DWELL IN POSSIBLILITY:THE PLACE OF HOPE IN WORK WITH CHILDREN

TED BOWMANEDUCATOR

A CHILDA CHILD

IS LIKEIS LIKE

A PIECE OF PAPER.A PIECE OF PAPER.

EVERY PASSERBYEVERY PASSERBY

MAKES A MARKMAKES A MARK

Chinese Proverb

CHILDREN WILL LISTEN

Careful the things you say,Children will listen.Careful the things you do,Children will see.And learn.Children may not obey,But children will listen.Children will look to you For which way to turn,To learn what to be.Careful before you say,"Listen to me."Children will listen From Into the

Woods by Sondheim and Lapine

If something should happen to you on the way home - God forbid - and you should not make it,

What messages would you want to give to a child in your life before it is too late?

Limit yourself to two or three messages

To me, the practice of a healer, therapist, teacher, or any helping professional should be directed towards him or herself first, because if the helper is unhappy, he or she cannot help many people. We practice enjoying the positive elements in life in order to nourish the flower in us, and we practice in order to transform the seeds of suffering in us. Otherwise, we cannot succeed in our work helping other people.

Thich Nhat Hanh

HORTON’S EXAMPLE:FROM DR. SEUSS

Through the high jungle tree tops, the news quickly spread: "He talks to a dust speck! He's out of his

Head! Just look at him walk with that speck on that flower!”

And Horton walked, worrying, almost an hour."Should I put this speck down?..." Horton thought with alarm. "If I do, these small persons may come to

great harm. I can't put it down. And I won't! After

all a person's a person. No matter how small."

QUALITIES OF EFFECTIVE CARERS

•Human presence•Empathy•Empathizing with yourself•Respect•Authenticity•Flexibility•Mutual participation•Directiveness, control, and responsibility in helping

WHAT ARE OTHER SIGNS OF CARING?

NAME OTHER QUALITIES YOU SEE AS ESSENTIAL

IF A NEW CHILD CARE WORKER WASBEING HIRED AND CARING WAS A KEY FILTER FOR HIRING, WHAT WOULD YOU LOOK FOR?

PSYCHOLOGICAL FAMILYA PSYCHOLOGICAL FAMILY IS COMPRISED OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE THERE WITH CONTINUITY OF SOCIAL SUPPORT.

BECAUSE MANY FAMILIES ARE NOW SPREAD FAR AND WIDE (GEOGRAPHICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY), THE CREATION OF PSYCHOLOGICAL OR SURROGATE FAMILIES IS MORE COMMON.

adapted from Boss

RESILIENCY

•The capacity to spring back, rebound, and successfully adapt to adversity

•The ability to connect, reconnect, and resist disconnection in response to hardships, adversities

FACTORS THAT PROMOTE RESILIENCY•Stable, emotional relationships•Social support•Active involvement in coping•Problem-solving Skills•Sense of Hope•Ability to Make Meaning•Rituals, Stories, Traditions

PROTECTIVE FACTORSSTABLE CARE

PROBLEM-SOLVING ABILITIES

ATTRACTIVENESS TO PEERS AND ADULTS

COMPETENCE AND PERCEIVED EFFICACY

IDENTIFICATION WITH COMPETENT ROLE MODELS

PLANFULNESS AND ASPIRATIONNorman

Garmezy

HOPE

Definitions usually include:EXPECTATION

DESIRE

Which can involve GOALS, ATTRIBUTES, REDEFINITION, MEANING, PEACE, ENERGY

HOPE IS USED BOTH AS A

NOUN, VERB,

AND OTHER FORMS OF SPEECH

HOPE IS, THEREFORE, AMBIGUOUS

PROPOSITION:

CARERS, PROFESSIONALS AND VOLUNTEERS,

ARE ABLE TO INFLUENCE (ENHANCE, AFFIRM, OR WEAKEN)

HOPE IN CHILDREN AND FAMILIES THROUGH THEIR ATTITUDES, BEHAVIORS,

AND WAYS OF COMMUNICATING

SURVING ADVERSITYAlmost without exception those who

survive a tragedy give credit to one

person who stood by them, supported

them, and gave them a sense of hope.

ROBERT VENINGA

ASSUMPTIVE WORLD

All of us from the moment of our birth, have Been building inside ourselves a model of the

world, a set of assumptions on the basis of which we recognize the world that we meet and plan our behaviour accordingly. Because this model is based on reality it is, most of the

time, a valid and useful basis for thought and

behaviour. We rely on the accuracy of these assumptions to maintain our orientation in the world and to control our lives. Anything which challenges this model can incapacitate us.

