eliminate negative self talk instantly · using these generalisations is not only negative in the...

Eliminate Negative Self Talk Instantly

Eliminate Negative Self Talk Instantly © J. Heering 2008 www.CureYourPhobiaInstantly.com V 1.3





Eliminate Negative Self Talk Instantly E-manual version 1.3 September 2008

Published by Morpheus Institute www.phobia-fear-release.com www.CureYourPhobiaInstantly.com

http://www.phobia-fear-release.com/

http://www.cureyourphobiainstantly.com/


Eliminate Negative Self Talk Instantly © J. Heering 2008 www.CureYourPhobiaInstantly.com v 1.3

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TABLE OF CONTENTS Page

Disclaimer & Copyright. 3 Introduction 3

How Often Do You Put Yourself Down?. 5

What That Means in Terms of Negativity 5

Just Listen to Yourself!. 6

It’s Not What You Say. 6

Never Say Never. 7

Help Took a Wrong Turn. 8

Breaking State. 9

Ready to Get Started?. 9

Exercise #1 That’s All Folks!...... 10

Exercise #2 The Trash Can 10

Exercise #3 Melt Negative Thoughts Away 11

Exercise #4 The Compassionate Bubble. 12

Exercise #5 A Change For the Better 13

Exercise #6 Muffled in a Bubble 14

Exercise # 7 Rewind and delete 15

Exercise #8 Reach For the Stars 15

Exercise # 9 Twister.. 16

Exercise #10 Change Your Mind 16 Exercise #11 Paint a New Picture 17 Exercise #12 If All Else Fails…(you have been warned!). 18

All About NLP… 19



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Disclaimer - Important Notice – Please Read Carefully This publication is intended to provide accurate and authoritative information on the subject matter covered. Any use of the information in this book is at the reader’s discretion. The treatment procedures in this Self Help manual are not intended to replace medical or psychiatric treatment. The author and publisher specifically disclaim any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of application of any information contained in this book. If professional medical or psychological advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Copyright Copyright © Jan Heering 2008 All rights reserved in all media, including future media. No part of this report may be reproduced or transmitted in any form whatsoever, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any informational storage or retrieval system without express written, dated and signed permission from the author.



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Introduction

“Well, we all know that self-esteem comes from what you think of you,

not what other people think of you.” Gloria Gaynor

How true! Gloria Gaynor’s famous disco anthem to self esteem “I Will Survive” touched a nerve with millions of people who bought the song and is still hugely popular today. Low self-esteem doesn’t just sell music. One of the cleverest advertising slogans is L’Oréal’s “You’re Worth It!” L’Oréal know their market and understand that many women (and man) psychologically beat themselves up on a continual basis. The women may believe that it’s too difficult or time consuming to fix that negativity – but it only takes a moment to buy the L’Oréal product and feel OK during that purchase. Self-help bookshelves groan with the weight of books aimed at improving your self-worth, changing how others see you and how you see yourself. How difficult can it be? The answer is – very difficult unless you are prepared to do something to change the way you see yourself. As you are reading this, you have taken the first step to changing your self-perception and therefore, the way others see you. Imagine that you have a friend. A good, close friend. And yet every time she sees you, she makes a negative comment. “You look fat in those jeans.” “Your hair is such a mess.” “You really need to do something with your skin.” “You’ll never get that job.” “When are you going to start that diet…?” How long would she be your friend for? I’m guessing that pretty soon you would start avoiding her and then drop her altogether. And yet, this is exactly the sort of internal dialogue that millions of women (and men!) subject themselves to on a daily – sometimes even hourly – basis! If you saw a Mother talking to her small child like that, you would be appalled. What chance will that child have of feeling good, secure, confident and happy? And what chance will you have – if you keep talking to yourself like that?



