Effective  Match  Supervision  Notes  2/19/13  

 My  hope  is  to  help  you  and  your  mentoring  ministry  become  more  effective  in  your  match  supervision  process.    It  does  not  have  to  be  overwhelming.    There  are  processes  you  can  put  in  place  that  make  it  very  manageable.    Supervision  is  essential  to  keeping  your  mentors,  protégés,  and  families’  safe,  keeping  your  mentoring  matches  long-‐term,  growing  your  mentoring  ministry,  and  helping  transform  the  lives  of  the  youth  and  families  you  serve.    I  will  share  with  you  some  of  the  basics  of  supervision,  go  over  some  of  the  latest  research,  and  give  you  some  practical  information  and  resources  that  you  can  use.    This  is  the  overarching  thought  to  keep  in  mind  as  we  talk  about  Supervision:    The  key  to  effective  mentoring  is  that  the  mentor  and  protégé  develop  a  trusting  relationship.    It  is  through  a  trusting  relationship  that  transformation  and  change  occurs.    A  mentor  and  protégé  cannot  just  be  matched  and  left  to  their  own  devices.    Research  shows  that  it  is  not  safe  or  effective.    That  is  why  having  a  supervisor  is  so  imperative.    The  supervisor  is  the  one  that  helps  make  the  mentoring  match  work  and  keeps  the  mentoring  ministry  safe  and  effective.    Let  me  note  that  there  are  other  terms  that  you  can  interchange  with  supervision  such  as  coaching,  facilitating,  or  supporting  the  match.    

Learning  Objectives    

Participants  will  learn:  1. How  to  get  mentoring  matches  off  to  a  good  start.  2. How  to  help  matches  develop  a  strong  trusting  relationship.  3. How  the  supervisor  helps  the  parent  /  caregiver  support  the  match.  4. What  mentors  need  from  their  match  supervisors.  5. How  to  keep  mentors  long-‐term.  

 Definition:  

• Supervision  is  the  process  of  overseeing  the  development  of  a  healthy  relationship  between  a  mentor  and  protégé.  

 • This  process  involves  consistent  contact  with  the  mentor,  youth,  and  parent  from  the  time  that  the  

match  is  made  until  it  is  officially  ended.    

• The  coach  assists  the  mentor  in  developing  a  friendship  that  will  help  the  protégé  reach  his/her  God-‐given  potential.  

 Here  are  the  5  main  things  you  want  to  focus  on  as  a  Supervisor    

Five  Main  Objectives  of  Supervision  1. To  help  new  matches  establish  a  friendship  and  build  trust  2. To  help  monitor  the  match    3. To  provide  support,  encouragement  and  guidance  4. To  work  with  mentors  to  develop  strategies  that  will  help  protégés  reach  their  God-‐given  potential  5. To  bring  closure  to  matches  as  they  end    

 

What  the  Research  Says  “..one  of  the  strongest  conclusions  that  can  be  drawn  from  the  research  on  mentoring  is  the  importance  of  providing  mentors  with  support  in  their  efforts  to  build  trust  and  develop  a  positive  relationship  with  youth.    Volunteers  and  youth  cannot  be  simply  matched  and  left  to  their  own  devices;  programs  need  to  provide  an  infrastructure  that  fosters  the  development  of  effective  relationships  1.”    “More  specifically,  research  has  found  that:  

• Programs  in  which  professional  staff  provides  regular  support  to  mentors  are  more  likely  to  have  matches  that  meet  regularly  and  participants  who  are  satisfied  with  their  relationships.  

• Programs  in  which  mentors  are  not  contacted  regularly  by  staff  have  the  greatest  percentage  of  failed  matches  –  those  that  don’t  meet  consistently  and  thus  never  develop  into  relationships.  

