educational play - blood borne pathogens

8/4/2019 Educational Play - Blood Borne Pathogens

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Blood-Borne Pathogens: A Tale of Erotic Intrigue

by Zach Ehrlich, Debbie Sachare, PJ Grisar, and Mike Stanton

Everyone in the production wears bright colors and overacts clumsily. The narrator,

dressed in an ugly monochromatic outfit, walks center stage.

Narrator:

Hello, fellow Americans! I know what youre thinking: Ive taken time out of my

valuable schedule as a High School Based Education Conveyor to come learn aboutBlood-Borne Pathogens! Well, I cant blame you there, theyre pretty darn interesting.

But Im sure youre also wondering, What exactly are the Blood-Borne Pathogens?

How and why do they affect me? Is it something I said? Well Im here today to answer

those questions and some you havent even askedyet!

As the narrator speaks, the stage is set for PJs scene. The Scholar enters.

Narrator:My friends, Id like you to imagine a time in the far past, when the world was aflame

with tales of romance and adventure. But just because times were a little more excitingdoesnt mean they didnt need to use proper safety precautions! Here is a prominent

scholar to introduce you to Blood-Borne Pathogens with a quick reenactment. Ready?

Scholar:I am receiving payment for this, arent I?

Narrator:Fantastic! Take it away!

The Narrator strides off, and The Scholar begins speaking. The other characters enter.

SCHOLAR: The Elizabethan era produced some of the greatest and most prolific writers

the English language has ever seen. Marlowe, Chaucer, and of course The Bard,Shakespeare, are all present and accounted for, many of their words becoming all but

colloquial in our hearts and minds. However, all this comes with a darker side, for as we

see in the tragedies their quills unfurl we are audience to a glaring negligence, for what to

us in the modern day seems compulsory. Each play in which blood is shed has a nearcomplete disregard for the insidious agents known as Blood-Borne Pathogens. Theirs was

a simpler time where one cared less for such things and more for the inequity of the

humors they believed would follow. So for your enjoyment and edification, I will showyou a scene from Shakespeares earliest tragedy: Titus Andronicus, first as it was written,

then with a cautionary spin of anti-contaminatory measures. In this scene, Titus and his

daughter Lavinia are reunited; Lavinia having been taken advantage of and having lostboth her hands, as well as her tongue, and Titus with recent amputation of his hand as

well.

TITUS: My Lavinia, how dost thou come to this?


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That Diana had blinked and left you to this fate!

Prithee, confide into mine ear the names.

What men, what Brigand,To have stripped you of your maiden rose?

(LAVINIA leans to tell, pouring blood into her fathers regal ear, mumbling like the

dumb. Titus bloody stumps also spout some.)TITUS: Of course the Moor!

(An objection from LAVINIA. She gropes at her father with her stubs trying to providethe true culprits names, but alas she has no tongue and her every utterance sound like

guttural l=E 2s and ms. By the end of TITUS' speech she has all but collapsed from

exhaustion.)

The slave, Aaron to pursue.

By ebony facade I know him,And that his humors should

Meet to consummate core darker than all conspirators in Tartarus!

Fie that slave shall be blacker yet!

(He holds his daughter, but as his hand has been recently severed he bleeds all over her.)Lavinia by my sleeve,

Bide your honor,I shall have the nighted man play Fakir to coals!

SCHOLAR: You are witness to it! A complete myopia toward germs. But, behold the

enlightened!

TITUS: My Lavinia, how dost thou come to this?

That Diana had blinked and left you to this fate!Alas your blood is quicked, that I should seek counsel,

I most have the gash clotted or else risk infection!

Herald!(ENTER HERALD.)

HERALD: Prithee Lord how I may facilitate!

TITUS: Attend my daughter and gauze my severance.

HERALD: If I fail in fulfilling the task shall I receive a se verance check?(TAKE to the audience, rim shot if possible.)