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How Often Do You Put Yourself Down? You may be thinking “It’s not such a big deal. I may be a little critical of myself in the mirror first thing in the morning…how bad can that be?” Let’s take a look at the reality of how often negative thinking occurs. A few years ago, a study was published by the National Science Foundation, quantifying brain activity. Their research showed that

• The average person has around 1,000 thoughts every hour.

• When we are writing, 25,000 thoughts go through our minds in an hour and a half.

• The average person thinks about 12,000 thought each day.

• A deeper thinker may go through as many as 50,000 thoughts each day.

No wonder we’re tired at the end of the day! What That Means in Terms of Negativity

• The average person is awake from 16 to 18 hours every day. • This gives us (on average) a thought every 1.1 seconds.

So, if we are positive for even half of that time, that still leaves between 6,000 and a staggering 25,000 negative thoughts every day. That’s a shocking statistic. But just imagine, if you could change the negatives into positives – how much could you improve your self-esteem, confidence, productivity and general happiness. It’s got to be worth a try! Just Listen to Yourself! You may think that those figures don’t apply to you and that you’re not as negative as that. If you still need convincing, it is a useful exercise to quantify just how often you are negative. Keep a pad and pen within easy reach and every time you catch yourself thinking a negative, critical or sarcastic thought about yourself, write it



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down – or just put a mark on the page. By the end of the day, we guarantee that you will be surprised at how many times this has happened. It’s Not What You Say… …it’s how you say it! While you are ‘logging’ the number of times that you put yourself down it’s worth noting how you do it. What words do you use – are they out loud or in your mind? Is your negative voice mocking, cruel, sarcastic, dismissive, judgemental or all of those? It is very common to use questions. Bizarrely, asking questions prompts negative replies. Here are a few examples – do you recognise any of them? Q: Why didn’t I go on a diet when I knew I had this party coming up? A: Because you’re lazy and deserve to be fat. Q: Why didn’t I go for that promotion? A: Because you know you’d never have got it. Why bother? Q: Why didn’t I get up earlier? I’m going to be late for work…again. A: Because you’re lazy and stupid. You’re going to get fired.

Q: I forgot to call my Mother – again. She’s going to be so mad at me. A: You’re selfish and thoughtless – you deserve a telling-off. Whoa – enough! Do you see how destructive this dialogue is? It is just relentless, judgemental and upsetting. This behavior is referred to by Cognitive therapists as ‘negative self-talk’ or ‘Automatic Negative Thoughts’ or ANTs. Let’s look at some different responses to those questions. Q: Why didn’t I go on a diet when I knew I had this party coming up? A: I’m not putting myself through this any more. It obviously bothers me that I’m overweight so I’m going to eat less and exercise more – starting now! Q: Why didn’t I go for that promotion? A: I will make sure I go for the next promotion. I’m as good as everyone else! Q: Why didn’t I get up earlier? I’m going to be late for work…again. A: I’ll make an effort to be up earlier so that I can enjoy a shower and breakfast before I go to work. That will be great!

Q: I forgot to call my Mother – again. She’s going to be so mad at me.



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A: I will call my Mother right now and explain how busy we’ve been at work. Then I’ll set personal reminders to call her regularly. Do you see what a difference those responses make? They are much more positive and put you in control. Never Say Never Another common negative is the use of sweeping generalisation. How often do you say or think the following –

• I’m never going to get the hang of this!

• Diets never work for me.

• I’m never going to get that job.

• I always get things wrong.

Using these generalisations is not only negative in the extreme – it’s self limiting. Those kinds of statements automatically close the door on any possibility of there being a positive outcome. If you genuinely believe what you are saying or thinking, then you are telling yourself that there is no point in even trying to change as you will never succeed. So you are not only putting yourself down – but giving yourself permission to not even try. Let’s take another look at those statements – and you need to be honest with yourself here. I’m never going to get the hang of this! Yes, you will - if you persevere and realise that no-one ever gets anything first time round. Was Eric Clapton born holding a guitar? It took him time and practice and with both of those, you will get the hang of it. Diets never work for me. Which diets have you tried? If they are ‘faddy’ ones like half a boiled egg and a piece of lettuce a day then no, they won’t work. The truth is that there is no quick fix and the only way to lose weight is to eat less and