• Mentors  (and  consequently,  their  protégé’s)  benefit  tremendously  from  the  support  they  receive  from  program  staff.    While  pre-‐match  orientation  and  training  can  prepare  mentors  for  some  of  the  possible  challenges  ahead,  ongoing  monitoring,  training,  and  related  activities  provide  the  practical  and  moral  support  that  mentors  need  to  keep  meeting  with  the  youth  and  get  through  the  rough  spots  2.”  

   Key  Facts    

• Mentors  who  fail  to  keep  their  commitment  to  their  protégé’s  cause  more  harm  than  good.  • Good  supervisors  help  build  longer  mentoring  relationships  –  longer  relationships  yield  more  

positive  outcomes  for  the  youth  and  the  mentor.      • The  common  denominator  for  at-‐risk  youth  making  it,  is  that  they  had  one  trusting  relationship  

with  an  adult  outside  their  family.    

How  to  get  Mentoring  Matches  Off  to  a  Good  Start  We  can  see  that  research  shows  that  the  key  to  mentoring  is  that  a  trusting  relationship  is  developed  between  the  mentor  and  protégé.    Building  a  trusting  relationship  is  also  the  key  for  supervision.      

1. Be  the  Model  for  the  Relationship-‐  You  model  to  the  mentor,  protégé,  and  parent  how  to  develop  a  trusting  relationship  –  (Initiate  contact,  Listen,  Understand,  and  Encourage)    • Primary:  with  the  Mentor  • Secondly:  with  the  Parent  • Thirdly:  with  the  Protégé  

2. Be  Proactive  –    • Contact  the  match  as  scheduled  • Help  the  match  with  scheduling  and  make  sure  they  are  meeting  • Try  to  foresee  problems  before  they  happen  • Deal  with  problems  promptly  

3. Be  Available  –    • Let  them  know  how  to  reach  you  

 How  to  Help  Matches  Develop  a  Strong  Trusting  Relationship  

 Jean  Rhodes,  in  her  book,  Stand  By  Me,  explores  the  very  heart  of  change  in  a  mentoring  relationship.    “She  has  concluded  that  mentors  can  influence  their  protégé’s  in  three  important  ways:  

a. By  enhancing  social  skills  and  emotional  well-‐being.  b. By  improving  cognitive  skills  through  dialogue  and  listening.  c. By  serving  as  a  role  model  and  advocate.  

She  says  that  it  is  important  to  note  that  none  of  these  beneficial  changes  can  occur  until  the  mentor  and  protégé  establish  an  emotional  bond  3.”    Research  goes  on  to  show,  “that  if  an  emotional  bond  is  not  developed  in  a  mentoring  relationship,  then  the  youth  and  mentor  may  disengage  from  the  match  before  the  mentoring  relationship  lasts  long  enough  to  have  a  positive  impact  on  the  youth  4.”    It  is  imperative  that  the  Supervisor  helps  the  match  get  off  to  a  good  start  of  developing  a  trusting  bond.    Trust  Chart  –  Here  is  a  general  model  of  how  three  different  types  of  youth  develop  trust.    Trust  is  built  as  the  mentor:    

• Meets  consistently  with  the  protégé    • Focuses  on  building  a  friendship  • Involves  the  youth  in  the  planning  of  activities  • Begins  to  understand  the  protégé’s  world  

 Here  are  some  of  the  key  things  you  can  do  as  a  supervisor  to  facilitate  trust  being  built:    Pre-‐match  

• Provide  pre-‐match  training  for  the  mentors  on  how  to  attune  to  the  child  and  their  needs.    How  to  enter  into  their  worldview  by  asking  questions,  listening,  empathizing,  and  not  being  judgmental.  