SCHOLAR: How refreshing! See how the drama is advanced in the character of theHerald appealing to the toiling men of livery! (ENTER Basianus furtively.) A masterpiece

without corruption of arc or poetry. Nothing need be sacrificed to make such changes,

you have been witness to it yourselves. Now imagine a Romeo and Juliet preaching thesanctity of marriage as more than the consummation to follow, a more Politically aware

Lear in which an aging senator warns in his action the necessity of geriatric-healthcare, or

Marlowes Faustus, in a modern twist, with attention to climate change.


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BASSIANUS: Lavinia my love!(A glance to SCHOLAR.)

What interloper is this?

TITUS: I know not!

Good cousin have him slain,To a charnel house or bloody-ossuary!

I have no hand for to take life!

SCHOLAR: Please gentleman, I am but your humble paragon of an elbow-padded, pipe-

stuffing scholar!

BASSIANUS: Then lay on Scholar,and damnd be him that first cries for spilt choler!

BASSIANUS slits his throat with his sword, and exits angrily with the other characters.

As The Scholar convulses, The Narrator returns with a nurse carrying what appears tobe a makeshift defibrillator.

Nurse:

CLEAR!

She presses it to The Scholars chest repeatedly, yelling the same word. Finally, he gets

up, shoots an angry glance at The Narrator, and walks off with the Nurse, holding hiswound. The Narrator chuckles.

Narrator:

Hell be OK. Now, Im sure all that violence has gotten you quite riled up, so I think its

time you saw something a little more recognizable.

John and Sally enter, standing next to a pantomimed water cooler. John is holding animmense carving knife, covered in blood. No one takes any notice of this.

Narrator:

Im sure this setup is familiar to you: A group of dedicated educators, taking some time

off in their designated Educationally Based Relaxation Setting or(he makes air quotes

with his fingers) teachers lounge.

Sally:It sure is a beautiful day for learning, isnt it John!

John:I enjoy my educational setting and do my best to encourage the general environment of

inquisitive learning and acceptance of diversity!

The narrator laughs heartily.


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Narrator:

John and Sally are ordinary education professionals, just like you! But John and Sally areabout to learn an important lesson about mankinds oldest foe, aside from racism, and the

Siberian Howler-Monkey, of course. Blood-Born Pathogens!

John lifts his carving knife.

John:You know, it was just last night I was working at my part-time job as a chef at our local

community center, Dahmers Home for Wayward Orphaned Amputee Children.

Sally:Gee, John, that sounds like quite a time commitment!

John:

It is, Sally, but its always worth it, just to see the smiles on their beaming, limbless faces.But recently, Ive found my best carving knife has been getting Well Dull. I dont

know what to do about it. Sally, I know youre an avid knife collector and hobbyist, so Iwas thinking maybe you could take a look at it.

Sally:

Well I dont know, John. Couldnt that be a little dangerous?

John:

Of course not! Its dull, remember?

Sally:

Well fine

Sally takes the knife from him gingerly. She runs her hand along the blade, suddenlyletting out an ear shattering screech. If at all possible, a blood pack should explode from

her hand, getting blood all over her clothing. She drops the knife and continues to shriek,

staring straight out at the audience. John looks at her, looks at the knife, stares straightout at the audience and screams in one sustained cry. If possible, blood should still be

gushing from Sallys hand. The narrator waves his hand, and they both freeze.

Narrator:

Whoa there! Any more violence and well have the censors on us like vultures to a sweet,succulent Chihuahua. Maybe we had ought to see what else is going on at this oddly

familiar High School Heres one for you physical educators out there: Gym class!

John and Sally exit, and The Narrator steps out of the way as JAYNE and JENNY cross

from downstage left to downstage right as if walking to gym class. JENNY is wearinglong earrings.


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JAYNE: Jenny, I absolutely love your earrings, did you get those for school?

