help each student grow both

academically and emotionally.


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Cut empty or inflated phrases

Along the lines of like

As a matter of fact in fact, actually

At all times alwaysAt the present time now, currently

At this point in time now, currently

Because of the fact that because

Due to the fact that because

In spite of the fact that although, though

In order to to


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Simplify the structure especially by avoiding be

verbs and there is, are, was, were

Investigators were involved in studying the effect ofclassical music on unborn babies.

Investigators studied the effect of classical music onunborn babies.

All too often, athletes with marginal academic skillshave been recruited by our coaches.

All too often, our coaches have recruited athletes withmarginal academic skills.


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Reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to single

words

We took a side trip to Monticello, which was the homeof Thomas Jefferson.

We took a side trip to Monticello, the home of ThomasJefferson.


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Stay away from jargon

We outsourced the work to an outfit in Ohio becausewe didnt have the bandwidth to tackle it in-house.

We hired a company in Ohio because we had too few

employees to do the work.The CEO should dialogue with investors aboutpartnering with clients to purchase land ineconomically deprived zones.

The CEO should talk with investors about workingwith clients to buy land in poor neighborhoods.


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Avoid pretentious language

Taylors employment of multihued means ofexpression draws back the curtains and lets slip thenostalgic vantage point from which she observesAmerican society as well as her lack ofcomprehension of economic realities.

Taylors use of colorful language reveals that she has anostalgic view of American society and does notunderstand economic realities.


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Avoid most euphemisms

Nice-sounding words or phrases substituted for wordsthought to sound harsh or ugly

Avoid doublespeak Deliberately evasive or deceptive language

Adult entertainment pornographyPre-owned automobile used car

Economically deprived poorNegative savings debts

Strategic withdrawal retreat, defeat

Revenue enhancers taxesChemical dependence drug addiction

Downsize, furlough lay off, fire

Correctional facility prison


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Avoid sexist language

Rather than use too many he/she his/her, use plural

Best to rewrite sentence to avoid problem completely

A journalist is motivated by his deadline.A journalist is motivated by his or her deadline.

Journalists are motivated by their deadlines.

A journalist is motivated by a deadline.


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Revise language that may offend groups of people

Many Oriental immigrants have recently settled inour town.

Many Asian immigrants have recently settled in our

town.


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1. We learned that the mayor had been engaging in a

creative transfer of city employees pension funds.engaging in a creative transfer

Embezzling money


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2. After a cursory examination of brand-new researchfindings on textiles, Patricia and the members of herteam made the decision to engage in a series of visitsto fashion manufacturers in the local vicinity.

Cursory examinationQuick look

Brand-new research findingsNew researchPatricia and the members of her teamPatricia and her teamMade the decision to engage in a series of visitsDecided to visitFashion manufacturers in the local vicinityLocal clothing manufacturers


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2. After a cursory examination of brand-new

research findings on textiles, Patricia and themembers of her team made the decision toengage in a series of visits to fashionmanufacturers in the local vicinity.

After a quick look at new research on textiles,Patricias team decided to visit local clothingmanufacturers.


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3. In the governors race, Lena Weiss, a defense

lawyer and mother of two, easily defeated HarveyTower, an architect.

In the governors race, Lena Weiss, a defense lawyer,easily defeated Harvey Tower, an architect.

4. Recent military history has shown that ladycombat helicopter pilots are as skilled, reliable,and resourceful as men.

Recent military history has shown that women andmen are equally skilled, reliable, and resourcefulas combat helicopter pilots.


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Select words with appropriate connotations

When American soldiers returned home after WorldWar II, many women abandoned their jobs in favorof marriage.

When American soldiers returned home after WorldWar II, many women left their jobs in favor ofmarriage.


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Prefer specific concrete nouns

Thing, area, aspect, factor, individual, etc.

The senator spoke about the challenges of the future:the environment and world peace.

The senator spoke about the challenges of the future:pollution, dwindling resources, and terrorism.


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Do not misuse words

These days the training required for a ballet dancer isall-absorbent.

These days the training required for a ballet dancer isall-absorbing.


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Use Standard Idioms

Speech forms that follow no easily specified rules


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Abide with abide by

According with according toAgree to (an idea) agree with (an idea)

Angry at ( a person) angry with (a person)

Capable to capable of

Different than different fromIntend on doing intend to do

Off of off

Plan on doing plan to do

Superior than superior toSure and sure to

Try and try to

Type of a type of


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Do not rely heavily on clichs

Use figures of speech with care

Similes & metaphors


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Cool as a

Beat aroundBlind as aBusy as aCrystalDead as a

Out of the frying pan anLight as aLike a bullPlaying with

Nutty as aStarting out at the bottom of theWater under theWhite as a

Avoid clichs like the


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How are the rules for wordy sentences,appropriate language, and exact words broken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo

Give handout
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo


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Intentionally break all the rules for wordy sentences,appropriate language, and finding exact words byrewriting the lyrics to a song.


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Summary final copy due

Read Chapter 2 Critiques

Answer these questions1. What is a critique?

2. How do you write a critique?

3. What is an authors purpose? How is itevaluated?

eng102bc wordysentences appropriatelanguage exactwords

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