• Match  mentor  and  protégé  that  have  some  things  in  common,  similar  interests,  or  like  doing  some  similar  activities.    Research  by  Carla  Herrera  and  colleague’s  shows,  “similar  interests  emerged  as  one  of  the  most  important  factors  in  determining  the  closeness  and  supportiveness  of  the  match  (Rhodes,  85).  5”  

At  matchmaking  meeting  • Facilitate  the  matchmaking  meeting  and  go  over  all  of  the  program  rules  and  guidelines  with  the  

mentor,  parent,  and  protégé.  (Making  a  Match)  • Help  match  set  up  their  first  outing.    It  is  not  always  feasible,  but  if  you  can  have  the  match  set  a  

consistent  date  and  time  that  they  can  meet  weekly  that  can  really  be  helpful.  Post-‐match  

• Contact  the  mentor,  parent,  and  protégé  at  the  recommended  Contact  Schedule.      • Try  to  help  foresee  and  trouble  shoot  potential  issues  and  problems  that  you  might  see  hindering  

the  match  early  on.    • Encourage  the  mentor  to  focus  on  the  protégé  and  their  needs.      • Have  the  mentor  include  the  protégé  in  planning  what  they  will  do  on  outings.    Research  shows  

that  it  is  important  for  the  mentor  to  involve  the  youth  in  the  planning  of  the  outings.  • Encourage  the  match  to  start  off  doing  some  fun  &  interactive  activities.    This  helps  with  them  

getting  to  know  each  other.    (Activity  List)  • If  the  match  is  really  starting  off  slow  or  the  protégé  is  very  shy  you  can  meet  up  with  the  match  

for  an  outing  and  try  to  help  or  you  can  try  to  have  them  go  on  an  outing  with  another  match  that  has  a  child  a  similar  age.  

• Have  the  focus  of  the  match  be  more  about  the  social  interaction  than  strictly  being  task  or  goal  focused.    Studies  show  that  social  interaction  is  key  to  forming  a  close  mentoring  relationship.  

 How  the  Supervisor  Helps  the  Parent/Caregiver  Support  the  Match  

 Your  relationship  and  investment  in  the  parent  is  going  to  help  the  match  succeed  

1. Develop  a  trusting  relationship  over  time  a. Regular  contact  b. Show  genuine  care  and  concern  for  their  family  

c. Follow  through  on  commitments  2. Support  –  help  them  put  support  systems  in  place  

a. Emotional  –  Listen,  understand,  and  validate  them  –  Mothers  Match  b. Physical  –  Advocate  –  school/court,  Food,  Clothing  c. Spiritual  –  Pray,  Connect  with  church  

(Parent  Story)  What  Mentors  Need  from  Their  Match  Supervisors  

 Preliminary  guidance:  family  intake  information  

• Family  background  –  who  is  in  the  family,  stability,  jobs,  who  lives  in  the  home  • Special  issues  that  may  occur  –  learning  disabilities,  medical  allergies,  other  siblings  mentored  

 How  to  contact  the  supervisor    Supervisor  should  model  the  ministry  to  the  mentor  

• Initiating  contact  • Listening  • Understanding  • Patience  • Acceptance  • Encouragement  

 Ongoing  guidance:  work  on  these  the  first  couple  months  of  the  match  

• How  to  build  a  relationship  and  establish  trust  • How  to  handle  conflict  • What  happens  if  the  child  does  not  respond?  • What  happens  if  the  family  interferes?  

 Accountability:  Encouraging  them  to  remain  faithful  to  their  commitment     Support:  

• Spiritual  • Emotional  • Resource  

Evaluation  • Semi-‐annual  and  annual  evaluations  • Closure  

 How  to  Keep  Mentors  Long-‐term  

 Keeping  Mentors  Encouraged  

• Praying  for  them  regularly  and  with  them  when  you  can.  • Staying  in  regular  contact  with  them  and  giving  them  feedback  and  assurance.    It  is  helpful  to  

validate  them  by  letting  them  know  that  you  know  mentoring  is  challenging  and  it  requires  sacrifice  and  commitment.    (10  Signs  of  Success)    

• Letting  them  know  that  you  are  there  for  them  whenever  they  need  it.  • Setting  some  goals  with  them  and  helping  them  stay  accountable.    (Goal  Sheet)  • Send  them  thank  you  cards  or  emails  to  let  them  know  how  much  you  appreciate  them.    • Have  the  protégé  and  family  send  them  a  thank  you  card.  • Getting  them  resources  that  will  be  helpful  to  them  –  (articles  &books).  

