earlier draft of thankskilling sequel
DESCRIPTION
Thankskilling Gobble Gobble MotherfuckerTRANSCRIPT
THANKSKILLING SEQUEL
By
Kevin Stewart, Jordan Downey,
& Mike Will Downey
CONFIDENTIAL
DRAFT 5
(WORK IN PROGRESS)
10/05/2011
Copyright 2011
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
LEGAL:
Greenberg Glusker
Matt Galsor/ Jesse Saivar
1900 Ave of the Stars, 21st Fl
Los Angeles, CA 90067
WALL OF BLOOD
Vibrant, coagulated red blood flows downward - a thin
vertical barricade of paint-like ooze.
The familiar VOICE of TURKIE is heard:
TURKIE (V.O.)
It starts with a peck... and ends
with the ER. HAHAHA!
Slowly, the liquid barrier ripples as an object emerges
through. First a RAZOR-SHARP BEAK... Then a HIDEOUS HEAD...
And finally the blood-soaked FEATHERED BODY of TURKIE.
TURKIE (V.O.)
What’s good, bitches! The name’s
TURKIE and mankind is mine. Because
birds of a feather... FUCK YOU...
together!
(pause)
And NO ONE can stop me!
End on TURKIE’S EYE as it flashes open.
EXT. SURREAL MEADOW - DAY
TWO DOLL EYES stare back at us. And blink.
They belong to YOMI - our hero - a bright orange child
puppet built of fleece. The little girl stands in the midst
of a bright tranquil meadow, time and place unknown.
She does not speak. Nor does she wince as--
THE DOME of her head unhinges above her eyes. In an act of
comfort, an ADULT FLEECE HAND lowers to rest on her back.
Until... a mellow FATHERLY VOICE soothes her:
FATHERLY VOICE (O.S.)
Yomi, my sunshine... These are not
my last words, but words that will
last.
With her head unhinged, a RED BLOB WITH EYES rises from
Yomi’s open cranium and gravitates toward the clouds. Her
MIND, with a face of its own, fears its absence from her.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
FATHERLY VOICE (O.S.)
The journey our kind must face
awaits you now. You will be without
your mind. Without your thoughts.
Without memories. Lost in an
unknown world.
YOMI’S MIND drifts further away. It reaches out with arms.
YOMI’S MIND
Yooooommmiiii! I’m scared.
Little Yomi smiles just enough to comfort the mind.
FATHERLY VOICE (O.S.)
When you find your destiny, all
that lies inside...
(hand touches Yomi’s head)
...shall return with infinite
wisdom.
YOMI’S MIND
Goodbye Yomi!
FATHERLY VOICE (O.S.)
Go now Yomi. Find your fleece.
With that, Yomi is overpowered by light.
THE MIND drifts through endless clouds and sky. We disappear
into the haze with the Mind...
YOMI’S MIND
Our story begins... in Space.
THROUGH CLOUDS:
SPACE - TIME UNKNOWN
NOTE: The following scene purposely appears RUSHED, WITHOUT
BUDGET, and shot in a LOWER RESOLUTION FORMAT.
Stars glisten. PLANETS dangle from invisible string. The
moment is ruined by MOUTH-MADE SPACESHIP SOUND FX.
EEEERRRRRRRRR!!! A God-awful COMPUTER GENERATED SPACESHIP in
the shape of a WISHBONE floats by like digital cardboard.
3.
INT. SPACE SHIP - CONTROL ROOM
MECHA-TURKIE, a half-robotic reconstruction of Turkie,
stands over a victim. His single mechanical eye glows red.
MECHA-TURKIE
In space, no one can hear you
baste!
He speaks to -- RHONDA WORM - a sexually ambiguous space
worm with a mustache and comb-over. She’s curled up in a
cloud of fog and wields a MINI MACHINE GUN.
RHONDA WORM
Yo bro! Baste this!
Rhonda FIRES the machine gun!
SPACE - MOMENTS LATER
The computer generated wishbone craft EXPLODES to pixels.
MECHA-TURKIE’S SEVERED HEAD spirals past camera.
MECHA-TURKIE’S HEAD
Oh daaaaaaarrrrnnnn!
INT. SPACE HOSPITAL - DAY - SOME TIME LATER
MECHA-TURKIE’S HEAD is hooked up to a life support system as
he awaits news from a DOCTOR who stands over the bed.
MECHA-TURKIE’S HEAD
How bad is it?
DOCTOR
You’re not going to survive.
SLAM TO BLACK!
TITLE CARD: THANKSKILLING 2.
INT. SCREENING ROOM - DAY
Pull back -- revealed is a PROJECTOR SCREEN. Paused on the
screen is the ThanksKilling 2 title card.
MATTAN (40’s) - the head of a movie studio, sits in a row of
theater seats, dumbfounded. Behind him, a PRODUCER and a
sickly MARKETING EXECUTIVE nervously await his response.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
MATTAN
WHAT THE FUCK DID WE JUST WATCH?!
Seriously! Three-hundred million
dollars on that!?
PRODUCER
Sir, you did sign off Turkie’s
original pitch.
(performs it)
"The first movie ever shot in
space".
Like a zombie, the Marketing Executive makes for the door.
MARKETING EXECUTIVE
Here sir, get back to me on your
thoughts, I’ve got to get to
Plymouth Rock.
She hands Mattan a DVD CASE and abruptly exits.
MATTAN
Plymouth Rock?!
(thinks)
Why the fuck’s everyone around here
keep going to Plymouth Rock?!
Mattan looks at the DVD CASE in his hand -- a heavily
over-designed concept of an eventual THANKSKILLING 2 DVD.
The glossy artwork depicts Turkie against the moon.
MATTAN
Get this out of my fucking face!
Mattan throws the DVD out an OPEN WINDOW.
EXT. CITY ALLEYWAY - DAY
THE DVD soars out the window and falls into a TRASH
DUMPSTER.
On the wall above the dumpster -- a MASSIVE TATTERED
ADVERTISEMENT that peels away from the brick.
Due to its condition, all that’s distinguishable are the
legs of someone in COLONIAL ATTIRE that stand alongside an
over-sized household appliance.
Bold text reads: "UNCLE DONNY’S PLUCKMASTER 3000".
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.
MATTAN (V.O.)
It’s an embarrassment to this
company! The bastard of every movie
I’ve ever made!
Zero in on the slogan underneath: "THIS THANKSGIVING...FIND
A PEACE OF MIND".
INT. DARK WAREHOUSE - DAY
Rows of boxes are stacked on steel shelving. Each labeled
according to department for the film "ThanksKilling 2".
MATTAN (V.O.)
Never, ever, do I want anyone to be
subjected to what I just sat
through!
RING! A WAREHOUSE SUPERVISOR picks up a phone at his desk.
MATTAN (V.O.)
(over the line)
Burn it! Every fucking last poster.
Every reel, you hear me!?
THE BOXES are pronged from the shelves with a forklift.
EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY - DUSK
A GARBAGE TRUCK roars down the road. Air-ripped from the
back of the truck’s rear loader is a PIECE OF PAPER --
A FLYER for ThanksKilling 2 slaps to the pavement.
EXT. BARREN DESERT - DUSK
Truck tires SKID TO A HALT in the soil--Spotlights on the
truck POWER ON--Boots HIT THE GROUND as two back lit men in
neon green BIO-HAZARD suits penetrate the light.
CLANK! A lever IS THROWN and the rear loader dumps a pile of
flattened ThanksKilling 2 merchandise:
The isolated area becomes a landfill of paperwork, film
reels, memorabilia, arcade games, posters, props, etc.
MATTAN (V.O.)
THANKSKILLING 2 NEVER EXISTED!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.
BIO-HAZARD
(muffled under mask)
Happy Thanksgiving.
The Bio-Hazard men ignite the pile with FLAMETHROWERS.
The pile goes up and ThanksKilling 2 is destroyed forever.
THE REMAINS are scorched with psychedelic flames, each lost
memory a vivid color of its own.
EXT. DESERT - WIDE - LATER/NIGHT
The distant MERCHANDISE PILE burns in the midst of
pitch-black desert. Garbage truck and Bio-Hazards now long
gone.
An ORANGE FLASH in the sky! Fast as hell, some thing streaks
through the atmosphere and CRASH LANDS by the fire.
EXT. DESERT - BURNING REMAINS - NIGHT
WHOMP! A HEAVY BLACK ARMORED BOOT stumbles through the
smoldering TK2 debris.
FAMILIAR VOICE (O.S.)
Fuck Muff, real nice job of getting
us here gracefully. We could’ve
died you wormless bohemmoth!
We hear a loud apologetic moan as we reveal:
MUFF - a tall aliennoid bounty hunter covered in a
form-fitted armored suit. His left hand resembles a metal
mitten, contrasted by a CANNON built into his right arm.
Resting on his shoulder is none other than RHONDA WORM.
MUFF
MMMMMRRRRWWWWYYYY.
RHONDA WORM
Yeah, I know you’re sorry. How
could anyone stay mad at you when
you make a worm’s pussy tingle just
right.
Muff leans in closer to the debris. Rhonda peeks down.
RHONDA WORM
Looks worse than I suspected. We
don’t have long. Giddyup now Muff!
Rhonda nods forward as Muff drudges into the night.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.
CLOSE ON - TURKIE’S FACE on a partially burned poster. PUSH
INTO HIS FACE as flames eat away the paper.
MATCH CUT:
INT. TURKIE’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
TURKIE stares blankly ahead, seated on a couch in front of a
BIRTHDAY CAKE packed with 500+ candles. He is unshaven,
wears a wife-beater and a small birthday hat.
The CANDLES... the FLAMES. Turkie stares at them.
QUICK FLASHES: ThanksKilling 2 destruction.
MRS. TURKIE (O.S.)
Oh Nibla! Time to cut the cake!
Turkie zaps out of his vision and is jolted back to reality.
MRS. TURKIE, a white-feathered turkey with a perm, dress,
and apron, enters the room with a few paper plates.
MRS. TURKIE
Got my talons done today sweetie.
Mrs. Turkie awkwardly holds up her talon and wiggles her
toes to show off her pink nail polish.
MRS. TURKIE
Real nice shade of salmon, huh? Oh
and Patsy say hi. She wuz there
too. She’s looking big, I think her
family might be fattening her up
for something. Yikes.
Turkie squints, mumbles nonsense under his breath.
Mrs. Turkie turns away, shouts at the top of her lungs.
MRS. TURKIE
Nibla, you fucker!
(back to Turkie)
Sweetums, Nibla’s brought his
report card home today. Apparently
he ain’t doing so swell in school.
NIBLA, their 9 year old son and rudimentary version of a
full-grown Turkie puppet, flies a COLONIAL ACTION FIGURE
into the room.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
NIBLA
Meeeeeeerrrrrr, chu-chu-chu!
Suddenly the action figure whacks Turkie square in the head.
NIBLA
Sorry Dad, flew outta my wing.
Nibla plops on the floor in front of the TV as Mrs. Turkie
cuts the cake. He plays with a COLONIAL TOY SET.
MRS. TURKIE
You ready for some cake Nibla?
NIBLA
Ah, Mom I don’t want none.
MRS. TURKIE
Try it dear. It’s your
grandmother’s recipe.
NIBLA
Fine...
Mrs. Turkie carries a plate of cake over to Nibla. Suddenly
-- She STUFFS HER FACE into it and gobbles it up.
Nibla routinely lifts his head, opens his beak, and shakes
like a baby bird awaiting a meal.
Mrs. Turkie wells up and BARFS THE CAKE into Nibla’s mouth.
It spatters all over him.
Turkie is absolutely disgusted.
Nibla chews once, then goes back to playing with his toys.
He takes a TOY TURKEY and pushes it into a TOY APPLIANCE. A
TOY COOKED TURKEY appears out the other end.
TURKIE
What’s that stupid toy you’ve got
there?
NIBLA
Uncle Donny’s PluckMaster 3000 set
Dad, duh. How have you NOT heard
about it? Everyone at school’s got
one. See!
ON TV:
Black and white footage of people painstakingly carving a
turkey. A red stamp drops over the image.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.
UNCLE DONNY (O.S.)
Tired of the hassle it takes to
prepare a turkey?
Entering the kitchen is -- UNCLE DONNY (35), a pitchman and
inventor with a historic gimmick. He wears an exuberant
colonial suit and wig, his face hidden by a beard.
Boisterous, his throw-back image is flared by modern
demeanor and wardrobe colors not accurate to the time
period.
UNCLE DONNY
Uncle Donny here! And I’m about to
simplify YOUR life! Introducing,
the PluckMaster 3000! A simple
household appliance meant to take
this...
A LIVE TURKEY gobbles in the woods.
UNCLE DONNY
And turn it into...
A FAMILY sits around a dinner table. SPARKLE! A fully cooked
turkey magically appears at center, everyone happy.
UNCLE DONNY
This!
INTERCUT BETWEEN TV AND TURKIE
Turkie is enraged. He throws off his birthday hat.
UNCLE DONNY (V.O.)