C.M.PARKES

EXPECTATIONS

When expectations about the course of life are not met, people experience inner chaos and disruption. Such disruptions represent a loss of the future. Restoring order to life necessitates reworking understandings of the self and the world, redefining the disruption and life itself.

Gay Becker

FUTURELESSNESSFor some children, repeated exposure to violence can produce what appears to be a functional adaptation to the violence but is actually a pathological effect.Although the adaptation is successful in the short run, it may prove detrimental in the long run. For example, some children develop a sense of "futurelessness," or a profound fatalism about their lives. They come toexpect more violence directed at them and death at an early age. Participation in dangerous, violent activities

loses its threatening character and takes on a special psychology for them, since they expect to die no matter what they do. Having a big funeral is the most that some children can look forward to. James Garbarino

Some day I will have a best friend all

my own. One I can tell my secrets to.

One who will understand my jokes without my having to explain them. Until then I am a red balloon, a balloon

tied to an anchor.

From House of Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

MANY KINDS OF HOPEHope is important, but we have been too limited in the kind of hope we prescribe...Our idea that the only kind of hope is hope for cure limits what we can offer. There are, in fact, many kinds of hope: hope for a good period of life ahead, hope for enriching relationships, hope for control of pain, hope for a strong sense of care and support from your doctors.

David Spiegel

Hope differs from optimism. Hope does not arise from being told to "think positively," or

from hearing an overly rosy forecast. Hope, unlike optimism, is rooted in unalloyed reality.

Hope acknowledges the significant obstacles and deep pitfalls along that path. True hope has no room for delusion.Clear-eyed, hope gives us the courage to confront our circumstances and the capacity to

surmount them. For my patients, hope, true hope, has proved an important as any medication I might prescribe or any procedure I might perform.Jerome Groopman

BUFFERS OF MEANINGThe genius of our black foremothers and forefathers was to create powerful buffers to ward off the nihilistic

threat, to equip black folk with cultural armor to beat

back the demons of hopelessness, meaninglessness, and lovelessness. These buffers consisted of cultural structures of meaning and feeling that created and sustained communities; this armor constituted ways of life and struggle that embodied values of service and sacrifice, love and care, discipline and excellence... These traditions consist primarily of black religious and civic institutions that sustained familial

and communal networks of support.CORNEL WEST

Little Boy / Old ManSaid the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."

Said the old man, "I do that too."The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."

"I do that too," laughed the old man.Said the little boy, "I often cry."The old man nodded, "So do I.""But worst of all," said the boy, " it seems

Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.

"I know what you mean," said the old man.Shel Silverstein

It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of life

doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. It isn't a

calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is

a calamity not to dream. It is not a disaster to

be unable to capture your ideal, but it is a disaster to have no ideal to capture. It is not a

disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for. Not failure, but low aim, is sin. Benjamin Mays

WHAT HE DIDN’T SAYThe debt I owe my psychiatrist is beyond description. I remember sitting in his office a hundred times during those grim months and each time thinking, What on earth can he say that make me feel better or keep me alive? Well, there was never anything he could say, that’s the funny thing. It was all the stupid, desperately optimistic, condescending things he didn’t say that kept me alive; all the compassion and warmth I felt from him that could not have been said; all the intelligence, competence, and time he put into it; and his granite belief that mine was a life worth living. Kay Redfield Jamison

A BIRD DOESN’T SING BECAUSE IT HAS AN ANSWER.

IT SINGS BECAUSE IT HAS A SONG.

Unknown

Hope includes a future story.  

Hope includes a shared story.  

Hope includes stories of meaning.  

Hope includes an affirmative story.  

Hope includes the real story.

SUGGESTIONS: HOPE PROMOTION1) HOLD ONTO YOUR HOPE2) CREATE A CULTURE OF HOPEFULNESS3) SEE, EXPLORE, GRASP FOR POSSIBILITIES

4) INVITE COLORING OUTSIDE THE LINE5) USE ASSIGNMENTS THAT INVITE LOOKING AHEAD

6) USE STORIES THAT INSPIRE7) OPTIONS / ALTERNATIVES / CHOICES8) LISTEN, BEFRIEND, SEEK TO UNDERSTAND

FOR MORE INFORMATION,CONTACT TED BOWMANbowmaOO8@umn.edu