• Providing  ongoing  training  to  help  the  mentor  feel  competent  and  confident.  • Provide  some  fun  group  events  where  they  can  interact  with  other  mentoring  matches.  • Provide  free  passes  to  fun  local  events.  • Have  a  yearly  awards  party  that  you  recognize  the  mentoring  matches.    Come  up  with  some  

awards  that  would  be  encouraging  to  the  mentors.  • Remind  them  of  their  past  successes  within  their  match.  • Contact  their  pastor  and  brag  on  the  mentor.  • Have  the  mentor  get  involved  in  recruiting  friends  to  mentor.    It  can  be  fun  to  have  a  good  friend  

who  is  also  mentoring  a  child.    You  can  do  stuff  together  from  time  to  time.    It  can  increase  the  morale  for  both  matches.  

 Casting  Vision  

• Reminding  them  that  mentoring  works.  • Pointing  them  back  to  the  Biblical  basis  of  mentoring.    They  are  fulfilling  the  Great  Commission.    • Giving  them  a  long-‐term  perspective.    Tell  success  stories.    Raise  their  sights  beyond  the  current  

challenges  and  see  the  bigger  picture.    Encourage  them  to  dream  with  their  protégés  regarding  the  future  that  God  has  in  store  for  them  and  then  take  steps  to  help  them  accomplish  their  dreams.  

 (Mentor  Story)  

NOTES    

1. Sipe,  C.L.  (1999).  Mentoring  adolescents:  What  have  we  learned?  In  Grossman,  J.B.  (Ed.),  Contemporary  issues  in  mentoring.  (p.  17).  Philadelphia:  Public/Private  Ventures.  

2. Sipe,C.L.(1999).Mentoring  adolescents:  What  have  we  learned?  In  Grossman,  J.B.  (Ed.),  Contemporary  issues  in  mentoring.  (p.  17).  Philadelphia:  Public/Private  Ventures.  Also  see  Sipe,  C.L.  (1996).  Mentoring:  A  synthesis  of  P/PV's  research:  1988-‐1995.  Philadelphia:  Public/Private  Ventures;      and  C.  Herrea,  L.  Sipe,  and  W.  S.  MeClanahan,  Mentoring  School-‐Aged  Children:  Relationship  Development  in  Community-‐Based  and  School-‐Based  Programs  (Philadelphia:  Public/Private  Ventures,  2000)  

3. Rhodes,  Jean  (2004).  Stand  By  Me.  **Rhodes  p.  35  4. C.  Herrea,  L.  Sipe,  and  W.  S.  MeClanahan,  Mentoring  School-‐Aged  Children:  Relationship  

Development  in  Community-‐Based  and  School-‐Based  Programs  (Philadelphia:  Public/Private  Ventures,  2000)  **Rhodes  p.36  

5. C.  Herrea,  L.  Sipe,  and  W.  S.  MeClanahan,  Mentoring  School-‐Aged  Children:  Relationship  Development  in  Community-‐Based  and  School-‐Based  Programs  (Philadelphia:  Public/Private  Ventures,  2000)  **Rhodes  p.85  

                     

           

