emotional competency - need

7/27/2019 Emotional Competency - Need

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1/4www.emotionalcompetency.com/need.htm

NeedThe minimum requirements of life and health

We all share simple requirements for sustaining life and health. Too often needs get confused

with wants, wishes, desires, substitutes, or deficits. Human needs are quite simple, but not often met.

Definitions

1. The minimal requirements of health and well-being.

2. A physiological or psychological condition that must be satisfied to remain healthy.3. Innate psychological nutriments that are essential for ongoing psychological growth, integrity, and

well-being.

4. Something that, when fulfilled, promotes integration and well-being and, when thwarted, fosters

fragmentation and ill-being.

Human Needs

Human needs can be classified as eitherphysiological needsthose required to sustain and grow a healthy

bodyor aspsychological needsthose required to sustain and grow a healthy mind.

An abundance of one asset cannot relieve a shortage of another. An abundance of water cannot substitute

for a shortage of food. An excess of relatedness cannot compensate for a shortage ofautonomy.

People relentlessly seek to fulfill their needs. Thirsty people focus their attention and energy on getting

water. If you are thwarted while working to fill your needs, you will react very strongly, often with anger.

Unfortunately because many people are unaware of their true psychological needs, too often they

vigorously pursue ineffective substitutes.

One definition ofviolence is: denying the needs of another. Needs are not negotiable; attempting to deny,

block, diminish, or remove them is an illegitimate act of violence.

Physiological Needs:

Airoxygen within a particular range of pressure, concentration, and purity is vital to survival. Lack of

oxygen kills within minutes.Wateraccess to adequate safe drinking water , approximately 50 liters per person per day, is a

human need. Lack of water kills within days.

FoodAdequate calories, meeting certain minimum nutritional requirements are required to sustain

life. Lack of food kills within days or weeks.

Shelterprotection from extremes of heat, cold, intense

sun, prolonged precipitation, or other exposure that can

lead to hypothermia or hyperthermia. Protective clothing

may fill this need in certain environments.

Sanitationisolation or protection from toxins and

pathogensthis includes removal of human wastes, basic

cleansing, and protections from harmful infectious agentssuch as parasites, bacteria, and viruses.

Sleepadequate sleep of sufficient depth. Research is

incomplete or disputed, but approximately 8 hours of

uninterrupted sleep each night seems most effective.

TouchActive touch, perhaps as a caring caress, is essential to the growth and healthy development

Emotional Competency

Explore the Logic of Passion

Home Importance Recognizing Concepts Search Blog Resources References
http://www.addthis.com/bookmark.phphttp://www.who.int/nutrition/en/http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/references.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/resources.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/blog.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/searchsite.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/concepts.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/recognizing.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/need4.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_deprivationhttp://www.who.int/nutrition/en/http://www.iucn.org/about/work/programmes/water/resources/wp_resources_thematic/?1156/Water-as-a-human-right-http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/violence.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/anger.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/motivation.htm#autonomyhttp://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php


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.

Psychological Needs:

AutonomyBeing free to pursue goals you choose. Having a sense of choice, flexibility, and personal

freedom. Self-governance. Autonomy is the converse of being controlled, however it is not the same

as independence, selfishness, or irresponsibility. Autonomy is the feeling deep inside that your actions

are your own choice; you are neither complying with nor defying controls. It requires integration of

your choices and overcoming ambivalence.

CompetenceThe ability to succeed at an optimal challenge. It is the ability to do something well or

to meet a required standard.RelatednessFeeling connected with others. Having people to care about, and people who care

about you. The need to feel belongingness and connectedness with others. It may take the form of

friendship and love, dialogue and sharing, group participation, community involvement, and a variety of

prosocial activities.

There are no other needs. All other candidates are discretionary wants or they represent some surrogate

for an actual need, such as deficit motives or needs substitutes.

You can change what you want, but you cannot change what you need. Work to understand your needs

and align your wants and goals with those needs.

Each of these three psychological needs is further discussed under the topic ofmotivation.

But what about . . .

Many people claim to need many things not listed here as needs. Also, the well regarded hierarchy of needs

theory ofAbraham Maslow lists needs not described here. These candidates can be understood in terms

of true needs as follows.

Safety is the assured fulfillment of basic needs. It is the constant intent to satisfy these needs. It

summarizes and emphasizes the importance of the needs. It is the need to meet the needs. It is a result of

a needs deficit.

Meaningfulness is a sense of coherence, integrity, and significance. It is the result of acting with autonomy,

attending to relatedness needs, exercising your competence, and integrating the results. It is the result ofmeeting the needs.

Self-esteem, feeling good about yourself, has two manifestations known as secure (or true) high self-

esteem and fragile (or contingent) high-self esteem. Secure self-esteem is based on positive feelings of

self-worth that are well anchored, authentic, and do not rely on self-promotion. In contrast, fragile self-

esteem relies on specific outcomes that are easily threatened. As a result, people with fragile self-esteem

are continually seeking external reassurances of their worth. Fragile high self-esteem results from a lack of

autonomy, relatedness, or competence. It is caused by a deficit of true needs. Secure high self-esteem

results from the integration of autonomy, relatedness, and competence. It results from having needs met.

Human Rights are the basic rights and freedoms to which all humans are entitled. They areprerequisites

to attaining the human needs discussed here. Human rights create the space that allows these needs to be

met. For example, The rights to life, liberty, and security are basic rights that allow a person to live and seek

autonomy. Prohibiting slavery allows for autonomy. Access to education promotes competency. Protecting

families promotes relatedness.