JENNY: Yeah, actually, when Bessie and I went shopping in the city. I dont know whyyou werent there

JAYNE: Oh, that Sunday? Yeah I remember that, I got grounded (Ughh)

JENNY: Riiiight. Well, Bes and I went to this cute place near Grand Central. It had a

weird name, some fruit or something. Pear? Er, no, um, Strawberry? Yeah, I think it wascalled Strawberry

As the girls talk around the middle of JENNYs story, they go into gym class which is

center stage. They are joined by the COACH, DYLAN and the GYM CLASS consisting of

boys and girls dressed for gym.

JENNY: well anyways, arent they cute?

JAYNE: Adorable. Shouldnt you take them off for gym though- its funball day

JENNY: Haha, no Im sure it will be fine. They are too cute to take off!

JAYNE: True, true.

COACH: Welcome to Freshman Gym. We will start off the year with a little funball, Im

sure you all know how to play. Ready (blows whistle and moves from center facing

upstage talking to the kids- to stage right as if refereeing the game)

JENNY, and JAYNE roll their eyes at each other and start playing with the GYM CLASSand DYLAN. Over time, we see DYLAN become the most aggressive player. DYLAN

blocks a ball heading toward JENNY by pushing her out of the way. JENNY lands so that

she slides on her shoulder and earring, sliding downstage. DYLAN catches the ball. TheCOACH calls time out.

COACH (barking): Dylan! Out, now. Jenny? (Runs over to JENNY. Her ear is bleedingheavily. The earring has ripped through. There is blood on the gym floor. JAYNE runs to

JENNYs side.)

JAYNE: Are you okay? Oh my god Jenny! Are you okay? (beat) Are you okay?

The Narrator returns, once again waving his hand like a puppet-master and stopping the

action on stage.

Narrator:

Now I know what some of you are thinking: My word, this is positively scandalous!

Surely this presentation we came to attend isnt all blood, gore, and blasphemy! Well


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dont get your textbooks in a twist, because Ive arranged something just for you.

Something Academic.

Everybody exits, and in walks Timmy from downstage right.

TIMMY: (enters downstage right): Thank you for your help Mr. Schraufnagel!

SCHRAUF: (from offstage right): No problem, Timmy. Anytime.

(Timmy walks from stage right to stage left, OTHERS join in, as if in a stairwell. We hear

the bell ring. TIMMY realizes he is late for class. Hurriedly he begins to run whilepulling out a pencil and his math homework. He crosses from upstage right to downstage

left scribbling the quadratic formula when he trips over his shoelaces.)

TIMMY: (falls) Whoaaa-ow! (ad lib pain) oh my math homework!

(We see a pencil sticking out from TIMMYs arm as he yells in pain. TIMMY pulls thepencil out of his arm, making it bleed all over the place.)

SALLY: (enters from upstage left and crosses downstage) Oh my god, Timmy, are you

alright? What happened?

TIMMY: Oh(embarrassedly surprised) Sally! Um, no, really- Im fine.(TIMMY tries to get up)

SALLY: No. Timmy, you should stay right there, dont move, let me go get help.(TINA enters down left)

SALLY: Tina! Hey Tina, could you wait here with Timmy while I go find a nurse?(SALLY exists downstage right)

TINA: Oh gosh, of course. (Kneeling beside TIMMY accidentally touching his arm)

Timmy are y--- oh no! (TINA touched the blood) oops. Um, are you okay?

TIMMY: Sorry. Yeah, I just tripped and then pencil (motions) well, you know.

TINA: (sympathizes) Aw. Hey is that last nights math?

TIMMY: (nervously) Ha. Ha. Yeah

The Narrator once again freezes time, reentering.

Narrator:

Isnt young love magical? On that ever so upbeat note, lets get back to John and Sally.


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All except The Narrator exit, and John and Sally come back on, taking the exact sameposes that they had when we last saw them.