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exercise more. And while we’re on the subject, did you always stick to those diets faithfully? Be honest! I’m never going to get that job. Why not? Does it require qualifications that you don’t have? Then you either need to consider getting those qualifications or go for a job that you are qualified for. If you have the right qualifications and experience then you have just as much chance as all the other interviewees – but if you believe that you can’t do it, then your attitude will show and the interviewer will also believe that you can’t do it. I always get things wrong. That is obviously not true. Sometimes you get things wrong, just like everybody else but if you don’t make mistakes, you never learn. So think how much you are learning by those few mistakes. The biggest mistake is not to learn. You are here, learning how to improve your life – so you got that right! Help Took a Wrong Turn… The ironic aspect of negativity is that in a strange way, you are trying to help yourself. Sadly, you are going about it the wrong way. Your mind perceives areas in your life which could be changed for the better but it comes over as a pure criticism instead of constructive criticism. This is where it is very helpful to look closely at what your thoughts are. Again, you need to be completely honest with yourself while you do so. For example, are you constantly nagging yourself about your weight because you really could do with losing a few pounds – or are you actually quite happy with your weight and the thoughts are just sheer habit? Take some time to analyse this properly. You can either choose to act on what your thoughts are telling you – or recognise that they are just repetitive and habitual. The best news of all is that you win either way!



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• If you choose to act on what your subconscious is telling you, then you will be improving yourself or your life in some way.

• If you are sick of listening to a stuck record that has no relevance for you, it is relatively easy to silence that voice…as you will see.

Breaking State In some of the exercises, you will be asked to ‘break state’. Do you ever daydream? Most people do. Sometimes, something or someone will suddenly ‘bring you back to normal’. That is breaking state. In the exercises, you will need to break state yourself by making a physical movement or mentally distracting yourself out of the previous state that you were in. Ready to Get Started? By now, you should be feeling more in control already. You have acknowledged that your inner voice is often less than helpful and are now going to do something about it. Isn’t it exciting?

Jan Heering Master Coach Founder and CEO of Morpheus Institute



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Exercise #1 That’s All Folks! 1. Think of the annoying, nagging voice that you hear in your mind. 2. Can you pin it down? Is it loud, quiet, sarcastic or mocking? 3. Imagine that it has left your mind and is now sitting on your little finger or your little toe. 4. Now - hear the same irritating sentences from their new home but with the voice of the most annoying cartoon character you can think of! Think of any other cartoon characters that you find annoying and listen to it with their voice too. 5. The nagging voice won't have the same impact anymore! Exercise # 2 The Trash Can 1. Try and imagine all of your negative thoughts as pictures. If you only have negative feelings or negative sounds, imagine what they would look like. 2. Now imagine a garbage-can and throw those crappy thoughts into the can. Maybe you can hear the 'thud' as they enter the garbage can. 3. Close the lid shut tight when you've done. 4. You can feel good in the knowledge that the garbage-can disintegrates all the crap inside it. 5. Use this Trash can whenever you have a negative thought.



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Exercise # 3 Melt Negative Thoughts Away 1. Imagine that your worst negative thought is right in front of you. 2. Now, slowly turn that image into an oil painting. It can be a painting of anything you like – try and link the image in the painting to the negative thought. 3. Now imagine that you have a small blowtorch. Pass it over the painting until the paint heats up and starts to melt. Keep imagining this until you can see the paint melting and dripping of the canvas. 4. Keep blowtorching it and watch it melting and dripping until there is no paint left on the canvas. Keep going until you see the plain canvas as either black or white. 5

5. Now try and hear the voice again.



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Exercise # 4 The Compassionate Bubble 1. Choose a negative thought that really annoys you. It could be an internal thought or it could be the prospect of having to talk to someone who you find particularly difficult to deal with. 2. Try to remember back to a time when you felt especially compassionate. It could have been at the plight of people in the Third World on the News or maybe compassion for a sick friend. If you find this difficult, visualize a person well known for their compassion such as Mother Theresa or the Dali Lama. Step into your vision of that person and take note of what compassion feels like. When your sense of compassion is strong and steady, give it a colour. If you can, give it a sound too.