Designed to kill, pluck, and cook a
live turkey in just 30 seconds!
Uncle Donny stands in front of the PLUCKMASTER, a pristine
white machine that looks far more simple than it sounds.
UNCLE DONNY
This Thanksgiving... have peace of
mind with your piece of pie! CALL
NOW!
Turkie clinches his wing like a fist!
TURKIE
That son of a bitch is dead, you
hear me, dead!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.
GOSSIP REPORTER (V.O.)
The big story everyone’s talking
about tonight? ThanksKilling 2 is
no more.
SLOW MOTION:
Turkie turns, his eyes widen as he stares at the screen.
The TV changes programs. A YOUNG CHARMING GIRL anchors a
gossip television show.
GOSSIP REPORTER
It was two years ago that studio
head Mattan Goldberg surprisingly
announced a mega-budgeted,
kid-friendly sequel to the cult hit
ThanksKilling. But now, the first
movie ever filmed in space,
ThanksKilling 2 will never see the
light of day. The budget reportedly
skyrocketed to well over 300
million dollars after the entire
crew had to complete full astronaut
training programs at NASA just to
get to set. The result is quoted as
being "one of the worst movies ever
made". Consequently, the studio
has pulled it from their lineup and
vowed to never release it.
Turkie shakes with anger as his eyes bulge.
GOSSIP REPORTER (O.S.)
Maybe one day we’ll experience the
disaster that is ThanksKilling 2,
but for now... this baby just
got...
(with echo)
SHELVED!
Turkie’s absolutely devastated - stares in disbelief.
NIBLA
Wow Dad, that’s plucked up.
Mrs. Turkie puts her wing on Turkie’s shoulder.
MRS. TURKIE
Sweetie I’m sorry you had to hear
this way... I didn’t want to tell
you on your birthday.
Turkie turns around to face her.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.
TURKIE
You knew?!
MRS. TURKIE
This morning one of your little
movie friends left a message. He
said it was worse than the toilet
paper commercial that actually
showed someone wiping their ass.
Aaannndd--
(thinks)
Oh yeah! That they were going to
destroy it entirely.
On that, Turkie closes his eyes, boiling inside. The
atmosphere darkens.
TURKIE
My life depends on this you
bitch!!!
Quiet in the room now, save for the thump of a HEARTBEAT.
LIGHT BULBS pop. WIND swirls. Turkie’s tail-span expands. He
grabs his wife-beater - rips it off. Turns to his wife with
a devilish grin -- He’s back!
MRS. TURKIE
If it helps, I suppose I can gobble
your balls tonight...
TURKIE
Gobble this!
He flicks his right wing - SHHHIIING - the feathers fan out
like a razored katana. Turkie raises the weapon!
THWACK! HIS WING splits MRS. TURKIE’S HEAD like a log.
TURKIE’S WING is now lodged deep in her throat. HER HEAD
splits like a pea pod -- revealing NIBLA through mush and
brain matter:
Nibla is paralyzed with fear, mouth jarred.
TURKIE
And you!
Turkie UNSHEATHES HIS WING from his wife’s stump and kicks
her body aside. His larger frame now looms over his son.
Nibla shakes uncontrollably. The room remains darkened.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12.
TURKIE
When I got a call in space from
your mom telling me she laid you, I
told her "put that egg out in the
hot sun, and let it sit til it
cracks", hoping some lizard would
come along and slurp up your rotten
yolk! But she didn’t believe in
that...
Turkie steps forward. Nibla cries hysterically.
NIBLA
I’m sorry Dad... I’m sa-sa-sorry!
Turkie extends his wing. Nibla flinches.
TURKIE
Be evil with your papa.
Nibla lights up and smiles.
NIBLA
Evil? Yes! I can do it! I’ve killed
things before. I pecked a little
roach thing in two the other day.
Turkie starts for the door. Nibla looks down at his Mom’s
carcass and spits on it.
NIBLA
Grandma’s recipe sucked.
Nibla wipes cake from his mouth and follows Turkie.
NIBLA
We gonna go be mean to someone?!
Turkie turns back.
TURKIE
Screw being mean. I’m nasty! I MUST
GET A COPY OF THANKSKILLING 2!
Nibla nods, buying in to his Dad’s passion.
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
Morning traffic eases past a small mom and pop grocery
store. Between the grocery and a neighboring building, is a
familiar ALLEYWAY lined with brick walls.
13.
EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY
Trash on the ground. Steam. No pedestrians.
The TATTERED PLUCKMASTER BANNER remains over top the
familiar TRASH DUMPSTER.
The dumpster moves. Something is tossed from inside. More
trash tossed into the air. Move into... the DUMPSTER.
INT. TRASH DUMPSTER - DAY
Sitting against the back wall of the dumpster, defeated, is
little YOMI. She half-heartedly tosses another piece of
trash into the air and gazes upward at
THE TORN BANNER... at the words... "Peace of Mind".
YOMI
(to herself)
I don’t see any stupid piece...
Her neon orange body is now dirty, covered in patches of
char. She wears a colorful backpack with a "MEOWMIR" LOGO on
it.
DEEP VOICE (O.S.)
Yoooomi...
YOMI
Who’s there?
A GARBAGE BAG comes to life! Big-mouthed with recessed eyes,
it looks like a talking meatball made of black plastic.
GREG GARBAGE
Why it’s me over here, Greg. Greg
Garbage that is.
As GREG speaks, vile green gas leaks from his mouth.
YOMI
Ugh.
GREG GARBAGE
Sorry ’bout that dear. Can’t expect
to have good breath when you eat
trash all day! Hubbitey now!
Yomi sits down, visibly frustrated.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14.
GREG GARBAGE
Ya seem a little blue. Or orange.
Must be lookin for your mind, are
ya?
YOMI
Yes! How’d you know?
GREG GARBAGE
Ah, when you’re unwanted you can be
quite perceptive. Come on now, I
think you’ll recognize a friend of
mine... and we just might be able
to help ya...
VOICE (O.S.)
Meeeeeeoooooowwww!
Yomi searches with her eyes. Recognizes the voice.
YOMI
Is that...?
From behind trash bags, a 2D CARTOON CAT pokes its head up.
YOMI
Meowmir!
MEOWMIR, a gay tabby cat conceivably from a children’s
cartoon, talks with a lisp and wears a rainbow t-shirt. He
is accompanied by his scraggly little friends, the WHISKER
BISCUITS, who resemble grayish brown hairballs.
MEOWMIR
Come now Yomi, follow
meeeeee...yooowww!
The world around Yomi and Greg Garbage melts into a cartoon
dominated by vibrant colors.
MORPH TO CARTOON:
EXT. SUNNY MEADOW - DAY - CARTOON SEQUENCE
Yomi spins around as she soaks in this beautiful world of
trees and rolling hills. Greg Garbage does the same. A
catchy MUSICAL TUNE becomes audible. Yomi instantly knows
it. Together, she and Meowmir sing... the MEOWMIR THEME
SONG:
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15.
MEOWMIR/YOMI
Meoooooowmir, always there in the
nip of time! Meoooooowmir, he’ll
rescue you, he’s so sublime!
MEOWMIR
(spoken)
Sing us a song Whisker Biscuits.
Get our hearts pumping! Our flaps
flapping! Take it away Clammy!
CLAMMY, a furry pink feminine Whisker Biscuit, comes to the
forefront and starts to rap.
CLAMMY
My name’s Clammy, yeah, I’m one of
the bunch. They all love me, cuz I
got carpet to munch.
PUBERT now takes over - a dorky Whisker Biscuit with
glasses.
PUBERT
Uh, the name’s Pubert, yeah, the
smart one of the lot. I’m super
duper bright cuz I don’t smoke pot.
The final Whisker Biscuit, CLITORIS CHRIS, wears a leather
jacket, looks mean, and talks gruff.
CLITORIS CHRIS
I’m Clitoris Chris, the tough one
of the gang. If you grease your
hair too, then you and me can hang.
The Whisker Biscuits come together now to dance in unison.
WHISKER BISCUITS
He’s the best, the smartest, cutest
cat around. If you’re stuck under
rubble, then you’ll be found.
Avalanche, Hurricane, Ti-dal Wave.
Nothing’s gonna stop him, cuz cats
are brave. He’s got a teency weency
nose that can sniff all the danger.
Nothing to fear, he’s our disaster
relief ranger!
Yomi is happy as can be. The music fades.
MEOWMIR
Yomi, sometimes what you’re looking
for is just a hairball away.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.
Meowmir motions to Greg Garbage who ruffles himself. He then
gags a few times over and DRY PUKES up the
THANKSKILLING 2 (TK2) DVD.
Yomi pulls TK2 from additional puked up trash. She’s
disappointed to say the least.
YOMI
This isn’t my mind.
GREG GARBAGE
Good luck Yomi!
Greg Garbage and Meowmir wave goodbye. The world slips back
to reality.
RETURN TO LIVE ACTION:
INT. TRASH DUMPSTER - DAY
Yomi holds TK2. Takes one last look.
YOMI
Hmm.
Then slides her backpack off and adds the DVD to it.
MEOWMIR/ WHISKER BISCUITS (V.O.)
Meoooooowmir, always there in the
nip of time! Meoooooowmir, he’ll
rescue you, he’s so sublime!
Yomi continues to hum as the song trails off.
An unexpected DEEPER VOICE now starts to hum the song with
her. The voice emanates from outside the dumpster.
Yomi pries herself up to get a peek--
EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY
Standing there curious is:
UNCLE DONNY, the man himself, dressed exactly the same as in
his commercials. He holds two heavy grocery bags.
YOMI
You know Meowmir?!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17.
DONNY
My son used to watch the show years
ago. How’s it go again?
YOMI
Meowwwwmir, always there in the...
DONNY
(he joins her)
...nip of time. That’s it, that’s
right.
He reminisces. Yomi looks him up and down...and giggles.
YOMI
Why do you have woman’s hair?
Donny comes back to earth.
DONNY
This isn’t no woman’s hair. It’s
human, horse, goat, and yak hair.
It’s called a wig.
YOMI
Like a wig newton?
This annoys Donny.
DONNY
No, not a wig newton. Back in the
day, if you owned one of these, it
meant you were a very powerful man.
Same rule applies today, kid.
Yomi has trouble climbing free of the dumpster. Donny sees.
DONNY
Here.
He reluctantly sets down his groceries, grabs Yomi, and
lifts her free to set her down. His posture uncomfortable.
DONNY
What the hell were you doing in
there anyway?
YOMI
(kicks some trash)
Oh, psh, I lost my mind and was
looking for it.
A PEDESTRIAN passes the alleyway, notices Donny and waves.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 18.
PEDESTRIAN
Heya! Uncle Donny!
Donny gives a little wave he’s practiced before. Yomi sees.
YOMI
Uncle Donny? Your name’s Uncle
Donny?
DONNY
It’s Donald. I suppose you have a
better name?
YOMI
Yomi.
DONNY
Yo-what?
YOMI
YO-MI!
The two grow visibly frustrated with one another.
DONNY
Okay, well Yomi, I’ve got food in
the oven and a lot of people
waiting on me... So, I’ll have to
pass on being mocked on the
streets. You might wanna take a
shower. Happy Thanksgiving.
Donny stands and leaves. That final word sticks with Yomi.
She looks down at her dirty body, left all alone.
A FLYER brushes her feet. She picks it up --
It’s an advertisement for the PLUCKMASTER 3000, featuring a
picture of UNCLE DONNY. Under his image, the same words
"Peace of Mind" appear. She turns back to the brick wall...
...and holds up the flyer to the TATTERED BANNER. It’s the
same image! She realizes she just ran into THE Uncle Donny!
EXT. CITY STREET - MOMENTS LATER
Donny walks down the sidewalk along a row of parked cars.
Another PEDESTRIAN passes and gives him a nod.
PEDESTRIAN #2
(imitating his slogan)
It will give YOU a peace of mind!
Thanksgiving for life man!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 19.
Donny forces a smile, then relinquishes.
VOICE (O.S.)
Wait, wait, Mr. Uncle Donny!!!
Donny stops, exhales, and turns around to find -- Yomi. She
followed him. With big eyes, she holds up the flyer.
YOMI
Is it true?! Do you have a piece of
my mind!?
Yomi points to the words on the flyer.
DONNY
That’s just a slogan.
Donny turns around to leave yet again.
YOMI
Well where can I find
Thanksgiving?!
DONNY
Very funny.
Yomi speaks innocently. She clearly does not actually know.
YOMI
No. Really.
DONNY
Why don’t you bother your parents
with these silly questions?
YOMI
I don’t know what they are.
DONNY
"What" they are?
Yomi does not respond. Donny looks away, then returns. He
rubs his temple and sighs.
DONNY
You say you lost your mind, huh?
YOMI
Yes, sir. Maybe it went to
Thanksgiving?
Donny finally smiles at her ignorance.
20.
INT. DONNY’S STUDEBAKER - DRIVING - DAY
Yomi sits patiently in the passenger seat. Backpack on her
lap, her arms around it. Donny drives.