Parent  Story    

The  mentoring  ministry  I  was  worked  with  initially  got  involved  with  a  family  while  the  mom  was  in  a  residential  drug  rehab  program  overcoming  a  drug  addiction.    She  had  a  son  and  daughter  that  we  matched  with  mentors.    The  mentors  and  their  church  did  a  great  job  of  reaching  out  to  the  mom  and  served  her  in  many  ways.    She  actually  started  attending  the  church  and  accepted  Jesus  as  her  personal  Lord  and  Savior.      This  lady’s  two  kids  had  been  in  our  mentoring  program  for  over  two  years  at  this  point  and  I  started  coaching  another  one  of  her  younger  daughters.    I  had  coached  that  match  for  about  a  year.    I  made  one  of  my  routine  monthly  calls  to  the  mom  and  I  could  tell  by  her  voice  that  she  was  very  stressed.    I  asked  her  what  was  wrong.    She  started  crying  and  said  it  had  been  a  horrible  couple  of  weeks.    Her  job  cut  her  hours  back  and  now  she  was  not  going  to  be  able  to  pay  her  rent  along  with  other  bills.    She  found  a  less  expensive  apartment,  but  they  needed  to  move  in  the  next  couple  of  days.    She  said  that  she  really  wanted  to  go  out  and  get  high.    She  said  she  knew  that  was  not  what  God  would  want,  but  that  is  what  she  felt  like  doing.    I  told  her  that  I  was  sorry  that  she  was  in  such  a  tough  situation  and  that  if  I  were  in  her  shoes  I  would  be  stressed  too.    I  let  her  know  that  I  had  never  been  in  a  situation  quite  like  that,  but  that  when  I  was  in  difficult  situations  what  always  helped  me  was  to  ask  God  for  help.    I  asked  her  if  I  could  pray  for  her.    She  said  that  would  be  great.    So  I  prayed  with  her  and  when  I  finished  she  said  your  call  today  was  a  divine  appointment.    You  listening  and  praying  for  me  is  just  what  I  needed.    You  never  know  when  God  is  going  to  give  you  an  opportunity  to  minister  to  a  parent.    I  was  not  able  to  solve  all  of  her  problems,  but  she  knew  that  I  cared  about  her  and  her  family.                            

           

Norman    &  Dylan    Norman  was  71  and  Dylan  was  12  when  they  were  first  matched.    Norman  and  Dylan  have  been  matched  for  over  5  ½  years.    Dylan  was  a  high-‐risk  kid  because  of  his  family  situation.    Dylan’s  dad  was  out  of  the  picture  and  his  mom  struggled  with  serious  depression.    We  actually  had  another  boy  in  mind  for  Norman  because  we  did  not  know  if  he  could  handle  a  boy  like  Dylan.    Norman  said  he  felt  like  God  was  leading  him  to  mentor  Dylan  and  so  that  is  how  it  all  started.        Norman  and  Dylan  hit  it  off  from  the  very  beginning.    They  really  enjoyed  hanging  out  with  each  other.    Norman  was  a  retired  farmer,  so  he  introduced  Dylan  to  the  farm  and  he  loved  it.    Norman  also  got  Dylan  involved  in  the  Upward  Basketball  program  at  his  church.    About  a  year  into  their  match  Norman  had  to  have  heart  surgery.    Norman  and  Dylan  had  already  developed  a  close  relationship  by  this  time.    This  was  a  major  surgery  and  there  was  a  chance  that  he  may  not  recover  well.    This  challenging  time  grew  their  bond  even  stronger.    Norman  did  recover  well  and  has  been  going  strong  ever  since.    Their  match  has  not  been  a  smooth  ride.    There  have  been  many  bumps  in  the  road  along  the  way.    Dylan  has  always  struggled  in  school.    He  has  some  learning  disabilities  and  so  he  would  often  get  overwhelmed  with  schoolwork  and  end  up  getting  into  trouble.    Norman  had  many  visits  with  schoolteachers,  counselors,  and  principals.    Dylan  got  locked  up  in  Juvenile  Detention  for  extended  times  3  or  4  different  times  during  their  match.    Norman  would  always  make  it  a  point  to  go  and  visit  Dylan  each  week  at  the  facilities.    When  I  think  of  Norman  and  the  challenges  he  had  with  Dylan,  I  think  of  the  quote,  “When  life  gives  you  lemons,  make  lemonade”.    God  has  used  Norman  to  make  good  out  of  bad  situations.    As  Norman  visited  Dylan  so  many  times  at  these  Juvenile  Detention  facilities  he  got  to  know  many  of  the  other  kids  that  were  there  as  well.    He  felt  God  calling  him  to  reach  out  to  them.    A  year  ago,  Norman  was  ordained  by  his  church  and  he  is  now  a  chaplain  at  a  Juvenile  Detention  Facility.    This  has  been  an  amazing  match  to  watch.    Norman  has  helped  Dylan  in  his  spiritual  walk.    Dylan  prayed  for  the  meal  at  the  2009  State  of  Kansas  Mentoring  Conference.      Dylan  also  helped  start  a  Bible  study  at  one  of  the  Juvenile  Detention  Facilities.    Norman  got  Dylan  a  summer  job  on  a  farm  where  he  drove  a  tractor  and  worked  with  cattle.    Norman  helped  Dylan  get  his  driver’s  license  a  couple  months  ago.    Norman  helped  Dylan  complete  his  GED.          