3. Now see that person or the negative internal voice right out in front of you as a picture or image. It needs to be apart from you so if you wish, move your hands to ‘push’ it away so that it is nowhere near you. 4. Visualize yourself into this picture or image.

5. Now imagine a bubble or sphere of mist surrounding the image in front of you. Watch as the bubble fills up with the mist. Now give that mist your ‘compassion colour’. 6. As you look at that you can hear the sound of compassion. Just sit there peacefully for a few moments.



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Exercise # 5 A Change For the Better 1. Try and locate where the negative feelings are in your body. 2. Push them out of your body so that they are external and in front of you. 3. Concentrate on the feeling and let it turn into a visual image. 4. Look at the image and ask it why it is there. 5. Take the first answer that you get and thank it the image for the information. 6. Now change the image in any way that feels right for you. This could be changing its’ colour, its’ position or size. You may like to make it smaller, or stretch it out very thin or turn it inside out or upside down. 7. Break state by moving your head to look around the room or remember what you are doing for the rest of the day, etc. 8. Now try and think of that negative feeling again. Notice how you feel. Is it harder to think of those feelings? Each time you repeat this exercise, it will become harder still!



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Exercise # 6 Muffled in a Bubble 1. Choose any troubling internal voice that bothers you. Try and notice where it comes from – where is it located? 2. Push it out of yourself and then push it even further away. Hear how the voice sounds further away. 3. Visualise placing that voice into a bubble. 4. Now imagine the voice saying the usual words but with different voices such as a sexy male or female voice, a squeaky ‘helium balloon’ voice or even a tiny gnome. 5. Now hear that voice speaking backwards very fast - like a tape rewinding. 6. Change the voice again. This time, choose a pleasing one such as your own voice sounding more confident than usual, or an actor or someone who you really look up to. 7. Now have the new voice say a completely new phrase. It can be anything you like but it must be positive and empowering. If you find this difficult, here are a couple of suggestions –

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”

Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C

“We are enslaved by anything we do not consciously see. We are freed by conscious perception.”

Vernon Howard

8. Now have this pleasing voice speaking its’ empowering statement from its’ original location. How does that feel?



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Exercise # 7 Rewind…and delete 1. Choose of one your most irritating internal negative voices. 2. Visualise it speaking into a tape recorder. 3. Play back the tape – very fast so that the voice is high pitched and squeaky and then very, very slow so that it drones. Which one sounds the most ridiculous to you? 4. Now put the ridiculous voice back into its’ original position and listen to it from there. Notice how it sounds now. Exercise # 8 Reach For the Stars 1. Think of the negative thoughts that upset you. Continue to think of them and while you do, look upwards. 2. Now, stand up and still looking upwards, reach right up to the stars with your hands... 3. Hold this pose for as long as you possibly can. Now listen to the negative voice. It may be harder to hear and you may even find yourself laughing!



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Exercise # 9 Twister. 1. Concentrate on your negative thoughts or feelings. 2. Now make them spin them into a vortex or whirlwind right in front of you. 3. This whirlwind sucks all of those negative thoughts and feelings into it and then gradually, as you watch, it completely disappears. 4. When it has completely gone, break state by remembering what you had for breakfast. 5. Visualise the hole left by the thoughts and feelings. Fill up that hole with something positive like a happy memory or a pleasing image. 6. Concentrate on every aspect of that new image – hear it, smell it, see it, touch it, taste it – make it as big, colourful and crystal clear as you can. Exercise # 10 Change Your Mind 1. Hear your negative voices. Get a good grasp on them. 2. Now imagine a Hypnotist’s couch and invite the voices to lie on that couch. 3. Make them comfortable and tell them to close their eyes. Now visualize hypnotizing them into a deep trance. 4. Tell them that from now on, they will change. They will use positive phrases and be helpful – not negative. 5. Now bring them back from the trance. Thank them and then put them back into their original place. Listen to them again. Does that sound better?



