EDITING AND REVISING STUDENT

WORKMs. AlonsoEnglish I

STRONG INTRODUCTIONS In an argumentative essay, the introduction is very important. It gives the reader his/her first impression of an argumentative essay.

Start with a short background

Every pet owner knows that there are enormous responsibilities that go along with having a cat or dog. Owners must feed and exercise their pets to keep them physically healthy; they must play with it, and keep it emotionally healthy too. Owners must also keep their animals safe from cars, people, or other animals.

Introduce the debated question / issue

There’s another responsibility that not all pet owners think about, however: spaying or neutering, or “fixing.” What does “fixing” you pet mean? Simply put, it means taking your pet to the vet for a quick, cheap surgery that will prevent your pet from ever becoming a mother or father.

Explain why it’s important

This surgery solves problems that pet owners know about, and some that they might not have considered before.

State your position

In fact, all pet owners should be required to have their pets fixed because spaying is good for the health of your pet, spaying prevents unwanted animals, and spaying decreases the chances of animals being killed for overpopulation.

INTRODUCTION CHECKLIST

Do you have a claim as your last sentence?

Does your claim include three reasons that will guide the rest of the paper?

Did you write in third person? NO “I” or “you”

Did you use a hook or a grabber? If you used a question, try to change this into a strong statement or anecdote.

COUNTERCLAIMS Clearly state the point your opposition would be making

Although some pet owners would disagree by saying that spaying surgery is expensive.Even though the opposition claims that spaying surgery is risky.

Persuasively refute or rebut the point using evidence(logical explanation, facts, statistics, well-known authority opinions)

To refute the point is to prove it is incorrect:

Almost all cities have a fund to help pay for the surgery. Just ask your vet or the local S.P.C.A. (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals). The cost can be as low as $10.

To rebut the point is to prove that it is irrelevant or not powerful enough.

Spaying or neutering when your pet is young and healthy is almost 100% safe.On other hand, your animal is in much more danger if it is not fixed, for the urge to run away from home will put your pet in extremely dangerous situations.

VAGUE PRONOUNS At this time, circle every instance of the word “it”, “this”, “that”, “which” in your paper.

Thomas was always unprepared for class. It made his teacher increasingly mad.

Thomas was always unprepared for class. This made his teacher increasingly mad.

WAYS TO FIX THIS PROBLEM:

You could replace it with a noun: Thomas was always unprepared for class, and his constant unpreparedness drove his teacher crazy.

You could add a noun to this: Thomas was always unprepared for class, and this habit of his drove his teacher crazy.

You could combine the two parts into a single statement: Thomas’s constant unpreparedness made his teacher increasingly mad.

You could add a noun before which: Harry was always unprepared for class, a habit which drove his teacher crazy.

CITING SOURCES Highlight every single time that you refer to your sources.

Did you introduce your source with all of the available information?

Example: In “Social Media as Community” by Keith Hampton, Hampton explains that “the average user of a social networking site had more close ties” to other people a fact that makes these internet users less likely to be lonely.

Did you cite your sources according to the information available in parenthetical citation?

Example: In “Social Media as Community” by Keith Hampton, Hampton explains that “the average user of a social networking site had more close ties” to other people a fact that makes these internet users less likely to be lonely (Hampton, 2012).

Do you explain your quotations and why they are relevant to your claim?

Example: In “Social Media as Community” by Keith Hampton, Hampton explains that “the average user of a social networking site had more close ties” to other people a fact that makes these internet users less likely to be lonely (Hampton, 2012). If internet users are less likely to be lonely, doesn’t that mean that the internet is more beneficial than it is harmful for people?

Do you use at least 3-5 citations from at least 2 different texts?

DO NOT USE SOURCE 1, SOURCE 2, SOURCE 3, etc.

SENTENCE

VARIETY

CAPITALIZATION, PUNCTUATION, AND GRAMMARDid you capitalize the beginning of every sentence?

Did you put a period, exclamation point, or question at the end of your sentences depending on whether the sentence was a statement, a question, or an exclamation?

Did you use the word “like” at random? Remove it.

Did you use the word “and” more than once in a sentence? Remove it.

TRANSITIONS Highlight your transitions. Now, add at least 2 of the following transitions in a place that makes sense.

SENTENCE FLUENCY1. Trade papers with the person next to you. Read their papers aloud to them, then switch roles. Answer

the following questions about your own paper as they are reading:

2. Does the reader have any areas where he runs out of breath?  If so, look at those areas for possible run-on sentences.

3. Do any areas of the reading sound short and choppy?  If so, check those areas for fragments and an overuse of simple sentences.  Combine some of the sentences.

4. Are there any fragments, or incomplete thoughts?  If so, do they add to the message?  If not, rewrite the fragments so that they are complete sentences.

5. Do several sentences begin in the same way?  If so, rewrite the sentences so that they have different beginnings.

6. Do several sentences sound the same?  If so, rework some of the sentence structures.

7. Do the sentences all seem to be of the same length?  If so, rewrite some of the sentences to add variety in the length.

8. Does the reader get lost and have to backtrack in any areas?  If so, look at how the sentences are connected to each other. Rewrite them so that their relationship is more clear.

9. Does it sound like the way a person would normally speak?  If not, rewrite the sentences to sound the way a person would talk.

10. Do any areas of the reading sound effortless, flowing, and rhythmic?   If so, these areas contain good sentence fluency.   

11. Do any areas invite expressive, oral reading?  If so, they contain good sentence fluency.

FLUENCY CONTINUED

Now, read the sentences backwards to yourself starting from the end of the paper until the beginning.

Does every sentence have a meaning when it stands by itself (subject and verb)?If not, correct these!