DONNY
I hope you’re thinking about your
mom and dad’s phone number, cause
as soon as we get home you’re gonna
call them to come pick you up--
YOMI
I don’t have a phone number. I’m
sorry. I can get out.
Yomi reaches for the door handle - the car still moving!
DONNY
Don’t!
Yomi retracts. Donny shakes his head, perplexed.
DONNY
Are you hungry?
Yomi turns back slowly and nods her head ’yes’.
DONNY
Me too.
YOMI
You’ll take me to Thanksgiving?
DONNY
Thanksgiving isn’t a place - Well,
yet. I’m gonna change all that you
know? But yes, yes, I’ll take you
to Thanksgiving.
Donny drives on.
EXT. INDUSTRIAL PART OF TOWN - SIDEWALK - DAY
Turkie and Nibla walk on a sidewalk that runs parallel to
railroad tracks. Distant city in the background. Nibla walks
obnoxiously close to his father.
NIBLA
Dad, I’m tired. We’ve been walking
all night!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 21.
TURKIE
Shut up!
Nibla starts to bounce around.
NIBLA
I’m gonna give ’em a peck here, and
a peck there. Yeah, suck my
feathers bbbbiii--
Nibla looks to Turkie for his approval. Turkie sighs.
NIBLA
Biiiiiiiiitch!
(throws a one-two punch)
What are your moves Dad?!
TURKIE
I’m saving them for the son of a
bitch who canned my movie...
NIBLA
Oh yeah, your douchey agent Emil
called earlier. I was all like
"hello" with a deep voice and he
totally thought it was you. Haha.
TURKIE
WHAT?!
NIBLA
Yeah, anyways, turns out that
executive dude totally dropped a
huge dookie all over your movie.
Yah, apparently after they burned
it, he threw the last copy in the
trash. Dick move right?! Guess we
should just go get some pizza and
energy drinks huh?
Turkie suddenly lashes out, grabs Nibla BY THE THROAT and
pulls him dangerously close, about to snap.
NIBLA
(choking)
Daaaaaad...
Turkie strangles Nibla. Finally releases grip.
NIBLA
Jeesh Dad, you really have a temper
problem. Tommy in school said he
likes to put his hand down his
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 22.
NIBLA (cont’d)pants while being strangled. Oh! I
know Dad! This will cheer ya up!
Check out my dance! Watch! Are you
watching!?
Nibla does a little twirl.
TURKIE
(to himself)
One copy left... fuck...
He is suddenly overcome with an idea. As Nibla dances,
Turkie switches to a calm demeanor.
TURKIE
(puts on a smile)
Oh, Nibla, that’s very impressive.
Show me your best moves right over
there--
Nibla spins to the edge of the sidewalk where Turkie points.
There, he dances and sings:
NIBLA
I said BOOM, yeah, can I go
downtown? Got a little bitty beak
but a big ole di--
WHAM! Turkie KICKS Nibla into the street!
SPLAT! A CAR RUNS OVER NIBLA and splatters him across the
pavement. His body splattered into a mush of intestines. The
car keeps driving.
TURKIE
Numb nuts.
Turkie hops onto the road and stands over NIBLA’S REMAINS.
All that’s left is a grotesque pile of intestines. On top of
the entrails is a segment of his HEAD AND BEAK.
NIBLA’S BEAK miraculously talks.
NIBLA’S BEAK
Daddy. It hurts. Are there
playgrounds in heaven?
TURKIE
Yeah, yeah.
SNAP! Turkie breaks what’s left of Nibla’s neck, killing him
for good. Turkie then uses his leg to scuffle Nibla’s
intestines into one big pile.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 23.
He places a wing on the corpse and closes his eyes.
TURKIE
My blood... Find that copy. Let me
see through you!
Just then NIBLA’S SOUL zig-zags from his body. The soul
swims off into the sky.
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Donny’s dull-colored living room is small, with sparse
furniture, a television, and a sofa. Through an ARCHWAY is
the KITCHEN. Hung from the archway is a massive plastic sign
that reads -- THANKSGIVINGLAND.
Seen in the kitchen is an EIGHTY-YEAR OLD WOMAN who sits at
a large round table.
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Rustic with a checkered floor, faded wallpaper, and older
appliances. Covered by a stained tarp, an unknown GIANT
METAL MACHINE is built into a fireplace on one end.
Stretching from the machine are duct pipes that trace the
ceiling.
The old woman at the table is confined to a wheelchair and
bobs her head to music that she listens to through
headphones. Your average granny turned upside down - she
wears a giant gold chain on her neck, a gold grill, baggy
t-shirt, and untied snazzy shoes. Meet: "FLOWIS".
She shuffles songs and raps to a beat in her head.
FLOWIS
Sittin’ on 13’s, wheel chair hella
clean, I used to knit and sew but
now I’m off that BET screen--
WHAM! Her iPod is CRUSHED by a BLADED LONG PIKE!
Flowis’ fifty year old son JEFFERSON, stands at the other
side of the table. He’s dressed like a colonial security
guard and holds a PIKE that’s lodged into the table.
Flowis throws off her headphones.
FLOWIS
Tit dirt, Jefferson!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 24.
JEFFERSON
Mom, I warned you - nothing modern
allowed at the dinner table.
FLOWIS
Fine. Can I borrow your phone!?
JEFFERSON
Your not calling your boyfriend
Rodney to come "swap" you.
FLOWIS
Swoop me, foo!
Jefferson pries the pike free of the table.
JEFFERSON
Please, for once take an interest
in something I like...
FLOWIS
Why?! This ish is dumb! You and
your doofus friend Donny prancing
around in an old suit pretending to
be pilgrims or whatever. Boring!
And you look like a fucking idiot!
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Racket outside the front door.
JEFFERSON (O.S.)
This is how the head of security
dressed back then!
THE DOOR slams open - YOMI sprints in like a banshee!
YOMI
Woooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Donny rushes through the door behind her.
DONNY
Yomi! Yomi, calm down!
YOMI tears through the living room and jets into the
kitchen.
YOMI
Thanksgiiiiiivvvviinnnnggg!!!
25.
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Yomi sprints into the room - Flowis and Jefferson jump.
YOMI
Where is it--Where is it?!!!
FLOWIS
Donald! This orange midget’s
looting!
DONNY rushes into the room in a hurry to find -- Yomi, about
to dig into all the prepared food.
JEFFERSON
Security! Stop right there!
Jefferson grabs Yomi and bear hugs her away from the food.
DONNY
Jefferson! Put her down. Yomi, what
on earth--
YOMI
(panting)
Can’t I eat the pieces of my mind?
Jefferson puts Yomi down. She immediately goes crazy with
excitement again!
YOMI
Whoooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
OOOOOOOOOO!!! A loud GHOULISH MOAN is heard as NIBLA’S SOUL
streaks through the open front door and straight for Yomi!
WHOOSH! The soul swirls her once over, then goes into HER
BACKPACK. She stops dead in her tracks.
Everyone holds calm. Until...
YOMI
Whoooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Yomi takes off THE BACKPACK and haphazardly throws it across
the room -- it crashes through a stack of BILLS.
DONNY
Alright, alright, everyone.
FLOWIS
Who the hell is she?!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 26.
YOMI
Yomi. Have you seen my mind?
FLOWIS
Nope, but this will blow it--
Flowis reaches into her wheelchair pouch and removes a MIX
TAPE CD. She hocks her shit to Yomi.
FLOWIS
Track three’s dope. I call it a
diaper filla. I’ll sell it to ya
for ten green.
DONNY
Lois, leave her be...
FLOWIS
Flowis god damn it. It’s FLOWIS!
And I’ll have you know, you’re
forcing an aspiring rapper AGAINST
HER WILL to be with you bozos when
I got this mix tape to drop.
Yomi grabs a handful of potato chips.
SLICE!!! Jefferson’s LONG PIKE strikes the table, missing
Yomi’s hand by a thread!
DONNY
Shit Jefferson!
Potato chip crumbs spill out of Yomi’s unhinged mouth.
JEFFERSON
She’s stealing our food! Back then,
children got their hands cut off
for that. You want me to run
security at Thanksgivingland or
not?!
DONNY
This isn’t Thanksgivingland yet!
And you can’t just go around
long-piking kids’ hands off!
JEFFERSON
How do you expect me to do my job
then?!
YOMI
When can we go to Thanksgivingland
Uncle Donny?!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 27.
Donny shakes his head.
DONNY
It’s not even built yet.
CORNER OF THE ROOM
THE BACKPACK on the ground. It shakes from within. Suddenly
the zipper unzips itself.
JEFFERSON (O.S.)
But it’s gonna be so fuckin
awesome! Do the voice Donny! Show
her!
The THANKSKILLING 2 DVD CASE slides out on its own.
TURKIE (V.O.)
Nibla... let me see through you.
CLOSE ON TK2 -- as an ORGANIC EYEBALL grows from the face of
Turkie on the plastic case. The EYEBALL searches around like
a moving-eye painting.
EYEBALL POV:
Donny, Jefferson, and Flowis converse (muffled). Yomi is not
seen. The eyeball passes, then returns to Uncle Donny.
DONNY
Fine, fine, fine! Just to shut you
guys up. But it’s gonna be better!
TURKIE (V.O.)
THAT mother fucker has my movie!?
How I’ll cherish ripping your guts
out. Where are you Nibla!? Show me!
The perspective looks down to the spilled bills. Through a
plastic letter window an address can be seen:
DONALD MURPHY. 2736 CONN WAY STREET. NEW YORK.
EXT. INDUSTRIAL PART OF TOWN - SIDEWALK - DAY
Turkie remains kneeled over Nibla’s bloody corpse. He holds
his wing to his temple, then lowers it and stands.
Push in -- a grin comes over him.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 28.
TURKIE
Giblets.
Turkie exits.
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
DONNY spins like a circus ringleader!
DONNY
WELCOME TO THANKSGIVINGLAND!
Donny hits a light switch and a bunch of Christmas lights
turn on. Yomi smiles with excitement as Donny laughs at his
own performance. Jefferson is quite eager to jump in
himself.
JEFFERSON
There, I’ll be like a soldier, FBI
agent, CIA, US Marshall, and
Sheriff all wrapped in one. I’m the
enforcer against modern day booty!
...And instead of a golf cart or
segway, I’ll drive a horse and
buggy.
Flowis wheels up to the table. Yomi eyes her wardrobe.
YOMI
Is this how people dress at
Thanksgivingland?
JEFFERSON
Certainly not. That’s just how my
senile mother dresses everyday.
Jefferson grabs her wheelchair to push it--
FLOWIS
One more word and you’ll be drinkin
a catheter milkshake.
THE WHEEL of Flowis’ wheelchair gets caught on the tarp
covering the rusted contraption. She wheels forward and rips
the tarp off of--
The PLUCKMASTER ONE - an obsolete model build of scrap
metal. It’s as big as an airport x-ray scanner, only much
dirtier. It seems to be infused into the piping systems of
the house and the fireplace itself. Under the ejecting
conveyor, a basket sits with a mechanized arm connected to
the window sill.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 29.
Yomi gazes at the machine in wonder. Donny picks up the tarp
and re-covers it. Flowis and Jefferson remain quiet.
YOMI
Whoa...
DONNY
Don’t worry about that, help me get
these pies out of the oven.
Yomi hops down from the table and searches the machine. She
lifts up and removes part of the tarp again.
YOMI
(disappointed)
The oven? This thing looks like the
oven...
DONNY
(put off)
It’s not.
YOMI
Well why not?
DONNY
Oven is hotter. More traditional.
Yomi finds a LEVER build into the machine and eyes it.
YOMI
But not nearly as fun. Can I pull
this lever?
DONNY
No Yomi.
YOMI
Whats it do?!
Donny snaps - completely collapses into a fit of rage.
DONNY
DO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU GET HOME
OR NOT?! Quit asking me questions.
I’m not pestering you about your
life...
The room is silenced. Donny’s wig has come loose a little.
Sweating, he turns his back to the counter, where he mumbles
before picking up a hot PIE from the counter--
DONNY is suddenly hit with pain. He looks down -- THE PIE
has come alive, grown a mouth, and chews on his hand!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 30.
Donny rips the pie off and it lands on the floor. THE PIE,
whose crust holes form SMALL EVIL EYES, snaps violently at
Yomi. The pie speaks in a distorted, demonic voice.
PIE
GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME!
It chomps toward her, until it’s violently STABBED by
Jefferson’s pike! Jefferson raises the pie with his staff.
JEFFERSON
By god...
Suddenly -- Flowis grabs the pike and pulls it to her. She
holds a CAN of whipped cream.
FLOWIS
Suck my big black nozzle, homie!
She shoves the NOZZLE of the can into the pie’s mouth -- the
pie inflates and--
VIOLENTLY EXPLODES.
Crust and filling ejected throughout the room. The gang
wipes themselves clean.
YOMI
Aw, gross! What was that thing?