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Making a Match • Introductions – tell a little bit about each other – Need to break the ice and

start some rapport with the protégé, parent, and mentor. • The reason we have a mentoring program is because we care about families and

kids and we want to see the next generation better than our current one. Our services are free. We don’t get paid by state, Not a social service Agency.

• Mentoring is a big deal. What the mentor is committing to do is spend 2-3 hours a week for at least one year. Over the course of a year that is over 100 hours. Mentor does not get paid, but does it because they really care about kids.

• Boundaries – the time commitment is (2-3 hrs / wk). • Outings should be with the protégé only and not protégé’s siblings or friends. • If other siblings have mentors – set up expectations – they will be different • Communication problem –One of the most common problems is break down in

communication lines. The mentor and family are required to stay in contact with staff and notify us of any problems that may arise or if there is a change of address or phone #.

• We want the mentor and child to meet as consistently as possible. We realize that things may come up and it might be necessary to break an appointment. Please try to give the other party 24 hours notice if possible.

• The mentor should consult with the parent when setting up appointments. Mentor should inform parent what they are doing and when they will be back.

• The parent, family member, or friend should be home when the child is picked up and returns from an outing.

• We know the mentors well. We know the mentor has the child’s best interest in mind. When the mentor is with the child the mentor is the authority figure. We ask the child to respect the mentor and their belongings.

• Balanced relationship – goal is not to spoil child or always have fun – General Rule - 1/3 life skill, 1/3 spiritual, & 1/3 fun activities.

• If protégé is struggling in school you might recommend the mentor talking to the protégé’s teacher to see if they can be of help. (Need parents approval)

• Events – Inform them of events you have that you would like them to attend. • Sign friendship pact • I am your case manager – I will call you every other week for first 3 months and

once a month after that. Not to nag, but to help develop the relationship. Yearly check up. Reasons for Rematch. (end in first 3 months)

• Do you have any advice or input for the mentor and I on how to start the relationship off well with your child. (Is there anything important that we should know)

• Questions or concerns, PRAY and PICTURE, *** Releases signed *** • Set a few basic goals - Goal setting sheet & set up first meeting.

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TEN SIGNS OF SUCCESS

Success as a mentor is not based on how well the child does. It is marked by your faithfulness and love. Here are some ways that you can measure your success as a mentor. 1. Do I make my best attempt to meet weekly with my match?

2. Do I invest at least two to four hours a week of my time with my match?

3. Do I stick to my role: Building a friendship? 4. Do I plan activities based on the youth’s interest? 5. Do I listen intently? 6. Do I encourage my match and remain non-judgmental? 7. Do I communicate with my mentoring coach and follow the

program Mentoring Policy? 8. Do I always show respect for his or her family?

9. Do I pray daily for my match?

10. Do I attempt to reflect Jesus in my relationship?