Narrator:

Things have taken a dark turn for our heroes, but they are not out of the proverbial woods

yet. Not even close. For by handling that knife, and getting foreign blood into her system,Sally invited a terror far worse than anything she ever could have imagined.

The two unfreeze, done screaming but still horrified by their situation.

John:

This is an exposure incident! Ill call 911!

BBP (Offstage):

You fools; its too late for that!

Suddenly, an actor rushes onstage, wearing a white shirt with the words BLOODBORNE PATHOGENS scrawled on it in sharpie. He attaches himself to Sally like atoddler.

BBP:

It is I, Blood Borne Pathogens!

Sally + John:

The plural?!

BBP:

Yes The plural!

John and Sally are quite distraught.

Sally:Aaagh! Get them off me!

BBP:

Silly knife-handling person! His foreign blood contained Malaria, Hepatitis B, HepatitisC, West Nile Virus, and HIV! You are doomed!

John:Oh. Right. Forgot to mention those.

Sally:Gosh darn! But certainly there must be something I can do!

She looks expectantly at the narrator. Awkward pause.


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Narrator:

But what John and Sally didnt know is that all Blood-Borne Pathogen exposure incidents

need to be reported to the resident workplace supervisor-

Sally:

Of course! The supervisor!

Narrator:

-I wasnt finished-

Sally:

SUPERVISOR!!!

There is an awkward moment between the four of them.

BBP:

So how long has this guy been around?

He gestures to the narrator. John shrugs.

John:

Dunno. He just Talks.

The supervisor rushes in. He points to BBP.

Supervisor:Is that-

BBP:It is I, Blood-Borne Pathogens!

The supervisor gasps.

Supervisor:

The plural?!?!

John + Sally + BBP:

Yes, the plural!!!

Supervisor:

All right, all right! Everybody stay calm! As teachers, I know that Blood-Borne

Pathogens are your primary concern, so no doubt youre all prepared for this.

John + Sally:

No.


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Supervisor:

Oh Well Uh

He removes a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket, flattens it out, and reads it. He

reads slowly.

Supervisor:

Accidents which result in overt exposures to infectious materials are immediately

reported to the Principle Investigator... Thats me! Medical evaluation, surveillance, andtreatment are provided as appropriate and written records are kept.

A woman or man wearing a nurses costume rushes in. Gender is unimportant.

Nurse:

Did somebody say medical evaluation?!

Supervisor:Yes!

Nurse:

Never fear, it is I, your devoted school nurse! The fact that I work here has nothing to

with the fact that I refuse to work the night shift at the local hospital!

Sally:

Nurse, look! Ive contracted Blood-Borne Pathogens!

The nurse gasps.

Nurse:THE PLURAL!?!?!

Everyone else:YES, THE PLURAL!!!

Nurse:

Goodness gracious! EXAMINATION TIME IS NOW!!!

The nurse walks over to Sally and pokes BBP, who is still latched onto her. He just staresat the nurse. The nurse stretches his shirt, reading the writing on it.

Nurse:

Im sorry, Im afraid its too late.

BBP laughs maniacally.

Nurse:


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The only way to deal with these pathogens is through complex, painful surgery.

John:If only I hadnt bled on that knife!

Sally:If only I hadnt handled that knife!

Supervisor:If only I had finished grade school!

Nurse:

If only. If only.

As the narrator makes his next monologue, it would appear as though they plan onperforming surgery on Sally right there in the lounge. If possible, a gurney is brought

out, which Sally and BBP lie on. The nurse puts on a welding mask and brings out achainsaw. She begins to put on rubber gloves.

Narrator:

It seems to be too late for John and Sally, but we left some of our other heroes in quite

the briny pickle, if youll recall. Lets see how things could have turned out better for

them.

The gym class scene is restored

JAYNE: ARE YOU OKAY!?!?!

COACH: Jayne, I think it would be more helpful for you to go tell a nurse what hashappened. Jenny, come here lets get off the floor. (JAYNE runs off stage right) COACH

helps JENNY into a chair set against the proscenium) Dylan, go to the Gym Office and

get the personal protective equipment case, please.