BOOM! - The oven door is KICKED OFF THE HINGES - launched
across the room and dents the wall on the other side!
Everyone turns their attention --
TURKIE STANDS INSIDE THE OVEN!
TURKIE
THANKSGIVING JUST GOT FUCKED!
Jefferson steps forward and slams his pike down!
JEFFERSON
Halt!
TURKIE
What is it they say? A bird in the
hand is worth two... in your mom’s
bush! Hahahaha!
FLOWIS
Consider your ass capped!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 31.
JEFFERSON
We’re cursed! It’s because of YOU!
(points to Yomi)
YOU ate before we said grace!
Turkie quickly grabs a spilled bowl of mashed potatoes. He
slurps them down and charges Jefferson!
Then climbs up Jefferson’s body and looks him in the eyes.
TURKIE
Puke a boo.
TURKIE VOMITS pasty white potato substance all over
Jefferson’s face -- his forehead starts to steam!
Donny gets in front of Yomi and shields her.
JEFFERSON’S HEAD sizzles and melts as he screams in agony.
His flesh and eyeballs drip off his face until only a
bloody, gooey skull remains.
Jefferson’s dead body falls -- Turkie surfs him to the
ground.
TURKIE
Looks like he just quit life - COLD
TURKEY!
Yomi peeks out from behind Donny’s legs. It is now that
Turkie sees her for the first time. He takes a step back, a
bit jarred by her presence. As if he recognizes her.
TURKIE
You...
YOMI
Me?
Yomi points to herself as Turkie grows in fear.
TURKIE
Where is it?!
FLOWIS
(rapping)
A mean fuckin’ turkeys in the house
tonight. I don’t know what to do, I
don’t know what’s right--
Turkie darts his eyes, finally sees THE DVD CASE squirming
on the ground by Yomi’s backpack. Donny sees this as well.
Turkie concentrates.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 32.
THE CASE starts to bulge and expand. It TRANSFORMS into a
living, breathing plastic case. And then--
MECHA-TURKIE’S FACE on the cover pulls itself from the
plastic. The tiny head is alive - it gasps for air. And
heard is a familiar child’s voice, only in a plastic case:
NIBLA
Dad? You came back for me?
YOMI
He can talk, he can talk!
DONNY
I think I’ve lost my mind too.
TURKIE
(to DVD case)
Nibla. Son. Come here.
Nibla (mini Mecha-Turkie) peers around at everyone starring
down at him like a newborn baby.
NIBLA
What’s the matter with me? Why’s
everyone staring at me?
Nibla looks at his own body - a DVD CASE - and freaks out.
NIBLA
Daddy! What’s happened?! I feel
weird. Like I’m all depressed.
TURKIE
Pull it together Nibla! Now get
your ass over here, pronto!
(looks to Yomi)
You stay away from me!
Nibla bounces over to Turkie and he snatches up the case.
TURKIE
That’ll be all, you fupa lickers.
Now, the world is MINE!!!
WHOOSH! THE PANTRY DOOR bursts open, exposing an endless
void. Teal light flares as wind swirls throughout the room.
NIBLA is sucked FROM TURKIE’S HANDS and soars into the
pantry void.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 33.
NIBLA
(flying away)
Whhhhhhooooaaaaaaa!!!!
In all the chaos, a PROPHETIC ELDERLY VOICE echoes.
PROPHETIC VOICE (V.O.)
In here! Hurry. The pantry!
TURKIE
(realization)
Oh no... No!!!
Donny, Flowis, and Yomi look towards the pantry as light
swirls. TURKIE CHARGES THEM, ANGRIER THAN EVER!
DONNY
Follow that random voice!
Yomi hops onto Flowis’ lap as Donny wheels her into the
pantry! Turkie is nearly there--
TURKIE
Noooooooooo!
--the pantry door SLAMS CLOSED on its own and seals with a
neon blue outline. Turkie is trapped inside the kitchen.
TURKIE
Fuuuuuuuuck! Fuck! Fuck!
TURKIE’S WING FIST POUNDS ON THE DOOR!
EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY
A BIG BLACK METAL BUTT stares us down.
Muff is bent over in an alleyway with Rhonda curled up on a
windowsill and her face close to his butt.
RHONDA WORM
God dammit Muff, you’ve gotta wipe
better back here.
MUFF
MMMRRRWWWYYY.
RHONDA WORM
Sorry doesn’t cut it when you’re
starring down an astro dingle
berry.
(she removes a corded phone
from a butt cheek on Muff)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 34.
First thing I’m doing when we get
back to space is upgrading your
communication device.
Rhonda presses a few buttons on the phone.
INT. DIRT TUNNEL - SPACE - NIGHT
We are in a tiny little dirt lair modeled into a make shift
computer lab with wires, blinking lights, and gizmos all
over.
A phone rings. A chair spins toward us, revealing NERD WORM,
a worm similar to Rhonda only all nerded out.
NERD WORM
Eh, yello?
INTERCUT BETWEEN NERD WORM AND RHONDA WORM
RHONDA WORM
Oh hiya Nerd Worm, it’s Rhonda! How
are the kids?
NERD WORM
I don’t have kids.
RHONDA WORM
Right, just making conversation.
Anyways... I have a flavor to ask?
NERD WORM
Vanilla.
RHONDA WORM
Wait, what?
NERD WORM
You asked about a flavor.
RHONDA WORM
God dammit, I’d eat your chocolate
right now if I could. So in all
seriousness-ness-ness, I need you
to track something for me.
NERD WORM
Alright, let me just fire up my
advanced satellite object tracker.
Should take just a minute. Done.
Okay, go.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 35.
RHONDA
Muff, record this...
EXT. THE FEATHERWORLD - NIGHT
Darkness.
FADE IN:
Endless, thick fog.
YOMI (O.S.)
Maybe my mind’s out here! These
woods are cool. Yeah, maybe my mind
agrees.
DONNY (O.S.)
Sure Yomi...
SLOW MOTION:
YOMI EMERGES through a colorful mist,
seated on Flowis’ lap. Donny wheels her. Our heroes have
found themselves in a strange misty void of sparse trees and
shrubbery. The ground is of dirt.
FLOWIS
(rapping)
He’s gone away, security in heaven.
Son is the word cuz son got killed
by a bird. To God he goes,
colonial... toes. Uh, I’ll miss you
Jefferson, the flows don’t stop.
DONNY
Lois, are you rapping a eulogy?
FLOWIS
Bro, I’ll rap whatever I god damn
feel like. Even if the stage is
some
(screams)
STUPID ASS HIPPY FOREST!
YOMI
Could you teach me how to rap?
Flowis winks, fist pounds Yomi, then continues her rant.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 36.
FLOWIS
You nukas is jokin right?! Pushing
me out to your backyard, eh? Gonna
try and silence me? My raps too
good for ya? Ahhh, that’s it! A
conspiracy to stop Flowis from
hittin the scene. Well lemme tell
ya, I laugh not wit cha, but at--
DONNY
Flowis! This isn’t my backyard...
Flowis mimes Donny. Yomi looks around with her hand over her
eyebrows. SOMETHING SWISHES BY in the fog.
DONNY
What was that!?
YOMI
Miiiiinnnd!? Miiiiinnnd?! Something
moved, I swear I saw it.
FLOWIS
Good. We can feed the quaker oat
man behind me to it.
DONNY
Shh.
Donny peers into the darkness. Then, behind flowis, NIBLA
(TK2 DVD) rises up and opens his beak.
YOMI
Flowis!
NIBLA
Ahhhhhhh!
Flowis grabs Nibla and shakes him senseless.
FLOWIS
You toe slobberin fetal fuck!
NIBLA
Stop!!! Stop!!!
Flowis throws Nibla to the ground.
NIBLA
(demonic voice)
You’re all dead already. Once you
watch me, you’re doooooomed!
(Nibla’s normal voice)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 37.
NIBLA (cont’d)
I- I don’t know what’s happening! I
feel so empty... so tired.
Yomi hops down and picks up the DVD.
YOMI
It’s okay...
Nibla snaps at her! Yomi immediately drops it!
DONNY
Get away Yomi!
NIBLA
I’m sorry. I’m not myself!
The PROPHETIC VOICE emerges once again.
PROPHETIC VOICE (O.S.)
Stop it!
Floating through the mist is a HAGGARD OLD CREATURE dressed
in rags and a cloak. As the apparition draws near, we see
it’s a wrinkled old turkey with a beard and cane. At the top
of his cane is a GLASS ORB. This is WISETURKIE.
DONNY
This is some strong fucking
triptophin.
WISETURKIE
Asleep, you are not. You’re at the
gates of the FeatherWorld, a
peaceful afterlife for turkeys.
NIBLA
(demonic)
Peace, schmeace! My Dad is our
leader! Hell on earth is where it’s
at!
(normal voice)
That’s not me! I’m not an angry
kid, I swear!
WISETURKIE
Quiet you wretched abomination! I’m
your friend, and I’ve brought you
here to help. I am a WiseTurkie,
one of the--
Yomi steps out of the fog next to Flowis.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 38.
WISETURKIE (CONT.)
--By Giblet, look at that. What is
your given name?
YOMI
Yomi.
NIBLA
(to himself)
More like Yo-pee. Pee on your face.
WISETURKIE
Come forward Yomi.
Yomi slowly approaches WiseTurkie who circles her to get a
closer look. He’s amazed, as if viewing an artifact.
WISETURKIE
You’re quite, quite special dear.
It’s been ages...
YOMI
You know who I am? Can you help me
find my mind?! Without it... I, I
can’t remember--
WISETURKIE
I understand. But you’re from a
land where planes and ships and
aliens cannot reach, so I’m afraid
not. If you’re on Earth, someone
believes in you a great deal.
DONNY
Hey man, this is great and all, but
what’s up with the shit in my
kitchen?!
WISETURKEY
Hundreds of years ago, WiseTurkeys,
like myself, guarded the land.
Members of the Featheren, we
prospered, all as one... Before the
hunting, the plucking, and the
stuffing plagued us...
THE ORB on WiseTurkey’s staff swirls with colors.
CLOSE ON - THE ORB as we see glimpses of the past.
Christopher Columbus’ ships arrive via ocean, the first
Thanksgiving, etc.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 39.
WISETURKEY
With THANKSGIVING came the great
beheading of our kind. Those
turkeys who accepted their fate...
lived on, here, in the
FeatherWorld. But there were those
who chose anger and REVENGE against
the human race. It was this hatred
that spawned the most evil of them
all - a devil turkey, spellbound by
an ancient Native American curse...
Once a WiseTurkie himself, the evil
one remains the last of our kind,
still living today. He goes simply
by "Turkie". And he’s in your
kitchen.
YOMI
But he knew who I was.
WISETURKIE
Only because he’s as old as I.
Yomi... you’re of an ancient
species with unique ideals. Your
body may be fragile, but the
strength inside is immeasurable.
Your culture believes in a
significant right of passage. We’ve
only heard of a select few
journeying to Earth, the hardest
test of the soul. With each
instance, miracles happened on our
planet. I can only assume... great
things will come with your
presence. But I won’t disrupt your
destiny, Yomi.
The WiseTurkie sympathetically reaches inside his cloak and
removes a WISHBONE, still intact. He offers it to Yomi. She
takes it and he lays a wing on it as one final blessing.
WISETURKIE
Take this. Let it guide you.
(to Donny)
My friend, join me.
Donny hesitantly steps forward and stands over top
WiseTurkie. He looks around, not sure how to address the
bird, then finally kneels down to face him like a God.
DONNY
Hi.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 40.
WISETURKEY
Stay by her side. There’s something
peculiar about your angry little
friend there...
(points to Nibla)
For whatever reason I do not know.
But Turkie seems to be after it at
all costs. Trust me, he’d kill
anyone in his path. Protect her. At
all costs.
Donny is quiet. WiseTurkie pats his frail wing on Donny’s
knee. He then turns to Flowis.
FLOWIS
Hey! Bird! Listen, you got any
magical rapper advice from above?
Could use some inspiration...
WISETURKEY
I’m sorry about your loss.
The ground rumbles and WISETURKIE’S GREEN APPARITION zaps in
and out.
YOMI
Come with us!
WISETURKIE
Sorry. I don’t have long.
YOMI
(holding the wishbone)
Wait! What do I do with this?
NIBLA
Stick it up your ass!
WISETURKIE
(glares at Nibla)
It’s the one thing Turkie lacks...
Yomi looks at the wishbone as WiseTurkie sputters and fades
into the darkness.
WISETURKIE (V.O.)
Follow the wishbone... and you’ll
find your mind...
Yomi, Donny, Flowis, and Nibla are left sitting in darkness.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 41.
YOMI
(to herself)
Follow the wishbone...
FLOWIS
That old dude was kinda cute.
The ground shake and suddenly a BRIGHT LIGHT flashes.
DONNY
Yomi!
Donny kneels as Yomi confronts him. The world around them
shakes like a surreal earthquake.
DONNY
I yelled at you earlier and I’m
sorry. I didn’t mean that I
wouldn’t help you. You’ve caught me
at a rough time, Yomi. I understand
you more than you know.