A Buddhist Perspective

Wanting is the beliefwe can benefit by acquiring more. Buddhists believe

that wantingdesiring or longing for somethingis a form of suffering

that results from attachmentbinding yourselfto something. They also

believe that because things are impermanent, attachment to them is

futile. Understanding impermanencethe transitory nature of things

allows us to avoid attachment and reduce our wanting along with the

suffering it causes. There can be more to life than wanting more.

The Sand Mandala is a fascinating Tibetan Buddhist tradition that

dramatically demonstrates the transitory natureimpermanenceof
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sand_mandalahttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/self.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/belief.htmhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_rightshttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/self.htm#appraisalshttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/pride.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/goals.htmhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslowhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needshttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/motivation.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/goals.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/change.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/community.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/dialogue.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/love.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/motivation.htm#relatednesshttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/motivation.htm#competencyhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/change.htm#Ambivalencehttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/motivation.htm#autonomy


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ngs. evera g y s e an pa en mon s spen ays o pa ns a ng

effort to create the beautiful and intricate sand design. Then in a

ceremony the entire object is destroyed and poured into a river or lake to celebrate its impermanence.

Enough

A long and difficult high-stakes winning streak got us here. Each of our ancestors won the battle for survival

and procreation in a brutally difficult, primitive, and hostile world of kill or be killed. Our egos have evolved

over millions of years of getting what we need to survive and reproduce. It was win or die for millions of

years. Our ancestors won and their rivals lost and often died. We evolved by prevailing over danger and

scarcity for millions of years. No wonder our egos developed to protect ourselves so effectively against so

many threats. But many of us now live in abundance. We need to tame our insatiable egos so we can live

together harmoniously in an abundant and compassionate world. We need to manage the transformation

from more to enough. We need to recognize when we have enough, become satisfied, and enjoy the

gratification we can all have.

We have enough when we allhave allour needs met. We have the abundance to achieve this if no one

takes too much before everyone gets enough.

More has brought us: Subprime mortgages, foreclosures, Enron and other accounting scandals , wars,

hydrogen bombs and other nuclear weapons, the Holocaust and other acts ofgenocide , slavery, traffic

jams, urban sprawl, the bridge to nowhere , cheating, Vioxx and other dangerous prescription drugs,

Twinkies, obesity, stress, anxiety, pollution, paparazzi, deforestation, strip mining, overfishing, drought,

failed states, global warming, and other waste, violence, destruction, and misery. We have become

consumed.

Enough can bring us: peace of mind, integrity, tranquility, clean air, clean water, the beauty of nature, a

healthy environment to enjoy now and sustain for the future, awe, family, friendships, community, safety,

stability, trust, leisure time, joyful play, meaningful work, authentic experiences, reciprocity, respect, good

health, reduced stress, ongoing education, deeper understanding and appreciation, fun, enjoyment of the

arts, transcendence, and making significant contributions that help others. We can enjoy what is already

available to us.

Question: How much money is enough to make me happy? Answer: How much does peace of mind cost?

Quotations

There are paths of progress other than growth. There can be more to life than more. ~ Leland R.

Beaumont

Take what you need and leave the rest.

Think globally, act locally.

Citizens are grown-ups. Consumers are kids. ~ Benjamin R. Barber.

When your cup is full, stop pouring. ~ Lao Tzu

A rich person is not the one who has the most, but who needs the least.

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though

everything is a miracle. ~ Albert EinsteinLive simply so others can simply live. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Learn to distinguish what matters from what glitters. ~ Tim Jackson

References

Why We Do What We Do: Understanding Self-Motivation, by Edward L. Deci, Richard Flaste

Self-Determination Theory Website , especially: Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The what and why of

goal pursuits : Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11, 227-268.

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). The darker and brighter sides of human existence : Basic psychological

needs as a unifying concept. Psychological Inquiry, 11, 319-338.

Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers, by Robert Sapolsky

Plan B 3.0, Mobilizing to Save Civilization, by Lester R. Brown.

Consumed: How Markets Corrupt Children, Infantilize Adults, and Swallow Citizens Whole, by Benjamin R.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393049612?ie=UTF8&tag=flushotfiasco-20&link_code=as3&camp=211189&creative=373489&creativeASIN=0393049612http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393330877?ie=UTF8&tag=flushotfiasco-20&link_code=as3&camp=211189&creative=373489&creativeASIN=0393330877http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0805073698?ie=UTF8&tag=flushotfiasco-20&link_code=as3&camp=211189&creative=373489&creativeASIN=0805073698http://www.psych.rochester.edu/SDT/documents/2000_RyanDeci_DarkBrightResponse.pdfhttp://www.psych.rochester.edu/SDT/documents/2000_DeciRyan_PIWhatWhy.pdfhttp://www.psych.rochester.edu/SDT/http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0140255265?ie=UTF8&tag=flushotfiasco-20&link_code=as3&camp=211189&creative=373489&creativeASIN=0140255265http://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/What_Mattershttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lao_Tzuhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/tyranny.htm#pathshttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/joy.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/respect.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/reciprocity.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/authenticself.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/play.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/trust.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/community.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/anxiety.htmhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/stress.htmhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravina_Island_Bridgehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genocides_in_historyhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accounting_scandalshttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enron_scandalhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/self.htm#Detachinghttp://emotionalcompetency.blogspot.com/2009/10/coping-with-abundance.htmlhttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/self.htm


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Flow (aka- Flow: For Love of Water), DVD by Maude Barlow

Prosperity without Growth: Economics for a Finite Planet, by Tim Jackson

Craftsmen of necessity, by Christopher Williams

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