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Exercise # 11 Paint a New Picture 1. Think back to a previous behaviour that is no longer part of you. This could be smoking, bed wetting, teasing a sibling…anything you like.

2. Notice where that picture is kept within you. Take some time to really feel it – use all five senses, hearing, seeing, touching, tasting and smelling it until you know it well.

3. Now, totally white out the picture. Imagine it in a

blizzard becoming less and less visible or simply turn up the saturation of the colours so they bleach out and then become white. 4. Place this pure white image into your left hand. 5. Still holding the white image, remember times when you have heard the negative inner voice speaking to you. Where was it coming from and what did it say to you? 6. When you can hear it clearly, grab hold of as many negative phrases as you can with your right hand. 7. Now push those negative voices into the 'white out' image in your left hand. 8. Break state. Wipe your hands or shake them both. 9. Now imagine what you would really like a positive internal voice to say to you. Make it something very pleasing, spoken in a voice that is pleasing to you (think of someone you admire or who inspires you). 10. Once you can hear that pleasing, positive voice clearly, take it into your right hand. Now push that lovely new voice into your mind – push your right hand against your ear or head, whichever feels right for you.



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Exercise # 12 The Most Famous (or Infamous!) Inner Voice Silencer If All Else Fails…(you have been warned!) 1. If you want a really quick fix, every time you have a negative voice nagging you in your mind, repeat the following phrase loud and clear, 'SHUT THE FUCK UP!' 2. We’re not kidding......TRY IT!



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All About NLP What is NLP? NLP stands for Neuro-linguistic programming. It is a different approach to psychotherapy and is based on the use of subjective language and communication to bring about personal change. It was created in the 1970’s by Richard Bandler (a Philosopher and Psychologist) and John Grinder (a linguist). Their creation of NLP was modeled on the work of Fritz Perls (a Gestalt Therapist), Virginia Satir (a Family Systems Therapist) and Milton Erickson (a Clinical Hypnotist). Their aim was to find out which behaviours and communications were so successful that they set these three therapists apart. Main basis for NLP Many of the main ideas are used in separately in counseling and psychotherapy but NLP brings them all together in powerful exercises. The main NLP ideas are that –

• Negative issues, feelings, a person’s desires and the outcomes of these are reflected in our systems.

• These systems are often called sub modalities in NLP and are basically the five senses.

• Instead of listening to and simply responding to what someone has said, the aim of NLP is to also reply to the structure of that communication – both verbal and non-verbal. NLP studies the actual cues or triggers for that communication.

Depending on which model (type) of NLP is being used, the following may occur:

• Communication may be analysed to see what has been omitted or altered

• Beliefs can be re-set

• Specific areas of the senses can be targeted to alter a person’s views.



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• Or language may be used in a deliberately loose fashion to allow the

person to make the exercise fit their own personal situation and issue. That way, they can use their own strengths to find their best solution for the issue.

• Unlike other therapies, NLP considers the state that the person is in when they are attempting to set goals or choose a path of action.

We, at Morpheus Institute, hope that you have enjoyed doing these exercises and found them to be beneficial. All the best,

Jan Heering Master Coach Founder and CEO of Morpheus Institute www.phobia-fear-release.com www.CureYourPhobiaInstantly.com and www.LifeOfYourDreamsClub.com




http://www.lifeofyourdreamsclub.com/



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MORPHEUS Institute

Meerpaal 11 1186 ZM Amstelveen

Netherland www.phobia-fear-release.com

www.CureYourPhobiaInstantly.com

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