The rumble gets more and more intense.
Donny scoops up Yomi, holds her like a child in his arms.
The light overcomes them. Nibla shakes on Flowis’ lap and
closes its eyes. Flowis raises her arms like on a roller
coaster.
FLOWIS
Woooooo hooooooo!
Our heroes are ABSORBED IN LIGHT.
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - PANTRY (HAUNTED) - NIGHT
As the overpowering light flares down, the gang finds
themselves back in the pantry, severely darkened...
Nibla has his eyes closed like a scaredy cat.
NIBLA
Is it over?
As they regain their whereabouts, they quickly see this is
no ordinary pantry. It’s now covered in cobwebs, dirty, and
splashed with eerie red light.
It takes a second to regain their whereabouts. Donny looks
at Yomi in his arms.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 42.
DONNY
You okay?
Yomi nods, a bit exasperated.
TURKIE (V.O.)
Welcome back... You’re in my world
now... Give me what I want...
NIBLA
Daa--
NIBLA cries for help but Flowis is quick to cover his mouth.
FLOWIS
Can it. What’s so special ’bout you
anyways?
DONNY
(shouts to kitchen)
You can have your disc if you let
us go!
Just then, the pantry doors creak open on their own. Exposed
is THE KITCHEN -- haunted, and in similar disarray.
INT. DONNYS HOUSE - KITCHEN (HAUNTED) - NIGHT
As the gang steps into the kitchen, we see it’s much darker
and more sinister. Cobwebs. A cool breeze. Roots and
branches trace the ceiling. The place has become run-down
and gothic.
FLOWIS
Damn Donald... your place could be
on "Tales from the cribbs".
YOMI
He has my mind, I know it.
TURKIE (V.O.)
Having one’s mind and controlling
it is the same thing is it not?
Splashes of light shine down in areas of the room. The
spotlight illuminates a PERSON on a chopping block. Donny is
surprised to see it’s the SAME PEDESTRIAN from in town.
Stepping from shadows is a MASSIVE TURKEY that wields an ax
above and slices the head off!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 43.
TURKIE (V.O.)
How does looking through my eyes
feel? This is how I LIVE! Brothers
and sisters murdered in front of
me. Do you know what it’s like to
witness massacre on this scale?!
Centuries have passed, but it ends
today...
Flowis sees JEFFERSON’S SKULL BODY crawl along the floor,
ripped in half. His gaping wound leaks STUFFING, not blood.
TURKIE (V.O.)
It was a year ago I decided to
strike back! I’m no actor, but I
can recognize an opportunity. So I
went to space. And I cursed my
performance in ThanksKilling 2. A
performance so mezmorizing, so
morbid, audiences won’t be able to
take their eyes off me.
Yomi sees GREG GARBAGE and MEOWMIR burning in the oven.
Nibla stares at the haunting images. His excitement fades to
a look of disapproval.
TURKIE (V.O.)
And then we end it where it all
began. Plymouth Rock. The curse
will send every viewer there, where
I’ll have my own undead army of
turkeys - the SKELETURKEYS -
waiting. We’ll not only own the
forest, but the entire planet.
Earth shall be ours, and humans
shall fall to me!
DONNY
He needs everyone to see the
movie... We have to destroy it
then!
SHING! FEATHERS pierce through Flowis’ chest. The Wing grabs
the DVD and pulls it INTO her chest, then ripping it out the
other side. Turkie stands behind her wheelchair where he
ripped open her back. He now holds Nibla DVD.
NIBLA
Dad, I feel... empty. Is playdough
toxic cause I just want to eat a
lot and go to sleep forever.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 44.
TURKIE
Quiet!
(finishes his moment)
BEND OVER HUMANITY - YOUR ASSES ARE
MINE, AND WE’RE GONNA STUFF THE
HELL OUT OF THEM!
KA-BOOM!!!! The kitchen wall EXPLODES!!!
FIRE and LASER roar into the room.
Everyone hits the deck. Nibla slides across the floor.
TURKIE ruffles his feathers covered in drywall dust. He
looks a gaping hole in the wall where a dark figure stands--
PUSH IN ON -- MUFF as he steps into the light, RHONDA WORM
curled up on his shoulder. She squints her eyes.
RHONDA WORM
Looks like early worm got the bird!
Turkie jumps up and snaps.
TURKIE
Rhonda Worm! Hos do always come
back for seconds, huh?! And I see
you brought your tard friend.
MUFF
MMMMHHHH!!!
MUFF’S CANNON ARM primes... the barrel glows blue! Turkie’s
eyes widen!
Like an electro-sneeze, the CANNON pulsates a BLUE LASER
that strikes the ground right in front of Turkie.
NIBLA
Dad!!!
Turkie soars onto the conveyor belt of the PluckMaster One.
There he hacks and coughs.
RHONDA WORM
That’s it Muffey!
TURKIE
(sensing defeat)
Rhonda! Help me now and the
planet’s ours. Together again.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 45.
NIBLA
The pluckmaster... Dad, it’s just
like my toy!
Donny looks over to THE LEVER on the PluckMaster and nods to
Yomi. Yomi quietly crawls for it.
RHONDA WORM
You told me you loved me! But I
guess that was just pillow talk.
TURKIE
You’re still my worm and only,
baby.
RHONDA WORM
Don’t call me what I birthed! This
worm was pregnant! With your child!
NIBLA
I have a brother?!
RHONDA WORM
...But I had a miscarriage.
TURKIE
(sad)
You what...?
Donny glares in that direction. But he’s not looking at
Turkie. His eyes are set on the machine itself.
DONNY
Fuck you.
Donny grabs the lever and pulls with all his might -- it
won’t budge! He tries again. No use. At the last second Yomi
grabs hold as well and lends a hand.
YOMI
(smiling in self-awareness)
You gotta set your mind to it
Donny!
The two pull together -- THE LEVER ENGAGES! WOMP-WOMP-WOMP!
The PLUCKMASTER ONE starts up. Thick black smoke erupts!
Donny grabs Yomi and pulls her back. He’s surprised himself.
DONNY
It still works...
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 46.
The duct work on the ceiling rumbles, drizzling dust down on
the room. This thing obviously hasn’t been fired up for some
time. The conveyor belt churns!
Turkie spills backwards.
TURKIE
What the--?!
He’s jerked as his feet get caught inside! Turkie
desperately tries to pull himself free.
TURKIE
Rhonda, no! Help me!
Muff steps forward - Rhonda stares Turkie down.
RHONDA WORM
I hope you burn in hell and your
skin sizzles so bad you get...
THIRD DEGREE WORMS!
Rhonda smiles and turns to Yomi, Donny, and Flowis for a
reaction as if giving a stand up bit. No one laughs.
TURKIE
Noooooooooo!!!!
Turkie is excruciatingly pulled slowly into the PluckMaster
and chewed up like a malfunctioning meat grinder.
INT. PLUCKMASTER - NIGHT
The shoddy inner workings of the machine itself --
engineered with loose screws, rusted knives, and
blow-torches.
Turkie is pulled on the conveyor belt through hell.
TURKIE
FUUUUUCCCCKKKK!
RUSTED KNIVES slice his body. METAL HANDS pluck the feathers
from his flesh. Coming at him from every direction, they’re
impossible for him to fend off.
FLAMES erupt from metal grates ahead as TURKIE’S BODY is
scorched! TURKIE IS KILLED -- RIPPED TO PIECES.
47.
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - KITCHEN (HAUNTED) - NIGHT
BLOOD CURDLING SCREAMS inside the archaic machine.
Rhonda looks around awkwardly as Turkie continues to howl in
pain. The torture goes on a tad too long...
From the other end of the conveyor -- Turkie - or what’s
left of him - arrives, badly mangled and lifeless.
THE BASKET rises up on the mechanized arm. Turkie’s carcass
splats into the basket. It spring-loads and KER-CHING
catapults him out the window...
EXT. DONNY’S HOUSE - GARDEN - NIGHT
...TURKIE’S CARCASS soars onto a foggy bank of overgrown
grass. The plot of land is surrounded by a run-down picket
fence and piles of unwanted junk metal.
This hasn’t been a proper garden for a few years now.
Turkie is badly mangled as we see him in full. His tail span
barely remains and large areas of his body have been plucked
and bleed badly. Parts of his skull exposed.
He lays there beaten and motionless.
Beyond his carcass are LITTLE BONES and RIB CAGES dispersed
around the mounds. He’s not the first bird to endure this...
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - KITCHEN (HAUNTED) - NIGHT
Rhonda and Muff turn back from the PluckMaster as it steams
off its overhaul of work.
Donny looks around the room--
DONNY
Flowis?!
He finds Flowis - still in her wheelchair, covered in
drywall dust, and rummaging through a drawer in the kitchen.
YOMI
Flowis! Are you alright?
FLOWIS
Fuck yeah bitches! At this age,
I’ve had a dozen surgeries. Make
that thirteen. Great part is I
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 48.
FLOWIS (cont’d)think he removed a kidney stone in
the process.
Flowis finds duct tape and tapes her guts in. Donny takes
his large colonial coat off, leaving him in only suspenders
and a t-shirt -- a glimpse of the real man, Donald, inside.
An average guy with a gut, chest hair, and pit stains.
RHONDA WORM
Hiya, I’m Rhonda Worm. Earth worm
from space. Obliged to meet ya all.
YOMI
Hi miss worm.
DONNY
I’m Donny. Welcome back to Earth.
Next time please use the fucking
door.
FLOWIS
Flowis. Represent. Ya’ll got any
good soap operas in space?
RHONDA WORM
I’ve wormed my way around a few.
Done some good shit actually...
Well... Also ate some shit.
Literally. Lately I’ve capitalized
on the need for adult films up
north.
MUFF
MMMMMMMMMM.
RHONDA WORM
Yes, I know. Fine! "Girth Worm 6"
was where we met. But lets not
bring that up again please.
Rhonda nods at them.
NIBLA
You killed my Dad! I hate you worm!
RHONDA WORM
You’re Dad thinks he’s a God and
he’s willing to blow up the world
to prove it. I’m here to stop that.
Rhonda now takes charge like a general debriefing her army.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 49.
RHONDA WORM (CONT.)
Very well then. As you know, he’s
evil. He placed a curse on the
movie from space, where it was
filmed. One hot steamy spacey
night... well... lets just say this
worm likes to squirm, if you catch
my...
(Rhonda lets out a HUGE FART)
...drift whiff. Anydoo, after a
hardcore sesh of worm style, double
wormitration, and cattle worm, he
spilled his entire plan to me. Week
goes by and one day on set, there
just happened to be a bunch of
pregnancy tests in the ladies room.
As Muff here - say hello to the
nice people Muff--
(Muff gives an awkward wave
hello)
--As Muff here held me over the
toilet, some of my tinkle sprayed
off course and lit up the stack of
tests. Became one big pile of pink
Popsicle sticks! Everyone on the
crew was getting knocked up in
space, I mean it was THE thing to
do. So I decided to keep it, but
not tell Turkie. Then after we
wrapped, I had a miscarriage. It
was a horrible, cold, lonely time
in my life. Reminds me of the time
my poor uncle died of... WORMINAL
CANCER!!!
Rhonda’s little tongue hangs out after her punch line that
no one laughs at. She gets serious again--
RHONDA WORM
We have to destroy it... him...
(points to Nibla)
In space, where it was cursed.
NIBLA
What?! You’re going to kill me?!
YOMI
Well where’s space?
FLOWIS
Shit yeah playas, let’s get ta
space...
(raps on the fly)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 50.
FLOWIS (cont’d)...mace, spray that cream on my
face. No perms, no worms, no
sperms, got a fat ass dickie ready
for a hickie. Any rappers spit fire
like that on jupiter?
RHONDA WORM
No. We aint goin’ to space. My
personal body guard here, big
Muffy-poo... He hates it when I
call him that...
MUFF
Mmmmeeewwooo.
RHONDA WORM
...Well he can launch that sucker
up there in no time and we’ll be on
our way and outta youns’ hair...
just in time to catch the last
episode of cWORMinal minds!
Rhonda looks around for a reaction but gets nothing.
RHONDA WORM (CONT.)
No? Anyone? Well anyways, Muff dear
let’s get to work...
Rhonda and Muff get to business. Muff stands next to the
table and with his good hand, twists the end of his cannon.
A SMALLER TUBE PORTION of the cannon twists off and Muff
sits the hollow cylinder on the table. It exposes a small
keypad that Muff hits buttons on.
DONNY
How’s this work?
RHONDA WORM
It’s simple. We vaporize him and
beam the particles up to space in a
vortex.
NIBLA
VAPORIZE!!!
YOMI
It’s okay, I’m sure it’s not as bad
as it sounds--
BBBBBSSSSSSS!!! Muff’s CYLINDER on the table creates a
glowing aural orb that domes the device. Slowly, a colorful
vortex swirls the room.
51.
As Muff presses some buttons, we move over to the KITCHEN
WINDOW that turkey was ejected out of...