DYLAN: Yeah, okay coach. Sorry Jenny. (JENNY nods in acceptance)

(Two of the GYM CLASS begin to walk toward JENNY meaning walk through the blood

on the floor)

COACH: Wait girls, back up from that contaminated area. We want to use universalprecautions and prevent an exposure incident.

(DYLAN returns with the kit)

DYLAN: Here coach.


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COACH: Thank you, Dylan. Alright Jenny, you will be fine. (COACH puts on glovesimmediately and begins unpacking kit). The Narrator does his hand-wavy magic, and

they exit. Immediately, the gym scene is recreated.

TINA: (sympathizes) Aw. Hey is that last nights math?

TIMMY: (nervously) Ha. Ha. Yeah

(SALLY and NURSE and OTHER NURSE enter downstage right. NURSE is wearing

gloves and has a kit of tools with her to clean up the scene)

NURSE: Okay Timmy, why dont you go with the nurse here and she will get you

cleaned up. (Begins to unpack Personal Protective Equipment)

(TIMMY and OTHER NURSE exit downstage right)

TINA: Let me help you with that (TINA kneels to help NURSE)

NURSE: No Tina, dont touch! Thank you for the offer but in order to ensure nocontamination, you need to be wearing personal protective equipment. I just want to

consider the universal precautions and make sure we can decontaminate this area without

an exposure incident.

TINA: Ah, okay, I understand. (Backing off)

The Narrator waves them off.

Narrator:

And so, friends, today weve learned a valuable lesson about Blood-Borne Pathogens.Should you come into contact with any foreign bodily fluids and I mean any foreign

bodily fluids please report the incident to your workplace supervisor as quickly as

possible. Make sure all fluids are cleaned up, and that you wear gloves when sanitizing:Remember, all fluids could potentially be dangerous, so be sure to wash your hands! But

unlike those fluids, I know these facts are dry. And with my uncanny mind-powers, I

know what youre thinking once again: Mr. Very Suave Narrator Sir, this is all quite

interesting, but why is this important to me? Im glad you asked, audience. Becauseyour knowledge of Blood-Borne Pathogens isnt just important today Its critical to the

future. (Pause) Of America!

(Two DISEASEDcrawl out on stage, silently coughing. They are dressed in rags,covered in blood.)

NARRATOR

These two poor, diseased souls are from the year 2020, 20 years in the future!

DISEASED 1


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(coughing up blood) Oh, this blood-borne pathogen has really infected my system! Why,

the worlds gone down the tubes since the outbreak of blood-borne pathogens!

DISEASED 2

And they thought the economic decline in 2008 was bad!

NARRATOR

You see, because one exposure incident wasnt handled correctly, blood-borne pathogens

have spread across the whole world!

DISEASED 1(coughing up more blood) Ouch! My lungs and breathing-related organs!

DISEASED 2

I think you might be dying of a blood-borne pathogen-related illness!

DISEASED 1Oh, why didnt they just use personal protective equipment on the day of the exposure

incident!

DISEASED 2

If they had just used proper work practice controls, the world wouldnt be collapsing!

DISEASED 1

Yeah, and I wouldnt be dying! Oh, the humanity, et cetera, et cetera.

DISEASED 2

Yeah, and Hey, wait. Youre not really dying, are you?

DISEASED 1

Of course I am! Why would you (whispering) Listen, were supposed to be teaching a

lesson about the ramifications of blood-borne pathogens! Just play along! (DISEASED 2

winks)

DISEASED 1&2

Oh, the humanity!

Narrator:

Ladies and Gentlemen, we can all learn a valuable lesson from todays events. Dont letthe jaws of ignorance clamp down on you like those of an angry chinchilla, be prepared.

Be safe. Thank you, and God bless America!

Blackout.

educational play - blood borne pathogens

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