EXT. DONNY’S HOUSE - GARDEN - NIGHT
Fog hangs low over TURKIE’S CARCASS. His mangled head moves
ever so slightly.
TURKIE
Uuuggghhh.
The bloody cow-pie of a monster uses his one good wing to
crawl towards the mossy mound next to him. He places his
wing on the mound.
TURKIE
(blood-garbled)
I need you all sooner than
expected... Heeeelllppp meeee....
Move in on -- the grassy mound.
EXT. DONNY’S HOUSE - ESTABLISHING - NIGHT
The sky swirls as clouds move overhead. The setting grows
darker and more sinister.
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - KITCHEN (HAUNTED) - NIGHT
The sci-fi scene continues to grow more intense. Colored
mist and violent gusts twist and turn around the kitchen.
The gang looks around confused as to what’s going on.
Yomi hides behind Donny’s legs but takes a peak at the
action. Rhonda Worm is now seated on the table by the
device.
RHONDA WORM
Alright, give him to me.
Muff sits Nibla down on the table.
RHONDA
Your ass is about to be fried.
NIBLA
Please, speed this up. I just want
it all to end. Oh God, whoah is me.
I’m depressed arn’t I?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 52.
RHONDA WORM
Well kid, you’ve inhabited the body
of a loser. From day one, you’ve
been called a "peice of shit", and
worst yet you were practically
aborted. It’s no wonder you’re
depressed.
Nibla weeps like a blubbering fool.
RHONDA
Giddyup now Muff. Step two - that’s
all you darling.
Muff presses a button on the beam cylinder.
FLOWIS
Well damn! I just might have to
change my diaper.
The other-worldly oral beam shoots up and rips a hole in the
ceiling. Small pieces of debris tear away from the roof and
get vaporized by the vivid ray of light.
NIBLA
Is this gonna hurt worse than a
shot?!
Muff’s eyes glow white as if in a trance.
EXT. DONNY’S HOUSE - NIGHT
The warm glow stemming from Donny’s house is nothing more
than an orange spec in the distance. The vertical beam of
light rises up past the house’s roof, towards the stars.
EXT. DONNY’S HOUSE - GARDEN - NIGHT
Turkie’s devastated head looks to the sky to see THE
COLORFUL BEAM. His wing remains on the dirt mounds.
TURKIE
(blood-garbled)
My SkeleTurkeys... come to me...
Suddenly--
A CADAVEROUS WING sprouts up through the mound of soil. The
rest of the body follows suit and out surfaces a --
SKELETURKIE - living bone and flesh, it’s body is badly
decayed. It’s eyes evil and beak sharp and deadly.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 53.
BOOM! ANOTHER WING emerges. AND ANOTHER! A few more
SkeleTurkies erupt from the ground and rise from the dead.
As ordered, they approach Turkie, barely breathing.
TURKIE
(coughing and hacking)
Re-build me...
One of the SkeleTurkies speaks up. He has a nasally and
high-pitched speech.
SKELETURKIE
Right away ma’am!
SKELETURKIE 2
Um, Byron, come here please...
Byron SkeleTurkie hops closer. SLICE! The other SkeleTurkie
slices across his chest, shattering his body to bone and
dust.
SKELETURKIE
That is no woman! He is our leader,
the most powerful creature on
Earth!
The other SkeleTurkeys promptly grab pieces of turkey flesh
from the ejected PluckMaster waste. The SkeleTurkies
communicate in high pitched mousy sounds but not coherently.
SQUISH - A leg is shoved into Turkie’s socket.
THWACK - Feathers are poked into his body.
Slowly but surely, they re-assemble Turkie. In doing so, he
becomes more horrific than we’ve ever seen him:
His jawbone exposed, one of his eyes bloodshot and slightly
protruding, his beak cracked down the middle, flesh
crumbling off his face.
CLOSE IN ON a pile of scrap junk. One peice of waste seems
constructed -- TURKIE’S WING REACHES FOR THE DEVICE -- a
hand-sized homemade rusted chainsaw with the word "CHAIN
CARVER" etched into the side.
Turkie stands up gingerly, rips the cord to start the Chain
Carver, and we push into his horrific appearance.
TURKIE
Gravy, baby.
Off his menacing look--
54.
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - HAUNTED KITCHEN - NIGHT
Back in the kitchen, Yomi takes a better look at the hole in
the roof. The opening is now filled by what looks like a
slow churning neon hurricane.
YOMI
(entranced)
Whoah...
Rhonda turns to Nibla, who stares up into the abyss.
RHONDA
Once it’s fully charged, we’ll send
you back to the undigested star
corn anals of poopy space.
Donny wraps a bandage on his hand and turns to Rhonda to see
her gazing at the spectacle.
RHONDA
Reminds me of the time that Marvo
Dewmeister ran for president of
planet Sclaxelgraf. He was a great
leader, but unfortunately never got
re-elected for a second...WORM!
Donny explodes--
DONNY
Alright! Enough! Enough of the god
damn worm puns! Seriously, give it
up alWORMy! AW, FUCK!!!!
Rhonda bites her lip, offended and scared. Donny kicks a
chair as he stands back against the wall--
BBBZZZZZZZZ!
A MINI CHAINSAW chews through the wall and slices Donny’s
ankle. He falls. THE CHAINSAW carves out a large mouse hole.
TURKIE ENTERS.
TURKIE
Squeak, squeak, where’s the
cheese!?
RHONDA
Hold tight Muff!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 55.
NIBLA
Oh, Dad looks pissed.
Turkey frowns and charges into the room, followed by half a
dozen SkeleTurkies.
FLOWIS
Bring it on baby!
Turkie hops up onto Flowis’ lap and revs the ChainCarver
right into her gut.
FLOWIS
Ahhhhhh!
Turkie saws her wide open as blood sprays everywhere.
TURKIE
Hahahahahahahahahaha! I’m gonna
carve you open and rip out your
giblets!
Muff freaks out like a big dog which causes the Vortex to
shut down. He aims his cannon at the SkeleTurkies - THE
CANNON’S TIP GLOWS AS IT CHARGES --
SKELETURKIE
Uh oh.
KA-BOOM! Muff fires and blows the SkeleTurkie to dust.
DONNY
Watch out!
Yomi backs away from two SkeleTurkies, then hits the deck!
BOOM! THEY EXPLODE TO DUST!
He now starts to blast clumsily all over the room. He hits
another SkeleTurkie and blows it to shreds. Turkey bones go
flying everywhere as he starts to wreak havoc in the
kitchen.
Turkie runs past the cupboards as LASERS DECIMATE THE WALL
BEHIND HIM.
RHONDA
Lower you gun you big dopey goon!
Muff obeys and calms down for a quick moment. This allows
Rhonda to jump on to the tip of the cannon. She acts like a
war general pointing at what to shoot at.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 56.
RHONDA
Over there!
Muff whips around and fires where Rhonda points.
BOOM!
SkeleTurkie pulverized.
TURKIE
God damn it!
RHONDA WORM
Good work Muffey. THERE!
BLAM!
Muff blasts yet another SkeleTurkie. The rest of the gang is
preoccupied with avoiding getting hit by the flurry of canon
blasts that wreck the room.
One of Muff’s many shots hits the kitchen table and knocks
Nibla to the ground.
Yomi sees Nibla unattended -- makes a mad dash for it, as
does Turkie.
-- Donny fends off the two pesky SkeleTurkies that remain.
-- Yomi slide-dives under some debris and reaches Nibla just
as --
TURKIE’S MANGLED LEG steps on Yomi’s arm. Yomi screams and
looks up at Turkie, terrified. Turkie has been waiting for
this moment...
TURKIE
You fucked with the wrong bird, you
LITTLE BITCH!
YOMI
NNOOOOO!!!
Turkie raises his sharp wing and uses it as an axe to CHOP
OFF YOMI’S ARM BELOW THE ELBOW.
Yomi lets out a blood curdling scream. Donny avoids another
SkeleTurkie in an attempt to save her--
Yomi continues to scream as she pulls her arm away, STUFFING
RIPPING from her hand that Turkie now holds.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 57.
TURKIE
You just got... UN-stuffed!
Turkie wrestles Nibla away from her stiff fleece hand and
gestures toward the oven -- a DIRT TUNNEL is carved through
the back that disappears into darkness. An ominous red light
emanates from it.
Turkie hops up into the dirt tunnel with Nibla in hand. He
turns around to face the gang one last time.
TURKIE
So long suckers!
NIBLA
Gobble, Gobble, poopfaces. Like
father like son.
(sticks his tongue out)
Ppppppppp.
Turkie vanishes down the tunnel.
Donny, Yomi, Muff, and Rhonda sit completely exhausted.
Flowis’ gory carcass lies on the floor next to Jefferson’s
remains. Mom and son gruesomely reunited.
DONNY
Great!! Just bloody great. Two dead
bodies in my kitchen. Count them.
One. Two. And for what?! For what!!
Nothing! Zilch. We’re gonna get
stuffed to death by that goddamn
turkey. We’re all gonna die a
horrible, painful -
SMACK!
A small whip comes out of nowhere and slaps Donny in the
face.
Donny holds his face like a shocked child that just got
spanked by his parents.
RHONDA WORM
By bearded coons Donny, hold your
nuts! Geez! I didn’t come all the
way to Earth to whine like a little
bitch.
DONNY
Fine.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 58.
YOMI
Rhonda’s right! Mr. WiseTurkie’s
relying on us.
(gets serious)
For however long I’ve been here,
all I do is read and watch your
things without understanding them.
You know what that’s made me
realize? That I do understand one
simple thing: People on Earth love
to talk, but never act. I might not
know who or what I am, but I can
feel it. What is that you say? Oh
yeah - Hater’s gon hate! And I’m
not a hater. Neither are you. Let’s
rock Turkie’s tail feathers!
RHONDA WORM
Yeah, baby!
Donny looks over at Muff then to the oven hole.
DONNY
We can’t fit.
Yomi looks at the hole, and over to Rhonda.
YOMI
We can.
Rhonda nods. She then squirms over to Muff and looks up at
him.
RHONDA WORM
Darling, I’ve never asked you this
before, but may I please ride on
another’s butthole, I mean,
shoulder...?
Muff turns his head away in disgust. Then slowly looks back
to Yomi, then over to Rhonda. Somberly, Muff nods ’okay’.
RHONDA WORM
Come here...
Muff lowers his head so Rhonda can whisper to him. She
kisses him on the cheek.
RHONDA WORM
What do you say you big fat fuck?
Be mine forever?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 59.
MUFF
Mmmmmmm.
Muff gives Rhonda a little hug, then lifts her and sits her
on Yomi’s shoulder. Rhonda gets settled.
RHONDA WORM
We’re going into turkey hell. God
knows what we’ll see, but if we’re
to infiltrate... we’re going to
need disguises!
Yomi smiles.
INT. TUNNEL - KITCHEN ENTRANCE - NIGHT
From inside the tunnel, we look out to see Donny and Muff
peering into the tunnel.
We turn around to reveal--
Yomi and Rhonda. Wearing beaks from the dead SkeleTurkies.
They each have a beak with a yarn strapped through it, tied
around their heads.
YOMI
How do we look?
Donny reaches in to the tunnel and suddenly hugs Yomi. His
beard brushes against Rhonda’s face, who tries to avoid it
at all costs.
DONNY
Watch yourself in there, ok?
He pulls back and looks to Rhonda.
DONNY
(with a wink)
Just please beak careful.
RHONDA WORM
Nice Donahrohdoh-san! Giddie-yup!
Rhonda’s worm tail slaps the side of Yomi, who turns down
the tunnel.
Yomi looks back at Donny.
YOMI
(calls back)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 60.
YOMI (cont’d)
I’ll be ok Uncle Donny. I’ve got
the baddest worm around looking
after me!
From Donny and Muff’s perspective, the two fade into the
darkness.
INT. TUNNEL - MOMENTS LATER
Yomi crawls through the dirt tunnel with Rhonda on her
shoulder. The two pass pot holes of BOILING MASHED POTATOES,
patches of glowing red light, and steaming, breathing walls.
RHONDA WORM
Ya know, you would think a worm
would love it underground... but
I’d be lying if I said didn’t just
piss on your shoulder.
YOMI
Eeeewww Rhonda. Please control
yourself.
RHONDA WORM
Easy for you to say...
(saddened)
Ever since I was a wee little
wormy, I’ve had a lot of bladder
and scat troubles.
A DYING TURKEY CARCASS infused into the dirt wall moans as
it blisters and rots, stuck in purgatory.
DYING TURKEY
It hurts... stop carving me.
Bones cover the floor of the tunnel.
Rhonda snuggles around on Yomi’s shoulder.
RHONDA WORM
Don’t tell Muff, but I could get
use to the way your shoulder feels
on my bum.
Another rotting turkey, this one infused in the roof, spooks
Rhonda and Yomi.
GHOST TURKEY
They took my head!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 61.
Yomi is creeped out but keeps moving forward. Up ahead, a
series of other small tunnels branch off.
YOMI
There.
Yomi crawls to the left tunnel.
INT. TUNNEL - MASSIVE CAVERN - NIGHT
Yomi stops as rocks slide over an edge of some sort.
Rhonda’s eyes bulge as she looks out over a cliff.
INT. TUNNEL - MASSIVE CAVERN - WIDE - NIGHT
We now see the hell cavern in full. A massive cave filled
with pointed rocks and boiling red cranberry sauce in a
giant lake. The room is MASSIVE!
The voices of murdered turkeys echo inside.
TURKEY VOICES
Noooo more stuffing!
TURKEY VOICES
My feathers! My feathers!
Yomi and Rhonda inch away from the ledge and look across the
cavern.
RHONDA WORM
Turkey souls from another time.
Best not disturb this world.
YOMI
Come on lets go get this over with.
Just then, Yomi’s leg bumps into TWO LARGE RATS.
YOMI
Oh, sorry.
The RATS turn to her, and to our surprise, can talk.
RAT 1
Oh heya Yomi.
YOMI
Hi. Who are you guys?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 62.
RAT 2
Hamster? Nope! Gerbil? Nada! Rat?
Fuck yeah! They call me Ratatattoo
cuz I’ma get all tatted up when I
turn eighteen. Hey, we’re playing a
game, you want in?
RAT 1
Yeah, it’s called "Buttcheesing".
RAT 2
In the morning, we each eat a piece
of cheese--
RAT 1
Then at the end of the day, we
sniff each others buttholes to see
if we can guess what cheese the
other ate. Here, watch.
Rat 1 scuries over to Rat 2, sticks its nose right up in the
butthole and takes a huge drag.
RAT 1
Hmm. Gorgonzola!?
RAT 2
Errrr! Nope! Cheese whiz man!
RAT 1
(as if this was a regular
occurance)
Not cheese whiz again!
Yomi giggles. Rhonda turns to her.
RHONDA
What the hell’s so funny, lets get
moving...
YOMI
Hold on, I’m buttcheesing Rhonda.
Rhonda scowls in disgust and confusion.
RAT 1
Anywho Yomi. Guess we should give
ya a little pat on the heiney. Tush
motivation our mother use to say...
You’re almost there! Turkie’s
thataway, down there. Get to him
and that talking DVD, and you’ll
find your mind!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 63.
RAT 2
Good luck now!
Yomi turns and crawls down a different tunnel passage. The
rats return to their game as the other now sniffs the butt.
RAT 2
Wait, wait, I know it--
YOMI (O.S.)
Cream cheese.
RAT 1
Shit! You cheater!
INT. TUNNEL - NIGHT
Rhonda and Yomi come upon another room made of bone...
INT. TURKIE’S LAIR - NIGHT
The tunnel opens up to a small igloo sized space, with the
walls made of a fleshy organic mush that moves as if
breathing. A GIANT RIB CAGE wraps across the ceiling. Large
piles of oozing brown matter blisters on the ground.
Yomi steps in the ooze. She gets some on her finger and
holds it to Rhonda’s mouth.
YOMI
You try it.
Rhonda takes a lick.
RHONDA WORM
PSSH!!! Aw gross, that’s vomit!
Haha, just kidding! It’s stuffing.
(looks around)
Wait, if that’s stuffing... We must
be in...
YOMI
The belly of a turkey!
RHONDA WORM
The moby dick of Turkies... Captain
Worm A-Rab reporting for duty!
YOMI
I thought it was Ahab ?
Rhonda whips Yomi.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 64.
RHONDA WORM
Please don’t correct me.
It all makes sense now as they look around. The rib cage,
the flesh, the stuffing...
SKELETURKIE (O.S.)
Arg! So I said to ’er...
Suddenly TWO SKELETURKIES on guard march past the tunnel.
Yomi and Rhonda tuck against the wall.
SKELETURKIE
...if you’re not gonna stay the
night, at least, you know, gimme a
little beak job.
SKELETURKIE 2
Somethin’ to remember ’er by!
SKELETURKIE
Yeah! So I unruffled my feathers
and spread my talons. I’m hard as a
fuckin sun-baked worm--
Rhonda squints her eyes at that one.
SKELETURKIE
--and she says "my beak’s sore, I
been pecking seeds all day"! I’m
like "WHAT, BITCH?!". Next thing I
know she tries the old feather
job--
SKELETURKIE 2
Hey beggas can’t be choosas.
SKELETURKIE
Hey, I wanna be a choosa, not a
loosa, ya know? Anyway, sent that
fowl packin’ with a gravy shot to
the eye, ya hear!? Course that was
when I was alive...
Yomi steps on a bone that BREAKS.
SKELETURKIE
What was that?!
The SkeleTurkie’s turn to the darkness of the tunnel: Yomi
and Rhonda step into the light. Yomi shakes her arms, doing
the chicken dance. The two pass the SkeleTurkie guards.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 65.
YOMI/ RHONDA
Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.
SKELETURKIE
Hey, what’s up.
YOMI
Not much, how are you?
Rhonda smacks Yomi with her tail.
SKELETURKIE 2
Hey! What the--
YOMI
Gobble, Gobble, Gobble!
The SkeleTurkie’s look at each other, shrug, and carry on.
Yomi and Rhonda enter the main room, with rock pillars
blocking what looks to be a LARGE ORGANIC POD sprouting from
the ground. Wires and biological tendons hang out of it and
connect to the ceiling. An organic technological device.
INT. TURKIE HELL - MAIN CAVE - NIGHT
Rhonda and Yomi escape a close call but continue to inch
toward the rear TECHNO-TENTACLE device.
YOMI
(hushed)
I don’t see him Rhonda.
A strange calm - Turkie is nowhere to be seen.
Rhonda and Muff cautiously advance until they finally see
Turkie round a corner with Nibla in hand. They jump back and
hide behind a boulder.
NIBLA
Hahahaha! Together we’ll rule the
world!
TURKIE
Together? I created you, you piece
of shit. You listen to your father.
NIBLA
You are me! We are one!
TURKIE
If you are me, what am I thinking?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 66.
NIBLA
About the time you jerked off on
set to chimpanzee porn.
TURKIE
Damn it!
RHONDA
(to Yomi, hushed)
Ha! I thought I was the only one...
Yomi looks at Rhonda confused.
Turkie then takes Nibla.
NIBLA
Where do we begin?
TURKIE
I need your essence... This fancy
thingy here will stream you
directly to every computer,
television, and phone on the
planet. When watched, my curse will
take course.
NIBLA
It’s a beautiful thing.
Turkie takes Nibla and sets him on a small squishy dock
that’s connected to all the techno wires.
NIBLA
Eww. Tight fit. Okay. Hmm. This
isn’t going to hurt is it?
TURKIE
If you’re me, you deal with pain
well.
Nibla straightens up.
NIBLA
Right, right.
Turkie hovers his wing over a LARGE RED BUTTON!
RHONDA
Stop right there Turkie!
Rhonda and Yomi reveal themselves from out behind the
boulder. Turkie whips around to face them and is visibly
furious.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 67.
TURKIE
Get over me Rhonda! What happened
in space was nothing more than a
fling!
RHONDA
Yeah well, I’m a dude. So there.
Chew on that.
Turkie and Yomi’s jaws drop. His eyes close and his arms
gesture toward an unseen creature.
TURKIE
Meet my friend... FRANKENTURKIE.
See ya when you’re all my slaves.
Turkie turns back and presses the RED BUTTON - a gobbling
siren goes off and alerts all the SkeleTurkies in the
vicinity.
Three SkeleTurkeys immediately surround Yomi and Rhonda.
Large THUMPING SOUNDS can be heard getting louder and louder
as if a giant troll is coming towards them.
RHONDA
Crapolla, what is that?!
YOMI
What are we gonna do Rhonda?
INT. TURKIE HELL - ARCHWAY - NIGHT
A FRANKENTURKIE EMERGES FROM UNDERNEATH AN ARCHWAY.
A bumbling, oversized horrific fusion between turkey and man
barely functional enough to be a living being.
Wheezing and hacking as it slowly marches its way toward
Yomi and Rhonda.
INT. TURKIE HELL - MAIN CAVE - NIGHT
Rhonda jumps off Yomi’s shoulder and onto the ground. She
looks up at Yomi.
RHONDA
Ok, we’re screwed!
(Rhonda thinks)
Wait! I may have a trick up my
tail. When I tell you, I need you
to turn around and make a mad dash
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 68.
RHONDA (cont’d)
for the movie. Don’t even think
twice.
YOMI
Ok.
RHONDA
Don’t turn around to see what I’m
doing. This is important Yomi. I
need your word on it.
YOMI
Ok, I promise.
The SkeleTurkies, cackling annoyingly, close in our heroes.
Suddenly, the Frankenturkie tramples toward them and knocks
a few Skeleturkies out of the way. He bends down and roars
right in front of Yomi’s face.
RHONDA
NOW YOMI!! GO, GO!!
Yomi nods and without hesitating, sprints for ThanksKilling
2. She closes her eyes.
Behind Yomi, we see a small green flash explode from
Rhonda’s head causing every SkeleTurkie to turn to stone,
paralyzed.
The FrakenTurkie only partially gets turned to stone but it
was enough to get Turkie’s attention.
RHONDA
YEAH!! It worked. I guess being an
extra on Medusa’s hair in Clash of
the Titans wasn’t a complete waste!
TURKIE
ARRHGHH! You fucking worm!
Rhonda is now left defenseless against the FrankenTurkie and
he is not happy. His shadow looms over Rhonda’s tiny body.
RHONDA
Hurry up Yomi! I’m gonna become
bird feed soon.
(to FrankenTurkie)
Uhh, what did the, uhh, Worm say to
the Fish that played piano?
(her teeth chatter)
I’m really "hooked" on your music.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 69.
Yomi is now near the DVD. NIBLA turns to rat her out, but
she quickly stuffs a bone in his mouth.
Turkie doesn’t notice Yomi as he is too busy relishing the
moment between FrankenTurkie and Rhonda.
TURKIE
Chew her up and snowball her back
into my mouth so I can spit her out
again.
Rhonda backs away farther.
AT THE DVD CONSOLE:
Yomi rips Nibla from it’s fleshy pod, stringing out strands
of organically fused flesh between case and pod.
NIBLA
Owwwwwwwww!
The Techno Tentacles flash and spark.
Turkie turns to see what is going on and finds Yomi standing
an inch away from him.
-She holds onto Nibla.
-FRANKENTURKIE SLOWLY LIFTS HIS ARM UP TO SQUASH LITTLE
RHONDA WHO LOOKS UP AT HIM, SHAKING.
-YOMI GOES IN FOR A FEET FIRST SLIDE UNDER THE
FRANKENTURKIE’S LEGS AND RESCUES RHONDA JUST AS HIS FIST
THUNDERS DOWN ON THE GROUND.
Rhonda turns around to see the monstrous FrankenTurkie’s
confused look.
YOMI
Hop on, lets move!
With Rhonda on her shoulder, Yomi runs back towards the
tunnel. Turkie comes after them but gets obstructed by the
Frankenturkie who stands in the way of the tunnel.
TURKIE
Get the fuck out of my way you
useless oaf!
Turkie runs after Yomi and Rhonda who our now way out of
sight.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 70.
Yomi and Rhonda race down the tunnel, a rush for them!
Rhonda salivates with excitement! Her tail curls around
Nibla and she holds tight.
RHONDA
(to Nibla)
Hold on!
(to Yomi)
Step on it Yom-slice!
YOMI
I’ve got the pedal to the fleece,
Rhon-Dude.
(winks)
Yomi cuts a turn. CRACK! A whip cracks on Yomi’s back. We
now see Rhonda crack a tiny little whip against her back!
YOMI
First of all - Ow! Second - where
do you keep getting these whips!?
RHONDA WORM
Whip schmip! Who cares when you’re
having a fuckin’ ball!!!
Rhonda has an adrenaline-crazed look on her face!
BOOM!!! A DIRT EXPLOSION!!!
One of the walls of the tunnel explodes open as
FRANKENTURKIE has punched through and hot on their heels.
TURKIE (O.S.)
Stop them!!!
FrankenTurkie’s turkey face chomps at their heels.
RHONDA WORM
Step on it Yomi, I’m bait on a hook
back here!
NIBLA
That was a good one Rhonda!
Rhonda spits back at the FrankenTurkie.
RHONDA WORM
You want a piece of this hot, boggy
ass?!
FrankenTurkie CHOMPS AGAIN!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 71.
RHONDA WORM
Nice complexion by the way. When we
get outta hell, maybe you should go
see a... WORMATOLOGIST!
CHOMP!!!
YOMI
We’re almost there! Hang on Rhonda!
RHONDA WORM
(singing the famous song)
Help me Rhonda, help, help me
Rhonda!
(stark raving mad)
Aahahahahaahaha! I live to die!
FRANKENTURKIE BITES ONTO RHONDA’S LOWER HALF AND CHEWS!
RHONDA
YooooowwwwW!!!
Yomi looks back and runs even faster.
YOMI
Rhonda!!!
Ahead -- light at the end of the tunnel as they rapidly
approach the kitchen.
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - HAUNTED KITCHEN - NIGHT
Yomi, Rhonda, and Nibla spill out of the tunnel and into the
light of the kitchen.
LOOKING INTO THE TUNNEL: FrankenTurkie SNARLS as it’s about
to escape as well! Just then --
MUFF’S CANNON TURNS THE CORNER - A split second and the
cannon’s directly in the face of FrankenTurkie --
KA-BOOM!!!!! FrankenTurkie explodes into a scrambled mess
throughout the tunnel.
Muff turns from the tunnel, cannon smoking.
MUFF
(excited)
Mmmmmm!
(sad)
Mmmmmm?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 72.
Rhonda squirms on the floor, RIPPED IN HALF by the
FrankenTurkie!
MUFF
Mmmmmm!!!!!!!
Muff steps forward and drops to his knees.
Nibla sits on the ground next to her.
YOMI
Uncle Donny!
Yomi and Uncle Donny embrace.
On the other side of the room - Muff crouches over Rhonda’s
bloody upper half as she moans in pain.
RHONDA WORM
Oh Muff, my lady and man parts...
They’re... all gone...
Muff tilts his head. A neon green tear rolls from his eye.
RHONDA WORM
Hold me tight.
Muff reaches down and gently lifts Rhonda from the floor.
RHONDA WORM
I fuckin’ love you Muff.
Muff brings her to his chest and hugs the little worm. When
he pulls away from the embrace, a trail of goop slimes out.
HE’S COMPLETELY CRUSHED RHONDA!
MUFF
Mmmmmmmm!!!!
Muff starts shaking. His big brute hands try to piece her
back together, but it’s just a gory roadkill mess. He only
makes it worse, finally dropping her body to the floor.
MUFF
Mmmmmmm!!!!
Muff shakes and looks all around, lost without her. Without
hesitation, he pulls his cannon arm to his face!
YOMI
Muff! No!
Muff FIRES AND BLOWS OFF HIS OWN HEAD.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 73.
Donny and Yomi are shocked but immediately look to the
tunnel as we hear TURKIE’S SINISTER LAUGH.
DONNY
Hurry!
YOMI
We have to get the vortex open.
Nibla nods.
NIBLA
I’m with you.
Uncle Donny rushes over to Muff’s body. His exploded head
spits sparks. He lifts Muff’s cannon and looks for a trigger
of some kind. Turkie’s laughs continue.
TURKIE APPEARS IN THE TUNNEL.
Donny slams Muff’s cannon arm repeatedly into the ground.
KA-BOOM! It fires, blasting a hole above the oven.
TURKIE
Oh Fuck!
Dirt from the tunnel caves down on Turkie, trapping him, and
leaving only his head exposed.
TURKIE
You cocksuckers! You’re fucking
dead, you hear me!
Donny and Yomi assess the scene and look for weapons, each
exhausted and injured.
WISETURKIE (O.S.)
Wait!
The gang turns to see - WISETURKIE, no longer an apparition.
WiseTurkie is cloaked and his face remains hidden as he eyes
up Turkie.
Turkie is stunned.
TURKIE
Well, well, well... I hope they
give senior discounts in the
FeatherWorld...
WISETURKIE
You’re hatred clouds your mind.
Don’t forget, we’re the same age,
friend.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 74.
WiseTurkie removes his cloak, exposing his face for the
first time. He looks just like Turkie, only OLD and GRAY,
with strands of long hair. The Gandalf of Turkies.
Donny looks to Muff’s body on the floor.
DONNY
The vortex! We must hurry. Help me
Yomi.
They grab Muff’s legs.
WiseTurkie approaches trapped Turkie.
WISETURKIE
For 505 years you’ve had it your
way, dismantling everything I - WE
- stood for. You’ve cursed this
planet with the peck of your sick,
cancerous, beak. It ends here. Now!
WiseTurkie raises his wing and with one powerful swipe, cuts
across Turkie! Only he didn’t actually slice Turkie, but the
dirt entrapment around him. Turkie breaks free and now
stands head to head with WiseTurkie.
TURKIE
Big mistake WiseTurd!
The two prepare for battle and start circling each other.
WISETURKEY
I gave you your strength! And I can
take it back!
Yomi and Donny pull Muff’s body to the center of the room.
Donny fiddles with exposed wires in Muff’s missing head.
YOMI
Engineer extraordinaire!
DONNY
Screw engineering, find me
something heavy.
Turkie now holds WiseTurkie’s by the throat, lifting his
legs off the floor. Turkie gets in his face and stares him
down. WiseTurkie remains calm, accepting of his fate.
Turkie raises his wing!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 75.
TURKIE
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, MOTHERFUCKER!
SHING! Turkie CHOPS OFF WISETURKIE’S HEAD! WiseTurkie’s BODY
immediately starts shaking and bouncing out of control,
flopping and bleeding all over.
Turkie now holds WISETURKIE’S SEVERED HEAD by the strands of
gray hair. He stands tall, meaner, more bad ass than we’ve
ever seen him. He is now 100% pure evil.
Donny slams a cupboard door over Muff’s head. The wires
spark and we see glimpses of the vortex starting to
generate, but it zaps in and out.
NIBLA
Can you fix it!?
DONNY
I don’t exactly specialize in space
bounty hunter heads.
RHONDA WORM (O.S.)
Maybe you just need a worm
grease...
RHONDA appears by Muff’s body! Her tail REGENERATES back to
normal.
RHONDA WORM
Never gets old. Someday I’ll tell
ya a story about every time that’s
happened. Lets just say I really
had it growin’ recently at my
cousins wedding...
Donny and Yomi hug Rhonda.
RHONDA WORM
Now, now, you’re too sweet, but I
can’t quite control my bowels after
regeneration, soooooo hate to break
it to ya, but you just hugged some
doo doo butta.
(looks at Turkie)
Business time ladies! Nibla, lets
do this shit!
NIBLA
Yeah!
Rhonda squirms into Muff’s head tinkers with wires.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 76.
Turkie tosses the severed WISETURKEY HEAD -- it rolls to the
ground by Yomi’s legs. In the instance it takes her to look
down at it, Turkie has leaped onto her.
RHONDA WORM
Just a little--
ZZZ-ZZZ-ZZAP! The vortex opens UP!
RHONDA WORM
Bingo!
Turkie and Yomi struggle on the ground. WIND AND LIGHTNING
shake up the room.
EXT. DONNY’S HOUSE - ESTABLISHING - NIGHT
The laser beam once again shoots into the sky.
INT. DONNY’S HOUSE - HAUNTED/VORTEX KITCHEN - NIGHT
ZIP-ZIP-ZAP-WHOOSH!
Muff’s destroyed head unleashes the colorful vortex beam
once again. Donny sits, holding Muff’s head in place but
cautious as to not touch the dangerous stream of light.
The vortex creates a wind storm that starts sucking up all
the smaller objects in the kitchen.
Donny and Rhonda dodge flying knives, cups and plates as
they disappear into the vortex.
DONNY
Hold on to something Yomi!
Donny holds on to the kitchen counter as to not get drawn in
by the psychedelic cyclone in the ceiling.
TURKIE
That does it!
YOMI
NOOOO!
TURKIE cocks his sharp feathered arm and forms a pike like
shape with it. He aims for Yomi’s throat as time slows down.
SLOW MOTION:
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 77.
WISETURKIE (O.S.)
Remember Yomi...
Yomi looks over to WiseTurkie’s headless carcass. Air
bubbles pop from his neck as he talks through his throat.
DEAD WISETURKIE
(bubbling through severed
throat)
Follow the wishbone...
Yomi’s eyes widen as Turkie’s deadly wing comes down in
slow-motion.
Yomi stretches for her backpack and reveals the wishbone.
She looks at it and then back up at Turkie.
She smiles.
NORMAL SPEED:
Yomi strikes Turkie in the heart with the wishbone. Turkie
stops dead in his tracks.
TURKIE
WWWWHHHHAAA???!!!
With one hand holding the larger stem of the wishbone, she
takes her mutilated arm and IMPALES IT with the short stem.
YOMI
I WISH YOU WOULD GO FUCK YOURSELF!
Turkies eyes go wide.
With this, she snaps the wishbone in half and--
TURKIE GRUESOMELY EXPLODES EVERYWHERE!
The force of the vortex sucks much of the carcass into it’s
decimating spin cycle.
Yomi has a hold of Nibla and is now covered in bloody chunks
of Turkie’s remains. She desperately reaches out for
anything to grab onto.
DONNY
Take my hand!
Donny, one arm wrapped around a cupboard, reaches for her
with the other. Yomi reaches.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 78.
YOMI
I cant!
She starts to get sucked away. Donny takes his one hand off
his wig to grab Yomi. As he does - HIS WIG is sucked off his
head and into the vortex - we now see Donny stripped down to
his normal unaltered self for the first time. DONNY GRABS
YOMI’S HAND. Her feet drift toward the Vortex.
TURKIE (O.S.)
I always come back for thirds!
TURKIE’S SEVERED HEAD snaps to life and bites onto Yomi’s
leg.
YOMI
Uncle Donny!
TURKIE
You’re coming with me bitch!
NIBLA
No! Let go of her!
Yomi screams.
Donny holds on, impeding her progress upward. He struggles
to fight against the power of the vortex.
DONNY
I got you.
TURKIE
I got you more you stupid little
girl!
Yomi kicks and shakes her legs. Turkie’s head finally loses
his grip and is sucked toward the vortex.
TURKIE
NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
TURKIE’S HEAD IS DECIMATED IN THE VORTEX.
Yomi’s hand slips a little in Donny’s. The vortex is more
vibrant, stronger.
YOMI
Donny, thank you for showing me
Thanksgiving and all the wonderful
things surrounding it. Rhonda,
you’re the funniest worm ever.
Just then - A FLASH OF LIGHT CONSUMES YOMI -
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 79.
HER VISION:
We see a quick glimpse of a bright field with a NEON FELT
HAND HOLDING HERS, similar to the way Donny does.
FLASH BACK TO NORMAL.
DONNY
Yomi...stay here. With me.
Yomi smiles softly. And then she sees it...
HER MIND! The little red blob floats high in the vortex,
waving to her. The mind is then accompanied by GREG GARBAGE,
MEOWMIR, and THE RATS.
YOMI
I’m not suppose to stay.
Donny’s hand slips a little more.
DONNY
I’ve lost the same thing as you,
Yomi. How do I get it back?
YOMI
Go find them. I’ll miss you Uncle
Donny.
Donny lets go of Yomi’s hand as she gets sucked up by the
vortex. She holds Nibla tight against her chest.
YOMI’S MIND
Come on guys!
Yomi’s FEET get decimated by the vortex first.
FLASH OF LIGHT:
BRIEF GLIMPSES OF YOMI’S EXISTENCE
- A puppet sperm squiggles its way toward a puppet egg.
- Baby Yomi is born between the legs of a full-grown puppet.
VORTEX/ YOMI’S EXISTENCE INTERCUT
Yomi’s LEGS TWIST AND MANGLE into the vortex. She squints in
pain.
- Baby Yomi is wrapped in a tiny blanket.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 80.
- Puppet butterflies float around on a rod through a meadow.
- Yomi’s tiny puppet hand reaches outward from a stroller.
- Birds flock through the sky.
- Baby Yomi plays on the beach.
YOMI’S FATHER (V.O.)
My child... born in another world,
with another mind, some of us are
meant to grow elsewhere.
- Yomi has a picnic with two full grown puppets.
- Yomi runs through the woods.
YOMI’S FATHER (V.O.)
You have found your calling, Yomi,
but it is this sacrifice that takes
you from your world...forever. In
order to save one, you must abandon
all.
Her torso is ripped to shreds, then her head as she gives
one last smile.
NIBLA
See ya all!
YOMI’S FATHER (V.O.)
Goodbye Yomi.
Yomi’s good arm holding Nibla is the last thing left as both
get destroyed by the vortex immediately. She gives on last
thumbs up as the vortex slowly stops swirling.
Rhonda looks up with a tear in her eye.
The vortex fades out once and for all.
Everything that was suspended in the air falls down.
The room is snowed in the felt that rains down from Yomi’s
body.
Like a snow flake falling from the sky, we follow a piece of
orange felt as it falls in Donny’s hand.
We pull back wide to reveal the house lined with an inch of
orange felt and a dead Muff on the floor.
Donny puts his arm around Rhonda. He takes a deep breath.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 81.
RHONDA
I’ve been thinkin’... Maybe your
little colonial colony could be a
real hit in space...
DONNY
Hmm...
RHONDA
Think about it... We’ll find some
distant alien civilization, take
over their land, murder their
people, and have a giant feast
every year afterward... We’ll call
it... Thanksgiving 2!
SLAM TO BLACK.
THE END.
Over end credits:
Stills and behind-the-scenes footage of ThanksKilling 2.